Forgiving your honor as a parent

Forgiving your honor as a parent:[1]

A father [or mother] who forgives his [or her] honor, his [or her] honor is forgiven. [This, however, only means that the children will not be punished for disrespecting him in such a case that the parent was forgiving of the respect. However, certainly the Mitzvah of honoring one’s parent still remains upon the child, and hence even if the child knows that his parent forgives a certain matter of respect, there is a Mitzvah for him to still do it even though he will not be punished for it if he does not.[2] Furthermore, some Poskim[3] write that when the parent and the child are in the presence of other people, then the child is to perform the honor for his parent even if his parent forgave the honor, in order so others do not learn to be lenient.]

Should a Parent be Mochel:[4] A parent is not to overburden his children with demands and to be overparticular with their respect towards him, in order so he does not cause them to stumble. Rather, he should forgive [his honor] and ignore their disrespect. [However, it is not proper for a parent to dismiss and forgive all matters of his honor, or on a constant basis, and rather he should be particular on occasion in order to emphasize the concept to his children.[5]]

Part 2: The remaining details of this Halacha


[1] Michaber 240:19; Tur 240:19; Rambam Mamrim 6:8; Kiddushin 32a; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:51

[2] Radbaz 1:524 in name of Rameh, brought in Shita Mekubetzes Bava Metzia 32a in name of Rosh, in name of Maharam; Brought in Gilyon Rebbe Akiva Eiger 240:8, Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:16; Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:96 “It is an obligation for one to beware of the honor of his mother…and even if she is Mochel, G-d forbid to rely on this.”

[3] Sefer Chassidim 339 regarding standing in his honor

[4] Michaber 240:19; Tur 240:19; Rambam Mamrim 6:8; Kiddushin 32a

[5] Chazon Ish Y.D. 149:1; 151:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid

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