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Chapter 18: The Prayers and blessings during Shiva
A. Davening in the house of the Niftar:
It is a Mitzvah to Daven with a Minyan Shacharis and Arvis [i.e. Mincha and Maariv] throughout the Shiva in the area that the Niftar passed away [or, if not applicable, then in the house that the deceased lived in]. This applies even if there is no Avel participating in the Minyan [such as if there are no Aveilim]. If, however, there are relatives of the deceased sitting Shiva elsewhere, then it is not necessary to make a Minyan in the home of the deceased [unless there is a male mourner sitting Shiva there]. [Thus, preferably, it is best for the family to sit Shiva in the home of the deceased, and consequently have the Minyanim of the Avel take place there. At the very least, one is to strive to have the first prayer take place in that home. If however the family is unable to do so, then it is not necessary to make a Minyan in the house of the deceased, while they sit Shiva elsewhere, as stated above. Regarding the laws of making a Minyan in the house of the Avel even if it is not the house of the deceased-see Halacha B!]
If there are no mourners that are sitting Shiva elsewhere, a Minyan is to be held in the area that the person passed away, or alternatively in the house of the deceased, even if no mourners will participate in the Minyan. If there are mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva in the house of the deceased, it is not necessary to arrange a Minyan in the home.
Is one to be particular to make a Minyan in the house of the deceased even if he did not pass away at home?
Yes and so is the custom. Thus, although in today’s times it is most common for a person to pass away in a hospital, nevertheless, the family is to strive to sit Shiva in the home that he lived in.
If the Niftar is a child, is one to make a Minyan in the area that he passed away?
If a child who was less than one year of age passed away, one is not to make a Minyan in his house. Nevertheless, the widespread custom today is that if there are male Aveilim in the home, a Minyan is arranged in order so they can Daven with a Minyan.
B. Davening in the house of the Avel:
It is a great Mitzvah, and community responsibility, to arrange Minyanim to take place in the house in which a male Avel is sitting Shiva even if it is not the house of the deceased. Participating in the Minyanim of a Shiva home is a great Mitzvah and is considered part of the Mitzvah of Nichum Aveilim.
If one cannot have a Minyan for all the prayers, which prayer is it best to have a Minyan for?
The daily prayer services at the Shiva home should begin after the funeral. If it is not possible to gather a Minyan for all three daily services, one should arrange that at least one of the three daily prayer services is held. There are different advantages between the various prayers, and one should choose whatever prayer is most viable for the Minyan to gather for.
May a Shul with a set Minyan move its Minyan to the Shiva home for the duration of the Shiva?
Yes. If, however, there are participants of the Shul Minyan who will not be able to make it to the Shiva home, such as the elderly, then one is not to nullify the Shul Minyan for the sake of the Minyan in the Shiva home.
Should a Minyan be held in the Shiva home if there are no male mourners present?
If the Shiva home is the house of the deceased and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, it is proper to make a Minyan in the Shiva home, as explained in A. If however there are male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, or there aren’t, but the Shiva home is not the house of the deceased, there is no need to make a Minyan in the home. Thus, a Shiva home with only female mourners does not have to have a Minyan take place in their Shiva home unless it is the house of the deceased and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere.
Not to raise one’s voice:
One who Daven’s in the Shiva home is not to raise his voice in prayer.
C. Avel joining the Minyan:
An Avel is included in the count of ten men required for the Minyan. [This applies even on the first day of Aveilus.]
*See Chapter 25 for a full discussion on this subject!
Son of the deceased: An Avel [who is the son of the deceased, whether the deceased is his father or mother], is to lead the prayers as Chazan for every weekday prayer [during Shiva, and thereafter until the end of the saying of Kaddish after 11 months], if he knows how to do so. [This applies even if there are other potential Chazanim available.] Having the Avel [for a parent] lead the prayers is of greater benefit [to the deceased] than the saying of Kaddish Yasom, as Kaddish Yasom was mainly instituted for children [under Bar Mitzvah] who cannot yet lead the prayers. An Avel [for a parent] who does not know to lead the prayers is to do so at the very least for [Ashreiy], Lamnatzeiach, and Uva Letziyon.
Other relatives: A mourner [who is not the son of the deceased] is not to lead the prayers as Chazan [during Shiva, and until after the Shloshim] to fulfill the obligation of the congregation, unless there is no other Chazan available who knows to lead the prayers and fulfill the obligation for the public. [Some Poskim, however, rule that this only applies if the Chazan fulfills the obligation for the congregation, however today that the Chazan no longer fulfills the obligation for the congregation and they all Daven on their own, a mourner may lead the prayers even during Shiva. Practically, the custom is to allow a mourner of any type to lead the prayers even during Shiva.]
Shabbos and Yom Tov: It is customary for an Avel [even of a father or mother] not to lead the prayers as Chazan on Shabbos or Yom Tov [throughout the Shiva and the mourning period], even though there is no prohibition in the matter. [Due to the custom, it is forbidden to do so. However, if there is no better Chazan available, then the Avel may lead the prayers.]
Rosh Chodesh: A mourner [during Shiva and during the first eleven months of mourning] does not lead the prayers on Rosh Chodesh, or on any day which has a Mussaf service. This restriction applies even to Maariv and Mincha of Rosh Chodesh.
Days Tachanun is omitted: The mourner of a parent to lead the prayers on all days that Tachanun is omitted, with exception to days that Musaf is recited, and so is the Chabad custom. However, some are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud on all days that Lamnatzieach [and Tachanun] is omitted.
How many sons of the deceased are to lead the prayers?
If possible, all the sons of the deceased should lead all the prayers throughout the entire Shiva and the first 11 months. If there is more than one son of the deceased in the Shiva home and enough people for another Minyan, the prayers may be scheduled at different times, or held concurrently in other rooms.
What does one do if there are no male mourners?
If there are no male mourners, the family is to appoint a Chazan from those gathered for the Minyan.
What does one do if there is a male mourner, but he is unable to Daven for the Amud?
If the mourner cannot lead the service, another person is to be designated as Chazan, and the mourner should recite the Mourner’s Kaddish at the designated points.
Is an Avel for a parent to Daven for the Amud during Shiva even in the event that he is Davening in Shul?
See Halacha 2 in Q&A!
If one has a Yahrzeit on Rosh Chodesh is he to Daven as a Chazan?
Yes. This applies even if he is a mourner, within 12 months of mourning a parent.
E. Lighting candles:
It is customary for the Avel who is leading the prayers as Chazan to light five candles during the services [of Shacharis Mincha and Maariv]. [The candles are placed in front of, or near, the Chazan. The Avel is to personally light these candles and not use candles that were lit by another person. In the event that the Avel is not leading the prayers, the five candles are nevertheless to be lit, if the Avel is participating in the Minyan. If there is no Avel participating in the Minyan, only two candles are lit.]
| Mincha Erev Shabbos, and Maariv Motzei Shabbos:
The widespread custom is not to light candles by Mincha of Erev Shabbos and Maariv of Motzei Shabbos.
2. Going to Shul if no Minyan is available in the Shiva home:
*See chapter 19 Halacha 17B for the full details of this subject!
An Avel during Shiva may not leave his house to go to Shul or to the Beis Midrash, with exception to Shabbos. The Sephardim, however, are accustomed to allow an Avel during Shiva to go to Shul on any day in which the Torah is read [for the sake of the Torah reading]. However, in the Ashkenazi communities, the custom is for the Avel to not leave his home [even for Torah reading]. [Some Poskim rule an Avel may not leave his home to go to Shul during Shiva even if he does not have a Minyan available at home and will be forced to Daven in private, and miss the saying of Kaddish. Other Poskim however rule it is permitted for an Avel to go to Shul during Shiva if a Minyan is not available in his home. Practically, one may be lenient to go to shul to say Kaddish, and hear Kedusha and Barchu if he is pained over the fact that he will not be with a Minyan. According to all opinions, an Avel may participate in a Minyan that is taking place in his courtyard [i.e. apartment building] if he is unable to arrange a Minyan in his home. According to all opinions, the Avel is not to travel to a further distanced shul if a closer Shul is available.]
An Avel may be lenient to go to shul to say Kaddish, and hear Kedusha and Barchu if he is pained over the fact that he will not be with a Minyan.
Is the Avel to be Chazan when he Davens in a Shul during Shiva?
Some Poskim rule that the Avel is not to lead the prayers as Chazan when Davening in a Shul during Shiva. If, however, he has a Yahrzeit, or it is his Beis Midrash, then he may Daven for the Amud. Practically, unlike the above opinion, it is permitted for the Avel to lead the prayers as Chazan during Shiva even when Davening in a Shul. In such a case, the Avel is to recite Elokeinu or Birchas Kohanim in his repetition.
May a son below Bar Mitzvah go to Shul to say Kaddish for his father?
