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Chapter 19: Mourning laws applicable during Shiva

 

Regulations applicable during Shiva:[1] During Shiva, the mourner is prohibited from doing a number of activities. This prohibition applies throughout the Shiva, both at night and by day.[2] The following is a list of the prohibitions; each prohibition being explained in its individual Halacha. 1. Sitting on regular chairs, stools, recliners, or couches. [See Halacha 2] 2. Greeting people. [See Halacha 4] 3. Giving presents. [See Halacha 5] 4. Working. [See Halacha 6] 5. Bathing. [See Halacha 7] 6. Anointing-Using cosmetics, lotions, oils, and perfumes. [See Halacha 8] 7. Wearing leather shoes. [See Halacha 9] 8. Laundering, ironing, mending, clothing and wearing fresh clothing. [See Halacha 11] 9. Taking a haircut and shaving. [See Halacha 12] 10.   Cutting nails [See Halacha 13] 11.   Marital relations. [See Halacha 14] 12.   Studying Torah. [See Halacha 15] 13.   Acts of Simcha. [See Halacha 16] 14.   Playing or listening to music. [See Halacha 16] 15.   Leaving the Shiva home. [See Halacha 17] 16.   Public speeches. [See Halacha 19] 17.   Participating in a Simcha. [See Halacha 20] 18.   Getting married. [See Halacha 21] The reason there are such strict mourning restrictions during Shiva:[3] The Zohar[4] states that after death, the body and soul are judged, and the soul cannot be elevated to the next world, Gan Eden, until its judgment is complete. This judgment is especially harsh within the first seven days of Shiva. It is for this reason that the relatives practice mourning throughout Shiva, as the pain that they experience helps alleviate the harshness of the judgment of the deceased.

1. Eating regulations:[5]

There are no eating regulations during Shiva and the mourner may eat whatever foods he desires, including meat and wine, as will be explained.

Meat:[6] It is permitted for the mourner to eat meat during Shiva.[7] [This applies towards all Kosher meat and poultry, without restriction.]

Wine:[8] It is permitted to drink wine during Shiva.[9] [Furthermore, some Poskim[10] rule it is even a Mitzvah and obligation for the mourner to drink wine during the meal.[11] Practically, one is not required to drink wine if he does not want to.[12]] Nevertheless, he is to limit his intake of wine, and is only to drink it during the meal, to help digest the food, and not during other times to get drunk.[13]

Q&A May people who are Menachem Avel eat food in the Shiva home?[14] Some[15] are accustomed not to eat any food, or take any item, from the Shiva home throughout the seven days of Shiva.[16] Others[17] rule there is no need to be particular in this matter, and that so is the custom of many to eat food in the Shiva home after Shacharis. Some[18] write that the custom to be stringent in this matter [according to the first opinion] only applies to the house in which the person passed away. However, if the person did not pass away in the Shiva home then there is no need to refrain from eating food in the home. [Practically, the widespread Ashkenazi custom is not to eat any foods in any Shiva home throughout Shiva. While the Sephardic custom is on the contrary, to honor the visitors with food. Many Chabad Rabbanim have testified to this custom of avoiding eating in a Shiva home and that one is to abide by it.[19] However, there are Chassidishe homes that offer the comforters food and drink.[20] Seemingly, on Shabbos there is room to be lenient according to all.[21]] Lechayim:[22] It is not our custom to offer a Lechayim in the Shiva home during the Shiva, with exception to the seventh day, after Shacharis.   May one eat or drink his own food in the house of the mourner?[23] The Ashkenazi custom stated above is not to eat any food in the house of the Avel even if it is one’s own food that he brought with him. [Due to this, it is proper, for those who follow this practice, not to bring any food to the house of the Avel even if he desires to eat it later on when he leaves the house.]   May one drink from the cup of an Avel?[24] The custom is not to drink from the cup of an Avel unless one washes the cup in-between.[25] This however does not apply on Shabbos.[26] Likewise, women are not accustomed to being careful in this matter.[27] Even men can choose not to be particular in this matter.[28]   May the mourners sit on regular chairs during the meal? One is to sit on a low stool even during the meals, however some are accustomed to being lenient to sit in regular chairs, as explained in the next Halacha.

May an Avel smoke during Shiva?[29] One who is a regular smoker may smoke during Shiva.   May an Avel smell good scents during Shiva?[30] Yes.

2. Sitting:[31]

A mourner is not required to remain specifically sitting throughout Shiva and may certainly walk or stand if he desires.[32] However, if he desires to sit down then the following regulations apply:

Sitting restrictions: A mourner must sit on the ground during Shiva.[33] He may not sit on a bench, or on a pillow or bedding, unless he is sick or old and it is painful to sit on the ground, in which case he may place a small pillow under him on top of the ground.[34] [It goes without saying that he may not sit on a regular chair, recliner, or couch during Shiva. Practically, the custom is to allow one to sit on a low chair or stool, during the Shiva.[35] Likewise, one may sit on a cushion that is on the ground.[36] The above law applies throughout the entire duration of Shiva, both by day and night.]

Old or sick or pregnant:[37] An old or sick person, a person who is weak, and a pregnant woman, may sit on a regular chair during Shiva.[38]

During visitations/Nichum Aveilim: The mourners/Aveilim are required to sit on the floor [or a low stool[39]] during the time that they are being comforted by others.[40] They are not to be standing or walking around during the visitation of those comforting them.[41] [Practically, it is permitted for the mourners to stand and walk around if there are many visitors, and it is uncomfortable for  them to remain sitting throughout all the sessions of comforting.[42] Nevertheless, the Avel is to be particular to sit while the accustomed concluding statement of comfort “Hamakom Yinachem” is recited to them.] The people who come to comfort the mourner are to sit on the ground just as is required of the mourner.[43] Nevertheless, if the mourner forgives his honor, and allows them to sit on regular chairs, it is permitted for them to do so. Practically, the custom today is for the comforters to sit on regular chairs, as it is accepted that the mourners forgive their honor in this regard.[44]

Standing for a Torah scholar/elder:[45] An Avel during Shiva is not obligated [and is not allowed[46]] to stand in the presence of even the Gadol Hador, [and certainly is not obligated to stand for a Torah scholar or elder].[47] [He may however slightly lift up his body in their honor.[48] The comforters, however, are to stand when a Torah scholar or elderly man enters.]

Not to tell the Avel to sit down:[49] One is not to tell an Avel or a sick person to sit down as it implies that he is to sit and remain in his state of mourning or illness. [One may however tell him that he does not need to stand, or other indirect term.[50] The Avel may tell others to sit down.]

Summary: An Avel is to sit on a low stool during Shiva. He may not sit on a regular chair unless he is sick, or weak, or pregnant.   Q&A Must the low stool/chair be less than three Tefachim from the ground? Some sources[51] imply that the stool may not be higher than three Tefachim [24 cm] from the ground.[52] Other sources[53] imply it may not be higher than a Tefach. Other sources[54] however imply that the stool may be higher than three Tefachim [24 cm] from the ground, so long as it is recognizably smaller than a regular chair.   May one sit directly on the floor? Based on Kabala, one is never to sit directly on the ground, and is rather to have an interval between him and the floor.[55] Clothing that one is wearing is not considered a valid interval for this matter.[56] One should be stringent even regarding a tiled floor.[57]   May the mourners sit on regular chairs during the meal? During the times of meals, the Avel is not required to sit directly on the ground, and he may sit on an upside down bed [i.e. Mita Kefuya].[58] Some Poskim[59] rule that it is even permitted for him to sit on a regular chair or bench while eating.[60] Other Poskim[61] however rule it is forbidden to sit on a regular chair or bench even while eating a meal. Practically, one may sit regularly while eating meals if it is difficult to sit on a stool.[62] However the widespread custom is to sit on a low stool even while eating.[63]   May a nursing mother during Shiva sit regularly while nursing?[64] A nursing mother may sit regularly on a chair when she is nursing. May one sit on steps during Shiva?[65] Yes.

3. Sleeping:[66]

Kefiyas Hamita: An Avel is obligated to turn over his bed [i.e. Kefiyas Hamita].[67] He is to sleep on this upside down bed.[68] Today, however, it is no longer customary to turn over the bed, and the beds hence remain in their normal position.[69] Nevertheless, it is disputed as to whether an Avel may sleep in such a bed during Shiva, as explained next:

Sleeping in a bed: Some Poskim[70] rule it is forbidden for an Avel to sleep on a bed during Shiva, and rather he is required to sleep on the ground. Other Poskim[71] however rule it is permitted to sleep on a bed during Shiva.[72] Practically, the custom today is to be lenient to allow sleeping on a regular bed during Shiva.[73]

Summary: One may sleep on a regular bed during Shiva.

Q&A May one sleep regularly with his pillows and blankets?[74] It is proper to turn over the pillow and blanket as recognition of the mourning. Practically, this only applies if they have two sides, one being with designs and the other being its bottom, in which case the design is to be turned upside down.[75]  Some have the custom to remove a pillow (if he sleeps with two), or in some other way reduce one’s accustomed comfort as a reminder that he is in mourning. [On Shabbos, however, one is to sleep regularly.[76]] May one sleep on the bed of the Niftar, [the bed that the deceased would sleep on]?[77] The custom is not to sleep on the bed of the Niftar throughout Shiva.[78] [Nevertheless, in a time of need, such as other beds are not available, one may be lenient in this manner.] Is the bed of the Niftar to be set up throughout Shiva? The bed of the Niftar is to remain set up throughout the Shiva.[79] Nevertheless, one is not to set it with blankets and pillows in order to bring recognition to the person who passed away.[80] Sleeping during the day: Some[81] are careful not to sleep during the day during Shiva.[82] One may certainly be lenient in a time of need, if one is weak or sick.[83] May one travel to a different home to sleep? If one cannot sleep in the Shiva home (i.e. there are not enough beds), he may go to another place to sleep, as explained in Halacha 17!

 

4. Greetings-An Avel greeting others and being greeted by others:[84]

It is forbidden for a mourner to greet[85] people.[86] [See Q&A for exact definition!] It is likewise forbidden for others to greet the mourner, as will be explained in B. The severity of this prohibition lessens as the days of mourning pass, as will be explained:[87]

First three days of mourning:[88] Throughout all seven days of Shiva the Avel may not inquire the wellbeing of any person. If a person who is unaware of his state of Aveilus [or does not know the law[89]] greets him, then during the first three days [of Shiva] he should not reply to his greeting and is rather to inform him of his state of mourning. 

Between four and seven days:[90] After the first three days [of Shiva], up until the end of Shiva on the seventh day, the Avel may still not inquire the wellbeing of any person, although if a person who is unaware of his state of Aveilus greets him, he may reply to their greeting.[91]

After Shiva until Shloshim:[92] After the Shiva, the Avel may inquire the wellbeing of any person.[93] However, after the Shiva until the Shloshim, others may not greet him.[94] If others do greet the Avel, he may answer to the greeting. [Likewise, if one is greeted by the Avel, he may return the greetings.[95] Practically, many are lenient today to greet the Avel after Shiva, even within Shloshim, with greetings that do not contain the word Shalom.[96]]

After Shloshim until 12 months:[97] After the Shloshim, the Avel is considered like any other person and may be greeted. However, this only applies to one who is an Avel for relatives other than one’s parents. If, however, one is an Avel for one’s father or mother, although he may greet others beginning from the conclusion of Shiva, nevertheless others may not greet him until after 12 months.[98] [If, however, others do greet him he may answer to the greeting. Likewise, if one is greeted by the Avel, he may return the greetings.[99]] Today, however, many are lenient in this matter and permit to greet all Aveilim [even one who is an Avel after his father or mother[100]] once the Shloshim has passed.[101] [One however is to only be lenient regarding saying good morning and other greetings of the like, however not regarding the words “Shalom Aleichem.”[102]]

Farewell greetings to the comforters:[103] If many people have come to comfort the mourners, the mourners may respectfully part with them by saying “Go to your houses in peace/Lechu Lebeischem Beshalom.”[104] [This applies even within the first three days of Aveilus.[105]]

Shabbos and Yom Tov-People greeting Avel:[106] Those areas that are accustomed to greeting an Avel on Shabbos [and Yom Tov], may do so.[107] [This applies even during Shiva. Many places however are accustomed to being stringent within the Shloshim, not to greet the Avel even on Shabbos, and hence avoid meeting the Avel in order so it not be Aveilus in public.[108] Some[109] rule that even in such places, one may nevertheless wish the person a Gut Shabbos. Practically, one may be lenient.[110]]

Shabbos and Yom Tov – Avel greeting people:[111] The Rambam rules that an Avel may greet all people on Shabbos [and Yom Tov, and so is the practical ruling[112]].[113] [One may answer the greeting of the Avel even if he is generally accustomed not to greet the Avel on Shabbos.[114]]

Summary: Avel greeting others: It is forbidden for a mourner to greet people throughout Shiva. If a person greets him, he may reply to their greeting after three days into Shiva. After the Shiva, the Avel may inquire the wellbeing of any person. It is permitted for the Avel to greet others on Shabbos and Yom Tov, even within Shiva. Greeting the Avel: Until the Shloshim, one may not greet the Avel. After the Shloshim the custom is to permit greeting the Avel, even if he is an Avel for a parent. One is however to only be lenient by an Avel of a parent regarding saying good morning and other greetings of the like, however not regarding the words “Shalom Aleichem.” It is permitted to greet an Avel on Shabbos and Yom Tov, unless their custom is to be stringent.   Q&A What is defined as a greeting? Some Poskim[115] rule that only statements which include the word Shalom are defined as a greeting, and hence greetings such as good morning and the like are permitted. Other Poskim[116] rule that any greeting is defined as a greeting even if it does not include the word Shalom. Practically, one is not to recite any greeting, even if it does not contain the word Shalom.[117] This prohibition includes the following phrases: · Shalom · Good morning · How are you · Hello · Hi Nodding head:[118] It is permitted to nod one’s head as a greeting.[119]  However some Poskim[120] are stringent. Shaking hands:[121] It is permitted for the Avel and others to shake hands, such as upon greeting each other with a blessing of Mazal Tov, or upon comforting the mourner and the like.  May an Avel be congratulated for a Simcha or congratulate others for their Simcha?[122] A mourner may say Mazal Tov/Congratulations to his friend upon the occasion of a Simcha. Likewise, others may wish him Mazal Tov on occasion of a Simcha that he has.[123] May an Avel give a blessing to others and may he be blessed by others?[124] Yes. May an Avel thank visitors for coming? Yes.[125] He may likewise say Yasher Koach to the visitors. Wishing good Shabbos and good Yom Tov: As stated above, on Shabbos and Jewish holidays, the mourner may wish someone “Good Shabbos/Shabbat Shalom,” and the like. One may likewise greet a mourner with the same expressions unless he is accustomed to being stringent. May an Avel during Shiva say Shalom Aleichem in the Nussach of Kiddush Levana?[126] No. May an Avel write a letter or have a letter written to him which contains greetings?[127] This follows the same law as an oral greeting, as stated above. May non-mourners exchange greetings in the Shiva home? Some Poskim[128] rule that greetings are not to be exchanged in the Shiva home even by non-mourners, amongst each other, [and they are hence not to greet each other with Shalom, or good afternoon and the like]. May an Avel greet a relative, and may relatives greet an Avel during the period of restriction?[129] Some Poskim rule it is permitted for relatives to greet each other during their Aveilus periods, such as a husband and wife, or parent and child, as it is done out of courtesy and not out as a sign of affection.

5. Presents:[130]

Sending gifts to the Avel: It is forbidden to send presents to an Avel during Shiva, or Shloshim. One who is an Avel over a father or mother may not have presents sent to them throughout the entire twelve months of mourning.

Shabbos and Yom Tov: Those places that are accustomed not to greet an Avel even on Shabbos may not send him a present even on Shabbos. However, those places that are accustomed to greeting an Avel on Shabbos may send him a present on Shabbos [assuming there is no Shabbos prohibition involved[131]].

Q&A May an Avel send gifts during Shiva? An Avel is not to give presents during Shiva.[132] Thus he may not give a baby present, Bar Mitzvah gift, birthday present or wedding present during Shiva. He is also not to give a Sefer to a friend during Shiva.[133] During Shiva, he is not even to promise to give a present after Shiva.[134] One may however give a present to a pauper who is in need.[135]   See Chapter 22 Halacha 14 for various Q&A on this subject regarding Shloshim and the same applies during Shiva.

6. Working or conducting business:[136]

A. The prohibition:

It is forbidden for an Avel to perform Melacha during Shiva.[137] This applies even if the Melacha is needed for the sake of the Shiva.[138] An Avel who performs Melacha [during Shiva] is to be excommunicated.[139] It is even forbidden to comfort such a person.[140]

B. Business/job/work:[141]

Just as an Avel is forbidden to do Melacha, so too it is forbidden for an Avel to do business sales, or travel with merchandise from country to country, during Shiva.[142] Therefore, a store owner must close his store for the entire Shiva. The following business activities are also forbidden during Shiva: 1) An Avel is not allowed to go work during Shiva.[143] 2) An Avel may not rent out an item during Shiva.[144] 3) An Avel during Shiva may not do work on an item he was hired to make or fix even if he was hired before Shiva. This applies whether he is paid for the job or per hour.[145] However, in a case of loss, he may hire other people to perform the job on his behalf, as will be explained.[146] It is permitted for an Avel to accept jobs and contracts during Shiva, so long as he will not begin the work until after Shiva.[147]

Business partner:[148] If a business is owned by partners and one of the partners is sitting Shiva it is forbidden for the other partner to operate the business during the Shiva. [Some Poskim[149] rule this applies even in a case of loss.] He may however continue the business privately in his home, so long as it is not public knowledge that the partner sitting Shiva also has a part in the business done in his home. [Some[150] however are accustomed to allowing the Avel to remove himself from his partnership during Shiva in front of the Beis Din, and have the other partner to run the business during the Shiva, as it is publicized that the Avel partner has no share in the proceeds. In such a case the partner is to hang a sign on the store stating that it no longer belongs to the Avel.[151] Other Poskim[152] rule the partner may open the business as usual after three days into the Shiva. Some[153] write the custom is to be lenient like this opinion.]

One who is poor:[154] During the first three days of Shiva it is forbidden to perform Melacha even if one is poor and is supported by charity.[155] After the first three days of Shiva, one who is poor to the extent that he does not have food to eat, may perform Melacha privately within his home. Nonetheless, the Sages state that a curse will befall the neighbors of such a person over the fact they did not support him during this time.

During Shloshim: Some Poskim[156] rule that throughout the Shloshim, an Avel for a parent is to diminish in the work he does, even in a case of loss. However, an Avel for another relative may perform all work he desires, and it is left to his discretion whether to diminish in work or not.

Traveling for business:[157] Throughout the Shloshim, it is forbidden for an Avel to travel afar with merchandise for purposes of business. [158] This applies to all Aveilim.

During the year of Aveilus:[159] Even after the Shloshim, it is forbidden for an Avel over his father or mother to travel afar with merchandise for purposes of business until his friends scold him and tell him to join them.[160] However an Avel for other relatives may travel without limitation once the Shloshim has passed.

 

C. Doing Melacha through other people/Hired workers/Employees:[161]

It is forbidden for an Avel to have Melacha done on his behalf during Shiva, through someone else. This prohibition applies even against having one’s wife, children, and servants perform work for him.[162] Even a gentile may not do Melacha on his behalf.[163] This applies even if the Melacha is needed for the sake of the Shiva.[164] Thus, if an Avel has a hired worker who works in his field, the worker is to be suspended throughout the days of Shiva.[165] Likewise, an Avel may not give an item to a professional to fix during Shiva, and certainly may not order an item to be made during Shiva. If, however, before Shiva he already hired the worker to do the work, then if the worker is being paid for the job [Kablanus], he may do it during Shiva outside the home of the Avel.[166] Thus, a worker of the Avel may not continue to do Melacha in the house of the Avel even if he is paid for the job, and was hired before Shiva. This would include a Melamed, or Sofer, or other worker.[167] An Avel who hired workers to build a property for him [even before Shiva[168]], the workers may not continue their work for him during Shiva even if they are being paid a set fee for the job [i.e. Kablanus], and even if the building is taking place outside of a Jewish settlement.[169] It is however permitted for a housekeeper to continue working during Shiva.[170] In all cases of loss, other people may perform Melacha on the Avel’s behalf, as will be explained.

Doing Melacha during the Shiva if buried before Yom Tov and keeping Shiva after Yom Tov:[171] If one did not start the Shiva before Sukkos or Pesach, such as [if the death and burial occurred before Yom Tov and he did not have time to sit Shiva or] one only received knowledge of the death on Chol Hamoed, then throughout the Shiva that is kept after Yom Tov, the mourner may have other people perform Melacha on his behalf [in their own homes[172]]. This allowance applies even to his servants [and family] who may do work for him discreetly within his house.[173] [However, when starting Shiva after the other Holidays, such as Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Shavuos, then one is prohibited in having Melacha done even by others, as is always the law.]

Doing Melacha during the Shiva if buried on Chol Hamoed:[174] If the burial took place on Chol Hamoed, and the Shiva will thus only begin after Chol Hamoed, then once seven days have passed from the day of burial[175], the mourner may have other people perform Melacha on his behalf in their homes throughout the remaining days of Shiva. Likewise, his servants [and family] may discreetly do work for him even within his house.[176] Thus, if the burial occurred with three days left to the Holiday, then on the last three days of the Shiva he may have work done by others on his behalf. [Thus, his business partner may run the business on his behalf on those days.[177]]

D. Davar Haaveid-Case of loss:[178]

It is forbidden for an Avel to do Melacha even in a case of loss.[179] It is even forbidden for one’s [wife[180] and] live in children[181], and servants to perform Melacha during the Shiva, if the proceeds that they earn go to the Avel, even in a case of loss.[182] However, in a case of loss, an Avel may have people other than the above perform work on his behalf.[183] In a case of loss, all forms of Melacha may be done by others, even those troublesome works that are forbidden during Chol Hamoed, and even a professional job [i.e. Maaseh Uman].[184] If one is unable to find anyone else to perform the Melacha on his behalf, then some Poskim[185] rule that in a case of loss it may be performed even by the Avel himself [and even if the Melacha involves difficulty and Maaseh Uman[186]]. Practically, one may be lenient after the first three days of Shiva in a case of loss, and in a case of great loss one may be lenient even within the first three days of Shiva.[187] However, one may only be lenient to do so in private.[188] During Chol Hamoed it is permitted for the Avel to perform Melacha in a case of loss, just as is permitted by any other person.[189] In all cases of loss in which Melacha is permitted, if one is an Avel for a parent, he is to diminish as much as possible in the work done to save the loss. However, if he is an Avel for another relative, then he may perform all work if it is a case of loss, and it is left to his discretion whether to diminish in work or not [190]

Summary A-D: It is forbidden for an Avel to work, or perform Melacha/business during Shiva, or have others perform Melacha/business on his behalf, unless: 1. Poor: One who is poor and has no food to eat, may work privately within his home after three days into the Shiva. 2. Yom Tov: One who is beginning Shiva after Yom Tov may have others perform work on his behalf once seven days have passed from the burial. 3. Case of loss: To prevent a monetary loss, it is permitted to have others perform work on his behalf, with exception to one’s wife and live in children. Q&A on Businesses May an Avel “sell” his business to another for the period of Aveilus and have them continue doing the work [i.e. Heter Mechira]?[191] One may not do so during the Aveilus period[192], although one who is accustomed to do so during Aninus is not to be protested.[193] However, one whose relative is a Goses may sell the business. How to sell the business:[194] One is to perform a Kinyan Sudar with the buyer in order to finalize the transaction of the sale.[195]  The buyer is to give the seller a vessel of any value. The moment that the seller acquires the item through taking/lifting [Meshicha] it, the business is acquired to the buyer in any area of the word that it exists. It is not necessary to have witnesses to the transaction, it is however advisable to have witnesses view the transaction in order so neither side can deny it having occurred. In the event that witnesses are present, then one of the witnesses is to give an item that he owns to the seller/giver and have it acquired as the Sudar/Chalifin transaction. After the conclusion of Shiva, the buyer is to “sell” back the business to the seller/Avel. Must one close his business/store even if he has a partner who is not an Avel? Yes, as stated above in B!   Must one close his business/store even if he has employees who will need to be paid even if they take leave? Seemingly it is not required to be closed, as this is considered a case of loss, in which we allow others to do Melacha on one’s behalf, as explained in D.   May one sell merchandise to one of his established clients if he suspects that he will  permanently lose the client if he refuses? Some Poskim[196] rule that in such a case it is permitted for him to hire a worker to sell to such a client the merchandise.   May an Avel work on his personal accounting and budgeting during Shiva?[197] Yes, this may be done if necessary.   May one’s wife or children run their business during Shiva? No.[198] If, however, the proceeds of the business will go directly to them and not to the Avel then they may continue doing business in private.[199] May one’s wife go to work during Shiva?[200] Yes.[201] She however may not work for her husband’s business, as explained above.   May an Avel have his children cook and bake food on behalf of another person’s Simcha?[202] No. May an Avel deposit a check during Shiva? If not depositing the check can cause him a monetary loss [i.e. check might bounce after Shiva], or delay payment of a debt[203], then one may have another person do so on his behalf, with exception to his wife and live in children. See E regarding collecting payments! I have a person, who is a transcriber that works for herself transcribing voice files that I recorded for a book I am writing. May she continue to do so when I am in Shiva or must she stop? Depends: In general, the rule by a hired worker is as follows: If you are paying her per hour and will not have to pay her if you tell her to stop for the week, then she must stop. If you are paying her for the job, then she may continue. The above, however only applies to having her do actual Melacha, such as write the material with a pen and paper, or print the material from a computer. However, for her to type the material on her computer is not a problem even if she is paid per hour and you can delay her without a loss.

 

E. List of permitted and forbidden Melachos:

*In general, all Melachos which are forbidden on Chol Hamoed are likewise forbidden during Shiva.[204] It is beyond the scope of this work to review all the prohibition relevant, and hence one is to review the laws of Chol Hamoed for any relevant question that has not been recorded here.

Giving loans:[205] An Avel may not give an interest loan to a gentile during Shiva. If, however, the gentile is an established client of his, then he may arrange the loan to be made to him through another person.[206]

Collecting loans:[207] One may not collect a loan during Shiva unless the person/money will not be available after the Shiva. In such a case, one may collect the loan through another person.[208] The same applies in any case in which one suspects he may lose the payment of his loan.[209]

Writing:[210] The laws of writing during Shiva follow the same laws as writing during Chol Hamoed [that are explained in Shulchan Aruch chapter 545[211]]. Any writing permitted during Chol Hamoed is permitted during Shiva, while any writing forbidden during Chol Hamoed is forbidden during Shiva. [Some Poskim[212], however, rule that even writing that is permitted during Chol Hamoed is only permitted during Shiva if it cannot be written by another person. Furthermore, some Poskim[213] rule that writing during Shiva is not similar to Chol Hamoed in all matters, and that by an Avel there is no difference between professional or amateur script [Uman/Hedyot], and thus all scripts are forbidden with exception to the circumstances explicitly permitted on Chol Hamoed. From other Poskim[214], however, it is evident that all forms of script permitted to be written on Chol Hamoed is also permitted for an Avel to write.]

Court case:[215] One is not to make a court claim against another during Shiva. If, however, it is a case of loss, such as one will be unable to make his claim after the Shiva, such as the defendant is leaving the country, or his witnesses are ill and may pass away, then one may give another person a power of attorney [i.e. hire a lawyer] and have him make the claim on his behalf during Shiva.

Laundry: It is forbidden for a mourner to launder clothing throughout the seven days of Shiva even if he will be using only water. See Halacha 11E!

Housework:[216] It is permitted for an Avel to perform housework throughout the Shiva.[217] This allowance includes: cleaning the home, sweeping and mopping the floor[218], washing dishes[219], setting up the bed. It is also permitted for a woman [or man] to bake and cook during Shiva.[220] This allowance, however, is limited only to food that she needs, it is however forbidden for her to cook or bake foods that she does not need.[221] [This means that she may not cook/bake food on behalf of other families and individuals, or for eating after the Shiva. She may however bake and cook on behalf of her household and guests.[222] One may cook/bake and wash dishes even if they have other food and other clean dishes available.[223]]

Housecleaner sitting Shiva:[224] A Jewish housecleaner who is sitting Shiva may bake and cook and perform all other household needs during Shiva. This applies whether she works for free or is paid.[225] She may not however perform extra work that is not necessary for the household. She is certainly not to leave the house.[226]

Gabaiy:[227] If the Shamash/Gabaiy of a Shul is an Avel he may not work in the Shul during Shiva, even though it is for the sake of the Shul and the community. [Some Poskim[228] however rule that on Erev Shabbos, the Gabaiy may come to Shul to prepare it for Shabbos, even during Shiva.]

