Chapter 8: Honoring one’s parents after their death[1]

 

1. The law:[2]

One is obligated to honor [and fear[3]] his father and mother[4] even after their passing [just as one was obligated to honor them in their lifetime[5]].[6] [In a certain sense, honoring one’s parents after their passing is even greater than honoring them when they were alive, as during their lifetime one may have honored them due to intimidation, or in order to receive an inheritance, however after their death it is truly altruistic.[7] Nonetheless, generally speaking it is more important to honor a living parent than a parent who passed away.[8]]

Parent was a Rasha:[9] One is not obligated to honor [or fear[10]] a parent after his death a [habitual] if he was a Rasha and big Baal Aveiros [i.e., transgressor].[11]

 

If one’s now deceased father had requested something prior to his passing, does this request precede a request from the mother if the requests contradict each other?[12] Some Poskim[13] rule that in such a case one is to fulfill the request of the living parent, which is his mother, and ignore the request of his father.[14] This applies even if the request was written in a will. Other Poskim[15], however, question this ruling. Other Poskim[16] rule that the child may follow the request of whichever parent he chooses especially in a case that listening to the living parent will cause him a loss of money.[17]

 

2. Matters that remain forbidden even after the death of a parent:

Hitting a parent:[18] A child who hits the dead body of his parent is not liable for death.[19]

Cursing a parent:[20] One who curses his father or mother [transgresses a Biblical negative command and] is liable for Sekila [i.e., death by stoning] if the cursing took place in the presence of witnesses and with prior warning. The above prohibition applies even after the death of the parents. Thus, a child who curses his dead parent is still liable for death.[21]

Causing them Pain:[22] It is forbidden for one to cause pain to one’s parents even after their death being that they are aware of what happens in this world.

Saying their name:[23] This prohibition of mentioning one’s father or mothers name applies whether they are alive, and even after their death.

 

3. Matters that become permitted after death of parents:

Standing in their set place:[24] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to stand in their designated area of standing at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their Shtender in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to use it.[25]]

Sitting in their set place:[26] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to sit in their designated area of sitting at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their seat in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to sit in its place.[27]]

May one mention the name of his parent after their death when in reference to another person?[28] The prohibition against mentioning the name of another person that is similar to one’s father or mothers name only applies when they are alive, however, after their death, there is no prohibition against calling another person by the same name as one’s parent. This applies whether the name is common or rare. This applies even according to the stringent opinion mentioned above. Accordingly, there is no issue with naming one’s son or daughter after his father or mother, and it is permitted for this name to be used freely. [Nonetheless, there are some who were stringent in this matter and would not say the name of their parent in reference to another person even after their death.[29]]

Honoring stepfather and stepmother after death of parent:[30] After the passing of one’s father or mother one is no longer obligated to honor his stepfather and stepmother. Despite this, it remains proper for one to honor them even after the death of one’s father or mother.

 

4. Mourning related matters of Kavod:

A. Keeping the Laws of Aveilus:[31]

By the children keeping the laws of Aveilus during the mourning period, they fulfill the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av Vaeim, which applies even after their parent’s death.

The length of the mourning period:[32] The mourning period for a child for a deceased parent, whether a father or mother, extends for a period of 12 months. This is due to the honor that one is required to show his parents even after their death.

Mourning if the deceased asked not to be mourned:[33] If the deceased requested not to be mourned, he is not to be listened to, and all relatives must guard the laws of Shiva and Shloshim as usual.[34] [If, however, the deceased requested from his children not to keep the 12 months of mourning, then it is a Mitzvah to respect his wishes.[35]]

 

B. Eulogy:[36]

Not to hurry the eulogy and funeral: Whoever rushes the funeral of the dead [and diminishes the wailing and eulogies[37]] is praised.[38] This, however, is with exception to one’s father or mother, in which case one who rushes their funeral [and diminishes in wailing and eulogies[39]] is despised[40], unless there is some necessity to do so, such as on Erev Shabbos or Erev Yom Tov, or if it began raining during the funeral and the rain is hitting the body. [Practically, the custom today is to hurry the burial of even a parent.[41]]

One who asked not to be eulogized:[42] If the deceased had asked not to be eulogized, then he is to be obeyed.[43] [If, however, the deceased was one of the leaders of the generation, then one who defies his wishes and eulogizes him, is not to be frowned upon.[44] In all cases, it is permitted to print a Hesped about the deceased.[45]]

C. Keria:[46]

What to tear: One who is an Avel for a parent is obligated to tear all of his upper garments that cover his chest, with exception to his undershirt, Tzitzis, and jacket that is only worn on specific occasions. It is permitted for one who is in mourning for a parent to tear a garment even if he is not required to do Keriah to it.

Which side to tear; right or left: The custom is that one who is an Avel for a mother or father tears the left side of his clothing.

How much to tear: One who is in mourning for a father or mother must tear a Tefach and more until his heart [or undershirt] is revealed.

In public versus private: One who is in mourning for a father or mother must perform the Keriah in public, in front of others. The Avel is thus not to enter a private room to do the Keriah. Likewise, he is to remove any winter/raincoats in order so the Keriah is visible to all. Some write that women are to perform the Keriah of the lower garment in as much privacy as possible due to Tznius.

Hand versus scissor: One who is in mourning for a father or mother must perform the Keriah with his hands. The custom is for the Chevra Kadisha to begin the Keriah with scissors and then have the mourner perform the rest of the Keriah.

Changing: One who is mourning a father or mother is required to wear torn upper garments throughout the Shiva. Thus, although he may change even during Shiva, from his Keriah garment into a different garment [that is not freshly laundered, ironed or new], he must perform a new Keriah onto all the upper clothing that he changes into. This applies only during the Shiva, while after the Shiva, beginning from after Shacharis of the seventh day of Shiva, he may change into untorn garments and is not required to tear them. On Shabbos Shiva [and Chol Hamoed prior to Shiva] one is not to wear a torn garment.