A son below Bar Mitzvah who is an Avel for a parent may go to Shul to say Kaddish.
3. Tefillin during Shiva:
First day: On the first day of mourning, which is the day of burial, it is forbidden for a mourner to put on Tefillin. [Some Poskim, however, rule one is to wear the Tefillin without a blessing on the first day of mourning, after the burial. Practically, the widespread Chabad custom is to wear Tefillin without a blessing on the first day of Aveilus, after the burial. Many do so even in public, although others are particular to do so only in private. The Chabad custom is to wear even Tefillin of Rabbeinu Tam. According to Chabad custom, all this applies even if the day of death and the day of burial are the same day. If the burial takes place close to sunset, or the end time of Shacharis, then the Tefillin are to be put on right after the burial, but outside the cemetery.]
Second day: On the second day of Shiva, the Avel is obligated to wear Tefillin. [The mourner is obligated to remove his mind from the sadness, and focus on his Tefillin, while he is wearing them.] Nevertheless, he is to only put them on after sunrise. Likewise, if new people came [on the second day] to give comfort [Panim Chadashos], which is people that were not there the previous day, then he is not to place them on in front of them, and is rather to wait until they leave. Nevertheless, in the event that he already put them on and then the new arrivals came, he is not required to remove the Tefillin. [This only applies on the second day, while on the third day and onwards he may wear the Tefillin even in the face of Panim Chadashos.]
On the first day of Shiva one is not to wear Tefillin. Nonetheless, the widespread Chabad custom is to wear Tefillin without a blessing. However, some are particular to do so only in private. On the second day of Shiva, one wears Tefillin after sunrise with a blessing, although he is to be particular to wear them prior to the arrival of new comforters.
If the person was buried at night does one wear Tefillin the next day?
No. However those who are accustomed to wear Tefillin on the first day of mourning, as is the Chabad custom, then the Tefillin are worn without a blessing. Some Poskim however suggest that even a blessing may be recited.
If the deceased was buried during Chol Hamoed, may Tefillin be worn on Isru Chag, which is the first day of mourning?
Yes. One is to wear the Tefillin with a blessing.
May an Avel wear Tefillin of Rabbeinu Tam during Shiva?
Some Poskim rule an Avel is not to wear Tefillin of Rabbeinu Tam throughout Shiva. Others Poskim rule an Avel is to wear Tefillin of Rabbeinu Tam. Practically, the Chabad custom is to wear Rabbeinu Tam even on the first day of Shiva, and even in public. One is to recite all four Parshiyos of Shema and Vehaya while wearing Rabbeinu Tam, just as is done during the regular year.
Does a Chasan wear Tefillin on the first day of Shiva?
In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, the Chasan is to wear Tefillin on the first day of Aveilus. See Chapter 13 Halacha 10C for the full details of this matter!
| Tallis during Shiva:
An Avel is to wear a Tallis Gadol/Katan during Shiva just as he does any other time of the year. This applies even on the first day of mourning.
An Avel recites Birchas Hashachar as usual on each day of Shiva, with exception to the first day of Shiva, if the burial took place after daybreak, in which case Birchas Hashachar is not recited, as explained in Chapter 3 Halacha 24A!
Does a mourner recite the blessing of Sheasa Li Kol Tzarki during Shiva?
Does a mourner recite Birchas Hatorah on the first day of Shiva, after the burial?
Yes. See Chapter 4 Halacha 24A!
Some Poskim rule an Avel is not to recite the Parsha of Karbanos, Eizehu Mikoman, Pitum Haketores [or Parshas Akeida, or the Terumas Hadeshen] during Shiva. Other Poskim, however, rule an Avel may recite Karbanos and Pitum Haketores as usual. Practically, a mourner who is particular to say it every day, is to say all the Karbanos and other parts of Davening. [This, however, is with exception to the Yehi Ratzon which is said before the Parshas Hatamid and Eizehu Mikoman, and Ribono Shel Olam said after the Akeida, which are not said on all days that Tachanun is omitted, and is hence to likewise be omitted by the mourner.]
Nesias Kapayim in Eretz Yisrael/Sephardim: The custom is that an Avel who is a Kohen does not perform Nesias Kapayim during Shiva. This applies even if the Avel is the only Kohen present in the Minyan [and even on Shabbos]. [This applies even in those areas, such as Jerusalem, that are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim daily, or on Shabbos. This applies even if the Avel is Davening in Shul during Shiva [see Q&A]. Likewise, in the Shiva home, many are accustomed that the Kohanim that are present by the Minyan do not perform Nesias Kapayim even if they are not Aveilim, even in those areas such as Jerusalem that are accustomed to perform Nesias Kapayim daily. In such a case the Kohanim are to leave the Shul prior to the start of Ritzei. If, however, the Kohen who is an Avel was told prior to the conclusion of Birchas Haavoda [i.e. Ritzei] to perform Nesias Kapayim, or to wash hands, he is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim. Regarding if the Avel performs Nesias Kapayim after Shiva, during his period of Aveilus, see Chapter 25 Halacha 6C!]
Elokeinu/Birchas Kohanim in Chazan’s repetition: Some Poskim rule that Elokeinu is not recited in the Shiva home during the Shacharis repetition, and rather the Chazan goes straight to Sim Shalom after completing the blessing of “Hatov Shimcha.” Others however, rule that Elokeinu is to be recited. Practically, the custom is to omit Elokeinu. [However on Shabbos, Elokeinu is recited even if one is Davening in the Shiva home. The same applies on Purim and any time that public Aveilus is forbidden.]
Nesias Kapayim is not performed in the Shiva home during Shiva even in areas that perform Nesias Kapayim daily, such as in Jerusalem. Likewise, Elokeinu is omitted from the Chazan’s repetition in the Shiva home, and rather the Chazan goes straight to Sim Shalom after completing the blessing of “Hatov Shimcha Lecha Naeh Lehodos”. If the Avel is a Kohen, he does not perform Nesias Kapayim even when Davening in Shul, and even if he is the only Kohen present, and even on Shabbos.
If the Avel is davening in Shul during Shiva, is Elokeinu to be recited and is Nesias Kapayim to be performed by the congregation in those places accustomed to do so?
Yes. Elokeinu is to be recited and Nesias Kapayim is performed in those communities accustomed to do so daily. This applies even if the Avel is the Chazan, nevertheless, he is to recite Elokeinu, and recite Yevarechicha for the Kohanim in areas that perform Nesias Kapayim. [Some however are accustomed to have another person say Yevarechicha for the Kohanim in such a case.]
Nesias Kapayim for the Avel if he is a Kohen: If the Avel is a Kohen and is Davening in Shul during Shiva, then he is to leave the Shul prior to Ritzei, as stated above. If, however, he is the Chazan in Shul and there are no other Kohanim in Shul, then he is to perform Nesias Kapayim in those communities accustomed to do so daily.
Tachanun [Lamnatzeiach, Keil Erech Apayim, Tefila Ledavid before Shir Shel Yom] is omitted in the house of an Avel throughout the seven days of Shiva. [This applies by all the prayers; Shacharis, Mincha, Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita. This applies even if the Avel is not participating in the Minyan, such as the Avel is a woman or child, and applies to all the rooms of the Shiva home even if the Avel is not present in that room.] Even after the Minyan is complete, and the congregation returns home, they are not required to make up the recital of Tachanun.
If a Minyan is taking place in the house of the deceased, but there are no Aveilim present who are sitting Shiva, is Tachanun to be recited?
If the deceased passed away in this home, then Tachanun is omitted. If, however, the deceased did not pass away in this home and there are no Aveilim in the home, then Tachanun is recited even though it is the house that the deceased lived in.
Is Tachanun recited on the seventh day of Shiva if the Minyan for Mincha is taking place in the Shiva home?
If the Avel during Shiva comes to Shul to Daven, is Tachanun to be recited?
The Avel: The Avel does not recite Tachanun during Shiva irrelevant of where he Davens.
The rest of the congregation: If an Avel is in a shul during the Shiva [and is not Davening for the Amud], some Poskim rule that the congregation recites Tachanun. Other Poskim however rule that the entire congregation omits Tachanun just as is the law by a Chasan. [Practically, the rest of the congregation is to recite Tachanun, unless they have an accepted custom otherwise. If, however, the Avel is Davening for the Amud, according to all Tachanun is omitted. Likewise, if the congregation came to the Minyan in Shul specifically for the sake of the Avel, Tachanun is not recited.]
Q&A on Selichos
Is Selichos of Elul/Aseres Yimei Teshuvah recited in the house of an Avel?
At the house of an Avel, Selichos is recited without the confession prayer [of Ashamnu] and without Nefilas Apayim. However, some Poskim rule that one is to recite the confession prayer within the Selichos recited prior to Davening. Some suggest that the Minyan is to recite Selichos in a nearby home in which the person did not pass away, and they are then to recite the confession prayer within Selichos. Some are accustomed to reciting an abridged form of Selichos.
