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Chapter 25: Davening during the year of Aveilus
For the laws related to Kaddish-see Chapter 26
Chazan-Leading the prayers Halachas 1-3
1. The Mitzvah to lead the prayers:
A. Son of the deceased:[1]
An Avel [who is the son of the deceased, whether the deceased is his father or mother[2]], is to lead the prayers as Chazan for every weekday prayer[3], if he knows how to do so.[4] [This applies even if there are other potential Chazanim available.[5] He is to push himself to lead all the prayers, even if he does not have a good voice.[6]] Having the Avel [for a parent] lead the prayers is of greater benefit [to the deceased] than the saying of Kaddish Yasom, as Kaddish Yasom was mainly instituted for children [under Bar Mitzvah] who cannot yet lead the prayers. [The reason why Davening is beneficial for the soul is not because it contains a prayer or supplication of pardon on behalf of the deceased, but simply because the son is performing a great Mitzvah by Davening and sanctifying Hashem’s name in public, and every Mitzvah a son does benefits his parent. It is understood from here that the same applies towards any Mitzvah that a child does after the passing of his parent, that it brings his parent atonement and benefits his soul.[7] Furthermore, learning Torah and performing charity and good deeds is of even greater benefit for the soul than Kaddish Yasom and leading the prayers, as Kaddish Yasom was mainly instituted for children [under Bar Mitzvah], and hence one must place his emphasis mainly on these activities.[8]]
If the congregation does not desire the son to lead the prayers: An Avel cannot force a congregation to accept him as their Chazan, and therefore if they do not desire him to be Chazan and prefer someone else to be Chazan, he is not to lead the prayers.[9] Nevertheless, in today’s times we no longer allow the claim of a single individual to refrain a Chazan from being appointed and rather one is to follow the majority opinion of the Shul’s members.[10]
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Q&A How many sons of the deceased are to lead the prayers?[11] If possible, all the sons of the deceased are to lead all the prayers throughout the entire Shiva and the first 11 months.
May an Avel move to an area without a Minyan if he is doing so for reasons of Parnasa?[12] Yes. One may move cities for Parnasa purposes even if it will cause him to be unable to say Kaddish and lead the Minyan as Chazan. Nevertheless, he is to hire another person in his place, and if he has a strong level of Bitachon, should trust that Hashem will provide him with his needs in his area.
Should an Avel work in Shlichus, or teaching Torah, if it will come in the expense of Davening with a Minyan?[13] Yes. The merit that spreading Torah gives the soul of the deceased is much greater than the Kaddish. One is therefore to hire someone to say Kaddish on his behalf and he is to continue his spreading of Torah.
May an Avel Daven past Zeman Tefila [but before Chatzos] for the sake of leading the Minyan? Some Poskim[14] rule it is permitted to do so. Other Poskim[15], however, rule that one may not do so and is rather to Daven in private prior to Zeman Tefila, and say the Kaddeishim with the later Minyan.
From when should the Avel lead the prayers for Shacharis?[16] From Hodu, which is the beginning of Pesukei Dezimra. |
B. Other relatives [i.e. brother/father of deceased]:[17]
A mourner [who is not the son of the deceased[18]] is not to lead the prayers as Chazan [during Shiva, and until after the Shloshim[19]] to fulfill the obligation of the congregation, unless there is no other Chazan available who knows to lead the prayers and fulfill the obligation for the public.[20] [Some Poskim[21], however, rule that this only applies if the Chazan fulfills the obligation for the congregation, however today that the Chazan no longer fulfills the obligation for the congregation and they all Daven on their own, a mourner may lead the prayers even during Shiva. Practically, the custom is to allow a mourner of any type to lead the prayers even during Shiva.[22] Furthermore, just as some mourners take upon themselves to say the Kaddish for relatives other than a parent[23], so too they are to endeavor to Daven for the Amud, and so was the custom of the Rebbe in 1988.[24]]
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Q&A Is one who was hired to say Kaddish on behalf of the deceased to also strive to lead the prayers as Chazan?[25] Yes. |
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Is a grandson to strive to lead the Amud as Chazan for a deceased grandparent, if there are no sons who are able to lead the Amud?[26] If the deceased does not have a son who can lead the Amud, then a grandson, whether of the son or daughter, is to Daven as Chazan on his behalf. This applies even if the grandson cannot say Kaddish for his grandfather being that his parents are alive. |
C. Ashreiy and Uva Letziyon:[27]
An Avel [for a parent] who does not know how to lead the prayers, is at the very least to try to lead the prayers for [Ashreiy] Lamnatzeiach and Uva Letziyon.
D. Maariv of Motzei Shabbos:[28]
An Avel is to especially try to lead the prayers as Chazan by the Maariv prayer of Motzei Shabbos.[29]
2. The period of time that the Avel leads the prayers for:
A. Start:[30]
A son is to lead the prayers as Chazan starting from immediately after the burial, from the first day of Shiva and onwards.
B. End:[31]
Ideally, one is to say Kaddish and Daven for the Amud for 12 months, however the custom is to only recite Kaddish and Daven for the Amud for a period of 11 months [from the passing].[32] The Avel is to stop reciting Kaddish and Davening for the Amud on the last day of the 11th month; for example if the Yahrzeit is the 10th of Shevat then Kaddish is recited until the 9th of Shevat, including the 9th of Shevat. See Q&A regarding whether one may lead the prayers during the 12th month.
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Q&A May an Avel lead the prayers as Chazan during the 12th month? Weekday: Some Poskim[33] rule it is permitted for the son to lead the prayers in the 12th month, so long as he does not recite Kaddish Yasom. Nevertheless, the custom is not to do so, as stated in the Rama ibid that both Kaddish and Davening for the Amud is to be done only for 11 months.[34] Some[35] write one is not do so at all, even on occasion, and even in the 13th month of a leap year. One is not to lead the prayers even for Pesukei Dezimra.[36] Shabbos: No, as explained in Halacha 2A! |
| Lechayim:[37]
Some are accustomed to make a Lechayim in Shul on the day they finish reciting Kaddish and Davening for the Amud. |
C. Yahrzeit:[38]
Each year, on the day of the Yahrzeit of a father or mother, the son is to lead the entire prayer as Chazan, if he knows how.
3. Specific times of the year:[39]
A. Shabbos and Yom Tov:[40]
It is customary [amongst Ashkenazi Jewry] for an Avel[41] [of a father or mother or of other relatives[42]] not to lead the prayers as Chazan on Shabbos or Yom Tov [throughout the Shiva and the mourning period of Shloshim or 12 months[43]], even though there is no prohibition in the matter. [Due to the custom it is forbidden to do so.[44] One is not to lead the prayers for even Pesukei Dezimra.[45] If there is no better Chazan available, then an Avel may lead the prayers even within Shloshim.[46] Sephardim, however, do not follow the above custom, and hence lead the prayers even on Shabbos and Yom Tov.[47]]
Mincha Erev Shabbos:[48] The Avel is to lead the prayers also for Mincha of Erev Shabbos, even if it is being prayed very close to Shabbos.
Kabalas Shabbos: It is customary for the Avel not to lead the prayers even for Kabalas Shabbos [prior top Maariv].
What is the law during the 13th month of a leap year?[49] If the year one’s parents passed away is a leap year, then after 12 months the son may Daven for the Amud on Shabbos/Yom Tov even though it is still prior to the first Yahrzeit.
Yahrzeit: If one has a Yahrzeit of one parent on Shabbos or Yom Tov during the 12 months of Aveilus for another parent [or during Shloshim of other relative] he is nevertheless to Daven for the Amud as usual.[50] When the Yahrzeit falls on Erev Shabbos, or Shabbos, one says the Kaddish Yasom that follows the psalm of Mizmor Shir Leyom Hashabbos which concludes Kabalas Shabbos.[51] [Many are accustomed to also Daven for the Amud for Kabalas Shabbos.]
B. Chol Hamoed:[52]
An Avel does not lead the prayers on Chol Hamoed, just like he does not lead the prayers on Shabbos and Yom Tov.
C. Rosh Chodesh:[53]
A mourner [during Shiva and during the first eleven months of mourning] does not lead the prayers on Rosh Chodesh, or on any day which has a Musaf service.[54] This restriction applies even to Maariv and Minchah of Rosh Chodesh.[55]
D. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:
It is forbidden for an Avel[56] to Daven for the Amud on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.[57] This applies even for Pesukei Dezimra.[58] This applies even if he is the set Chazan of the Shul.[59] Some Poskim[60], however, rule that if he is the set Chazan, then if he is past Shiva but within thirty days of Aveilus for other relatives, then he may be Chazan on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.[61] Some[62] rule that this allowance applies even if the set Chazan is within his year of Aveilus for one of his parents. Practically the Chabad custom is like this latter opinion that if he is the set Chazan from years prior, then he is to continue to Daven for the Amud on the high holidays even if he is within his year of Aveilus.[63] In all cases that there is no better Chazan available, then an Avel may lead the prayers.[64]
E. Days of Selichos-Aseres Yimei Teshuvah:
An Avel may be Chazan during the days of Selichos, including Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur.[65] Nevertheless, some are accustomed that an Avel[66] does not lead the prayers at all during the Aseres Yimei Teshuvah, neither for Selichos or for any of the prayers of the day.[67] Furthermore some places are accustomed that the Avel does not lead the prayers starting from the first day of Selichos before Rosh Hashanah, and they only go up for Ashrei and Uva Letziyon.[68] Some Poskim[69] however negate the validity of this practice and rule an Avel is to continue being Chazan during these days. [The Chabad custom is that the Avel leads the prayers on all of these days, including Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur.[70]]
During Shiva: Some Poskim[71] write that an Avel who is within Shiva is not to lead the prayers of Selichos or any of the prayers of the day during the days that Selichos is recited. [The Chabad custom is that the Avel leads the prayers on all of these days, as stated above.]