Chol Hamoed: The custom is that the children of the deceased perform Keriah on Chol Hamoed.

Until when may the Keriah be performed? One who is mourning a father or mother and has not yet done Keriah to his upper clothing, remains obligated to perform Keriah on all his upper clothing, even after seven days from burial. This obligation of doing Keriah for the passing of a parent remains eternally, without any time limit.

Doing Keriah if discovered the death much later: If one heard of the passing and burial of a parent much time after the death, he remains obligated to perform Keriah upon discovering the news of their passing, irrelevant of how much time passed in the interim.

D. Burial expenses:

The children are obligated to purchase a burial plot for their father or mother, if the parent did not do so prior to passing away, and left an inheritance for their children.[47] If however they did not leave any inheritance for their children, then the children are not obligated to pay for the burial expenses, and the expense rather falls onto the community.[48] Other Poskim[49] however rule that this only applies if the deceased pronounced prior to death that he does not want to be buried from his assets. However, if he did not make any statement, then even if the children did not receive any inheritance from the parents, nevertheless they are obligated and forced to pay for the expenses if they can afford to do so.

The Matzeiva: The children are obligated to erect a tombstone/Matzeiva on the grave of their father or mother, if the parent left an inheritance for their children.[50] If however they did not leave any inheritance for their children, then the children are not obligated to pay for the tombstone expenses, and the expense rather falls onto the community.[51] Other Poskim[52] however rule that this only applies if the deceased pronounced prior to his death that he does not want to be buried from his assets. However, if he did not make any statement, then even if the children did not receive any inheritance from the parents, nevertheless they are obligated and enforced to pay for the expenses if they can afford to do so.

 

5. L’iluiy Nishmas related matters:

A. Saying Kaddish:[53]

A son says Kaddish on behalf of his mother or father who passed away. [This applies even if the father was a Tzaddik and passed away Al Kiddush Hashem.[54] A son who says Kaddish for his father fulfills the positive command of Kibbud Av Vaeim, as stated above.] A son is to say Kaddish even on behalf of a father who was a Mumar.[55] The custom is for a son to say Kaddish on behalf of his deceased mother even if his father is still alive. The father may not protest against his son saying Kaddish on behalf of his mother.[56]

B. Davening for the Amud/Aliyos/Maftir

The sons of the deceased are to endeavor to lead the prayers as Chazan[57], and receive an Aliyah by days of Torah reading, throughout the first eleven months after the death.[58]

 

C. Charity:[59]

The Avel is to give charity prior to davening Shacharis and Mincha throughout the year [i.e., 12 months] of Aveilus in memory of his parent. This is of even greater benefit for the soul than Kaddish Yasom, as Kaddish Yasom was mainly instituted for children [under Bar Mitzvah], and hence he must place his emphasis mainly on matters such as charity.[60] It is better to donate a small sum of coins each day than to give a single lump sum. The amount given should be varied each time, so it does not enter the status of a vow. The accumulated moneys should be distributed to various charities on the eve of the following Rosh Chodesh.[61]

D. Studying Torah, and doing mitzvah’s and good deeds:[62]

The main aspect of the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents even after their death is for one to endeavor to follow the correct path of Torah, mitzvah’s, ethics, and behavior between man and his fellow in a way that he is pleasing in the eyes of man and heaven, as this is the greatest honor that he can give his parents. Through doing so one gives pleasure to the souls of one’s parents in heaven.

Saying over words of Torah in the name of one’s parent:[63] A child is to try to recite novel teachings of Torah that he heard from his parents, as a merit for their soul.

Novelizing teachings of Torah:[64] When a son novelizes words of Torah it does great a great honor for the soul of his father who sits in the heavenly courts of study. This especially applies on Shabbos, if the son merits to discover novel Torah teachings on Shabbos.[65]

Learning Mishnayos:[66] The word Mishnah has the same letters as the Hebrew word Neshamah. Studying Mishnah on the soul’s behalf can deliver the soul from harsh judgments and elevate it to a higher level in Gan Eden. The child is thus to learn Mishnayos throughout the year of Aveilus in memory of his parent.[67] The Mishnayos is to be learned in order of the Shas.[68] One may learn Mishnayos in commemoration of the deceased even in the 12th month.[69]

 

6. Yahrzeit customs:[70]

All of the customs that are followed on the day of a yahrzeit for a parent are included within the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents. These include the following actions:

1. It is a Mitzvah to fast on the day of one’s parents Yahrzeit.[71] [Practically, it is no longer customary today to fast on the day of the Yahrzeit of a parent.[72] Nevertheless, many are accustomed to make a Siyum Misechta on the day of the Yahrzeit in order to exempt the fast, as explained in B. Likewise, one is to redeem the fast with giving money to charity.[73]]
2. Kaddish: Each year, on the day of the Yahrzeit of a father or mother, the son is to recite Kaddish Yasom.[74]
3. Davening for Amud:[75] Each year, on the day of the Yahrzeit of a father or mother, the son is to endeavor to lead the entire prayer as Chazan [of Maariv, Shacharis, and Mincha], if he knows how to do so.
4. Aliyah to the Torah:[76] On the day of a Yahrzeit one is considered a Chiyuv and is to be given an Aliyah if it takes place on a day of Kerias Hatorah.
5. Lighting a candle:[77] It is an old age custom to have a candle lit on the occasion of a Yahrzeit of a parent. People are very careful to abide by this custom.
6. Visiting the Kever:[78] It is customary to visit the Kever of the deceased on the day of the Yahrzeit. [If one is unable to visit the cemetery on the day of the Yahrzeit, then he is to visit it within three days before or after the Yahrzeit.[79]]

7. Saying Hakam and Zichrono Livracha regarding one’s deceased parent:[80]

A. In the first year:

Hakam: One is obligated to honor one’s father and mother even after their passing. Thus, upon mentioning them within the 12 months, such as one who says, “My father taught me such and such”, he is to say, “My father my teacher, Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo [i.e., Hakam/הכ”ם].” After 12 months one is to say “Zichrono Livracha[81].”[82] There is no difference between a father and mother in this regard.[83] [This obligation applies even if one mentions one’s parents in relation to a mundane matter[84], and certainly if it is in reference to a Torah teaching that one is giving over in their name.[85]]

Zichrono Livracha: Some Poskim[86] rule it is forbidden to say “Zichrono Livracha” during the 12 months and one must say Hakam. This applies even if one says it in addition to saying Hakam.[87]  Other Poskim[88] however rule one may always choose to say “Zichrono Livracha” rather than “Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo” even within the 12 months and so is the custom. [The Rebbe used the term Zal and Hakam on his father in-law, the Rebbe Rayatz, throughout the first year.[89] After the first year the Rebbe did not regularly append any title to the previous Rebbe, neither in speech nor in writing.]

