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7. After the burial:[1]
The mourners remove their leather shoes:[2]
Some Poskim[3] rule that the mourners are not required to remove his leather shoes until he arrives home after the burial.[4] Other Poskim[5] rule that one who is an Avel on the passing of his father or mother is required to walk home barefoot after the burial. Practically, the custom is [by the death of all relatives] for the mourners [both male and female] to remove the shoes after the burial, immediately after the Golel is sealed.[6] This means that after the corpse is covered with earth, and the sealing of the grave with the earth is complete, then the shoes are removed.[7] Alternatively, once the Avel has turned his face away from the corpse [and exited the funeral] he is to remove his shoes.[8] [Practically, today the custom is to remove the shoes only after the Kaddish is said after the burial. The Avel then walks through the row of comforters without his shoes, as explained next. He is to travel back home with non-leather shoes.[9]]
Chol Hamoed:[10] If a burial takes place on Chol Hamoed, the shoes are not removed.
- The Graveside Condolence [i.e. Shura Nichum Aveilim]:[11]
The custom is to stand in a line and comfort the mourners after concluding the burial [i.e. after the saying of Tziduk Hadin, Kaddish, and removal of the shoes].[12] This is done even on days that Tachanun and Tziduk Hadin are omitted, such as Chol Hamoed.[13] All the Jewish men present form two rows, with at least five people in each row [if possible[14]], not including any of the mourners. This is to be done from at least a four Amos distance from the graves.[15] The male mourners walk in the pathway between the two rows, and the people console them with the passage of “Hamakom Yinachem Eschem Besoch Shaar Avalei Tziyon Viyerushalayim.” [After the male mourners’ pass, all the men forming the rows move to one side, forming a single row. The women mourners then pass in front of them, receiving the same condolence.[16] The men are to be very careful not to look at the face of the women, as stated above in Halacha 4F. However, some write that this should not be done, and women mourners are not to pass before the men for comforting.[17]]
In previous times, it was required for one who was a mourner for a parent to walk around with his arm and shoulder outside of its sleeve [i.e. Chalitzas Kateif] from the time of death until after the burial. This was likewise done by other people, as a sign of mourning.[18] Accordingly, after the burial, the sons [and other individuals] would replace their shirts and sleeves to cover their arm and shoulders. Practically, this matter of Chalitzas Hakateif is no longer accustomed at all today.[19]
It is advisable that before leaving the cemetery, the mourners sit on a low stool or bench, formally initiating the Shiva mourning process. This is so that they can count this day as the first day of Shiva.
E. Mourners saying Birchas Hashachar, Davening, Tefillin, Havdalah:
Birchas Hashachar:[20] If the mourners became an Onen prior to daybreak of the day of burial, and the burial took place after daybreak, then they do not recite Birchas Hashachar even after the burial. However, Birchas Hatorah is to be recited after the burial. See Chapter 3 Halacha 24A for the full details of this matter!
Tefillin: On the first day of mourning, which is the day of burial, it is forbidden for a mourner to put on Tefillin. Nonetheless, the widespread Chabad custom is to wear the Tefillin of both Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam without a blessing on the first day of Aveilus, which begins right after the burial. If the burial takes place close to sunset, or the end time of Shacharis, then the Tefillin are to be put on right after the burial, outside the cemetery, or at the very least at a four Amos distance from the surrounding graves. See Chapter 18 Halacha 3 for the full details of this subject!
Shema and Davening Shacharis, Mincha, Maariv: As soon as they begin to throw the earth onto the body, the Aveilim become obligated in Shema, if its time has not yet expired [i.e. Sof Zeman Kerias Shema]. Thus, if the burial took place prior to Sof Zeman Kerias Shema, then Shema is to be recited [outside the cemetery, or at the very least at a four Amos distance from the surrounding graves]. The same applies for Davening Shacharis, Mincha and Maariv if the burial concluded within the Zman of that Tefilah. See Chapter 3 Halacha 24B for the full details of this matter!
Havdalah-Burial took place after Motzei Shabbos: If the deceased passed away on Shabbos [or before Shabbos and was not yet buried], then after the burial, Havdalah must to be recited [prior to eating or drinking any food; prior to eating the Seudas Havraah]. See Chapter 3 Halacha 24D for the full details of this matter!
Following the burial, the mourners retire to the Shiva home. This is the place where the family will gather to observe the Shiva and to receive visitors. As soon as the mourners arrive at the Shiva home, they are served a meal called the Seudat Havra-ah, the meal of recovery or condolence. It is forbidden for them to eat any food until this meal is served. See Chapter 14 for the full details of this subject.