Q&A May an Avel tie a knot during Shiva?[229] He may not tie a permanent knot.   May an Avel tie Tzitzis during Shiva?[230] No, unless he does not have other Tzitzis available.   May an Avel polish his shoes during Shiva?[231] Yes.   May an Avel build a Sukkah during Shiva?[232] Yes, if there is no one else available. This applies even during the first three days of Shiva.   May an Avel take a blood test, or give a blood donation, during Shiva?[233] Yes.   May a Doctor who is an Avel work during Shiva?[234] A doctor may visit an ill patient during Shiva. Some Poskim[235] rule it is permitted to do so even if there is another Dr. available. Certainly, if the ill person is his personal patient, he may visit him during Shiva.   May a Sofer who is an Avel write Stam during Shiva?[236] This follows the same law as Chol Hamoed.   May an Avel type on a computer during Shiva?[237] Some Poskim[238] rule it is permitted to do so without restriction.[239] According to all one should not perform a very long and strenuous job of typing.[240]   May an Avel write Chidushei Torah? See Halacha 15B in Q&A!   May a member of the Chevra Kadisha who is sitting Shiva perform a Kevura/Taharah during Shiva?[241] Yes, if there is no one else available who is expert like him. May an Avel who is a Shochet perform Shechita during Shiva?[242] For himself: It is permitted for a Shochet to Shecht for his personal needs.[243] Some Poskim[244] however rule an Avel should not Shecht at all during Shiva. For others: According to all, it is forbidden for a Shochet to Shecht for others if there is someone else available who is expert like him. If there is no one else available who is expert like him, then some Poskim[245] rule it is permitted for a Shochet to Shecht for others. Other Poskim[246] however rule it is forbidden to do so even if there are no other Shochtim available. Touching money:[247] Some Aveilim have the custom not to touch money throughout the Shiva.

7. Bathing:[248]

A. The law:

It is forbidden for an Avel to bathe throughout Shiva.[249] This applies to both men and women, and even towards a married woman.[250]

Cold water:[251] The above prohibition applies even against bathing the in cold water.

Hands, feet and head and minority of body:[252] It is permitted for an Avel to wash his hands[253], face and feet in cold water during Shiva.[254] It is however forbidden for him to wash them in hot water. [The same law applies for any minority of the body, that it may be bathed with cold water during Shiva.[255]]

B. Cases of exception:

One who is dirty:[256] One whose body is dirty with mud or feces [or sweat[257]] may bathe/shower regularly without worry [even using hot water in order to remove the dirt and sweat].[258] [One, however, may only wash with hot water the area of the body that is dirty.[259] If, however, one feels dirty in his entire body, then he may bathe his entire body.[260] One may not remain in the water once the dirt or sweat has been washed off.]

Yoledes:[261] It is permitted for a Yoledes [woman within thirty days after birth[262]] to bathe [during Shiva, even in hot water] if she needs to do so. This applies even on the first day of Aveilus, although if it is not such a great need, it is best for her to refrain from bathing on the first day.[263]

Nidda-Mikveh:[264] A woman who is a Nidda may not immerse in a Mikveh during Shiva even if her Mikveh night falls during that time.[265]

Nidda-Hefsek Taharah: A woman who is a Nidda may perform a Hefsek Taharah during Shiva and begin her seven clean days.[266] She however is to change from her normal form of bathing for her Hefsek Taharah, and only wash between her thighs and her private area. She may use either hot or cold water for this purpose.[267] She is to wear a white garment and spread white sheets on her bed in order to remove all doubt.[268]

One with lice:[269] One who is suffering from lice on his head is permitted to wash his head with hot water and shampoo.[270]

Pampered person:[271] One who is pampered [i.e. Istanis], which is defined as one who constantly feels very cold and has a history of colds, is permitted to bathe his entire body in hot water. Not every person can claim that he is an Istanis, but rather only those who are well known for their extra measure of cleanliness, and that if they do not bathe, they will suffer tremendously and come down with an ailment, is defined as an Istanis.

Consecutive Aveilus:[272] One who is sitting Aveilus consecutively for two different relatives, one after the other, such as a second relative passed away during, or right after, the Shiva of the first relative, then he is permitted to wash his entire body in cold water [after the Shiva of the first relative[273]]. [However according to the custom not to bathe the entire body even in cold water until after Shloshim, one may only bathe in water after the Shloshim of the first relative. After the Shloshim for the first relative, one may bathe even in hot water.[274]]

Summary: During Shiva one may not bathe/shower in water majority of his body in even cold water, unless he is dirty/sweaty, in which case he may wash off the dirt/sweat even using hot water. One may always wash minority of his body in cold water, although not in hot water.   Q&A Is warm water defined as hot or cold? May one bathe his hands/feet/face in warm water?[275] Warm water is considered hot and it is this forbidden to wash one’s hand, legs and face in even warm water.   May one go to a sauna or steam room during Shiva?[276] No.   May one rinse his mouth and brush his teeth during Shiva? Yes. Q&A on cases of exception May a child who is an Avel bathe during Shiva?[277] Yes. May one who is in pain bathe during Shiva?[278] Yes. May one bathe for medical purposes during Shiva?[279] If one is sick and the doctors directed him to bathe during Shiva, he may do so even in hot water. Q&A on women immersing in Mikveh If a woman’s Shiva ends on Shabbos and her Mikveh night falls on Motzei Shabbos, may she perform the Chafifa on Erev Shabbos? Some Poskim[280] rule she is to perform the Chafifa on Erev Shabbos. Other Poskim[281] rule she is to only perform the Chafifa on Motzei Shabbos Is a woman whose husband is in Aveilus to immerse in a Mikveh during Shiva? Some Poskim[282] rule she is not to go to Mikveh until after Shiva.   May a Kallah who is prior to her wedding perform a Hefsek Taharah during Shiva? Some Poskim[283] rule a Kallah may not perform a Hefsek Taharah during Shiva.[284] Other Poskim[285] however rule that she may do so.   Q&A on Shabbos, Yom Tov, and Mikveh for men May one bathe on Erev Shabbos during Shiva?[286] Bathing on Erev Shabbos during Shiva follow the same laws and restrictions as all bathing during Shiva and hence one may not bathe any part of his body in hot water, although may wash minority of his body in cold water. Mikveh: See next Q&A! May a man immerse in a Mikveh during Shiva? No. However one who is a Baal Keri and is always particular to immerse after becoming a Baal Keri may immerse in a Mikveh of cold water even during Shiva.[287] However, some Poskim[288] are stringent even in such a case. Erev Shabbos:[289] It is forbidden to immerse in even a cold Mikveh on Erev Shabbos, even if he is particular to do so every Erev Shabbos.[290] However some Poskim[291] are lenient in this matter.[292] [Practically, there is a tradition from elderly Chabad Chassidim to immerse close to sunset.[293] Those who are lenient are to immerse discreetly while other people are not around. Likewise, they may not remain in the Mikveh water and are to immerse and then leave.[294]] Shabbos: It is forbidden to immerse in even a cold Mikveh on Shabbos, even if he is particular to do so every Shabbos.[295] However some[296] are lenient in this matter. Those who are lenient, are to immerse discreetly while other people are not around. Likewise, they may not remain in the Mikveh water and are to immerse and then leave.[297] If the last day of Shiva falls on Shabbos, the Avel may immerse prior to Shacharis.[298] May one who has not yet begun Shiva bathe on Erev Simchas Torah and the like?[299] Yes.

8. Anointing: Using creams, oils, lotions, soap, cosmetics, perfume, and deodorant:[300]

It is forbidden for an Avel [during Shiva[301]] to smear any amount [of oils, creams, lotions, soap, cosmetics, or perfumes on his body[302]] for pleasure purposes. [This applies to both men and women, and applies to all parts of the body, including the hair.[303]]

To remove sweat: It is permitted to smear [oil or lotions on the body] for the purpose of removing sweat.[304]

Medical purposes: It goes without saying that an Avel may smear [oil or lotions and the like] for medicinal purposes, such as one who has head scabs and the like.

 

Summary: A mourner may not use the following items during Shiva unless it is for medical purposes: · cosmetics · lotions · oils · soap · perfumes Q&A May one use deodorant during Shiva?[305] Yes.   May one place a medical cream on his skin during Shiva? Yes.   May one apply chap stick/lip balm to dried lips during Shiva? Yes.[306]   May one brush his teeth during Shiva?[307] Yes.

9. Makeup and jewelry:[308]

A woman may not apply makeup during Shiva.[309] This applies both to a single and married woman. [See Q&A regarding jewelry!]

A Kallah/bride:  A bride within the first thirty days of her Chuppah is permitted to wear makeup [or jewelry] during Shiva [in order so she not be despised in her husband’s eyes].

Shidduchim:[310] A girl who has reached marriageable age, and is either engaged or in the process of Shidduchim, may wear makeup [even during Shiva[311]].

Q&A May a woman who is an Avel wear jewelry during Shiva?[312] A woman who is an Avel is not to wear jewelry during Shiva, with exception to her wedding ring.   May a woman who is an Avel wear a hairdo or braid?[313] No.   May a female child who is an Avel wear makeup and jewelry?[314] Yes.[315]

10. Leather shoes:[316]

A. The prohibition:

It is forbidden for a mourner to wear leather shoes [during Shiva[317]].[318] [This includes all footwear which contains leather material even] if the shoe is made of wood and is simply covered with leather [or has leather soles[319]].[320] [It is forbidden to wear a leather shoe even on one foot.[321]]

Shoes made of other materials:[322]  Footwear made of other material, such as cloth, reeds, hair or wood, is permitted.[323] [However, it is best to be stringent and not wear shoes made of wood.^[324] Likewise, some Poskim[325] rule one is not to wear comfortable sneakers/shoes that prevent the feet from feeling the hardness of the ground, even if they are not made of leather. Other Poskim[326] however rule it is permitted to wear any shoe that does not contain leather, and so is the Chabad custom.[327]]

Standing on top of leather material:^[328] There is no prohibition against standing on leather material, although one who is stringent is blessed.

B. When the prohibition begins-When to remove the leather shoes:[329]

It is permitted to wear leather shoes throughout Aninus, until the start of Aveilus, after the burial.[330] Some Poskim[331] rule one is not required to remove his leather shoes until he arrives home after the burial.[332] Other Poskim[333] rule that one who is an Avel on his father or mother is required to walk home barefoot. Practically, the custom is [by the death of all relatives] to remove the shoes after the burial, immediately after the Golel is sealed.[334] This means that after the corpse is covered with earth and the sealing of the grave with the earth is complete, then the shoes are removed.[335] Alternatively, once the Avel has turned his face away from the corpse [and exited the funeral] he is to remove his shoes.[336]

Practical custom of today:[337] Today the custom is to remove the shoes after the Kaddish said after the burial. The Avel then walks through the row of comforters without his shoes. He is to travel back home with non-leather shoes.

C. Cases of exception:

Woman who is within 30 days after birth:[338] A woman who is within thirty days of giving birth may wear leather shoes.[339] [This however only applied back then when only leather shoes were able to provide warmth, however today that there are many good shoes made of other materials readily available, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes during Shiva even in such a case.^[340]]

A sick person:[341] A sick person is allowed to wear leather shoes being that sick people are sensitive to the cold. [However, they are to place earth into the shoes upon wearing it.[342] This entire law however only applied back then when only leather shoes were able to provide warmth, however today that there are many good shoes made of other materials readily available, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes during Shiva even in such a case.^[343]]

One who has a foot injury:[344] One who has a foot injury is allowed to wear leather shoes if needed.  [However, they are to place earth into the shoes upon wearing it.[345] This entire law however only applied back then when only leather shoes were able to provide comfort, however today that there are many good shoes made of other materials readily available, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes during Shiva even in such a case, if other comfortable shoes are available.^[346]]

Protect from getting bitten:^[347] Any person may wear leather shoes in an area that scorpions are found [in order to protect him from being bitten by scorpions and the like]. [However, they are to place earth into the shoes upon wearing it.[348] This entire law however only applied back then when only leather shoes were able to provide protection, however today that there are many good shoes made of other materials readily available, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes during Shiva even in such a case, if other protective shoes are available.^[349]]

A traveler:[350] It is permitted for an Avel who is traveling by foot to wear leather shoes until he arrives to the city. [However, he is to place earth into the shoes upon wearing it.[351] This entire law however only applied back then when only leather shoes were able to provide protection, however today that there are many good shoes made of other materials readily available, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes during Shiva even in such a case, if other good shoes are available.^[352]]

One who is walking through a non-Jewish neighborhood:[353] Some Poskim[354] rule that an Avel who traveled by foot, and entered into the city, may continue to wear leather shoes until he reaches the Jewish neighborhoods.[355] Practically, the custom is like this opinion.[356] [However, they are to place earth into the shoes upon wearing it.[357] This entire law however only applied back then, however today that it is common to also wear shoes made of other material, it is forbidden to wear leather shoes even in such a case.^[358]]

Summary: Wearing leather shoes is forbidden during Shiva. The mourner is to wear just socks or non-leather footwear (i.e. slippers or sneakers).   Q&A May one wear new non-leather shoes?[359] Yes, although one who is stringent is blessed.   May one wear shoes that have only leather straps? Some Poskim[360] rule it is forbidden to wear it. However other Poskim[361] rule it is permitted. May one enter leather covered metal foot supporters into his shoe? Some Poskim[362] rule it is permitted to do so if one has great pain walking without them. If one discovered that he is an Avel[363] upon walking in the street, must he immediately remove his leather shoes?[364] No. He may walk home with them and then remove them. May one wear leather shoes on Shabbos Shiva?[365] Yes. One is specifically to do so in order to negate any thought of Aveilus. Does a mourner recite the blessing of Sheasa Li Kol Tzarki?[366] Yes.

11. Clothing and Dress:[367]

A. Keriah:[368]

A relative who did not perform Keriah [or did not perform the Keriah properly] at the proper time, remains obligated to do so throughout the seven days of Shiva.[369]

Mourner of parent:[370] One who is sitting Shiva for one’s mother or father, must wear torn upper garments throughout the Shiva. Thus, in the event that he changes his shirt or jacket during Shiva [in those cases that it is permitted to do so[371]] then he must make sure to tear the new shirt or jacket that he is wearing [in the same way that was done by the funeral, although without a blessing]. [A coat or jacket that is only worn on occasion, to protect from cold or rain, does not require Keriah, and only dress jackets fall under this requirement.]

Mourner of other relatives:[372] One who is sitting Shiva for a relative other than one’s mother or father, is not required to wear a torn upper garment throughout the Shiva. Thus, in the event that he changes his shirt or jacket during Shiva [in those cases that it is permitted to do so] he does not need to make a new tear on the new shirt or jacket that he is wearing.

Women:[373] A woman who is sitting Shiva for her mother or father must also wear a torn upper garment throughout the Shiva. However, she may use a safety pin to close the torn parts [and so is the custom, to immediately close the torn parts with a safety pin after the Keriah is done].[374]

Q&A May one wear Pajamas without doing Keriah to the pajama shirt?[375] Yes. At night one may change into sleeping attire, and one does not have to perform Keriah on to it.   If one is traveling during Shiva must he/she wear the torn garment while traveling? Avel for parent: One who is sitting Shiva for a parent must wear a torn garment throughout the Shiva, even when traveling. One may however borrow a non-freshly laundered/ironed garment from another person and wear it without performing Keriah. If this is not possible, and one is traveling through public transportation and feels embarrassed to wear a torn garment, may change to a non-freshly laundered garment that was worn by them prior to the Shiva.[376] Avel for other relatives: One who is sitting Shiva for other relatives, may change into another garment that is not freshly laundered/ironed. When on Erev Shabbos may an Avel for a parent change clothing? See Chapter 20 Halacha 3.   When on Motzei Shabbos must an Avel for a parent change back to his torn clothing? See Chapter 20 Halacha 13!

 

B. Removing one’s arm and shoulder from his garment:

It is not required or accustomed to walk around with one’s arm and shoulder outside of its sleeve during Shiva [i.e. Chalitzas Kateif]. This matter was only required prior to burial, and only for one who is a mourner for a parent[377], and today even this is no longer accustomed.[378]

C. Black clothing:[379]

It used to be customary for the relatives of the deceased to wear black clothing [during the mourning period]. Practically, each community is to follow his custom.

 

D. Buying or making clothing:[380]

It is forbidden for an Avel during Shiva to make or buy clothing.

 

E. Laundering clothing:[381]

It is forbidden for a mourner to launder clothing throughout the seven days of Shiva even if he will be using only water. [It is forbidden to launder clothing even for the sake of others.[382]]

Having other people launder one’s clothing:[383] It is forbidden for others to launder the clothing of the Avel within the Shiva.[384]

Laundering for after Shiva:[385] It is forbidden to launder one’s clothing within the Shiva even if one does not plan on wearing it until after the Shiva.[386] This prohibition applies whether one personally launders the clothing, or has someone else do so for him. If one’s clothing is by a laundry mat, it is permitted for them to launder it as usual.[387]

Sheets/Blankets:[388] It is forbidden to launder even the sheets and blankets of a bed during Shiva.

Towels:[389] It is forbidden to launder even hand towels during Shiva.[390]

Tablecloths:[391] It is forbidden to launder tablecloths during Shiva.

Children:[392] It is permitted [for a non-Avel[393]] to launder the clothing of children whose father [or mother] passed away [even within the Shiva].

Cases of exception:[394] Although regarding Chol Hamoed the Sages made a list of exceptions of people who may launder their clothing due to special circumstances[395], these exceptions do not apply towards Aveilus/Shiva. If, however, another relative passed away within the Shiva of the first relative, and he is thus sitting Shiva two consecutive times, then if one of the above listed exceptions of Chol Hamoed applies, he may launder his clothing in private [after he completes the Shiva of the first relative[396]] even if he is within Shiva of the second relative. He may launder his clothing even with soap and detergent. One who did not experience any of the listed exceptions of Chol Hamoed, but had a relative pass away within the Shiva of the first relative, may launder his clothing with plain water after the Shiva of the first relative.

May an Avel wash his clothing during the nine days?[397] If an Avel ended his Shiva during the nine days, he may wash his clothing, although without using soap. This applies even on the week of Tishe Beav.

After Shiva:[398] After the Shiva, it is permitted to launder clothing whether for oneself or for the sake of others, [however it remains forbidden due to custom for him to wear the washed clothing until after the Shloshim, as explained in C].[399]

Summary: It is forbidden for an Avel to launder clothing during Shiva. One may not launder his own clothing or other peoples clothing, and may not have his clothing laundered by others, even if it will not be worn until after Shiva. One may not even launder towels, tablecloths or linen.   Q&A May one launder undergarments?[400] If all one’s undergarments are dirty, or sweaty, he may launder his undergarments. It is not necessary to have another person wear them in the interim. Some[401] however write that one is to first place the clothing on an earth floor for some time before wearing it.   May one do laundry if all of his clothing is dirty? If all one’s clothing is dirty one may launder his clothing even during the Shiva.[402] In such a case, one is to give his clothing to another person to wear first.[403] May an Avel launder the clothing of his children?[404] No. Only one who is not sitting Shiva may launder the clothing of the children. However, some Poskim[405] are lenient. Practically, in a time of need when no one else is available, one may wash the clothing of children using a washing machine.[406] May children below Bar/Bas Mitzvah who are in Aveilus launder clothing?[407] Yes. May the family members of the Avel launder their own clothing?[408] Yes. They are only prohibited from laundering the clothing of the Avel, however their own clothing may be laundered by them.

F. Ironing clothing:[409]

It is forbidden to iron clothing within the Shiva.

After Shiva: After the Shiva, it is permitted to iron clothing whether for oneself or for the sake of others, although it remains forbidden for him to wear the ironed clothing, as explained next.[410]

G. Changing Clothing-Wearing freshly laundered clothing:

It is permitted for an Avel to change clothing during Shiva, so long as the clothing is not new, and not freshly ironed or laundered, and will be torn in its front in those cases required as explained in Halacha A. The following is the law regarding changing into freshly laundered, freshly ironed, or new clothing: 

Freshly laundered clothing:[411] It is forbidden for a mourner to wear freshly laundered clothing throughout the seven days of Shiva even if it was laundered before the Shiva.[412] Even if the clothing was laundered with only water and not other substances [i.e. detergent etc], it is forbidden to wear it during Shiva.[413]

Freshly ironed:[414] It is forbidden to wear freshly ironed[415] clothing throughout the Shiva, until after the Shloshim.[416] It is likewise forbidden to place freshly ironed linen on one’s bed.[417]

New clothing:[418] It goes without saying that it is forbidden to wear new clothing during Shiva.[419]

Sheets/Blankets:[420] It is forbidden to change one’s linen, bed sheets, and blankets, to a freshly laundered pair during Shiva.

Towels:[421] It is forbidden to use freshly laundered towels during Shiva. This applies even to hand towels.

Tablecloths:[422] It is forbidden to place freshly laundered tablecloths on a table during Shiva, with exception to Shabbos.

Cases of exception: See Halacha E!

After Shiva:[423] The prohibition against wearing freshly ironed, or freshly laundered, or new clothing, continues past Shiva with exception to a few cases. See Chapter 22 Halacha 9 for the full details of this subject!

Summary: It is permitted for an Avel to change clothing during Shiva, so long as the clothing are not new, and not freshly ironed or laundered, and will be torn in its front in those cases required. It is forbidden for an Avel during Shiva to wear freshly laundered, or freshly ironed, or new clothing.   Q&A May one wear freshly laundered undergarments during Shiva?[424] One whose undergarments are dirty or sweaty, may change into freshly laundered undergarments during Shiva. One may thus wear fresh socks, undershirts and underwear as he sees necessary. It is not necessary to have another person wear them in the interim. Some[425] however write that one is to first place the clothing on an earth floor for some time before wearing them.   May one wear freshly laundered clothing during Shiva if another person wears it in the interim? No.[426] However, in a time of great need one may have another person wear it for approximately half a day and he may then wear the clothing.[427] If one’s clothing are dirty, see next Q&A! What is one to do if his clothing is dirty? If all one’s available non-freshly laundered clothing is dirty or sweaty, he may change into freshly laundered clothing even during the Shiva.[428] However, one is to give the clothing to another person to wear first and only then is he to wear it.[429] May children below Bar/Bas Mitzvah who are in Aveilus wear freshly laundered clothing?[430] Yes. May a woman during Shiva, who is in the midst of Sheva Nekiyim, wear freshly laundered white clothing?[431] Yes. She may also spread freshly laundered white linen on her bed. May an Avel who is sleeping by a hotel, or friend’s house, during Shiva sleep with freshly laundered linen?[432] Yes. However, it is best for a friend to use the linen first, or to place it on the ground for some time.

H. Shabbos clothing:[433]

Some Poskim[434] rule it is forbidden for an Avel to wear Shabbos clothing during Shiva, until after the Shloshim.[435] Practically, the custom is to be stringent.[436] [This applies even on Shabbos.[437] Other Poskim[438] however rule an Avel is to wear Shabbos clothing on Shabbos during Shiva/Shloshim.[439] Practically, the custom is to wear Shabbos clothing on Shabbos even during Shiva.[440] This applies even if the Shabbos clothing is freshly laundered.[441] It is best however to have another person wear the clothing first, if it is freshly laundered.[442] It remains however forbidden to wear Shabbos clothing during the week.]

Shabbos tablecloths:[443] It is permitted to place freshly laundered tablecloths on a table on Shabbos during Shiva.

Bris Milah:[444] An Avel who is a Baal Bris [Father of son; Mohel; Sandek] may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris, until the Bris is complete. [However, a Sandek is not to wear Shabbos clothing during Shiva.[445]]

Summary: It is forbidden to wear Shabbos clothing during the weekdays of Shiva. However, one is to wear Shabbos clothing on Shabbos during Shiva.   Q&A on wearing Shabbos clothing during the week If one is accustomed to wear fancy clothing [that can be Shabbosdik] even during the week, may he wear it during Shiva?[446] Yes. Thus, a Rav or Rosh Yeshiva who is accustomed to wear a Kapata even during weekdays may continue to wear it during Shiva, [although Keriah must be done to it if he is an Avel for a parent]. However, some Poskim[447] rule it is accustomed for women who are in Aveilus not to wear fancy clothing worn only by aristocrats.   May one wear Shabbos clothing for a Bris or Pidyon Haben of one’s son during Shiva?[448] Yes. May a parent wear Shabbos clothing for the wedding of a child taking place during their Shiva?[449] Yes. When on Erev Shabbos may one begin to wear the Shabbos clothing? See Chapter 20 Halacha 3! When on Motzei Shabbos is one to remove his Shabbos clothing? See Chapter 20 Halacha 13!

I. Ittuf Harosh-Covering the head:[450]

An Avel is obligated to cover his head [i.e. Atifas Harosh] throughout Shiva.[451] This means that he is obligated to cover his head with a Tallis or scarf, and wrap part of it around his mouth and nose.[452] He is required to be garbed for the entire day with exception to the times that people are comforting him, in which case he may reveal his head in their honor.[453] Some opinions[454] however rule that in our provinces we are not accustomed to wrap and cover our heads [during Shiva].[455] Practically, the widespread custom [even amongst Sephardim[456]] is not to do so, and one is not to be stringent and swerve from what our forefathers have not done.[457] Nevertheless, the Avel is to [wear a hat and] have his hat droop below his eyes and cover them.[458] [For this reason, the Avel is not to remove his hat throughout Shiva.[459] He may however remove it in case of discomfort.[460] Many however are not particular in this matter.[461]]

Summary: In previous times, it was required for a mourner to perform Ittuf Harosh beginning immediately after the burial, with the start of Aveilus. Today, however, this form of covering is no longer accustomed, however some are particular to cover their head with a hat at all times even today.

J. Wearing Jewelry:

See Halacha 9!

12. Haircutting and Shaving:[462]

A mourner may not cut his hair within Shiva, until after the Shloshim.[463] This applies for both men and woman.[464] [Regarding cutting the hair after Shloshim, if one is mourning a parent, see Chapter 23 Halacha 10, if however he is in mourning for other relatives, then he may cut his hair.]

What hair is included in the prohibition?[465] The prohibition applies to all body hair, whether hair of the head, or the face, or any other limb of the body, including the pubic area. [The prohibition applies likewise to the Peiyos area.[466] Some suggest that the prohibition does not apply to the eyelashes or eye brows.[467]]

Mustache:[468] It is forbidden to trim mustache[469] during Shiva even if it interferes with eating.

Discovered Aveilus in middle of haircut:[470] If one discovered that his relative passed away in middle of a haircut, and he thus became an Avel [or Onen], he may complete the haircut. This ruling applies whether the Avel is the person giving the haircut, or is the person receiving the haircut. If, however, he is the person giving the haircut, then he may only finish it if there is no other barber in the city. [Some Poskim[471] rule the above allowance applies even if the haircut was not yet begun but one already sat down to receive the haircut and has the haircut garment placed on him.]

Cases of exception:[472] Although regarding Chol Hamoed the Sages made a list of exceptions of people who may cut their hair due to special circumstances, these exceptions do not apply towards Aveilus. If, however, another relative passed away, and he is thus sitting Shiva/Shloshim two consecutive times, then if one of the above listed exceptions of Chol Hamoed applies, he may cut his hair [after he completes the Shloshim of the first relative[473]] even if he is within Shiva of the second relative. He may cut his hair whether with a scissor or a razor. One who did not experience any of the above listed exceptions but had a relative pass away within the Shiva/Shloshim of the first relative, he may cut the ends of his hair in private[474] with a razor however not with a scissor.[475]

Combing the hair:[476] It is permitted for an Avel to comb the hair with a comb, even during Shiva. [This applies for both men and women.[477]]

Summary: A mourner, whether male or female, may not take a haircut or shave any part of his body throughout the Shiva [until after the Shloshim, and Shiur Gearah for a mourner of a parent].   Q&A on women May a woman cut her sideburns and other protruding hairs during Shiva?[478] No.   May women shave during Shiva?[479] No.   May a Mohel or Sandek cut his hair in honor of a Bris during Shiva?[480] No.   May one cut the hair of a child whose relative passed away?[481] Yes.

13. Cutting nails:[482]

It is forbidden for an Avel to cut his nails with a vessel [i.e. knife or scissor or nail clipper] during Shiva, up until the Shloshim.[483] [This applies to the nails of both the hands and the feet.[484] This applies for both a man and woman.[485] This applies even against having another person cut ones nails for him.[486] This applies even against cutting a single nail.[487]]

Cutting using one’s hands or teeth:[488] It is permitted to cut one’s nails [without an instrument such as through] using one’s hands or teeth. This applies even during Shiva.

May a Mohel cut his nails during Shiva?[489] It is permitted for the Mohel to cut his nails [that are used during the Mila[490], even with a vessel[491]] during Shiva for the sake of performing a Mila. If, however, there is another Mohel available, then it is forbidden [for him to cut his nails, even past three days from Shiva].

Q&A May one begin cutting the nails with a scissor, nail clipper, and then remove it using ones fingers or teeth?[492] Yes. May one cut his nails Erev Shabbos?[493] No. It is forbidden to cut the nails using a vessel even on Erev Shabbos during Shiva.   May one file his nails?[494] Yes. May an Avel cut another person’s nails?[495] Yes.