In Writing:[90] When mentioning one’s father or mother in a letter one is to write the above title. Nevertheless, some Poskim[91] rule that even within 12 months one is not required to write “Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo” and is rather to write “Zichrono Livracha.”[92] Other Poskim[93], however, are stringent even by writing [to write “Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo” when mentioning one’s deceased parent within the 12 months]. Practically, the custom is like the latter opinion.[94] [Other Poskim[95] however rule one may always choose to even say “Zichrono Livracha” rather than “Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo” even within the 12 months and that so is the custom, and  most certainly this would apply to writing. Practically, the Rebbe, however, was accustomed to write Hakam during the first year.[96]]

Should Ashkenazim say/write Hakam also in the 12 months?[97] Some Poskim[98] rule that according to the Ashkenazi custom to not recite Kaddish in the 12th month[99] then likewise one should not say Hakam in the 12 months for the same reason. Other Poskim[100], however, rule that even Ashkenazim are to recite Hakam in the 12-month period.[101] Practically, the main ruling follows the latter opinion. When writing the word Hakam, must one write it out in full or can it be written in its abbreviation form?[102] It is permitted to write it as an abbreviation, so is the custom. When mentioning the parent in speech can one say the word “Hakam” in its abbreviated form, or must he say it in its full form of Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo? It is to be said in its full form of Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo.

B. Past the first year:[103]

After 12 months one is to say “Zichrono Livracha[104]” and not Hakam.[105] There is no difference between a father and mother in this regard.[106]

In Writing:[107] When mentioning one’s father or mother in a letter within the 12 months of mourning one is to write the above title.

How should one read a document which contains the word Hakam I once parent if it is now past the first year?[108] One is to read it in the same way that it was written with the word Hakam.

8. Listening to the instructions and will of one’s parents after death:[109]

A son or daughter is obligated to listen to the instructions of their parents even after their death. Thus, one must listen to one’s parents will. This applies even regarding those monetary matters that are found in the will which are contrary to the monetary laws of inheritance[110], nonetheless, one must obey his parents will of distribution due to the mitzvah of Kibbud Av Vaeim.[111] However, one is not obligated to listen to the will of his parents regarding making monetary payments from monies that he did not inherit from them.

Mother asked son not to rent his home to any individual after her death:[112] If one’s mother or father instructed him not to rent his house to anyone, then he may not do so even if the person who desires to rent the home is a Torah scholar who will learn Torah in a group for the benefit of the soul of the deceased parent.

Father instructs son to write shameful matters on the tombstone:[113] If a father instructs his son to write shameful matters on the tombstone, then the son is not allowed to listen to him.

9. Paying off a debt of one’s parent after their death:[114]

A child is not obligated to pay off his father’s debt, unless his father has passed away and he has inherited money or assets from his father, in which case he is to use the  inheritance money, or assets, to pay  off his father’s debts. However, if his father did not leave any money, then there is not even a Mitzvah involved in using his own money to pay it off.[115] This applies even if his father instructed him to pay off his debts. Certainly, one is not obligated to pay off his father’s debts using his own money while his father is alive, even if his father instructs him to do so.[116]

10. Returning a stolen object inherited from his parents:[117]

A child is obligated to return to its rightful owner an item that was stolen by his father or mother which he inherited from them after they passed away. This applies even if the item is considered to be legally owned by the child due to Yirush and Shinuiy Reshus. This, however, only applies if the item is potentially recognizable to others that it belonged to someone else and was stolen by his parent, such as a piece of furniture, blue, or clothing. However, money, as well as other items which are not recognizable as having belonged to someone else, do not have to be returned. Likewise, the above obligation only applies if the parent has repented his act of stealing and simply did not get a chance to return the stolen item.

11. Returning the Ribis that one’s parent collected from a loan:[118]

A child is to return to its rightful owner an item that was taken by his father or mother from a  Jewish borrower as interest for a loan that the father gave. This, however, only applies if the item is potentially recognizable to others that it belonged to someone else and was stolen by his parent, such as a piece of furniture, blue, or clothing. However, money, as well as other items which are not recognizable as having belonged to someone else, do not have to be returned. Likewise, the above obligation only applies if the parent has repented his act of taking interest from a Jew but simply did not get a chance to return the interest item.

12. Naming one’s child after one’s parent:[119]

Included in the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents is to name one’s children after one’s parents.[120] [This should be done even if the parent passed away young.[121]] Likewise, naming a child after one’s grandparent is likewise considered an honor to one’s parents.[122] It is permitted for one to add another name to the name of the parent and call the son by both names or by only the parents name. However, he should not call the child by only the second name which is not the name of the parent.[123] Regarding naming a child after one’s parent prior to their passing, see chapter 8 Halacha 12.

13. Honoring one’s parents when authoring a book:[124]

Upon writing a Sefer it is proper for one to mention the name of his father. Some authors would even insert their parents’ name into the title of the book.

 

14. Mentioning one’s parent in the Harachamans of Birchas Hamazon:[125]

Some are accustomed to bless their father and mother in the Harachamans of Birchas Hamazon even after their passing and so is this about custom.

15. Following one’s fathers custom:[126]

One should endeavor to follow one’s father’s good customs and traditions.

