The positive effects of sanctified intimacy

*The article below is an excerpt from the above Sefer

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8. The positive effects of sanctified intimacy:[1]

A. The holiness of the Jewish people depends on this matter:[2]

It is known that the holiness of the Jewish people is dependent on following the laws of intimacy and its proper sanctification.

B. When man sanctifies himself during intimacy, the Divine presence dwells amongst the couple:[3]

When intimacy is performed through sanctification and holiness, the Shechina dwells upon the couple’s union, (similar to how the Shechina dwelled on the Keruvim[4]). However, when they intend to do so for lust and animalistic pleasure, the Shechina removes itself from them. This is hinted to in the name of man and woman in the Hebrew letters. The word for man isאיש  while the word for woman is אשה. Both names contain the wordאש  (which means fire) and the letters of G-d’s name י-ה (the wife contains the Yud, while the husband contains the Hei). This hints to the fact that when man sanctifies himself in intimacy, G-d [Yud Kei] can dwell amongst them. However, if they do not sanctify themselves, then the name of G-d is absent, and they end up with fire and fire (conflict and marital issues). On this Chazal say that there are three partners in the creation of a person, one of them being G-d.[5]

C. Sanctifying oneself in intimacy refines one’s soul:[6]

When a person sanctifies himself during intimacy, not only does the intimacy not lower his spiritual state and make him more materialistic and less sensitive to G-d, but on the contrary, it elevates and refines him. It refines both his body and soul and brings a revelation of the light of the soul into him in a much greater level than previously experienced. On this the sages state that one who sanctified himself even a small amount below is sanctified in plenty from above. This means that his body becomes refined with a revelation of G-dliness, to the point that his body does not conceal the expression of his G-dly soul.

D. Protects one from falling prey to sexual sins:

Sanctifying oneself during intimacy protects one from falling prey to sexual sins, such as the desire to be intimate with a forbidden woman.[7] See Halacha 7F above!

E. Shalom Bayis – Receives G-dly assistance in his marriage:

Sanctification during intimacy helps draw down the blessings of G-d to assist one in one’s marriage and have a peaceful relationship with one’s spouse.

F. Hierarchy of humans over animals:[8]

The male reproductive organ contains the greatest lust of all limbs and all worldly matters. It is for this reason that it poses the greatest challenge for man, and when man controls this limb and subjugates this lust, it shows the epitome of the advantage and difference of man over animal. It is for this reason we find that the lion became subdued specifically when the Or Hachaim showed him his Bris Mila. It is in the control of this lust that the superiority of man over animal is revealed, causing animals to be nullified and submissive.

Intimacy is to come from Da’as:[9] The Torah describes intimacy as Da’as. The reason for this is because the Torah is trying to encourage man to perform this Mitzvah with the human quality of “Da’as/intellect,” and not simply the animalistic quality of lust and pleasure. Likewise, the seed of man derives from the brain, which is the place of Da’as. It is thus incumbent upon man to sanctify himself during intimacy and perform it for the right reasons. One who has intimacy simply for the sake of bodily pleasure is similar to an animal.[10]


[1] See Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 13-14

[2] Aruch Hashulchan 240:2

[3] Rebbe Akiva in Sotah 17a; Ramban in Igros Hakodesh 2; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 3:2; Ma’amarei Admur Ha’emtzai Shemos 1:5; See Reishis Chochma 16:2; Zohar Kedoshim p. 81a; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmanson-2015] 14:2

[4] Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 2

[5] Niddah 31a; See Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2 and Eitz Erez there

[6] Or Torah Bamidbar 2 Hosafos p. 63

[7] Ginzeiy Hamelech 61; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:15

[8] See Toras Menachem 1:110

[9] Ritva, brought in Hagadah Shel Pesach Toras Chaim with Pirush Harishonim p. 120

[10] Reishis Chochma 16:8

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