14. Marital relations:[496]

It is forbidden for an Avel to have marital relations [during Shiva[497]].[498] This applies whether the husband is in mourning, or the wife is in mourning. [An Avel who has marital relations during Shiva is severely punished.[499]]

Hugging and kissing:[500] One is to be stringent not to hug or kiss during Shiva.

Sleeping in same bed:[501] From the letter of the law it is permitted to for an Avel to sleep with his spouse on the same bed, so long as they are both clothed, him in his clothing and her in her clothing.[502] Nevertheless, one is to be stringent not to sleep with his spouse on the same bed at all.[503]

Harchakos:[504] [Other than the above] all the other laws of Harchakos [distances from one’s spouse while she is impure] do not apply during Shiva if one’s wife is pure. She may thus pour him a cup of wine; prepare his bed; wash his face, hands and feet; eat together from the same plate. This applies whether the husband is in mourning or the wife is in mourning.[505]

Yichud:[506] It is permitted for a couple to have Yichud during Shiva, with exception to a Chasan and Kallah in the circumstances to be explained next. Even if one became an Avel during Yom Tov, he is permitted in Yichud.[507]

Chasan and Kallah:[508] If a Chasan/Kallah became an Avel during their seven days of Sheva Brachos, in which case their Shiva begins after the seven days of Sheva Brachos, then if they already had marital relations prior to starting the Shiva, they follow the same restrictions as all other couples during the Shiva. Thus, Yichud is permitted between the couple. If, however, the Chasan or Kallah did not have marital relations during the seven days of Sheva Brachos, prior to entering the Shiva, then they are forbidden in Yichud throughout her days of Aveilus [i.e. Shiva] whether on Shabbos or Yom Tov. In a case that the Chasan/Kallah became an Avel prior to the Chuppah, and we nevertheless allow the Chuppah and marital relations to take place [see Chapter 13 Halacha 10], they are forbidden in Yichud from after the marital relations until the end of Shiva, for a total of 14 days.[509] Likewise some Poskim[510] rule that even other forms of Harchakos are forbidden [even if she is not Nidda], such as pouring wine for him and making his bed and washing his face, hands and feet and the like. Other Poskim[511] however rule that other forms of Harchakos are permitted [so long as she is not a Nidda]. See Chapter 13 Halacha 10 for the full details of this subject!

Summary: It is forbidden for an Avel to have marital relations [during Shiva]. One is also not to hug or kiss during Shiva, or sleep in the same bed. However, the other laws of Harchakos do not apply during Shiva if one’s wife is pure.   Q&A May one have marital relations with his wife if she was not yet told of her deceased relative?[512] If one’s wife was not told of the death of a relative for who she needs to sit Shiva, it is permitted for the husband to engage in marital relations with her, even if he is aware of the death of her relative.[513] [However some Poskim[514] limit this only to a case of her starting Aveilus upon receiving the knowledge of the relative’s death, such as if the relative died and was already buried. If, however, she will enter into a state of Aninus upon receiving this information, then marital relations are forbidden.] May one have marital relations on the seventh day after Shacharis? Some Poskim[515] rule it is permitted to have marital relations on the seventh day after Shacharis, once the Avel has gotten up from Aveilus. Other Poskim[516] rule the Avel may not have marital relations on the seventh day until nighttime, which is the start of the eighth day.[517]

15. Torah Study:[518]

A. The prohibition:[519]

It is forbidden for an Avel to learn Torah throughout the Shiva [with the exception of those parts of the Torah relating to mourning or sadness, as will be explained in B].[520] This prohibition includes Chumash, Navi, Kesuvim, Mishnah, Talmud, Halacha, Agadah [i.e. Midrash].

Thinking words of Torah: Some Poskim[521] rule that those subjects which are forbidden for one to learn, it is forbidden to learn them even in one’s thought, without verbalizing the words.[522] [Other Poskim[523] however rule it is permitted to think words of any subject of Torah so long as one does not verbalize it with his mouth. Practically, we rule like the first opinion.[524] One however is not obligated to remove from one’s mind a thought of Torah that came to his head, and only initially is it forbidden to think about the subject.[525]]

Shabbos:[526] It is forbidden for an Avel to learn Torah on Shabbos during the Shiva.[527] [This applies even towards set Shiurim that he normally learns on Shabbos.[528] However, some are lenient regarding set Shiurim that one learns every day or on Shabbos, that he may learn it on Shabbos during Shiva.[529]] See Chapter 20 Halacha 10 for the full details of this subject!

Children in Aveilus:[530] Children who are in Aveilus may learn Torah during Shiva.[531]

Q&A May one recite words of Torah in front of an Avel and may the Avel listen to the words of Torah being said?[532] It is permitted [and so is the custom[533]] for people to recite words of Torah in front of the Avel, and the Avel may even listen to the words of Torah being said.

Is a mourner/Avel allowed to read Shnayim Mikra?[534] Although a mourner is forbidden to learn Torah throughout the seven days of mourning[535], including Shabbos[536], nevertheless he is allowed to recite Shnayim Mikra[537] Echad Targum[538], on Shabbos.[539] He may not read it before Shabbos.[540] Some Poskim[541] rule he may not read the commentary of Rashi or any other commentary. However, one may look up a verse in English to understand its meaning. However other Poskim[542] rule he may learn the commentary of Rashi if he is accustomed to do so every Shabbos.   May a Bechor who is sitting Shiva on Erev Pesach go to a Shul to participate in a Siyum? See Halacha 17B in Q&A!

B. The permitted subjects of study:[543]

It is permitted for an Avel during Shiva to study the following subjects [that discuss tragedies and calamities]:

• Iyov[544] [and its commentaries[545]]
• Kinus
• The tragic parts in Yermiyah[546], [skipping those verses which deal with comfort[547] and those which mention the tragedies that will befall the gentiles.[548]]
• The laws of mourning [and the laws of the three weeks].
• [Midrash Eicha.[549]]
• [The third chapter of Moed Katan “Eilu Megalchin.”[550]]
• [The story of the Churban in Gittin pages 55b-58b.[551]]
• [Sanhedrin page 104b.[552]]
• [The story of the destruction in Josephus.[553]]

Learning with others:[554] It is only permitted for an Avel to learn the above subjects on his own. However, he may not learn them together with others.[555] Rather, he may have others learn the laws of Aveilus amongst themselves, and if they made a mistake in a Halacha, he is to answer them in a soft voice. He however may not address them questions. If, however, the Avel is needed by the public to teach them Torah, then he may even teach them other Halachos, let alone Hilchos Aveilus, as stated in Halacha C.

Delving deeply into a permitted subject:[556] It is forbidden for an Avel during Shiva to delve deeply into the permitted subjects of learning even in his thought [i.e. Iyun]. It is thus forbidden to look into various questions and answers relevant to the permitted subjects. He is to only learn the straightforward [i.e. Girsa] meaning of the subject.[557] [Some Poskim[558] however rule that while one may not initially set himself to learn a subject in depth, it is permitted to look into a matter if one needs to do so for better understanding, and discover a Chidush, Torah novelty.[559]]

Summary: A mourner is forbidden to study Torah, unless the subject pertains to mourning or to tragic events.   Q&A Is a mourner obligated in the Mitzvah of Talmud Torah, to learn the permitted subjects?[560] Some Poskim[561] rule that an Avel during Shiva is not obligated in Talmud Torah and it is merely permitted to learn the permitted subjects and not an obligation. Other Poskim[562], however, rule an Avel is obligated in Talmud Torah even during Shiva and hence he is required to spend his time learning the permitted subjects. The Rebbe concludes that an Avel is obligated to learn the permitted subjects of Torah during Tishe Beav [and Shiva] at every moment, just like the obligation of learning all subjects of Torah throughout the year.[563]   May an Avel learn Mussar/Chassidus/Kabbalah during Shiva? It is permitted for an Avel to study Chassidus and Kabbalah during Shiva.[564] It is likewise permitted for an Avel to study Sifrei Mussar which arouses his heart in repentance.[565] Furthermore, he is encouraged to do so specifically during these difficult days when his repentance is needed.[566] Some[567] however rule one is to be stringent on the first day of Aveilus not to learn even these subjects. Practically, the Chabad custom is to be lenient throughout Shiva.[568] May an Avel recite Tehillim during Shiva? Some Poskim[569] rule Tehillim may not be recited.[570] Other Poskim[571] rule it may be said. Practically, one is not to recite Tehillim other than the set Shiur of Tehillim that one reads daily after Davening, as explained below.  Perek 49/16:[572] The Avel is to recite Psalm 49/16 after Davening and conclude the last verse out loud prior to saying Kaddish Yasom. Tehillim of Chitas:[573] Tehillim of Chitas may be recited quietly after Davening, although the last verse is to be recited aloud by another person. Shabbos Mevarchim:[574] A mourner may recite Tehillim on Shabbos Mevarchim. May an Avel learn Chitas during Shiva?[575] One may quietly recite the daily Tehillim after Davening, having the last verse recited aloud by another person. Likewise, one may learn Chumash in private. Tanya may be learned, as is the ruling regarding learning all Chassidus. May an Avel study the daily Rambam during Shiva?[576] No, unless it discusses the laws of Aveilus. May an Avel recite Karbanos in Davening? Some Poskim[577] rule an Avel is not to recite the Parsha of Karbanos, Eizehu Mikoman, Pitum Haketores [or Parshas Akeida[578], or the Terumas Hadeshen[579]] during Shiva.[580] Other Poskim[581], however, rule an Avel may recite Karbanos and Pitum Haketores as usual. Practically, a mourner who is particular to say it every day is to say all the Karbanos and other parts of Davening.[582] [This, however, is with exception to the Yehi Ratzon which is said before the Parshas Hatamid and Eizehu Mikoman, and Ribono Shel Olam said after the Akeida, which are not said on all days that Tachanun is omitted, and is hence to likewise be omitted by the mourner.[583]] If an Avel discovered a Chidush while learning the permitted subjects, may he write it down? Some Poskim[584] rule it is forbidden to do so.[585] Other Poskim[586] rule it is permitted.[587] Practically, one may jot some notes of a Torah novelty if one suspects he may forget the novelty if it is not written down.[588]

C. Teaching others:

An Avel who gives public Shiurim to the community:[589] If an Avel is needed by the public for him to teach them, it is permitted for the Avel to teach them Torah. He may teach the public directly.[590] [This however only applies if another teacher is not available[591], or the public is unable to learn as properly from another teacher.[592] If, however, another teacher is available, it is forbidden to teach the public.]

An Avel who is a teacher for set Talmidim:[593] It is forbidden for a teacher to teach his students Halacha, and so is the custom, even though some Poskim[594] are lenient in this matter.[595] [This applies even if another teacher is not available.[596]] 

Melamed teaching children:[597] It is permitted for a Melamed who is sitting Shiva to teach children Torah.[598] Some Poskim[599] rule they may only be taught after the passing of the first three days of Shiva. Other Poskim[600] however do not mention such a limitation and permit teaching the children throughout the entire Shiva, even on the first day. Practically, one may be lenient even on the first day.[601] [This allowance applies even if another teacher is available.[602] However, practically, the custom is not to teach the children if another Melamed is available.[603]]

Answering Shaalos:[604] An Avel who is a Posek may give a Halachic ruling to an individual asking him a Shaala. However, this allowance only applies if there is no Posek available other than him, and he is thus needed to answer. [A Mara Deasra, Rav of a community, may thus answer Shaalos during Shiva, and he is even obligated to do so.[605]]

Q&A May a Rav arrange a Get during Shiva?[606] No, unless the matter is urgent and cannot be delayed.   May a Rav perform a Din Torah during Shiva?[607] No, unless the matter is urgent and cannot be delayed, such as if the defendant or plaintiff must leave town.

 

D. Getting an Aliyah:

See Chapter 18 Halacha 5C!

16. Simcha:[608]

It is forbidden for an Avel to rejoice during Shiva.[609] This prohibition includes various laws, some of which are explained here, while others are explained elsewhere. These include:

1. Reading, board games, and entertainment [Halacha A]
2. Holding a child [Halacha C]
3. Performing Kiddush Levana. [Chapter 18 Halacha 8]
4. Dancing [Halacha 20]
5. Listening to music [Halacha D]
6. Joining a Simcha meal. [Halacha 20]
7. Saying the Nussach of Havdalah. [Chapter 20 Halacha 14]

A. Reading, board games, and entertainment:

It is forbidden to read newspapers, magazines, [novels, science books, and the like]. This especially applies if one receives pleasure from reading it.[610] It is likewise prohibited to play board games.[611] [It goes without saying the one may not watch even Kosher movies and the like during Shiva. One must maximize the time of Shiva to mourn the deceased, and to honor his memory through holy thoughts and matters.]

 

Q&A May one play games such as cards, chess, and backgammon during Shiva?[612] No.[613]

B. Conversations:[614]

It is forbidden for the Avel to have lengthy conversations of enjoyment during Shiva.

C. Holding a child:[615]

An Avel is not to hold a baby in his chest throughout the Shiva.[616] [Some Poskim[617] however rule that this prohibition only applies if one will be holding the baby for an extensive period of time. After the Shiva, it is permitted to hold a child even though it remains prohibited for the Avel to rejoice.[618]]

Q&A May an Avel during Shiva hold a baby on Shabbos?[619] It requires further analysis if the above prohibition applies also on Shabbos. May an Avel during Shiva hold a baby in order to feed him, or do another chore with him? Yes.   May an Avel hold a baby in order to calm him down?[620] Yes. May an Avel sing a lullaby to a baby in order to calm him down?[621] Yes. May a comforter bring a baby to the Shiva home? One is to avoid doing so, if possible.

D. Music:^[622] 

It is forbidden for a mourner to listen to music during the period of Aveilus. This applies whether to live or recorded music. See Chapter 22 Halacha 16 for the full details of this subject!

17. Leaving the Shiva Home:[623]

A. The general rule:

An Avel may not leave the door of his home during Shiva.[624] This prohibition is in relation to leaving the house for purposes of relaxation/leisure to take walks, or to do business and the like. However, if he needs to go out for a very pressing reason, such as a government official has summoned him, or he needs to travel, or if he does not leave he will incur a monetary loss, then it is permitted for him to leave the house, and so is the custom.

At night:[625] An Avel during Shiva who is lenient to leave his home at night for a need, does not lose out [i.e. is permitted to be done]. [He, however, may only leave once people are no longer found outside at night.[626] It is certainly forbidden for him to leave simply to take a walk and enjoy the fresh air.[627]]

Shabbos:[628] An Avel during Shiva may leave his house on Shabbos to go to Shul or to the Beis Midrash. [However, he may not leave the house simply for purposes of leisure and pleasure.[629]]

Yom Tov: Yom Tov is never part of the week of Shiva [and hence the above question of leaving the home on Yom Tov during Shiva does not apply], as when Yom Tov begins Shiva formally ends, as explained in Chapter 27 Halacha 1.

Time of need:[630] As stated above, an Avel during Shiva may leave his house if he needs to go out for a very pressing reason.

                                                   

B. Leaving the home for the sake of a Mitzvah:[631]

Any Mitzvah that cannot be performed without the assistance of an Avel who is sitting Shiva, then it is permitted for the Avel to leave his home in order to perform the Mitzvah.

Shul-Minyan:[632] An Avel during Shiva may not leave his house to go to Shul or to the Beis Midrash, with exception to Shabbos. The Sephardim are accustomed to allow an Avel during Shiva go to Shul on any day in which the Torah is read [for the sake of the Torah reading].[633] However, in the Ashkenazi communities the custom is for the Avel to not leave his home [even for Torah reading, and rather they arrange a Minyan at his home] with exception to Shabbos, [as will be explained].[634] A son below Bar Mitzvah who is an Avel for a parent may go to Shul to say Kaddish.[635] See Q&A regarding if the Avel does not have a Minyan available at home and if he may then go to Shul!

Funeral/Nichum Aveilim:[636] An Avel during the first three days of Shiva may not leave his home to comfort another mourner, and may not go to a cemetery [for a funeral[637]]. From [sunrise[638] of] the third day and onwards, he may participate in the funeral of a neighbor and escort the body to the cemetery. When the Avel [during Shiva] pays a visit to another Avel sitting Shiva, he is to sit together with the mourners being comforted, and not by those who are comforting the mourners.[639] Practically, the custom today has become for the Avel not to visit a mourner during Shiva, or participate in a funeral throughout Shiva [even past the third day], and so is the proper practice [unless the deceased is a Gadol Beyisrael, or a close friend or relative, in which case he may attend past the third day[640]].[641] If, however, another close relative of the Avel passed away [for whom he is also required to sit Shiva], then he may leave his home to participate in the funeral.[642]  Likewise, if there are not enough people to participate by the funeral, he may attend.[643] [Thus, if ones father passed away, and then ones grandfather passed away in the same week of Shiva, then if the funeral is taking place after the morning of the third day of Shiva for the father, then all the relatives may attend even though they are in middle of Shiva. However, prior to morning of the third day, only the sons and daughters of the grandfather may attend, and not the grandchildren.]

Bris Mila: An Avel during Shiva may not leave the door of his home even for the sake of hearing the blessing of a Bris Mila.[644] If the Avel’s son is being circumcised during Shiva, he may leave his home to participate in the Bris [even if it is taking place on the first day of Shiva[645]], although he may only arrive for the Bris itself and must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place].[646] [All the other laws of Shiva continue to apply.[647]] [He however may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home, as explained in Halacha 20D.[648]]

Mohel:[649] If the Avel is a Mohel, he may leave his house to perform the Milah starting from after [sunrise[650] of] the third day of Shiva although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to perform a Bris, unless there is no other Mohel in the city, [in which case it is permitted for him to leave his home even on the first day of Shiva[651]].[652] It is permitted for the Mohel to cut his nails [even with a vessel[653]] during Shiva for the sake of the Mila. [It is however forbidden for him to cut his hair.[654]] If, however, there is another Mohel available then it is forbidden [for him to cut his nails, even past three days from Shiva]. [In all cases, he may not participate in the meal, as explained in Halacha 20D.[655]]

Sandek:[656] An Avel during Shiva may be honored with Sandakaus and be a Sandek by a Bris starting from after [sunrise[657] of] the third day of Shiva, although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal[658] and may not wear Shabbos clothing.[659]] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to be a Sandek by a Bris.

Chuppah:[660] An Avel during Shiva may not leave the door of his home even for the sake of hearing the blessings of a Chuppah.[661]

Summary: An Avel may not leave the Shiva home throughout the entire seven days of Shiva, with exception to Shabbos, in which case one may go to Shul or the Beis Midrash. In a time of need, one may go out at night, after the streets have emptied. In a very pressing situation, such as to prevent financial loss, one may go out even during the day.   Q&A May an Avel enter his porch, balcony, or front yard during Shiva?[662] If the porch, or balcony, is viewable to people outside, it is forbidden to do so. If the area is enclosed, or is out of the view of the public, [such as in the back of a house] it is permitted to do so. May an Avel enter his backyard during Shiva? If the area is enclosed and is thus out of the view of the public, it is permitted to do so. May an Avel who lives in an apartment building, dormitory and the like, leave his apartment, or room, during Shiva if he does not leave the building?[663] No. Thus, a yeshiva student who is sitting Shiva is to arrange a Minyan to take place in his room even though a Minyan is available in the Beis Midrash.   Q&A on how to travel In those cases that an Avel is allowed to go outside during Shiva, is he to walk alone? An Avel is not to walk alone during Shiva being that an Avel requires Shemira from danger.[664]  However, he is not to walk with a group.[665] In those cases that an Avel is allowed to go outside during Shiva, is he to walk, drive, take public transportation?[666] It is best for him to travel in the most inconspicuous way possible, such as through a private car, and not through walking in the streets, and certainly not through public transportation. When traveling during Shiva, must one continue to wear non-leather shoes? Yes. See Halacha 10B!   When traveling during Shiva must one continue to wear his torn shirt?[667] Avel for parent: One who is sitting Shiva for a parent, must wear a torn garment throughout the Shiva even when traveling. One may however borrow a non-freshly laundered/ironed garment from another person and wear it without performing Keriah. If this is not possible, and one is traveling through public transportation and feels embarrassed to wear a torn garment, one may change to a non-freshly laundered garment that was worn by them prior to the Shiva.[668] Avel for other relatives: One who is sitting Shiva for other relatives may change into another garment that is not freshly laundered/ironed. Q&A on cases of need May an Avel during Shiva travel to a different home to sleep?[669] If it is difficult for the Avel to sleep in the Shiva home, such as if there are not enough beds, he may go elsewhere to sleep. [Preferably, he is only to go late at night when other people are no longer around in the streets. He is to return to the Shiva home early in the morning prior to people coming out into the streets.[670]] May an Avel travel during Shiva in order to join the rest of his family who is sitting Shiva?[671] Yes.[672] May an Avel who traveled to a different city for the funeral, or to be with the other Aveilim for the beginning of Shiva, travel back home to his wife and children during Shiva?[673] No, unless it is a case of need.[674] [This applies even if the Avel desires to be in close proximity to his friends in order so they comfort him, as explained next.] May an Avel who is sitting Shiva in a relative’s home go back to his house if it is in the same city? No, unless it is a case of need. [This applies even if the Avel desires to be in close proximity to his friends in order so they comfort him, as explained next.]   May an Avel travel during Shiva in order to be in close proximity to his friends for the sake of them comforting him? No. This is unlike the allowance that some people practice today to travel to the area of the comforters.[675]  Practically, in a case of need a Rav is to be contacted.

May an Avel during Shiva travel home on Erev Shabbos in order to be with his wife and children for Shabbos?[676] He may travel starting from the time of Mincha Ketana. If his house is very far, then he may travel starting from midday. Initially, one is to travel in privacy by car or taxi, although if this is difficult to achieve [either due to monetary concerns or other reasons] then one may travel in public transportation and keep to himself during the journey. He is to remain wearing all of his mourning garb, especially when traveling prior to Mincha Ketana. May an Avel drive to someone’s house to pick them up for the sake of having a Minyan in the Shiva home?[677] Yes. May an Avel during Shiva leave his home, and visit his father, or mother, or other relative, in order to hide the Aveilus from them?[678] If not doing so can jeopardize the health of the relative, then it is permitted to do so. May an Avel during Shiva leave his home to participate in an important community meeting?[679] If the matter involves preventing a loss for himself, then it is permitted to participate.   May a Doctor who is an Avel visit patients during Shiva?[680] A doctor may visit an ill patient during Shiva. Some Poskim[681] rule it is permitted to do so even if there is another doctor available. Certainly, if the ill person is his personal patient, he may visit him during Shiva. He is however not to wear leather shoes upon making the visitation.[682] May a Hatzalah member who received a call leave his house during Shiva? Yes. May an Avel visit the doctor during Shiva?[683] An Avel who is ill may visit a doctor during Shiva. May an Avel during Shiva accompany his wife to give birth?[684] Yes. He however is to return home right after the birth and is not to return to visit his wife, or pick her up from the hospital. May a mother sitting Shiva travel home to nurse her baby? She may travel home to nurse if she is unable to arrange that her baby be with her in the Shiva home.

Q&A on cases of Mitzvah May an Avel leave his home during Shiva in order to retrieve his Tallis or Tefillin?[685] Yes.   May an Avel go to Shul during Shiva if a Minyan is not available at home?[686] Some Poskim[687] rule an Avel may not leave his home to go to Shul during Shiva even if he does not have a Minyan available at home and will be forced to Daven in private, and miss the saying of Kaddish. Other Poskim[688], however, rule it is permitted for an Avel to go to Shul during Shiva if a Minyan is not available in his home. Practically, one may be lenient to go to Shul to say Kaddish, and hear Kedusha and Barchu if he is pained over the fact that he will not be with a Minyan.[689] According to all opinions, an Avel may participate in a Minyan that is taking place in his courtyard [i.e. apartment building] if he is unable to arrange a Minyan in his home.[690] According to all opinions, the Avel is not to travel to a further distanced Shul if a closer Shul is available. Is the Avel to be Chazan when he Davens in a Shul during Shiva? Some Poskim[691] rule that he is initially not to be Chazan when Davening in a Shul during Shiva.[692] Practically, however, it is permitted to do so. In such a case, the Avel is to recite Elokeinu or Birchas Kohanim in his repetition.[693]     May a Kohen during Shiva leave his home to perform a Pidyon Haben?[694] A Kohen during Shiva may be honored by a Pidyon Haben with redeeming the first born, starting from after [sunrise[695] of] the third day of Shiva. However, he must Daven at home [and not where the Pidyon Haben is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal, as explained in Halacha 20E.[696]] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to perform the redemption of a Pidyon Haben. If, however, there is no other Kohen available, he may participate even on the first day of Shiva. May an Avel during Shiva be a Kevatar by a Bris?[697] An Avel may not leave his home during Shiva to participate as a Kevatar by a Bris. If, however, the Bris is taking place in his home then it is permitted for him or her to be the Kevatar. [He however may not participate in the meal, as explained in Halacha 20D.[698]] May a mourner/Avel leave his home to recite Kiddush Levana? See Chapter 18 Halacha 8! May a Bechor who is sitting Shiva on Erev Pesach go to a Shul to participate in a Siyum?[699] Some Poskim[700] rule it is forbidden to do so.[701] He is rather to redeem the fast with charity.[702] However, other Poskim[703] rule he may go to the Shul and participate in a Siyum Misechta. Alternatively, the Siyum is to take place in his house.

C. Is an Avel within Shiva to go to Shul for Selichos during Elul/Aseres Yimei Teshuvah?

An Avel that is within Shiva may not leave his home to recite Selichos with the Minyan.^[704] The Avel is either to recite Selichos privately at home or arrange for a Minyan to come to his home.^[705] [However, some Poskim^[706] rule that if a Minyan is not available in the home of the Avel, then he may go to Shul for Selichos and Shacharis.]

Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur: The above however is with exception to Erev Rosh Hashanah [and Erev Yom Kippur^[707]], in which case [in those areas that increase in Selichos^[708] and hence] the Selichos are lengthy, the Avel may go to Shul.^[709] [In such a case he may remain in Shul to Daven Shacharis with the congregation.^[710]] Nevertheless, even on these days, it is best to arrange for a Minyan in the house of the Avel rather than have the Avel go to Shul.^[711]

Q&A Is Selichos recited in the house of an Avel? See Chapter 18 Halacha 4D in Q&A!   May an Avel go to Shul for Mincha of Erev Yom Kippur?[712] An Avel within Shiva may go to Shul for Mincha of Erev Yom Kippur. [The Viduiy may likewise be recited by the Avel.[713]]

D. Is an Avel within Shiva to go to Shul on Purim?

An Avel is to go to Shul to hear the Megillah reading on Purim day and night.^[714]

Does the above apply if he has a Minyan available at home? The above only applies if he does not have a Minyan available at home for the Megillah reading. If, however, there is a Minyan available then he is not to leave his house to go to Shul.^[715] It is thus best for him to try to gather a Minyan at home.^[716] However, some^[717] rule that this only applies by the night reading, however by the day reading one may go to Shul to hear Megillah even if there is a Minyan available at home. [This ruling applies even for women who are within Shiva.^[718]]

May the Avel go to Shul also for the Davening, or only for the Megillah reading? At night, if one does not have a Minyan at home, he may only leave his house for the Megillah reading, however regarding Maariv, he is to Daven Maariv at home without a Minyan.^[719] However, for Shacharis, he may go to Shul for the entire Davening [if a Minyan is not available at home].^[720]

Purim that falls on Motzei Shabbos:^[721] When Purim falls on Motzei Shabbos, the mourner is to go to Shul for Mincha and remain in Shul for Maariv and the reading of the Megillah. [If, however, the mourner needs to go home for Shalosh Seudos, then he may not return to Shul for Maariv and Megillah reading unless a Minyan will not be available at his home for the Megillah reading, in which case he is to go to Shul before the conclusion of Shabbos, prior to Barchu, and remain in Shul until after the Megillah reading.^[722]]

E. May an Avel go to Shul on Tishe Beav?[723]

An Avel within Shiva may attend Shul on the night of Tishe Beav, and by day until the completion of the Kinus.[724] [He is not to go to Shul for Mincha.[725]] This applies even within the first three days of Aveilus.[726] However, some Poskim[727] are stringent that if the Avel is within the first three days of mourning, he is not to attend Shul. Others[728] say he is to only attend during the day and not at night.