 

___________________________________________

[1] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32-38; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 453-463

[2] Michaber 240:9; Tur 240:9; Rambam Mamrim 6:5; Kiddushin 31b; All Poskim in coming footnote regarding it being Biblical or Rabbinical; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1069

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is not obligated to honor the parent after their death. [Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1078]

[3] Amudei Harazim on Yireim  Mitzvah 56:5; See many Rishonim and Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 566 footnotes 65-71

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is not obligated to fear one’s parents after their death. [Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2; Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 72]

[4] Rama ibid

[5] Meiri Kiddushin ibid; Piskeiy Riaz Kiddushin ibid; Menoras Hamaor Abuhav Ner Gimel 164

[6] Is this obligation Biblical or Rabbinical? Some Poskim rule that this obligation is Biblical. [Yireim Mitzvah 221; Chinuch Mitzvah 33; Ralbag Parshas Yisro; Amudei Arazim 56:5; Biureiy Harv Perlow on Rasag Asei 9; Divrei Malkiel 2:137; Yad Eliyahu 66; Yismach Moshe Parshas Vayechi; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1079-1081] Other Poskim, however, rule that this obligation is only rabbinical being that after the death one is no longer honoring the actual parent but rather his honor and memory. [Biureiy Harv Perlow ibid in name of Chovos Halevavos Ahavas Hashem 7; Tiferes Yisrael Pesachim 4 Boaz 3 and Kiddushin 1:54 in  opinion of Rambam; Sefas Emes 240:2; Emek Halacha 52; Lechem Shlomo Y.D. 2:3; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1082-1985] See Tzur Yaakov 30; Dudaeiy Sadeh 84; Chazon Nachum 118; Betzel Hachochmah 6:22-7; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1079-1085

[7] Miseches Semachos 9:22; Bereishis Raba 96; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 453 footnote 1071-1075

[8] Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1086-1087

[9] Radbaz and Lechem Mishneh on Rambam Mamarim 6:11; Maharam Shick Y.D. 346; Maharitz Dushinsky 1:94; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:49; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 556 and 1096

Shaming the parent: From some Poskim it is implied that it is easy even permitted to shame a parent who is a Rasha after his death in order, so it serve for him as an atonement. [Peri Chadash on Rambam ibid; Maharam Shick ibid]

Other opinions: From some Poskim it is implied that one is obligated to honor the parent even after his death even if he was a Rasha. [Implication of Kesef Mishneh on Rambam ibid and Beis Yosef 240]

[10] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 567 footnotes 73-75

[11] The reason: As the entire reason why one is to respect the parent who is a transgressor is because perhaps one’s parent will repent and hence once he has died without repentance he is no longer obligated in his honor. [Radbaz on Rambam Mamarim 6:11] Alternatively, the reason is because honor had parent after his death is only rabbinical required and by a parent who is a transgressor the sages never made this institution. [Sefas Emes 240:2; Tiferes Yisrael Pesachim 4:9]

[12] Pischeiy Teshuva 240:10-11; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:43; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 658-663 and 1087-1088

[13] The Rav asking the question to Rav Akiva Eiger 1:68; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Givas Pinchas 3

[14] The reason: As the mitzvah to honor a parent who is still alive is more than the Mitzvah to honor a parent who has passed away. [Noda Beyehuda ibid]

[15] Teshuvos Rav Akiva Eiger 1:68 based on Maharam and the ruling of those Poskim who rule that a father can protest against a son reciting Kaddish on behalf of his mother; Beis Av 6:265; See Betzel Hachochmah 5:15

[16] Pischeiy Teshuva 240:10; Givas Pinchas 3; Chaim Sheol 1:5; Mateh Efraim Dinei Kaddish Alef Lamateh 4; Teshuras Shaiy Kama 270; Minchas Soles 33:2; Divrei Malkiel 2:37; Nitei Nemanim 29; Chidushei Reb Reuven Yevamos 4; Betzel Hachochmah 5:15

[17] The reason: As death is no different than divorce and just like after divorce the child can proceed whichever parent he wishes so too after death. [Pischeiy Teshuva ibid]

[18] Taz 2401:1; Rambam Mamrim 5:5

[19] The reason: As after death it is not possible to make a wound in the parent. Accordingly, this ruling does not contradict the fact that a child who wounds a parent who has been found liable for capital punishment is liable for death. [Taz ibid]

[20] Michaber 241:1; Taz 241:1; Tur 241; Sanhedrin 85a

[21] The reason: As after death it is not possible to make a wound in the parent. Accordingly, this ruling does not contradict the fact that a child who wounds a parent who has been found liable for capital punishment is liable for death. [Taz ibid]

[22] Sefer Chassidim 571; See Radbaz Mamrim 6:11; Maharam Shick on Taryag Mitzvos 33

[23] Michaber Y.D. 240:2; Tur 240; Rambam Mamarim 6:3; Kiddushin 31b

[24] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shenos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2

[25] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[26] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shenos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2

[27] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[28] Sheilas Shalom Tinyana 243; Sdei Chemed Mareches Chaf end of Kelal 104; Rabban Gamliel called his son by his father’s name, and so too there are many examples of like in the Talmud

[29] Merkavas Hamishneh rules that even after death that is forbidden; Alef Kesav 2:724 in name of Chasam Sofer would not call his son by his name Shmuel being that that was his father’s name; Orchos Rabbeinu 4:180 that the Chazon Ish was particular not to call someone by the name Shemaryahu even after his father’s death; See Pesakim Uteshuvos footnote 107

[30] Michaber 240:21; Kesubos 83a

[31] See Shach 344:9

[32] Michaber 380:25 regarding traveling for business; 385:1 regarding Sheilas Shalom; 391:2 regarding festive meals; Shach 392:3 regarding all laws of Aveilus; See Shut Mahariy Viyal 17; Haranach 50

[33] Rama 344:10; Darkei Moshe 344; Maryu 4; Shut Ranach 50; Teshuvah Meahava 1:10, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:2; See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 1:7

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is to respect the wishes of the deceased and not keep the laws of Shiva or Aveilus. [Iyun Yaakov Sanhedrin 47 and Shvus Yaakov 2:102, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:2; Rav Akiva Eiger 344:10 questions ruling of Rama and argues that even Shiva and Shloshim don’t have to be kept per the request of the deceased. His reason is because in truth, whether Aveilus is on behalf of the dead or living is a dispute between the Rambam and Ramban, and we rule in 345 like the Rambam that it is on behalf of the dead, and hence can be nullified. He concludes with a Tzaruch Iyun Ledina.]