F. Chanukah:[72]
A mourner who is within 30 days of mourning for a relative, or within 12 months of mourning for a parent, may lead the services on Chanukah, except for the reading of Hallel.[73] [He is however to say the Kaddish after Hallel.[74]] On Rosh Chodesh, however, and likewise on any day on which Musaf is said, he does not lead the services, even at Minchah or Maariv.[75]
| May one who has a Yahrzeit on Chanukah lead the Hallel?
Yes.[76] |
G. Purim:
The Chabad custom is for the mourner of a parent to lead the prayers on Purim.[77] However some[78] are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud on Purim.
H. Tishe Beav:
The custom is for the mourner of a parent to lead the prayers on Tishe Beav, and so is the Chabad custom.[79] However, some[80] write he is not to do so, just like by a Yom Tov.
I. Days Tachanun is omitted-Lag Baomer; Tu Beshvat; Tu Beav; Purim Katan; Pesach Sheyni; Erev Shabbos by Mincha:
The mourner of a parent is to lead the prayers even on days that Tachanun is omitted, with exception to days that Musaf is recited, and so is the Chabad custom.[81] However some[82] are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud on all days that Lamnatzeiach [and Tachanun] is omitted.
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If an Avel has a Yahrzeit on a day that he is not meant to daven for the Amud, such as Rosh Chodesh or Shabbos, what is he to do?[83] He is to Daven for the Amud as usual. |
4. The order of Kadima/precedence for Chazan:[84]
It is a great virtue for one to Daven for the Amud on behalf of a loved one who has deceased. At times, there may be several people who desire to Daven for the Amud simultaneously, and therefore the laws of precedence for a Chazan were enacted to avoid dispute. Precedence is given based on one’s relationship to the deceased person for whose honor he wishes to be Chazan; based on the event for why one desires to Daven for the Amud, such as a Yahrzeit or one who is within his year of Aveilus; and based on membership and attendance within the Shul in which the person desires to be Chazan. These laws were originally brought in the Poskim regarding precedence of Kaddeishim, as in previous times only one person would say the Kaddish and hence laws of precedence for Kaddish was applied. Today however that the widespread custom is for all those who need to say Kaddish to do so simultaneously, the laws of precedence regarding Kaddish is no longer relevant, although it remains applicable towards precedence for being a Chazan.[85] These laws of precedence [even regarding Kaddeishim] are not recorded in the Talmud and were originally brought in the Sefer Haminhagim[86] of the 1400’s, and recorded in the later authorities during the times of the Shulchan Aruch. The source for the order of precedence recorded in these Sefarim is based on the custom incorporated by the communities of that time.[87]
One who “steals” another’s precedence of Chazan:[88] A person who forcibly takes the Amud from an Avel who receives the Halachic right of precedence, does not give any merit to his deceased relative and all the merit goes to the soul of the other person whose son was meant to lead the prayers. This is similar to one who stole his friends Karban and sacrificed it, in which case his friend is Yotzei his obligation.
If two individuals are of equal status: In all cases that the two individuals are of equal status of Chiyuv, then they are to make a compromise, or have a raffle made to choose who will receive what.
The following is the order of precedence regarding the rights to be the Chazan:
- Person within Shiva
- Yahrzeit
- Person within Shloshim
- Person within year of Aveilus
- Guest: A guest that is not a Shul member, or regular attendee, does not receive precedence over a Shul member or regular attendee; with exception to if the guest is within Shiva [level 1] in which case he receives precedence over all lower level Chiyuvim. Nevertheless, the custom is to give the guest to Daven for some of the three prayers of that day in case he is of equal or higher level than the member.
- Son: One who is not the son of the deceased does not receive precedence over a son even if he is of a higher level. Thus one who desires to Daven on the Yahrzeit of his deceased son, grandfather, or brother r”l does not receive precedence of a person within his year of Aveilus for a parent.
Level 1: Person within Shiva:[89]
One who is within Shiva for a parent receives precedence over all other mourners. The Shiva is counted from the time of burial, even if the Avel only discovered the passing much later on.[90] If a festival occurred during the Shiva, and hence nullified the Shiva, the Avel still retains a status of Shiva in this regard until seven days pass from the burial.[91] Likewise, the Avel retains the status of Shiva even on the 7th day by Mincha.[92]
Level 2: Person who has Yahrzeit:[93]
One who has a Yahrzeit for a parent receives precedence over all other mourners who are after Shloshim. However, he does not precede one who is within Shiva, in which case the person within Shiva receives the right of precedence. If another mourner is within Shloshim, they are to split the prayers for which they Daven for the Amud on that day.[94] In the event that there are many Yahrzeits present, the mourner that is within Shloshim is completely differed from the Amud that day.[95]
Level 3: Person within Shloshim:[96]
One who is within Shloshim for a parent receives precedence over all other mourners that are after Shloshim.[97] However, he does not precede one who is within Shiva, and the person within Shiva receives the right of precedence.[98] If another mourner has a Yahrzeit, they are to split the prayers for which they Daven for the Amud on that day.[99] In the event that there are many Yahrzeits present, the mourner that is within Shloshim is completely differed from the Amud that day.[100] The Shloshim is counted from the time of burial, even if the Avel only discovered the passing much later.[101] If a festival occurred during the Shloshim, and hence nullified the Shloshim, the Avel still retains a status of Shloshim in this regard until thirty days pass from the burial.[102]
Level 4: Person within Year:[103]
One who is within the first year of mourning for a parent, but past the Shloshim, does not receive precedence over mourners that are within Shloshim or that have a Yahrzeit.
Last day of Kaddish:[104] Some communities are accustomed that on the last day of Kaddish, the Avel receives precedence over another Avel. [If, however, the other Avel is within Shloshim or has a Yahrzeit of a parent, he does not receive precedence.[105]]
A member of the Shul versus a guest:[106]
One who is not a Shul member, or regular attendee of the Minyan, is considered a guest.[107] If the guest is of a level of mourning that is higher than a Shul member or regular attendee, he nevertheless does not receive precedence over the Shul member[108] with exception to if the guest is within Shiva [level 1] in which case he receives precedence over all lower level Chiyuvim.[109] Nevertheless, the custom is to give the guest to Daven for some of the three prayers of that day in case he is of equal or higher level than the member.[110] If however he is of lower level than the resident, then the guest does not receive any prayers.[111]
A guest that is a member of a different Shul within that city:[112] A guest that comes to a Shul and is an active attendee of the Minyan of a different Shul within that city, does not precede any member of the Shul, even if he is within Shiva.[113]
A son versus another relative:[114]
One who is not the son of the deceased does not receive precedence over a son even if he is of a higher level. Thus, one who desires to Daven on the Yahrzeit of his deceased son or brother, or grandfather[115] r”l does not receive precedence of a person within his year of Aveilus for a parent. [In, however, a community that also mourners of other relatives are accustomed to receive the rights to lead the prayers, then the custom is to be respected, although they are to be given less opportunities than a son.[116]]
A hired person:[117] One who was hired to say Kaddish and Daven for the Amud on behalf of a deceased does not receive precedence over any Chiyuv of any level.
5. General laws of being a Chazan:[118]
It is beyond the scope of this Sefer to go through all the detailed laws of being a Chazan. All Aveilim who plan to lead the prayers as Chazan must thoroughly review the laws of Tefila in the Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim, and their relevant commentaries, in order to get a full grasp of these laws. A number of common issues will be discussed below.
A. Tevilas Ezra:[119]
A Chazan is to be especially careful to immerse in a Mikveh prior to prayer in the event that he is a Baal Keri, as doing so helps hasten the redemption.[120]
B. Davening a different Nussach:[121]
From the letter of the law, it is permitted for a Chazan to Daven for the Amud in his personal Nussach even if it is a different Nussach than the Shul and congregation.[122] Nevertheless, if this matter will lead to strife or dispute, he is to Daven the Nussach of the congregation.[123] Practically, the public directive of the Rebbe Rayatz in such a case is for the Chazan to Daven the Nussach of the congregation.[124] However, nonetheless, the Chazan is to Daven his own private Nussach by the silent Shemoneh Esrei.[125]
C. Talking between the silent prayer and Chazaras Hashatz:[126]
There is no prohibition at all for the Chazan to make an interval (of matters relating to the prayer and its needs) between the silent Shemoneh Esrei and HIS repetition. (However, it is forbidden to deal with other matters until after Nefilas Apayim, as explained in 131/1.)
6. Birchas Kohanim:
A. Elokeinu/Birchas Kohanim in Chazan’s repetition:
The Avel who is Chazan recites Elokeinu in the Chazan’s repetition beginning from after Shiva. [See Chapter 18 Halacha 4C for the law during Shiva!]
B. Movements of head during Birchas Kohanim:[127]
Movements during the saying of Elokeinu: The Zohar states that when the Chazan recites “Yivarechicha Hashem” he should turn his face to the Heichal; by the word “ViYishmirecha” he should turn to his right; by the words “Yaer Hashem” he should face the Heichal; by the words Panav Eilecha Vichuneka he should face his left. [Practically, however, the Chabad custom is as follows:[128] In the first verse, the Chazan inclines his head as follows: (a) he bows to the right when saying Yivarechicha; (b) he faces right, but with his head erect, when saying Hashem; and (c) he bows forward when saying Viyishmirecha. When reading the second verse: (a) he bows to the left when saying Yaer; (b) he faces left, but with head erect, when saying Hashem; (c) he bows to the left when saying Panav and Eilecha; (d) he bows forward when saying Vichunecka. When reading the third verse: (a) he bows forward when saying Yisa; (b) he faces ahead, but with head erect, when saying Hashem; (c) he bows forward when saying Panav and Eilecha; (e) he bows to the right when saying Viyasem; (f) he bows to the left when saying Lecha; and (g) he bows his head forward when saying Shalom.]
