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The Mitzvah of Peru Urevu

1. The Mitzvah of Peru Urevu:

A. The general command to get married and have children:[1]

Every man is obligated to marry a woman in order to have children.

The severity of one who does not try to have children:[2] Whoever is not active in trying to have children is likened to a murderer, and diminishes the Divine image and causes the Shechinah to ascend from Israel.

Obligation of women:[3] A woman is not obligated in the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [although she does receive the Mitzvah for assisting her husband in having children[4]]. [Furthermore, some Poskim[5] rule that she is nevertheless obligated in the Mitzvah of Lasheves, to procreate the world.]

 

B. How many children must one have to fulfill the Mitzvah of having children?[6]

Biblically: When a man fathers a boy and a girl, he fulfills the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [as soon as the child is born[7]]. [If he only fathered one gender, either male or female, then he does not fulfill his obligation even if he has many grandchildren of both genders.[8]] Nonetheless, certain criteria must be met for these children to be valid for the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu.

1. The children can procreate:[9] In order for a child that is born to be valid towards one’s fulfillment of Peru Urevu, the child must be physically capable of bearing children. This applies for both the son and daughter. Thus, if the son is a Saris [impotent] or the daughter is an Aylanis[10], they are invalid in counting towards one’s fulfillment of the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. [It however is not necessary for the son and daughter to actually have children, in order to be valid for their father’s Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. Thus, even if the son or daughter marries a spouse who cannot have children, or does not get married at all, the father fulfills his obligation.[11]]
2. The children do not pass away in the father’s lifetime:[12] If both the lone son and daughter passed away [in the lifetime of the father[13]], then the father only fulfills the mitzvah of Peru Urevu if his deceased children left him a male and female grandchild, having at least one child of different gender from each the son and daughter. Thus, whether the daughter left him a son or daughter, and whether the son left him a daughter or son, he fulfills his obligation so long as he has a son from one child and a daughter from another child. It does not suffice if only one child left him children, even if that child left him a son and daughter, if the other child did not have any children. It likewise does not suffice if a son and daughter left him children of the same gender, such as two sons or two daughters.[14] [However some Poskim[15] are lenient and rule that it suffices if he has two male grandchildren, one from each child. Furthermore, some Poskim[16] rule that even having female grandchildren suffices, if he has one from each child. According to the former approach, if one’s only son or daughter passed away then the child who passed away is not considered as part of the necessary two children to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, unless that child left a child of their gender, and one in total has descendants who are male and female. Thus, for example, if the son passed away and left a son as a child, then that Grandson together with his daughter are considered part of his fulfillment of the mitzvah. Likewise, if the daughter passed away and left the daughter as a child, then the son and granddaughter together help him fulfill his mitzvah. However, if the lone son who passed away left only daughters, or the lone daughter who passed away left only sons, then he does not fulfill the Mitzvah if he only has descendants of one gender.[17]]
3. The mental state of the child:[18] A child who was born a Mamzer [to the knowledge of the public[19]], Shoteh, or Cheresh, is valid to count towards the obligation. Certainly, a child who is still below Bar/Bas Mitzvah counts towards the obligation.
4. A Jewish born child:[20] [If one fathered a child with a gentile woman, he does not fulfill his obligation.] However, if a gentile converted together with his family, then if he has a son and daughter who converted, he fulfills his obligation. [Furthermore, some Poskim[21] rule that he fulfills his obligation even if they do not convert.]
5. The child is born from penetrative intercourse:[22] Some Poskim[23] question whether a child that was fathered without penetrative intercourse [i.e. Nisabra Bambatya; IUI; IVF; Sperm donor] counts as part of one’s obligation of Peru Urevu. Other Poskim[24] conclude that it is valid.

The Rabbinical Mitzvah of Liareiv: All the above is only in regards to the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, however, Rabbinically, even if one already has children and fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, he Rabbinically remains obligated in the Mitzvah of Liareiv, to further procreate the world.[25]

 

C. By what age must one get married to try to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu:[26]

One may not pass 20 years of age without being married [and is thus to place effort to be married prior to reaching 20 years of age].[27] One who does not get married by 20 years old transgresses and nullifies a Biblical positive command.[28] [If however he is not married by twenty years old due to matters beyond his control, then he does not transgress any prohibition.[29] Likewise, some Poskim[30] rule it is permitted to delay marriage until 24 years old in order to find a proper Zivug, or due to other reasons.] One who has passes the age of 20 and does not wish to get married, then [in previous times[31]] the Beis Din would coerce him to marry in order to fulfill the Mitzvah of having children.[32] However, in today’s times, one is no longer coerced by Beis Din to get married.[33] 

Delaying marriage past 20 due to learning Torah: If one is involved in Torah learning and toils in it, and fears to marry a woman lest he be required to toil after sustenance and thus nullify his Torah learning, then it is permitted for him to delay getting married [even past the age of 20].[34] [Some Poskim[35] rule he may delay marriage for as long as he wants, so long as getting married will force him to get a job and thus prevent him from learning. He may likewise choose to marry a woman who is infertile in order so he can dedicate his whole life for Torah learning.[36] Other Poskim[37] however rule there is a limit to this matter, and one cannot delay marriage forever.[38] Some Poskim[39] rule that this is until 24 years of age. However, according to Admur, he may delay marriage until he learns and remembers the entire oral Torah in a summarized fashion[40], if he is capable of doing so.[41] Practically, in many Litvishe Yehsivos the custom was to delay marriage until the early 30’s. However, the practice in Yeshivas Tomchei Temimim was and is to get married in the early 20’s, and so is the proper approach.[42] Chabad Rabbanim and Mashpi’im around the world have proclaimed the necessity for Bochurim to begin Shiduchim as soon as they complete their study in Yeshiva Gedola. At age 20 they are to begin their search for a wife, and only those who are truly dedicated to assiduous Torah study may delay for another one to two years.[43]]

Delaying marriage forever for the sake of learning:[44] Furthermore, one whose soul yearns to learn Torah constantly like Ben Azaiy, and he attached himself to it his entire life, and thus did not get married, he carries no sin for doing so.[45] [Some Poskim[46] rule this applies even if getting married would not trouble him from his learning, such as he is wealthy. However, Admur negates this opinion, and implies if one is able to both constantly fulfill his Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah and get married, then he must do so.[47] Some[48] Poskim rule that initially, even one who desires to learn like Ben Azaiy must get married, and it is only after the fact, if he did not marry, that he carries no sin. Furthermore, some Poskim[49] rule that a person of the such stature and nature of Ben Azaiy is not found at all today. However, from Admur[50], it is implied one may even initially anyone may choose to follow Ben Azaiy and not get married in order so he can constantly review his Torah learning and not come to forget parts of the Oral Torah and his Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah.[51] Nonetheless, even in his opinion, the Sages advised one to get married once he has completed his Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah, even if there is worry that he may come to forget.[52] If however there is no worry of forgetting the Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah, and he simply wants to delay marriage in order to continuing learning the depth and Pilpul, then it is forbidden to do so, even according to Ben Azaiy.[53]]