Onen:[729] An Onen does not go to Shul on Tishe Beav until after the burial. [However Admur[730] rules that a son which is an Onen on his father may go to Shul and say Kaddish for his father.[731] Practically, so is the Chabad custom.[732] The Rebbe said Kaddish while he was an Onen for his mother, Rebbetzin Chana, and his wife, Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka.[733] Nevertheless, the Onen is to only participate in the Kaddish and is not to recite Kinus or any of the prayers.[734]]

18. Switching one’s seat:[735]

An Avel is to switch his seat [in his Shul[736]] throughout the first two weeks of Aveilus, up until the third week.[737] If he desires to switch seats also in the third week, he may do so.[738] Today, however, the Ashkenazi custom is to switch seats throughout the entire period of mourning, 12 months for the mourning of a parent and 30 days for the mourning of other relatives. Although this custom has no source, nevertheless, one is not to swerve from the custom, as every place is to follow their custom.[739] [The widespread Sephardi custom, however, is to be lenient, although some Sephardi communities are stringent.]

Shabbos: Some Poskim[740] rule that those Aveilim who are accustomed not to change their seats in Shul on Shabbos are doing the proper thing. [So was the custom of the Arizal.[741]] Other Poskim[742] however rule that even on Shabbos the Avel is to change seats [on the second Shabbos, and according to the custom, throughout the entire period of Aveilus, which is 12 months for a parent and 30 days for other relatives[743]]. Practically, so is the common custom [of Ashkenazi Jewry, and some Sephardic communities[744]] and one is not to swerve from the custom.[745] Some Poskim[746] however rule that this only applies if one arrived to Shul prior to the start of Shabbos, if however the Minyan already recited Kabalas Shabbos, then he is not sit in a different seat than usual.

Yom Tov: If one’s relative passed away on Yom Tov there is no need to switch seats on Yom Tov.[747] [However, if one started Shiva before Yom Tov, then whether one should switch seats on Yom Tov follows the same ruling as switching seats on Shabbos.[748] Some Poskim[749] however rule it is not necessary to switch one’s seating area on Yom Tov even according to the ruling of the Rama.]

Tishe Beav:[750] There is no need for the Avel to switch seats on Tishe Beav.

Onen:[751] An Onen is required to change his seat in Shul even though he is prior to the start of Shiva.

Chabad custom:

Many Chabad Chassidim are accustomed not to change their seating area on Shabbos, as rules the first opinion above.[752] The custom of Russian Jewry [including Chabad] was not to switch areas.[753] During the week, however, one is to switch seating areas in Shul throughout the period of Aveilus [at times that he is not Davening for the Amud] unless stated otherwise by one’s Rav.[754] 

Summary: An Avel is to switch his seat in Shul throughout the first two weeks of Aveilus, up until the third week. Furthermore, the custom is to switch seats throughout the entire period of mourning, 12 months for the mourning of a parent, and 30 days for the mourning of other relatives. It is disputed if an Avel is to change their seats in Shul on Shabbos or Yom Tov. Many Chabad Chassidim are accustomed not to change their seating area on Shabbos.   Q&A Is a woman who is an Avel to change her seating area in Shul? This follows the same ruling as men. When, however, she comes to Shul in the midst of Shabbos, she is not to change her seats, as explained above.   Must one change his seating area in his house or other area? Some Poskim[755] rule the Avel is required to change his set place of sitting even in his house [or other area in which he has a set seat, even if it is not a Shul[756]].[757] Nevertheless, the custom is not to make any seating changes in one’s house even during the first two weeks, and certainly not during the 12 months, and practically there is no need to be stringent in this matter.[758] Beis Midrash:[759] It is not necessary for one to switch his seating area in the Beis Midrash while learning. If one has a set standing area in Shul must he change his standing area? Some Poskim[760] rule he is not required to change his standing area. Other Poskim[761], however, rule he is required to do so. How far from one’s original seating area is one to sit? Some Poskim[762] rule he is to distance himself at least four Amos from his regular seating area [if doing so is physically possible[763]]. Other Poskim[764] rule it is not necessary, and so long as he sits in a different place than his set place, it is valid even if it is within four Amos. May one switch to a better seating area?[765] No. One is not to switch to a more important seating area, such as closer to the Aron/Mizarach, or to any other area that one would have switched to irrelevant of the Aveilus. Is the Rav of the Shul to switch seats?[766] Shabbos/Yom Tov:[767] The Rav of the city is not to change seats on Shabbos.[768] During the week: Some Poskim[769] write that the Rav of the Shul is not to switch seats even during the week, in order not to diminish the respect he is given by the community. However, he is to slightly move his seat during the week. Is an Avel for a parent who switches places for 12 months, to switch places also on the 1st Yahrzeit? Some Poskim[770] rule that one may return to his original place on the day of the Yahrzeit, starting from Maariv. Nevertheless, the custom of the world is to only switch back to one’s original place after the Yahrzeit.[771] After the conclusion of the period of Aveilus [30 days; 12 months] is one to return to his original seat?[772] It is not necessary to do so if one wishes to remain in his changed seat.

19. Public speaking:[773]

An Avel may not give [public[774]] speeches in the first three weeks of Aveilus.[775] However in the third week, if he chooses to speak, he may do so. Starting from the fourth week he is considered like any other person. In this regard, it is not required for 21 days to pass until one enters the fourth week, and rather the week in which Shiva began always counts as a full week even if the Shiva began in the middle of the week. After two more weeks pass, the 4^th week is considered to have begun.

20. Attending a Simcha; a Joyous meal and event during Shiva:[776]

See Chapters 22 and 23 for the detailed laws of attending a Simcha relevant to Shloshim and the 12 months. The following will discuss some cases relevant to the Shiva. Being that in any event the Avel may not leave his home, as explained in Halacha 17, these laws are mainly relevant in clarifying whether one may participate in a meal that is taking place in the Shiva home.

A. The prohibition:[777]

It is forbidden for a mourner to participate in a meal of any kind from the start of Aninus/Shiva until the conclusion of Aveilus after 30 days or 12 months.[778] This applies even more so during Shiva being that the Avel is forbidden from leaving his home during Shiva, as explained in Halacha 17.

B. Participating in a Seudas Mitzvah and other meals taking place in the Shiva home:[779]

Some Poskim[780] rule it is permitted for an Avel to participate in any Seudas Mitzvah that does not contain joy, such as a Pidyon Haben and Bris Milah even during Shiva, if it is taking place in the Shiva home. Other Poskim[781] rule it is forbidden for an Avel to participate in a meal of a Bris Milah [or any Seudas Mitzvah even if it does not contain joy]. Practically, the custom is to be lenient for a mourner [of even a parent[782]] to participate in any meal that is taking place inside of the Shiva home, that does not contain Simcha, such as a Seudas Bris Milah, and certainly other meals.[783] However, by a wedding meal, one is to be stringent not to participate even if it takes place inside the Shiva home.[784] [Some[785] however write that the above allowance to participate in a Bris Milah during Shiva only applies to a Baal Bris [see next], and not to any other relative who is an Avel, in which case he may not participate in the meal during Shiva even if it is taking place in his home. Others[786] however write that the allowance applies to all Aveilim in the home, although they should not sit at the table for the meal together with everyone else, and are rather to participate from a different area of the room. Practically, one may be lenient.]

Summary: A mourner during Shiva may be lenient to participate in any meal that is taking place inside of the Shiva home, with exception to a wedding meal. [He, however, is not to sit at the table for the meal together with everyone else, and is rather to participate from a different area of the room.]   Q&A on Shabbos On Shabbos, may an Avel during Shiva participate in a Simcha?[787] It is forbidden to participate in a meal even on Shabbos, unless his lack of participation will be considered public Aveilus [such as by close friends or relatives], or it is taking place inside of his home. On Shabbos, may one be invited as a guest, or invite others as guests, during Shiva?[788] Some Poskim[789] rule it is forbidden for an Avel to invite guests[790], or to be invited out as guests [for a meal] throughout his mourning period. However, on Shabbos, it is permitted to do so in an area that is accustomed to greeting Aveilim on Shabbos.[791] Practically, one is to be stringent on Shabbos Shiva not to invite guests over or be invited as guests.[792]

C. Wedding:

Chuppah:[793] An Avel during Shiva may not leave his home even for the sake of hearing the blessings of a Chuppah.[794]

Meal:[795] An Avel may not participate in the wedding meal even if it is taking place in his home.

Misader Kiddushin and saying the blessings under the Chuppah:[796] It is forbidden for a mourner to recite the blessings of Kiddushin, or Sheva Brachos [Nessuin], under the Chuppah. [This applies even if the Chuppah is taking place in his home.[797]]

Q&A May a relative attend a wedding during Shiva?[798] Parents: It is permitted for the father or mother of the Chasan or Kallah to participate in the wedding even during Shiva.[799] This includes attending the Chuppah, and being present by the meal and dancing, although they are not to eat during the meal, and are not to partake in the dancing. They are not required to do any Shimush by the meal. They may wear Shabbos clothing.[800] Grandparents: Some[801] write that grandparents may participate in the Chuppah if it is taking place outside the wedding area. They may not participate in the meal. All other relatives [siblings/uncles/aunts, nieces/nephews; cousins, brother/sister in-laws]: It is forbidden for other relatives to participate in the Chuppah or wedding during Shiva.   May an Avel attend a Sheva Brachos meal?[802] A mourner during Shiva may not attend a Sheva Brachos meal, even if there is no music being played, and it is taking place in the Shiva home, as explained next. Shabbos Sheva Brachos:[803] An Avel may not attend Shabbos Sheva Brachos during Shiva unless it will be public Aveilus if one does not attend, such as if it is taking place inside his home, or he is a close relative and is expected to come. May an Avel join a Sheva Brachos meal that is taking place in his home during Shiva? No.[804] However some[805] are lenient in this matter, although he should not sit at the table for the meal together with everyone else, and is rather to participate from a different area of the room.

D. Bris Milah:[806]

An Avel during Shiva may not leave the door of his home even for the sake of hearing the blessing of a Bris Milah.[807] He may certainly not participate in a Seudas Bris Milah taking place outside of the Shiva home.[808] This however is with exception to certain cases, as explained below. If the Avel is having a Bris take place in his home [i.e. the Shiva home], then he may participate in the Bris, and may even participate in the meal in his home, [although he is not to sit at the table for the meal together with everyone else].[809]

Father of son: If the Avel’s son is being circumcised during Shiva[810], he may leave his home to participate in the Bris [even if it is taking place on the first day of Shiva[811]].[812] [All the other laws of Shiva continue to apply.[813] He thus may not wear leather shoes[814] or Shabbos clothing[815], and may not receive an Aliya.[816] These laws apply both to the father and mother of the child.] Regarding if he should make a meal at all in honor of the Bris, some Poskim[817] rule he is not to have a festive meal made on the day of the Bris. Practically, this is not the custom, and rather the meal is made that day.[818] The Avel however may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home.[819] [He is thus to arrange for the meal to take place in his home [i.e. the Shiva home] and he may sit at the table during the meal.[820]]

Mohel:[821] If the Avel is a Mohel, he may leave his house to perform the Milah starting from after [sunrise[822] of] the third day of Shiva, although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home[823] and may not wear leather shoes or Shabbos clothing.[824]] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to perform a Bris unless there is no other Mohel in the city, [in which case it is permitted for him to leave his home to perform the Bris even on the first day of Shiva[825]].[826] [According to all, he may be a Mohel if the Bris is taking place in his home even within the first three days.[827]] It is permitted for the Mohel to cut his nails [even with a vessel[828]] during Shiva for the sake of the Mila. [It is however forbidden for him to cut his hair.[829]] If, however, there is another Mohel available, then it is forbidden [for him to cut his nails, even past three days from Shiva].

Sandek:[830] An Avel during Shiva may be honored with Sandakaus, and be a Sandek by a Bris, starting from after [sunrise[831] of] the third day of Shiva, although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home[832], and may not wear leather shoes or Shabbos clothing.[833]] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to be a Sandek by a Bris.[834] [Some Poskim[835] however rule that all the above is in a case that the Avel was offered to be the Sandek, however, initially, one is not to offer an Avel to be the Sandek even past three days into Shiva. Others[836] rule one may even initially offer him to be the Sandek. According to all, he may be a Sandek if the Bris is taking place in his home even within the first three days.]

Q&A May an Avel who is making a Bris for his son, make a Vacht Nacht meal during Shiva?[837] He is not to make a meal, although he may invite a Minyan of friends to read the portions of Zohar.   May the Avel have music playing during the Seudas Bris Milah of his son during Shiva?[838] No. May a Grandparent who is an Avel participate in a Bris Milah taking place for his grandson during Shiva?[839] No, unless the Bris is taking place in his home [i.e. the Shiva house that he is in] in which case he may participate even in the meal, as stated above.   May a brother or sister who is an Avel participate in a Bris Milah of the Bris of their brother or sister during Shiva? No, unless the Bris is taking place in his home [i.e. the Shiva house that he is in] in which case he may participate even in the meal, as stated above.   May an Avel participate in a Seudas Bris Mila meal that is taking place on Shabbos?[840] No, unless his lack of participation will be considered public Aveilus.   May an Avel be a Kvaterin by a Bris during Shiva?[841] No. If, however, the Bris is taking place in their home, he may be honored as a Kvaterin.

Shalom Zachar:[842] An Avel is not to participate in a Shalom Zachar during Shiva unless not participating will be public Aveilus. Father of child: The father of the child may make a Shalom Zachar meal even if he is within Shiva.

 

E. Pidyon Haben:[843]

An Avel may not participate in a Pidyon Haben if the meal is taking place outside his home. If, however, the meal is taking place inside of the home of the Avel, then the custom is to be lenient to participate.

Father and mother of child:[844] It is permitted for parents during Shiva to participate in the Pidyon Haben of their son. [All the other laws of Shiva continue to apply.[845] They thus may not wear leather shoes[846] or Shabbos clothing.[847] The father may say Shehechiyanu by the Pidyon.] They, however, may only participate in the meal if it takes place inside their home.

Kohen:[848] A Kohen during Shiva may be honored by a Pidyon Haben with redeeming the first born, starting from after [sunrise[849] of] the third day of Shiva. However, he must Daven at home [and not where the Pidyon Haben is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal.[850]] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to perform the redemption of a Pidyon Haben. If, however, there is no other Kohen available, he may participate even on the first day of Shiva.

 

F. Bar Mitzvah?[851]

Making for son: One is not to make a Bar Mitzvah meal for his son during Shiva. [The same applies for a Bas Mitzvah.]

Participating: An Avel may not participate in a Bar Mitzvah if the meal is taking place outside his home. If, however, the meal is taking place inside of the home of the Avel, then the custom is to be lenient to participate.

G. Upsherinish:[852]

Making for son: An Avel during Shiva may have other people cut the hair of his son in honor of his Upsherinish. He is not however to have a party by the event.

Participating: An Avel may not participate in an Upsherinish if the meal is taking place outside his home. If, however, the meal is taking place inside of the home of the Avel, then the custom is to be lenient to participate.]

H. Purim Party:^[853]

A mourner within Shiva may not leave his house on Purim, even to participate in an annual and communal Purim party. This applies even if music will not be played at the party.

Seuda in home of Avel:[854] An Avel may hold a Purim feast in his home and invite family and friends to join. If music is played each year by the feast, it is permitted for the music to be played even in the attendance of the Avel.[855]

21. Getting married during Shiva:[856]

*In the event that a relative of a Chasan or Kallah passed away before their wedding, and was not yet buried, see Chapter 13 Halacha 10 regarding in what cases they may delay the burial until after the wedding and in what cases the wedding must be delayed.

Wedding/Marriage: It is forbidden for an Avel to marry a woman [or a female Avel to marry a man] during Shiva. This applies even if a meal will not be taking place by the wedding.[857] This applies towards all Aveilim, even if the Avel has not yet fulfilled the Mitzvah of Peru Urevu, or has small children and is in need of a wife.[858] This applies even if one is already engaged and had already set a date for the wedding which falls during the Shiva, and delaying the wedding will cause a great loss.[859] See however below regarding if the father of the Chasan or mother of the Kallah passed away, and was buried before the wedding. [Regarding marrying during Shloshim and after Shloshim-See Chapters 22 Halacha 17 and Chapter 23 Halacha 15!]

Engagement:[860] It is permitted for a man who is an Avel to become engaged [i.e. Meshudeches/Tannaim/Kinyan] to a woman during Shiva. It is even permitted to do so on the day of death, [prior to the burial]. One however may not perform Eirusin/Kiddushin during Shiva.[861] [The same applies to a woman who is an Avel. One may hold a small gathering in the house of the Avel in honor of the occasion, without having a meal.]

Wedding was already set up: In the event that a relative of the Chasan or Kallah passed away before the wedding, the wedding must be postponed even in a case of great loss.[862] [If however the Chasan’s father, or Kallah’s mother passed away and the burial had to take place before the wedding, some Poskim[863] rule they may get married during the Shiva if delaying the wedding further will cause a great loss. Other Poskim[864] however rule it is forbidden to make the wedding during Shiva even in such a case.]

Summary: It is forbidden for an Avel to get married during Shiva. It is however permitted to become engaged [i.e. Meshudeches/Tannaim/Kinyan] during Shiva. In the event that the wedding was already set up and a relative of the Chasan or Kallah passed away and was buried before the wedding, the wedding must be postponed even in a case of great loss.

 

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[1] Michaber 380:1; Moed Katan 21a

[2] Rama ibid; Rashba 446

[3] See Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 20; Rav Poalim 1:51; Nitei Gavriel 1:1 footnote 1

[4] Zohar Vayakhel p. 129

[5] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6

[6] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6; Taz 398:2

[7] The reason: The prohibition of eating meat only applies prior to the burial when the mourner is an Onen, however during Shiva it is permitted to drink wine and eat meat. [Shach 378:7]

[8] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6; Taz 398:2

[9] The reason: The prohibition of drinking wine only applies prior to the burial when the mourner is an Onen, however during Shiva it is permitted to drink wine and eat meat. [Shach 378:7]

[10] Kesubos 8b, brought in Tur 378, “The Sages instituted 10 cups of wine to be drunk in the Shiva home”; The Tur ibid learns this Gemara literally that one is meant to drink wine and concludes “and so is the custom”; Beis Hillel 478 that for this reason even a Nazir in Aveilus may drink wine as it is a Biblical Mitzvah and obligation; See however Yad Avraham 378 who argues on his conclusion

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the above statement of the Gemara was not to be taken literally as an obligation but rather simply as a giving of permission. [Beis Yosef 378 in explanation of Rambam]

[11] The reason: As the whole purpose of creation of wine was to comfort mourners. [Eiruvin 65a, brought in Beis Hillel ibid]

[12] Setimas Michaber and Nosei Keilim in Shulchan Aruch; Beis Yosef 378 “The custom is not like this approach”

[13] Michaber ibid; Tur ibid in name of Ramban; Kesubos ibid “Since they saw people were drinking and getting drunk they amended their decree.”

[14] See Nitei Gavriel 92:1

[15] Elya Raba O.C. 224:7; Rav Akiva Eiger 376; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376 that so is the custom in these provinces; Aruch Hashulchan 376:11; Mishmeres Shalom Mem 60; Keser Shem Tov p. 684; Kaf Hachaim 224:46

[16] The reason: As there is a spirit of impurity that resides in the house of the Avel throughout the seven days. [ibid]

[17] Yosef Ometz p. 330; Noheg Katzon Yosef p. 50; Ikarei Hadaat 34:30; Chaim Bayad 125; Yabia Omer 4:35; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Nishmas Yisrael p. 130

[18] Nitei Gavriel ibid in name of Misgeres Hashulchan 376 and Even Yaakov 42

[19] Rav Eli Landa stated that his father was very careful in this matter, and so he saw accustomed amongst Chassidim to be careful; Rav Yeruslavsky stated the custom is to be stringent; Rav Gluchovsky stated the Chabad custom is to be stringent; Rav A.L. Hakohen told me the custom in all Ashkenazi circles is to be stringent in this.

[20] Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Rabbi Leibel Groner in a correspondence related that he witnessed in many Chassidishe homes to offer Lechayim and Mezonos after Shacharis.

[21] See Shivlei Haleket 23 that the adherence of not drinking form the cup of an Avel does not apply on Shabbos; See Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 21

[22] See Toras Menachem-Reshimos Hayoman p. 414 that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed the Rebbe to have Lechayim distributed only on the 7^th day. See Shulchan Menachem 5:282 footnote 5

[23] See Keser Shem Tov ibid

[24] See Nitei Gavriel 92:8; Pnei Baruch 10:12

[25] Bach 403 in name of Rokeiach; Shivlei Haleket 23; Mavor Yabok 35

[26] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[27] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[28] Shivlei Haleket ibid “In all these matters there is no need to be careful” a different Nussach reads “In all these matters it is proper not to be particular, as the verse states Tamim Tihyeh Im Havaya Elokecha.”

[29] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 113:11

[30] Maharam Shick Y.D. 363

[31] 387:1; Nitei Gavriel 108 [p. 564]; Pnei Baruch 17:3

[32] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1 in name of Rashal

[33] Michaber ibid; Tosfos Moed Katan 27

[34] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha

[35] See Aruch Hashulchan 387:3 in name of Rav Akiva Eiger; Ruach Chaim 387; Daas Kedoshim 387:1; Siddur Daas Kedoshim and Daas Torah 387; Gesher Hachaim 20:5-11 [p. 167]; Nitei Gavriel 108:1; Pnei Baruch 17:3; See regarding Tishe Beav: Mishneh Berurah 559:11; Kaf Hachaim 559:22

[36] See Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[37] Aruch Hashulchan 387:3; Nitei Gavriel 108:4; The Shach ibid extends a leniency of sitting on a cushion towards the old and sick. The Aruch Hashulchan takes this a step further and extends the leniency to sitting regularly.  

[38] The reason: As they are not doing so for pleasure but simply to remove discomfort.

[39] Poskim ibid

[40] Michaber 387:1; Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1; Rashal, brought in Taz ibid

[41] Shach ibid in name of Perisha; Taz ibid; See Leket Yosher p. 91; Hisorerus Teshuvah 193; Nitei Gavriel 88:3 footnote 3

[42] See Divrei Malkiel 92; Nitei Gavriel 88:3 footnote 4

[43] Michaber 387:1; Tur in name of Gemara

[44] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1 in name of Rashal

[45] Rama 376:1

[46] Aruch Hashulchan 376:4; Ramban in Toras Hadam; Rabbeinu Yerucham 25; brought in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 6

[47] The reason: As standing up in such a state of mourning is not considered a Hiddur. [Shvus Yaakov 3:26] Alternatively, because the Aveilim are busy. [Levush, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376] The practical ramification is regarding Tishe Beav. [Gilyon Maharsha ibid] Alternatively, because it is forbidden to tell the Avel to sit down. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]

[48] Teshuvah Meahava 3 376; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 7

[49] Michaber 376:2; Moed Katan 27b

[50] Nitei Gavriel 89:5 in name of Nimukei Yosef Moed Katan 27b and Daas Torah 376:2

[51] Siddur Daas Kedoshim; Taamei Haminhagim 864; Opinions in Daas Torah 387; Nitei Gavriel 108:2; Pnei Baruch 17:3

[52] The reason: As only when the item is within three Tefach from the ground is it considered like the ground itself.

[53] Adnei Paz 552; See Kaf Hachaim 552:40; Nitei Gavriel and Pnei Baruch ibid

[54] Daas Torah in name of Ramban in Toras Hadam; Ruach Chaim 387; Nitei Gavriel 108 footnote 4; See Gesher Hachaim p. 167 who does not write how low the stool must be; See Pnei Baruch ibid

[55] Maharash Shaar Aryeh; Birkeiy Yosef 552:8; Shaareiy Teshuvah 552:3 in name of Birkeiy Yosef ibid; Kaf Hachaim 552:39

Other opinions: From the Maharil brought in Beir Heiytiv 559:3 it is implied he held that one may sit directly on the ground. [Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid] Practically however one is to be stringent in this matter. [Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid; see P”M 559 A”A for how he explains the Maharil; See also next footnotes from Kaf Hachaim which differentiates between a tiled and earth floor]

[56] Shaareiy Teshuvah 552:3 in name of Birkeiy Yosef

[57] Kaf Hachaim ibid suggests that perhaps the above stringency of Kabala is only by an earth floor and thus there is no contradiction between the Maharil and the Maharash however he concludes “When possible one is to be stringent even regarding a tiled floor.”

[58] Michaber 387:1

[59] Maharam Merothenberg 549

[60] The reason: As the concept of Mita Kefuya has been nullified today, and hence just as we permit sleeping on a regular bed, so too we should allow sleeping on a regular bed.

[61] Perisha 387:1; See Divrei Yosef 61; Shemesh Tzedaka 10; Pischeiy Teshuvah 387:1 that an Avel may sit regularly for the Seudas Hamafsekes on Erev Yom Kippur because its Erev Yom Tov, hence implying that in general one may not sit down even during the meal.

[62] Mishnas Yaakov 3:193; See Nitei Gavriel 108:6 and 118 footnote 21 that one may be lenient if it is difficult to eat on a low stool

[63] Heard from Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen that so he witnessed

[64] Nitei Gavriel 108:4

[65] Daas Kedoshim 387; Nitei Gavriel 108:3

[66] Shulchan Aruch 387; Nitei Gavriel 1:108 [p. 564]; Pnei Baruch 17:2

[67] Michaber 387:1; Moed Katan 15a

The reason: An upside-down bed places the mattress directly on the floor and makes the person feel the hardness of the ground while sleeping. This is all done as a sign of mourning and so on.

[68] Michaber 387:1

[69] Michaber 387:2

The reason: As the gentiles may suspect that one is doing sorcery by turning over the beds [and come to kill the Jew]. Alternatively, the reason is because the beds of today are made differently than the beds of the past, and there is hence no recognizable “Kefiya” that occurs by turning it over. [Michaber ibid] Seemingly, the explanation is as follows: The beds of the old times were mats that sat on legs and had no back or front. The mat hence hovered in the air and provide softness for the person sleeping. When one turned over the bed the mat now rested on the ground and hence one would feel the hardness of the ground. The modern beds however have a front and back panel that cause the mattress to hover over the ground when it is turned over.

[70] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1 in name of Rashal; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:91; Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 387 writes that it is nevertheless permitted to place sheets and blankets on the floor upon sleeping on it.

[71] Panim Meiros 2:119, brought in Birkeiy Yosef 387:1; Pischeiy Teshuvah 387:1; Gilyon Maharsha ibid; Ikarei Hadaat 36:26; Poskim in Pnei Baruch ibid footnote 17 and Nitei Gavriel 108 footnote 12

[72] The reason: As in these generations we are all considered ill and weak regarding this matter. [Poskim ibid]

[73] Beir Heiytiv 387:1; Panim Meiros ibid; Pnei Baruch ibid; Nitei Gavriel 108:8

[74] Rav Akiva Eiger 387, in name of Beis Yosef, in name of Rabbeinu Yerucham; Rivash; Darkei Moshe 387:3; Aruch Hashulchan 387:3; See Nitei Gavriel 108:11

[75] Daas Torah 387 in name of Rivash; Pnei Baruch 17 footnote 8

[76] Nitei Gavriel 108:12

[77] Totzos Chaim p. 132; Kesubos 103a; Nitei Gavriel 92:7

[78] The reason: Seemingly this is done out of respect for the Niftar and to emphasize his presence in the home.

[79] Totzos Chaim p. 132 based on Kesubos 103a; Nitei Gavriel 92:7

The reason: Seemingly this is done out of respect for the Niftar and to emphasize his presence in the home.

[80] Mishmeres Shalom Chaf:18; Pnei Baruch 17 footnote 9

[81] Ruach Chaim 387

[82] The reason: As the entire purpose of turning over the bed is so one diminish in sleep and remember his state of mourning. [ibid]

[83] Nitei Gavriel 108:13

[84] Shulchan Aruch chapter 385; Chochmas Adam 165:12; Kitzur SHU”A 210:6; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 1 107 and Vol. 2 11; Pnei Baruch 16:10-14

[85] Literally “Sheilas Shalom/Ask peace”

[86] Michaber 385:1; Moed Katan 15a

[87] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan 21b

[88] Michaber 385:1; Moed Katan 15a

[89] Nitei Gavriel 107:1

[90] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan ibid

[91] Although by Tishe Beav we rule that one is to answer back quietly and in a mournful tone, seemingly by an Avel after three days we are more lenient. [Nitei Gavriel 107 footnote 1]

If the person knows he is an Avel: If one greets the Avel despite knowing that he is an Avel, some Poskim rule he is not to be answered at all, even after three days. [Daas Torah 385 in name of Imrei Baruch; See Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 28]

[92] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan ibid

[93] The reason: As they are found in a peaceful state. [Michaber ibid]

[94] The reason: As he is not found in a peaceful state.