Movements during Nesias Kapayim: If one is a Chazan in a Minyan that is performing Nesias Kapayim, the movements follow the same movements that are done by the congregation during Nesias Kapayim.[129]
Movements for Chazan by Elokeinu, when no Nesias Kapayim
| Word | Movement |
| Yivarechicha | Bow to right |
| Hashem | Up by right |
| Veyishmirecha | Bow forward |
| Yaer | Bow to left |
| Hashem | Up by left |
| Panav | Bow by left |
| Eilecha | Bow by left |
| Vichuneka | Bow forward |
| Yisa | Bow forward |
| Hashem | Up Forward |
| Panav | Bows forward |
| Eilecha | Bows forward |
| Veyasem | Bows right |
| Lecha | Bows left |
| Shalom | Bow forward |
C. Nesias Kapayim-A Kohen who is an Avel:[130]
Onen:[131] An Onen does not perform Nesias Kapayim even on Yom Tov.[132] [This applies even in Jerusalem.[133] This applies even if he was asked to perform Nesias Kapayim.[134]]
Buried during Yom Tov:[135] Even in the event that one buried his relative on Yom Tov [i.e. Chol Hamoed], and will not begin Aveilus until after Yom Tov, he is not to perform Nesias Kapayim on Yom Tov.[136]
During Shiva:[137] The custom is that an Avel during Shiva does not perform Nesias Kapayim.[138] This applies even if the Avel is the only Kohen present in the Minyan.[139] [This applies even in those areas, such as Jerusalem, that are accustomed to perform Nesias Kapayim daily or on Shabbos.[140] This applies even if the Avel is Davening in Shul during Shiva.[141] Likewise, in the Shiva home, the Kohanim that are present by the Minyan do not perform Nesias Kapayim even if they are not Aveilim, even in those areas such as Jerusalem that are accustomed to perform Nesias Kapayim daily.]
During Aveilus period [i.e. Shloshim and 12 months]:[142] The custom in these provinces [i.e. Ashkenaz] is that a mourner who is a Kohen does not perform Nesias Kapayim throughout the mourning period, which is within 12 months for the passing of a mother or father, and within thirty days for the passing of other relatives.[143] This applies even if the Avel is the only Kohen present in the Minyan.[144] This applies even on Yomim Tovim. [This applies only in areas that are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim only on Yom Tov. However, those areas that are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim daily [or every Shabbos], such as in Eretz Yisrael, the Avel is to do so after the completion of Shiva even though he is within his period of mourning.[145]]
Leaving Shul:[146] In all the above cases, the Avel is obligated to exit the Shul prior to the Chazan calling the Kohanim.[147] The Avel is to exit the Shul prior to Ritzei.[148] If the Shul is accustomed to have someone tell the Kohanim to go wash hands, then they are to leave the Shul prior to this being said.[149]
If someone told the Avel to do Nesias Kapayim:[150] If the Kohen who is an Avel was told prior to the conclusion of Birchas Havoda [i.e. Ritzei] to perform Nesias Kapayim, or to wash hands, he is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim.[151] [This applies even during Shiva. However, it does not apply to one who is in a state of Aninus.]
| Summary:
An Avel does not perform Nesias Kapayim during Shiva. Furthermore, the Ashkenazi custom is that a mourner who is a Kohen does not perform Nesias Kapayim throughout the mourning period, which is within 12 months for the passing of a mother or father, and within thirty days for the passing of other relatives. The Avel is to exit the Shul prior to Ritzei. |
7. Kerias Hatorah:
The following Halachos relate to the period after Shiva. Regarding the laws relevant to the period of Shiva-see Chapter 18 Halacha 5!
A. Getting an Aliya:[152]
The Avel should endeavor to receive an Aliyah to the Torah by all opportunities [on all the days of Torah reading, including Monday’s, Thursday’s, Shabbos, and fast days]. On Shabbos, he is to endeavor to receive an Aliyah both by Shacharis and Mincha. [Seemingly this applies up until 11 months from the passing.[153]]
Reading from the Torah:[154] The Avel should endeavor to read the Torah on all the days of Torah reading, which are on Monday’s, Thursday’s, and Shabbos by Mincha, [and Shabbos by Shacharis[155], and fast days].
B. The half Kaddish after Kerias Hatorah:[156]
The half Kaddish recited after Kerias Hatorah is designated to be recited by Aveilim.[157] This applies even if he did not receive an Aliyah and is not the Baal Korei.[158] Others[159] however rule that it is to be recited only by the Baal Korei. Practically, the Chabad custom is for an Avel, and Baal Yahrzeit, to endeavor to recite the half Kaddish after the Torah reading.[160] [This applies even on Shabbos and Yom Tov.[161]] If, however, an Avel is not available, then it is to be recited by the Baal Korei.[162] Likewise, in a case of dispute, or when Davening in a Shul with a different custom, the Kaddish is to be recited by the Baal Korei.[163]
| Summary:
An Avel, and Baal Yahrzeit, is to endeavor to recite the half Kaddish after the Torah reading, even if they did not receive an Aliya, and are not the Baal Korei. Q&A May a child in Aveilus recite the half Kaddish after Kerias Hatorah?[164] A child who is in Aveilus is not to say the half Kaddish after Kerias Hatorah. If there are a number of Aveilim present, which Avel is to recite the half Kaddish? One is to follow the laws of precedence brought in Halacha 4, which is 1) Yahrzeit; 2) Shloshim 3) Within the year. |
C. Maftir:[165]
It is customary for an Avel over the passing of a parent to recite the Maftir from the Navi [on Shabbos, Yom Tov, and fast days].[166] [Furthermore, just as some mourners take upon themselves to say the Kaddish for relatives other than a parent[167], so too they are to endeavor to say Maftir, and so was the custom of the Rebbe in 1988.[168] In the event that there is more than one mourner present, one is to follow the laws of precedence lineated earlier in Halacha 4 regarding Davening for the Amud. If applicable, one is to make more than one Minyan of Keriah for the various Aveilim.[169] Nonetheless, there is no obligation for the Avel to Daven in a different Shul for the sake of Maftir, if he is able to Daven with greater concentration in his Shul.[170] In the event that the Avel cannot receive Maftir, he is to endeavor to receive a different Aliyah.[171]]
The time period: Ideally, the Maftir is meant to be recited throughout the 12 months, just as is the ideal law regarding Kaddish[172], however the custom is to only recite it for 11 months from the passing, just as is the custom regarding Kaddish.[173]
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Q&A Must the Gabaiy give Maftir to the Avel?[174] No. While it is proper and respectful to do so, a person who is an Avel is not considered an actual Chiyuv that he has to receive the Aliyah of Maftir. It is thus permitted for the Gabaiy to sell the Aliyah.[175]
Who receives precedence if both an Avel and a Yahrzeit want Maftir?[176] A person with a Yahrzeit that week receives precedence over an Avel within the year, even if he is within Shloshim. Not to quarrel:[177] One is not to quarrel over any Mitzvah, even if it is a Biblical command, and is certainly not to quarrel over the receiving of Maftir. Through avoiding dispute, one will cause a greater Iluiy Neshamah than even the Maftir itself.[178] |
8. Mishnayos after Davening:[179]
The Chabad custom is for an Avel [over the passing of a parent] to recite Mishnayos after Davening of each prayer [Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv] during Shiva, and throughout the 11 months, and on the Yahrzeit.
For how long:[180] The Mishnayos is studied and recited after Davening up until the end of the saying of Kaddish at the end of eleven months.
What to study:[181] The Avel studies the entire chapter 24 in Keilim and the entire chapter 7 in Mikvaos.[182]
The order of study: The Mishnayos are to be studied prior to Davening and are only concluded at the end of Davening. After the reading of the daily Tehillim by Shacharis, and after the last Kaddish Yasom by Mincha and Maariv, the Avel reads the last Mishnah of Mikvaos chapter 7 aloud[183], beginning from the word Machat, and concluding with the Agadic saying of Rebbe Chanania.[184] This is then followed by a few lines of Tanya which are said quietly[185], and then Kaddish Derabanan. [The Rebbe’s custom, and so is the widespread Chabad custom, was to say the words in Tanya chapter 2 “Vinefesh Hasheinis Beyisrael Hi Chelek Eloka Mimal Mamash”[186] and then wipe his forehead with his finger[187], and then begin Kaddish Derabanan.]
During Shiva: During Shiva, the Avel does not recite Mishnayos after Davening, due to his prohibition against learning Torah. Rather, one Mishnah is read aloud and the Avel then says Kaddish Derabanan. [The custom is to have another person in the Minyan, who is not an Avel, recite the last Mishnah of Mikvaos chapter 7 and the Agadic saying of Rebbe Chanania aloud, which is then followed by Kaddish Derabanan by the mourner. This applies even on Shabbos during the Shiva.]
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Q&A Is a child who says Kaddish for a parent to also say the Mishnayos and Kaddish that follows?[188] Yes. On Tishe Beav, may an Avel recite Mishanyos after Davening as he does throughout the regular year?[189] After Maariv and Shacharis on Tishe Beav, the Avel is to recite the Mishnayos of Moed Katan, saying the last Mishnah of the third chapter. [He is not to conclude with the teaching of Rebbe Chananya, and is to begin straight with Kaddish after concluding the Mishnah.[190]] After Mincha of Tishe Beav, the Avel is to recite the normal Mishanyos and saying of Rebbe Chananya that he recites throughout the year. Mincha Erev Tishe Beav: The Avel is to recite the Mishnayos of Moed Katan, saying the last Mishnah of the third chapter.[191] [He is not to say conclude with the teaching of Rebbe Chananya, and is to begin straight with Kaddish after concluding the Mishnah.[192]] Some[193] however write that the regular Mishnayos may be recited. Erev Tishe Beav falls on Shabbos: When Erev Tishe Beav falls on Shabbos, seemingly he is to recite the regular Mishnayos after Mincha.[194] However, some Rabbanim write that even in such a case he is to recite the Mishnayos of Moed Katan.[195]
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9. Lighting candles:[196]
It is customary for the Avel who is leading the prayers as Chazan to light five candles during the services [of Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv].[197] [The candles are placed in front of, or near, the Chazan. The Avel is to personally light these candles and not use candles that were lit by another person.[198] In the event that the Avel is not leading the prayers, nevertheless the five candles are to be lit if the Avel is participating in the Minyan.[199] If there is no Avel participating in the Minyan, only two candles are lit.[200]]
| Mincha Erev Shabbos and Maariv Motzei Shabbos:
The widespread custom is not to light candles by Mincha of Erev Shabbos and Maariv of Motzei Shabbos. |
10. Hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon:[201]
Hamotzi:[202] In a mourner’s home, the most prestige of those present [who are not mourners] is to recite the Hamotzi over the bread on everyone’s behalf. However, on Shabbos, the Avel recites the Hamotzi on behalf of those present, as is usually done.