D. Must one divorce his wife if he has been married for 10 years without children?[54]

From the letter of the law, if a man has been married for ten years[55] and has not yet had children[56], then in certain circumstances[57] the couple must get divorced[58] and are forced to do so by the Beis Din.[59] Nevertheless, the age-old custom of several generations is not to be particular about matches, and hence we no longer force such a couple to get divorced when they do not have children [and rather the couple remains married[60]].[61] [Many Gedolei Yisrael, and G-d fearing Jews, have remained married after ten years despite not having children.]

Why may one remain married, if the marriage cannot bear children? The Rebbe related the following in a letter addressed to a couple who was childless after ten years:[62] It is written in the holy Sefarim, in particular in the Sifrei Kabalah[63], that although one must do all that is necessary to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, there are certain cases of exception in which G-d exempts one from doing so. The reason for this is because he has a different purpose in his life [that G-d has destined for him]. The Shlah Hakadosh[64] writes in the name of Rav Shlomo Alkabetz that Hashem sends certain souls into the world for a specific Tikkun, or leadership positions, which exempts them from having children. Not only do they not need to have children, and will not get punished for not having children, but even if they have children, the children will not spiritually be considered as theirs for any purpose. This is why Ben Azaiy did not have children, as his purpose was solely for Torah learning.   Raising other children:[65] One who raises and educates a child is considered as if he gave birth to them, even if one is not their biological parent. This is learned from the Torah itself, from where we see that the holy foremothers gave their husbands other wives in marriage in order to raise the children that they will bear. Accordingly, a couple who cannot have children may adopt another’s child and be considered as if they gave birth to him. [However, prior to doing so, one must be aware of all the laws involved with an adopted child such as Yichud, affectionate touch etc.] Maaseh Shehaya The Baal Shem Tov can argue on the Mishneh:[66] A Chassid once came to the Tzemach Tzedek, asking for a blessing, and the Tzemach Tzedek replied that only the Baal Shem Tov can affect such a miracle. The Tzemach tzedek related that the Baal Shem Tov was so powerful that he could argue on a Mishneh. Which Mishneh? The Mishneh which states that after ten years of marriage without children, a divorce is necessary, and in many cases the Baal Shem Tov effected that the couple have children even after ten years.    The Rebbe convinces a couple to stay married:[67] One morning in New York, in the early the 50’s or 60’s, the Rebbe took an unexpected ride with his wife the Rebbetzin. The curious Bochurim followed the Rebbe’s car to see where it would be heading. You see, in the early years the Rebbe was accustomed to walk home after Davening, and when the Bochurim saw the Rebbe get into the car with his wife they knew that something was astray. After about 20 minutes of driving, the Rebbe’s car pulled up to a driveway in front of a home in the Williamsburg neighborhood. The Rebbe and Rebbetzin left the car and entered the house. After the passing of a considerable amount of time the Rebbe and Rebbetzin exited the house and returned to Crown Heights. The curious Bochurim, knowing no limits to help quench their curiosity, knocked on the door of the house to try to receive some hint as to what transpired in the home. A middle-aged couple answered the door and asked how they can be of help. The Bochurim replied that they wanted to know as for what purpose the Rebbe visited their home. “Which Rebbe?” asked the couple. “The Lubavitcher Rebbe”, answered the Bochurim. “You mean that the couple who just visited my home was the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Rebbetzin?” asked the couple in astonishment. “Yes indeed it was,” replied the Bochurim, “and what is it that they told you?” Please come in and have a seat and we will explain. You see my wife and I are married for over ten years and we have not merited having children. We have thus seriously considered getting divorced, as is the ruling of the Shulchan Aruch. Today this respected couple came to our door, looking like a Rabbi and Rebbetzin, and persuaded us not to get divorced. The Rabbi explained that according to Halacha there is no need to get divorced today, and that even he and his wife are married for more than ten years without children, and they still remain married despite the letter of the law. The couple convinced us not to get divorced, and now I see that it was none other than the Lubavitcher Rebbe and his wife who came to visit us. All those present were left in astonishment seeing the Rebbe’s and Rebbetzin’s care for a couple they did not know, and how they troubled themselves to meet with them to help save their marriage.

2. Mitzvah of Onah-Marital relations:

One who has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, is Biblically obligated in intercourse in order so his wife conceive and he fulfill the Mitzvah of having children, independent of his personal Onah obligations that he has to his wife.[68] Thus, if a husband withholds intimacy even one time from the required frequency, he transgresses the negative command of “Onasa Lo Yigara.” Likewise, if his wife can become pregnant, he also transgresses the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, or the Rabbinical obligation of Lasheves.

Intending to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu during intimacy:[69] [When pregnancy is viable[70], in addition to intending to fulfill the Biblical command of Onah] one is to [also] intend to have intercourse to fulfill the command of his creator, that he have children who will grow up to learn Torah and fulfill Mitzvos amongst the Jewish people. [This indeed is the entire purpose of intimacy, and is its main reason of lust.[71] This intent assists in G-d blessing the wife with righteous children.[72] This intent is relevant even for the wife, even though women are technically exempt from Peru Urevu.[73] One is to tell his wife to have this intent, to draw down a holy soul with their unity.[74] This intent applies eve if one has already fulfilled his Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, as nevertheless the Rabbinical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, also known as Liareiv, to have more children, still applies.[75]] Even when one intends to do so in order so he have children, if one does so with intent that he birth sons that can serve him and inherit him, nevertheless it is not praiseworthy. Rather he should intend to have children who serve G-d.[76]

How often must one have intercourse in order to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [i.e. one boy and one girl]: From the letter of the law, one is not obligated to have relations more often than his minimum required Onah that he is obligated towards his wife, as explained in Chapter 2 Halacha 2, even if he has not yet fulfilled Peru Urevu.[77] However, practically, if one has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, then even if he is a Torah scholar he is to have intimacy as often as is necessary for his wife to get pregnant [during her ovulation period, which is usually between 12 to 16 days after the start of her period, in normal cycles of 28 days[78]].[79] [Some suggest having relations three times during the week of Mikveh, having relations every other day.[80]]

Torah scholar: Some Poskim[81] rule that the minimum Onah of once a week for a Torah scholar only applies if one has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, otherwise it is forbidden for him to forfeit the Mitzvah and he is to have intimacy more often even if he is a Torah scholar. Practically, however, we do not rule like this opinion, although suggest having intimacy during the weekdays in which she has a possibility of becoming pregnant, which is between 12 to 16 days prior to her set period.[82]

Traveling away from home:[83] If the husband has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, then he may not travel away from home in a way that will diminish the Onah time, even if he receives her permission.