[34] The reason: As he does not have a right to nullify the entire laws of Aveilus. Likewise, perhaps the entire Takana of mourning is on behalf of the living, and hence the deceased has no jurisdiction over it. [Darkei Moshe ibid, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 344-see there in length]

[35] Shach 344:9; Maryu ibid; Gilyon Maharsha Y.D. 240:9; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:22

[36] Michaber 357:1; Braisa Moed Katan 22a; Ramban; Rosh; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 457 footnote 1131-1141

[37] Shach 357:1

[38] The reason: As it is not common by non-parents to lengthen the eulogy and wailing, and hence it more honorable to hurry the funeral and burial, than for the body remain without being eulogized and having its burial delayed. [Shach ibid]

[39] Shach ibid

[40] The reason: As a child has an obligation to eulogize his parent, and hence if he hurries it, it is not praiseworthy. [Shach ibid]

[41] Beis Hillel 357

[42] Michaber 344:10; Sanhedrin 46b

[43] The reason: As a Hesped is done out of respect for the dead, and hence the deceased has the right to forfeit it. [Shach 344:8]

[44] Beis Yaakov 83, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1, Gilyon Maharsha 344; Maaseh with Nodah Beyehuda by the funeral of the Pnei Yehoshua who asked not to be eulogized, brought in Teshuvah Meahava 1:174; Rav Chaim Falagi in Chelkam Chaim Derush 7 writes that he eulogized Harav Yehoshua Avraham Krispin [the chief Rabbi of Izmir in the 1800’s, and my-the authors-ancestor of six generations back] despite the fact that he instructed not to be eulogized [as recorded in his Sefer Avraham ??Bimechzah Derush 16], being that he was a Gadol Hador; See Nitei Gavriel 51:8 footnotes 12-13

Other opinions: Some Poskim question the allowance of reciting a eulogy against the wishes of the deceased even if the deceased was a great Torah leader. [Teshuvah Meahava 1:174, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1]

[45] Minchas Elazar 2:63; Nitei Gavriel 51:9

[46] See our corresponding Sefer “The laws & Customs of mourning” Volume 1 Chapter 6; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 458-459 footnote 11431160

[47] Michaber 348:2; Choshen Mishpat 253:31

[48] Shach 348:5 as is implication of Michaber ibid; Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[49] Maharam Mintz 51-53; Chavos Yair 139; Beis Hillel ibid; Gilyon Maharsha; Aruch Hashulchan ibid rules they are obligated to pay in call cases, even if the father said the above; Doveiv Meisharim 1:19

[50] Michaber 348:2; Choshen Mishpat 253:31; The above obligation includes all the expenses involved in the commonly done burial of that family, including the Matzeiva, as is evident from Michaber Even Haezer 89:1; See also Pischeiy Teshuvah 356:1

[51] Shach 348:5 as is implication of Michaber ibid; Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[52] Maharam Mintz 51-53; Chavos Yair 139; Beis Hillel ibid; Gilyon Maharsha; Aruch Hashulchan ibid rules they are obligated to pay in call cases, even if the father said the above; Doveiv Meisharim 1:19

[53] Rama 376:4; Rashal in Yam Shel Shlomo Kiddushin 1:63; Maharik Shoresh 30; Maharam Mintz 80; Chayeh Adam 67:6; Derech Pikudecha Mitzvah 33; Shaar Yad Eliyahu 66; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1164-1165

Father told him not to say Kaddish: If the father told him not to say Kaddish, then he is not to say it. [Beir Heiytiv 132:5; Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1 in name of Even Shoham 72] However, other Poskim rule that he is to say it. [Peri Hasadeh 2:53; Shoel Umeishiv 1:259; Chelkas Yaakov 2:93; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33]; See Pnei Baruch 34:3; Nitei Gavriel 40:10

[54] Shut Maharil 99; Darkei Moshe 376:9

[55] See Rama 376:4 in name of Rishonim that this only applies if the father was murdered by gentiles as then the father has an atonement, as opposed to if he simply passed away in bed. [Taz 376:6; Shach 376:15]; See however Gesher Hachaim and Pnei Baruch 34 footnote 59 that implies this only applies regarding the laws of precedence, and not that he can’t recite Kaddish if he desires. So also concludes Nitei Gavriel 40:4

[56] Rama 376:4; Rashal in Yam Shel Shlomo Kiddushin 63; Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:14

The reason: As the father transgresses the Mitzvah of Veahavta Lereiacha Kamocha. [Rashal ibid, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:14; 376:5]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the son is not allowed to say Kaddish for his mother if his father protests. [Rivash 115, brought in M”A 132:2; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 34 footnote 38]

[57] Rama 376:4; Admur 53:26; M”A 53:24; Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Nitei Gavriel 93 footnote 1 in name of: Shaareiy Deiah 383; Lechem Hapanim 383; Kneses Yechezkal 44; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:7; Shalmei Tzibur p. 189b; Kitzur SHU”A 210:5; Teshuvah Meahava 1:50 and 3:384; Makor Chaim 282; Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; Dudaei Hasadeh 47; See Nitei Gavriel 53:1-8

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva and that the custom is not to be Chazan anytime during the 12 months. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam that so is custom even though from letter of law is permitted]

[58] Igros Kodesh 3:7; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:394 that so was the custom of the Rebbe Rashab [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:308]; Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair 132

