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2. The Minimum required frequency – The husband’s minimum Onah obligations:[1]

A. The general law:[2]

As explained in Halacha 1A, the Biblical obligation of a husband to provide his wife with marital intimacy contains a minimum frequency based on the husband’s occupation. This Halacha will delineate the minimum frequencies in which each husband is obligated, dependent on his occupation. It is forbidden for a man to withhold intimacy from his wife, according to the set frequency of Onah that he is required to provide. If he withholds intimacy even one time from the required frequency, he transgresses the negative commandment of “Onasa Lo Yigara.” Additionally, if his wife can become pregnant, he also transgresses the Biblical Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, or the Rabbinical obligation of Lasheves. See Halacha 1A for the full details of this matter!

Special occasions which are in addition to the minimum frequency: This Halacha deals specifically with the minimum frequency of intercourse that is required of the husband on a regular basis. Besides these frequencies, there are special occasions in which the husband is required to have intimacy/intercourse with his wife in addition[3] to his regular minimum frequency, as will be explained in Halacha 3—See there!

One who has fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu versus one who has not: The minimum frequencies recorded throughout this Halacha apply whether or not one has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. Even if he has already fulfilled this Mitzvah, he remains obligated in the minimum frequency, and even if he has not yet fulfilled this Mitzvah, he is not obligated to have intercourse more often than the minimum frequency.[4] [However, see Q&A for practical directive regarding one who has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah.]

The required and recommended frequency today:[5] Below [Halachas B-D] we have stated that the minimum required frequency of intercourse is dependent on one’s occupation, and if he is a Torah scholar. Practically, the recommended frequency today [for one who is healthy and capable[6]] is for one to have intercourse twice a week, as is required of in-town workers who are not Torah scholars. This applies even if one is a Torah scholar [or an out of town worker[7]].[8] [This, however, is with exception to other obligatory times, such as the night of Mikveh, the night before travel, and other times as explained in the next Halacha, which are required to be fulfilled even if one already fulfilled his minimum frequency of twice a week.[9] Some Chasan teachers suggest that in the first year of marriage one is to have intercourse at a greater frequency, approximately 3-4 times each week.[10] See Halacha 8 for the full details of this matter.]   The recommended frequency for one who has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu [i.e. having one boy and one girl]: If one has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, then even if he is a Torah scholar, he is to have intimacy as often as is necessary for his wife to get pregnant [during her ovulation period, which is usually between 12 to 16 days after the start of her period, in normal cycles of 28 days[11]].[12] [Some suggest having relations three times during the week of Mikveh and then having relations every other day.[13]] Nonetheless, from the letter of the law one is not obligated to have relations more often than his minimum required Onah, even if he has not yet fulfilled Peru Urevu.[14]   Q&A May one skip his Mitzvah of Onah in order not to become a Ba’al Keri if no men Mikva’os are available? No.[15] If a Mikveh is not available, then he is to shower in cold water for 2-3 minutes, pouring on his head and body Nine Kavim of water. If this too is not available, then one may not delay the intimacy unless his wife is Mochel with a full heart, or he has already fulfilled his minimum requirement of Onah for that week.   If one skipped a required Onah session, is he required to make it up the following week?[16] Ø  Example 1: A Torah scholar who has intimacy only on Friday nights, and fell asleep Friday night and was unable to do so, must he make it up that week in addition to his next Friday night Oneh? Ø  Example 2: If one has intimacy twice a week, during one weekday and on Friday night, and he fell asleep Friday night and was unable to do so, must he make it up that week in addition to the Onahs of that week?  If one skipped a set Onah session [without a Halachically justifiable reason[17]], some Poskim[18] rule that he is obligated to make up the missed date in addition[19] to his current Onah obligations. Other Poskim,[20] however, rule that he is not required to make it up in addition to his current Onah obligations. Practically, one is to be stringent in this matter unless his wife is Mochel [i.e. forgives it from being made up].[21] When to make up if missed Friday night:[22] One who missed his Onah of Friday night is to preferably make it up on Motzei Shabbos. [If, however, a dark room is available during the day, then he is to make it up Shabbos day in a dark room, unless his wife is Mochel.[23]] If one will be unable to have intimacy during his week of Onah, can he make it up the week before?[24] Ø  Example 1: A Torah scholar who has intimacy only on Friday nights, and knows that this coming Friday night he will be unable to do so, may he make it up that week? Yes. One who foresees that he may miss a future Onah is to make it up before the Onah arrives. How does one calculate the Onah? One who has an Onah of twice a week, as most people do today (as explained above), is to have intercourse twice every seven days, starting from after her Mikveh night. So, if for example she went to Mikveh on Thursday night, then between every Friday night to Friday night of her pure days [not including the second Friday night] he is to have intercourse on any two nights of his choosing, but preferably choosing Friday night as one of the nights, as will be explained in Halacha 5.

B. Tayalim – Unemployed or retired husband – Every night:[25]

Husbands who [are pampered and healthy,[26] have no stress,[27] and] do not work or have a form of occupation [due to having a steady source of income or savings which they live off of, and thus do not work even from home,[28] and do not spend their days in intense Torah learning[29]], are obligated to have relations daily [if they are healthy and capable,^[30] and the wife is interested in the intimacy[31]]. [This applies even if the husband is a Ben Torah.[32] However, if he is a Torah scholar, and spends his days in intense Torah learning, then he is exempt from nightly intercourse, as stated above.[33] Likewise, some Poskim[34] suggest that one may avoid a daily Onah if he does not desire to be a Ba’al Keri and be required to immerse daily. Furthermore, some Poskim[35] suggest that with today’s hardships of living, the concept of a Tayal who is obligated in daily Onahs no longer exists. Practically, although we rule that one who does not have any hardships remains obligated in daily Onah even today, as stated above, nevertheless, some Poskim[36] conclude that he is to try to soothe his wife in other ways and get her to forgive the need for a daily Onah.]

Q&A If the husband is defined as a Tayal, must he have intercourse daily even if his wife is not interested? No, as stated above and in Halacha 6A, the Onah obligation only applies if she is interested and not Mochel! If the husband is defined as a Tayal, and is interested in intercourse daily, must his wife comply even if she is not interested? As stated above and in Halacha 6A, the Onah obligation on the husband only applies if she is interested and not Mochel, and thus, certainly if she is not interested in daily intercourse, then the husband is not obligated to do so. However, this does not mean that the wife becomes exempt from complying to his wishes, as also the wife has an obligation to comply with her husband’s wishes for intercourse, at the very least in the intervals of Onah required by the Torah,[37] and the only time such a couple is truly exempt from the daily Onah is if they both consent to the abstinence.   Is a regular Yungerlite in Kollel considered like a Tayal and obligated in daily Onah?[38] This depends on his intensity of learning and whether he works other jobs. If he is in Kolel for the first year and is living off his parents, savings, wife’s income, Kolel stipend etc., which do not require him to worry about Parnasa, then if he is not an avid learner and learns Torah casually, then it is possible that he is obligated in Onah nightly, unless his wife is Mochel, or he is unhealthy. However, if he learns intensively in Kolel, and certainly if he also learns at night, then he is exempt just like a Torah scholar, as stated above. If one is a stay at home dad, is he obligated in daily Onah? A father who is in charge of the children, and housekeeping, is seemingly not considered a Tayal at all, as childcare and home cleaning both involve much work and effort. During vacation, is the husband obligated in daily Onah like a Tayal?[39] This depends on the type of vacation and the activities that the husband is performing. If the vacation involves childcare, long hikes and strenuous walking, then seemingly the husband remains exempt. Likewise, if the husband is still doing work and business from his vacation area, then he is exempt. However, if the husband is free of any life and work-related hardships during the vacation, then one can argue that he temporarily receives the status of a Tayal, and is hence obligated in daily intimacy, unless they both consent to skip a night. On the other hand, one can argue that we always follow one’s general status,[40] and hence taking a vacation, which itself is meant to rejuvenate from life’s hard work, cannot suddenly obligate him in the daily Onah of a Tayal. Practically, if both the husband and wife consent to it, they may engage in daily Onah during vacation.