Distributing the bread:[203] In general, when distributing pieces of bread to those participating in the meal, the bread is to be placed in front of each one of the participants, and they then each take the bread from in front of them. If, however, one of the participants is a mourner, the bread is to be placed directly into his hand.[204] This however only applies during the week, while on Shabbos [since] there is no mourning [the bread is placed in front of him just like everyone else].[205]
Birchas Aveilim during Shiva:[206] [From the letter of the law] when Birchas Hamazon is recited in the home of an Avel throughout the seven days of Shiva, the fourth blessing is to include a statement of mourning. The blessing is read as follows: “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam… Hamelech Hachaiy Hatov Vehameitiv Keil Emes Dayan Emes Shofet Betzedek[207] Lokeiach Nefashos Bimishpat. Shalit Beolamo Lasos Bo Keritzono, Ki Kol Derachav Mishpat Veanachnu Amo Veavadav, Ubechol Anu Chayavim Lehodos Lo Ulivarcho Goder Pirtzos Yisrael, Hu Yigdor Es Hapirtza Hazos Meialeinu Umeial Avel Zeh Lechayim Uleshalom Harachaman…”[208] In the Shiva home, they are not careful to recite the three Hatavos and three Gemulos that are normally recited as part of the fourth blessing, as they are not mentioned in the Talmud.[209] This applies to both the Avel who is reciting Birchas Hamazon, as well as others who ate with him and are joining for the Zimun.[210] This applies even on Shabbos, if the mourners are eating amongst themselves. If, however, there are other people present, it is not recited on Shabbos.[211] In addition, some are accustomed to add in the third blessing the dialect of Nachem for mourners, and conclude the blessing “Menachem Tziyon Uboneh Yerushalayim”.[212] [Practically, it is no longer customary amongst Ashkenazi Jewry to recite any of these blessing or added dialects in Birchas Hamazon, and rather the regular dialect is followed as recited the rest of the year.[213]]
Zimun:[214] A mourner [who ate a meal with other men] joins a Zimun whether of three or of ten. [This applies at all times, throughout Shiva and the period of Aveilus, with exception to the Seudas Havraah, as explained in Chapter 14 Halacha 4-See there! With regards to which meals it is permitted for an Avel to attend, see chapter 19 Halacha 20.] Some are accustomed to adding in a Zimun taking place in the Shiva home “Nevarech Menachem Aveilim Sheachalnu Mishelo”.[215] [Practically, this is not the widespread custom.[216]]
Leading the Zimun: It is customary for the Avel to lead the Zimun throughout the Shiva.[217] Furthermore, it is proper for the son to try to lead the Zimun throughout the year [i.e. 12 months] of Aveilus.[218] This however is not necessarily a Chabad custom.[219]
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Q&A If one lost his father or mother, is he to still recite the Harachaman that mentions his father/mother in Birchas Hamazon?[220] The Chabad custom is to recite the dialect as usual even after their passing.[221] |
11. The blessing of Shehechiyanu:[222]
It is permitted for a mourner to recite the blessing of Shehechiyanu even during Shiva, such as on a new fruit, or upon lighting Chanukah candles, or reading the Megillah on Purim.
Reciting a public Shehechiyanu:[223] A mourner within Shloshim or 12 months for a parent is to avoid reciting a public blessing of Shehechiyanu, such as by a public Menorah lighting or public Megillah reading.
12. Charity by prayer:[224]
One is to donate money to charity before or after each prayer, in merit of the deceased. It is better to donate a small sum of coins each day than to give a single lump sum. The amount given should be varied each time, so it does not enter the status of a vow. The accumulated moneys should be distributed to various charities on the eve of the following Rosh Chodesh.
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[1] Rama 376:4; Admur 53:26; M”A 53:24; Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Nitei Gavriel 93 footnote 1 in name of: Shaareiy Deiah 383; Lechem Hapanim 383; Kneses Yechezkal 44; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:7; Shalmei Tzibur p. 189b; Kitzur SHU”A 210:5; Teshuvah Meahava 1:50 and 3:384; Makor Chaim 282; Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; Dudaei Hasadeh 47; See Nitei Gavriel 53:1-8
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva and that the custom is not to be Chazan anytime during the 12 months. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam that so is custom even though from letter of law is permitted]
[2] Poskim ibid in explanation of Rama; Implication of Rama ibid that this law refers only to a son, as he says that it is greater than the Avel saying Kaddish and only an Avel for a parent recites Kaddish; See however Admur ibid “If one is a mourner for a father, and desires to pray for the Amud as is done by mourners”
[3] Meaning, Shacharis, Mincha and Maariv. [Yeish Nochalin Hakdama]
[4] The reason it is allowed: Although an Avel is not found in a state of joy, nevertheless he may lead the prayers, and on the contrary it is best for him to do so being that he has a broken heart. [Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Merothenberg 249]
[5] Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid and footnotes of previous ruling
[6] Yeish Nochalin Hakdama
[7] Lechem Hapanim, brought in Beis Lechem Yehuda 376
[8] Kitzur SHU”A 26:22; Yosef Ometz p. 331, brought in Pnei Baruch 35 footnote 35; Chaim Bayad 115; Toras Menachem 1988 2:421, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:309; Sefer Sukkas Shalom, brought in Nitei Gavriel 64, see there in length; See also Yeish Nochalin Hakdama [of Father of Shelah]; Introduction to Nitei Gavriel Volume 2 p. 17
[9] See Admur 53:26; Pela Yoetz Mareches “Amen” that if the son does not know how to verbalize the words properly, he should not be Chazan and should not say Kaddish
[10] See Admur 53:23; M”A 53:20
[11] Igros Kodesh 3:459 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:305]
[12] Igros Kodesh 3:372 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:305]
[13] Igros Kodesh 19:272 and 291, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:297
[14] Ashel Avraham Butchach 89
[15] Nimukei Orach Chaim 89:1
[16] See Nitei Gavriel 54:2 footnote 4
[17] Michaber 384:3; Tur 384 in name of Rosh; Bach in name of Maharam regarding Shiva
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even other relatives who are mourners may Daven for the Amud during Shiva and Shloshim. [See Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Merothenberg 249 [regarding after Shiva]; Peulas Tzaddik 3:188; Nitei Gavriel 93:1 footnote 1]
[18] Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid
[19] See Bach 384; Maharam Merothenberg 249; Derisha 384:3
[20] The reason: As the attribute of judgment is on the Avel and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]
[21] Maharam Shick 370; Chelek Halevi 133; Derech Hachaim; Misgeres Hashulchan 384; Nitei Gavriel 93:2
[22] Minhagei Worms p. 103; The Rebbe was Chazan during Shiva and throughout the 11 months in 1988 after the passing of his wife the Rebbetzin
[23] See Chapter 26 Halacha 2
[24] So replied to me also Rav Y.S. Ginsberg and Rav Garelik in a written correspondence.
[25] Nitei Gavriel 53:4; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 29] and Igros Kodesh Rayatz 6:405; that when the Rebbe Rayatz sat Shiva for his mother he did not Daven for the Amud [due to his illness] and instructed Rav Shmuel Levitin to Daven for the Amud throughout the year
[26] Peri Hasadeh 92; See Toras Menachem 3:7 that the Rebbe Rashab Davened for the Amud on the Yahrzeit of the Tzemach Tzedek and the Rebbe Rayatz Davened for the Amud on the Yahrzeit of the Rebbe Maharash
[27] Rama ibid; Poskim ibid
[28] Rama ibid
[29] The reason: As this is the time that the souls return to Gehinnom, and when the son Davens and sanctifies Hashem in public, it redeems his father and mother from Gehinnom. [Rama ibid; Kol Bo]
[30] Beis Hillel ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam; Ikarei Hadat O.C. 3:9; Makom Shmuel; Yifei Laleiv 5:376] The reason for this is because it is considered like learning Torah, which is forbidden during Shiva. Alternatively, as the attribute of judgment is on the Avel, and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]
[31] Rama 376:4; See Chapter 26 Halacha 3B for the full details and sources of when one finishes saying Kaddish and the same applies regarding leading the prayers.