[59] Chayeh Adam 32:35; Igros Kodesh 3:372; 4:108; 17:272; 19:272 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306 and 311] based on directive of the Rebbe Rayatz to the Rebbe; Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]; See Rama Y.D. 249:16

[60] Toras Menachem 1988 2:421, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:309

[61] Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]

[62] Kitzur SHU”A 143:21; See Zohar end of Parshas Bechukosaiy; Tanya Rabasi 100; Yuma 86a; Igeres Hateshuva of Rabbeinu Yona Derush 3:59; Divrei Malkiel 4:96; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1167

[63] See Yerushalmi Shekalim 2:5; Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid footnote 278

[64] Yosef Ometz Dinei Shloshim; Kav Hayashar 35; Derech Pikudecha Mitzvah 33; See Midrash Raba Bereishis Parsha 49 in name of Rashbi that whoever leaves a son who studies Torah is as if he has not died

[65] Zohar Parshas Shelach p. 173; See Machazik Bracha O.C. 290:2

[66] Alef Hamagen end of Sefer; Maharshag 52; Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; Misgeres Hashulchan 376:4; Dudaei Hasadeh 23; Igros Kodesh 3:7; 3:372 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306 and 309]; Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 2:379; See Pnei Baruch 35:16; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus Chapter 64

[67] The reason: As Mishnayos is the same letters as Neshamah and hence helps elevate the soul. As well Chazal state that Asher Ben Yaakov sits in the entrance of Gehinnom and saves those who learn Mishnayos. [Alef Hamagen ibid]

[68] Igros Kodesh 3:7

[69] Levushei Mordechai Tinyana 164; Zekan Aaron 2:84; Nitei Gavriel 64:9

[70] Meiah Shearim 248; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1164-1167

[71] Michaber O.C. 568:8; Rama Y.D. 376:4; 402:12; Beis Yosef end of 376 and 403; Rivash; Kol Bo Aveilus 5:4; Maharam Mintz 12; Leket Yosef p. 98; Kitzur SHU”A 221:1; See Admur 249:12-13; 429:9; Toras Menachem 5749 2:184; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 Teshuvah 3

The reason: The reason it is customary to fast on the day of a Yahrzeit is because it is a day in which one’s Mazal was worsened and there is Sakana. [Levush 402:12, brought in Shach 402:10; 1st reason in Maharam Mintz 9 and Leket Yosher p. 98] Alternatively, it is done in order to alleviate the judgment of the Niftar. [See Arizal in Shaar Hakavanos; Lechem Hapanim 376; 2^nd reason in Maharam Mintz 9 and Leket Yosef p. 98; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 15 in name of Besht; Torah Lishma 493; Nitei Gavriel 70:1; 72 footnote 1]

[72] Rebbe in Toras Menachem 9:115; 19:31; 5749 2:184, and Sichos Kodesh 5737 1:424, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:318 and 321 and 323; Chelkas Yaakov 3:149; Orchos Rabbeinu 2:100 in name of Steipler and Chazon Ish; See Tzavaah of Maggid to his son, printed in Hatamim 7:17, that he should not fats but rather make a Seuda; Tur Barkat on 568; Darkei Hachaim 34:1; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 1; Piskeiy Teshuvos 568:7 footnote 40; Nitei Gavriel 73:1-2 footnote 3-4; See Chikrei Minhagim ibid that Rebbe Akiva Eiger instructed his children not to fast but to learn Torah

The reason: This is due to the teachings of the Baal Shem Tov who persuades one not to harm the body but to assist it, and in today’s generations the body is much weaker and cannot handle fasts as well. It is therefore forbidden to increase in fasts, as writes Admur in Igeres Hateshuva chapter 3. On the contrary, the fact that Hashem made our generation weak is a sign that we no longer need the fasting to perform the Tikkun, and the Tikkun can be accomplished through redeeming it in charity, adding in Torah learning, and having a celebratory occasion. [Rebbe ibid]

[73] Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; See Ashel Avraham Butchach 568; Nitei Gavriel 73:5 footnote 8

[74] Rama 376:4; Maharil; Shaar Hakavanos and Nagid Mitzvah that so was custom of Arizal; Nitei Gavriel 60:5

Other customs: [In the past] the Sephardim were not accustomed to reciting Kaddish on the day of the Yahrzeit of a parent. [Rashal, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376:4; See Sichas 9^th Teves 1951] The saying of Kaddish on a Yahrzeit has no source in the Talmud. [Chinuch Beis Yosef 83, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376:4] They do, however, recite it on the Shabbos before the Yahrzeit, as brought in Halacha 3B. Practically, today the custom amongst many Sephardim is to recite Kaddish from the Shabbos before the Yahrzeit until after the Yahrzeit.

[75] Rama 376:4; Maharil; Nitei Gavriel 60:5; Rebbe in Toras Menachem 1:152

[76] M”A 282:18; Levush 282; Shaareiy Ephraim 2:1; Biur Halacha 136 “Shabbos”; Sefer Haminhagim p. 181 [English]; See Nitei Gavriel 70:13-15

[77] Admur 261:2 “It is permitted to tell a gentile to light the candle of the day of death of one’s father or mother as the world is very careful in this”; M”A 261:6; Shut Rashal 46; Nachalas Shiva 38; Kesav Sofer 75; Kitzur SHU”A 221:1; Biur Halacha 514:5 “Neir”; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 16; Kaf Hachaim 514:79; Gesher Hachaim 32:4; Nitei Gavriel 71:6; chapter 75; Sefer Haminhagim p. 180

[78] Rashi Yevamos 122a regarding Yahrzeit of Tzaddik; Kav Hayashar 71; Kesav Sofer Y.D. 179; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 16; Nitei Gavriel 71:18; Chapter 76:1 footnote 1 in length

[79] Nitei Gavriel 76:18

[80] Michaber 240:9; Rambam Mamrim 6:5; Kiddushin 31b “How does one honor their parent after their death? Upon mentioning them one is not to say, “My father taught me such and such”, but is rather to say “My father my teacher, Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo [i.e., Hakam/הכ”ם]. This however only applies within the 12 months from the passing, however after 12 months from the passing one is to say “Zichrono Lichayeh HaOlam Habah.”; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 455-457 footnote 1097-1130