[95] Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:4

[96] See Rama ibid regarding 12 months [brought next] and Aruch Hashulchan 384:1 that people are lenient even within Shloshim; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:6

[97] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan ibid

[98] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan ibid; See Tzitz Eliezer 8:33 regarding why this does not contain Lifnei Iver

[99] Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:4

[100] Shach 385:1

[101] Rama ibid; Taz 696:3; Beir Heiytiv 385:2; P”M 696 M”Z 3; Kitzur SHU”A 210:6; See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:5 footnote 9 and 13

The reason: There is no basis behind their custom unless one differentiates and says that the greetings of today are not considered like the greetings of back then. [Rama ibid] This, however, is not a justifiable reason, as according to this reason one should be able to greet the mourners even within Shloshim, and we have not found any Posek who is lenient in this matter. [Shach 385:2; See also M”A 554:21; Rav Akiva Eiger 385:1] Some Poskim however justify this custom based on the fact that majority of today’s greetings do not involve saying the word Shalom but rather simply good morning and the like, and these greetings are not prohibited under Sheilas Shalom. [Beir Heiytiv 385:2 and Gilyon Maharsha ibid based on Admur 89:3 and Beis Yosef in name of Riy; Likewise, the Darkei Moshe 89 states that it is only considered Shalom if one mentions Hashem’s name] This allowance however only applies after the Shloshim. [See Elya Raba O.C. 554:20; See Q&A!]

[102] Elya Raba O.C. 554:20; Leket Yosher p. 110; See Beir Heiytiv 385:2 in previous footnote! See Chochmas Adam 165:12; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:6 footnote 10-11 and 13

Other opinions: Some Poskim argue on the above leniency and rule that all forms of greetings are forbidden. [Shach 385:2; M”A 554:21; Lechem Hapanim 343:2] Practically the custom is to be lenient. [Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[103] Rama 385:1; Nemukei Yosef; Hagahos Maimanis; Mordechai; Chochmas Adam 165:12; Kitzur SHU”A 210:7

[104] The reason: As he is doing so out of respect of the public, and greetings of such nature are permitted. [Rama ibid]

[105] Gesher Hachaim 21:7-3

[106] Michaber 385:3; Chochmas Adam 165:14; Kitzur SHU”A 210:8; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:10

[107] If one who is accustomed to greeting Aveilim on Shabbos visits a different community for Shabbos, he may greet the Aveilim of that community. [Shach 385:4 based on Yerushalmi and Poskim that Rav Oshiya Raba greeted the Aveilim of a different community despite not knowing their custom.]

[108] Gesher Hachaim 21:7-4

[109] Nitei Gavriel 107:6 footnote 7 as it’s not really a Sheilas Shalom and avoiding doing so appears like public mourning.

[110] Makor Chaim 696; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:10

[111] Michaber 385:3; Chochmas Adam 165:14; Kitzur SHU”A 210:8; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:9

Other opinions: The Maharil did not wish Good Shabbos to any of the congregants when he was in Aveilus. [Maharil Semachos]

[112] Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 165:14; Kitzur SHU”A 210:8; Nehar Mitzrayim 124; Nitei Gavriel 107:5; 11:9; Pnei Baruch 16:12

[113] Michaber ibid; Tur; Kesef Mishneh

The reason: As this is included in the public matters of mourning that may not be kept on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid]

[114] Gesher Hachaim ibid

[115] Leket Yosher 110; See Beir Heiytiv 385:2 and Gilyon Maharsha [regarding after Shloshim], that good morning is not considered Sheilas Shalom, as can be learned from Admur 89:3 and Beis Yosef in name of Riy; Likewise, the Darkei Moshe 89 states that it is only considered Shalom if one mentions Hashem’s name; See Beir Moshe 4:100

[116] Maharam Shick 370; So rule regarding Tishe Beav: Elya Raba 554:20; P”M 554 A”A 21; Shaareiy Teshuvah 554:16; M”B 554:41; Kaf Hachaim 554:90

[117] Gesher Hachaim 21:7-5; p. 225; Betzeil Hachochmah 5:75; Nitei Gavriel 107:2; See Pnei Baruch 15 footnote 27

[118] Ritva Moed Katan 27b; Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 27; Nitei Gavriel 89:7

[119] Ritva Moed Katan 27b

[120] Salmas Chaim 422

[121] Har Tzevi 290; Pnei Baruch 16:14

[122] Gesher Hachaim 21:7-7; Salmas Chaim 4:134; Nitei Gavriel 89:2 and 107:3; Pnei Baruch 15:14

[123] The reason: As blessing a person is not considered Sheilas Shalom. [Poskim ibid]

[124] Poskim in previous Q&A

[125] Mateh Moshe Nichum Aveilus; Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 34; Nitei Gavriel 89:7

[126] Shaareiy Ephraim ibid; Beis David 391 [Bistritzky; however see what he wrote in 376]; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 37:11 and 107:8

[127] Rivivos Ephraim 5:557; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:7

[128] Aruch Hashulchan 385:4

[129] Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:8

[130] Rama 385:3 regarding Avel for parent; Maharil 31; Kitzur SHU”A 212:2 adds all Aveilim for Shloshim; Nitei Gavriel 14:9

[131] See Admur 306:15; M”B 306:33

[132] So rules regarding Tishe Beav: M”A 554:21; M”B 554:41 in name of Achronim; Nitei Gavriel 107:9

The reason: As this is similar to greeting someone which is forbidden to be done during Shiva. [ibid]

[133] Tzitz Eliezer 8:33

[134] Hisorerus Teshuvah 355

[135] Kaf Hachaim 554:91

[136] Shulchan Aruch Chapter 380; Nitei Gavriel chapter 103 [p. 534]; Pnei Baruch chapter 13

[137] Michaber 380:1; Braisa Moed Katan 21a; 15b

The reason: This is learned from the verse “And he turned over your festival to mourning”, just like Melacha is forbidden during the festival, so too it is forbidden during Aveilus. [Moed Katan 15b] The reason this was forbidden is in order so one does not remove his mind from the Aveilus. A person is to mourn over the death of a relative and repent for his ways. [Ramban in Toras Hadam; See also Ramban Emor; Chasam Sofer E.H. 2:173]

[138] Michaber 380:10 “All the Melachos that were permitted during Chol Hamoed for the sake of the Moed may not be done during Shiva for the sake of Shiva.” This means that all those Melachos that were not permitted during Chol Hamoed due to a case of loss, but rather only due to it being a need for the Moed, there is no allowance to do during Shiva. [Shach 380:11]

[139] Taz 380:1 in name of Kol Bo; Beis Yosef in name of Rabbeinu Yerucham; Shivlei Haleket 35; Tanya Rabasi 65; Birkeiy Yosef 380:2 in name of Rash son of Rashbatz

[140] Shivlei Haleket ibid; Tanya ibid

[141] 380:2-4

[142] Michaber 380:3; Rambam; See Michaber 380:23 regarding one who traveled for business and is sitting Shiva in his destination if he may do business during Shiva

[143] Michaber 380:16; Regarding if he may hire someone else to take his place in work and receive the payment from his boss, see Michaber ibid that he may do so; However, see Shach 380:17 that this applies only in a case of loss

[144] See Michaber 380:14-15

[145] Michaber 380:17

[146] Rama 380:17; See Shach 380:19 for the opinion of Levush that this is permitted even not in a case of loss.

[147] Rama ibid

[148] Michaber 380:21

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for the partner to do Melacha even in private. [See Shach 380:23 that the Rambam and Rif do not differentiate between public and private; Mishkanos Yaakov 68, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:5]

The law if a partner dies: If a partner dies and the inheritors are not mourners, it is permitted for the business to remain open throughout the Shiva. If, however, the inheritors are mourners it is disputed in Poskim as whether the partner may open his business during the Shiva. [See Pnei Baruch 13:27 footnotes 64-65; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 36]

[149] Aruch Hashulchan 380:27

[150] Custom of Prague community, brought in Shev Yaakov 63; Gilyon Maharsha 490; Daas Torah 380; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 6; Chelkas Yaakov 1:131; Pnei Baruch 13:28; See however Chasam Sofer 324, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:4, that it is improper to do so once the Aninus has begun; See Beis Lechem Yehuda 380; Maharash Engle 4:83

Making a stipulation with the partner: See Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:6 that it does not help to precondition with the partner that he will make all the money during the event of Shiva, as it is still Maaras Ayin towards others who see the business operating as usual.

[151] Daas Torah ibid

[152] Rashal 66, brought in Beis Lechem Yehuda 380 and Rav Akiva Eiger

[153] Chochmas Adam 164:16 and Matzeivas Moshe 4; Gesher Hachaim 21:2-7; Pnei Baruch 13:24

[154] Michaber 380:2; See Pnei Baruch 13:1 footnote 1-5

[155] Michaber ibid; Tur in name of Rosh; See Bach 380, Aruch Hashulchan 380:9, Pnei Baruch 380 footnote 2

The reason: As the soul of the deceased hovers over the body for the first three days. After the passing of three days, when the soul sees the change of look of the face of his body, he no longer comes to visit it. [Yerushalmi, Pnei Baruch 13 footnote 1] Alternatively, the reason is because the first three days are days of crying. [Rabbeinu Yerucham in name of Raavad]

[156] Kesef Mishneh in opinion of Rambam, brought in Beir Hagoleh 380:24, Aruch Hashulchan 380:33

[157] Michaber 380:25

[158] The reason: As this is similar to a joyous occasion, as he travels with a large caravan and they rejoice a lot on the way. [Michaber ibid]

[159] Michaber 380:25; Yerushalmi end of Moed Katan

[160] The reason: As this is similar to a joyous occasion, as he travels with a large caravan and they rejoice a lot on the way. [Michaber ibid]

[161] Michaber 380:5; Braisa in Avel Rabasi; Implication of Moed Katan 11b

The law if the Avel is in a different city and was not notified of the passing: Some Poskim rule that so long as the Avel was not notified, such as he is out of town and cannot be reached, the family may continue to run the business, being that the Avel has not started Aveilus. [Zekan Aaron 61; Dvar Moshe 61; Gilyon Maharsha 380; Birkeiy Yosef 380; Aruch Hashulchan 380:30; Pnei Baruch 13:26 in name of many Poskim; Nitei Gavriel 103:18] In such a case however it must be public knowledge that the Avel has not yet started Aveilus. [Machaneh Chaim 3:25]

Must the Avel notify his family/workers of the passing: Some Poskim rule the Avel is not required to notify his family, who work in his business, of the passing if he is in a different city. [See Heishiv Moshe 58; Maharsham 3:359; Pnei Baruch 13 footnote 61

[162] Michaber 380:4

[163] Rama ibid; Mordechai

[164] Michaber 380:10

[165] Michaber 380:13

[166] Michaber and Rama 380:18

[167] Shach 380:20 in name of Rabbeinu Yerucham; See however Beir Heiytiv 380:14 that some Poskim rule it is permitted for the Melamed to teach children in the house of the Avel.

[168] Shach 380:21

[169] Michaber 380:19; See Michaber 380:20 regarding a field

[170] See the coming Halachas regarding housework.

[171] Michaber 399:1

[172] Michaber 399:2

[173] The reason: As since the mourner has already abstained from doing work throughout the seven days of the Holiday, due to it being Chol Hamoed, it is considered as if he already mourned and abstained from work on behalf of the Shiva, and hence we are not stringent upon him to forbid other people from doing work on his behalf, as we rule regularly. Now, although the reason for his abstinence from work had nothing to do with the mourning, but rather due to the holiday, nonetheless, since at the end of the day he did not do work, therefore we are lenient. [Michaber ibid]

[174] Michaber O.C. 548:6; Y.D. 399:2

[175] At first the Michaber ibid writes death but later clarifies himself to mean burial

[176] The reason: As since the mourner has already abstained from doing work throughout the seven days of the Holiday, due to it being Chol Hamoed, it is considered as if he already mourned and abstained from work on behalf of the Shiva, and hence we are not stringent upon him to forbid other people from doing work on his behalf, as we rule regularly. Now, although the reason for his abstinence from work had nothing to do with the mourning, but rather due to the holiday, nonetheless, since at the end of the day he did not do work, therefore we are lenient. [Michaber ibid]

[177] Elya Raba 548:6; Chochmas Adam 169:2; M”B 548:24; Kaf Hachaim 548:31; Nitei Gavriel 119:22

[178] Michaber 380:3-6, 8, 9

[179] Michaber 380:4; Moed Katan 11

[180] Daas Kedoshim 380; See Maharshag 1:26; Nitei Gavriel 103:20

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted for one’s wife to perform Melacha, as she can say that she is doing it on her own behalf. [Dvar Moshe 1:71; Beis David 180]

[181] This refers to children of all ages that are still supported by their parents, in which case their earnings belong to the parent. [Shach 380:3]

[182] Michaber 380:4; Braisa in Avel Rabasi; Ramban in Toras Adam; See Pnei Baruch 13:5; Nitei Gavriel 103:20

[183] Michaber 380:5

Example of case of loss by selling products: If one has produce, or merchandise, that must be sold during Shiva otherwise he will incur a loss on even the cost price of the product [i.e. Keren], then others may sell the products for him. If, however, he will not lose the cost price of the product but will simply lose ability to profit from the sales, it remains forbidden to sell the product. If, however, there are merchants passing through the town who will no longer be available after the Shiva, and they are offering to pay a lot of money for the products, then it is permitted to have others sell them ones merchandise even for the sake of profit alone. [Michaber 380:6; See Shach 380:7]

Example of case of loss by buying products: If there are merchants passing through the town who will no longer be available after the Shiva, and they are offering to sell products for very cheap, then it is permitted to have others buy the merchandise on one’s behalf even for the sake of profit alone. [Michaber 380:6] The reason for this is because it is not common to have this occur. [Shach 380:7] See Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:3 regarding if this applies to a job opportunity.

Case of loss for buyer: If by the Avel delaying the sale to a certain buyer it will cause the buyer a case of loss, it is permitted for the seller who is an Avel to sell him the product through others. [Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:2; Matzeivas Moshe 7, brought in Gilyon Rav Akiva Eiger 380]

[184] The reason: As troublesome Melacha was only forbidden during the Moed due to the honor of the Moed, however during the Shiva, why would it matter if others do troublesome Melacha. [Shach 380:4] 

[185] Opinion in Rama 380:5; Tur in name of Ramban and Rosh; Rabbeinu Yerucham

[186] Shach 380:5

[187] Rama ibid

[188] Shach 380:6

[189] Rama 399:2

The reason: As during Chol Hamoed it is forbidden even for others to do Melacha and hence there is no reason to prefer others to do the Melacha for him in a case of loss. [Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[190] Michaber 380:24; Moed Katan 22b; Chochmas Adam 164:18; See Aruch Hashulchan 380:33

[191] Chasam Sofer 324, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:4; See also Dudaeiy Sadeh 49; Minchas Elazar 1:76; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 22:2 footnote 6

[192] The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to sell his products and hence how can one allow him to sell his business. Furthermore, everyone knows that the entire sale is a trick as after the Aveilus the friend will sell back the business to the Avel. [Chasam Sofer ibid]

[193] Chasam Sofer ibid; Chelkas Yaakov 1:131; See also Divrei Shaul 381

The reason: As it is usually considered a Davar Haaveid, as well as that some Poskim permit Melacha during Aninus, and it is better that they do it by mistake than on purpose. [Chasam Sofer ibid]

[194] See Michaber and Rama C.M. 195:1

[195] See Teshuvah Meahava 3:341; Maharsham 3:318; Nitei Gavriel 22:7

[196] See Chochmas Adam 164:5

[197] Aruch Hashulchan 380:10

[198] Michaber 380:4

[199] Daas Kedoshim 380

[200] Nitei Gavriel 103 footnote 28

[201] The reason: Although it is forbidden for one’s family members to work if their proceeds go to the father/husband [see Michaber 380:4] nevertheless, in this case it is permitted being that the wife is in truth earning her own money and is simply giving it as a present to her husband. Likewise, it may even be done in public if she is not working at her husband’s business, as the work she does is not related to her husband. [ibid]

[202] Nitei Gavriel 103:3

[203] One is obligated to pay a debt on time, and hence certainly the Mitzvah obligation allows one to have others do so for him.

[204] See Rama and Shach 380:2 regarding writing

[205] Michaber 380:7

[206] The reason: As this is a case of Davar Haaveid. [ibid] As if the clients borrow money from a different person during the Shiva, they may permanently remain the clients of the new loaner. [Shach 380:8]

[207] Michaber 380:8

[208] The reason: As such a case is deemed a case of loss. [Shach 380:9]

[209] See M”B 539:3; Chochmas Adam 164:6

[210] Rama 380:2; Rashba 446

[211] Shach 380:2

[212] Kitzur SHU”A 208:7

[213] Aruch Hashulchan 380:10; Teshuvah Meahava 3:412; Nitei Gavriel 103:8

[214] See Beis Yosef 380 in name Tashbatz and Kol Bo in name of Maharam; See Pnei Baruch 13 footnote 8

[215] Michaber 380:9

[216] Michaber 380:22; Avel Rabasi 11; See also 378:7 and Moed Katan 27a [regarding a Beis Havel]

[217] The reason: As all actions that are done for the cleanliness of the home is not considered a Melacha for the Avel. [Nimukei Yosef Moed Katan 24a; See Taz 380:1 that it is not real Melacha] The reason for this is because housework is a basic necessity, and not every Avel can afford to hire workers to do it for them. [Levush 380:22]

[218] Michaber ibid and 378:7 and Moed Katan 27a [regarding a Beis Havel]; Shevet Halevi 6:244; Siach Yitzchak 475; Nitei Gavriel 103:21; Vol. 2 13:1

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule an Avel may not mop the floor during Shiva. [Meishiv Devarim 215; See Kerem Shlomo 381] Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 29 concludes the custom is to only mop the dirty areas.

[219] Michaber ibid and 378:7 that one may wash all forms of dishes and pots

[220] Michaber ibid; Maharik Shoresh 55

[221] Rama ibid; Kitzur Shu”a 208:14

[222] Aruch Hashulchan 380:32; See Zera Emes 2:150; Chochmas Adam 164:12; Pnei Baruch 13 footnote 34

[223] See Daas Kedoshim 380:13

[224] Michaber 380:22; Terumos Hadeshen

[225] The reason: Although in general we rule it is forbidden for an Avel to perform Melacha during Shiva, and if he is a hired worker, he is to take a leave of absence during Shiva [Michaber 380:16], nevertheless in this case it is permitted being that housework is not a true Melacha. [Taz 380:1]

[226] Taz ibid

[227] Taz 380:1

[228] Lachmei Toda 7, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:8; Zera Emes 160; Ikarei Daat 11:16; Daas Torah 380:22

[229] Nitei Gavriel 103:14 in name of Daas Kedoshim 380:7 and 13

[230] Nitei Gavriel 103:14 in name of Daas Kedoshim 380:7 and 13

[231] See Shevet Halevi 6:244; Nitei Gavriel 103:22; Piskeiy Teshuvos 287 footnote 16

[232] Yosef Daas 380; Nitei Gavriel 103:7; Pnei Baruch 13 footnote 3

[233] Taz 380:1 in name of Rashal in name of Aguda

[234] See Shvus Yaakov Y.D. 1:86; Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:1; Teshuvah Meahava 3:412

[235] Shvus Yaakov ibid; Gilyon Maharsha 380

[236] See Michaber 545:3; Halef Lecha Shlomo 311; Nitei Gavriel 103:10-11; Pnei Baruch 13:13

[237] The question here is whether typing on Chol Hamoed is considered a Maaseh Uman, or a Maaseh Hedyot- and thus permitted?

[238] So rule regarding Chol Hamoed: Beir Moshe 7:39; Rav Farkash in his sefer writes that its permitted to type for all reasons [Thus would even be permitted if not for need of moed?] , even in Hebrew, even in ksav ashuris, as the letters on a screen are not real letters but are forms of lights, which is not considered writing.

[239] As it involves no effort

[240] Chol Hamoed Kehalacha

[241] Nitei Gavriel 103:25

[242] See Nitei Gavriel 103:25; Pnei Baruch 13:14

[243] Gilyon Maharsha 380

[244] Beir Heiytiv 1:27 in name of Beis Yaakov 58; Mordechai Chulin; See Gilyon Maharsha ibid that this is due to his pain which may cause him to Treif the animal

[245] Chochmas Adam 164:12; Matzeivas Moshe 7

[246] Gilyon Maharsha 380 based on Shvus Yaakov 1:86

[247] Minhagei Worms p. 103; Chavos Yair; Nitei Gavriel 103:27

[248] Shulchan Aruch chapter 381; Nitei Gavriel 105:5; Pnei Baruch 14:1-5

[249] Michaber 380:1; 381:1; Moed Katan 15b; Taanis 13b

The reason: The verse states that that Yoev sent a message to a woman in Aveilus and told her not to anoint herself with oil. Now, just as an Avel is forbidden to anoint, so too he is forbidden to bathe, as we never find a differentiation in this matter. [Beis Yosef 381]

[250] Michaber 381:6

[251] Michaber 381:1; Taanis 13b

[252] Michaber 381:1; Taanis 13b

[253] Some Poskim rule that this includes the entire length of the arm. [Ashel Avraham Tinyana 551:16; Nitei Gavriel 8:5]

[254] Some suggest that this includes the entire hand and entire head is included in this allowance. [See Nitei Gavriel 105 footnote 1 in name of Ashel Avraham of Butchach]

[255] Darkei Hachaim 11:1; Nitei Gavriel 105:4; Rama and Admur 326:1 regarding Shabbos that all limbs of minority of one’s body are included in the allowance: Rama and Admur 326:1

[256] Michaber 381:1; See regarding Yom Kippur: Admur 613:1 regarding dirt and 614:1 regarding sweat, that even on Yom Kippur one may bathe to remove sweat and hence certainly it is permitted during the three weeks; M”A 614:1; Elya Raba 614:1 in name of Shibulei Haleket; Mamar Mordechai 614:1 in name of Rabbeinu Manoach; M”B 613:2; See regarding the three weeks: Aruch Hashulchan 551:37; Igros Moshe Even Haezer 4:84-4; Sheivet Haleivi 7:77; Shearim Hametzuyanim 122:12 [Perhaps this is the Mahadurah Basra]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:48; Rav Eli Landa related to me that his father, Rav Yaakov Landa, was very lenient regarding showers in Eretz Yisrael and other hot climates, for purposes of cleanliness. However, one should try to use only warm water; See however Orchos Rabbeinu 2:133 in name of Chazon Ish who forbade showering even due to sweat.

[257] See Admur 614:1; M”A 614:1; Kaf Hachaim 554:45; Nitei Gavriel 105:13; Vol. 2 8:7

[258] The reason: As bathing was only forbidden for the sake of pleasure. [See Taz 381:2; Admur 613:1; M”B 554:19]

[259] Darkei Hachaim 11:4; Nitei Gavriel 105:8 and 8:7

[260] Michaber 381:3 regarding an Istanis, and today who is not considered an Istanis regarding bathing, especially in the summer; Nitei Gavriel 8:10

[261] Michaber 381:3; Rosh Moed Katan

[262] See 382:2 regarding leather shoes; See regarding the three weeks and fast days: Michaber 554:6; M”B 686:4; Kaf Hachaim 686:19; Ashel Avraham Butchach 554 regarding fast days; Nitei Gavriel 105:6 footnote 8

[263] Shach 381:2

[264] Michaber 381:5; Tur in name of Rabbeinu Tam; Maharik 35

[265] The reason: As in any event she is forbidden to her husband and there is nothing gained by her immersing at this time. [Shach 381:3; Taz 381:2]

[266] Shach 381:3; Taz 381:2; Masas Binyamin 5; Beis Yosef brought in Taz ibid; Derech Hachaim 4; Chochmas Adam 165:4; Aruch Hashulchan 381:8; Darkei Hachaim 11:7

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is certainly forbidden for a woman to bathe for the sake of performing Hefsek Taharah during Shiva and it is only allowed for her to do so after Shiva, during Shloshim with an irregularity. [Rama 381:5 based on Or Zarua Avel; Custom mentioned in Kitzur SHU”A 159:5] The reason for this is because if immersing for her husband which is a Mitzvah is forbidden, then certainly washing to begin the Shiva Nekiyim is forbidden. [Shach ibid] The Masas Binyamin ibid [brought in Shach and Taz ibid] however negates this ruling of the Rama being that in truth there is no need for her to immerse during Shiva, as she is in any event forbidden to her husband, while starting the Shiva Nekiyim is a Mitzvah. Likewise, the Taz ibid is puzzled by the Rama’s ruling claiming that bathing for non-pleasure purposes is permitted during Shiva. The Taz ibid concludes that in truth even the Rama agrees that she is to perform the Hefsek Taharah during Shiva, and only argues that she is not to bathe herself, as a Hefsek Taharah is valid even without bathing [see Rama 196:3] Practically, the Taz ibid agrees with the ruling of the Masas Binyamin.

[267] Masas Binyamin brought in Shach and Taz ibid; Conclusion of Taz ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 381; See Admur 613:20-21 for a similar ruling regarding Yom Kippur

[268] Rama 381:5; Maharil 15

[269] Michaber 381:3; Tosfos Moed Katan

[270] The reason: As this is no worse than an Istanis who is permitted to bath in hot water during Shiva. [Michaber ibid]

[271] Michaber 381:3; Tosfos Moed Katan; Mishneh Brachos 2:6 “When Raban Gamliel’s wife passed away he bathed himself that night. When asked by his students that he himself taught them that an Avel is prohibited in bathing, he answered that he is not like other people as he is an Istanis [very pampered].”

[272] Michaber 381:4; Taanis 13a

[273] Aruch Hashulchan 381:7

[274] Aruch Hashulchan 381:7

[275] Pischeiy Teshuvah 381:1 in name of Tiferes Lemoshe

[276] Nitei Gavriel 105:16

[277] Aruch Hashulchan 381:9

[278] Gilyon Maharsha 380

[279] Aruch Hashulchan 381:5

[280] Panim Meiros 8; Aruch Hashulchan 381:8; Gesher Hachaim

[281] Beis Lechem Yehuda 381; Nitei Gavriel 105:11 that if she usually does the Chafifa at night she may not do so on Erev Shabbos

[282] Maharam Shick Y.D. 364; See Pischeiy Teshuvah 184:22 and Or Tzadikim 32:4 regarding a case in which her Mikveh night fell on a Yom Chashash

[283] Rav Poalim Y.D. 4:38; Kinas Sofrim Hashmatos 30; Shiureiy Shevet Halevi p. 234

[284] The reason: As due to the mourning she does not see Dam Chimud. [ibid]

[285] Daas Torah 192; See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 105 footnote 16 that one may be lenient in a time of need

[286] See Michaber 400:1 that even on Shabbos bathing remains forbidden, and certainly on Erev Shabbos; Nitei Gavriel 114:6

[287] Siddur Yaavetz; Dass Torah 551; Shulchan Melachim Dinei Tevilas Ezra; Gesher Hachaim 22:1-7; Nitei Gavriel 105:2; See Pnei Baruch 14:9 that learns the above allowance regarding Shloshim and not necessarily Shiva

[288] Nodah Beyehuda Kama Y.D. 99

[289] Nitei Gavriel 114:7

[290] Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1031; Mishnas Yaakov 3:400; Atzmos Yosef 18; Nitei Gavriel 114:7

The reason: This is not similar to the allowance to immerse in a Mikveh on Erev Shabbos of the nine days, as Shiva is prohibited in bathing from the letter of the law as opposed to a mere custom. [ibid]

[291] Mishmeres Shalom 25:3; Custom of many Yerushalayim, as heard from Rav A.L. Hakohen; brought in Nitei Gavriel 114:7 footnote 11 that so is the custom of Chassidim [heard from Satmar Rav] and of Square and Viznitz

[292] The reason: As the entire purpose of Aveilus is to respect the deceased and certainly the deceased are particular that Shabbos not be blemished due to their Aveilus. [ibid]

[293] Heard from Rav Leibel Groner, that he was told to immerse close to sunset; Rav Asher Lemel Hakohen

[294] Nitei Gavriel ibid

[295] Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1031; Minchas Elazar 2:26; Nitei Gavriel 114:8

The reason: This is not similar to the allowance to immerse in a Mikveh on Erev Shabbos of the nine days, as Shiva is prohibited in bathing from the letter of the law as opposed to a mere custom. [ibid]

[296] Sefarim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 15

[297] Nitei Gavriel ibid

[298] Minchas Elazar ibid

[299] Derisha 389; Nitei Gavriel 119:16

[300] Michaber 381:2; 380:1; Taanis 13b; See also Michaber O.C. 554:15 for a similar ruling regarding Tishe Beav; See also Admur 614:1 regarding Yom Kippur that the laws are slightly stricter; See Pnei Baruch Chapter 14; Nitei Gavriel Chapter 105

[301] Michaber 380:1

[302] Aruch Hashulchan 381:6

[303] Aruch Hashulchan 381:6

[304] The reason: As one is not doing so for pleasure purposes.

[305] Michaber ibid “However in order to remove the sweat is permitted”; See regarding Tishe Beav: Gr”a 554:15; Admur 614:1

[306] As it is done for medicinal purposes, which the Sages permitted to be done during mourning.