[32] The reason: This is done in order not to turn one’s father and mother into Reshaim, as the judgment of a Rasha is 12 months. [Rama ibid] The mere ending of the Kaddish after 11 months has the ability to refine the judgment of the deceased and cause him to be elevated above. [Sefer Hasichos 1989 1:175, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:290]
[33] Mateh Ephraim 4:2; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 53:21; Shevet Halevi 3:161 writes one may do so on occasion
[34] Kneses Hagedola 403 in name of Maharil 22; Rav Poalim 3:32; Nitei Gavriel 53:21 in name of Poskim
[35] Nitei Gavriel ibid in name of Poskim
[36] See Nitei Gavriel 56:11
[37] Nitei Gavriel 52:4 in name of Rav Poalim 3:62 [I did not find this in the source mentioned in Rav Poalim]
[38] Rama 376:4
[39] See Nitei Gavriel 2 chapters 53-61
[40] Rama 376:4; Teshuvas Maharil
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule an Avel may Daven for the Amud on Shabbos and Yom Tov. [See Meir Nesivim 80, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:8]
[41] This refers to a person that is within 12 months of mourning for his father or mother [M”A 581:4], and a person that is within 30 days of mourning for other close relatives. [M”B 581:7; Kaf Hachaim 581:33]
[42] See previous footnote
[43] 12 months of mourning for his father or mother. [M”A 581:4] 30 days of mourning for other close relatives. [M”B 581:7; Kaf Hachaim 581:33]
[44] Shach 376:14
[45] See Nitei Gavriel 56:11
[46] Shach 376:14; Taz 376:2; Maryu 47
[47] Yalkut Yosef Aveilus p. 533
[48] See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 56:10
[49] P”M 660 M”Z 2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 581 footnote 81; Nitei Gavriel 56:8
[50] Igros Kodesh 14:430 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:304]; Minchas Yitzchak 9:134; Betzeil Hachochmah 4:199; See Hiskashrus 569:18; Dudaei Hasadeh 44; Vayilaket Yosef 14:41; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 56:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 287 footnote 73; However, see Divrei Malkiel 6:23
[51] Sefer Hamamarim 5708 p. 147; Sefer Haminhagim [English] p. 52 and 180 regarding Yahrzeit falling on Friday and footnote 213 regarding Shabbos; Igros Kodesh 3:20 regarding both Shabbos and Friday [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:327]
The reason: If the Yahrzeit falls on Friday he is to say the Kaddish as ideally Melacha is permitted until Barchu is recited, and it is hence part of the Friday prayers. [footnote of Rebbe in Sefer Haminhagim ibid based on Admur 261:7] It goes without saying that this Kaddish is recited by one whose Yahrzeit is on Shabbos as it is said as part of the Shabbos prayers, as well as that it is today always said after sunset when the Yahrzeit has already begun. [See Shulchan Menachem ibid footnote 10]
[52] Mishmeres Shalom Kudinav 33:1; Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 and 178 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 57:4
[53] Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; Bach 384; Gr”a; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 [English]; See P”M 108 in M”Z and 671 M”Z 8; Minhagei Chasam Sofer 1:14; Biur Halacha 132; Kuntres Ramach Osyos 225 [by Rav Shmuel Gronam] that so was custom of the Rebbe Maharash during year of Aveilus for Tzemach Tzedek; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 57:1
Other opinions: Some communities are accustomed that an Avel leads the prayer for all the Tefilos other than Musaf. [Gilyon Maharsha Y.D. in name of Kneses Hagedola 391; Opinion brought in Igros Kodesh 24:149; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 57:1; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132 footnote 162] If this is the custom of one’s Shul or one’s community then he is to follow this custom and lead the prayers, even if his personal custom is not to do so. [Igros Kodesh ibid; See there that the person who Davened for the Amud was from Vilna and followed the Gr”a who ruled an Avel is not to Daven for the Amud on Rosh Chodesh. Nevertheless, he respected the community custom and did so a few times. Each time he began feeling really sick during Davening and hence asked the Rebbe if perhaps the cause for this is because he is breaking his custom of the Gr”a. The Rebbe replied that he is not to pay attention to this being that he followed the custom of his Shul and that he was obligated to do so according to some Poskim.]
[54] The reason: Some Poskim rule that an Avel does not lead the prayer on any day of joy in which Lamnatzeiach is omitted. [Noam Megadim p. 43] Some rule the reason is because on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43] Others rule the reason is because on these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]
[55] Poskim ibid; Rebbe ibid
[56] This refers to a person who is within 12 months of mourning for his father or mother [M”A 581:4], and a person that is within 30 days of mourning for other close relatives. [M”B 581:7; Kaf Hachaim 581:33]
What is the law during the 13th month of a leap year? If the year one’s parents passed away is a leap year then, nevertheless after 12 months the son may Daven for the Amud on Yom Tov even though it is still prior to the first Yahrzeit. [P”M 660 M”Z 2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 581 footnote 81]
[57] Shach 376:14; M”A 581:4 [in name of Maharil 136; Darkei Moshe; Meil Tzedaka; Hagahos Maimanis]; M”B 581:7; M”E 581:23; Kitzur SH”A 128:8; Kaf Hachaim 581:33
The reason: As the attribute of severity hovers over the Avel for the entire period of his Aveilus. [M”E 581:23;]
If there is no other Chazan available: If the only available Chazan is an Avel, then he may be Chazan on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. [M”B 581:7] This applies even if the Avel is within Shiva. [Gilyon Maharsha 376:14; Piskeiy Teshuvos 6581:13-as the Yom Tov nullifies the Shiva.]
If there is no other Chazan that is as proper as the Avel: The above law likewise applies if there is no other Chazan that is as proper, or as pious, or that contains as sweet of a voice as the Avel, in which case he may be Chazan even on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. [M”E 581:24-25; Kitzur SHU”A 128:8] This applies even if there is mere doubt as to whether the congregation will be pleased with a different Chazan. [M”E ibid]
[58] Gesher Hachaim 23:4-1
[59] Piskeiy Teshuvos 581 footnote 84 that the Poskim did not differentiate in this matter.
[60] M”E ibid; Kitzur SH”A ibid; Alef Hamagen 581:47
[61] The reason for this is because these Poskim are lenient to say that the festival nullifies the Shloshim also regarding prayer within 30 days. [ibid]
[62] Igros Kodesh 7:363 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 3:94]; See M”E 581:25 that rules if the Avel is the set Chazan for a number of years and needs the money for his Parnasa and is liked by the congregation then he may be Chazan.
Other Opinions: It is implied from Kitzur SH”A ibid and M”E 581:24 that the above allowance only applies to one that is within Shloshim of other relatives and not one that is within the year of Aveilus. However the M”E in 581:25 extends the Heter also to an Avel within his year of Aveilus, although with a few conditions as stated above.
[63] Based on directive of Rebbe and Rebbe Rayatz in Igros Kodesh ibid that a certain Chazan of 25 years was in Aveilus and he was told by the Rebbe to continue being Chazan.
[64] Shach 376:14; Maryu 47
[65] Elya Raba 582 [end]; Noda Beyehuda 32, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:8; M”B 581:7; Kitzur SHU”A 128:8; Kaf Hachaim 581:33; See Bach Yoreh Deah 384 that only mentions Shabbos; Yom Tov and Rosh Chodesh regarding the days an Avel avoids Davening for the Amud.
[66] This refers to any Avel, whether he is within Shloshim or within the year of his parents. [See M”E ibid]
[67] M”E 581:23
The reason: As the attribute of severity hovers over an Avel and it is thus not fitting to have him be the messenger of the public during these days that require G-d’s mercy. [Piskeiy Teshuvos 581 footnote 93] Others explain the reason is because the Rama rules that the person who leads the Selichos is to lead the prayers of the rest of the day. [Teshuros Shaiy 531] Accordingly today that this is no longer accustomed the Avel is to Daven for the Amud even according to this custom.
[68] M”E ibid; See previous footnote for reason.
[69] Noda Beyehuda 32; He writes that the public mistakenly compared these days to the days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur which are Holidays, and this is incorrect.
[70] Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3 [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:303]; Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]
[71] Kitzur SHU”A 128:8; M”E 581:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 581:14
[72] Admur 131:5; Maharil 22; Elya Raba 582:22; Gilyon Maharsha 376:4 in name of Kneses Hagedola 391; M”B 581:7 in name of Machatzis Hashekel; Gesher Hachaim 23:5; Sefer Haminhagim p. 161 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Maharam Shick 183; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 58:1; Piskeiy Teshuvos 683:2
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule a mourner is not to lead the prayers of Shacharis during Chanukah, but may lead the prayers of Mincha and Maariv. [M”B 682:1; 671:44 based on P”M; 581:7 in name of Gr”a; Maharam Shick 183 in name of Chasam Sofer; Aruch Hashulchan Y.D. 376:14; Dvar Moshe 84 that so is custom of Chassidim;] Some are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud at all on Chanukah. [See Divrei Yatziv Y.D 236 based on Ramak; Implication of Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Noam Megadim p. 43; Yad Sofer 37 in name of Chasam Sofer; M”B 132 “Kuntrus Mamar Kaddeishim”; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid that so is custom in majority of Chassidic communities; Rivivos Ephraim 1:443 in name of Rav Moshe Feinstein; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31]
[73] The reason: As the congregation is now found in a state of joy which is similar to Shabbos and Yom Tov. [Admur ibid; Maharil ibid; Elya Raba ibid]
[74] Hiskashrus 908 p. 15
[75] Sefer Haminhagim ibid
[76] The reason: As the above law only applies to an Avel which has a status of mourning and is thus not to lead the prayers on Shabbos and Yom Tov. This does not apply by one who has a Yahrzeit.
