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Diminishing in joy

The Sages instituted numerous restrictions during times of joy, which are meant to commemorate the destruction of Jerusalem. This is in play of the verse “Im Eshkacheich Yerushalayim Tishkach Yemini, Im Lo Aleh Yerushalayim Al Rosh Simchasi.”[1] These customs are followed in order to remind ourselves that there is no true joy in exile, without the rebuilding of the Temple.[2] The following is a list of the occasions and matters of joy that require diminishing

Leaving out one dish by a meal:[3]

The Sages enacted that in commemoration for the destruction, upon making a meal for guests [or any other meal, including even a Seudas Mitzvah[4]] one is required to leave out from the table one of the commonly served dishes of food. One is to make it blatantly evident on the table that the dish is missing by leaving a space empty for where that dish should have been served.[5] Any common dish may be left out, even if it is not of much importance.[6] [On Shabbos and Yom Tov it is permitted according to all to serve all the available dishes.[7] Practically, however, today we are no longer accustomed to leave out a dish from meals even during the meals of the week.[8] Some conclude that it is nevertheless proper to leave an empty space on the table in commemoration of the Churban.[9]]

Not to place all of one’s beautiful vessels on the dining table:[10]

During the year, it is proper to diminish in the amount of beautiful vessels that one places on his dining table, in order to commemorate the Churban.

Jewelry:[11]

The Sages enacted that in commemoration for the destruction, upon a woman dressing herself with jewelry, she is not to wear all the types of jewelry that she usually wears and is rather to leave one out. [Thus, if she owns and wears a necklace, rings, earrings, and bracelet she is not to wear all of them at the same time.[12] Those that wear all of their jewelry, aside for transgressing this law, also cause jealousy amongst the gentiles.[13] On Shabbos and Yom Tov, some Poskim[14] rule it is permitted to wear all the available jewelry. Other Poskim[15] however rule it applies even on Shabbos and Yom Tov. Although the above ruling is recorded in the Poskim[16] without argument, practically, today the women are no longer accustomed to leave out a piece of jewelry even during the week.[17]]

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[1] Michaber 560:2

[2] P”M 560 M”Z 4; Shaareiy Teshuvah 560:3

[3] Michaber 560:2; Baba Basra 60b

[4] Taz 560:2; Elya Raba 560:5; M”B 560:5; Kitzur SHU”A 126:2

[5] Michaber ibid; According to the Michaber one must leave an actual empty space however according to the Tur and Levush one is not required to leave an empty space on the table, but rather just to not bring one common dish to the table. [Taz 560:4; Kaf Hachaim 560:18; M”B 560:7]

[6] M”A 560:5; M”B 560:6; Gemara ibid; Kaf Hachaim 560:17

[7] Mor Uketzia 560; Birkeiy Yosef 560:5; M”B 560:5

[8] Shulchan Gavoa 560:5; Chayeh Adam 137:2; Aruch Hashulchan 560:6; M”B in Biur Halacha 560:2 “Vichein Hiskinu”; Kaf Hachaim 560:18 and 21

The reason: As a) We have lost understanding of how one is to leave out a dish. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid] b) Today people will think one cannot afford the dish and will not know it is being left out due to commemoration of the Churban. [Kaf Hachaim ibid]

[9] Kaf Hachaim ibid

[10] Admur 472:6; M”A 472:2; Maharil p. 88

[11] Michaber 560:2; Bava Basra 60b

[12] See M”A 560:6

[13] Shlah 200a; M”B 560:8; Kaf Hachaim 560:20

[14] Mor Uketzia 560; Birkeiy Yosef 560:5; M”B 560:5

[15] Mor Uketzia 560; M”B 560:5 in Shaar Hatziyon 560:13

[16] M”B ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 560:6; Piskeiy Teshuvos 560:8

[17] See Shulchan Gavoa 560:5; Chayeh Adam 137:2; M”B in Biur Halacha 560:2 “Vichein Hiskinu”; Kaf Hachaim 560:18 and 21; Sefer Eretz Yisrael of Rav Tukechinsky 23