C. Employed husbands – 1-2 times a week:[41]

Works outside the city: Husbands who are employed and work outside of the city each day, but return home at night, are obligated to have relations with their wife once a week [possibly even if he does not return home every night of the week[42]].[43] Some Poskim,[44] however, rule that if the husband does not return home to sleep every night of the week, then his Onah obligation is once every eight days [and not once a week]. [Perhaps, however, in today’s times that one transports to his work outside the city via car or public transportation, then he receives the same status as one who works inside the city, as there is not much added physical exertion which he must do for travel.[45]]

Works inside the city:[46] If the husband works inside the city [and hence sleeps at home each night], then he is obligated to have relations with his wife twice a week [if he is healthy and capable^[47]].

 

D. Talmid Chacham/Torah Scholars:[48]

*For the general greatness of intimacy on Friday night-see Halacha 5!

Once a week on Friday evenings:[49] A Torah scholar [who is healthy,[50] and is not troubled by immoral thoughts[51]] is obligated to have marital relations with his wife only once a week, on Friday nights.^[52] [Furthermore, according to Kabbalah, it is forbidden for him to have intercourse during the weekdays, and doing so draws down reincarnated souls and the souls [that are captured in the web] of the Sitra Achra, while on Shabbos it draws down the souls of holiness.[53] This, however, is with exception to the night of Yom Tov and Rosh Chodesh, and the night of Mikveh, and other obligatory nights, as will be explained below. This is hinted to in the words “Vesham’ru Bnei Yisrael Es HaShabbos” which are an acronym for the word Biyah.[54] This alludes to the fact that one is to guard their relations for Shabbos, and not engage in it during the week.[55] This is also hinted to in the verse “Ko Amar Hashem Lasarisim Yishmiru Es Shabsosaiy.”[56] This is also hinted at in the words “Beini Ubein Bnei Yisrael Os Hi” which are an acronym for the word Biyah.[57] However, some Poskim[58] rule that this only applies if one has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, otherwise it is forbidden for him to forfeit the Mitzvah and he is to have intimacy more often even if he is a Torah scholar. Practically, however, we do not rule like this opinion; although, suggest having intimacy during the weekdays in which she has a possibility of becoming pregnant, which is between 12 to 16 days after the start of her set period.[59]]

Yom Tov and Rosh Chodesh:^[60] Even according to Kabbalah, it is permitted for a Torah scholar to have intercourse on the night of Yom Tov, [including the nights of Chol Hamoed[61]], and Rosh Chodesh, even during the weekdays. [This does not mean that he is obligated to do so, but rather that simply he may choose this day to perform Onah.[62]] This is with exception to those nights of Yom Tov that intercourse is avoided, as explained in Chapter 4 Halacha 1.

Mikveh night and other special occasions:^[63] Even according to Kabbalah, it is necessary for a Torah scholar to have intercourse on the night of Mikveh, even during the weeknights.[64] [The same applies by all other special occasions in which intimacy is obligatory, such as if his wife desires his attention, or he is traveling away from town, as explained in Halacha 3, that even the Torah scholar is obligated to have intimacy on these weeknights.[65] In such cases, the night contains the same spiritual quality as Friday night.[66] In such cases, it does not exempt him from having relations on Friday night and is simply an addition to his obligation of intimacy on Friday night.[67]]

Non-Torah scholar being stringent like Torah scholar:[68] One who is not a Torah scholar may not decide to follow the Onah of a Torah scholar and have intimacy only once a week, unless he receives the consent of his wife, in which case he is blessed. [However, one who was not a Torah scholar upon getting married, and eventually became a Torah scholar, is permitted to adapt the frequency of a Torah scholar to only have intimacy once a week on Friday nights, even if his wife protests that she never agreed to such conditions initially when they got married.[69]]

The status of today’s Torah scholars:[70] Today, we no longer have Torah scholars in the literal Halachic sense referred to in the Talmud. Nevertheless, the Poskim[71] rule that the minimum frequency of a real Talmid Chacham of Talmudic times, applies even towards the Torah scholars of today, and hence they are only required to have intimacy once a week.[72] The definition of a Torah scholar in this regard is anyone whose main occupation is Torah learning [and is considered a Torah scholar in the eyes of the populace[73]].[74] However, one whose main occupation is not Torah study, may not consider himself a Torah scholar in this matter.[75] Practically, however, the Poskim[76] conclude that in today’s times even a Talmid Chacham is suggested [and perhaps even obligated[77]] to have intimacy twice a week [if he is healthy and capable^[78]].[79] [This certainly applies in today’s generation which contains many challenges in the field of immorality.[80]]

One who is troubled by erotic thoughts: The above delaying until Friday night only applies if the Torah scholar can keep a holy mind throughout the week to delay until Shabbos. However, if one is troubled by erotic thoughts, he is not to be stringent in this, and is thus to have relations even during the week.[81] This especially applies if his wife is pregnant or nursing, as explained next.[82]

Intimacy during weeknights if wife is pregnant or nursing:[83] If one’s wife is already pregnant, or cannot conceive at the time such as due to nursing, then some Poskim[84] rule that there is no need to delay relations until Friday night, and it is permitted in such a case, even for a Torah scholar, to have relations during the weeknights.[85] Other Poskim,[86] however, are stringent and rule that a Torah scholar should never have relations during the weeknights, even if his wife is already pregnant or nursing.[87] Practically, one may be lenient in a time of need.[88]

Q&A May a Torah scholar abstain from intimacy on Friday night if he does not desire to become a Ba’al Keri and be required to immerse in a Mikveh?[89] No. Even if one belongs to Lithuanian Jewry and is generally accustomed to avoid immersion in a Mikveh on Shabbos, he may immerse on Shabbos morning if he is a Ba’al Keri due to fulfilling Mitzvas Onah. So was done by Gedolei Yisrael.[90] If a Mikveh is not available, then he is to shower in cold water for 2-3 minutes, pouring on his head and body Nine Kavim of water. If this too is not available, then one may not delay the intimacy unless his wife is Mochel with a full heart, or he has already fulfilled his minimum requirement of Onah for that week.   May a Torah scholar abstain from intimacy on Friday night in order to stay up learning Torah, or join a Farbrengen, or other matters? Although some Poskim[91] rule that it is permitted to do so, and so is the custom of some Chassidim to initially set the Onah for Motzei Shabbos for the above reason, nevertheless, practically, he is not to do so, and is to fulfill his Onah on Friday night.[92]   If a Torah scholar sees that he is unable to have intercourse on Friday night, must he do so during one of the previous weeknights?[93] Yes, as the main obligation is for him to have intimacy once a week, and not specifically on Friday night. May a Torah scholar who has established his set Onah as Friday night, choose to switch it for a weeknight if he feels a need to do so?[94] Yes, he may switch it for a night prior to that Friday night, as stated in the previous Q&A. If, however, it is already Friday night, then he may not nullify it unless his wife is Mochel, as this is his last opportunity to fulfill his minimum Onah of that week.