[77] Gilyon Maharsha 376:4; Implication of Bach Y.D. 384; Sefer Haminhagim [English] p. 161 regarding Chanukah and the same would apply to Purim; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]
[78] Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Elya Raba 582:22; Biur Halacha 132; Minchas Elazar 2:32; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31 and 696:8. On Purim Hameshulash they likewise do not Daven for the Amud on Friday or Sunday. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid] See Divrei Yatziv Y.D 236 based on Ramak
[79] So is the worldly custom. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]
[80] Siddur Yaavetz
[81] Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; See Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 and 178 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31
The reason: The reason is because only on days these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]
[82] Custom in Taz 660:2 in name of Shut Rama; Implication of Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Noam Megadim p. 43; M”B 132 “Kuntrus Mamar Kaddeishim”; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31 and footnote 163 for contradictions in the Peri Megadim and Mishneh Berurah regarding this matter
The reason: As on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43]
[83] Igros Kodesh 14:430 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:304]; See Hiskashrus 569:18; Dudaei Hasadeh 44; Vayilaket Yosef 14:41; Nitei Gavriel 56:2
[84] The following Poskim deal with this matter: Rama 376:4; Sefer Haminhagim Tirana; Shach 376; M”A 132:2; Elya Raba Dinei Kaddish 1; Beir Heiytiv 132:5; P”M 132 A”A 2; Mateh Ephraim Dinei Kaddish; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376; Kitzur SHU”A 26; Biur Halacha 132 “Kuntrus Mamar Kadeishim”; Kneses Yechezkal Y.D. 14; Gesher Hachaim 30; Pnei Baruch 34:39-50; Nitei Gavriel 2:48 and 55; 74; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:23
[85] See Shach 376:10 “He receives precedence regarding Kaddish and Tefila in front of the Amud”
[86] Of Rav Yitzchak Isaac of Tirana, Rav of Vienna, Austria in the 1400’s
[87] See Rama ibid “If there are many mourners it is accustomed…”
[88] Chasam Sofer 345, in name of Shev Yaakov, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:7
[89] Rama 376:4 in name of Maharil regarding a Yahrzeit and certainly he overrides a Shloshim or 12 months mourner
[90] Rama ibid; P”M 132 A”A 2
[91] Shach 376:8; See however M”A 132:2 that he must still distribute to a Yahrzeit one Kaddish
[92] M”A 132:2 in name of Ran; Rav Akiva Eiger 376 and Beis Lechem Yehuda 376
The reason: As regarding Kaddish we don’t say Miktzas Hayom Kekulo. [ibid]
[93] Rama ibid in name of Maharil regarding Kaddish that he overrides the 12 month Avel but not the Shiva Avel, and splits the Kaddeishim with the Shloshim Avel; Shach 376:10; M”A 132:2; Biur Halacha ibid; See Beis Lechem Yehuda 376
[94] Rama ibid regarding Kaddish that the Yahrzeit gets one Kaddish; Taz 376:4; Biur Halacha ibid
Other Poskim: Some Poskim rule the Shloshim does not get any Kaddeishim or Tefilos over the Yahrzeit. [Minhagim, brought in Taz 376:4] Other Poskim rule that one who is within Shloshim receives precedence over a Yahrzeit. [Igros Moshe Yoreh Deah 4:60] The Poskim however rule as does the Rama and Mishneh Berurah and so is the custom. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 117]
[95] Taz 376:4 based on Masas Binyamin 73; Biur Halacha ibid
The reason: As the Ben Shloshim can always make up the Kaddish the next day, while a Yahrzeit can only be commemorated that day, and if he misses his day he loses “his Karban”. [Taz ibid in name of Masaas Binyamin]
[96] Rama ibid; M”A 132:2
[97] Rama ibid towards end; Shach 376:10
[98] Rama ibid regarding an Avel within Shiva pushing off a Baal Yahrzeit; Biur Halacha ibid
[99] Rama ibid in name of Maharil regarding Kaddish that he splits the Kaddeishim with the Shloshim Avel
[100] Biur Halacha ibid
Other Poskim: Some Poskim rule that one who is within Shloshim receives precedence over a Yahrzeit. [Igros Moshe Yoreh Deah 4:60] The Poskim however rule as does the Mishneh Berurah and so is the custom. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 117]
[101] Rama ibid; P”M 132 A”A 2
[102] Shach 376:8; See however M”A 132:2
[103] Rama ibid in name of Maharil regarding Kaddish that the 12-month Avel is overridden by the Yahrzeit, and Rama ibid towards end that he is also overridden by the Shloshim Avel; Shach 376:10; Biur Halacha ibid
[104] M”A 132:2
[105] Beir Heiytiv 132:5; P”M 132 A”A 2 in name of Elya Raba Dinei Kaddish 1
[106] See Rama ibid in name of Maharil and Iggur that when there is a guest versus a resident one is to follow the community custom; See Shach 376:8 regarding a Yahrzeit of a guest; 376:9 regarding Shiva of guest; 376:11 regarding the different customs of communities; 376:12 regarding the definition of a guest; 376:13 regarding if they are of equal status; See Beir Heiytiv 132:5; P”M 132 A”A 2; Biur Halacha ibid; Nitei Gavriel 48:25-31
[107] See Shach 376:12 that residents are considered all those who live in the city and pay the city taxes. The same would then apply in a city with many Shuls, that whoever is a member of the Shul and pays Shul membership is considered a resident of that Shul. Seemingly the same would apply to one who Davens at the Shul constantly, even though he did not pay for membership. See Shach ibid that a border is not considered a resident of his boarding home, although a Yeshiva Bochur is considered a resident of the city of his dorm. See Shach ibid that the sons of the deceased who come to his city are nevertheless considered as guests, however see Gilyon Maharsha 376 in name of Poskim; See Alef Hamagen 4 and Nitei Gavriel 47:11 that one who Davens by a set Minyan has precedence over one who does not
[108] Shach 376:11 that so is the custom in some places, although in other places the custom is to treat a guest just like a resident; See Gilyon Maharsha 376 in name of Maharam Mintz 80 that from the letter of the law a guest and resident have the same status, and hence in a new community they are to follow this custom.
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that if the guest is of a higher level then he receives precedence. [P”M 132 A”A 2]
[109] Shach 376:9 and 13 that regarding Shiva there is no difference between a guest and resident
[110] See Shach 376:11 in name of Minhagim that the guest may receive one prayer and Kaddish if he is of a higher level; Nitei Gavriel ibid for the prayer given to the guest in this situation.
[111] Shach 376:11
[112] Biur Halacha ibid
[113] The reason: As he should simply go to his own Shul rather than come to a different Shul and interfere with its members. This type of guest is different than a guest which does not have a regular Minyan which he attends, and thus does not have anywhere else to Daven in where he would receive precedence. [ibid]
[114] Kiryas Chana 35, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:7; Beis Hillel 376 that so is implied from Rama ibid and Maharik Shoresh 44; See Rama ibid “This Kaddish is only relevant to a mourner over his father or mother and not to a mourner over other relatives” although he concludes “if the custom of the community is to distribute Kaddeishim also to Aveilim of other relatives, then the custom is to be respected, although they are not to receive as much as an Avel for a parent.”; Nitei Gavriel 48:2 and 20
Other opinions: See Rama ibid that some communities distribute some Kaddeishim also to Aveilim of other relatives, although not as much as an
[115] Kiryas Chana ibid and implication of Rama ibid, brought in Beis Hillel; See however Beis Hillel ibid that concludes that in his opinion one should distribute some Kaddeishim to an Avel of a father’s father together with an Avel of a parent, however not by any other relatives
[116] See Rama ibid in name of Maharik Shoresh 44 that some communities distribute some Kaddeishim also to Aveilim of other relatives, although not as much as an Avel for a parent.
[117] Chasam Sofer 345, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:7
[118] See Nitei Gavriel chapter 54
[119] See Shut Min Hashamayim 5; Admur 89; Shulchan Melachim Dinei Tevilas Ezra; Piskeiy Teshuvos 89:1
[120] Whether due to a nocturnal emission or due to marital relations.
[121] See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 54:4; Shulchan Menachem 1:171-174; Piskeiy Teshuvos 68:4
[122] Piskeiy Dinim Tzemach Tzedek 236 regarding that Davening a different Nussach than the congregation does not involve Lo Sisgodedu [He however does not discuss the scenario of a Chazan]; Maaseh Rav of Rav Nosson Adler that Davened Nussach Arizal in his congregation of Nussach Ashkenaz, brought in Chasam Sofer O.C. 16; Nezer Hakodesh 2:12; Sefer Haminhagim p. 5 [English] footnote 16; Igros Kodesh 10:208; 14:391 [Published in Shulchan Menachem 1:171-174] However Tzaruch Iyun from a later dated letter in Igros Kodesh 19:4 in which the Rebbe directs a person who was asked this question that they are not to lead the congregation. Likewise, Rav Shusterman quotes a directive he received from the Rebbe in 1951 to Daven the Nussach of the congregation. Likewise, Tzaruch Iyun from Igros Kodesh 13:497 of the Rebbe Rayatz who gives a public directive to Daven like the congregation. See Hiskashrus 694
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that in all cases the Chazan is to Daven the same Nussach as the congregation. [Maharam Brisk 2:28; Meishiv Davar 17; Shaareiy Tzedek 8; Shoel Umeishiv Tilesa 1:247; Pardes Mordechai; Mishmeres Shalom 13:2; Igros Moshe 2:23; Minchas Yitzchak 7:5; Pnei Baruch 35:3; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 29-30; Poskim in Igros Kodesh ibid] The reason or this is because of Lo Sisgodedu, or because the Chazan is the Shliach of the congregation.
[123] Igros Kodesh ibid; Nezer Hakodesh ibid
[124] Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 13:497; Regarding the practical directive of the Rebbe: a) The Rebbe in two letters and in Sefer Haminhagim permits and even encourages one to Daven his own Nussach if it will go without Machlokes. Thus, seemingly, if doing so will not lead to dispute, and certainly if he received permission from the congregation, he may Daven his own Nussach. If, however, it may lead to strife, then he is to follow the above public directive. See Hiskashrus 694
[125] Meishiv Davar ibid; Shoel Umeishiv ibid; Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 54:4 footnote 7
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even the private Shemoneh Esrei is to be prayed like the Nussach of the congregation, as it is a preparation for Chazaras Hashatz. [Igros Moshe ibid; See Igros Kodesh 10:208; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 30]
[126] Admur 111:3; M”A 111:4; M”B 111:10 in name of P”M that one may only speak for the sake of a Mitzvah; Mor Uketzia 111 that the Chazan is to approximate Geula to Tefila; Kaf Hachaim 53:16 in name of Kesher Gudal 18:21, Beis Oved 10 in name of Gurei Arizal that even the congregation may not speak at all between the silent prayer and Chazaras Hashatz and one who does so transgresses a grave sin; See also M”B 123:18 in name of Achronim that the Chazan is not to speak until after Kaddish Tiskabel, however from Admur ibid it is implied that he may speak starting from after Nefilas Apayim; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 123:5
[127] M”A 127:3
[128] Sefer Haminhagim p. 28 [English]
[129] See Hayom Yom 7th Sivan
[130] Admur 128:55; Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25; See Gesher Hachaim 5; Nitei Gavriel 95:5-6; Vol. 2 chapter 36; Pnei Baruch 10:25; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87
[131] Admur ibid; M”A 128:64
[132] The reason: Although an Onen is obligated in all the Mitzvos on Yom Tov, nevertheless, he is not found in a state of joy. [Admur ibid]
[133] Kaf Hachaim 128:254; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87; This applies according to all even after the Chevra Kadisha has taken charge, until the second day of Shiva.