Mechila of wife if did not yet fulfill Peru Urevu:[84] The ability for the wife to forgive her Onah only applies if the husband has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [i.e. one boy and one girl[85]], otherwise, he is [Biblically] obligated to have intercourse with her at every interval of his Onah obligations [even if he desires to abstain for reasons of Teshuvah and Torah learning[86], or due to becoming a Baal Keri[87]]. [Some Poskim[88] rule that this obligation due to Peru Urevu applies even when she is nursing, within 24 months of birth, as nevertheless, she could become pregnant, and hence her Mechila does not suffice. However, when she is pregnant, there is no further Onah obligation due to Peru Urevu during her pregnancy, and hence he may abstain from intimacy if his wife is Mochel.[89] Likewise, if one’s wife is past menopause, or has lost her womb r”l, and thus can no longer have children, then he may abstain from intimacy if his wife is Mochel even if he has not yet fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu.[90] Some Poskim[91] learn that this obligation applies even if the man is married to two wives, nevertheless, neither of his wives may be Mochel until he fulfills the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu.]

May a husband have intercourse with his wife against her will for the sake of fulfilling the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu? No, even when the intent of the intercourse is to impregnate his wife and fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, he may not do so against her will. Nonetheless, he is obligated to try to appease her until she acquiesces to the intimacy in order to fulfill the Mitzvah.   Is a blessing recited prior or post marital intercourse? No, as explained in Chapter 2 Halacha 1A in Q&A

3. Who does the child come from, the father or mother?

The Talmud[92] states that there are three partners in a child, Hashem, the father and the mother. The white parts of the child come from the father, while the red parts come from the mother. The white parts include the sinews, bones, and nails, brain, the white of the eye. The red part includes the skin, flesh, hair, the back part of the eye.

Sources that state that the child is mainly from sperm of male: The main body of a child is from the drop of the male.[93] He refines the child so the waste is expelled outside, and from this refinement comes the child.[94] The job of the mother is to merely develop this drop of the father and form it into limbs and a human face.[95]

Sources that state that the child is mainly from the female: The main seeding of the child, and his development, is from the drop of the mother, as from her comes the flesh of the child.[96] The function of the male drop is simply to refine the drop of the female, that the child develops from the choicest of her seed.[97] This is explained in the medical books as follows: The mother gives off the seed, and the seed of the father simply fertilizes and catalyzes it, similar to a catalyst turning milk into cheese. The seed of the father refines the seed of the mother to make it congeal and make from it a child.[98]

The soul of the child-from the father or mother: See Chapter 1 Halacha 6!

Answering the contradiction: The above compilation of sources projects a contradiction as to which parent is the one mainly responsible for the child’s existence and from whose seed is the child mainly created from. The Talmud suggests that both share in the development and existence of the body of the child, and both of their seeds are a component of the child’s body. From the other sources however it is evident that it is either the fathers seed which creates the entire child and the mothers seed is simply there to develop it, or that it is the mothers seed which creates the entire child and the fathers seed is simply there to refine it. Seemingly, one must answer as follows: The main internal parts of the body, including the body’s skeletal structure and neurological system, are developed from the father’s seed, and from this respect the seed of the mother is simply there to help develop it. However, the main external parts of the body, including the skin flesh and circulatory system, are developed from the seed of the mother and from this respect the seed of the father is simply there to help develop it. Thus both the father and mother contain a portion in the part of the body of the child which was developed from their specific seed, while the other part which was developed from the seed of their partner they helped to refine and develop. Vetzaruch Iyun, Vehashem Yair Es Eiyneiynu!   The science and biology behind an embryo’s development and conception due to fertilization: The following is the current scientific and medical understanding of how a fetus is developed as result of intercourse, or fertilization. This is universally taught in classes of biology, and much of it is scientifically proven under microscopic observation. Cells and chromosomes of the human body: The human body is made up of cells, of which each cell is made up of 46 chromosomes. In detail, each cell contains two sets of chromosome coils, with 23 chromosomes in each set. The two sets of chromosome strings in each cell are attached together like a spring, for a total of 46 chromosomes in each cell. The X and Y sets of chromosome strings-Male versus Female: There exists two types of string containing 23 chromosomes. One of them is known as the X set of chromosomes while the other is known as the Y set of chromosomes. The X set of chromosomes is known as the female chromosome while the Y is known as the male chromosome. The letters represent the shapes of the chromosome. Males have an X and Y set of 23 chromosomes in each cell, while female have a set of 23 X and X chromosomes. The chromosomes found in a reproductive cell-sperm and egg: The reproductive cells of a man and woman contain only one of the sets of 23 chromosomes, as opposed to the normal 46 chromosomes contained in a regular cell. When the 23 chromosomes of the male’s reproductive cell [i.e. sperm] unites with the 23 chromosomes of the female’s reproductive cell [i.e. the egg] it creates a whole cell and is the start of a pregnancy. Gender determination: The female reproductive cells are always an X while the male reproductive cells contain either an X set or a Y set. Some sperm cells are an X cell while others a Y cell. If an X sperm cell reaches the egg, the embryo will develop into a girl. If the Y sperm cell reaches an egg, it will develop into a boy. Interestingly, the Y sperm cell which is a male is always dominant over the X egg cell of the female. The Y sperm cell does not dominate over every aspect of the embryo or female X egg cell, but only over the gender organs. However, hair color, and many other aspects can be contributed from the female X egg cell. It is possible that a single ejaculation will have many more Y sperm cells than X sperm cells, and hence chances of having a boy are much higher. It is likewise possible to have the opposite, that a single ejaculation will have many more X sperm cells than Y sperm cells, and hence chances of having a girl are much higher. This is affected by diet, stress, and is also hereditary. [Thus, a man with many more sisters than brothers will likely have many girls.] The Y sperm cells are quicker and faster in reaching the egg than the X sperm cell, and this is one advantage that they have in affecting gender determination in which indeed there are more males than females born in the world each year. The X sperm cell however is more durable in face of stress, in contrast to the Y sperm cell which more easily dies, and thus often the gender of the child is a female and not a male despite the speed advantage of the Y sperm cell. Multiple ejaculations will increase chances of having a male, as there are now more fast Y sperm cells swimming to the egg. When a woman is aroused, her body naturally tries to assist the Y sperm cells to reach the egg versus the X sperm cells.[99] [Thus, a woman’s body naturally accelerates the male sperm cell for the sake of having a male child.] With that said, as of date, there exists no scientific way of guaranteeing gender selection other than IVF.   Words of Chazal which correspond to the above science: Chazal teach us that boys relate more to the mother. They state that if a woman gives seed first then she has a male child.[100] Likewise, Chazal state that the sons are similar to the mother’s brothers.[101] One can suggest that when Chazal stated that Isha Mazria Techila Yoledes Zachar it means that when she is aroused she sends off her Chesed aspects which “select” the Y sperm cell to enter the egg. Now, although the Y is dominant in the male gender organ formation, the woman’s X sperm cell contributes many of the other aspects, and hence in essence a boy’s body and nature is more the result of the women’s X chromosome than the Y chromosome which is only there for gender selection. However, if the man is Mazria Techila, then the woman’s body is not yet aroused enough to fight for the Y sperm cell, and hence it is more possible that the child will be a female, as the Y sperm of a man is only more popular and stronger at specific times. Now, when the X sperm cell reaches the egg, it is dominant over the woman’s X egg cell and hence the child is more derived from the father sperm.