[307] Nitei Gavriel 105:21

[308] Michaber 381:6; Kesubos 7b; Moed Katan 20b

[309] Applying makeup has the same prohibition as bathing. [Michaber ibid]

[310] Michaber ibid “A Bogeres who is an Avel may apply makeup since she is awaiting marriage”; Practically, a Bogeres today [12.5 years old] is not awaiting marriage and this law is not recorded in other Poskim [see Birkeiy Yosef 381 and Misgeres Hashulchan] and therefore one is to only be lenient in the above case that she is involved in Shidduchim or is engaged. [Nitei Gavriel 105:2; Pnei Baruch 14:7]

[311] Implication of Michaber ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 381:9; Pnei Baruch 14:7 footnote 17

[312] Implication of Michaber ibid that only “A Kallah may Lihiskashet during Shiva”; Leket Yosher p. 2; Ruach Chaim 361:1; Yifei Lalev 3:381; Nitei Gavriel 105:23

[313] Nitei Gavriel 105:20

[314] Yad Avraham 381; Beis Hillel 381 based on Rashi Taanis 12b; Nitei Gavriel 105:25

[315] The reason: As children below Bar and Bas Mitzvah are not obligated in the laws of Aveilus, as the entire reason behind keeping Aveilus customs is to arouse repentance from the relatives, however Katan is not required to repent as he is not of age to be punished. [Beis Hillel ibid]

[316] Shulchan Aruch Chapter 382:1-5; O.C. 554:1 and 554:16 regarding Tishe Beav; Admur 614:2 regarding Yom Kippur; See Beis Yosef 381 in name of Ramban and Biur Hagr”a 381:1 that the laws of a mourner in this regard follow the same laws as Yom Kippur; Nitei Gavriel 104; Pnei Baruch 15

[317] Michaber 380:1

[318] Michaber 382:1; Moed Katan 15b

The reason: This is learned from a verse in Yechezkal, in which Hashem told him to remove his shoes. [Moed Katan 15b]

[319] M”B 554:31; 614:5

[320] Michaber ibid; See Mateh Ephraim 614:2; however see Kaf Hachaim 614:10

[321] Admur 614:2 regarding Yom Kippur

[322] Michaber 382:1 based on Ramban; Michaber O.C. 554:16 regarding Tishe Beav; Admur 614:3 regarding Yom Kippur; Sefer Haminhagim p. 96 regarding Yom Kippur; See M”B 614:5; Shaareiy Teshuvah 614; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 673

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to wear any shoes, even if they are made of non-leather materials, and one must rather walk barefoot. [Bach 552 regarding Tishe Beav and 614 regarding Yom Kippur based on Tosefta and Geonim; Beis Hillel 382 that the same would apply regarding Aveilus.]

[323] The reason: As other materials are soft and thus still allow ones feet to feel the ground. Hence, it is still considered like one is oppressing himself when wearing them. In addition, the prohibition only applies to wearing a “Minaal” and a Minaal refers to leather shoe, while shoes of other material are called a “Malbush”. [Admur ibid regarding Yom Kippur; Beis Yosef 382 in name of Ramban]

^[324] Admur 614:2 regarding Yom Kippur and the same would apply regarding Aveilus, as stated in Biur Hagra and Beis Yosef 382

The reason: Seemingly, the reason for this is because one’s foot does not feel the discomfort of the ground, as explained is one of the reasons for why leather is prohibited.

[325] So rules regarding Tishe Beav: Panim Meiros 2:28; Shaareiy Teshuvah 554:11; Birkeiy Yosef 554:8; Glosses of Chasam Sofer 554; Kaf Hachaim 554:70; M”B 614:5 regarding Yom Kippur

[326] See M”B ibid that so rules Shulchan Aruch and many Achronim; Aruch Hashulchan 382:1 that today the custom is to walk with shoes made of rubber

[327] Sefer Haminhagim ibid regarding Tishe Beav

Opinion of Admur: Admur ibid regarding Yom Kippur mentions two reasons behind why leather shoes are not worn, and other shoes are allowed, and according to the first reason, if the shoes protect the foot similar to leather then it should be equally forbidden.

[328] Admur 614:4 regarding Yom Kippur; Rama 614:2

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule there is no prohibition involved at all to stand on leather material, and no blessing is offered for one who is stringent. Radbaz brought in M”A; Peri Chadash 614]

[329] See Nitei Gavriel 79:1

[330] Michaber 341:5; Ramban in Toras Hadam

The reason: As making him remove his leather shoes will prevent him from properly dealing with the corpse. [Beir Hagoleh ibid]

[331] Michaber 375:1; Rosh; Ramban; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 2

[332] The reason: See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid that when one travels by foot or through a gentile area, he may wear leather shoes. Nitei Gavriel ibid concludes that today that we have normal shoes to wear which are not made o leather, there is no allowance to wear leather shoes after the burial.

[333] Rama 382:5; Shach 382:3; Kol Bo in name of Riy; Ravaya 841; Hagahos Maimanis 8:3; Rabbeinu Yerucham; Tanya Rabasi 66; Leket Yosher p. 66

[334] Michaber ibid and 376:4; Tur; Ramban; Custom of

Custom not to remove shoes until reach home: The Rama ibid records that the custom he has seen is not to walk home barefoot even if one is an Avel for a parent. The Shach ibid explains that the reason behind this custom is because they did not want to be scoffed by the gentiles, and thus in all areas in which this worry is not applicable, they must remove their shoes immediately after the burial. This custom of not removing the shoes until one reaches the home is also recorded in Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 13; Ishkavta Derebbe p. 108 that the Rebbe Rayatz and Chassidim did not remove their shoes by the Levaya of the Rebbe Rashab until they arrived home.

[335] Michaber 376:4

[336] Rama 376:4

[337] Darkei Chesed p. 179; Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 79:1 and footnote 2 in name of Poskim; So was the Rebbe’s custom by the burial of his mother Rebbetzin Chana

Other customs: Some Poskim rule that the shoes are to be removed prior to the Kaddish. [Michaber 376:4] See Pnei Baruch 5:20 footnote 81 who writes to place earth in the shoes and then re-wear it until he reaches home. However seemingly today this allowance does not apply being that normal shoes are available.

[338] Michaber 382:2; Admur 614:5 regarding Yom Kippur

[339] The reason: As they are very sensitive to cold and leather shoes keep them warm. [ibid]

^[340] Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Pnei Baruch 15 footnote 8; Rav Cohen

[341] Shach 382:1; Admur  614:5 regarding Yom Kippur

[342] Taz 382:1 based on Mordechai

^[343] Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Rav Cohen

[344] Shach 382:1; Admur  614:5 regarding Yom Kippur

[345] Taz 382:1 based on Mordechai

^[346] Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Pnei Baruch 15 footnote 8; Rav Cohen

[347] Michaber 382:3; Admur 614:7 regarding Yom Kippur

[348] Taz 382:1 based on Mordechai

^[349] Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Pnei Baruch 15 footnote 8; Rav Cohen

[350] Michaber 382:4; Michaber 554:16 regarding Tishe Beav

Ruling by Yom Kippur: There is no allowance for one who is traveling on Yom Kippur to wear leather shoes in order to avoid being scoffed at. Although regarding Tishe Beav we are lenient to allow a traveler, or one who is walking through a non-Jewish neighborhood, to wear leather shoes, nevertheless regarding Yom Kippur, being that wearing leather shoes is a biblical prohibition, it is forbidden for one to wear them. [Admur 614:9-10]

[351] Taz 382:1 based on Mordechai; M”B 554:33

^[352] See M”B 614:5; Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Pnei Baruch 15 footnote 8; Rav Cohen

[353] Michaber 382:4; Rama 554:16 regarding Tishe Beav

Ruling by Yom Kippur: There is no allowance for one who is walking through a gentile area on Yom Kippur to wear leather shoes in order to avoid being scoffed at. Although regarding Tishe Beav we are lenient to allow a traveler, or one who is walking through a non-Jewish neighborhood, to wear leather shoes, nevertheless regarding Yom Kippur, being that wearing leather shoes is a biblical prohibition, it is forbidden for one to wear them. [Admur 614:9-10; See M”B 554:36 in name of Chayeh Adam]

[354] Ramban and Mordechai

[355] Although regarding Tishe Beav we are lenient to allow a traveler, or one who is walking through a non-Jewish neighborhood, to wear leather shoes, nevertheless regarding Yom Kippur, being that wearing leather shoes is a biblical prohibition, it is forbidden for one to wear them. [ibid]

[356] Shach 382:2; Rama ibid regarding Tishe Beav

[357] Taz 382:1 based on Mordechai

^[358] See M”B 614:5; Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:5; Nishmas Avraham 614:1; Nitei Gavriel 104:4 based on Mateh Ephraim 614:3; Rav Cohen

[359] Gloss of editor in Halachos Ketanos 2:139 regarding Tishe Beav

[360] Maharam Shick 316; Mateh Ephraim 614:2; Divrei Shem Chadash p. 36

[361] Maharikash in Erech Lechem 614; Peri Chadash 614; Peri Hadama 1:43; Zechor Leavraham 9; Moed Lekol Chaiy 10:40; Birkeiy Yosef 614; Yifei Laleiv 2:6; Kaf Hachaim 554:75; 614:10; Gesher Hachaim 21:4-1; Pnei Baruch 15:1

[362] Chelkas Yaakov 2:83; Piskeiy Teshuvos 614:3

[363] Meaning that his relative died and was already buried

[364] Nitei Gavriel 114:6 in name of Erech Shaiy

[365] Likkutei Sichos 4:1091

[366] Kaf Hachaim 46:17; Ben Ish Chaiy Vayeishev 9; Shalmei Tzibur; Birkeiy Yosef 46:3; Shaareiy Teshuvah 46:7; Kitzur SH”A 209:5; Chaim Beyad 125:14; Kaf Hachaim Falagi 9:11; Siddur Yaavetz; Kesher Gudal 5:19

[367] Michaber 389; Nitei Gavriel 111; Pnei Baruch 18

[368] See Chapter 6 Halacha 1 for the full details of this subject!

[369] Michaber 340:18 and 396:1; Moed Katan 20b

[370] Michaber 340:14; Moed Katan 24a; Nitei Gavriel 111:11; See Chapter 6 Halacha 1G!

[371] Such as in a case that he has another shirt or jacket that is not freshly laundered, or if all of his clothing are dirty and he is switching to a freshly laundered shirt or jacket, as explained in Halacha D.

[372] Michaber 340:14; Moed Katan 24a; Nitei Gavriel 111:11; See Chapter 6 Halacha 1G!

[373] Michaber 340:15; Moed Katan 22b

[374] Rama ibid

[375] Nitei Gavriel 55:12; Pnei Baruch p. 499 in name of Gedolei Hatorah

[376] Nitei Gavriel 55:11 footnote 21

[377] Michaber 340:16; Moed Katan 22b

[378] Rama 340:17; Kol Bo in name of Riy; See Michaber ibid that a Gadul is not required to do so if it is beneath his dignity.

[379] Shach 345:8 in name of Tur, in name of Maharitz Geios

[380] See chapter 380 that An Avel is forbidden in Melacha, which includes buying and selling and Rama 389:3 that even after Shiva making clothing is forbidden

[381] Michaber 389:1; Moed Katan 17b; See Pnei Baruch Chapter 18; Nitei Gavriel Chapter 111

[382] See Michaber 389:4 and 7; Shach 389:7; Beis Hillel 389

[383] Michaber 389:4

[384] The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to do work, or have work done on his behalf, during Shiva. [Shach 389:7]

[385] Michaber 389:4

[386] The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to do work, or have work done on his behalf, during Shiva. [Shach 389:7]

[387] The reason: This follows the same rule as any detached item of the Avel that is by a Kablan, that the Kablan may do the work during Shiva [Michaber ibid] so long as the work is not being done in the house of the Avel. [Shach 389:7; Michaber 380:5]

[388] Michaber 389:1

[389] Michaber 389:1

[390] Although during Chol Hamoed it is permitted to launder towels.

[391] See Taz 389:1 in name of Rashal

[392] Michaber 389:2; Hilchos Semachos

[393] Beis Hillel 389

[394] Michaber 389:1; Rosh in name of Raavad, based on Moed Katan 17b regarding haircuts

[395] Such as one who came out of captivity or jail, or a person who was released from excommunication, or one who a Chacham released his vow, or one who arrived from overseas for business, and did not have time to launder his clothing beforehand. [Michaber ibid; Shach 3895-6]

[396] If, however, he is still within the Shloshim of the first relative then according to the custom in Rama 389:1 he must give the garment to someone else to wear first.

[397] Michaber 551:15

[398] Michaber 389:1; Michaber 389:7 regarding ironing and certainly the same would apply regarding laundering which is more lenient than ironing; Bach and Perisha 389 that this applies even according to the Riva who forbids wearing freshly laundered clothing during Shloshim; Pnei Baruch 18:8

Other opinions: Some write that just as according to the Riva an Avel may not wear freshly laundered clothing within Shloshim, and so is the custom, so too he may not launder his clothing within Shloshim. [See Pnei Baruch ibid footnote 14 that Rav SZ”A negated this ruling and that the Bach and Perisha ibid explicitly negates it.]

[399] The prohibition of ironed clothing until after Shloshim is only with regards to wearing them and not with regards to the act of ironing. [Michaber ibid]

[400] See Poskim in next Q&A; See regarding wearing freshly laundered clothing: Aruch Hashulchan 389:6 regarding after Shiva and 389:7 regarding undershirt even during Shiva; Lachmei Todah 30, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:2; Pnei Baruch 18:10; Nitei Gavriel 111:8 permits socks in a time of need based on Poskim in footnote 10

[401] Nitei Gavriel 111:9 regarding undergarments, see there footnote 11 for an analysis on this subject

[402] Gesher Hachaim 21:10-1 [See there that it is better to wash off the dirt in water than to have to wear a different pair of freshly laundered clothing]; Chamudei Daniel regarding clothing with lice, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 381:3; Lachmei Todah 30 regarding wearing freshly laundered clothing if all one’s clothing is dirty with lice, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:2; Pnei Baruch 18:4

The reason: As just as bathing during Shiva was only prohibited for the sake of pleasure, similarly wearing fresh clothing was only prohibited to be done for the sake of pleasure. [ibid]

[403] Sdei Chemed Aveilus Mem; See Lachmei Todah ibid [omitted from Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]; Maharam Merothenberg in Hilchos Semachos; Kitzur SHU”A 211:8; Zera Emes 2:152; Sdei Chemed Aveilus Mem; Nitei Gavriel 111:9; Minchas Yitzchak 10:44; See Minchas Yitzchak ibid and Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 11 for an analysis on this subject

[404] Beis Hillel 389 that the allowance written in Michaber 389:2 is only for a non-Avel

[405] See Gesher Hachaim 21:10-1 footnote 11; Pnei Baruch 18 footnote 11

[406] Nitei Gavriel 111:3

[407] See Michaber 389:2

[408] Tiferes Adam 22; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 18:6 footnote 12; Nitei Gavriel 111:6

[409] Michaber 389:7; Tur in name of Ramban in Toras Habayis; See Pnei Baruch Chapter 18; Nitei Gavriel Chapter 111

[410] The prohibition of ironed clothing until after Shloshim is only with regards to wearing them and not with regards to the act of ironing. [Michaber ibid]

[411] Michaber 389:1; Ramban in Toras Hadam

[412] The reason: This is learned from the verse regarding Yoev who told a woman to wear the clothing of an Avel, which refers to clothing that are not ironed or laundered. [Levush 389]

[413] Shach 389:2

[414] Michaber 389:3 and 5; Ramban in Toras Habayis

[415] See Michaber 389:6 and O.C. 551:3 regarding the definition of ironing and that some opinions say that ironing means to launder using earth or soap, while other opinions say it means to iron.

[416] The Michaber 389:5 adds that this applies only if the garment is white and fresh, even if it is made of linen. This however is only going on within the Shloshim, after the Shiva, while within the Shiva, all ironed clothing is forbidden, just as is the law with laundered clothing Upashut!

[417] Rama ibid; Beis Yosef in name of Rabbeinu Yerucham

[418] Michaber 389:1 and 3 “colored clothing”; Ramban in Toras Hadam

[419] The reason: If a mourner may not wear freshly laundered clothing then it goes without saying that a mourner may not wear new clothing. [Michaber ibid]

[420] Michaber 389:1; Ramban in Toras Hadam

[421] Michaber 389:1

[422] Taz 389:1 in name of Rashal

[423] Rama 389:1

[424] Aruch Hashulchan 389:6 regarding after Shiva and 389:7 regarding undershirt even during Shiva; See Lachmei Todah 30, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:2; Gesher Hachaim 21:10-1; Minchas Yitzchak 10:44; Pnei Baruch 18:10; Nitei Gavriel 111:8 permits socks in a time of need based on Poskim in footnote 10; See also 114:13

[425] Minchas Yitzchak ibid; Nitei Gavriel 111:9 regarding undergarments, see there footnote 11 for an analysis on this subject

[426] Implication of Rama 389:1 that it was only permitted after Shiva; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 40; Pnei Baruch 18:2; Nitei Gavriel 111 footnote 11 in name of Levush and Derech Hachaim

[427] Ikarei Daat 36 Samech in name of Zera Emes 2:152; See Poskim in next Q&A

[428] Lachmei Todah 30 regarding dirty clothing or clothing with lice, brought in Birkeiy Yosef 389 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:2; Chamudei Daniel regarding laundering clothing with lice, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 381:3; Aruch Hashulchan 389:7; Poskim brought in next footnote; Gesher Hachaim 21:10-1; Pnei Baruch 18:4

The reason: As just as bathing during Shiva was only prohibited for the sake of pleasure, similarly, wearing fresh clothing was only prohibited to be done for the sake of pleasure. [ibid]

[429] Lachmei Todah ibid [omitted from Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]; Maharam Merothenberg in Hilchos Semachos; Kitzur SHU”A 211:8; Zera Emes 2:152; Sdei Chemed Aveilus Mem; Nitei Gavriel 111:9; Minchas Yitzchak 10:44; See Minchas Yitzchak ibid and Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 11 for an analysis on this subject

[430] See Michaber 389:2

[431] Rama 551:3 regarding the none days; Shach 381:3; Taz 381:2 in name of Masaas Binyamin, the Taz ibid himself concludes she should wear a clean garment, but not actually white; Gilyon Maharsha 389

[432] Minchas Yitzchak 10:44

[433] Rama 389:3; See Divrei Nechemia Y.D. 27 for a thorough analysis regarding: 1) Is wearing Shabbos clothing forbidden from the letter of the law or just a custom; 2) Is there a difference between Shiva and Shloshim; 3) Is the prohibition and custom only during the week or even on Shabbos.

[434] Rama ibid in name of Yeish Omrim; Maharil brought in Beis Yosef 391; Rivash 67; See Divrei Nechemia ibid that a) during Shiva this prohibition applies according to all; b) After Shiva it is a dispute between the Maharil and Maharam; c) There is no source for this prohibition in Rishonim

[435] Regarding after Shloshim-See Chapter 22 Halacha 9D!

[436] Rama 400:2; Shach 340:23; Darkei Hachaim 3; Chochmas Adam 165:22; Kitzur SHU”A 211:10; See Divrei Nechemia ibid that during the weekdays of Shiva this is a prohibition applies according to all, and the custom to be stringent is only with regards to Shloshim; See Panim Meiros 2:123 and 132 for cases of exception, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:1

[437] Implication of Rama 400:2 and 389:3; Kitzur SHU”A ibid; Daas Kedoshim 389; See Divrei Nechemia ibid that from the letter of the law it is not forbidden to wear Shabbos clothing on Shabbos even during Shiva, even according to the Rama, however the custom of people became to not wear it even on Shabbos, and doing so is not considered public Aveilus as explained there; See Nitei Gavriel 10 footnote 35

[438] Radbaz 2:693 [forbidden to wear weekday clothing]; M”A 262:2 in name of Arizal [See Machatzis Hashekel there, although see Divrei Nechemia who negates his explanation]; Maaseh Rav 193; Birkeiy Yosef 400; Shaareiy Yehoshua 10:4; Rashal 106, brought in Gilyon Maharasha regarding a freshly laundered undershirt; Daas Kedoshim 389:8 that even the Rama only intended to prohibit during the week; Divrei Malkiel 2:91; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 2 10 footnote 37

[439] The reason: As it is considered public Aveilus. [Birkeiy Yosef ibid; See Divrei Nechemia ibid]

[440] Divrei Nechemia ibid “In previous generations people were stringent, however today many people, amongst them great Sages are lenient, and on the contrary are stringent not to make any difference between this Shabbos and any other Shabbos of the year”; Aruch Hashulchan 389:11 “For already 100 years the Gedolei Hador are not pleased with allowing one to walk with weekday clothing on Shabbos”; Pnei Baruch 23:4; Nitei Gavriel 2 10:23; See Likkutei Sichos 4:1091

[441] Daas Torah 389 in name of Pnei Yehoshua regarding undershirt; Pnei Baruch 23:4

[442] Daas Torah 389 in name of Pnei Yehoshua; Pnei Baruch ibid

[443] Taz 389:1 in name of Rashal; Kitzur SHU”A 211:4

[444] Rama 391:1; Maharil; Shevus Yaakov 2:102 regarding Pidyon Haben; See Noda Beyehuda Tinyana Y.D. 213 who questions this ruling although concludes to follow Rama, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:6

[445] Birkeiy Yosef 391

[446] See Divrei Nechemia 27

[447] Nitei Gavriel 2 10:33 in name of Tuv Taam Vedaas 3:218

[448] Shevus Yaakov 2:102; Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:3

[449] Nitei Gavriel 2 10:21

[450] Michaber 380:1; 386:1; Moed Katan 15a

[451] Michaber 380:1

The source: This is learned from a verse in Yechezkal. [Moed Katan ibid]

[452] Michaber 386:1; See Moed Katan 24a and Admur in Siddur Hilchos Tzitzis that it must be like the Atifas Yishmaeilim

[453] Michaber 386:1; Ramban in Toras Hadam; See Birkeiy Yosef 386 that 1) This obligation applies also at night. 2) One is not obligated to wear it when walking amongst gentiles. 3) The [Sephardic] custom is to only wear it during the time period of comforting, and it is removed when the comforters arrive.

[454] Opinion in Rama ibid; Hagahos Maimanis 5

[455] The reason: As the gentiles ridicule and mock one who walks this way. [Shach 386:1; Hagahos Maimanis ibid]

[456] Nehar Mitzraim 127; Shulchan Gavoa 386:1

[457] Rama ibid

[458] Shach 386:1; Taz 386:1; Bach; Rokeiach; Chochmas Adam 169:19; Kitzur SHU”A 211:3; Aruch Hashulchan 386:1; Custom of Rav SZ”A; See Divrei Malkiel 2:93

[459] Aruch Hashulchan 386:1; Emek Bracha p. 141; Nitei Gavriel 109:4

[460] Hagahos Maharikash, brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid

[461] Heard from Rav Eli Landa that people are not particular in this, and that so was witnessed by the Rebbe during Shiva

[462] Shulchan Aruch 390:1-6; Pnei Baruch 19; Nitei Gavriel 110

[463] Michaber 380:1 and 390:1; Moed Katan 14a

The reason: This is learned from the verse that states regarding the children of Aaron “The hair of your head do not cut.” [Moed Katan ibid; Beir Hagoleh]

Biblical or Rabbinical: Some Poskim learn that this prohibition is Biblical. [Raavad, brought in Ramban and Rosh] Other Poskim however rule it is only Rabbinical. [Ramban and Rosh ibid]

[464] Michaber 390:5 regarding Shiva [however permits after Shiva]; Rama ibid regarding Shloshim

[465] Michaber 390:1; Moed Katan 18b; Chochmas Adam 165L26; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12

[466] Yosef Daas 390; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:27

[467] Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:29 in name of Rav SZ”A and Rav Wozner, however Rav Moshe Feinstein is quoted to forbid it

[468] Michaber 390:1

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may cut mustache hair that interferes with eating even during Shiva. [Biur Hagr”a; Ramban, brought in Shaar Hatziyon 551:90]

[469] The Michaber ibid states “the Safam or sides” this refers to the mustache in total, as the Safam refers to the hair that grows directly above the lips while the sides refer to the mustache hair that grows to the side of the lips. [Beis Yosef 390 in name of Ramban; Pnei Baruch 19 footnote 4]

[470] Michaber 390:2

[471] Implication of Michaber ibid “sat for a haircut”; Rav Akiva Eiger ibid; Nitei Gavriel 110:5; However, see Aruch Hashulchan 390 who leaves this matter in question

[472] Michaber 390:3; Moed Katan 15b; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:23-24

[473] Darkei HaChaim 13:7; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:23

[474] Rama ibid

[475] This is required in order so he does a Shinuiy while cutting his hair, as people do not cut the ends of their hair using a razor. [Beis Yosef 390, in name of Ramban]

[476] Michaber 390:6; Rabbeinu Yerucham in name of Rashi; Hagahos Maimanis; See Kaf Hachaim 551:46 regarding Tishe Beav; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:25

[477] Shach 390:3 that so is implied from Beis Yosef; Taz 390:2; Bach 390; Levush 390; Our Nussach in Michaber ibid does not specify any gender; Kitzur SHU”A 211:14; Shaar Hatziyon 551:28; Aruch Hashulchan 390:2 permits in case of need; So rule regarding Tishe Beav: Elya Raba 551:7; Degul Merivava 551; P”M 551 A”A 11 permits in private; Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:12; M”B 551:20

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the above allowance is only for women. [Shach who reads in Michaber ibid “women”; Hagahos Semak in name of Or Zarua, as brought in Bach and Shach ibid and Nekudos Hakesef; Chochmas Adam 165:29 in name of Yeish Omrim So rule regarding Tishe Beav: Mahariy Bruno 13; Kneses Hagedola 551:31; Mateh Yehuda 551 concludes to be stringent; Ben Ish Chaiy Devarim 14]

[478] Shach 390:2 in name of Bach

[479] Nitei Gavriel 3:30 based on 381:6; Taharas Mayim Shiyurei Taharah 54

[480] Noda Beyehuda Tinyana 14:213, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:1

[481] Beis Yosef 389; Beis Hillel 389:2; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 34; Pnei Baruch 19:9

[482] Michaber 390:7; Moed Katan 17b; See Pnei Baruch Chapter 19; Nitei Gavriel 110

[483] The reason: Just as it is forbidden for an Avel to cut his hair during the Shloshim so too it is forbidden for him to cut his nails during the Shloshim. [Michaber ibid]

[484] Moed Katan 18a; Beir Hagoleh ibid

[485] Michaber ibid regarding Mikveh; See Beir Hagoleh ibid regarding why by hair we are more lenient for women

[486] Birkeiy Yosef 390:6

[487] Nitei Gavriel 7:1

[488] Michaber ibid; See Beir Heiytiv 532:2

[489] Rama 393:3

[490] See Nekudos Hakesef 390 that this applies only to the two side fingers near the thumb which are used for the Mila

[491] Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4

[492] Daas Torah 390 in name of Shvus Yaakov 3:100

[493] Piskeiy Teshuvos 260:5

[494] Daas Torah 390:7; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 7:5

[495] Daas Torah 390:6; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 7:13

[496] Michaber 383:1; Moed Katan 15b; See Pnei Baruch Chapter 15; Nitei Gavriel Chapter 105

[497] Michaber 380:1; See Darkei Taharah p. 214

[498] The source: This is learned from the verse “And David consoled his wife Bat Sheva and consummated with her.” From here we learn that prior to the consoling it was forbidden. [Gemara ibid]

[499] Moed Katan 24a first suggests in the name of Shmuel that he is liable for death from heaven. The Gemara however later retracts this statement although brings from Miseches Semachos that there was once a man who had relations during Shiva and pigs dragged his body or Eiver [after his death].

[500] Rama 383:1; Rabbeinu Yerucham; Admur 184:6; Rebbe Akiva Eiger in name of Rav Zalman of Vilna based on Targum Koheles

Letter of law: Some Poskim rule that from the letter of the law, it is permitted to hug and kiss during Shiva [Tur in name of Raavad; Implication of Michaber and Rosh, brought in Shach 342:5] Other Poskim however rule that even other forms of Harchakos are forbidden [and certainly hugging and kissing is forbidden]. [Shach 342:5 regarding a Kallah; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2, Rosh; Admur 184:6 states that the Sages were stringent to forbid hugging and kissing by an Avel]

Ruling by Veses: It is permitted from the letter of the law to hug and kiss during one’s wife’s Veses, although one who is stringent is blessed. The reason for this is because the prohibition of a Veses is only Rabbinical while Aveilus is from words of Kabala which is similar to Biblical.  [See Admur 184:6; Beis Hillel 383]

[501] Michaber ibid; Tur ibid

[502] However, if they are not clothed it is forbidden to sleep on the same bed. [Shach 383:2; Ramban; Tur]

[503] Michaber ibid; Admur Y.D. 184:6 and O.C. Kuntrus Acharon 40:2 [Admur 184:6 states that the Sages were stringent to forbid sleeping in the same bed by an Avel.]