[81] Other Nusschaos: The Talmud ibid and Tur states to say ”Zichrono Levracha Lechayey Olam Habah”, one is thus to write זללה”ה. [Taz 24:13] Many Rishonim, however, omit the word Livracha and simply write Zichrono Lichayeh Olam Habah. [Rif Kiddushin ibid; Rambam Mamarim 6:5; Meiri Kiddushin 31b; Yireim Mitzvah 56; Semag Asei 112; Rabbeinu Yerucham 51:4] Some say Zecher Tzadik Livracha. [Tashbeitz 1:122 based on Mishlei 10:7] Others say Alav Hashalom. [Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:14] Practically, the custom of the world is to simply say Zichrono Livracha as writes the Michaber ibid. [Aruch Hashulchan 240:30] However, when writing of the mother many write a”h. Although some write Zichronah Livracha even by a mother. [Haflah Hakdama Kesubos regarding his mother; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 329; Avnei Tzedek Y.D. 152; Likkutei Beis Efraim Derus 26; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 320 ]

[82] Michaber ibid; Kiddushin ibid and Rashi there

The reason: Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo states that whatever punishment is due to the parent in Gihennom during the 12 months of Gihennom the child takes upon himself. [Rashi Kiddushin ibid and Sukkah 20a with different content, brought in Taz 240:12; See Maharam Chalvah 17; Maharsham 3:151; Betzel Hachochmah 6:20; Shevet Halevi 10:158; Pesakim Uteshuvos footnote 306] It is thus improper to say this statement after 12 months as even Reshaim do not stay in Gihennom for longer. [Shach 240:13]  As for the reason it is said after 11 months, during the 12^th month, even though Kaddish is not recited in the 12^th month, this is because one must say something after mentioning his parent as otherwise it is belittling, and he can’t yet say Zal, as perhaps this is a lie, thus, due to lack of choice, he must say Hakam. [Taz ibid] Zal however states that the parent has merited Olam Habah.

[83] Rama ibid; Maharil 24; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1121-1123

[84] Darkei Moshe in name of Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 1:4; Setimas Michaber ibid; Implication of Rama ibid who obligates this also by mother; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1124

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is only obligated to mention the words Hakam after mentioning one’s parent if he is saying a teaching of Torah in their name, however, when discussing mundane matters in their name it is not necessary to say Hakam. [Riy Hazakein Kiddushin 31b;] Based on this opinion, some Poskim are Melamed Zechus on the widespread custom of the world not to be particular to say Hakam upon mentioning their parents after death. [Divrei Moshe 67; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 2:447; Koveitz Mivaksheiy Torah 21 p. 247 in name of Rav SZ”A; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32 footnote 309; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1125]

[85] Riy Hazakein Kiddushin 31b

[86] Rama ibid in stringent opinion and Minhag regrading a letter; Taz 240:12 that one may not say Zal during the 12 months as it is perhaps a lie; Peri Chadash Likkutim 9; Aruch Hashulchan 240:31; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1115-1116

[87] See Taz ibid that it is due to it perhaps being a lie and hence saying also the wording Hakam in addition to it does not make it any more lenient; Biur Hagr”a 240:22

[88] Shach 240:13, as understood [and later negated] by Peri Chadash Likkutim 9 and Aruch Hashulchan 240:31; Sefer Chassidim 745; Some however understand the Shach to be referring to saying Zal in addition to saying Hakam, and not in its place. [See Divrei Moshe 67; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 308, 314, and 321] See also Shach 2:18 who writes of his father Zal Hakam! See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1111-1114

[89] In the letter of Minhagei Yud Shevat the Rebbe wrote: כ”ק מו”ח אדמו”ר זצוקללה”ה נבג”מ זי”ע הכ”מ

[90] Rama ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1126-1130

[91] 1^st opinion in Rama ibid; Hagahos Alfasi Kiddushin; Piskeiy Riaz

[92] The reason: As a letter is around even after 12 months, when this statement is not to be used. [Rama ibid]

[93] 2^nd opinion Rama ibid; Nimukei Yosef; Kesef Mishneh in name of Rashbatz; Maharam Chaviv 264; Chavos Yair 71

[94] Rama ibid; Shach 242:46; 2:18; Darkei Moshe 240:4 that so wrote the Nimukei Yosef on his Rebbe; Shut Tashbeitz 1:122; Shut Mahralbach 4; See Taz 240:12 that forbids saying Zal during the 12 months; Aruch Hashulchan 240:32 that the custom is like the Rama unlike Shach

[95] Shach 240:13

[96] In the letter of Minhagei Yud Shevat the Rebbe wrote: כ”ק מו”ח אדמו”ר זצוקללה”ה נבג”מ זי”ע הכ”מ

[97] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1117-1120

[98] Yosef Ometz Dinei Shloshim; Derech Pikudecha Asei 33:5; Divrei Yissachar 116

[99] See Rama 376:5

[100] Taz 240:12; Rishon Letziyon 240; Shiyurei Bracha 376:6

[101] The reason: As for the reason it is said after 11 months, during the 12^th month, even though Kaddish is not recited in the 12^th month, this is because one must say something after mentioning his parent as otherwise it is belittling, and he can’t yet say Zal, as perhaps this is a lie, thus, due to lack of choice, he must say Hakam. [Taz ibid] Zal however states that the parent has merited Olam Habah.