4. Family planning-Contraceptives and Birth Control:[102]

It is beyond the scope of this Sefer to delve into the subject of family planning and the use of birth control, and IYH a full treatise on the subject will feature in a future volume. The use of a contraception touches upon several possible prohibitions, including 1) Zera Levatala, 2) Transgressing Peru Urevu or Liareiv, 3) Prohibition of castration. This is dependent on the type of contraceptive being used, the number of children one already has, the medical and mental state of the mother, and the reason for why a contraceptive is desired. Aside for this possible letter of the law Halachic impediment, there are also Hashkafic reasons to abstain from using a contraceptive even when there is room to be lenient according to Halacha, as is well known that the Rebbe[103] and other Gedolei Yisrael urged couples to have large families and avoid family planning. Practically, the general approach today amongst G-d fearing Rabbanim is to only permit the use of a contraceptive if there is a real and legitimate physical and/or mental health reason applicable for doing so, or if it may affect the nursing of a newborn child. Every couple who is contemplating using a contraceptive is to bring up the matter to a qualified Rav, explain to him the reasons for why a contraceptive is being considered, and if deemed valid, to then ask his Halachic direction as to which type of contraceptive may be used and is recommended to be used, in the case of their predicament.  

Q&A May a couple avoid intercourse during her days of ovulation in order so she does not become pregnant?[104] If he has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [i.e. one boy and one girl] then it is forbidden to do so, and he must try to have relations specifically during the days of ovulation so she can conceive. However, if he has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, then if there is a justifiable reason such if the pregnancy is difficult for her or she has much difficulty raising her children, then it is permitted to abstain from intimacy during her ovulation period and perform Onah during the other days in which she cannot become pregnant. It is however forbidden to abstain from intimacy during her ovulation period without a justifiable reason, as even after fulfilling the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu one remains obligated in the Mitzvah of Sheves. Practically, a competent Rav is to be contacted in all cases.

5. Bathing after intercourse:

See Chapter 7 Halacha 9J!

6. Fertility treatments:[105]

It is beyond the scope of this Sefer to delve into the subject of fertility treatments and IYH a full treatise on the subject will feature in a future volume. Fertility treatment may touch upon several Halachic issues, including 1) Zera Levatala, 2) Eishes Ish; 3) Mamzeirus, 4) Yichus; 5) Medical risks. This is dependent on the type of treatment being used, some of which do not touch upon any Halachic issues [i.e. pills to help with ovulation], and on the contrary are considered a Mitzvah to do, and others which touch upon the above Halachic issues. Aside for the Halachic issues involved, there may also be Hashkafic reasons to abstain from fertility treatment or certain types of them, even when there is room to be lenient according to Halacha. It is well known that the Rebbe in his time was not forthcoming with directing couples to have certain types of fertility treatments. Practically, every couple who is contemplating fertility treatment is to bring up the matter to a qualified Rav for guidance. There are a number of organizations, under the auspices of Gedolei Yisrael and Gedolei Haposkim [i.e. Machon Puah], who help couples with fertility treatment, both in Halachic and medical guidance, as well as in financial support, to which a Rav can refer couples to. To note however, that not all treatments offered under these organizations have the consent of all Poskim, as well as some treatments are only permitted after a certain amount of time has passed without the couple meriting to have children, and hence the couple is to speak with their Rav for direction as to which treatments are an option for them to do.  

7. Segula for having children:[106]

There are several Segulos recorded in Chazal and Sefarim for the bearing of children. The following are some of the Segulos that are recorded:

1. One of desires children is to do the will of G-d and the will of his wife. He is to do the will of G-d by dispersing charity and do the will of his wife by rejoicing with her during the intercourse.[107]
2. Saying the Psalm of Mizmor Ledavid Hashem Roiy [Tehilim 23] prior to marital relations is a Segula for having children.[108]
3. Being careful to guard all the detailed laws of Taharas Hamishpacha.[109]
4. Checking the Tefillin and Mezuzos.[110]
5. To learn Toras Hachassidus, and not pass three days without learning it.[111]
6. To spread the teachings of Chassidus.[112]
7. To live in Israel.[113]
8. To check if during Shidduchim the husband or wife offended someone.[114]

8. Having male children-Methods and Segulos:[115]

There are several Segulos recorded in Chazal and Sefarim for the bearing of male children. The following are some of the Segulos that are recorded:

1. One who sanctifies himself during intercourse will have male children, as the verse states Vehiskadashtem Vihayisem Kedoshim, and then states in the next Parsha “Isha Ki Sazria.”[116]
2. One who desires male children is to do the will of G-d and the will of his wife. He is to do the will of G-d by dispersing charity and do the will of his wife by rejoicing with her during the intercourse.[117]
3. Placing the bed from North to South [is a Segula] for having male children.[118]
4. One who remains a long time on his wife’s stomach [during penetration[119]] in order so she gives seed first, merits to have male children, as if the wife gives seed first a male child is born.[120]
5. Having intercourse twice in a row [in close approximation[121]], merits having male children.[122]
6. Having intercourse with one’s wife if she beautifies herself for her husband, and tries to appease him for the sake of getting his attention and affection [of intimacy], merits one to have male children who are wise and righteous.[123]
7. Giving charity prior to intimacy is a Segula for having male children.[124]
8. Fulfilling the Mitzvah of Ahavas Yisrael Behiddur.[125]
9. Giving charity daily, prior to Davening.[126]
10. Hachanasas Orchim with a good and happy heart.[127]