If one missed his obligatory time of Onah on Friday night must he make it up during Shabbos day?[95] If a dark room is available, then he is required to make it up during the day unless his wife is Mochel to delay it until Motzei Shabbos, or if she would rather fulfill it on Motzei Shabbos than on Shabbos day. In the event that the wife is Mochel to not perform it on Shabbos day, then it is to be performed on Motzei Shabbos. See Chapter 3 Halacha 1 in Q&A for the full details of this subject!

The sin of Adam Harishon in not waiting until Friday night:[96] If Adam Harishon, who was created on Friday, would have delayed intimacy with Chavah, his wife, until Shabbos night, then all worlds would have been fixed. However, instead, he chose to be intimate during that day which was a weekday, and he had Kayin as a son who came out mixed with good and evil.

 

E. During pregnancy and nursing:[97]

The above minimum obligation of Onah [i.e. twice a week] applies even when one’s wife is pregnant or nursing.[98] [Nonetheless, if the husband is not interested, and his wife is not particular and forgives him, then it is permitted for him to skip the times of Onah. However, if she does not forgive him, then he must fulfill it.[99] Likewise, those times of intimacy which are auspicious to bringing new souls into the world, may not be skipped even if his wife forgives him.[100]]

The first trimester:[101] During the first three months [90 days] of pregnancy, [possibly all,[102] and certainly excessive[103]] intercourse is difficult for both wife and child.[104] [During this time, the wife commonly experiences bouts of nausea, cramps, morning sickness, exhaustion, and other ailments which can affect her interest in intimacy. Likewise, some say that intercourse during this time can lead to miscarriage.[105] Thus, the husband is to try to balance his requests for intimacy during this time in accordance with his wife’s physical capability, and his actual needs.[106] Nevertheless, in general, the nature of people from the times of the Talmud versus today has changed, and hence, the above Talmudic health warning may no longer be applicable today neither to wife nor baby.[107] Indeed, according to modern medicine today, some doctors claim, and so is the accepted position of medicine information websites, that there is no known health risk, or extra risk of miscarriage, to have intimacy during a regular pregnancy [not high risk], including the first three months.[108] However, other doctors say that indeed a health risk, and danger of miscarriage, does exist and that therefore the couple is to diminish in intercourse during the first trimester, and try to have it only once a week, or halve their normal frequency.[109] An article in the British Journal of General Practice[110] gives an overview of the different medical opinions,[111] and in conclusion it can be said that not enough study or data exists either way to give a conclusive directive on the question of whether intercourse during the first trimester can raise the risks of miscarriage. In a case of doubt, the couple should discuss the matter with a doctor who can advise on their personal situation.[112] Whatever the case, the couple should not diminish from the minimum Onah obligations unless they both agree to do so, or there is evident medical reason for it, such as a high risk pregnancy.[113]]

The 2^nd-3^rd trimester:[114] Intercourse in the last six months of pregnancy is beneficial for the child, and helps him come out further developed and enhances his. [It helps the child be strong and beautiful.[115] However, in the second trimester, the Talmud states that intercourse is [medically[116]] difficult for the wife even though it is beneficial for the child.[117] In the third trimester, the Talmud states that it is [medically] beneficial for both wife and child.[118] Regarding the current medical perspective, there is no clear medical position regarding the second trimester, although regarding the third trimester there is agreement that it is beneficial.[119] However, some write that since intercourse during this time can bring on early labor, therefore a woman who suffers from early births is advised not to have intercourse in the last months.[120] Practically, the couple is to consult with their doctor for their personal situation.[121]]

Day 90 of pregnancy: It is forbidden to have intercourse on day 90 of the pregnancy, due to danger to the fetus as it can cause miscarriage. Nonetheless, in today’s times, one is not required to be stringent in this matter, and Shomer Pesa’im Hashem. [However, according to Kabbalah, this stringency applies even today. Accordingly, some Poskim conclude that it is proper to be stringent, even today, to avoid intercourse on the 90^th day from her last Mikveh night, during pregnancy.] See Chapter 4 Halacha 8 for the full details of this subject!

Saying Lamnatzei’ach: See Chapter 7 Halacha 4D!

Loss of interest during pregnancy: Loss of interest by the wife: See in the above Halacha regarding the loss of interest during the first trimester, and the same may apply during the third trimester. Every woman and situation is different. Thus, the husband is to try to balance his requests for intimacy during this time in accordance with his wife’s physical capability and his actual needs. Nonetheless, the wife cannot refuse the husband’s need for intimacy during this time, and a balanced and agreeable approach is to be followed. Loss of interest by the husband: Occasionally, it is specifically the husband who loses interest for intimacy while his wife is pregnant. This may be due to a variety of reasons, but whatever the case, he remains Biblically obligated in his minimum Onah obligations towards her, irrelevant of his disinterest, as explained in Halacha 1A. See there for the full details of this matter! High-risk pregnancies:[122] Certain high-risk pregnancies, especially if they require bedrest, carry doctors’ orders for the couple to avoid intimacy for a prolonged period throughout the pregnancy. It is advised for one to seek council with a Frum gynecologist and Rav in the event that such orders have been given, and see if there are any ways that intimacy can continue during this period.   Mikveh after birth:[123] The general medical advice is for a wife to delay going to Mikveh from between four to six weeks after birth. Intimacy prior to this time period, which allows the body to heal, can cause extra and unnecessary tearing and bleeding of her birthing wounds. Nonetheless, some[124] suggest waiting longer intervals, such as 9 or 10 weeks, or even 12 weeks, from the birth, in accordance with her strength and stamina. All in all, while the wife should discuss the matter with her husband, and hear his perspective before making any decisions, she is not obligated to immerse in the Mikveh and rebegin marital intimacy until she feels physically capable of doing so.[125] However, there is no need at all to wait 40 days after the birth of a boy and 80 days after the birth of a girl, so long as she has stopped bleeding and is physically ready.[126] Regarding the custom of some to abstain from Mikveh/relations within 40/80 days after birth, see Chapter 4 Halacha 9. Going to Mikveh even if intercourse cannot take place, such as after birth: Some Poskim[127] rule that a woman may go to Mikveh at night in order so that the couple can engage in hugging and kissing, even if intercourse will not take place that night, such as due to a medical concern, so long as there is no worry of it leading to Zera Levatala. Other Poskim,[128] however, rule that she may not immerse in such a case, due to worry of it leading to Zera Levatala. Practically, one is not to be lenient if the husband is prone to have Zera Levatala due to this. Postpartum-Loss of interest after pregnancy:[129] It is common after pregnancy for women to have disinterest in intimacy. This is due to a variety of factors, including vaginal pain, motherhood stress and fatigue, including sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, postpartum depression, inability to reach climax. Therapy, and gynecological consultation can help guide the couple in relieving these issues.

F. After menopause, or extraction of womb:[130]

A woman who cannot conceive, such as a woman who is after menopause, or who does not have a womb, is nonetheless granted the regular Onah rights as any other woman, and it follows the same laws as a woman during pregnancy or nursing.