[102] Taz 240:13; Leket Yosher 2:98 “Hakam Kizeh”; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; See, however, Sefer Haeshel Likkutei Shoshanim who questions this matter

[103] Michaber ibid; Kiddushin ibid and Rashi there; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:35; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1103-1112

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that there is no need to say Zichrono Livracha after 12 months. [Sefer Chassidim 745; brought and questioned in Kneses Hagedola 240:25 and Bris Olam on Sefer Chassidim 980, that it is contrary to the Talmud]

[104] Other Nusschaos: The Talmud ibid and Tur states to say ”Zichrono Levracha Lechayey Olam Habah”, one is thus to write זללה”ה. [Taz 24:13] Many Rishonim, however, omit the word Livracha and simply write Zichrono Lichayeh Olam Habah. [Rif Kiddushin ibid; Rambam Mamarim 6:5; Meiri Kiddushin 31b; Yireim Mitzvah 56; Semag Asei 112; Rabbeinu Yerucham 51:4] Some say Zecher Tzadik Livracha. [Tashbeitz 1:122 based on Mishlei 10:7] Others say Alav Hashalom. [Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:14] Practically, the custom of the world is to simply say Zichrono Livracha as writes the Michaber ibid. [Aruch Hashulchan 240:30] However, when writing of the mother many write a”h. Although some write Zichronah Livracha even by a mother. [Haflah Hakdama Kesubos regarding his mother; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 329; Avnei Tzedek Y.D. 152; Likkutei Beis Efraim Derus 26; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 320 ] See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid

[105] The reason: Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo states that whatever punishment is due to the parent in Gihennom during the 12 months of Gihennom the child takes upon himself. [Rashi Kiddushin ibid and Sukkah 20a with different content, brought in Taz 240:12; See Maharam Chalvah 17; Maharsham 3:151; Betzel Hachochmah 6:20; Shevet Halevi 10:158; Pesakim Uteshuvos footnote 306] It is thus improper to say this statement after 12 months as even Reshaim do not stay in Gihennom for longer. [Shach 240:13]

[106] Rama ibid; Maharil 24

[107] Rama ibid

[108] Biur Hagr”a 240:22; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32

[109] Haradbaz 3:535; Maharsham Y.D. 95; Tashbeitz 2:53; Shut Rav Akiva Eiger Kama 68; Mahariy Asad 2:44; Maharsham 2:224-16; Minchas Elazar 2:63; Chazon Nachum 118; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; See regarding the mitzvah to listen to the will of any person who has passed away even if it is not his parent: Admur C.M. Mechira Halacha 7; Michaber C.M. 252; 250:23; Smeh 252:8; Shach 252:4, 7; Nesivos Hamishpat 256:2; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid P. 462 Footnotes 1206-1213

Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that a child is not obligated to listen to his parents’ instructions after their passing. [Shvus Yaakov 1:168; See Rav Akiva Eiger ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1212-1213]

[110] In certain cases, the instructions in the will which ran contrary to the Jewish law of inheritance are considered Halachically binding and overrule or circumvent the Jewish laws of inheritance. This would include the following cases: 1) The parent was considered a Shechiv Meira, fatally ill, at the time that the instructions were given or written in which case we consider the distribution to having took place before the death. [Michaber C.M. 250; See also Beis Yosef C.M. 250:15; Maharsham 2:224-16] 2) A premortem gifting document was signed by the parent in which it is written that the assets became distributed a moment that before death. 3) A Shtar Chatzi Zachar IOU document was signed.

[111] The reason: Although one is not required to honor his parents with his own money, and hence one can argue that one is not obligated to respect his parents will regarding the money that he legally and Halachically inherited from them, nonetheless, since the money originally belonged to the parents, and their instructions were given while they still owned the money, their instructions are therefore to be respected. [Maharsham 2:224-16] This is in addition to the mitzvah to listen to the will of any person who has passed away even if it is not his parent. [Michaber C.M. 252; 250:23; Smeh 252:8; Shach 252:4; Nesivos Hamishpat 256:2]

[112] Chavos Yair 214, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:23; However, see Kneses Yechezkal 35, Vetzaruch Iyun

[113] Doveiv Meisharim 1:108; Maharsham Y.D. 203; Minchas Elazar 2:63

[114] Admur C.M. Mechira Halacha 7; Michaber C.M. 107:1; Hagahos Ashri Kesubos 9:14; Smeh 107; Gilyon Maharsha 240; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1168-1184

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that due to the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, the children are obligated to pay off their father’s debt even if they did not inherit any money from him. [Hagahos Ashri ibid in name of Riy; Maharam 76; Rashba on Kesubos 86a; Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:63; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1181]

[115] Michaber ibid; However, see Pesakim Ueteshuvos ibid footnote 273 who explains that nonetheless a son who does pay off the debt is certainly doing a good thing for the soul of their parent

[116] Admur ibid

[117] Michaber Y.D. 161:6; Rambam Malveh Veloveh 4:4; Bava Kama 111b; Kesef Mishneh Mamrim 6:11; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 461 footnote 1185-1188

[118] Michaber Y.D. 161:6; Rambam Malveh Veloveh 4:4; Bava Kama 111b; Kesef Mishneh Mamrim 6:11; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 461 footnote 1205

[119] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33

[120] Mili Dechassidusa on Sefer Chassidim 477; Sheilas Shalom Tinyana 243; Sdei Chemed Mareches Chaf Kelal 24; Maaneh of Rebbe in Shavuon Kefar Chabad Gilyon 954

[121] Maaneh of Rebbe in Shavuon Kefar Chabad Gilyon 954

[122] Betzel Hachochmah 3:108

[123] Beir Moshe 1:60

[124] Chut Shani 240:13; Hakdama of Tzelach that he called his Sefer Noda Beyehuda after his father and Tziyon Lenefesh Chayah after his mother; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33

[125] Piskeiy Hasiddur p. 768 in name of Tzemach Tzedek; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:202; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 308; Sefer Beis Shlomo 100; See Tzelusa Deavraham Seder Birchas Hamazon; Shraga Hameir 4:53-3; Palgeo Mayim p. 114; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33

Other opinions: Some Poskim negate the recital of the Harachamans after the death of the parent.

[126] Menoras Hameir 4:23; Rabbeinu Bechayeh Bereishis 15; Pischeiy Teshuvah 214:5; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:33; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 463 footnote 1214-1215

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