Is Avel to lead the Selichos prayer during Shiva? Some Poskim write that an Avel who is within Shiva is not to lead the prayers of Selichos, or any of the prayers during the days that Selichos is recited. [The Chabad custom is that the Avel leads the prayers on all of these days.]
Is Selichos of a fast day recited in the house of an Avel?
Is Avinu Malkeinu recited in the house of an Avel?
May an Avel during Shiva recite the Seder Yom Kippur Katan on Erev Rosh Chodesh?
This matter is debated amongst the Poskim.
E. Hallel in the house of a mourner:
Rosh Chodesh: The custom is to omit the saying of Hallel on Rosh Chodesh when praying in the house of a mourner. [This applies even if the Avel is not participating in Minyan, such as the Avel is a woman or child. This applies likewise to a Minyan taking place in the home of the deceased without any Aveilim, such as when there are no relatives sitting Shiva.] Nevertheless, after each member of the congregation returns home, they are obligated to recite Hallel [with exception to the Avel]. [The above is the letter of the law. The worldly custom however is to ask the mourners to leave the room by Hallel, and have the Minyan say Hallel without them. The mourners then return after Hallel and say Kaddish. Alternatively, the Minyan leaves to a different room for the saying of Hallel. See footnote regarding the Chabad custom. According to all customs, the Avel himself may not say Hallel on Rosh Chodesh.]
Chanukah: During Chanukah, Hallel is recited in the house of the Avel just as it is recited in Shul. The Avel is to also recite Hallel with the congregation. He however does not lead the prayers for Hallel. The people present are not to sing the Halel when it is being said in the Shiva home.]
On Shabbos Rosh Chodesh, is Hallel recited when Davening in the Shiva home?
Yes. Even the Avel recites Hallel, as brought next!
Does the Avel recite Hallel on Shabbos Rosh Chodesh?
Does the Avel recite Hallel on Rosh Chodesh if he is Davening in Shul during Shiva?
Does the Avel recite Hallel on Rosh Chodesh if it is the seventh day of Shiva?
Some Poskim rule he does not recite Hallel even after getting up from Shiva that day after Shacharis. Other Poskim rule he is to recite Hallel after Shacharis. Some suggest that the mourners are to be comforted prior to Shacharis, or immediately after Shemoneh Esrei, and then say Hallel together with the Minyan in the Shiva home.
Does an Avel recite Hallel on Chol Hamoed, prior to the start of Aveilus on Motzei Chag?
See Halacha 5!
G. Veani Zos Brisi in Uva Letziyon:
H. Kaddish Tiskabel:
One is to recite Tiskabel in Kaddish Shaleim that follows Uva Letziyon, and after Mincha, Maariv, even during Shiva. This applies even if the Avel is leading the prayers. However some Poskim rule one is to omit it just like on Tishe Beav.
I. Ein Kelokeinu:
One is to recite Ein Kelokeinu after Shir Shel Yom, just as is done every day.
One is to recite Aleinu Leshabeiach, just as is done every day.
Daily Tehillim: The daily Tehillim [part of Chitas] is recited after Davening. The Avel however is to recite it quietly and have the last verse recited aloud by another person.
Psalm 49: In the house of a mourner, the congregation recites Psalm 49 after Shacharis and Mincha. [It is recited after Mishnayos and Kaddish Derabanan.] The Avel is also to recite Psalm 49 after Davening and conclude the last verse out loud. Kaddish Yasom is recited after the conclusion of the Psalm. On days that Tachanun is omitted [i.e. Mincha Erev Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah, Purim, Nissan, Tishreiy, starting from after Yom Kippur, etc] Psalm 49 is not recited. Many are accustomed to recite Psalm 16 in its place, which is then followed by Kaddish Yasom. On Shabbos, Yom Tov, Chol Hamoed, and Purim, no Psalm is recited.
When is Psalm 49 to be recited; Before or after the daily Tehillim; Before or after Mishnayos?
The order is as follows:
1. Daily Tehillim and Kaddish Yasom
2. Mishnayos and Kaddish Derabanan
3. Psalm 49 and Kaddish Yasom
Is Psalm 49 recited on Mincha Erev Shabbos?
No. Many are accustomed to reciting Psalm 16 in its stead, which is then followed by Kaddish Yasom. Others do not say any Psalm in its place.
If the Avel is Davening in Shul, should Psalm 49 be recited?
L. Mishnayos after Davening:
The custom is for an Avel [of a parent] to recite Mishnayos after Davening of each prayer [Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv] during Shiva, and throughout the 11 months, and on the Yahrzeit, as explained in Chapter 25 Halacha 8. During the Shiva, however, the Avel does not recite Mishnayos after Davening, due to his prohibition against learning Torah. Rather, one Mishnah is read aloud and the Avel then says Kaddish Derabanan. [The custom is to have another person in the Minyan, who is not an Avel, recite the last Mishnah of Mikvaos chapter 7 and the Agadic saying of Rebbe Chanania aloud, which is then followed by Kaddish Derabanan by the mourner. This applies even on Shabbos during the Shiva.] After the reading of the daily Tehillim by Shacharis [before Psalm 49], and after the last Kaddish Yasom by Mincha and Maariv, the Mishnah is read.
Learning Mishnayos in the Shiva home:
It is proper for those who are not Aveilim to learn Mishanyos in the Shiva home throughout the Shiva. [Some are accustomed to have the Minyan learn Mishnayos between Mincha and Maariv in the Shiva home. Some learn the Mishnayos in correspondence to the Hebrew name of the deceased. The Avel however may not participate in the learning being he is prohibited in Torah learning.]
One is to donate money to charity before or after each prayer, in merit of the deceased. It is better to donate a small sum of coins each day than to give a single lump sum. The amount given should be varied each time, so it does not enter the status of a vow. The accumulated moneys should be distributed to various charities on the eve of the following Rosh Chodesh.
5. Kerias Hatorah:
A. Is an Avel obligated in hearing Kerias Hatorah?
An Avel is obligated to hear Kerias Hatorah, just like anyone else.
|Must an Avel stand upon seeing a Sefer Torah being moved?
|Keil Erech Apayim:
The prayer of Keil Erech Apayim normally recited prior to taking out the Sefer Torah on Mondays and Thursdays is not recited in the Shiva home.
B. May a Sefer Torah be brought to the house of an Avel during Shiva?
Some Poskim rule one is not to bring the Sefer Torah to the house of the Avel, and rather after Davening the congregation is to go to Shul for Kerias Hatorah. Other Poskim however rule it is permitted to bring a Sefer Torah to the house of the Avel. Practically, the custom is to bring the Sefer Torah to the house of the Avel for the Shiva prayers. The Sefer Torah must be set up in an ark some time prior to the Keriah and remain there for at least one to two days. [The Rebbe had a Sefer Torah brought to his mother’s home during the Shiva.]
Must one read from the Sefer Torah three times? It is not required to read from the Sefer Torah on three different occasions, and hence one is not required to make a Minyan in the Shiva home also on Shabbos for Shacharis or Mincha, in order to have three readings. However, some Poskim are stringent in this matter and accordingly rule that in addition to reading on Mondays and Thursdays, the Shiva home must also arrange a Minyan on Shabbos for the Torah reading.
C. Receiving an Aliyah:
It is forbidden for an Avel to receive an Aliyah throughout Shiva. This applies even if the Avel is a Kohen and there is no other Kohen available in the Minyan. [Rather a Yisrael is to be called up in his place. Initially, it is best for the Kohen to leave the room in such a case, as explained in the Q&A!]
On Shabbos: It is forbidden for an Avel to receive an Aliyah even on Shabbos. If, however, he is the only Kohen [or Levi] available in the Minyan, then he may receive an Aliyah. [Some Poskim however rule that it best for the Kohen to leave the Shul and have a Yisrael called up in his place if this is not an uncommon practice in the Minyan. It is however disputed amongst Poskim if this likewise applies to a Levi.] Likewise, in any case in which not getting an Aliyah on Shabbos will cause the mourning to be publicized to the Minyan, then it is an obligation for him to get an Aliyah. Thus, if the Avel was accidently called up for an Aliyah on Shabbos, he must go up. Likewise, if he is accustomed to always receive a certain Aliyah, then he must go up for that Aliyah even if the Gabaiy does not call him by name. [Based on this, the Rebbe was accustomed to receive an Aliyah on Shabbos during Shiva, as he did on every Shabbos.]
Q&A on Aliyah during the week
During the week, if the Avel is a Kohen/Levi is he to leave the room prior to the Aliyah?
If the Avel was accidently called up for an Aliyah during the week, is he to go up?
No. This applies even if he is a Kohen. However, some Poskim rule he is to go up for the Aliyah.
If the Minyan is made up of Aveilim, may an Avel receive an Aliyah?