The reason: As we tell a Nazir to avoid entering himself to tempting situations. [Michaber ibid] We are more stringent in this regard in the laws of Aveilus than the laws of Tishe Beav and Yom Kippur because we suspect that he may come to do it purposely as people are lax in Aveilus. [Taz 40:4; Admur Kuntrus Acharon ibid] We are also stricter in this regard more than the day of a Veses, because the prohibition of a Veses is only Rabbinical while Aveilus is from words of Kabala which is similar to Biblical.  [Admur 184:6]

[504] Michaber ibid and 374:6; Moed Katan 20b; Tur in name of Raavad in Baalei Hanefesh; Levush 383

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even other forms of Harchakos are forbidden, such as pouring wine for him and making his bed and washing his face, hands and feet and the like. [See Bach 383 in name of Rashal regarding washing face; See Shach 342:5 regarding a Kallah being prohibited in Mezigas Hakos and Hatzaas Hamitah; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2, Rosh; Gilyon Maharsha 383 forwards to this Shach, however this stringency of the Shach only applies in that specific case when Yichud is forbidden and not in all cases of Shiva]

[505] Michaber ibid; See Shach 383:1 in name of Perisha

[506] See Michaber 342 and 383:1

[507] Shach 383:3

[508] Michaber 342 and 383:1; Kesubos 3b-4a

[509] The reason: As the Sages were lenient and permitted them to enter the Chuppah and have marital relations despite the start of Aninus, and thus allowed him to delay the Aveilus until after the seven days of Sheva Brachos. Now, since this leniency can potentially lead to them being lax in the laws of Aveilus during the Shiva, therefore the Sages were stringent to prohibit Yichud in such a case. However in a case that the Chasan/Kallah became an Avel only after the Chuppah, since there is no need to be lenient, as the Chuppah has legally preceded the Aveilus, therefore there is no reason to prohibit them in Yichud during the Shiva. [Shach 383:3]

[510] Shach 342:5 regarding a Kallah being prohibited in Mezigas Hakos and Hatzaas Hamitah; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2, Rosh

[511] Tur 342 in name of Ravad, brought in Shach ibid; Implication of Rosh and Michaber 342

[512] Sefer Chassidim 408; Chidushei Gershoni and other Achronim in 402

[513] The reason: As she is not obligated in Aveilus until she receives the news of the death. [ibid]

[514] Pnei Baruch 15:8

[515] Implication of Rav Haiy Gaon, brought in Tur O.C. 555 and Taz 555:1 and P”M 555 M”Z 1; Aruch Hashulchan 395:3; Implication of Shach and Taz in 402

[516] Sefer Chassidim 240; Maharam 549, brought in Taz ibid [However see Aruch Hashulchan ibid that he did not find such a source in the Maharam]; Perisha 395:2 in name of Rashal; Rav Akiva Eiger Y.D. 395; Minhagim Worms p. 306; Misgeres Hashulchan 395; Kitzur SHU”A 216:1; See Makor Chesed on Sefer Chassidim ibid that notes to Moed Katan 24a and Yerushalmi Moed Katan; Nitei Gavriel 136:21

[517] The reason: As the concept of Miktzas Hayom Kekulo only applies regarding the other mourning customs.

[518] Michaber 384:1-4; Nitei Gavriel 106; Pnei Baruch 16

[519] Michaber 384:1; Michaber O.C. 554:1 regarding Tishe Beav; Moed Katan 21a

Other opinions-Those who are lenient to learn Torah during Aveilus: The Yerushalmi states that one who is an assiduous learner of Torah and his soul constantly years for it, it is permitted for him to learn Torah [in order to prevent Tzaar]. Practically however, we do not rule like the Yerushalmi. [Beis Yosef 384, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 384; Aruch Hashulchan 384:3] Some Gedolei Yisrael were accustomed to learn Torah during Shiva, [See Beniyahu Brachos 24b of Ben Ish Chaiy that so was the custom of one Gadol and he said he is willing to receive the punishment; Rav Zevin in Ishim Veshitos p. 92 that the Rogochaver Gaon learned during Shiva and said he is more than happy to be whipped for learning Torah; See Nitei Gavriel 106 footnote 1]

[520] The source: This is learned from a verse in Yechezkal which states “Vehaonek Dom.” [Moed Katan 15a]

The reason: As learning Torah gives one joy, as the verse states “Pekudei Hashem Misamchei Leiv.” [Shach 384:1] Likewise, to avoid Bitul Torah he can simply learn the laws of Aveilus and the like. [Chacham Tzvi 100, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 384:1]

[521] Opinion in Michaber 554:3 regarding Tishe Beav; Maharil 201 regarding Tishe Beav and Aveilus; Iggur in name of Mahariy Mulin [Maharil ibid]; Mateh Moshe 721; Peri Chadash in Mayim Chaim Brachos 15a “it is proper to be stringent”; Taz 554:2; Avnei Nezer Y.D. 474; Darkei Hachaim 15:2; M”B 554:4-5 forbids even questions and answers.

[522] The reason: The reason for this is because also thinking Torah gives one joy. [M”A 554:5; M”B 554:5]

[523] Leket Yosher Semachos p. 93 [see Nitei Gavriel 106 footnote 8 that perhaps his intent is only on the permitted subjects]; Elya Raba 554 regarding Tishe Beav

[524] So rule majority of Poskim ibid and so rules Michaber ibid regarding Tishe Beav [See Kaf Hachaim 554:16 that so is the ruling of Michaber even though he brings it as a Yeish Mi Sheoser]; Pnei Baruch 16:1

[525] Chochmas Shlomo 554; Nitei Gavriel 106:5

[526] Michaber 400:1; Tur in name of Rosh; Hagahos Maimanis 4 in name of Maharam

[527] The reason: As Torah learning is considered a private matter and all private matters of mourning are forbidden on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid]

[528] Arba Turei Even 11; Pischeiy Teshuvah 400:3; Hagra”z Margaliyos 18; See Aruch Hashulchan 400:7; Nitei Gavriel 115:21

[529] Karban Nesanel Moed Katan 75:57; Aruch Hashulchan 400:6b-7 concludes that one who is lenient has upon whom to rely; Nitei Gavriel 115:21

[530] Michaber 384:5 and 396:3; Hagahos Maimanis Avel 5:Mem; Shach 384:5; However regarding Tishe Beav see M”A 554:2

[531] The reason: As children are not obligated in any laws Aveilus. [Shach ibid; Hagahos Maimanis ibid Michaber 396:3] Vetzaruch Iyun on the wording of this law in Michaber and Hagahos Maimanis ibid that “An Avel who has small children he is not to stop them from learning” Why would an Avel be required to stop his children from learning if they are not in Aveilus? The wording should have been, a Niftar who has small children may continue learning. Perhaps then it refers to is a son or wife passed away and hence the father is an Avel and also the children are in Aveilus.

[532] Toras Menachem 41:45, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:27; Peir Eitz Chaim 24, brought in Nitei Gavriel 106 footnote 9; Regarding however hearing Torah prior to Birchas Hatorah see our Sefer “Awaking like a Jew” Chapter 9 Halacha 4 in Q&A for dispute in Poskim

[533] See Shulchan Menachem ibid footnote 15 that Rav Gustman said a Pilpul on the law of Shomeia Keoneh before the Rebbe during Shiva, and concluded to prove that t is forbidden for people to recite Divrei Torah in front of the Ave. The Rebbe however jested and said “The entire reason behind the prohibition is due to joy, and you can imagine the lack of joy there is when the Avel must hear words of Torah that he has questions on and may nevertheless not ask him the questions”

[534] See Nitei Gavriel 115:18

[535] Yoreh Deah 384:1

[536] Yoreh Deah 400:1

[537] Michaber ibid

[538] Shach 400:4

[539] Michaber ibid

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to recite Shnayim Mikra even on Shabbos. [Aguda, brought in Taz 400:1; Rav Poalim 1:52] Other Poskim rule that if the Shiva will end on Sunday/Monday, then he is obligated to delay reading Shnayim Mikra until the end of Shiva, as it is permitted to read Shnayim Mikra until the Wednesday after Shabbos. [Beis Hillel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 400:3] The Poskim however negate this opinion, being it is a Mitzvah to read the Parsha on Shabbos itself. [Arba Turei Even 11, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]

[540] Taz 400:1 in name of Rashal; Mahariy 368; Nitei Gavriel 106:15

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it s permitted for an Avel to read Shnayim Mikra even during the week. [Mahrikash, brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[541] Beis Lechem Yehuda 400; Birkeiy Yosef 400; See Nitei Gavriel 115:19

[542] Lechem Hapanim 400:1; Aruch Hashulchan 400:6

[543] Michaber 384:4; O.C. 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav; Tur in name of Rosh; Rosh Moed Katan 3:37; Tosfos Moed Katan 21a in name of Riy that so was final ruling of Rabbeinu Yaakov [Tam]; Kitzur SHU”A 210:1

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for an Avel during Shiva to learn the sad subjects of Torah, as this allowance was only mentioned in Talmud with regards to Tishe Beav. [Tosfos ibid in name of Riy that so was the initial ruling of Rabbeinu Yaakov Tam]

[544] Michaber ibid

[545] Michaber 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav

[546] Michaber ibid

[547] Michaber 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav; See Nitei Gavriel 106 footnote 1

[548] M”A 554:3; M”B 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav

[549] Michaber 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav

[550] Michaber 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav; Maharil 291; Levush Y.D. 384; Chochmas Adam 165:10; Aruch Hashulchan 384:4

[551] M”B 554:3 in name of Levush regarding Tishe Beav

[552] M”B 554:3 in name of Levush regarding Tishe Beav

[553] M”B 554:3 in name of Levush regarding Tishe Beav

[554] Michaber ibid; Tur in name of Braisa in Avel Rabasi

[555] The reason: As when learning with others it has a lot more publicity. [Tur ibid] Alternatively, learning with others contains joy. [Levush 384]

[556] Taz 554:2 regarding Tishe Beav [regarding Pilpul]; M”A 554:5 [regarding questions and answers; P”M 554 M”Z 2; Birkeiy Yosef 384 regarding Avel; Shalmei Tzibur p. 167b; Chochmas Adam 165:10; Kitzur SHU”A 210:1; M”B 554:5

[557] The reason: The reason for this is because going into questions and answers on the subject gives one joy and is thus similar to thinking the forbidden parts of Torah. [Taz ibid; M”B 554:3]

[558] Aruch Hashulchan 384:5; Gadol mentioned in Birkeiy Yosef ibid; See Chasam Sofer 346 from which it is clear that he learned the laws of Aveilus in depth while in Shiva; See Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 9

[559] The reason: As the prohibition against Simcha is only against initially setting oneself into a situation of Simcha, however if it happened to come on its own while learning, there is no prohibition against doing so. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]

[560] See Nitei Gavriel Bein Hametzarim Teshuvah 17; Aveilus 106:3; Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 5

[561] Shevet Yehuda Y.D. 384:4; Erech Hashulchan 554:1; Kaf Hachaim 55410; Implication of Ritva Moed Katan 15b; Implication of Abudarham and Tur 559 that omit saying “Veani Zos Brisi” on Tishe Beav being that everyone is Batel from Torah learning; Implication of Shivlei Haleket Semachos 26 that prohibits saying Birchas Hatorah; Implication of Maharitz 

[562] Aruch Laner Sukkah 25b; Moed Lekol Chaiy 10:21; Sdei Chemed 2:12; Menucha Ukedusha Shaar Hatefila 29 that learning the laws of Aveilus during Shiva is the main Tikkun for the Niftar; Divrei Yatziv 240

[563] Toras Menachem 1990 4:50 [Mugah, brought in Shulchan Menachem 3:65]

[564] Nesiv Hachaim 258:1 in name of Rav Hillel of Paritch regarding learning Kabbalah on Tishe Beav; Rav Shalom Sharabi, brought in footnote of Sefer Haminhagim p. 177; Toras Menachem 41:46; Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 [English] “A mourner may study the inner dimensions of the Torah”; See Meiri Moed Katan 21a “To learn Sefarim that arouse oneself in Teshuvah is not only permitted but one is even encouraged to do so, and so is the custom”; See Nitei Gavriel 106:6; See Toras Menachem 4:25 that Chassidim tell over that after the passing of the Rebbe Maharash, the Rebbe Rashab and Rav Y.M. Bespalov would pace back and forth in their socks in learning of Chassidus. See there however that the Rebbe questions the accuracy of this story due to technical difficulties, although concludes “One cannot ask on Chassidim, and even if the story isn’t true, it certainly is true in potential.”; Custom of Rebbe Rashab on Tishe Beav [Sefer Haminhagim p. 46, Hebrew]; See Hamelech Bemisibo 2:61; Hiskashrus 889 p. 13 footnote 35

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule an Avel may not learn Kabala during Shiva. [Mishnas Chassidim p. 83; See Shaar Hamitzvos Vayechi that the Arizal was not sure regarding whether it is allowed, and he would start and stop intermittingly; See Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[565] Meiri ibid; Nivei Shalom 387; Ruach Chaim 384; Shoel Umeishiv 3:218; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 25 [p. 1392 in Kehos]; Mishmeres Shalom Os Lamed 21; Gesher Hachaim 21:5-1; Nitei Gavriel 106:8; Pnei Baruch 16:3; See Hearos Ubiurim Oholei Torah p. 69

[566] See Meiri ibid; Avraham Ezkor, brought in Pnei Baruch ibid

[567] Meiri ibid

[568] Sefer Haminhagim ibid

[569] Mahariy Y.D. 368; Zichron Shaiy p. 32 brought in Gesher Hachaim 215-1; M”A 554:6 in name of Hagahos Halevush 554 regarding custom of Pozna on Tishe Beav; P”M 554 A”A 6 states that the custom of Pozna is the correct custom; Brought in response of Rebbe to Rav Gavriel Tzinner printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273 and Tzaddik Lamelech 7:234 in defense  why Tehillim should not be said

[570] The reason: As in addition to being Torah learning, it is words of Zemer: song, which bring happiness, and is thus not similar to the other sections of Torah we are lenient to learn during Aveilus, such as Chitas. [Rebbe ibid]

[571] Leket Yosher Semachaos regarding one’s set Tehillim section; M”A 554:6 and M”B 554:7 regarding Tishe Beav [during Mincha]; Mishmeres Shalom Taf-2; Meshiv Halacha 2:144; Zera Emes 3:61; Gesher Hachaim 215-1; Nitei Gavriel 106:7; See also Meiri Moed Katan 21a that one may learn Torah for purposes of Teshuvah

[572] Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, brought in Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, written by the Rebbe in Reshimos p. 413 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273]; So was also the Rebbe’s custom, as recorded in the Yoman of 1988; However, regarding the custom of the Rebbe Rayatz, he said it quietly, while the Rebbe concluded the verse aloud.

[573] Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, written by the Rebbe in Reshimos p. 413 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273] to say it quietly; So was also the Rebbe’s custom, as told to me by Rav Groner “The Rebbe said Tehillim but did say the last posuk loud someone said it loud.”; See the Yoman for 1988 that the Rebbe did not say it [at least in a noticeable way]; From the  Rebbe’s answer to Rav Tzinner [brought above] it is implied that the Rebbe held it is not to be said.

[574] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 27:9

[575] Response from Rav Groner that so is the Chabad custom; Letter of Rav Gavriel Tzinner to Rebbe, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273 and Tzaddik Lamelech 7:234 that the custom is to learn Chitas; See Gesher Hachaim 21:5-3 and Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 21; Nitei Gavriel 106:4 footnote 6

[576] Poskim in Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 21; Nitei Gavriel 106:4 footnote 6 regarding Chok Leyisrael, and so is ruled regarding Tishe Beav; Response of Rav Groner;

[577] Custom brought in Admur 55:3, M”A 50:1, and Kneses Hagedola 50 regarding Eizehu Mikoman; Zichron Yitzchak 6, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:17; 384:2; P”M 1 A”A 11; Kitzur SHU”A 210:4; M”B 1:17 and 51:1; So rule regarding not saying Ketores on Tishe Beav: Rama 559:4 and M”A 559:7 and M”B 559:20; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 94 footnote 6 and 9

[578] Daas Kedoshim; Shulchan Hatahor 1

[579] Daas Kedoshim

[580] The reason: The reason for this is because it is forbidden for the Avel to learn Torah [Admur ibid] and it is not considered Seder Hayom, as not all people recite it daily, and it is thus considered like learning Torah. [M”A 559:7; M”B 559:20] Alternatively, it is because an Avel may not offer Karbanos. [P”M ibid; See Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid; Kitzur SHU”A ibid]

[581] Chomos Yerushalayim 14, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 384:2

[582] Admur ibid “This custom is incorrect, as whatever parts are considered Seder Hayom is not included in the Torah learning prohibition relevant to a mourner as explained in chapter 554 and Y.D. 384”; Ashel Avraham Tinyana 559 regarding saying Ketores on Tishe Beav being that today it has become like the Seder Hayom; See Nitei Gavriel 94:4 footnote 9

[583] Siddur Admur that on days that Tachanun is not recited these prayers are omitted.

Should the non-Mourners who are joining the Minyan also omit the Yehi Ratzon and Ribono Shel Olam? It is to be omitted in the Shiva home. [See Nitei Gavriel 101:2 in name of Poskim; Ketzos Hashulchan 14 footnote 1 regarding difference between Chasan and Bris, and seemingly here too it should be omitted as it arouses judgment in the home] Certainly, however, it may be said prior to reaching the Shiva home.

[584] Birkeiy Yosef 384; Halef Lecha Shlomo Y.D. 312;

[585] The reason: As there is no greater Simcha than to write down Chidushei Torah. [ibid]

[586] Daas Torah 384; Aruch Hashulchan 384:5; Shoel Unishal 3:215 wrote a Teshuvah in Aveilus; Hisprerus Teshuvah Y.D. 192; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 21 [may write after three days of Aveilus]; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1028; See Pnei Baruch 16 footnote 9; Shearim Hametzuyanim Behalacha 210:1; Nitei Gavriel 106:9 Regarding Tishe Beav so rules: Shulchan Gavoa 554:4; Meoreiy Or Moed Katan 28b; Mahariy Bruna 16; Kneses Hagedola 554:3; Moed Lekol Chaiy 10:75; Yifei Lalev 2:10; Beir Heiytiv 554:20

[587] The reason: As the prohibition against Simcha is only against initially setting oneself into a situation of Simcha, however if it happened to come on its own while learning, there is no learning prohibition involved in writing it down. Likewise, it is not forbidden due to write it down due to the prohibition of Melacha as it is considered a Davar Haaveid, as brought in Taz 545 and Birkeiy Yosef 545 in name of Shut Min Hashamayim regarding Chol Hamoed, and in truth there is no greater Davar Haaveid more than this. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]

[588] Kaf Hachaim 554:110; Nitei Gavriel 106:9

[589] Michaber 384:1 and 4; Moed Katan ibid; See Aruch Hashulchan 384:6 that this Halacha refers today to a Rosh Yeshiva, and that it is no longer accustomed to appointing someone to teach the public the Halachos.

[590] Rama ibid; Mordechai Avel; Moed Katan ibid; See Michaber ibid, based on Moed Katan ibid, that if he has a Turgaman he may not tell him directly, but is rather to tell a person to tell the Turgaman. [This is done for the sake of a Shinuiy, and is no longer applicable today when we don’t have a Turgaman-Aruch Hashulchan 384:6] On this the Rama states that if he does not have a Turgaman, he may teach them directly, as explicitly stated in Moed Katan ibid.

[591] Aruch Hashulchan 384:6

[592] Gilyon Maharsha 384 regarding a Melamed Tinokos; However see Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[593] Rama ibid; Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 28

[594] Rabbeinu Yerucham ibid sides leniently to permit teaching students just like it is permitted for the Rav to teach the public, as the public is in need of him. Rabbeinu Yerucham furthermore states that he saw by his teachers who were in Aveilus, that after the first three days of Aveilus they would teach Halachos to the students. The Taz 384:1 records this lenient opinion and uses it to be lenient regarding teaching children after the first three days, however not regarding teaching adults.

[595] See Rabbeinu Yerucham ibid who differentiates between one who teaches the public, which was discussed in the previous Halacha, and one who teaches students, which is the Halacha here of the Rama, as regarding teaching ones set students one cannot define it as “the public requires him”.  See also Taz 384:1 who implies that teaching children is defined as “Rabim Tzerichim Lo” while teaching adult students is not defined as “Rabim Tzerichim Lo.” As for the reason for this difference, perhaps students refer to people who can learn on their own, while “the public needs him” refers to people who cannot learn on their own.

[596] So seems from the wording of Rabbeinu Yerucham, see there and previous footnote

[597] Shach 384:2 in name of Bedek Habayis in name of Orchos Chaim; Taz 384:1; Rashal 66

[598] The reason: As the Torah learning of children who don’t have sin is more beloved than that of an adult, and is considered like “Rabim Tzerichim Lo” which is permitted by the Michaber and Gemara ibid. [Taz ibid; Shach ibid] Furthermore, if the children aren’t taught it is considered a case of loss [Davar Aveid] being that the children will not learn on their own. [Shach ibid]

[599] Taz 384:1 based on custom of teachers of Rabbeinu Yerucham ibid to only teach the students after three days; Beir Heiytiv 384:2; Derech Hachaim; Kitzur SHU”A 210:2; Beis David 384

[600] Shach ibid; Rashal ibid; Yosef Daas on Taz ibid questions the ruling of the Taz

[601] Aruch Hashulchan 384:6; Chochmas Adam 165:10

[602] Gilyon Maharsha 384 in name of Rashal

The reason: As children do not learn properly from a substitute teacher. [ibid]

[603] Nitei Gavriel 106 footnote 19

The reason: As today anyways the custom is for a Melamed to take off when he needs to, as well as that there is no obligation for him to teach the students but just that it is permitted for him to do so if he so chooses. [ibid]

[604] Rama 384:1; Or Zarua; Rabbeinu Yerucham; See M”A 554:5  and M”B 554:5 regarding Tishe Beav that the Rav may only answer for a sick person

[605] Aruch Hashulchan 384:6; See Nitei Gavriel 106:13 who writes that this applies even if there are other Rabbanim available who can answer, being that he is the accepted Rav and it is considered that the public needs him.

[606] Aruch Hashulchan 384:6

[607] M”A 554:5 regarding Tishe Beav; Aruch Hashulchan 384:6

[608] See Nitei Gavriel Chapter 113

[609] Michaber 391:1; Moed Katan 26b; See Levush 391:1

[610] Aruch Hashulchan 385:9; Onei Baruch 12 footnote 12 in name of Ran Moed Katan 11a

The reason: As it is forbidden for the Avel to remove his mind from the Aveilus. [ibid]

[611] Darkei Hachaim 14:1; Nitei Gavriel 113:13

The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to rejoice during Shiva. [ibid; See Michaber 391:1]

[612] Darkei Hachaim 14:1; Nitei Gavriel 113:13

[613] The reason: An Avel is forbidden in matters that can bring to joy, as ruled in 391:1.

[614] Rambam 5:20; Pnei Baruch 20:1

[615] Michaber 391:1; Moed Katan 26b

[616] The reason: As an Avel is forbidden to rejoice during Shiva and if he holds the child in can lead to laughter and enjoyment. [ibid] The Gemara ibid adds that doing so can lead the Avel to being belittled in the eyes of the public.

[617] Salmas Chaim Y.D. 426; Nitei Gavriel 113:9

[618] Michaber ibid “during Shiva”; Bach 391; See Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 2

[619] Nitei Gavriel 113 footnote 16

[620] Nitei Gavriel 113:9

[621] Minhagei Maharash, teacher of Maharim 523; Nitei Gavriel 113:10

[622] Michaber and Rama 391:1-3 regarding Simcha, entering Beis Hamishteh; “Mizmurei Chasan Vekallah”; Zera Emes 5:167; Nimukei Orach Chaim 696 that although there is no explicit source prohibition music, so is learned from the Michaber and Rama ibid, as it is included in the prohibition against entering a Beis Hamishteh; Maharam Shick 368; Pnei Baruch 20:31; See Nitei Gavriel 14:2 footnote 2; Shevet Halevi 2:57; 127; Igros Moshe 1:166;  3:87;  Minchas Yitzchak 1:111; Kinyan Torah 2:99; Yechaveh Daas 3:30; Mishneh Halachos 8:128; Az Nidbaru 10:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:13; 493:4

[623] Shulchan Aruch 393; Nitei Gavriel 112; Pnei Baruch 21

[624] Michaber 390:2; Moed Katan 23a

The reason: In order so the Avel does not forget his state of Aveilus, as when he walks around other people, he removes his mind from his Aveilus. [Terumos Hadeshen 290]

The source of this prohibition: The Aruch Hashulchan 393:1 states that in truth there is no source in the Talmud for prohibiting an Avel to leave the home, as the true meaning of the Gemara in Moed Katan ibid is only that he should not go to Shul, but it says nothing with regards to him leaving the home. Likewise, the Gemara in Moed Katan 21a and Michaber 380 do not list this at all as one of the prohibitions of an Avel.

[625] Rama 393:2; Terumos Hadeshen 290

[626] Rav Akiva Eiger ibid

[627] Nitei Gavriel 112:29

[628] Michaber 393:3

[629] Yosef Ometz p. 330; Nitei Gavriel 112:21

[630] Rama 393:2

[631] Rama 393:3

[632] 393:3

Other opinions: Some communities were accustomed to allowing an Avel to go to Shul to Daven during Shiva. [Minhag Sarkusta, brought in Rivash 158]

[633] Michaber ibid

[634] Rama ibid; Shach 376:8 in name of Minhagim

[635] Shach ibid

[636] 393:1

[637] Shach 393:1

[638] Rama ibid “Part of the third day is considered like the entire third day”; See Kuntrus Matzeivas Moshe [of Chayeh Adam] 4 [Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[639] Michaber ibid; Moed Katan 21b

[640] Gesher Hachaim 21:13-4; Nitei Gavriel 112:3; Pnei Baruch 21:1

[641] Rama ibid “Perhaps it is not an obligation but rather a voluntary matter, and since today people are not comforted as they were in the past, Shev Veal Taaseh is better.”

[642] Implication of Shach 393:1; Beir Heiytiv 393:1; Chasam Sofer 325; Mordechai Moed Katan 921; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:1; Gilyon Maharsha

[643] Michaber 393:1

[644] Michaber 393:2

The reason: Although an Avel is obligated in all the Mitzvos, and hearing the blessings of a Chuppah or Milah is also a Mitzvah, nevertheless this obligation only refers to the positive commands that are dependent on the body, such as Tzitzis and Tefillin, or to perform Mila to one’s child, however not to simply perform Gemilas Chesed. [Shach 393:3 in name of Rosh]

[645] Shach 393:4

[646] Rama 393:3 as explained in Shach ibid; Hagahos Ashri

[647] Elya Raba 132:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[648] Rama 391:2

[649] Rama 393:3; Hagahos Ashri

[650] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral; See Kuntrus Matzeivas Moshe [of Chayeh Adam] 4 [Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[651] Shach 393:5

[652] Rama ibid; Shach 393:6

Other opinions in Rama ibid: Some [Poskim] are lenient even within the first three days of Shiva to allow a Mohel leave the home to perform a Bris even if there is another Mohel available in the city. [Rama ibid; Beis Yosef based on his opinion that allows an Avel to go to Shul for hearing the Torah] Practically, since the Rama ibid rules that an Avel may not go to Shul even for the Torah reading, therefore he may also not perform Mila within the first three days if another Mohel is available in the city. Vetzaruch Iyun as to why the Rama recorded this opinion to begin with. [Shach ibid] 

[653] Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4

[654] Beir Hagoleh ibid based on Darkei Moshe who omitted the word “haircut” and also perhaps here the intent of the Rama in Legaleiach is to remove the nails and not to permit a haircut; Elya Raba 551:28; Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393; Gilyon Maharsha 393

Ruling of Rama ibid: The Rama ibid writes that the Mohel may also “Legaleiach”, which generally means to cut the hair. However the above Poskim explain that in truth this refers to cutting the nails and not the hair.

[655] Rama 391:2

[656] Rama 393:3 as explained in Shach 393:4; Hagahos Ashri

[657] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral

[658] Rama 391:2; Birkeiy Yosef 391

[659] Birkeiy Yosef 391

[660] Michaber 393:2

[661] The reason: Although an Avel is obligated in all the Mitzvos, and hearing the blessings of a Chuppah or Mila is also a Mitzvah, nevertheless this obligation only refers to the positive commands that are dependent on the body, such as Tzitzis and Tefillin, or to perform Mila to one’s child, however not to simply perform Gemilas Chesed. [Shach 393:3 in name of Rosh]

[662] See Nitei Gavriel 112:1 and 10

[663] Shevet Halevi 2:210; See Daas Kedoshim 394; Nitei Gavriel 112 footnote 16

[664] Brachos 54b; M”A 239:7; Pnei Baruch 21:4; Nitei Gavriel 92:10; However see Terumos Hadeshen 290 “If he goes alone or two or three people go with him”

[665] Terumos Hadeshen 290

[666] See Nitei Gavriel 112:14

[667] See Chapter 6 Halacha 1G!