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[1] Michaber E.H. 1:1; Yevamos 63b

[2] Michaber ibid; Yevamos 63b-64a

[3] Michaber 1:13; Rambam Ishus 15:16; Mishneh Yevamos 65b; Ran Kiddushin chapter 2; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 1:4

[4] See Ran Kiddushin chapter 2 that she receives a Mitzvah for helping the husband achieve his Mitzvah

[5] M”A O.C. 153:9; Beis Shmuel 1:2; Tosafus Bava Basra 13; Brought and negated in Aruch Hashulchan ibid; See Yabia Omer 3:20-33

[6] Michaber 1:5; Beis Hillel in Mishneh Yevamos 61b

Other opinions: Some hold that in order to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu one must father two sons. [Beis Shamaiy ibid]

[7] See Rama 1:6 that the Mitzvah is fulfilled even with a Katan

[8] Beis Shmuel 1:10

[9] Michaber 1:5; Braisa Yevamos ibid

[10] An Aylanis comes from the term Ayal, which means a male ram. A woman who has the nature of a male, and thus does not grow breasts , and her voice is thick like a male, and her vaginal area does not protrude like other woman, is considered an Aylanis. [Pirush ibid]

[11] Chelkas Mechokeik 1:6; Beis Shmuel 1:8

Other opinions: Some Poskim question whether the father fulfills his obligation if the son and daughter do not have children, such as they did not get married or married a spouse who cannot have children. [Bnei Ahuva 15:1; Pischeiy Teshuvah 1:8]

[12] Michaber 1:6; Rambam Ishus 15:5

[13] Pischeiy Teshuvah 1:8 based on Chelkas Mechokeik 1:6 and Beis Shmuel 1:8 who rule it is not necessary for them to have children to validate the father’s Mitzvah.

[14] Implication of Michaber ibid and Rambam ibid; Beis Shmuel 1:9; Tur Y.D. 392; Semag Asei 49; Semak 284; Perisha 1:17; Bach 1:5

[15] Tosafus Yevamos 62b, brought in Beis Shmuel ibid and Chelkas Mechokeik 1:7

[16] Our Girsa in Tur 1, brought in Beis Shmuel ibid; Shiltei Giborim Yevamos 19b; Chelkas Mechokeik 1:7

[17] Beis Shmuel 1:10; Taz 1:8; However, see Chelkas Mechokeik 1:7 who is in doubt in this matter

[18] Rama 1:6

[19] See Sefer Chassidim 500; Beis Shmuel 1:11

[20] Michaber 1:7; Rambam Ishus

[21] Chelkas Mechokeik 1:8 in name of Maharil 223; See Beis Shmuel 1:12

[22] See Mishneh Limelech Ishus 15:4; Pischeiy Teshuvah 1:9

[23] Chelkas Mechokeik 1:8; Taz 1:8

[24] Beis Shmuel 1:10 based on Bach Y.D. 195

[25] See Michaber E.H. 1:8; Beis Shmuel 1:1 and 14-15; Taz E.H. 1:1; Rambam Ishus 15:16; Yevamos 62b; See Likkutei Sichos 30:264 for a dispute if the Mitzvah is due to Liareiv or is a Rabbinical command of Peru Urevu and that according to the Rambam ibid there exists a Rabbinical obligation of Peru Urevu, and that one fulfills the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu by every additional child.

[26] Michaber E.H. 1:3

[27] Michaber ibid; Rambam Ishus 15:2; Kiddushin 29b “Until twenty years Hashem waits for a man to marry. When he reaches age 20 and is still not married, Hashem says let his bones swell.”

The reason: As it takes up to five years to learn the [entire Talmud], and in previous times they would learn with the children five years of Mishneh from age 10 and 5 years of Talmud, which are the Mitzvos with their reasons in a summarized fashion, [and hence by age 20 they completed their Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah]. Hence, since there is no longer a need to delay marriage past 20 years old due to Torah learning, therefore one who went past age 20 without getting married transgressed the Biblical positive command of Peru Urevu. [Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1] Alternatively, as once one turns 20 years old he is liable for Heavenly punishment. [Aruch Hashulchan 1:11]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may delay marriage until 22 years of age. [See Shaiy Lamoreh 1 that the Peri Chadash got married at 22, and this is based on opinion of Rava in Kiddushin ibid]

[28] Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1; Rambam Ishus 15:2

[29] Aruch Hashulchan 1:11

[30] Maharikash, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 1:5

[31] Rama ibid

[32] Michaber ibid; Tur in name of Rosh

[33] Rama ibid

[34] Michaber Y.D. 246:2; E.H. 1:3; Kiddushin ibid “Learn Torah and then get married”; Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1

The reason: If one gets married prior to learning Torah, he will be under financial burden to support his wife and children, and will thus be unable to study Torah as much. Now, although the one must stop learning in order to fulfill a positive command, this only refers to a positive command that can be fulfilled momentarily, as one can shortly afterwards resume his Torah learning. However, if one were to get married, then he would be unable to continue learning at all, as he must now sustain his family. [Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1]

[35] Beis Shmuel 1:5 in implication of Rambam; Rav Akiva Eiger 1 in name of Maharam Mintz 42

[36] Chochmas Shlomo based on Beis Shmuel ibid

[37] Rosh Kiddushin 1:42, brought in Tur E.H. 1 and Beis Shmuel ibid; Levush 1; Rashal Kiddushin; Aruch Hashulchan 1:13; See Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1 who learns in Rashi and the Rambam that the limitation is five years for Mishneha nd five years for Talmud

[38] The reason: As this allowance was only given to Ben Azaiy. [Rosh ibid] The Beis Shmuel ibid explains that the novelty of Ben Azaiy is that even if getting married would not disturb him from his learning, such as if he is wealthy, he is still not required to get married.

[39] Rashal Kiddushin; Aruch Hashulchan 1:13; Sefer Hamitzvos of Chofetz Chaim “Until 25 years of age”

[40] This includes all of the Jewish laws, all the 613 commands together with all their details, Biblical and Rabbinical, and their summarized reasons. [Admur Hilchos Talmud Achron 3:1] This includes even knowledge of those sections of laws that are not applicable or not practical for all people, such as Kodshim, Zeraim, Nashim and Nezikin. However, one may not delay marriage simply for achieving greater depth of understanding and Pilpul in Torah. [Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1]

[41] Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1; See Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1 that one cannot delay marriage forever simply to further his in depth understanding of the Torah, as this is a study that has no end, and in any event one will never reach the final depth of his research.