May an Avel during Shiva be a Gabaiy and give out the Aliyos?
Some write that he is to avoid doing so.
May an Avel during Shiva receive an Aliyah if he has a Chiyuv, such as a Yahrzeit, or a Baal Bris, and the like?
May an Avel receive an Aliyah on the 7th day of Aveilus if it falls on a Monday, Thursday or fast day?
Shacharis: The Avel may not receive an Aliyah by Shacharis unless he was already comforted and got up from Shiva. In the event that he has a Yahrzeit on that day, or other Chiyuv, he is to have the comforters comfort him before Shacharis, or before Kerias Hatorah, and then rise from Aveilus. He may then get an Aliya by Shacharis.
Mincha [on as a fast day]: The Avel may receive an Aliyah by Mincha.
Q&A on Aliyah during Shabbos
May a Chasan get an Aliyah to the Torah during Sheva Brachos?
The Chasan may receive an Aliya to the Torah on Shabbos, as is regularly done.
May an Avel prior to Shiva receive an Aliyah during Simchas Torah?
May an Avel receive an Aliyah on Shabbos day if it is the 7th day of Aveilus?
Shacharis: Although from the letter of the law he is allowed to receive an Aliyah during Shacharis, practically, he is not to do so. [However, in the event of a Yahrzeit on that day, or other Chiyuv, he may receive an Aliyah.]
Mincha: The Avel may receive an Aliyah by Mincha.
May an Avel during Shiva read the Torah?
Weekday-Mondays and Thursdays: An Avel may not be the Baal Korei.
Shabbos: An Avel may not read the Torah even on Shabbos. If an Avel is the set Baal Korei in Shul for Shabbos, he is to avoid Davening in that Shul during Shiva. If he does Daven in that Shul, then some Poskim rule he may read the Torah for the Minyan. Other Poskim however rule he is not to read it.
May an Avel during Shiva perform Hagba/Gelila/Pesicha?
Sitting down: If the Avel does Hagba, he may afterwards sit down on a chair with the Sefer Torah.
D. The half Kaddish-Is an Avel during Shiva to recite the half Kaddish after the reading?
Some Poskim rule an Avel during Shiva is not to recite the Half Kaddish that follows Kerias Hatorah, even if he is generally accustomed to do so during the mourning period. Others rule the Avel may recite it, and so is the Chabad custom.
|Is Yehi Ratzon to be recited after the Torah reading?
Those communities that are accustomed to reciting Yehi Ratzon after the Torah reading, are to do so also during Shiva in the Minyan of the Avel.
6. Hamotzi and Birchas Hamazon:
Hamotzi: In a mourner’s home, the most prestige of those present who are comforting the mourners is to recite the Hamotzi over the bread on everyone’s behalf [and not the mourner]. However, on Shabbos, the Avel recites the Hamotzi on behalf of those present, as is usually done.
Distributing the bread: In general, when distributing pieces of bread to those participating in the meal, the bread is to be placed in front of each person, and they then each take the bread from in front of them. If, however, one of the participants is a mourner, the bread is to be placed in the mourner’s hand. This however only apply during the week, while on Shabbos [since] there is no mourning [the bread is placed in front of him].
Birchas Aveilim: [From the letter of the law] when Birchas Hamazon is recited in the home of an Avel throughout the seven days of Shiva, the fourth blessing is to include a statement of mourning. The blessing is read as follows:“Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam… Hamelech Hachaiy Hatov Vehameitiv Keil Emes Dayan Emes Shofet Betzedek Lokeiach Nefashos Bimishpat. Shalit Beolamo Lasos Bo Keritzono, Ki Kol Derachav Mishpat Veanachnu Amo Veavadav, Ubechol Anu Chayavim Lehodos Lo Ulivarcho Goder Pirtzos Yisrael, Hu Yigdor Es Hapirtza Hazos Meialeinu Umeial Avel Zeh Lechaim Uleshalom Harachaman…” In the Shiva home, they are not careful to recite the three Hatavos and three Gemulos that are normally recited as part of the fourth blessing, as they are not mentioned in the Talmud. This applies to both the Avel who is reciting Birchas Hamazon, as well as others who ate with him and are joining for the Zimun. This applies even on Shabbos, if the mourners are eating amongst themselves. If however there are other people present, it is not recited on Shabbos. In addition, some are accustomed to add in the third blessing the dialect of Nachem for mourners, and conclude the blessing “Menachem Tziyon Uboneh Yerushalayim”. [Practically, it is no longer customary amongst Ashkenazi Jewry to recite any of these blessing or added dialects in Birchas Hamazon, and rather the regular dialect is followed as recited the rest of the year. This is likewise the Chabad custom.]
Zimun: A mourner [who ate a meal with other men] joins a Zimun whether of three or of ten. [This applies at all times, throughout Shiva and the period of Aveilus, with exception to the Seudas Havraah, as explained in Chapter 14 Halacha 4-See there! With regards to which meals it is permitted for an Avel to attend, see chapter 19 Halacha 20.] Some are accustomed to add in a Zimun taking place in the Shiva home “Nevarech Menachem Aveilim Sheachalnu Mishelo”. [Practically, this is not the widespread custom.]
Leading the Zimun: It is customary for the Avel to lead the Zimun throughout the Shiva. Furthermore, it is proper for the son to try to lead the Zimun throughout the year [i.e. 12 months] of Aveilus. This however is not necessarily a Chabad custom.
If one lost his father or mother, is he to still recite the Harachaman that mention his father/mother in Birchas Hamazon?
The Chabad custom is to recite the dialect as usual even after their passing.
A regular Maariv prayer, beginning from Shir Hamaalos is prayed in the Shiva home.
8. Kiddush Levana:
Some Poskim rule a mourner is not to recite Kiddush Levana during his seven days of mourning if the seven days will end prior to the 10th of the month. If, however, it will end on the 10th of the month or onwards, then he is to say it even within the seven days. [It may be said even within the first three days of mourning. However some Poskim rule it may not be said within the first three days of mourning, as brought below.] Other Poskim rule a mourner may not say Kiddush Levana within the seven days of mourning even if there will only be one night remaining for him to say Kiddush Levana after the end of mourning. If, however, there will not be any days left after the mourning to recite it, then he is to do so during the seven days. Other Poskim rule one is only to refrain from saying Kiddush Levana during the first three days of mourning, while after the first three days it may be said at any time.
Practical ruling: One may not say Kiddush Levana during the seven days of mourning if the period of mourning will end before the 10th night of the month. One may say Kiddush Levana within the seven days of mourning if the mourning period will end past the 15th night of the month. It is disputed if one may say Kiddush Levana within the seven days if it will end on the 10th night or onwards, prior to the 15th. One is to be lenient in months that are rainy and cloudy and there is chance that one may lose the opportunity to say Kiddush Levana.
Q&A on Avel
When a mourner says Kiddush Levana within his seven days of mourning is he to say it outside under the sky or in his house near a window?
Some Poskim rule the mourner may leave his house to say Kiddush Levana. Other Poskim rule it is to be said inside the house near a window if it is possible to see the moon from there. If this is not possible then it may be said outside.
May an Avel during Shiva say Kiddush Levana with the Minyan/congregation?
Some Poskim rule it is permitted for him to say Kiddush Levana together with the congregation. Other Poskim however rule he is to say it without a Minyan. [Practically, one may be lenient to say it with a Minyan in order to recite the Kaddish afterwards.]
May an Avel during Shiva say Shalom Aleichem in the Nussach of Kiddush Levana?
May an Onen recite Kiddush Levana?
No. If, however, this is the last opportunity to sanctify the moon, some Poskim rule it is permitted to do so if the Onen gave over the funeral preparations to the Chevra Kadisha. However, other Poskim rule it is forbidden to say it even if this is the last opportunity. Practically, the custom follows the latter opinion. Nonetheless, one who desires to be stringent upon himself to say it is to contact a Rav.
Kiddush Levana near a cemetery:
One may not say Kiddush Levana in a cemetery. Rather he is to distance himself from it in order to say it.
9. Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita:
The mourners, and all those residing in the Shiva home, are to recite Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita as on days that Tachanun is omitted.
10. The blessing of Shehechiyanu:
It is permitted for a mourner to recite the blessing of Shehechiyanu during Shiva in all cases that it is to be recited [i.e. on a new fruit; upon lighting Chanukah candles; upon reading the Megillah on Purim; upon receiving the inheritance from his deceased relative; upon the birth of a son or daughter].
Reciting a public Shehechiyanu: A mourner within Shiva, Shloshim or 12 months for a parent, is to avoid reciting a public blessing of Shehechiyanu, such as by a public Menorah lighting or public Megillah reading.
11. Birchas Hagomel:
An Avel may recite the blessing of Hagomel during Shiva, although he may not receive an Aliyah to the Torah for its sake. [Some Poskim, however, conclude that if there are only three days remaining to the Shiva then it is better for the mourner not to recite the blessing of Hagomel during Shiva.]