[668] Nitei Gavriel 55:11 footnote 21

[669] Chochmas Adam 165:11; Igros Moshe 2:172

[670] Nitei Gavriel 112:19

[671] Shaareiy Deah 393 in name of Beis Yehuda; Daas Torah 393; Kerem Shlomo 393; Pnei Baruch 21:3; Nitei Gavriel 112:4

[672] The reason: As it is proper for the family to sit Shiva together.

[673] Nitei Gavriel 112:5

[674] The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to leave the Shiva house during Shiva unless it is a case of need. It is also proper for the family to sit Shiva together.

[675] So writes Harav Yaakov Roza, the head of the Chevra Kadisha in Eretz Yisrael, in Kovetz Habracha p. 59 on the basis that such an allowance is not brought in Poskim. However, Tzaruch Iyun, as the Poskim allow traveling for a case of need, and what greater need is there than for the Avel to be comforted. Therefore, it seems that if traveling to the area and receiving his friends to comfort him will have a strong emotional effect on him, then he may do so. However, he may not do so simply to make life easier for his friends.

[676] Tzitz Eliezer 7:19; Nitei Gavriel 112:20 and 114:5 as so is the ruling regarding other matters of Aveilus.

[677] Peri Eliyahu 3:63; Nitei Gavriel 112:12

[678] See Shvus Yaakov 2:99 [permitted in all cases for father and mother due to Kibbud Av Vaeim]; Beis Lechem Yehuda [forbidden for Kibbud Av Vaeim]; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:7; Nitei Gavriel 112:30

[679] Nitei Gavriel 112:27

[680] See Shvus Yaakov Y.D. 1:86; Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 380:1; Teshuvah Meahava 3:412

[681] Shvus Yaakov ibid

[682] Shvus Yaakov ibid

[683] Nitei Gavriel 103:12

[684] Igros Moshe Y.D. 5:60; Nitei Gavriel 112:18

[685] Shach 393:3 that he may leave for the sake of a Mitzvah

[686] See Nitei Gavriel 112:7

[687] Implication of Rama 393:3, brought in Chochmas Adam 167:3; Implication of Taz 696:2 and M”A 696:8 who rule an Avel is not to go to Maariv on Purim night even if he will not have Minyan at home, brought in Matzeivas Moshe 8 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Elya Raba 132:4 leaves this matter as a Tzaruch Iyun, brought in glosses of Rav Akiva Eiger 393; Mateh Ephraim Kaddish 1:8 and Aleph Lamateh ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 393:13; Darkei Chaim 18:4; Chochmas Adam 167:3 leaves this matter with a Tzaruch Iyun and in Matzeivas Moshe ibid he explains the doubt

[688] Initial ruling in Matzeivas Moshe 8, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Ritva Moed Katan 23a; Karban Nesanel on Rosh 3:37; Nimukei Yosef on Moed Katan Perek 3; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 37; Kitzur SHU”A 214:2 regarding neighborhood; Daas Kedoshim 376:4; Minhag brought in Gesher Hachaim 21:6; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 21 footnote 17; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 9

[689] Conclusion of Nitei Gavriel ibid; Tzitz Eliezer in Even Yaakov 57; Gesher Hachaim ibid concludes that if the Minyan is close by he may go even within three days of Shiva, and if it is not so close by he may go only after three days of Shiva and if it is very far he is not to go at all.

[690] Leket Yosher p. 98; Chochmas Adam in Matzeivas Moshe 8; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Kitzur SHU”A 214:2 regarding neighborhood; Shevet Halevi 2:210 regarding Yeshiva building

[691] Shearim Metzuyanim Behalacha; See Yosef Daas 376, brought in Nitei Gavriel 95 footnote 2 that so is the custom

[692] The reason: As Lechatchilah it is not proper for the Avel to recite the blessing of Elokeinu/Birchas Kohanim. [ibid]

[693] Nitei Gavriel 95:2 in name of Yosef Daas ibid

[694] Kneses Hagedola in Baiy Chayi Y.D. 241; Chida in Shiyurei Bracha 393; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[695] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral

[696] Rama 391:2

[697] Chida in Shiyurei Bracha 393

[698] Rama 391:2

[699] See Pnei Baruch 21:11; Piskeiy Teshuvos 470:10

[700] Yad Shaul 393:3

[701] The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to hear words of Torah during Shiva. [ibid]

[702] Peri Hasadeh 4:57; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 52

[703] Leket Yosher 2:98; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos footnote 53 that may go anytime; Mishmeres Shalom Samech 23 that may go after midday; Rav Fisher in end of Sefer Pnei Baruch

[704] Rama 581:1

[705] Mateh Ephraim 581:22; P”M in A”A 585 [end]

[706] Nehar Shalom 581:3; Kaf Hachaim 581:32 based on Pischeiy Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 393:3; See also Michaber/Rama 393:3; Chayeh Adam 167:3; Kitzur SH”A 214:2; Gesher Hachaim 21:6; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 112:7 who bring Poskim that allow going to Shul in order not to miss saying Kaddish, or hearing Kedusha. However other Poskim there argue that one may not go to Shul.

[707] Kneses Hagedola brought in Kaf Hachaim 581:35; See next footnote

[708] M”A 581:5; M”E 581:22; Kaf Hachaim 581:35. However in those areas that they do not increase in Selichos on these days then the Avel may not go to Shul. [ibid] See Admur 604:4 regarding Selichos on Erev Yom Kippur that some places lengthen in Selichos while others shorten the Selichos. Hence the ruling regarding Erev Yom Kippur would depend on the community. To note that the Chabad custom is not to recite any Selichos at all during Aseres Yimei Teshuvah and hence an Avel may not go to Shul on Erev Yom Kippur.

[709] Rama 581:1

The reason: As the lengthy Selichos is viewed with much importance in eyes of the public and if one were to miss it will cause him pain. For this reason, they were lenient for the Avel. [Machatzis Hashekel 581:5]

[710] Mateh Ephraim 581:22

[711] M”E 581:22; Kaf Hachaim 581:35

[712] Darkei Moshe 384:3 in name of Kol Bo 114; Nitei Gavriel 121:10

[713] Mavor Yabok Ater Haketores 1; Nitei Gavriel ibid

[714] Rama 696:4; Machazik Bracha 690 Kuntrus Acharon 1; Beis Yehuda 1:107; Kaf Hachaim 690:116

Ruling of the Michaber: The Michaber 696:5 rules the Avel is not to leave his house to hear Megillah. The M”A 696:6 understands this to argue on the opinion of the Rama ibid. However, the Poskim conclude that in truth there is no dispute and the Michaber is referring to a case that there is a Minyan available in one’s home. Hence, if one does not have a Minyan in his house to hear Megillah then even according to the Michaber he is to go to Shul. [Elya Raba 696:6; Nehar Shalom 696:3; M”B 696:10; Kaf Hachaim 696:23]  

[715] Rama ibid; Michaber 696:5 as explained in Elya Raba 696:6; Nehar Shalom 696:3; M”B 696:10; Kaf Hachaim 696:23

[716] Rama ibid; In such a case it is best for the Minyan to hear the Megillah in Shul and then come to the Avel’s house to have him hear Megillah with a Minyan. [Piskeiy Teshuvos 696 footnote 40]

[717] Peri Megadim; M”B 696:15; See Machazik Bracha 690 Kuntrus Acharon 1; Beis Yehuda 1:107; Kaf Hachaim 690:116 which imply that this applies even for the night reading.

The reason: In order to fulfill the Mitzvah of Pirsumei Nissa. [Beis Yehuda ibid] As the above ruling of the Rama that one is to gather a Minyan at home was in accordance to the ruling of the Michaber that holds one is to keep Aveilus on Purim. However according to the Rama himself that holds Aveilus is not kept on Purim one may go to Shul to hear Megillah even if he has Minyan available at home. [M”B ibid]

[718] Hagahos Chochmas Shlomo 696

[719] M”A 696:8; Taz 696:2; Tur; Levush; Chayeh Adam 154:36; P”M 696 A”A 10; M”B 696:11; Kaf Hachaim 696:24

The reason: As requiring him to stay at home for Minyan is not considered an act of public mourning as there could me many reasons for him not coming to the Minyan. [Taz ibid]

Other Opinions: Some rule that if one does not have a Minyan available at home and is going to Shul to hear Megillah, then he may likewise go to Shul for Maariv. [Kaf Hachaim 696:31; Rav Fisher brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:9]

[720] M”A 696:8; implication of Tur; Chayeh Adam 154:36; Derech Hachaim 2; Peri Megadim 696 A”A 8; M”B 696:13; Kaf Hachaim 696:28; 696:31; Michaber Yoreh Deah 393:3 [allows going to Shul on any day of Torah reading]; Mamar Mordechai 696:3

[721] Michaber 696:5 in name of Rokeiach

[722] M”A 696:10; M”B 696:15; Kaf Hachaim 696:30. [The M”B and Kaf Hachaim ibid limit the above ruling of the M”A to a case that he does not have a Minyan available in his house.]

[723] 559:6; Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:7; Pnei Baruch 21:9

[724] Michaber ibid

[725] Ruach Chaim 559:2; Kaf Hachaim 559:56

[726] M”A 559:8; Elya Raba 559:18; Derech Hachaim 4; Kitzur SHU”A 124:4; M”B 559:24

The reason: Although in general an Avel may not leave his house within the first three days even to visit another Avel, nevertheless in this case it is different as on Tishe Beav everyone is an Avel. [M”A ibid; M”B ibid]

[727] Rabbeinu Yerucham brought in M”A ibid and M”B ibid

[728] Rav Shlomo Kluger, brought in M”B ibid

[729] M”B 559:24 in name of Elya Raba

[730] Admur 71:1 in parentheses; Taz 71:2; Misgeres Hashulchan 341; The following Poskim agree to this ruling if the Chevra Kadisha has taken over the proceedings of the body: Beir Heiytiv 71:4; P”M 71 M”Z 2; Chochmas Adam 153:1; M”B 71:7

[731] The reason: As this honors ones father. [ibid] This ruling of Admur is placed in parentheses possibly due to the other opinions mentioned above that argue. [Chikrei Halachos 5:50]

[732] Igros Kodesh 3:199; 4:107 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:294]; Custom of Rebbe brought in Nitei Gavriel 17:1 [p. 113] and Shulchan Menachem p. 265

[733] Shulchan Menachem ibid footnote 21

[734] Pashut; See Nitei Gavriel 55:19

[735] Michaber 393:2; Moed Katan 23a; Pnei Baruch 22

[736] See Q&A

[737] The reason: This is done as a form of exile, as moving areas is exile. One must conclude that the relative died due to one’s sins and hence one is in need of atonement through exile. [Chochmas Shlomo 393, brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 2] Alternatively, the reason is because the attribute of judgment rests on an Avel [and one hence requires changing of places in order to change one’s Mazal]. [Shem Mishimon Y.D. 32, brought in Pnei Baruch ibid] See Nitei Gavriel 12 footnote 20 for various other reasons mentioned behind this Halacha.

The status of the weeks if a Yom Tov nullified Shiva: If Yom Tov has nullified Shiva, then after Yom Tov is considered the 3^rd week, with exception to after Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. [See Michaber 399:12]

[738] Rama ibid; Hagahos Maimanis

[739] Rama ibid; See also Shach 399:18

Other customs: Some are not accustomed at all to change seating areas if they are an Avel for other relatives and not a parent. [Makor Chaim 128:3, brought in Nitei Gavriel 2 12:1]

[740] Michaber 393:4; Rambam Avel 13 [brought in Beir Hagoleh]; Birkeiy Yosef 393 “One should follow this opinion even if it opposes the custom of his community, if it won’t lead to people thinking he is being haughty”; Panim Meiros 2:123, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4-5; Maharam Shick 369; Rav Poalim 4:33; Igros Moshe Y.D. 257 that so was custom of his father; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 9; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 12:2 footnote 4

[741] Birkeiy Yosef 393

[742] Rama ibid in name of Nimukei Yosef; Radbaz 2:662;

[743] See Rama 400:2 regarding not to switch on Shabbos within Shloshim [for other relatives]; Shevet Halevi 4:152 that so is custom; Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 10

Other opinions: Some write that one is only to follow the Rama ibid, to switch seating areas on Shabbos, within the Shiva or Shloshim, however not throughout the entire year. [Gesher Hachaim 22:3, brought in Pnei Baruch ibid]

The thirtieth day falls on Shabbos: If the thirtieth day [for other relatives] falls on Shabbos one may switch places beginning from Friday night. [Rama 400:2] The same applies if the thirtieth day falls on Purim. [Beis Lechem Yehuda 401:2]

[744] See next footnote in name of Ruach Chaim and Yifei Laleiv who were father and son from Istanbul, Turkey.

[745] Rama ibid and 400:2; Radbaz ibid; Shach 393:7 defends with ruling of Rama; Biur Hagr”a;  Halef Lecha Shlomo 315; Chochmas Adam 167; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15; Aruch Hashulchan 393:3;  Ruach Chaim [Falagi] 393 that so is custom of Izmor; Yifei Laleiv 5:397; Eretz Chaim 383 that so is custom of Tzefas; Igros Moshe Y.D. 257; Shevet Halevi 4:152; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 12:2 footnote 3

The reason: As this is not considered a matter of public Aveilus being that often people change seats in Shul for a variety of reasons. [Levush in name of Nemukei Yosef, brought in Shach 393:7] Alternatively, Aveilus that applies during Shloshim applies also during Shabbos. [Shach ibid based on Michaber 400]

[746] Taz O.C. 526, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 394; Nachalas Shiva 73 regarding a Yoledes; Panim Meiros 2:124; brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 393

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one must sit in a different area even if he arrived to Shul on Shabbos. [P”M 526 M”Z 1 based on Elya Raba 547:7; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:6; Shevet Halevi 4:152]

[747] M”A 548:5 in name of Maharam Melublin 107; P”M 548 A”A 5; Gilyon Maharsha 393; See there for the opinion of the Kneses Hagedola

The reason: As the Aveilus has not yet begun and it is thus not proper to begin it during the festival. [ibid]

[748] Clear implication of Poskim ibid; See Nitei Gavriel 12:5 footnote 8 in name of other Poskim and that so is the custom

[749] Gesher Hachaim 23:3-6; See Nitei Gavriel 12:5 footnote 9 in name of Poskim

[750] Pnei Baruch 22:5 in name of Maharil

[751] Implication of M”A 548:5 in name of Maharam Melublin 107; P”M 548 A”A 5; Gilyon Maharsha 393 that only when he became an Onen on Yom Tov does he not need to switch areas.

[752] See the Rebbe’s reply in next footnote; Rabbi Leibel Groner replied to the following question “Is it our Minhag to change seats during the year of Aveilus? The question applies both during the week and on Shabbos.” Some do and some do not. I was not able to verify our minhag. The Rebbe however did not change seats on Shabbos 

[753] Reply of Rebbe to Rav Gurary [i.e. Rashag], printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 371 and Shulchan Menachem 5:312; Rav Gurary asked the Rebbe if according to our custom the Avel changes seating areas. It is unclear if the question raised was discussing even the weekday or only Shabbos. The Rebbe replied that in Russia he did not see this done, but in Germany he did. In essence, the Rebbe did not give an unequivocal answer regarding the custom of the Rebbeim, and simply replied with the custom of the different countries. It is also unclear, as stated above if the Rebbe’s reply referred even to weekdays.

[754] As the Rama ibid rules that so is the custom throughout the period of Aveilus, and since we have no clear directive that the Chabad custom is not to change areas during the week, therefore one is to follow the ruling of the Rama. However, as Rabbi Groner replied, some are not accustomed to change areas even during the week, and hence one is to follow the ruling of the Rama unless he receives a ruling from his Rav stating otherwise. To note, that up until the start of the third week of Aveilus, changing areas is required from the letter of the law and not just as a custom, and hence the question for a Rav is only with regards to whether one is to switch areas past the second week!

[755] Gilyon Maharsha ibid; Chochmas Adam 167:2 in his ruling of the letter of the law

[756] Chochmas Adam ibid

[757] As the Talmud and Poskim do not mention any stipulation to limit this Halacha to a Shul. [Chochmas Adam ibid]

[758] Chochmas Adam 167:2; Darkei Hachaim 20:7; Pnei Baruch 22:1; Nitei Gavriel 12:15

[759] Nitei Gavriel 12:15 footnote 24

[760] Tzitz Eliezer 7:49 based on Maharam Shick 369; Pnei Baruch 22:1

[761] Lev Avraham 97

[762] Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:7; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15

[763] Gesher Hachaim 22:3

[764] Maharam Shick Y.D. 369; Nitei Gavriel 12:9 that custom is to be lenient

[765] Halef Lecha Shlomo 315; Maharam Shick ibid; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15; Pnei Baruch 22:2 footnote 7; Nitei Gavriel 12:10

[766] See Nitei Gavriel 12:12 footnote 20-21

[767] Ikarei Hadaat Y.D. 36:58; Gilyon Maharsha 393 states that he did not switch seats on Shabbos, with exception to the second Shabbos in which case he did not go to Shul; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 12

[768] The reason: As this will certainly be public Aveilus. [ibid]

[769] Maharam Shick 369; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 13

[770] Shut Magidos [of Peri Megadim] 81; However, see there 89 that he did not actually do this being that he has never seen this done; Pnei Baruch 22:6

[771] See Shut Magidos 89 that he did not actually return to his original place on the Yahrzeit being that he has never seen this done.

[772] Shevet Halevi 4:152

[773] Michaber 393:2; Moed Katan 23a

[774] The Michaber ibid and Gemara ibid state that he may not talk the first three weeks. Now, obviously this is not to be taken literally that he has to remain mute for the first three weeks of Aveilus. At the very least however it seems to imply that one is to avoid speaking in public by events and the like. Or perhaps, it refers to specifically in Shul and is with regards to previous times when people were seated based on position of honor, and were awarded ability to speak accordingly, hence not being awarded the ability to speak was part of the changes that needed to be done in Shul. Vetzaruch Iyun as to the exact definition of this prohibition and to which cases it applies, and which cases are an exception.

[775] Michaber ibid

[776] 391; See Pnei Baruch 20; Nitei Gavriel 2 16-34

[777] 391:2

[778] Final ruling of Rama ibid; See Rama ibid for the differences of opinions regarding different types of meals. These differences are recorded in B. 

[779] Rama 391:2

[780] 1^st opinion in Rama ibid; Terumos Hadeshen 251

[781] 2^nd opinion in Rama ibid; Mordechai

[782] No differentiation is made in Rama ibid; See Taz 391:2-3 and Shach 391:3

[783] The reason: As one is not required to leave his home because of a Simcha taking place there.

[784] Rama ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 166:2; Kitzur SHU”A 212:1; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23 footnote 12

[785] Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6; See however Nitei Gavriel 24:12 footnote 23 for a negation of his opinion

[786] See Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 29; So concludes Nitei Gavriel 24:12

[787] See Sheilas Yaavetz 2:180; Adnei Paz 10, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:4; Yad Halevi 230-2; Gesher Hachaim p. 186; Igros Moshe 3:161; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 32; Nitei Gavriel 28:3

[788] Sheilas Yaavetz 2:180

[789] Taz 385:1; Bach 385 in name of Rabbeinu Yehuda; See Pnei Baruch 31 footnote 13 in name of Gesher Hachaim and Nitei Gavriel 33:4 footnote 8 and 33:7 footnote 13 for an analysis on this ruling and the fact it is omitted in other Poskim

[790] Vetzaruch Iyun from the fact that we permit participating in a meal that is taking place in one’s home, and hence why is one not allowed to invite guests to a meal in his home. However, seemingly there is a difference between a Seudas Mitzvah taking place in one’s home versus a Seudas Reshus, and a Seuda made by others in his home versus a Seuda that he is arranging. Vetzaruch Iyun.

[791] Beir Heiytiv 385:2 in name of Darkei Moshe

[792] See Sheilas Yaavetz 2:180; Pnei Baruch 20:15; Nitei Gavriel 28:8

[793] Michaber 393:2

[794] The reason: Although an Avel is obligated in all the Mitzvos, and hearing the blessings of a Chuppah or Mila is also a Mitzvah, nevertheless this obligation only refers to the positive commands that are dependent on the body, such as Tzitzis and Tefillin, or to perform Mila to one’s child, however, not to simply perform Gemilas Chesed. [Shach 393:3 in name of Rosh]

[795] Rama 391:2

[796] Maharam Mintz 82; brought in Pnei Baruch 20:18 footnote 40; Nitei Gavriel 19:4

[797] See Nitei Gavriel 19:4 in name of Poskim and for cases of exception

[798] Gilyon Maharsha 391 and 392 in name of Kneses Hagedola in name of Mabit 2:99; Igros Moshe 2:169; See Kinyan Torah 4:121; Nitei Gavriel 16:16-18 and Shut 1 p. 743-764; Pnei Baruch 20:10

[799] The reason: As it is their day of Simcha and the Chasan and Kallah will be saddened if they are not present, similar to the allowance of a Yesoma. Now, although this allowance only applies after Shloshim, nevertheless this is certainly considered like a Davar Haaveid and even worse, and hence we permit it even within Shiva. [Igros Moshe ibid; Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[800] Nitei Gavriel Teshuvah 1 based on Rama 391:3 regarding Shushvinin

[801] Nitei Gavriel 16:17

[802] Rama 391:2 that the custom is for an Avel not to attend any meal and Rama 391:3 that this applies Min Hadin if Hasimcha Bimiono will be mentioned by the meal; Taz 391:5; Shach 391:7; Aruch Hashulchan 391:14; See Nitei Gavriel 17:8-12

[803] See Nitei Gavriel 28:4 footnote 10

[804] Rama 391:2 regarding Seudas Nessuin; Nitei Gavriel 17:8

[805] Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 30; See also Nitei Gavriel ibid who is lenient in a time of need

[806] Michaber 393:2; Rama 391:2

[807] Michaber ibid

The reason: Although an Avel is obligated in all the Mitzvos, and hearing the blessings of a Chuppah or Milah is also a Mitzvah, nevertheless this obligation only refers to the positive commands that are dependent on the body, such as Tzitzis and Tefillin, or to perform Milah to one’s child, however not to simply perform Gemilas Chesed. [Shach 393:3 in name of Rosh]

[808]  1^st opinion in Rama ibid and that so is custom throughout entire period of Aveilus

[809] 1^st opinion in Rama 391:2 and the final custom recorded; Nitei Gavriel 24:12; See previous Halacha B for a dispute if this applies even during Shiva!

[810] The circumcision of the son is not to be delayed at all from the first opportunity that it can be done, even if it is within the first three days of Shiva and the child is past the 8^th day from birth. [Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:13]

[811] Shach 393:4

[812] Rama 393:3 regarding Baal Bris; Hagahos Ashri; Shach ibid that the father of the child receives an even more lenient ruling and may leave within even three days

May the Avel Daven in the Shul, in the area of the Bris? Regarding a Baal Bris the Rama ibid writes that he may only arrive for the Bris itself and must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. However, see Shach ibid who is more lenient regarding a father than a Baal Bris in terms of leaving within three days; See also Pnei Baruch 20:3 and Nitei Gavriel 24:2 footnote 2 in name of Daas Kedoshim 391 and other Poskim who allow the father to Daven in the area of the Bris.

[813] Elya Raba 132:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[814] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 in name of Aguda and that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 6 and Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 4 and so he concludes there to be stringent

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father is permitted to wear regular shoes. [Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 3]

[815] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father and mother of the son may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. [One way of learning Rama 392:1; Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim]

[816] Nitei Gavriel 24:4; See however Pnei Baruch 20:3 footnote 9 in name of Poskim

[817] Rokeiach, brought in Shach ibid; Derisha 394:6 in name of Rashal, in name of Rokeiach

[818] Shach 394:2; See Darkei Hachaim 14:9

[819] Rama 391:2; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:5 footnote 13; Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6; Nitei Gavriel 24:11 footnote 2

[820] See Nitei Gavriel 24:11

[821] Rama 393:3; Hagahos Ashri; See Pnei Baruch 20: 8

[822] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral; See Kuntrus Matzeivas Moshe [of Chayeh Adam] 4 [Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[823] Rama 391:2; See Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6

[824] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Darkei Hachaim 14:8; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and 24:10 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

[825] Shach 393:5

[826] Rama ibid; Shach 393:6

Other opinions in Rama ibid: Some [Poskim] are lenient even within the first three days of Shiva to allow a Mohel leave the home to perform a Bris even if there is another Mohel available in the city. [Rama ibid; Beis Yosef based on his opinion that allows an Avel to go to Shul for hearing the Torah] Practically, since the Rama ibid rules that an Avel may not go to Shul even for the Torah reading, therefore he may also not perform Mila within the first three days if another Mohel is available in the city. Vetzaruch Iyun as to why the Rama recorded this opinion to begin with. [Shach ibid]

In the Mohel’s home: He, however, may perform a Bris in his home even within three days of Shiva. [Pnei Baruch 20:8]

[827] Pnei Baruch 20:8

[828] Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4

[829] Beir Hagoleh ibid based on Darkei Moshe who omitted the word “haircut” and also perhaps here the intent of the Rama in Legaleiach is to remove the nails and not to permit a haircut; Elya Raba 551:28; Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393; Gilyon Maharsha 393

Ruling of Rama ibid: The Rama ibid writes that the Mohel may also “Legaleiach”, which generally means to cut the hair. However the above Poskim explain that in truth this refers to cutting the nails and not the hair.

[830] Rama 393:3 as explained in Shach 393:4; Hagahos Ashri; See Pnei Baruch 20:6

[831] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral

[832] Rama 391:2; See Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6

[833] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

[834] Rama ibid does not record any lenient opinion regarding a Sandek. [See Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 14]

[835] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 in name of Mahrikash; See Os Shalom 265:27; Pnei Baruch 20:6 footnote 16; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 24 footnote 14

[836] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 in name of Maharam Mintz 86 in name of Or Zarua; Yad Avraham; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:6 footnote 17

[837] Pnei Baruch 20:3 and Nitei Gavriel 24:1 in name of Poskim

[838] Pnei Baruch 20:4 footnote 12; Nitei Gavriel 23:27

[839] Nitei Gavriel 24:5 in name of Daas Kedoshim 391:4 

[840] Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:4

[841] Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:7 footnote 18 and Nitei Gavriel 24:9 footnote 17

[842] See Nitei Gavriel 28:3

[843] Rama 391:2; See Nitei Gavriel 25:

[844] Shvus Yaakov 2:102; Pnei Baruch 20:9

[845] Elya Raba 132:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[846] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 in name of Aguda and that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 6 and Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 4 and so he concludes there to be stringent

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father is permitted to wear regular shoes. [Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 3]

[847] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father and mother of the son may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. [One way of learning Rama 392:1; Pnei Baruch 20:3 and 9; Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim]

[848] Kneses Hagedola in Baiy Chayi Y.D. 241; Chida in Shiyurei Bracha 393; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[849] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral

[850] Rama 391:2

[851] See Nitei Gavriel 26:12

[852] See Nitei Gavriel 29:4

[853] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:7

[854] Rama 391:2; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2 31:4

[855] Nimukei Orach Chaim 696:1

[856] Michaber 392:1; Moed Katan 23a; See Pnei Baruch 32 and Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 chapter 15

[857] The reason: As there is Simcha by a wedding even if a meal will not take place. [Bach 392]

[858] Michaber 392:2

[859] See Michaber 392:2; Taz 392:5 in name of Rabbeinu Tam that we never allow an Avel to marry during the Shiva even if the needs of the wedding have already been prepared and delaying it will cause a great loss.

[860] Shach 392:1; Bach 392; Chochmas Adam 166:4; Kitzur SHU”A 213:1; See Nitei Gavriel 15 footnote 14 that the custom used to be to make a Kinyan and Tannaim between a husband and his late wife’s sister even prior to the burial of the wife:sister who passed away.

[861] Rama 392:1; Tur; Rosh; Ramban; See Beis Hillel 392 regarding why by Tishe Beav we rule in 551:2 that it is allowed; Taz 392:4, and Shach 392:5 in name of Bach, that this applies even for a widower who did not yet fulfill Peru Urevu. See Taz ibid in his understanding of Rama and Nekudos Hakesef ibid

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to perform Eirusin/Kiddushin during Shiva, even on the day of death. However, a meal and Chuppah may not be made until after the Shloshim. [Michaber ibid; Rambam Avel 6] The reason for this is because perhaps another person will marry the woman instead of him. [Taz 392:1] Likewise, there is not much Simcha involved in the Kiddushin alone. [Beis Hillel ibid]

[862] Taz 392:5 in name of Rabbeinu Tam that we never allow an Avel to marry during the Shiva even if the needs of the wedding have already been prepared and delaying it will cause a great loss

[863] Meir Nesivim 79, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 392:6

[864] Tuv Taam Vadaas Gimmel 245 vehemently negates this allowance; Many Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 15:1 footnote 1 and so he concludes; See Pnei Baruch 32 footnote 7; Igros Moshe 227

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