[42] Igros Kodesh 10:202; 14:30 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:95]

[43] See the letter included which was signed by Rabbinical leaders, Mashpim and Roshei Yeshiva’s from various Chabad communities.

[44] Michaber 1:4; Rambam Ishus 15:3; Ben Azaiy in Yevamos 63b; See Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1 that even the Chachamim agree with Ben Azaiy, and hence the Rambam and Michaber rule that one has the option of doing like him; See Aruch Hashulchan 1:14 that the Rif omitted this ruling and in truth did get married, and possibly it was literally Sakanas Nefashos for Ben Azaiy to stop learning Torah, and therefore he could not get married.

[45] The reason: As one has a constant Mitzvah of Yedias Hatorah, and if he gets married and has no time to review, he will come to forget his Torah learning. Thus, one can choose to not get married in order so he review his Torah learning his entire life and not come to forget any aspect of it. This is why Ben Azaiy did not marry, as he feared he would forget his Torah learning. Now, although we rule that one must stop his Torah learning in order to fulfill a passing Mitzvah, this is only in a case that one can then return to his Torah learning, however if the Torah learning of Yedias Hatorah will be pushed off forever, then one is not required to stop to perform the Mitzvah. [Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1]

[46] Beis Shmuel 1:5

[47] Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1

[48] Taz 1:6

[49] Aruch Hashulchan 1:14

[50] Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1

[51] The reason: See previous footnotes for reason in Admur

[52] See lengthy explanation in Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1 and how Admur learns this in the Rosh

[53] Implication of Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1 and Kuntrus Achron 3:1

The reason: One cannot delay marriage forever simply to further his in depth understanding of the Torah, as this is a study that has no end, and in any event one will never reach the final depth of his research. [Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 3:1]

[54] Michaber and Rama E.H. 154:10; Rama E.H. 1:3; Mishneh and Gemara Yevamos 64a

[55] From when are the years counted? The following times is not included as part of the ten years: Business trips; illness of husband or wife; imprisoned. [Michaber 154:11; Braisa Yevamos ibid] After a miscarriage the ten years restart. [Michaber 154:12] Some Rishonim rule that the ten years are only counted in Eretz Yisrael, and hence childless couples in the Diaspora are never required to get divorced. [Hagahos Maimanis Ishus 15:4 in name of Ravayah; Tosafus; Sefer Hateruma and Raavan; Semag Assei 49; See Bigdei Kehuna 1, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:27] However, most Rishonim and Poskim do not differentiate between the Diaspora and Eretz Yisrael, and the ten-year count requires divorce no matter where one lives. [Implication of Rambam; Rif; Michaber ibid; See Aruch Hashulchan 154:24-25 for many proofs that it applies even in the Diaspora, and that all the Poskim agree to this] Nonetheless, if one moves from the Diaspora to Eretz Yisrael then the ten years restart. [Rashba in name of Raavad, brought in Aruch Hashulchan 154:25 and that so is the Halacha] Likewise, if one lives in Eretz Yisrael and travelled to the Diapsora, then his stay in the Diapsora does not count. [Poskim ibid]

[56] If they had children but did not fulfill Peru Urevu: Some Poskim rule that they must get divorced even if they had a child, or had children, but have not yet fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [i.e. boy and girl]. [Implication of Michaber ibid as understood from Rama’s gloss; Rashba; Nimukei Yosef; See Aruch Hashulchan 154:23] Other Poskim, however, rule that this only applies if no children have been born. If, however, they had a child, then although they did not fulfill the Miktzvah of Peru Urevu, they do not need to divorce. [Rama 154:10; Rambam Ishus 15; Rivash 15:1] Some Poskim, however, limit this leniency only to a case that the wife can still have children, otherwise he must divorce her. [Beis Shmuel 154:24] Other Poskim, however, are lenient in all cases, and so is the custom. [Meil Tzedaka 33, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:26]

Miscarriages: Although a miscarriage restarts the ten-year count, if a woman had three consecutive miscarriages, then they are to get divorced [in even less than  ten years]. [Michaber 154:12]

If he had children from a previous marriage: If the husband has children [boy and girl] from a previous marriage, then he may remain married to his wife even after ten childless years. [See Michaber 154:17]

[57] Cases of exception: If the man knows that he cannot have children, then there is no need for him to get divorce, as in any event he cannot fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. [Rama 154:10] Some Poskim rule that if the couple desires to remain married and the Kesuba settlement is very expensive or the wife helps support his Torah learning, then they are not required to get divorced. [Bigdei Kehuna 1, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:27]

Does this law apply in the Diaspora? See previous footnotes!

[58] Marrying a second wife: Alternatively, rather than get divorced, one can marry a second wife who can have children [and live with both wives]. [Michaber ibid] This option is not viable for Ashkenazi Jewry due to the Cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom unless the wife refuses to get divorced, in which case he may marry a second wife based on Heter Meiah Rabbanim. [see Noda Beyehuda Tinyana 102; Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:25; Aruch Hashulchan 1:25] However, it is viable for Sefaradi Jewry, and so has been done in numerous cases through the Israeli Rabbinate. [See Yabia Omer E.H. 7:2] See letter in Likkutei Sichos 15:480, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:59, written to a Sefaradi man asking if he can marry a second wife being that they have not had children in ten years “You need to receive a ruling from the Sefaradi Rabbanim to allow you to take a second wife. I, as an Ashkenazi, cannot write you such an allowance. However, according to Sefaradi custom, as you write, it is easier to receive an allowance. Nonetheless, you must try to appease your wife by a) explaining to her that not everyone’s purpose in this world is to have children, and b) By raising other children, such as his new wife’s children, Hashem considers it as if she is raising him; c) You should write a Sefer Torah in the merit of your wife.” 

[59] Michaber and Rama ibid; Mishneh and Gemara Yevamos 64a that must divorce; Rav Tachlifa in Kesubos 77a that Beis Din forces him to divorce

The reason: As a man is obligated to perform the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, and the Sages estimated that if a woman did not have children in ten years, most like she never will. [Aruch Hashulchan 154:23]

[60] Although the implied ruling of Rama/Rivash is simply that we do not force a divorce, although ideally they should get divorced [see Bigdei Kehuna 1, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:27], nonetheless, the custom is not to get divorced.