12. Birchas Hachama:
It is permitted for a mourner during Shiva to recite Birchas Hachama. [He, however, should not go to a public event for the sake of doing so.] It is, however, forbidden for an Onen to recite this blessing, as is the law by all blessings.
13. Birchas Aveilim:
In previous times, it was customary to recite a number of blessings in the middle of the street, or in the house of the Avel, during each day of Shiva. See Chapter 16 Halacha 4D for the full details of this subject!
 See Nitei Gavriel Chapter 93-94, 101-102
 Rama 376:3 in name of Maharil; Rama 384:3 in name of Or Zarua; Levush 376:3; Daas Torah 384 in name of Ramban
 Starting from after the burial.
 See Q&A!
 The reason: Doing so gives Nachas Ruach to the soul of the deceased. [Rama 384:3] As the soul of the deceased is hovers in the area that he passed away. [Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 35; Daas Torah 384 in name of Ramban]
 Rama 384:3 and 376:3; One especially needs to Daven there if there are no mourners sitting Shiva. [See Rama in name of Maharil ibid; Shabbos 152a]
 Rama 376:3; Levush 376:3; Aruch Hashulchan 376:7; Nitei Gavriel 91 footnote 5; See Pnei Baruch 10:18 footnote 31
 Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 35; Kitzur SHU”A 207:5; Nitei Gavriel 91:1-2
 Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3 based on Beis Yosef end of 393; Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 32
 Nitei Gavriel 91:2 based on Pirkei Derebbe Eliezer 37; Rokeaich 316; Tanya 67 that the soul of the Niftar comes to the home that he lived during the Shiva
 Rav Akiva Eiger 384 in name of Chidushei Gershoni
 Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3; Nitei Gavriel 91:6; Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 30
 Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3; Nitei Gavriel 112:11; Pnei Baruch 10:18
 The reason: As the Avel may not leave his home during Shiva, and hence he needs a Minyan to be arranged there. [ibid]
 Shiltei Giborim Moed Katan 20; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 91:5
 On the one hand, it is preferable to arrange a Minyan for Maariv, when the attributes of judgment and severity are strongest. On the other hand, Mincha also contains great spiritual meaning, and in Shacharis one has a lot more Kaddeishim and Amens being answered.
 Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 32; Nitei Gavriel 91:7
 The reason: As we do not find any source for requiring a Minyan by the Shiva home when it is not the home of the deceased. The only reason it is accustomed to make a Minyan is for the sake of the male mourners, so they can join a Minyan, if however there are no male mourners in the home then doing so is superfluous.
 Leket Yosher in name of Or Zarua, brought in Pnei Baruch 10:19
 Michaber 379:5; Rama 384:3; Or Zarua; Mordechai; M”B 55:24
 Rav Akiva Eiger 384
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule an Avel does not count as part of the Minyan on the first day of Aveilus. [Maharal, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]
 Rama 376:6; Admur 53:26; M”A 53:24; Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Implication of Rama ibid who says that it is greater than the Avel saying Kaddish and only an Avel for a parent recites Kaddish; Nitei Gavriel 93 footnote 1 in name of: Shaareiy Deah 383; Lechem Hapanim 383; Kneses Yechezkal 44; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:7; Shalmei Tzibur p. 189b; Kitzur SHU”A 210:5; Teshuvah Meahava 1:50 and 3:384; Makor Chaim 282; Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; Dudaei Hasadeh 47;
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva and that the custom is not to be Chazan anytime during the 12 months. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam that so is custom even though from letter of law is permitted]
 Poskim ibid in explanation of Rama; See however Admur ibid “If one is a mourner for a father, and desires to pray for the Amud as is done by mourners”
 Beis Hillel ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam; Ikarei Hadat O.C. 3:9; Makom Shmuel; Yifei Laleiv 5:376] The reason for this is because it is considered like learning Torah which is forbidden during Shiva. Alternatively, as the attribute of judgment is on the Avel and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]
 See Rama ibid
 The reason it is allowed: Although an Avel is not found in a state of joy, nevertheless he may lead the prayers, and on the contrary it is best for him to do so being that he has a broken heart. [Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Mirothenberg 249]
 Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid and footnotes of previous ruling
 Michaber 384:3; Tur 384 in name of Rosh; Bach in name of Maharam regarding Shiva
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even other relatives who are mourners may Daven for the Amud during Shiva and Shloshim. [See Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Mirothenberg 249 [regarding after Shiva]; Peulas Tzadik 3:188; Nitei Gavriel 93:1 footnote 1]
 Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid
 See Bach 384; Maharam Mirothenberg 249; Derisha 384:3
 The reason: As the attribute of judgment is on the Avel and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]
 Maharam Shick 370; Chelek Halevi 133; Derech Hachaim; Misgeres Hashulchan 384; Nitei Gavriel 93:2
 Minhagei Worms p. 103; The Rebbe was Chazan during Shiva and throughout the 11 months in 1988 after the passing of his wife the Rebbetzin
 Rama 376:6; Teshuvas Maharil
 Shach 376:14
 Shach 376:14; Maryu 47
 Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; Bach 384; Gr”a; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149; Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 [English]; See P”M 108 in M”Z and 671 M”Z 8; Minhagei Chasam Sofer 1:14; Biur Halacha 132; Kuntres Ramach Osyos 225 [by Rav Shmuel Gronam] that so was custom of the Rebbe Maharash during year of Aveilus for Tzemach Tzedek
 The reason: Some Poskim rule that an Avel does not lead the prayer on any day of joy in which Lamnatzeiach is omitted. [Noam Megadim p. 43] Some rule the reason is because on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43] Others rule the reason is because on these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]
 Poskim ibid; Rebbe ibid
Other opinions: Some communities are accustomed that an Avel leads the prayer for all the Tefilos other than Musaf. [brought in Igros Kodesh 24:149; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132 footnote 162] If this is the custom of one’s Shul or one’s community then he is to follow this custom and lead the prayers, even if his personal custom is not to do so. [Igros Kodesh ibid; See there that the person who Davened for the Amud was from Vilna and followed the Gr”a who ruled an Avel is not to Daven for the Amud on Rosh Chodesh. Nevertheless, he respected the community custom and did so a few times. Each time he began feeling really sick during Davening and hence asked the Rebbe if perhaps the cause for this is because he is breaking his custom of the Gr”a. The Rebbe replied that he is not to pay attention to this being that he followed the custom of his Shul and that he was obligated to do so according to some Poskim.]
 Admur 131:5; Maharil 22; Elya Raba 582:22; Sefer Haminhagim p. 161 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Maharam Shick 183; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 683:2
 The reason: As the congregation is now found in a state of joy which is similar to Shabbos and Yom Tov. [Admur ibid; Maharil ibid; Elya Raba ibid]
 Hiskashrus 908 p. 15
 Sefer Haminhagim [English] p. 161 regarding Chanukah and the same would apply to Purim; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]
 Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Elya Raba 582:22; Biur Halacha 132; Minchas Elazar 2:32; Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:8. On Purim Hameshulash they likewise do not Daven for the Amud on Friday or Sunday. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]
 Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; See Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 and 178 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31
The reason: The reason is because only on these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]
 Implication of Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Noam Megadim p. 43; M”B 132 “Kuntrus Mamar Kaddeishim”; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31
The reason: As on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43]
 Igros Kodesh 3:459 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:305]
 Igros Kodesh 14:430; Minchas Yitzchak 9:134
 Sefer Hamamarim 5708 p. 146; Igros Kodesh 16:12; Toras Menachem 2 p. 125; Sefer Haminhagim p. 19 [English]; Shulchan Menachem 5
 The reason: Each of the five candles correspond to one of the five levels of the soul which are Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chaya, and Yechida.
 Torah Leshma 520 that the son himself is to light the candle on behalf of his father or mother; Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680; Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, recorded in Reshimos 183:11
 Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680
 Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680
 393:3; See Nitei Gavriel 112:7
Other opinions: Some communities were accustomed to allowing an Avel to go to Shul to Daven during Shiva. [Minhag Sarkusta, brought in Rivash 158]
 Michaber ibid
 Rama ibid; Shach 376:8 in name of Minhagim
 Implication of Rama 393:3, brought in Chochmas Adam 167:3; Implication of Taz 696:2 and M”A 696:8 who rule an Avel is not to go to Maariv on Purim night even if he will not have Minyan at home, brought in Matzeivas Moshe 8 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Elya Raba 132:4 leaves this matter as a Tzaruch Iyun, brought in glosses of Rav Akiva Eiger 393; Mateh Ephraim Kaddish 1:8 and Alef Lamateh ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 393:13; Darkei Chaim 18:4; Chochmas Adam 167:3 leaves this matter with a Tzaruch Iyun and in Matzeivas Moshe ibid he explains the doubt
 Initial ruling in Matzeivas Moshe 8, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Ritva Moed Katan 23a; Karban Nesanel on Rosh 3:37; Nimukei Yosef on Moed Katan Perek 3; Mishmeres Shalom Yud 37; Kitzur SHU”A 214:2 regarding neighborhood; Daas Kedoshim 376:4; Minhag brought in Gesher Hachaim 21:6; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 21 footnote 17; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 9
 Conclusion of Nitei Gavriel ibid; Tzitz Eliezer in Even Yaakov 57; Gesher Hachaim ibid concludes that if the Minyan is close by, he may go even within three days of Shiva, and if it is not so close by, he may go only after three days of Shiva and if it is very far, he is not to go at all.