Every marital intimacy creates new souls:[131] Every marital union between a husband and wife which takes place in a form of holiness creates a Jewish soul. This soul may enter the body of another child who is born, such as a convert, if that woman does not become pregnant with the soul which they created. It is for this reason that marital unity is permitted between a husband and wife even during times that she cannot conceive, such as during pregnancy, or after menopause, and is not under the prohibition of Zera Levatala. Accordingly, the Zohar explains that although Sarah was physically barren, she merited to have many spiritual children. If, however, the intimacy is not one of a definite Mitzvah, such as one is not doing so for the Mitzvah of Onah but for pure lust, then no souls are born of this union and it is as if that seed has gone to waste.[132] See Chapter 1 Halacha 5 for the full details of this subject!

G. Diminishing Onah – Traveling away from one’s wife:[133]

A wife has the legal right to deny her husband from traveling for business purposes to a distanced area, in order so that he does not diminish her Onah rights. He is thus not to travel far in a way that will diminish her Onah rights, unless he receives her permission. He may, however, travel to a place nearby, in a way that will not cause him to diminish her Onah rights. [If the husband has yet to fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, then he may not travel away from home in a way that will diminish the Onah time, even if he receives her permission.[134] Nonetheless, every husband is allowed a single week travel away from home even without his wife’s permission.[135]]

Not to be away from home too long, even with permission:[136] Even with the permission of his wife, one is not to remain away from home for too long, and is rather to alternate each month, staying one month away and one month at home.[137] [This applies even if his wife gives him permission to travel for longer, and he already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu.[138] This, however, only applies if the wife gave him permission begrudgingly and only after being appeased. If, however, the wife gave him permission willingly, without needing to be appeased, then he may travel for an even longer period.[139]]

Traveling to learn Torah: It is permitted for a Torah scholar to leave home (to Yeshiva), without permission from his wife, for a period of 2-3 years [although not longer than this amount[140]].[141] If his wife gives him permission, then he may travel for however long his wife agrees to.[142] [However, some Poskim[143] rule that, practically, one is not to travel for more than 2-3 years even if his wife consents, and is not to travel for 2-3 years without her consent, unless he is on the caliber of Toraso Umnaso.]

The obligation to be intimate with one’s wife the night prior and post travel: See Halacha 3C!

H. Diminishing Onah – Taking up a new occupation that diminishes Onah frequency obligation:[144]

A wife has the legal right to deny her husband from accepting an occupation which diminishes her Onah rights, such as a donkey rider [which has an Onah of once a week] who decided to become a camel rider [which has an Onah of once every 30 days], or a camel rider who decided to become a sailor [which has an Onah of once every six months]. [However, one who did not have any specific occupation upon marriage, may take up any occupation that he chooses, even without her consent.[145] Likewise, one who works inside the city and has Onah twice a week, may decide to work outside the city and have the Onah diminished to once a week.[146] However, one who was pampered and unemployed, and thus his Onah obligation was each night, may not take upon himself an occupation which diminishes her Onah rights, without her consent.[147]]

Becoming a Torah scholar:[148] Even a pampered unemployed man [whose Onah is daily] may choose to become a Torah scholar [and diminish the Oneh of his wife to once a week] and she cannot protest him. [However, some Poskim[149] rule that he may not travel away from her, without her consent. Practically, we already ruled earlier in D that today even a Torah scholar is to have intimacy twice a week.]

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[1] See Taharas Yisrael 240:2-19; Sheyikadesh Atzmo chapter 1; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3-4

[2] Michaber E.H. 76:11; Admur 280:2

[3] Implication of Michaber 240:1; M”A 240:1; Beir Heiytiv 240:4 regarding night of Mikveh; P”M 240 A”A 4; Ma’amar Mordechai 240:1; M”B 240:8; Kaf Hachaim 240:20; Ashel Avraham Butch’chach Tinyana 240:2; Tahras Yisrael 2 240:1-12; Meiy Hada’as Inyanim Shonim 12 p. 55; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnote 1

[4] Simple implication of Michaber E.H. 56:6 and all Poskim; See Nitei Gavriel Bein Hameitzarim 2:93 footnote 9; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Imrei Yaakov E.H. 1 Biurim p. 3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[5] Me’il Tzedaka 51, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 76:3, “Although all Torah learners can make their frequency once a week like Torah scholars… nevertheless because of the promiscuity of the generation, and jealousy amongst women, I am accustomed to advise all my congregants to fulfill the frequency of an in-town worker which is twice a week.”; Chochmas Adam 128:19 in name of Tzava’s Rav Yehuda of Prague; Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham”’; Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28 “Regarding which you write the novelty of the Achronim that even a Talmid Chacham today is to do it twice a week, and that so have ruled the Geonim of today, this is also my opinion that it is advised and even obligated to do twice a week”; See Shulchan Menachem 6:243; See Chosein Yeshuos 2:124 in name of the Rebbe Rashab according to oral tradition that it is a custom to have intimacy twice a week, and perhaps three times; Shita Mekubetzes Kesubos 65b in name of Re’ah that today majority of the world is like an in-city worker who is to do twice a week; Sefer Mitzvas Habayis 2:109; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnotes 2-3

[6] Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham,” as explained in M”B 240:3

[7] See Halacha 2 C and Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnote 2

[8] Me’il Tzedaka and Biur Halacha ibid that this applies even if one is a Torah scholar and is allowed to only do so once a week; However, see Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3 in name of Kedusha Utzenius 16:23, who concludes that even today a Torah scholar is to strive to follow the initial law and only have intercourse once a week on Friday nights, as it is very praised according to the Zohar, and was done by the Tzadikim and Chassidim of previous generations

[9] Implication of Michaber 240:1; M”A 240:1; Beir Heiytiv 240:4 regarding night of Mikveh; P”M 240 A”A 4; Ma’amar Mordechai 240:1; M”B 240:8; Kaf Hachaim 240:20; Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 240:2; Tahras Yisrael 2 240:1-12; Meiy Hada’as Inyanim Shonim 12 p. 55; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnote 1

[10] Seemingly, this is due to three reasons: 1) So she become pregnant and fulfill the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. 2) As in the first year she has a greater desire for intimacy, and hence it falls under the law of “Mikashetes Atzma” explained in Halacha 3A. 3) Prevent Zera Levtala from the new Chasan who is just getting used to this aspect of life and may contain extra hormones and passion. However, if the husband and wife are satisfied with twice a week, and is already pregnant, then there is no need to follow this suggestion.

[11] Encyclopedia Hilchatit Refu’it 4:752; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:7 footnote 9

[12] See Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 25:2; Derech Pikudecha Asei 1 and Lo Sa’asei 46 Chelek Hadibbur 9; Shulchan Shlomo 240:1 [requires every day]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 23

[13] Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:7 footnote 9

[14] Simple implication of Michaber E.H. 56:6 and all Poskim; See Nitei Gavriel Bein Hametzarim 2:93 footnote 9; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Imrei Yaakov E.H. 1 Biurim p. 3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[15] M”A 240:1; Arizal in Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar Kerias Shema She’al Hamita 11; Siddur Arizal Kol Yaakov p. 112b; Beir Heiytiv 240:1; Chayeh Adam 139:7 and Kaf Hachaim 581:89 regarding night of Mikveh on Rosh Hashanah that he should have intercourse even if he cannot immerse the next day; Ashel Avraham Butchach 88; Me’orer Yisheinim 240:16; Levushei Mordechai 4:41; Cheshev Ha’eifod 2:51; Kinyan Torah 1:33; Minchas Yitzchak 3:15; Betzel Hachochma 5:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 88 footnote 17 and 240:9; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 63:17; S See Maharam Brisk 3:35 and Peri Hasadeh 4:2, brought in Sheyikadesh Atzmo 63:18, that one may push it off even if it is Mikveh night in such a case if all the following conditions are fulfilled: a) His wife is completely Mochel, b) He has already fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, or his wife cannot get pregnant, c) He is not bothered by Hirhurim, d) He is always Makpid on Tevilas Ezra

[16] See Kaf Hachaim 240:12; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:15

[17] Such as he fell asleep [Torah L’shma 67] However, if he has a Halachically justifiable reason, such as he was sick, then he does not need to do Tashlumin. [Kuntrus Aliba Dehilchasa 40 p. 31; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid] Vetzaruch Iyun from the wording of the Poskim “Oness” [See Haflah Kesubos 62a] which can also imply that even if he has a Halachically justifiable reason he still must make it up. See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 29 that nevertheless if he has a valid Halachic excuse, such as the Onah fell on the night of a Veses, then he is exempt from making it up. However, from the Ashel Avraham Butchach 240 it is implied that he must make it up even in a case of a valid exemption. Vetzaruch Iyun.