[61] Rama 1:3; 154:10; Rivash 15; Hagahos Maimanis Ishus 15:4 in name of Ravayah [Aviasaf] “We no longer force to divorce even in the Israel as the Talmud states that after the destruction it would have been proper to decree not to have children and hence at the very least we do not force a divorce upon such a couple.”  

[62] Likkutei Sichos 15:480, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:59

[63] See Zohar Vayeishev 188b; Shaar Hagilgulim Hakdama 3; Shlah Hakadosh in next footnote

[64] Shlah Hakadosh p. 381 [Parshas Ki Seitzei gloss from Rav Shlomo Alkabetz]

[65] See Likkutei Sichos 15:480, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:59; Bigdei Kehuna 1, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:27, in end of Teshuvah

[66] Sefer Hatzetzaim p. 123 as heard from Chassidim

[67] Heard from Rav S.Z. Labkowski, R.Y. of central T.T. Yeshiva N.Y, who was one of the Bochurim involved

[68] See Michaber E.H. 1:1; 76:6; Beis Shmuel E.H. 1:1; Halacha 6A in length

[69] Michaber O.C. 240:1; 231; E.H. 25:2; Tur 240 in name of Raavad that this is the greatest of the intents; Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Sanhedrin 7:4; Mikdash Melech on Zohar Vayikra 43a; Siddur Kol Yaakov Arizal p. 112; Sefer Habris 1:17-2

[70] Taharas Yisrael 240:19

[71] Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Sanhedrin 7:4 that so is proven form the fact that as soon as one ejaculates his lust ceases

[72] Menoras Hamaor Ner Hashelishi 6:5 2:178

[73] See Ran Kiddushin chapter 2 that she receives a Mitzvah for helping the husband achieve his Mitzvah

[74] Reishis Chochma 16:25

[75] See Michaber E.H. 1:8; Beis Shmuel 1:1 and 14-15; Taz E.H. 1:1; Rambam Ishus 15:16; Yevamos 62b; See Likkutei Sichos 30:264 for distinction between Liareiv versus Rabbinical Peru Urevu and that according to the Rambam ibid there exists a Rabbinical obligation of Peru Urevu, and that one fulfills the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu by every additional child.

[76] Mivhaber 231

[77] Simple implication of Michaber E.H. 56:6 and all Poskim; See Nitei Gavriel Bein Hametzarim 2:93 footnote 9; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Imrei Yaakov E.H. 1 Biurim p. 3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[78] Encyclopedia Hilchatit Refuit 4:752; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:7 footnote 9

[79] See Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 25:2; Derech Pikudecha Asei 1 and Lo Sasei 46 Chelek Hadibbur 9; Shulchan Shlomo 240:1 [requires every day]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 23

[80] Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:7 footnote 9

[81] Derech Pikudecha Asei 1; Shulchan Shlomo 240:1

[82] Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 23; 280:3; See also Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[83] Beis Shmuel 76:7

[84] Michaber ibid; Beis Shmuel E.H. 1:1; Rambam Ishus 15; P”M 240 A”A; Beir Heiytiv E.H. 1:1;  Igros Moshe ibid; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:14; 3:1

Other opinions-The Mitzvah of Liareiv: Even after one has fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu he nevertheless remains Rabbinically obligated in the Mitzvah of Liareiv, to have even more children. [See Michaber E.H. 1:8; Beis Shmuel 1:1 and 14-15; Rambam Ishus 15:16; Yevamos 62b] Nonetheless, from the above Poskim it is evident that one is permitted to abstain from the minimum Onah frequencies if his wife is Mochel, even if it means that he will nullify this Rabbinical command. [See Beis Shmuel 1:1 that so is implied from Poskim ibid] Some Poskim, however, question this ruling and suggest that Mechila should not help even after the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu is fulfilled as he nevertheless is still required to fulfill the Mitzvah of Liareiv. [Beis Shmuel ibid] Other Poskim conclude that indeed so long as one does not have another wife from which he can have children from, then he remains obligated to have intercourse with his wife during the Onah frequencies even if she is Mochel, in order to fulfil the Rabbinical Mitzvah of Liareiv. [Taz E.H. 1:1; Suggestion in Beis Shmuel ibid; Maggid Mishneh on Rambam ibid; Nimukei Hagriv on Rambam ibid; See Likkutei Sichos 30:264 footnote 31] Practically, we rule that from the perspective of the Mitzvah of Liareiv, it only obligates the husband to have intimacy on occasion, and hence once the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu is fulfilled, the Mechila of the wife helps to permit skipping the minimum Onah frequencies, however not to skip indefinitely as explained in the next paragraph in this Halacha!. [Birkeiy Yosef E.H. 1:2; Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 1:1] See

[85] Michaber E.H. 1:5; See other opinions in previous footnote

[86] Machaneh Chaim 1:18 based on Noda Beyehuda Kama 35; Maharsham 8:240

[87] See Minchas Yitzchak 3:15; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:9

[88] Hagahos Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 76:6; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 3:2 footnote 2 for possible implication from M”A 240 in name of Arizal that the Mitzvah does not apply when she is nursing, although certainly the Mitzvah would apply once she stops nursing, even though she is within 24 months.

[89] Az Nidbaru 6:107; Minchas Yitzchak 3:15-2; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 3:3

[90] Sheyikadesh Atzmo 3:3

[91] Taz E.H. 1:1

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that when one is married to two wives, the Mechila of one wife is valid even if he has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. [Birkeiy Yosef E.H. 1 and Beis Moshe]

[92] Niddah 31a

[93] Torah Or Bereishis p. 8 “From the father comes one drop which includes the son’s entire body”; Parshas Toldos p. 34; Torah Or Shemos p. 107, 108

[94] Torah Or Parshas Toldos p. 34

[95] Torah Or Bereishis p. 8, 11; Shemos p. 108; Terumah 159

[96] Torah Or Shemos 1^st Mamar p. 9; Likkutei Torah Chukas p. 126 that so is written in Sifrei Refua; Shir Hashirim p. 9

[97] Torah Or Shemos 1^st Mamar p. 9; Likkutei Torah Chukas p. 126; Shir Hashirim p. 9

[98] Likkutei Torah Chukas p. 126; Shir Hashirim p. 9

[99] Basal Body temperature of the female also plays a role.  A woman’s temperature will drop just before ovulation.  “If a couple plans to have a boy, the best time for copulation is within the fertile window so that the Y chromosome can reach the egg before the X chromosome. On the contrary, in a baby girl can be made by having intercourse one to two days prior to a woman’s fertile window that would allow the X chromosome to reach the egg first.”