 Leket Yosher p. 98; Chochmas Adam in Matzeivas Moshe 8; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:2; Kitzur SHU”A 214:2 regarding neighborhood; Shevet Halevi 2:210 regarding Yeshiva building
 Kneses Yechezkal 44:34; Peulas Tzaddik 3:188; Shearim Metzuyanim Behalacha; See Yosef Daas 376, brought in Nitei Gavriel 95 footnote 2 that so is the custom; See Nitei Gavriel 93:1 footnote 2
 The reason: As Lechatchila it is not proper for the Avel to recite the blessing of Elokeinu/Birchas Kohanim. [ibid]
 Nitei Gavriel ibid
 Nitei Gavriel 95:2 in name of Yosef Daas ibid
 Shach ibid
 Admur 38:5; Michaber Orach Chaim 38:5; Yoreh Deah 388:1-2; Moed Katan 21a; Sukkah 25b; Kesubos 6b; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6; Pnei Baruch 12:2-11; Nitei Gavriel 82; See Chikrei Minhagim 4:119 for a lengthy discussion on this subject
 This implies that even if the person passed away several days prior to burial, one is not to wear Tefillin on the first day of Aveilus. [M”B 38:16 and all Poskim in next footnote; However see other opinions in next footnote who argue]
One who started Shiva before burial: One who starts Shiva before burial, such as one who is in a different country and does not plan to attend the burial, in which case he begins Shiva as soon as the corpse has been handed to the Chevra Kadisha [See Chapter 13 Halacha 7], then his first day of handing to the Chevra Kadisha is considered his first day of Shiva, and he does not wear Tefillin [unless he follows the lenient custom to do so, but without a blessing], however the next day he may wear Tefillin with a blessing, even if it is still before the burial. [Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 82:25]
Shemua Kerova-Started Shiva after burial: A Shemua Kerova has the same status as the day of burial and the Avel is forbidden to wear Tefillin on that day. [Shach 388:1; Taz 388:1; Masaas Binyamin 82; Ramban; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 38:15 and Nitei Gavriel 82:8 footnote 12; See Minchas Elazar 2:20] Regarding if one heard the Shemua Kerova, or the burial occurred, during the day, but after he already Davened Maariv-See Poskim in Pischeiy Teshuvos 388:2
Shemua Rechoka: If one received news of the death and burial after thirty days, he may wear Tefillin with a blessing. [Michaber 402:2; Shach 402:2; M”B 38:16; Kaf Hachaim 38:19; Pnei Baruch 12:5]
Miscellaneous scenarios: Regarding if one did not keep Aveilus for whatever reason and is now keeping it within the Shloshim-See Pnei Baruch 12:9 that he is to wear Tefillin the first day; Regarding one who arrives to the Gadol Habayis, and if he should wear Tefillin that day-see Poskim in Pnei Baruch 12:8 and Nitei Gavriel 82:9; Regarding if a Chasan had a relative pass away during the Sheva Brachos-se Pnei Baruch 12:7 that he is to wear Tefillin; Regarding if the person was buried by Bein Hashmashos-See Mishmeres Shalom Taf-50 that he is to wear Tefillin the next day without a blessing, although other Poskim rule one is to wear it with a blessing after sunrise, and so is the final directive. [Daas Kedoshim 388; Miaseif Lekol Hamachanos 38:21; Nitei Gavriel 82:6]
 Admur ibid; Michaber O.C. and Y.D. ibid; Elya Raba 38:3, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 388:1; Birkeiy Yosef 38:2 and 388; P”M 38; Degul Merivava 388; Zichron Yitzchak 2 in name of Mishnas Chachamim, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 388:1; M”B 38:16; Kitzur SHU”A 211:2; Maharshag 1:52; Likkutei Maharich; Derech Hachaim 8; Chesed Lealafim 38:3; Ben Ish Chaiy Chayeh Sara; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 38:16 and Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 34 and Nitei Gavriel 82:4 footnote 7; Or Letziyon 1:6; Darkei Chesed p. 239
Hand Tefillin: This prohibition applies to all Tefillin, whether the head or the arm. [See Maharil Diskin 8; Michtivei Torah Gur 29]
The reason: As the Tefillin are called “Pear/Beauty” as the verse states “Pearcha Chavush Alecha”, and a mourner is wallowing within the dust of his forehead, and it is not beauty to place an ornament under ash. [Admur ibid; Tosfos Brachos 11a; See Beis Hillel 388]
Other opinions-If the day of death is not the day of burial: According to Admur and the Poskim ibid, the above prohibition applies even if the day of burial is not the day of death. However, some Poskim rule that if the day of burial is not the day of death then the Tefillin is to be worn with a blessing, being that Aveilus is only Biblical on the first day, which is the day of death. [Maharitz Perek Eizehu Neshech 13, brought in Beir Heiytiv 38:4; Ritva Sukkah 25, brought in Miaseif Lechol Hamachanos 38:13; Minchas Elazar 2:4; Levushei Mordechai 1:221; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 82:4 footnote 8] Based on this, some Poskim conclude that if it is not the day of death one is to place Tefillin without a blessing, in private. [Chayeh Adam 14:19; Chochmas Adam 165:18; Toras Yekusiel 18; Beir Yitzchak 32; Mahari Asad 1:14; Rav SZ”A brought in SSH”K 64 footnote 132; Yabia Omer 2:27; Minhag Yerushalayim; See Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 34 and Nitei Gavriel 82:4 footnote 9; Chikrei Minhagim 1:265] Some Poskim rule one may wear the Tefillin even with a blessing. [Minchas Elazar 2:4 and Os Chaim Veshalom 38:4] See Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 34 and with regards to Purim and Erev Pesach after midday, and person passed away on Shabbos; See Chikrei Minhagim 1:265; Levushei Mordechai 1:221 concludes each is to follow his custom
 Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 34 that so is the custom of some; Mishmeres Shalom 7:2 that the prohibition only applied regarding wearing the Tefillin for the entire day; Daas Kedoshim 388 that it is not a prohibition, but an exemption; All Poskim in previous footnote regarding if the day of burial is not the day of death
 Rebbe in Toras Menachem 20:202 “Our custom is to put on Tefillin also on the first day”; Hisvadyus 1988 2:585 “According to Halacha one does not put on Tefillin on the first day, however practically we do so, as did the Rebbe Rayatz” [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:271]; Chikrei Minhagim 1:265; Heard from Rav Groner in name of elder Chabad Rabbanim: Rav Shmuel Levitin; Rav Yisrael Jacobson; Rav Eliyahu Simpson;
Other customs in Chabad: To note that a) The above talks of the Rebbe were said in private and are not edited; b) The above directive was not included in Sefer Haminhagim. c) In Darkei Chesed p. 239 he unequivocally writes that one does not put on Tefillin on the first day. Accordingly, there are Chabad Rabbanim who rule even today to not wear Tefillin on the first day of mourning even without a blessing. [So rules Rav A.L. Hakohen of Beitar, and so did his father Rav Avraham Hirsh Hakohen.]
 So is accustomed today by Chabad funerals of the Aveilim to wear the Tefillin after the burial even though it is in full view of the participants of the funeral. However, many Poskim rule one is to wear the Tefillin only in private, and so I received in the name of some Chabad Rabbanim. [Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 34 and Nitei Gavriel 82:4 footnote 9]
 Rebbe in Hisvadyus 1988 2:585; See Beir Heiytiv 38:5; Rav Akiva Eiger; Birkeiy Yosef 38:4; Shulchan Hatahor 37:1; Os Chaim Veshalom 38:5; Kaf Hachaim 38:21
 Based on Mavor Yabok ibid; See Chikrei Minhagim ibid; Mishmeres Shalom 7:2; Daas Kedoshim 388; See Chikrei Minhagim ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 33; Nitei Gavriel 82 footnote 1
Other opinions: Even according to those Poskim that rule one is to be lenient to wear the Tefillin on the first day when it is not the day of death, in this case they would all agree it is forbidden to wear Tefillin. [Kinyan Torah 4:120; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 34]
 See Admur 45:1; Chapter 28 Halacha 7B!