[18] Elya Raba 240:3 “It is possible that he must make it up”; Haflah Kesubos 62b and 63a; Ma’amar Mordechai 240:1; Torah L’shma 67 and 69; Bnei Tziyon 240:1; Hagahos Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 76:1; Implication of Ashel Avraham Butchach 240 that the night of Mikveh is Tashlumin For the weeks of impurity; Taharas Yisrael 2:240-9; Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102; 3:28; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:15

[19] See Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28 that the dispute is only applicable in a case that the next Onah has already arrived [i.e. a Torah Scholar missed Shabbos and that entire week and it is now the next Shabbos], if however it has yet to arrive [i.e. within the week of the Shabbos that was missed] then all agree that he is obligated. 

[20] Olas Tamid 240:1; Machazik Bracha 240:7; P”M 240 A”A 5 in name of Elya Raba that these Poskim have left this matter in question

[21] Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid being that it is a Safek Torah; However, see Chida in Chaim She’ol 2:38, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid, who concludes that it depends on the circumstances

[22] Torah L’shma 69; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4

[23] Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[24] Me’il Tzedaka 43; Ashel Avraham Butchach 240:1; Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:16

[25] Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:1; Tur 240:1 and E.H. 25:2; Kitzur SHU”A 150:7; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:10

[26] M”A 240:1 based on Rambam; Beir Hagoleh E.H. ibid

Paying taxes: Some Poskim include in the definition of such a person that he does not pay taxes. [Tur, brought in Chelkas Mechokeik 76:1; See Beis Shmuel 76:1] Other Poskim, however, omit this detail. [Rambam, brought in Chelkas Mechokeik ibid; See Beis Shmuel 76:1; Beir Heiytiv 76:2]

[27] Chelkas Mechokeik 76:1

[28] See Ezer Mikodesh 76:1 that even doing business by mouth is considered work in this regard; However, see Kitzur SHU”A 150:7 “That their Parnasa is B’revach”

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that Milamdei Tinokos are considered like Tayalim being that they don’t work at night. [Pischeiy Olam 240:4] Practcially, we do not rule this way. [Ya’avetz in Mur Uketzia 240]

[29] See Chelkas Mechokeik ibid “He does not have the yoke of Torah”; Beis Shmuel 76:1 “He is not a Torah scholar”; Elya Raba 240:2 in explanation of M”A in coming footnotes; Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 240:2; Tzemach Tzedek Kesubos 5:6; Me’il Tzedaka 51; Da’as Torah of Maharsham 240:1; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 16; See coming footnotes regarding exemption of Torah scholars

[30] See Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham,” as explained in M”B 240:3; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3

[31] See Halacha 6A for the full details of this matter!

[32] M”A 240:1; M”B 240:4; See Elya Raba ibid that this does not refer to Torah scholars, meaning that they learn Torah casually as what we call today a Ben Torah, which are people who are affiliated with the Torah community, go to Shiurim, but are not necessarily Torah scholars in their own right; So also interprets the P”M 240 A”A 1; See Machazik Bracha 240:3

[33] Beis Shmuel E.H. 76:1; Beir Heiytiv 76:2; Implication of Chelkas Mechokeik 76:1; Elya Raba 240:2 that so applies even according to M”A; Me’il Tzedaka 51; P”M ibid; M”B 240:4; Kaf Hachaim 240:8; Pischeiy Olam 240:4; See Machazik Bracha 240:3 and 4; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 16

The reason: A Torah scholar is exempt from having intercourse nightly, as the Torah study weakens him. [Poskim ibid]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a Torah scholar is not exempt from having nightly intercourse if he is defined as pampered and does not have an occupation. [Possible implication of M”A ibid, and so understands in M”A the Mur Uketzia 240, Machazik Bracha 240:3; Yeshuos Yaakov, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 76:2] Other Poskim differentiate and rule that students who are Torah scholars are exempt, while teachers are obligated if they are Tayalim. [Machazik Bracha ibid in possible understanding of M”A ibid and that so also rules Talmidei Rabbeinu Yona, brought in Shita Mekubetzes, in explanation of the Gemara which writes that Shmuel Bar Shilat was a Tayal even though he was also a Torah scholar; See Pesach Hadevir 240:2 who negates this explanation]

[34] See Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28 that one may avoid doing it every day in order not to become a Ba’al Keri; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3 footnote 19

[35] Me’il Tzedakah 51, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 154:27 and Da’as Torah of Maharsham 240:1

[36] Tur 240: 5 and E.H. 25:8 in name of Ra’avad that Semol Doche and Yemin Mikareves was said regarding the Tayalim, that they should try to get their wives to allow them to diminish from the daily Onah, omitted in Shulchan Aruch; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1 footnote 16

[37] See Shut Maharit 1:5, brought in Beir Heiytiv E.H. 77:7, “If she claims to provide him intimacy according to the frequency of Onah recorded in the Torah, then she is not considered a Moredes, as she is not a captive of war that she must provide him intimacy at every moment”

[38] See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1 footnote 16

[39] See Sefer Hadricheini Bama’asecha p. 441; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1 footnote 16

[40] Indeed, the Poskim do not mention this concept that a temporary change of occupation can change the Onah frequency

[41] Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:2; Tur 240:1 and E.H. 25:2; Mishneh Kesubos 61b as explained by Rebbe Yossi Bar Chanina; See Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair in Kitzur Halachos who questions why Chazal did not differentiate between the various types of labor, and between a weak or strong person; See Kuzari 3:6; Me’il Tzedaka, brought in Biur Halacha 240 “Talmid Chacham”; Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 76:3; Kitzur SHU”A 150:7; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3

Donkey drivers: Donkey drivers are obligated in relations once a week [Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:2], if they return home each night. [Beis Shmuel 76:3] See Semak Mitzvah 285 who writes that he did not go into detail into these occupations and their laws as they are no longer common today.

