Filling the grave with earth:[1]

Not to fill the grave until all is verified:[2] The casket is not to be closed, and the grave is not to be filled with earth, until all steps have been verified, as once the area of the body is covered with earth it may no longer be uncovered, with exception to mitigating circumstances. See Chapter 4 Halacha 8!

The relatives and sons filling the grave:[3] Some are accustomed for the relatives, particularly the sons, to begin the burial and place the first shovel of earth onto the body. [The Chabad custom is for the sons, daughters, and grandchildren to not be involved in any of the aspects of the burial of their father, including the Taharah, carrying the body, or any other matter.[4]]

Gentiles:[5] Gentiles are not to fill the grave with earth, as stated above in D. Likewise, one is to beware not to take stones or earth from a gentile for the sake of burial. If necessary, they may carry the earth/stones and place them down near the grave, and then have a Jew enter it into the grave.[6] 

Covering with earth: The grave is filled with earth until a small mound is formed on top. It is a Mitzvah for all the men present to assist in filling the grave with earth.[7] Some are particular to place earth into the grave three times, while others do 5, 7 or 13 times.[8] Some are accustomed to use their hands to throw earth into the grave, and do not use a shovel.[9] Some use the back of their hands to shovel the initial earth into the grave, until it covers the casket, and only then use a shovel.[10]

Not to pass the shovel to each other:[11] It is customary not to pass the shovel to one another during the burial, and rather it is placed down and then taken by another person.[12] [The Chevra Kadisha is to announce this to the public.]

Begin with head:[13] We begin filling the grave with earth by the area of the head of the deceased.

Saying the verse of Vehu Rachum:[14] Upon each person throwing earth into the grave, they recite the verse of Vehu Rachum three times. The Chevra Kadisha is to announce this to the public. After they say Vehu Rachum three times, they are to recite the paragraph of Venachacha Hashem.[15] The widespread Chabad custom, however, is not to say the added Nussach of Venachachah.[16] These prayers are printed in the end of this chapter!

The mound made on the grave:[17] After the grave is filled with earth, a small mound of earth is made on top of it, reaching a height of one Ama [49 cm, and at the very least three Tefachim, which is 24 centimeters[18]]. [Some are accustomed to reciting prayers of Hashkavos after the mound is complete. Others do not do so.[19]]

A sign with the name:[20] Once the grave is completely filled with earth and the top is in the shape of a small mound, it is customary to make a small sign with the name of the deceased and his father [or mother, and date of passing] by the grave. It remains there until the Matzeiva/tombstone is erected

Flowers:[21] We do not place flowers on the grave due to the prohibition of Bechukoseihem Lo Seileichu.

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[1] See Nitei Gavriel 77

[2] See Chochmas Adam 158:11; Kitzur SHU”A 199:12; Nitei Gavriel 76:20-22

[3] Mavor Yabok Mamar Sefas Emes 27; Sefarim in Nitei Gavriel 77:4 footnote 5

[4] Darkei Chesed 11:7; Nitei Gavriel ibid that so is custom of some; Rav Levi Garelik

[5] Nitei Gavriel 75:3; 76:27; 77:2; See Darkei Chesed p. 225; See Admur 526:7 and Michaber 526:4 that even on Yom Tov Sheiyni, a Jew is to be involved in the entire process, and it is not to be done through a gentile even if he is available.

[6] In the case where there are not enough men for this task, the casket must be at least completely covered with earth before allowing gentile cemetery workers to finish the job. However, see Darkei Chesed ibid that gentiles should not be used at all, and hence the Jews should not leave until the mound is filled.

[7] Mavor Yabok Mamar Sefas Emes 27; 

[8] See Mavor Yabok ibid [three times]; Nitei Gavriel 77:5

[9] Nitei Gavriel 77:6; Some have the custom that members of the Chevra Kadisha begin the filling of the grave by scooping earth in their hands and delicately placing it on the casket until it is completely covered, followed by everyone else with shovels.

[10] Rav Levi Garelik

[11] Mavor Yabok Mamar Sefas Emes 27; Lechem Hapanim 375; Beis Lechem Yehuda; Rav Akiva Eiger 376; Chochmas Adam 158:30; Kitzur SHU”A 199:7; Nitei Gavriel 77:3

[12] The reason: As one should not pass a negative thing to his friend. [ibid]

[13] Gesher Hachaim p. 148; Nitei Gavriel 76:29

[14] Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 18 and in Seder Hakafos; Darkei Chesed p. 271; Nitei Gavriel 77:1

[15] Darkei Chesed ibid; Siddur Torah Or

[16] Rav Levi Garelik

[17] Tur 362; Admur 526:8 “Making a mound of earth is the completion of the burial process”; Poskim in next footnote

[18] Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:154; Minchas Yitzchak 4:28; Chazon Ish Y.D. 109; Nitei Gavriel 77:6

[19] Recorded in Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 18; Omitted from Darkei Chesed; Opposed by Mishnas Chassidim, Arizal in Shaar Hamitzvos; See Chaim Bayad 125:26; Rav Poalim 4:38; Nitei Gavriel 77:9

[20] Nitei Gavriel 77:8 and sources in footnote 14

[21] Minchas Elazar 4:61; Milameid Lehoil Y.D. 109; Yaskil Avdi 4:25; Minchas Yitzchak 1:31; Darkei Chesed p. 225; Nitei Gavriel 49:8; See however Admur 526:6 [based on Michaber 526:4 and Rav Ashi in Shabbos 148b] regarding cutting a myrtle branch to place by the bed of the deceased in his honor; See also Michaber 350 for a number of actions that do not contain a prohibition of Darkei Emori