Escorting the mourner’s home:[21] The custom is for the participants of the burial to escort the mourners to the Shiva home. The men escort the male mourners while the women escort the female mourners. [This is not done on Chol Hamoed.[22]]
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[1] The order followed in previous times: The following order followed after the burial, follows the custom of today, which dates back hundreds of years, and is the recorded custom in the Tur and Shulchan Aruch Chapter 375-376. However, in previous times the order of after burial was quite ceremonial, containing many additional customs and traditions which include: 1) Seven Mamados and Moshavos [i.e. seven sessions of sitting and standing] after the burial, during the Shuras Menachamim, corresponding to the seven breaths of Koheles. [Tur 376:1 and 4; Bava Basra 100b] This matter is not obligatory, but rather dependent on community custom. [Tur 376:4; Beis Yosef 376:4] 2) Blessing of Techiyas Meisim, without Hashem’s name. 3) Eulogy in nearby area. 4) Blessing on a Kos Shel Bracha in middle of the street; 5) Blessing of Menachem Aveilim, Mechayeh Meisim, and other blessings with Hashem’s name, as they saw fit, also done in middle of the street. 6) Enter home of Avel and perform Nichum Aveilim. This order of visiting the cemetery, eulogizing, and saying blessings in the street was done for all seven days of Shiva. [Tur ibid; See Rama 355:1 and Taz 355:1 regarding if the street ceremony was also done for a deceased woman] However, the blessings were only said if there was a Panim Chadashos present. Practically, these customs are no longer followed today, as they were never obligatory but rather optional. [Tur 376:4]
[2] See Nitei Gavriel 79:1
[3] Michaber 375:1; Rosh; Ramban; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 2
[4] The reason: See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid that when one travels by foot, or through a gentile area, he may wear leather shoes. Nitei Gavriel ibid concludes that today that we have normal shoes to wear which are not made o leather, there is no allowance to wear leather shoes after the burial.
[5] Rama 382:5; Shach 382:3; Kol Bo in name of Riy; Ravaya 841; Hagahos Maimanis 8:3; Rabbeinu Yerucham; Tanya Rabasi 66; Leket Yosher p. 66
[6] Michaber ibid and 376:4; Tur; Ramban; Custom of
Custom not to remove shoes until reach home: The Rama ibid records that the custom he has seen is not to walk home barefoot even if one is an Avel for a parent. The Shach ibid explains that the reason behind this custom is because they did not want to be scoffed by the gentiles, and thus in all areas in which this worry is not applicable, they must remove their shoes immediately after the burial. This custom of not removing the shoes until one reaches the home is also recorded in Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 13; Ishkavta Derebbe p. 108 that the Rebbe Rayatz and Chassidim did not remove their shoes by the Levaya of the Rebbe Rashab until they arrived home.
[7] Michaber 376:4
[8] Rama 376:4
[9] Darkei Chesed p. 179 and 276; Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 79:1 and footnote 2 in name of Poskim; So was the Rebbe’s custom by the burial of his mother Rebbetzin Chana
Other customs: Some Poskim rule that the shoes are to be removed prior to the Kaddish. [Michaber 376:4] See Pnei Baruch 5:20 footnote 81 who writes to place earth in the shoes and then re-wear it until he reaches home. However seemingly today this allowance does not apply being that normal shoes are available.
[10] Nitei Gavriel 79:7
[11] See Tur 376; Nitei Gavriel 79:2-9
Seven Mamados and Moshavos: In previous times, it was customary to perform seven Mamados and Moshavos [i.e. seven sessions of sitting and standing] after the burial, during the Shuras Menachamim, corresponding to the seven breaths of Koheles. [Tur 376:1 and 4; Bava Basra 100b] This matter is not obligatory, but rather dependent on community custom. [Tur 376:4; Beis Yosef 376:4] It is no longer followed today.
[12] Mentioned in Michaber Y.D. 353:4; O.C. 72:4; Admur 72:4; Mishneh Brachos 17b; Megillah 23b; Tur 376 in great length [see there for the various customs that used to be followed for the Shuros]; 401 in name of Ramban; Rambam Avel 11:3; Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 35 [Vetzaruch Iyun why the Michaber omitted it from chapter 376:4!]
If the mourner is below Bar Mitzvah: See Nitei Gavriel 79:5 that it is not done.
[13] Tur 401; Rambam ibid; See Nitei Gavriel 79:7-8 for different customs
[14] If there are not ten men present, it is nevertheless to be done.
[15] Gesher Hachaim p. 152; Nitei Gavriel 79:2 footnote 4 that we do not comfort the woman
[16] So is custom today; Vetzaruch Iyun Gadol from Halacha that the men may not look at the women after the funeral or burial!
[17] Gesher Hachaim 152 and Nitei Gavriel 79:1
[18] Michaber 340:16; Moed Katan 22b; See Michaber 340:17 regarding from which side the Chlitzas Kateif is done; See Michaber 401:4 that this was not done on Chol Hamoed
[19] Rama 340:17; Kol Bo in name of Riy; See Michaber ibid that a Gadul is not required to do so if it is beneath his dignity.
[20] Admur 71:1
[21] Tur 376; Rosh Moed Katan 3:86; Hilchos Semachos of Maharam 148; Shut Maharil 23; Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 37; Gesher Hachaim p. 152:3; Nitei Gavriel 80:12
[22] Nitei Gavriel 80:13
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