Camel drivers: Camel drivers [who bring packages on camels from a distance-M”B 240:5] are obligated in relations once every 30 days. [Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:2]

Sailors: Sailors are obligated in relations once every six months. [Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:2]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one who works outside [the home] on a steady basis, his Onah is once every seven days. While if he does not work outside the home on a steady basis, then his Onah is once every eight days. [Beis Shmuel 76:2 in name of Ran]

[42] Implication of Michaber E.H. ibid as brought in M”A 240:2 and P”M 240 A”A 2

[43] Michaber ibid and ibid

[44] Rama E.H. ibid; Tur and Tosafos in name of Riy Bar Baruch; Implication of Setimas Hamichaber in O.C. ibid, as explained in M”A 240:2 and P”M 240 A”A 2

[45] See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1 footnote 2

[46] Michaber ibid and ibid

[47] See Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham,” as explained in M”B 240:3

[48] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4; 280:3

[49] Michaber O.C. 240:1; 280:1; E.H. 76:2 “Torah scholars are obligated in Onah once a week, and it is their practice to do so on Friday nights”; Admur 280:1 “The set Onah of the healthy Torah Scholars, which is one time a week, was set to be done from Friday evening to Friday evening, as was explained in chapter 240”; Tur 240:1; Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 3; Ran Kesubos 26a; Rambam Ishus 14:1; Hilchos Dei’os 5:4; Kesubos 62b; Zohar 1:14; 2:89; 2:136; 2:204; 3:78; See Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 1:2; 4:2-4; Kitzur SHU”A 150:7

Milameid: A Milameid has the same status as a regular worker [twice a week] [Machazik Bracha 240:4; Mur Uketiza 240:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:9] However, see Pischeiy Olam 240:4 that they are like Tayalim

Torah scholar who works on Torah novelties: Some Poskim learn that the above minimum requirement of once a week only refers to Torah scholars who do not novelize Torah in their learning, however, those who do work on Torah novelties do not have any set time of Onah, and it is all dependent on the amount of work they need to do in their learning. [Ran Kesubos 495, brought in Beis Shmuel 76:4; Chelkas Mechokeik 76:3; See Tzitz Eliezer 7:23] Practically, we do not rule like this opinion, and a Torah scholar is obligated once a week, on Shabbos, as stated. [Machazik Bracha 280:4; Kaf Hachaim 280:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 280:4]

If he missed Friday night: Some Poskim rule that if a Torah scholar was unable to perform Onah on Friday night he is not required to make it up during the week, and is rather to fulfill it the next Shabbos. [Olas Tamid 240:1; Machazik Bracha 240:7] Other Poskim, however, rule that possibly he is required to make it up during the week. [Elya Raba 240:3; Mamar Mordechai 240:1] See Kaf Hachaim 240:12 and Halacha A in Q&A for the full details of this subject!

[50] Admur 280:1; Michaber 280:1; Tur E.H. 76 in name of Rameh; Olas Tamid 240:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:11

[51] Shulchan Menachem 6:55

[52] The reason: As during the weekday he is obligated to learn Torah day and night, as Torasan Umnasan. [M”A 240:3; M”B 240:5] Alternatively, the reason is because their Torah learning causes them to be weak and hence they are only obligated once a week. [Rambam Ishus 14:1; Me’il Tzedaka 51; See Admur 616:11; Sanhedrin 26b; Rashi Kesubos 50a] According to this latter reason, the reason that Friday night is chosen is due to Oneg Shabbos [Admur 280:1; Levush 240:1 and in E.H. 76] as well as due to its auspiciousness according to Kabbalah, as explained in Halacha 4A. The following reasons are mentioned in the Zohar ibid: 1) It is a time that the bodies and spirits are aroused. 2) The children born of such intimacy are holy. However, this second aspect mainly applies to Torah scholars who know the secrets of the Torah. 3) Likewise, according to Kabbalah the meaning of the verse “Do not reveal your daughter in-law” refers to the Shechina, of which we are instructed to only reveal on Friday night. This however only applies to Torah scholars.

Is the obligation specifically on Friday night or technically anytime once a week? See Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102 that according to Halacha the obligation is once a week on any night that he chooses, although it is common for the Torah scholar to designate Friday night for this purpose due to the special occasion of Friday night. So is also explicit in Rambam ibid

[53] Sha’ar Hamitzvos Bereishis; Sha’ar Hakavanos p. 3; Peri Eitz Chaim 16:11; 18:18; Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 1:2 and 4:3 that during the week the souls come from Sitra Achra, while on Shabbos it comes from Kedusha, as Hashem only made Zivug in the upper worlds on Shabbos and not during the week; Ben Ish Chai Vayeira 1:2; Kaf Hachaim 240:2

Arizal–New souls come on Shabbos–reincarnated souls during the week: Rav Chaim Vital writes: Shabbos is an auspicious time for the Onah of Torah scholars. The mystery behind it is that new souls only come into the world on Shabbos, while during the week reincarnated souls are born. It is certain that if one’s wife conceives on Shabbos then the child will receive a new soul and be a pious Jew. [Peri Eitz Chaim 16:11; Kaf Hachaim 240:10]

[54] Rosh Bava Kama 7:19; Binyamin Zev 245; K’neses Hagedola on Tur 240; Elya Raba 240:2; Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar 18:18; Beir Heiytiv 76:4; Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 1:2; Kaf Hachaim 240:10; 280:2

[55] Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 1:2; Kaf Hachaim 280:2

[56] Levush 240:1 and in E.H. 76; Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 1:1; Zohar 2:89

[57] Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 1:2 in name of Nagid UMitzvah

[58] Derech Pikudecha Asei 1; Shulchan Shlomo 240:1

[59] Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 23; 280:3; See also Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[60] M”A 240:3; Sha’ar Hamitzvos Bereishis; Sha’ar Hakavanos p. 3; Peri Eitz Chaim 16:11; 18:18; Beri Heiytiv 240:3; M”B 240:7; Kaf Hachaim 240:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4 footnote 39

[61] Bnei Yissachar Ma’amarei Nissan Ma’amar 11:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[62] Implication of Admur 128:57 and M”A 128:70 who writes that many Kohanim would not have intimacy on any night of Yom Tov; Sha’ar Hatziyon 240:3; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Vetzaruch Iyun if by a Torah scholar it may be chosen in place of Friday night, or in addition to Friday night. Perhaps this matter is left to the choice of the person and he may choose to do it instead of Friday night or in addition to.

Other opinions: Some Poskim learn that it is an actual obligation to have intimacy on these nights. [Taharas Yisrael 240 B’ir Yitzchak 23 in name of Sha’ar Hakavanos Pesach Derush 3 regarding Yom Tov and Chasam Sofer Parshas Kedoshim regarding Rosh Chodesh] See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 40

[63] See Sha’ar Hamitzvos Bereishis; Sha’ar Hakavanos p. 3; Peri Eitz Chaim 16:1118:18; Ben Ish Chaiy Vayira 2:23; Kaf Hachaim 240:2; Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4

[64] See Ashel Avraham Butchach 240 that perhaps the night of Mikveh is a Tashlumin for the previous days of Niddah when he could not fulfill Onah

[65] Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[66] Ben Ish Chaiy ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid in name of Sefer Kedusha 9 that so is evident from the Zohar that Mikveh night has the same status as Shabbos night

[67] Ashel Avraham ibid regarding night of Mikveh, brought in Orchos Chaim Spinka 240:2; He furthermore adds, perhaps one can argue that even if the night of Mikveh occurs on Friday night he is obligated to make up the Onah of Friday night during one of the coming weeknights.

