May one get married and make a wedding on a Friday?

Getting married [i.e. making a wedding] on a Friday:

Is it permitted, and should it be done?

It is disputed amongst the Rishonim and Poskim as to whether one may get married and make a wedding on Erev Shabbos. Some Poskim[1] rule that it is forbidden to make a wedding on Friday due to fear that one may come to transgress Shabbos as a result of the [celebration and] meal preparation.[2] Other Poskim[3], however, rule that it is permitted to get married[4] and make a wedding on Friday.[5] Practically, the widespread custom of the world is to be lenient and perform weddings on Fridays, and so is the ruling of Admur. One who does so may celebrate the Seudas Mitzvah that day following the Chupa.[6] [In previous times, this was a very common occurrence amongst the general public. Today, however, Friday weddings are less common. A possible reason for this is because the Friday weddings which took place in past times usually had the wedding feast celebrated on Friday night. Today, however, Friday weddings are commonly celebrated with their feast on Erev Shabbos, and thus people are more apprehensive in scheduling a wedding for such a date when many people may not be able to participate. Likewise, Lechatchila there is a guest limitation when making a Friday wedding celebration, as explained below. In addition, being that many people have non-religious relatives, making a wedding on a Friday may cause them to transgress Shabbos when they travel back from the wedding. In any event, it remains permitted for a couple to schedule a wedding on Erev Shabbos if he so chooses.]

The Chabad custom: Some of the Chabad Rabbeim, and their children, got married on Erev Shabbos.[7] This follows the custom of the Talmidei Habaal Shem Tov who would marry off their children and grandchildren on Friday.[8]

When should the Chuppah and reception take place?

When on Friday should the meal be eaten?[9] When possible, it is a Mitzvah to initially begin the Seudas Mitzvah prior to the [beginning[10] of the] 10^th hour [Zmaniyos] of the day[11] [or earlier, as much as possible[12]]. [Practically, this is three Zmaniyos hours prior to sunset. Thus, if there are 60 minutes per Zmaniyos hour that day and sunset is at 6:00 P.M. one is to start the feast before 3:00 P.M.] If it is not possible to begin the meal prior to the 10^th hour of the day one may begin the meal up until sunset.[13]

How many people may be invited to the Seudas Mitzvah?[14] It is proper[15] not to invite more than ten male guests for the meal. These ten guests are in addition to the invitation of those guests which are personally connected to the Simcha such as the relatives[16] and Shushvinin[17]. Thus, one may invite ten more guests besides for the above guests.

Yichud and Beilas Mitzvah:[18]

When a wedding takes place on Friday care must be taken that the Chasan and Kalah have fully valid Yichud prior to Shabbos, otherwise they may not be together in private on Shabbos.[19] This matter, as well as that of the Beilas Mitzvah, will IYH be further discussed in our Taharas Hamishpacha weekly email!

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[1] 1^st Opinion in Michaber in Even Haezer 64:4; Rambam Ishus 10:14; Kesubos 5a; Maggid Mishneh ibid in name of Rambam Kesubos ibid and Riy Migash

[2] He may come to slaughter a chicken for the feast. [Beis Shmuel 64:4; Kesubos ibid]

[3] Admur 249:6; 2^nd Opinion in Michaber in Even Haezer 64:4; Tur 64; Rosh Kesubos 1:10; Implication of Rif who omits the above Gemara; Ran Kesubos ibid; M”A 249:3

How can this opinion dissent against the Gemara? As they hold that based on the Gemara’s conclusion [Kesubois 7a] that it is permitted to have the Beilas Mitzvah on Shabbos, the previous conclusion is overruled. [See Ran ibid]

[4] This applies to both stages of marriage the Eirusin or Nesuin. [Admur ibid]

[5] The reason: Neither stages of marriage, neither the Eirusin or Nesuin, should be delayed until after Shabbos. The Eirusin should not be delayed as another person may come to marry the bride in the interim. The Nessuin should likewise not be delayed in order to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. [Admur ibid; M”A ibid] Thus, although in general we rule that it is forbidden to schedule a Seudas Mitzvah for Erev Shabbos [see Admur ibid], getting married is an exception to this rule due to the above reason.