 The reason: As the main bitterness [and pain] is only for one day, as the verse states “And their end is like a bitter day.” [Admur ibid]
During crying and eulogy: Even on the second day, the Avel is not to wear the Tefillin during times of crying and eulogy. [Michaber Y.D. 388:2
 Michaber Y.D. 388:2
 Admur ibid; Michaber Y.D. ibid; M”B 38:19
The reason: As by then already some of the time in which one can put on Tefillin has already passed, and we say that Miktzas Hayom Kekulo. [Admur ibid]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may wear the Tefillin on the second day even before sunrise. [Bach, brought in Shach 388:1; Implication of Michaber 38:5, brought in M”B 38:18; Kaf Hachaim 38:14 that so is implication of Poskim and Arizal that the prohibition does not apply on the second day; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 82:2 footnote 3; Kaf Hachaim ibid concludes that one may be lenient in time of need.]
 Admur ibid; M”A 38:5; Rav Akiva Eiger 388:1; M”B 38:20; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 82:3 footnote 4
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may even initially put on Tefillin in front of Panim Chadashos on the 2nd day. [Implication of Michaber 38:5, brought in M”B ibid; Kaf Hachaim 38:22 that so is implication of Poskim and Arizal; See Nitei Gavriel 82:3 in name of Poskim that the custom of many is to be lenient]
Chabad custom: Seemingly, according to the Chabad custom to wear the Tefillin even on the first day, these restrictions do not apply. Vetzaruch Iyun, as in this case a blessing is being made.
 Darkei Moshe 388 in name of Mordechai, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 388:1, however see there that Rav Akiva Eiger questions this ruling stating that from the Gemara it is implied that even on the third day and onwards the Avel may not put the Tefillin on in the presence of Panim Chadashos.
 Shaareiy Teshuvah 38:2; M”B 38:16; Kitzur SHU”A 211:2; Aruch Hashulchan 388:2; Kaf Hachaim 38:16; Nitei Gavriel 82:5
 Mishmeres Shalom 7:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 38:6 footnote 35
 See Mishmeres Shalom ibid
 Birkeiy Yosef 38:3 and Y.D. 388:2; Machazik Bracha 388:2; Elya Raba 38:3; Shalmei Tzibur; Chesed Lealafim 38:3; Beis Lechem Yehuda Y.D. 388; Gilyon Maharsha 388; Ben Ish Chaiy Chayeh Sara 12; M”B 38:16; Kitzur SHU”A 211:2; Kaf Hachaim 38:18
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule he may not wear Tefillin on the first day of mourning even if the relative was buried during Chol Hamoed. [Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 388, brought in Gilyon Maharsha ibid and Kaf Hachaim ibid; Shvus Yaakov 2:25, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 399:3]
Wearing Tefillin on first day of Chol Hamoed: Those who wear Tefillin on Chol Hamoed are to do so even on the first day [i.e. the day of burial] being that the Aveilus has not yet begun. [M”A 548:5; See Nitei Gavriel 82:24]
Buried on Yom Tov: If the burial took place on the last day of Yom Tov, the Avel may wear Tefillin on Isru Chag. [Elya Raba 38:3, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 388
 The reason: As although this is the first day of mourning, nevertheless the sadness of the mourners has dissipated being that they were comforted during Chol Hamoed. [ibid]
 See Kaf Hachaim 38:21; Pnei Baruch 12:11; Nitei Gavriel 82
 Ruling of Arizal brought in Shaar Hamitzvos Vayechi; Beir Heiytiv 38:5; Rameh Mipuno 107; Soles Belula 38:3; Shalmei Tzibur p. 36; Rav Akiva Eiger; Birkeiy Yosef Y.D. 388:3 concludes Shev Veal Taaseh Adif [as opposed to his ruling in next footnote]; See Kaf Hachaim 38:21
 Rashash in Nehar Shalom p. 19b; Birkeiy Yosef 38:4 that so was custom of Rashash and the source in Arizal is not accurate; Beis Oved 12; Chesed Lealafim 38:3; Shaareiy Teshuvah 555:1; Ben Ish Chaiy Chayeh Sara 12; Kaf Hachaim 38:21; Os Chaim Veshalom 38:5 [to put on in private]; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 78; Nesiv Hachaim 247:5 that so was custom of Rav Hillel of Paritch; See Shulchan Hatahor 37:1
 Rebbe in Hisvadyus 1988 2:573-585 and 548-549 [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:272]; Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 [English]; See Kovetz Heichal Baal Shem Tov 30:14; Kovetz Oholei Torah 1031:19; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 27] that the Rebbe Rayatz wore also his Rabbeinu Tam Tefillin and Shimusha Raba
The reason: As if an Avel has a diminishing of intellect then even more so is he in need for the Tefillin of Rabbeinu Tam. [Rebbe ibid]
 See Nitei Gavriel 98:9
 Daas Kedoshim 342:4 [see there regarding if burial occurred on last day of Sheva Brachos]; Gesher Hachaim 18:4; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:1
 Darkei Moshe 384; Perisha 384:1; Nitei Gavriel 82:22
 Kaf Hachaim 46:17; Ben Ish Chaiy Vayeishev 9; Shalmei Tzibur; Birkeiy Yosef 46:3; Shaareiy Teshuvah 46:7; Kitzur SH”A 209:5; Chaim Beyad 125:14; Kaf Hachaim Falagi 9:11; Siddur Yaavetz; Kesher Gudal 5:19
 Custom brought in Admur 55:3, M”A 50:1, and Kneses Hagedola 50 regarding Eizehu Mikoman; Zichron Yitzchak 6, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:17; 384:2; P”M 1 A”A 11; Kitzur SHU”A 210:4; M”B 1:17 and 51:1; So rule regarding not saying Ketores on Tishe Beav: Rama 559:4 and M”A 559:7 and M”B 559:20; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 94 footnote 6 and 9
 Daas Kedoshim; Shulchan Hatahor 1
 Daas Kedoshim
 The reason: The reason for this is because it is forbidden for the Avel to learn Torah [Admur ibid] and it is not considered Seder Hayom, as not all people recite it daily, and it is thus considered like learning Torah. [M”A 559:7; M”B 559:20] Alternatively, it is because an Avel may not offer Karbanos. [P”M ibid; See Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid; Kitzur SHU”A ibid]
 Chomos Yerushalyim 14, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 384:2
 Admur ibid “This custom is incorrect, as whatever parts are considered Seder Hayom is not included in the Torah learning prohibition relevant to a mourner as explained in chapter 554 and Y.D. 384”; Ashel Avraham Tinyana 559 regarding saying Ketores on Tishe Beav being that today it has become like the Seder Hayom; See Nitei Gavriel 94:4 footnote 9
Custom of Rebbe Rayatz and Rebbe to say silently: During Shiva, the Rebbe Rayatz instructed for another person to conclude the Braisa of Rebbe Yishmael out loud. [Toras Menachem 41:44] Likewise, Pitum Haketores, and every Mishnah and Braisa, the Rebbe Rayatz had another person recite aloud. [Toras Menachem Reshimos Hayoman p. 413] The Rebbe is reported to have done the same, including by Pitum Haketores of Ein Kelokeinu. [Toldos Levi Yitzchak 2:411] See Shulchan Menachem 5:273
 Siddur Admur that on days that Tachanun is not recited these prayers are omitted.
Should the non-Mourners who are joining the Minyan also omit the Yehi Ratzon and Ribono Shel Olam? It is to be omitted in the Shiva home. [See Nitei Gavriel 101:2 in name of Poskim; Ketzos Hashulchan 14 footnote 1 regarding difference between Chasan and Bris, and seemingly here too it should be omitted as it arouses judgment in the home] Certainly, however, it may be said prior to reaching the Shiva home.
 Admur 128:55; Michaber 128:43; Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25; See Gesher Hachaim 20:3-5; Nitei Gavriel 95:5-6; Pnei Baruch 10:25; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87
Other opinions/customs: Some Poskim rule an Avel is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim, even during Shiva. [Radbaz 2:1; Shulchan Gavoa 384:8; Kaf Hachaim 128:253 based on Poskim and Mekubalim; See Shalmei Tzibur p. 185] Some Jerusalemite families of Kohanim are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim during Shiva. Some do so only on Shabbos, and some do so even during the weekday. [Kaf Hachaim ibid; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87] They are however not to perform Nesias Kapayim on the first day of Shiva. [Kaf Hachaim ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]
 The reason: As he is not found in a state of joy, and a Kohen who blesses Klal Yisrael is to be found in a state of joy, and gladness of heart, as we find by Yitzchak who asked for delicacies to be made for him prior to him giving the blessings. [Admur ibid; M”A 128:64; Shivlei Haleket 23] However, from the letter of the law he is obligated to perform Nesias Kapayim. [Admur ibid]
 Pashut, as Admur applies it even on Yom Tov
 Admur ibid; M”A ibid; M”B 128:157
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that on Shabbos or Yom Tov if he is the only Kohen in Shul, he is to perform Nesias Kapayim, as it is forbidden to show public Aveilus. [Aruch Hashulchan 128:61; Kaf Hachaim 128:256; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Beir Moshe 7:206; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87]
 Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25 and footnote 52 as so rules the Michaber
Other customs: Some Jerusalemite families of Kohanim are accustomed to performing Nesias Kapayim even when they are Aveilim during Shiva. Some do so only on Shabbos, and some do so even during the weekday. [Kaf Hachaim 128:253; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Pnei Baruch 10:27; Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87] See Gesher Hachaim ibid and Nitei Gavriel 95:5 in name of Poskim that if he is the only Kohen in Shul, he is to perform Nesias Kapayim on Shabbos as otherwise it is public Aveilus. However, from Admur ibid it is clear that the above custom applies even if he is the only Kohen in Shul and even on Yom Tov. See Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87 footnote 394 who records a dispute in Poskim on this matter.