[68] M”A 240:3; Sefer Hakaneh; P”M 240 A”A 3; M”B 240:5; Kaf Hachaim 240:11

[69] Chasam Sofer Y.D. 149; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 27

[70] See Me’il Tzedaka 51, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 76:3; P”M 240 A”A 1; M”B 240:6 and Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham”

[71] Me’il Tzedaka ibid “Although we don’t have the status of a Torah scholar today regarding other matters, nevertheless, in my opinion all Torah learners today may choose to follow the Onah of a Talmid Chacham” and that this applies even according to the M”A 240:3; Suggestion in  P”M 240 A”A 1 after initial inquiry; Conclusion of M”B 240:6 and Biur Halacha ibid

[72] The reason: As one who is a Torah scholar even of today’s definition desires not to be overly engaged with the Yetzer Hara, as well as the fact that his wife accepted to marry him as a Torah scholar and accept upon herself the once a week frequency. [P”M ibid; M”B 240:6] Alternatively, the reason is because even today Torah study weakens the person and hence he is allowed to follow the same status as the Torah scholars of back in the day. [Me’il Tzedaka ibid]

[73] Implication of initial answer of P”M ibid; M”B ibid

[74] Me’il Tzedaka ibid; P”M ibid that so is the implication of M”A 240:3

[75] Me’il Tzedaka ibid based on M”A ibid; Biur Halacha ibid

[76] Me’il Tzedaka 51, brought in Pischei Teshuvah E.H. 76:3, “Although all Torah learners can make their frequency once a week like Torah scholars… nevertheless, because of the promiscuity of the generation, and jealousy amongst women [who desire their husbands more than once a week], I am accustomed to advise to all my congregants to fulfill the frequency of an in-town worker which is twice a week.”; Chochmas Adam 128:19; Biur Halacha 240:1; Igros Moshe E.H. 3:28 “Regarding which you write the novelty of the Achronim that even a Talmid Chacham today is to do it twice a week, and that so have ruled the Geonim of today, this is also my opinion that it is advisable and even obligatory to do twice a week”; See Shulchan Menachem 6:243; Sefer Mitzvas Habayis 2:109; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnotes 2-3; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3 in name of Kedusha Utzenius 16:23, who concludes that even today a Torah scholar is to strive to follow the initial law and only have intercourse once a week on Friday nights, as it is very praised according to the Zohar, and as was done by the Tzadikim and Chassidim of previous generations

[77] Igros Moshe ibid

[78] Biur Halacha 240:1 “Talmid Chacham,” as explained in M”B 240:3

[79] The reason: As we are in a promiscuous generation, and women today are no longer Mochel their Onah even if the husband is a Torah scholar. [See Me’il Tzedakah ibid] And since the wife desires it more than once a week, it therefore becomes obligated as part of the Ikkur Onah, and is more than a mere suggestion. [Igros Moshe ibid]

[80] Shulchan Menachem 6:55

[81] M”A 240:20; Chesed Le’alafim 240:4; Kaf Hachaim 240:2; Ashel Avraham Butchach 240; Orchos Chaim Spinka 240:4; Shulchan Menachem 6:55; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 22; See Michaber 240:1; Tur 240; Rambam Dei’os 4:19

[82] Chesed Le’alafim 240:4; Kaf Hachaim 240:2

[83] See Kaf Hachaim 240:2-3; Minchas Yitzchak 4:108; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4 footnote 34

[84] Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar 16:11 “My master taught me that the entire warning from Shabbos to Shabbos is only when one is doing so for the sake of pregnancy… however, if his wife is already pregnant or nursing there is not that much of a worry”; Mishnas Chassidim; Beir Heiytiv 240:4; Elya Raba 240:2 in name of Sefer Derech Chachmah in name of Tikkunim ; Shulchan HaTahor 240:4;

[85] The reason: As the entire warning of the Arizal is specifically when one is having intercourse with possibility of pregnancy, in order so the potential child can have a holy soul, however, if she is already pregnant or is nursing and can’t conceive then the entire reason is nullified. [Peri Eitz Chaim ibid]

[86] Sha’ar Hamitzvos Bereishis; Elya Raba 240:2 in name of Sh’lah ibid; Yesod Veshoresh Ha’avoda Sha’ar 8 chapter 6 in negation of Mishnas Chassidim and stating that certainly the Arizal did not write this and it must have been written by a Talmid Toeh; Likkutei Maharich in name of Mikdash Melech Parshas Yisro that people have mistakenly attributed this leniency to the Arizal

[87] The reason: As every intimacy draws down a holy soul and is not just relevant to becoming pregnant. [Sh’lah ibid]

[88] Kaf Hachaim 240:2-3; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:4 concludes to be stringent

[89] See Betzel Hachochma 5:23; Shevet Halevi 6:28; Lehoros Nasan 4:31; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 4:89; Koveitz Teshuvos 1:39; Piskeiy Teshuvos 88 and 280:3 and 240:9; Arizal in Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar Kerias Shema Sh’eal Hamita 11; Minchas Yitzchak 3:15

Regarding the allowance for a Ba’al Keri to immerse in a Mikveh on Shabbos: See Admur 326:7 “Nevertheless, a man is allowed to immerse [to purify himself] from a seminal discharge. The reason is because this immersion is not Biblically required (and is not even a complete Rabbinical obligation, [therefore] it does not appear like one is rectifying [himself].”; M”A 326:8; Olas Shabbos; Elya Raba Tosefes Shabbos; Shulchan Atzei Shitim; Aruch Hashulchan 326:10; M”B 326:24; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos 326:9 footnote 118

Regarding the importance to immerse in a mikveh on Shabbos day even if not a Ba’al Keri: See Arizal Sha’ar Hakavanos Inyan Shacharis Shel Shabbos; Kaf Hachaim 260:6; Ketzos Hashulchan 133:4 footnote 8

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule a Ba’al Keri may not immerse in a Mikveh on Shabbos as it appears like fixing [Biur Hagr”a 326:8, brought Biur Halacha 326:8 “Adam Mutar”; See M”A 128:70 and Admur 128:57] Even according to this opinion, however, one may immerse if he became a Ba’al Keri on Shabbos. [M”B ibid; Biur Halacha ibid] However, some were accustomed to be stringent even in such a case. [M”A and Admur ibid] The Gr”a, brought in Biur Halacha ibid, rules that since today we are accustomed not to bathe even in cold water, it therefore appears like one is fixing and one may thus not immerse for nocturnal emission. The Ketzos Hashulchan 133 footnote 8 however adds that today since many are accustomed to immerse for the sake of additional purity [which does not involve a fixing prohibition according to all] it therefore, once again, is unnoticeable that one is immersing for nocturnal emission and thus even according to the Gr”a  it would be allowed. See also Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid who bring this ruling.

Ruling of Admur and M”A regarding Kohanim: The M”A 128:70 and Admur 128:57 [and Taz 128:37] explain that the Kohanim were accustomed not to do Nesi’as Kapayim on Shabbos due to the prohibition against immersing on Shabbos. See Nimukei Orach Chaim 326:1

[90] Piskeiy Teshuvos 88 footnote 7 in name of the Chafetz Chaim, Rav Chaim Kanievsky, and Rav Elyashiv

[91] See Ran Kesubos 495, brought in Beis Shmuel 76:4; Chelkas Mechokeik 76:3; Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 105 writes that he advises Avreichim to do so on Motzei Shabbos rather than on Friday night and that so he saw done by Chassidim who would stay by their Rebbe’s Tish until Alos Hashachar; See Tzitz Eliezer 7:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:3 footnote 20

[92] Machazik Bracha 280:4; Kaf Hachaim 280:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 280:4 and footnote 8

[93] Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[94] Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102

[95] Torah L’shma 69 [that so applies according to Halacha that if she would rather do it by day than Motzei Shabbos, then they should do it by day, even though according to Kabbalah it is better to never do it by day]; Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102 [that ideally it is only permitted to do so in a dark room during the day in a time of great need, which includes if he will miss his minimum frequency of Onah]