[134] M”B 128:158 in name of Peri Chadash and other Poskim
[135] Admur ibid; M”A 128:66; Shaar Ephraim 52; Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 399:2
[136] The reason: Although he does not yet begin Aveilus, nevertheless, he is forbidden in joy throughout all the days of the festival. [Admur ibid]
Custom in Eretz Yisrael: Some write that in Eretz Yisrael the Kohen is to perform Nesias Kapayim, being it is prior to the start of the Shiva. [Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87; See Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25]
[137] Admur 128:55; Michaber 128:43
Other opinions/customs: Some Poskim rule an Avel is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim, even during Shiva. [Radbaz 2:1; Shulchan Gavoa 384:8; Shalmei Tzibur p. 185; Kaf Hachaim 128:253] Some Jerusalemite families of Kohanim are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim during Shiva. Some do so only on Shabbos, and some do so even during the weekday. [Kaf Hachaim ibid; Gesher Hachaim ibid]
[138] The reason: As he is not found in a state of joy, and a Kohen who blesses Klal Yisrael is to be found in a state of joy, and gladness of heart, as we find by Yitzchak who asked for delicacies to be made for him prior to him giving the blessings. [Admur ibid; M”A 128:64; Shivlei Haleket 23; Mordechai] However, from the letter of the law he is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim. [Admur ibid]
[139] Admur ibid; M”A 128:66
[140] Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25 and footnote 52 as so rules the Michaber
Other customs: Some Jerusalemite families of Kohanim are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim even when they are Aveilim during Shiva. and some do so even during the weekday. [Kaf Hachaim 128:253; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Pnei Baruch 10:27; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87] See Gesher Hachaim ibid and Nitei Gavriel 95:5 in name of Poskim that if he is the only Kohen in Shul, he is to perform Nesias Kapayim on Shabbos as otherwise it is public Aveilus. However, from Admur ibid it is clear that the above custom applies even if he is the only Kohen in Shul and even on Yom Tov. See Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87 footnote 394 who records a dispute in Poskim on this matter.
[141] Gesher Hachaim ibid
[142] Admur ibid; Rama 128:43; M”A 128:65-66; Kitzur SHU”A 100:22; Siddur Yaavetz; Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25; See Kaf Hachaim 128:253; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 36:2
Other opinions and customs: Some Poskim rule that after Shiva, an Avel who is a Kohen is to perform Nesias Kapayim. [Michaber 128:43; Radbaz 1:1; Zera Emes Y.D. 162; Peri Chadash 128:43; Biur Hgr”a 128:43; Kaf Hachaim 128:253] Practically, the Sephardim are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim even during the period of Aveilus, and so is accustomed by certain communities of Chassidim and Ashkenazim. [See Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87; Nitei Gavriel 36:2 footnote 5 that so is custom of most Chassidim]
[143] The reason: As he is not found in a state of joy, as is seen from the fact it is forbidden for him to attend a wedding and the like. [Admur ibid; M”A 128:64; Shivlei Haleket 23;]
[144] Admur ibid; M”A ibid; Chayeh Adam 32:9
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that on Shabbos or Yom Tov, if he is the only Kohen in Shul, he is to perform Nesias Kapayim, as it is forbidden to show public Aveilus. [M”B 128:159 in name of Kneses Yechezkal 12; Beir Heiytiv; Derech Hachaim; Kitzur SHU”A 100:22; Aruch Hashulchan 128:61; Kaf Hachaim 128:256; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Beir Moshe 7:206; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87; Nitei Gavriel 36:3]
[145] Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87; Nitei Gavriel 36:1; See however Shevet Halevi 1:43
[146] Admur ibid
[147] Admur ibid; Rama 128:44
The reason: As otherwise they will transgress a Biblical command by not doing Nesias Kapayim, as from the letter of the law they are allowed to perform Nesias Kapayim. [Admur ibid]
[148] The reason: In order so people do not say that [the reason the Kohen is not moving his feet prior to Ritzei is because] the Kohen is a Pagum. [Admur ibid; M”A ibid; Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25]
[149] Admur ibid; Rama 128:44
[150] Admur ibid; M”A 128:4; Beir Heiytiv 128:74; M”B 128:157
[151] The reason: In order so he does not transgress a Biblical command. [Admur ibid; M”A 128:4]
[152] Igros Kodesh 3:7; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:394 that so was the custom of the Rebbe Rashab [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:308]; Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair 132
[153] So also writes Nitei Gavriel 65:8
[154] Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]; Igros Kodesh 3:7; 17:271 that so was a directive of the Rebbe Rayatz; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:394 that so was the custom of the Rebbe Rashab [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:308 and 310]; See Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair 132; The Rebbe, for reasons known to him, only read the Torah on Monday’s, Thursday’s and by Mincha of Shabbos. [Igros Kodesh 17:271]
[155] Implied from Igros Kodesh 17:271 [see previous footnote]; omitted from Sefer Haminhagim ibid
[156] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 147:9; Pnei Baruch 34:14; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 chapter 45
[157] Sdei Chemed Kaddish 143 in name of Agudas Eizov 7, based on based on Rashbatz 3:171; Mateh Ephraim Kaddish 3:1; Alef Hamagen Kaddish 3:3; Shaareiy Ephraim 10:9 regarding if the Avel received Maftir or Shelishi; Gesher Hachaim 8-2; Pnei Baruch ibid
[158] Alef Hamagen ibid, however see Shaareiy Ephraim in previous and next footnote
[159] Maharam Brisk 1:118; Mishmeres Shalom Kudinov on Midrash Pinchas 35; Sefer Hachaim 139:1; See Shaareiy Ephraim ibid and Ketzos Hashulchan 84 footnote 3 and Torah Leshma 422 that imply it only belongs to the Avel if he says Maftir; See Halichos Shlomo 12:27 in name of Rav SZ”A and other Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 1 that this Kaddish belongs to the souls of the deceased that don’t have a person saying Kaddish for them and hence should not be said by an Avel
[160] Sefer Haminhagim p. 32 [English]
Story of Rebbe Rashab: One time during the year of Aveilus of the Rebbe Rashab after the passing of his mother, he went forward to say the half Kaddish that is recited after Kerias Hatorah and in the meantime, another individual began saying it. Upon seeing the Rebbe Rashab, the individual stopped and the Rebbe Rashab said Kaddish and he then told the individual to also say Kaddish, and so was done. Usually, however, the Rebbe Rashab would receive Shelishi or Maftir, and consequently say the Kaddish afterwards. [Sefer Haminhagim p. 179; Hayom Yom Vol. 2, Reshimos Hayoman p. 471, brought in Shulchan Menachem 1:262]
[161] Shaareiy Ephraim 10:9 and Ketzos Hashulchan 84 footnote 3 regarding if the Avel received Maftir or Shelishi; However, see Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 35 for Poskim who write the Avel is not to say it on Shabbos and Yom Tov
[162] Shevet Halevi 8:163; see Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid
[163] Nitei Gavriel 45:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim
[164] Nitei Gavriel 45:3 footnote 7 in name of Agudas Eizov and Tashbatz ibid
[165] Rama 376:4; Levush 376:4; Beis Yosef and Darkei Moshe 376; Kol Bo 114; Rivash 115; Maaseh Derebbe Akiva recorded in Midrash Zohar Chadash Acharei p. 49b that a Niftar came to Rebbe Akiva in a dream and told him that the Maftir helped elevate his soul from Gehinnom throughout the 12 months; Ketzos Hashulchan 88 footnote 4; Igros Kodesh 3:7; 17:271 that so was the directive of the Rebbe Rayatz; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:394 that so was the custom of the Rashab; See Pnei Baruch 35:14; Nitei Gavriel 65:9; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:18
[166] The reason: As the blessings of the Haftorah discuss the redemption of Klal Yisrael [Seder Hayom] and hence help elevate the Neshamah similar to Kaddish. [Pnei Baruch ibid footnote 32] Additionally, the congregation answers Amen to his blessings which also helps elevate the Neshamah similar to the Amen’s of Kaddish. [Nimukei Orach Chaim 284:3]
[167] See Halacha 1B
[168] So replied to me also Rav Y.S. Ginsberg and Rav Garelik in a written correspondence.
[169] Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:394 that by the Rebbe Rashab, during his year of Aveilus, there were three Minyanim for Kerias Hatorah.