[100] Brachos 60a; Niddah 31a; Midrash Raba Tazria 14

[101] Bava Basra 108; Bava Kama 110a; See Menoras Hamaro Ner Gimel Kelal Vav 2:3

[102] See Michaber E.H. 5:11-12; 23:5; Rambam Issurei Biyah 16:10; Chelkas Mechokek 5:6; Beis Shmuel 5:14; Taz 5:7; Radbaz 1596 [prohibition of using Moch unless there is Sakana]; Chasam Sofer 20, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 5:11; Pischeiy teshuvah 23:2; Igros Moshe E.H. 21 [IUD] 22 [Heter for mental health reasons]; 24 [Using pills if weak]; E.H. 4:62 [regarding C-section]; Minchas Yitachak 26;  Nishmas Avraham E.H. pp. 131-143 for full overview of opinions in Poskim; Encyclopedia Hilchatit Refuit [Shteinberg] volume 4 Erech Menias Hirayon pp.724-820 [full overview in both Halacha and medicine]; Shulchan Menachem 6:2 [p. 8-17]; Article by Rav Herschel Shachter, RY of YU “Halachic aspects of Family Planning,” printed in journal of Halacha and contemporary society; Taharas Yisrael 240:37-40;

[103] See Sichas Yud Shevat 5730; 6^th Tishreiy 5741; 24^th Teves 5741; Rosh Chodesh Shevat 5741; Beshalacha 10^th Shevat 5741; 15^th Shevat 5741; 23^rd Iyar 5742; 20^th Av 5742; Erev Rosh Hashanah 5742; Bamidbar 25^th Iyar 5743; 6^th Tishreiy 5744; 13^th Tishreiy 5744; 11^th Nissan 5744; 27^th Elul 5744; 6^th Tishreiy 5745; 16^th Adar 5747; Friday Sukkos 5748; 11^th Shevat 5749; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmanson-2015] p.  114-116

[104] Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[105] See Encyclopedia Refuit Hilchatit [Shteinberg] Vol. 2 pp. 545-593 regarding IUI; pp. 817-925 regarding IVF and surrogate motherhood; Vol. 6 pp. 337-393; Sefer Ratz Katzevi the volume on fertility treatment in great length; Tzitz Eliezer 13:97 regarding IVF with other man’s sperm; Surogate motherhood; Sefer Asia 12:227-235 for and article of Rav Avraham Baruch Pezner and Rav Yosef Simcha Ginzberg on the directives of the Rebbe on the subject of IUI and IVF; See Getting Closer pp. 87-94 for counseling ideas for couples suffering from infertility

[106] See Sefer Segulas Avraham Erech Banim and Akara for a compilation of tens of Segulos from various Sefarim

[107] Miseches Kallah, brought in Tur 240; Bava Basra 10b

[108] Siddur Admur; Peri Eitz Chaim Shaar Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita 11; Or Tzadikim 27:20; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:23; Kaf Hachaim 240:65

[109] Likkutei Sichos 12:178

[110] Likkutei Sichos 12:178

[111] Igros Kodesh 5:185; 14:340

[112] Igros Kodesh 5:185; 14:340

[113] Likkutei Sichos 22:299

[114] Igros Kodesh 18:32

[115] See Menoras Hamaro Ner Gimel Kelal Vav 2:3; Sh’lah Hakadosh Shaar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 415; Sefer Segulas Avraham Erech Banim for a compilation of tens of Segulos from various Sefarim

[116] Shavuos 18b; Yalkut Shimoni 547; Reishis Chochma 16:2; Ramban in Igeres Hakodesh 6 “When you act in the ways that I have instructed you, a am your guarantor that you will have children who are Tzadikim, Chassidim, and sanctify the name of heaven”; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:22

[117] Bava Basra 10b; Miseches Kallah, brought in Tur 240

[118] Rebbe Chama Bar Rebbe Chanina in Brachos 5a in the name of Rebbe Yitzchak; Levush 240:17; Olas Tamid 3:6] This is based on the verse “And in the North their stomach will be filled and they will be satisfied with male offspring.” [Psalms 17:14; brought in Brachos ibid] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 235; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 28:1; See however Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 3 who interprets this statement to be not literal, as certainly the position of the bed does not effect male childbirth and rather it refers to other aspects

[119] See wording in Niddah ibid and ibid “waiting in her stomach” and Rashi Niddah ibid who implies that the entire discussion of the Gemara is while has already penetrated her; However, see wording in Tur 240 in name of Raavad “waiting on her stomach” and Chidushei Chasam Sofer on Niddah ibid who implies that the “Mazria Techila/[climax?]” is taking place prior to penetration. Vetzaruch Iyun. See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 48 footnote 1; See Torah Lishma 504 and Ben Yehoyada Niddah 13a and Rav Poalim 1 Sod Yeshatim 9 from whom it is clear that he did not learn this Gemara to be referring to before the intercourse, as he ideally negates even causing vaginal wetness beforehand, and certainly actual orgasm.

[120] Niddah 31b and 71a, brought in M”A 240:21; Brachos 60a; Midrash Raba Tazria 14; Taz E.H. 25:1; Tur 240:8 and E.H. 25:3; Sh’lah Hakadosh Shaar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 415; Sefer Gematriyos Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid Likkutim 8; Aruch Laner Niddah 71a; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmanson-2015] p.  481; See Torah Or Toldos p. 34

[121] Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 76:1 “Right away”; Implication of Rishonim in next footnote [See reason in next footnote that the entire reason for this is because the wife is still]

[122] Tur O.C. 240:4 and E.H. 25:8; Bach 240:4; Elya Raba 240:10; Atzei Arazim 25:1; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kasef Chulya Gimel 7:3; Niddah 31b; Eiruvin 100b; Sh’lah Hakadosh Shaar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 416; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmanson-2015] p.  551

The reason: As in such a case she is already aroused from the first intercourse and will give seed first and since her seed will precede his seed, therefore a male will be born. [Rashi Eiruvin and Niddah ibid; Rabbeinu Yehonason on Rifibid]

[123] M”A 240:14; Tur 240:4; Chesed Lealafim 240:2; Kitzur SHU”A 150:8; Eiruvin and Nedarim ibid “More righteous even than the generation of Moshe”; Eiruvin ibid “Children who are sages, as occurred from the union with Leah when she went to entice Yaakov and had Yissachar”; See also Bava Basra 10b and Rabbeinu Gershom there regarding having male children when he rejoices her outside of her Onah; See Meiri Eiruvin 100b that this only applies if she intends to do so for the sake of a Mitzvah, such as having children, as was the intent of Leah;

[124] Sefer Zechira

[125] Igros Kodesh 7:51

[126] Igros Kodesh 7:51

[127] Igros Kodesh 19:333

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