Choosing a Yeshiva for learning-Who gets to decide the father or son?

Choosing a Yeshiva for learning-Who gets to decide the father or son?[1]

If a student desires to go to a certain institution of Torah study in which he believes he will [possibly] see more in his learning from the specific rabbi that is there, then he may go there even if his father protests this due to worry that the many Gentile idol worshipers who live there may harm him. The son is not obligated to obey his father’s requests in this matter.[2] [This applies even if not obeying his father will cause the father much pain.[3] This applies even if a Yeshiva is available in his current city, but he feels he will be more successful in the other Yeshiva.[4] This applies even if the son is not certain that he will be more successful in his learning in the Yeshiva of his choice, although believes that there is a chance that this will occur.[5] If, however, the son will see equal success in the yeshivas of either town, then he should remain in his hometown in order so he can care for his parents.[6]]

Father instructs son not to learn Torah from a certain Rabbi:[7] If a person would like to learn Torah from a certain Rabbi and his father tells him not to learn Torah from him due to a certain dispute that he has with that Rabbi, then one should not listen to his father as it is as if his father is telling him to stop learning Torah.

Studying Chassidus and Kabbalah:[8]

If one’s parent forbids one from learning the inner dimensions of the Torah, one is not obligated to listen to the parent in this regard. Nevertheless, as with all matters, this disobeying of one’s parents’ wishes should only be done in a respectful and peaceful manner and tone.

Leaving Yeshiva in order to help one’s father in his business:[9]

One is not obligated to leave his learning in Yeshiva to help one’s father in his business, and on the contrary, the continued Torah study of the son will help the father in his Parnasa.


[1] Michaber 240:25; Terumas Hadeshen  40; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 13:447 and 505; Igros Kodesh 28:279, printed in Shulchan Menachem 4:176; See also Toras Menachem 1:131; Igros Kodesh 9:110; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 344-345 footnotes 960-974 and p. 443; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 569 footnotes 82-90

[2] The reason: As so can be derived from our forefather Jacob who was not punished for all those years that he spent learning in the home of Shem and Eiver, even though he nullified the mitzvah of honoring his parents while he was there. [Shach 240:15; See Megillah 16b] Likewise, when a child is successful in his Torah learning this itself gives honor to his parents and is considered to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring and fearing one’s parents, and it is for this reason that this Halacha is recorded here in Hilchos Kibbud Av Vaeim and not in Hilchos Talmud Torah. [Likkutei Sichos 22:214 and Igros Kodesh 28:279, printed in Shulchan Menachem 4:176]

[3] Terumos Hadeshen  ibid, brought in Darkei Moshe 240:3; See Hamakneh Kiddushin 31b; Encyclopedia Talmudit footnote 970

[4] Terumos Hadeshen  ibid; Tirosh Viyitzhar; Pnei Aaron Y.D. 11; See Eiruvin 47b that one does not merit to learn from everyone; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 968

[5] Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:22

[6] Chazon Ish in Maaseh Ish 5:147; See also Mishneh Halachos 6:158

[7] Maharam Mintz 15; Leket Yosher 2:37; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 443 footnote 956

[8] Igros Kodesh 13:205, printed in Shulchan Menachem 4:175

[9] Igros Kodesh 13:393 

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