[170] Nitei Gavriel 65:10
[171] As Here too one merits the congregation with the saying of Amen; See Igros Kodesh 3:7
[172] See Rama 376:4 who implies that also Maftir is ideally to be said for the 12-month period, similar to Kaddish
[173] Rama ibid regarding Kaddish and being a Chazan and the same seemingly implies to the Haftorah, and so writes: Igros Kodesh 3:7 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:308]; Nitei Gavriel ibid; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 284:1 footnote 5
Other opinions: Some are accustomed to reciting Maftir throughout the 12 months. [Rivash ibid, brought in Kaf Hachaim 284:6; Mateh Ephraim 4:2; Levushei Mordechai Tinyana 164; Pnei Baruch ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos 284:1 footnote 5]
[174] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 284:1; M”A 282:18; Levush 282; Biur Halacha 136 “Shabbos” who all omit this Chiyuv
[175] Ketzos Hashulchan 88 footnote 4
[176] As is the law regarding Kaddish and leading the prayers, in which a Yahrzeit receives precedence; Az Nidbaru 2:72 that so is the custom even though receiving Maftir for an Avel is brought in the Rama while receiving Maftir for a Yahrzeit is only a custom; Piskeiy Teshuvos 284 footnote 8
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that an Avel within the 12 months receives precedence over a Yahrzeit regarding Maftir. [Maaseh Eliyahu 294, brought in Pnei Baruch 35 footnote 32]
[177] Admur 53:29; M”A 53:26; Kaf Hachaim 284:6
[178] Kaf Hachaim ibid
[179] Sefer Haminhagim p. 36; Glosses of Rebbe to Sefer Hamamarim 1949 p. 74 and 1950 p. 6; Igros Kodesh 11:33 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:301]; Igros Kodesh 4:143 regarding Minhagei Yud Shevat; Igros Kodesh Rashab Halacha 80 “In the 1st year, learn one Perek of Mishnayos each day after Davening”
Motzei Shabbos: Some have the tradition of studying the Mishnayos of Mikvaos every Motzei Shabbos, after Havdalah, throughout the 12 months. [Editor in Siddur Tehilas Hashem in name of Sefer Maaseh Oreg of the Kumrana; Pnei Baruch 35:17]
[180] Sources ibid
Other customs: Some are accustomed to study the above Mishnayos throughout the 12 months of mourning. [Editor in Siddur Tehilas Hashem in name of Sefer Maaseh Oreg of the Kumrana]
[181] Sources in previous footnote; However, see Igros Kodesh 3:7 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:309] that the first 30 days he is to learn both chapters of Keilim and Mikvaos, while afterwards he is to only learn the last four Mishnayos of Mikvaos, which spells the letters of Neshamah
[182] The reason: This Seder of Taharos deals with purification of the dead, and this Perek of Keilim contains 17 Mishnayos which all conclude with the words Taharah Meklum. [Editor of Tehilas Hashem in name of the Ruziner] There is also a tradition from Eliyahu Hanavi, brought in Eitzei Eden and Maaseh Oreg, that the study of this chapter in Miseches Mikvaos elevates the soul of the Niftar to it proper place, and therefore is to be studied throughout the 12 months. The last four Mishanyos of this chapter spell the word Neshamah. [Editor of Tehilas Hashem in name of Maaseh Oreg]
[183] Sefer Haminhagim ibid
[184] See Admur 54:4; Ketzos Hashulchan 16:2
[185] Sefer Haminhagim ibid; Sefer Hamamarim ibid; Igros Kodesh 4:143 regarding Minhagei Yud Shevat; Likkutei Sichos 2:506 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:301] “The Rebbe Rayatz would lean on his hand after finishing the Mishnayos and say something in silent. Afterwards he told me that he was saying lines of Tanya”; See Toras Menachem Reshimos p. 416 that throughout the 11 months the Rebbeim would say Tanya Baal Peh, a Perek or two Perakim, or a few lines”
[186] See Minhagei Melech p. 32
[187] See Toras Menachem Reshimos ibid
[188] Igros Kodesh 18:266 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:301
[189] Igros Kodesh 11:306 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 3:269] regarding a Yahrzeit on Tishe Beav; Nitei Gavriel 75:9 regarding both a Yahrzeit and Avel; Vetzaruch Iyun, as a) Why is it not permitted to say the regular Mishnayos due to Seder Hayom and b) The above answer of the Rebbe was regarding a Yahrzeit which is only saying it on Tishe Beav, while a regular Avel has said it throughout the year and is part of his Seder Hayom, and hence perhaps the Rebbe never meant to prohibit him from saying it. Nevertheless, practically, the Rebbe said Moed Katan in 1988 even by Mincha of Shabbos.
[190] Ruling of Beis Din to the Rebbe, brought in Yoman of Rav Groner
[191] See Igros Kodesh 11:306 and Nitei Gavriel 75:9; Likewise, see Yoman of Rav Groner that only on Shabbos was the Rebbe surprised that the regular Mishnayos could not be said, being that we don’t show any public Aveilus.
[192] See above
[193] Hiskashrus Tishe Beav footnote 13
[194] See Likkutei Sichos 14:185 “I am pleased with your ruling that one should conclude the regular Mishnayos of Mikvaos on this Shabbos, with the saying of Rebbe Chananya, and on the contrary, specifically on this Shabbos does it say to have a meal like Shlomo in his days.”
The reason: As otherwise it is Aveilus Bifarhesya, and so exclaimed the Rebbe to Rav Groner that he is surprised at the ruling of the Rabbanim who ruled to him to say the Mishnayos of Moed Katan. [See Yoman of Rav Groner 1988]
[195] Answer of Beis Din to the Rebbe upon him asking which Mishnayos he is to recite, and so did the Rebbe that year, he recited from Moed Katan
[196] Sefer Hamamarim 5708 p. 146; Igros Kodesh 16:12; Toras Menachem 2 p. 125; Sefer Haminhagim p. 19 [English]; Shulchan Menachem 5
[197] The reason: Each of the five candles correspond to one of the five levels of the soul which are Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chaya, Yechida.
[198] Torah Leshma 520 that the son himself is to light the candle on behalf of his father or mother; Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680; Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, recorded in Reshimos 183:11
[199] Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680
[200] Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680
[201] Shulchan Aruch 379
[202] Michaber 378:13; Hagahos Maimanis in name of Yerushalmi
[203] Admur 167:21; Michaber 167:18; Chochmas Adam 163:16; Aruch Hashulchan 378:13
[204] Admur ibid; Michaber ibid; Rashba 1:278; Bahag Brachos 6; Rambam; Yalkut Shemoni; Kesef Mishneh in name of Midrash; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 167:26
[205] Admur ibid; M”A 167:39; Bedek Habayis in name of Rav Manoach; Bahag ibid
The reason: As public mourning is forbidden on Shabbos. [Levushei Serud ibid; P”M 167 A”A 39]
[206] Admur 189:8; Michaber O.C. 189:2; Y.D. 379:1; Brachos 46b
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that Birchas Aveilim is only recited in the house of an Avel when a Zimun of ten is taking place. [Tosfos Kesubos 5b; Maharam Ravkash 676; Beis Yosef 379 in name of Ramban and Rambam]
[207] Michaber ibid; See Shach 379:1 for additional words that must be added
[208] Admur ibid; Rama 379:1; See Shach 379:2 for additional words that must be added
[209] Admur ibid; Nussach of Michaber ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the three Gemulos and Hatavos are to be recited in the Beis Havel just like is done throughout the rest of the year, as established the Sages. [Shach ibid]
[210] Admur ibid
[211] Michaber 379:4; Tur in name of Ramban
The reason: As it is forbidden to perform public customs of Aveilus on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid; Shach 379:5]
[212] Michaber 379:2; Kol Bo; See Shach 379:3-4
[213] Maharam Ravkash 676; Elya Raba 189:3; Beir Hagoleh 379; P”M 189 M”Z 1; Machatzis Hashekel 189:2; Kitzur SHU”A 207:7; Yad Avraham 379; Gilyon Maharsha 379; Likkutei Maharich Seder Birchas Hamazon; Kaf Hachaim 189:12; Gesher Hachaim 20:2-13; This blessing was omitted from Admur in Siddur; Piskeiy Teshuvos 188:3
The reason: As we rely on those Poskim who rule that the blessing is only recited when there is a Zimun of ten taking place. [Beir Hagoleh ibid]
Other customs and Sephardic custom: Some are accustomed to reciting this blessing even today. [Sdei Chemed Aveilus 186; Teshuvah Meahava 3:412 that so did the Noda Beyehuda; Misgeres Hashulchan 373; Piskei Maharash Milublin 30; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 100 :3 footnote 7] The Sephardim are accustomed to reciting the above dialect as written in Shulchan Aruch. [Piskeiy Teshuvos 188:3; See Yabia Omer 6:38; Yalkut Yosef Aveilus]
[214] Michaber 379:5; Mordechai; See Admur 189:8
Should they initially eat together to make a Zimun? Some Poskim rule the mourner is to initially avoid eating in a group of three in order to avoid a Zimun, just as is the law on Erev Tishe Beav. [Rav Shlomo Kluger in Chochmas Shlomo 379 and Kinas Sofrim and Halef Lecha Shlomo 318] Others rule it is to be done even initially. [Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 100:1 footnote 3 and Pnei Baruch 10:13 footnote 23]
[215] Michaber 379:3; Kol Bo; See Shach 379:3-4
[216] Omitted from Admur in Siddur
[217] Sheilas Yaavetz 1:74, brought Pischeiy Teshuvah 379:1
The reason: There is no source for this in the Talmud or Poskim, although it is seemingly based on the saying of the Sages that the Avel sits at the head of the table, and the person who is the head should lead the Zimun. [ibid]
[218] Shvus Yaakov 1:102; Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3 in name of Chinuch Beis Yehuda 91; Yosef Ometz p. 331; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:204; Kitzur SHU”A 204:4; M”B 201:1; Igros Kodesh 3:372 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306]; Pnei Baruch 35:18; Nitei Gavriel 65:15
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule there is no source or purpose in leading the Zimun past the Shiva, during the 12 months. [Sheilas Yaavetz ibid]
[219] See Igros Kodesh ibid that when the son is saying Kaddish he did not hear or receive a directive from the Rebbe Rayatz that one is to strive to lead the Zimun; See Sefer Haminhagim p. 180 [English] that we do not lead the Zimun on Shabbos by Shalosh Seudos
[220] Sefer Haminhagim p. 45 [English]; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 1:202; Piskei Hasiddur Hakdama that so was the custom of the Tzemach Tzedek; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 308
Other customs: Some write one is to omit this phrase once the parent passes away, and so is the widespread custom of most Jewry. [Siddur Rav Kopel; Daas Kedoshim; Tzelusa Deavraham; Nitei Gavriel 100:9; Piskeiy Teshuvos 189 footnote 4]
[221] The reason: As each one the Harachamans correspond to the ten Sefiros, and “mother and father” correspond to Chochma and Bina. [ibid]
[222] M”A 551:42; Sefer Chassidim 840; Birkeiy Yosef 551:15; Kitzur Kaf Hachaim 551:204; 671:73
[223] Maharam Mintz 43; Taz 671:8; P”M 671 M”Z 8; Machazik Bracha 671:9; Chayeh Adam 154:17; Derech Hachaim 4; M”B 671:44; Shaareiy Teshuvah 671:7; Kaf Hachaim 671:73; See also regarding Megillah: M”B 692:1; Derech Hachaim 2; Kaf Hachaim 692:7
Other opinions: Some Poskim permit the Avel to recite Shehechiyanu even by a public lighting. [Olas Shmuel 106 that he has not seen the world be careful in this matter; Teshuvah Meahava 2:286; Mishmeres Shalom ibid; Gesher Hachaim 23:4; Beis Yitzchak Yoreh Deah 2:158; Minchas Elazar 2:32; See Nitei Gavriel 37:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 692:6]
[224] Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]
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