[6] Admur 249:6

[7] The Rebbe Rayatz got married on the 13^th of Elul 5657 which was on Erev Shabbos. [See Hisvadyus 1988 Vol. 4] Based on “Days in Chabad”: The parents of the Alter Rebbe, Rabbi Baruch and Rebbetzin Rivka, got married on Friday the 17^th Elul 5503. Likewise, the Alter Rebbe got married on Friday the 12^th of Menachem Av 5520; Rebbetzin Bracha, the daughter of the Mittler Rebbe got married on Friday the 14^th of Shevat 5568. Likewise, Rebbetzin Chaya Sarah, the daughter of the Mittler Rebbe, got married on Friday the 15^th of Menachem Av 5586. The Maharil, the son of the Tzemach Tzedek got married on Friday the 14^th of Mar-Cheshvan 5585. Rebbetzin Devorah Leah, the daughter of the Rebbe Maharash got married on Friday the 10^th of Elul 5652. Likewise, Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, the daughter of the Rebbe Maharash, got married on Friday the 15^th of Menachem Av 5586. The Rashag married the daughter of the Rebbe Yayatz on Friday the 11^th of Sivan 5681. [The Tzemach Tzedek got married on a Sunday the 5^th of Kisleiv 5564; The Rebbe got married on a Tuesday, the 14^th of Kisleiv 5689]

[8] Nimukei Orach Chaim 280:1

[9] Admur 249:7; M”A 249:6; Bach 249; Elya Raba 249:2

[10] Admur 249:9

[11] Other Opinions: The Mishneh Berurah 249:13 [and so rules Kaf Hachaim 249:14; 581:66] rules that the meal should be eaten in the morning [prior to midday]. He basis this ruling on the ruling of the Rama in 695:2 that when Purim falls on Erev Shabbos one is to start the meal prior to midday. The Ketzos Hashulchan [69 footnote 8] however argues that one cannot learn from the Purim feast laws that all meals of a Seudas Mitzvah are to be eaten prior to midday as there is much greater of a chance of becoming drunk by a Purim meal, and hence it was initially set to be eaten before midday. However other feast of a Seudas Mitzvah can be eaten even initially up to the 10^th hour.

[12] Ketzos Hashulchan 69 footnote 8, as the earlier one can make the meal the more praiseworthy it is for the honoring of Shabbos. Practically it is the custom to make the meal as early as possible.

[13] So is implied from Admur 249:6

[14] Admur 249:7; Shelah beginning of Miseches Shabbos p. 131, brought in M”A 249:6 and Elya Raba 249:2

Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that one may invite as many guests as one desires. [Implication of Rama and Levush, brought in Kuntrus Achron 249:1] The Shulchan Hatahor [Komrana 249:7] rules that until midday one may invite as many guests as he desires, even 1000. This is because he learns the main prohibition is to set a weekly meal for Friday, while by occasional feasts the prohibition is mainly on the Baal Haseuda and not the guests. However clearly this is not the opinion of Admur.

[15] Lit. Tov. In Kuntrus Achron 249:1 Admur explains that the implication from the Rama/Levush is that one may be completely lenient in this regard and invite as many guests as he desires. Thus, Admur here simply writes it is proper to be stringent in this and not that it is an actual obligation.

[16] A relative is defined as any relative that is invalid to give testimony regarding the Baalei Hasimcha [the person celebrating the Mitzvah]. [Kuntrus Achron 249:1; Ketzos Hashulchan 69 footnote 9] This includes the following relatives: Siblings and brother and sister in-laws; Parents and stepparents; Grandparents and step grandparents; children and their spouses; Grandchildren and their spouses; Uncles and Aunts including great Uncles and Aunts; First Cousins; Nephews. [See Choshen Mishpat 33:2]

[17] The Shushvinin are the escorts of the Chasan and Kalah upon them walking to the Chupa.

[18] Admur 339:8

[19] The reason: As there are opinions which rule that Nessuin only takes place upon having complete Yichud, and one cannot make an acquisition on Shabbos. [Admur ibid]