[96] Sha’ar Hagilgulim Hakdama 29; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:21

[97] M”A 240:1; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Gimel 1; Kitzur SHU”A 150:7; M”B 240:2 and 10; Biur Halacha 240:1 “Ela B’onah”; Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102; See Nitei Gavriel 103:1-2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8; Sheyikadesh Atzmo Chapter 13 p.  218-226

[98] The reason: As the Mitzavh of Onah is independent of the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu. [Igros Moshe ibid]

[99] Kaf Hachaim 240:1

[100] Sha’ar Hamitzvos Bereishis; Kaf Hachaim 240:1

[101] M”A 240:5; Tur 240:1; Niddah 31a; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:1; Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 408; See Ezer Mikodesh 76:1 that perhaps during this time the Mitzvah of Onah is not a real obligation; Meiy Hada’as 240:6 that some communities are accustomed to abstain from intimacy during the first three months of pregnancy, and that so rule some Rabbanim

[102] Implication of Sefer Chassidim 380

[103] See Orchos Rabbeinu 1:98 and 5:27 in name of Chazon Ish, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8, that the intent of the Talmud is not to say that all intercourse is difficult, but that excessive intercourse is difficult, and that having intercourse according to the minimal Onah frequency is not damaging. See Kedushas Moshe p. 14; See medical opinion at end of this paragraph; However, see Sefer Chassidim ibid brought in previous footnote

[104] Nonetheless, intercourse is permitted during this time even if it is difficult for the child, as we suspect that the husband or wife may have forbidden thoughts if it were to be prohibited, and hence it is better for intercourse to be permitted to prevent the forbidden thoughts and not prohibit something which they cannot control. [Sefer Chassidim 380]

[105] See Kedushas Moshe p. 14; Meiy Da’as ibid; Dr. Mordechai Halprin of the Shlezinger institute, brought in Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 4

[106] See Sefer Chassidim ibid that one who indulges without need will be punished; See Igros Kodesh 15:316, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:241; See Meiy Hada’as ibid; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 13 footnote 2

[107] Igros Kodesh ibid; See Rama E.H. 156:4; Maharam Shick Y.D. 244; S’dei Chemed K’lalim Mareches Tes:5

[108] Encyclopedia Hilchatit Refu’it 3:11; See Nishmas Avraham Basra 3:397; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 13 footnote 4

Other opinions: See Kedushas Moshe p. 14 that the doctors today say that having excessive intercourse during the first trimester can cause miscarriage.

[109] Dr. Mordechai Halprin of the Shlezinger institute, brought in Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 4; Kuntrus Derech Hamelech p. 11; Kedushas Moshe ibid; Meiy Da’as ibid

[110] Written in 2012 by doctor Andrew Moscrop with the University of Oxford

[111] Interestingly, he notes that in the 1980’s the majority of gynecologists advised abstinence, but later on in the 90’s, many retracted their claims

[112] Igros Kodesh ibid

[113] Setimas Kol Haposkim, that the obligation of Onah applies also during the first trimester and hence only if the wife is Mochel, and the husband agrees, may they abstain

[114] Michaber 240:1; Tur 240:1; Niddah 31a; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:1; Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 408; See Sanhedrin 70b regarding Batsheva and Rashi there; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 13:3

[115] See Rashi ibid; Abudarham Birchas Hashachar

[116] Naturally, women tend to enjoy intercourse during the second trimester more than any other time of pregnancy, and possibly more than any other time of marriage. Thus, the above Talmudic statement is quite puzzling, and therefore perhaps one can suggest that it refers to the medical effect of intercourse on the woman, and not on her personal enjoyment. Alternatively, one can offer to say that the nature of women have changed from the times of the Talmud, thereby explaining the omission of this statement by majority of Poskim. See Igros Kodesh 15:316 for a similar approach. Vetzaruch Iyun!

[117] M”A 240:5; Niddah 31a

[118] Niddah ibid

[119] Dr. Mordechai Halprin of the Shlezinger institute, brought in Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 5

[120] Nishmas Avraham Basra 3:297

[121] Igros Kodesh 15:316

[122] See Encyclopedia Hilchatit Refu’it 3:11; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 13:4

[123] Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 194; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8

[124] Taharas Yisrael 194 Beir Yitzchak 19

[125] See Taz 197:4

[126] Michaber Y.D. 194:1; Rama ibid that in a place without a custom, one should not be stringent at all; Teshuvas Rama 94, brought in Taz 194:3, that so is custom today in his provinces; See Taz ibid at length for negation of the stringent opinion and the harsh words of the Bach against one who is lenient; Shach 194:1

[127] Even Shoham 14, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 184:22; Sheilas Ya’avetz 2:10; Chut Shani Niddah 197:3; Shevet Halevi 8:271; See Rama 184:10 and Admur 184:33-35; Or Tzadikim 32:4

[128] See Posei’ach Sha’ar 23:27; Beir Moshe 8:91; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 44; Regarding prohibition of night of Veses, see: Aruch Hashulchan; Taharas Yisrael; Darkei Teshuvah; Maharam Shick 364; Nitei Gavriel Niddah vol. 2 102:2; So ruled to me Rav Farkash in a phone conversation and so he rules in Taharah Kahalacha 24:109 and footnote 177; See also Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 44; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 11 footnote 4; Shut 38 in back of Sefer

The reason: As this can lead to them having intercourse. [Poskim ibid; however see Taharah Kahalacha ibid footnote 177 which negates this reason] Alternatively, it is because it is a danger for her to immerse and not have relations, as stated in the below Q&A. [Taharah Kahalacha ibid]

[129] See Getting Closer pp. 69-86

[130] Biur Halacha 240:1 “Ela B’onah” in name of Elya Raba; Kaf Hachaim 240:1

[131] Sh’lah Hakadosh Lech Lecha p. 45 and Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 402; Chesed Le’Avraham [Rav Avraham Azulai] Mayan 2 Nehar 65-66; Biur Halacha 240:1 “Ela Beonah”

[132] Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 76:1

[133] Michaber E.H. 76:5; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:13

[134] Beis Shmuel 76:7

[135] Chelkas Mechokeik 76:2 and 6 based on Mishneh Kesubos 61b

[136] Rama E.H. 76:5; Tur; Rosh

[137] The reason: Although if the wife forgives her Onah he may travel for as long as he wishes, nevertheless, one is not to do so as in truth she has pain in her heart [and hence her forgiving is only superficial]. [Beis Shmuel 76:7; Chelkas Mechokeik 76:7]

[138] Beis Shmuel 76:7; Chelkas Mechokeik 76:7

[139] Beis Shmuel 76:7 based on Tosafus Kesubos ibid

[140] Beis Shmuel 76:9; Bach 76 in name of Rashal; Bach ibid leaves this matter in question; See Chelkas Mechokeik 76:9

[141] Michaber ibid

[142] Rama ibid

[143] Ra’avad, brought in Chelkas Mechokeik 76:10; Beis Shmuel 76:11

[144] Michaber E.H. 76:5

[145] Beis Shmuel 76:8; Chelkas Mechokeik 76:8 based on Rashi Kesubos 62b

[146] Beis Shmuel 76:2

[147] Beis Shmuel 76:8

[148] Michaber E.H. 76:5

[149] Beis Shmuel 76:10; Tur 76; Bach 76; Perisha 76

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that he may travel away from his wife for 2-3 years just like any Torah scholar. [Beis Yosef 76]

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