 Gesher Hachaim ibid
 Custom of many, brought in Gesher Hachaim ibid; Pnei Baruch ibid; Nitei Gavriel 95:5; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 128:87 footnote 388
Other opinions/customs: Some rule that Nesias Kapayim is to be performed in the Shiva home in Jerusalem by Kohanim who are not Aveilim. [Shaareiy Teshuvah 122:1; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid] So is the custom of the Sephardim. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]
 Admur 128:55; M”A 128:4; Biur Halacha 128:43
The reason: In order so people do not say that [the reason the Kohen is not moving his feet prior to Ritzei is because] the Kohen is a Pagum. [Admur ibid; M”A ibid; Ketzos Hashulchan 23:25]
 The reason: In order so he does not transgress a Biblical command. [Admur ibid; M”A 128:4]
 See Gesher Hachaim ibid; Nitei Gavriel 95:1; Pnei Baruch 10:26
 Elya Raba 559:13 in name of Kneses Hagedola 559:11; 131:13; Shivlei Haleket Semachos 22; Tanya Rabasi 68; Shalmei Tzibur p. 185; Siddur Yaavetz; Siddur Derech Hachaim; Rav Akiva Eiger 131; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid
 Degul Merivava 127; Chayeh Adam 27:25; Teshuvah Meahava 1:50; Shaareiy Teshuvah 122:1 that Minhag Yerushalyim is to say it; Kaf Hachaim 128:262; Gesher Hachaim 5 concludes it should be said; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid
 Nitei Gavriel ibid; So is the widespread custom today, and so was done by the Rebbe when he led the prayers during Shiva; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 27] that Birchas Kohanim was not said when the Rebbe Rayatz sat Shiva for his mother
 Nitei Gavriel 95:4 in name of Yosef Daas 376
 Poskim ibid
 See Shaareiy Teshuvah 128:75; Gesher Hachaim ibid; Nitei Gavriel 95:2 and 6
 Nitei Gavriel 95:6
 Shaareiy Teshuvah 128:75 in name of Bigdei Kehuna 2; Kaf Hachaim 128:259
 Admur 131:5; Michaber 131:4; Taz 376:2; Shivlei Haleket 30; Rokeiach 316; Beir Heiytiv Y.D. 376:2; See Piskeiy Teshuvah 131:16; Pnei Baruch 10:20; Nitei Gavriel 95:7-10
 This includes Vehu Rachum that is recited on Mondays and Thursdays. [Admur ibid]
Yom Kippur Katan: See Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 43 regarding if an Avel may recite the Seder Yom Kippur Katan on Erev Rosh Chodesh
 P”M 131 A”A 10 and M”Z 15; Beis Yosef 393; See however Elya Raba 131:9; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 98:3 footnote 7
 P”M 131 M”Z 15; Derech Hachaim; Kitzur SHU”A 25:2; M”B 131:35; Nitei Gavriel 97:9
 Siddur Admur; See Kaf Hachaim 131:58
 The reason: As the seven days of mourning are connected to the seven days of Yom Tov regarding the prohibition against doing Melacha, as the verse states “And I will turn your festival to mourning.” [Admur ibid] Alternatively, the reason is in order not to increase the judgment in the home. [M”B 131:30 in name of Levush]
 Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7; Derech Hachaim
 Shulchan Hatahor 131:10; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:16
 Admur ibid; Taz 131:9; Mamar Mordechai 131:12; Chayeh Adam 32:33; Kitzur SHU”A 22:5; Kaf Hachaim 131:68
The reason: As Tachanun is meant to be recited immediately after Shemoneh Esrei, and hence once it is pushed off from its established place it is completely pushed off. The same applies for Vehu Rachum. [Admur ibid]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the congregation is required to make up the recital of Vehu Rachum. [M”B 131:30] Likewise, some Poskim rule after Davening one is to make up the recital of Tachanun. [Rokeiach, brought in Taz 376:2; Beir Heiytiv 376:2]
 Shaareiy Teshuvah 131:10 in name of Birkeiy Yosef and Peri Hadama that so is Minhag Yerushalayim; Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7 “House of deceased”; Kaf Hachaim 131:67 “Area of death”; Gesher Hachaim 1 20:3 and Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:16 footnote 90 explain that this law only applies to the house that the deceased passed away in.
Other opinions: Some Poskim leave this matter in question. [Elya Raba 13, brought in M”B 131:30]
 Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7; Derech Hachaim; Daas Torah 131 in name of Sefer Hachaim
 M”B 131:30; Kitzur SHU”A 22:5; Kaf Hachaim 131:60
 Kneses Hagedola 131:15; Elya Raba 131:9; Chayeh Adam 32:33; Kitzur SHU”A 22:5; M”B 131:30; Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 131:60
 The reason: As the attribute of judgment is not apparent outside of the Shiva home. [Kneses Hagedola ibid]
 Mamar Mordechai 131:11, brought in Kaf Hachaim
 Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:16; Nitei Gavriel 95:9; So is implied from Admur 131:5 who writes house of the Avel and not “and when there is an Avel in Shul” and so rules Ketzos Hashulchan ibid, however perhaps Admur ibid omitted an Avel coming to Shul being that an Avel may not leave the home; See Darkei Hachaim 21:3 regarding if the Avel is part of the ten men needed for the Minyan
 Gesher Hachaim 1:20-3-10
 Nachamu Ami in name of Shenos Chaim 8; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Nitei Gavriel 95:12
 See Piskeiy Teshuvos 581:5
 Alef Hamagen 581:44; See P”M 131 M”Z 9
 Mahariy Asad 353
The reason: As one only omits the confession prayer within the regular set prayer of Shacharis or Mincha and not by the extra prayer of Selichos. [ibid]
 Alef Hamagen 581:44
 See Gesher Hachaim; Pnei Baruch 10:22
 Mahariy Asad 353; Alef Hamagen 581:44; Piskeiy Teshuvos 581:5; See Taz 131:9; Yoreh Deah 384
Regarding Selichos of a Taanis Tzibur: Some Poskim rule Avel does not recite Selichos. [Ketzos Hashulchan ibid footnote 28 in name of Divrei Nechemia; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:25] However from the Mahariy Asad ibid it is implied that he recites Selichos.
 The reason: As these days are days of judgment and it is thus improper to arouse extra judgment during mourning. [ibid]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the Avel is to recite Selichos and Viduiy [P”M 131 M”Z 9 based on Levush; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 147]
 Kitzur SHU”A 128:8; M”E 581:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 581:14
 Taz 384:1; Mahariy Asad 353; Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7 footnote 28; Alef Hamagen 581:44; See Taz 131:9; Yoreh Deah 384; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:25; 581:5; Nitei Gavriel 95:14
 Taz ibid; Poskim ibid
 Mahariy Asad 353; Ketzos Hashulchan 24:7; Alef Hamagen 581:44; See Taz 131:9; Yoreh Deah 384; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:25; 581:5
The reason: As these days are days of judgment and it is thus improper to arouse extra judgment during mourning. [ibid]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that Viduiy is to be recited. [P”M 131 M”Z 9 based on Levush; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 147]
 P”M 131 M”Z 12 [However see P”M 685 that the Avel himself may say Selichos]; Divrei Nechemia [Hashlama] 131:7; Ketzos Hashulchan ibid footnote 28 based on Divrei Nechemia ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:25; See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 95:14
Regarding Selichos of Elul: Seemingly according to all the Avel is to recite Selichos without the Tachanun.
 Mahariy Asad 353; P”M 131 M”Z 9 based on Levush and in 685; Yehuda Yaaleh Yoreh Deah 353; Daas Torah 581; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 147; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 95:14
 Elya Raba 131; Siddur Yaavetz; M”E 602:11; Shivlei Haleket Semachos 22; Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 160 based on directive of Rebbe; Piskeiy Teshuvos 602:2; Darkei Chesed p. 161
 See Nitei Gavriel 102:4
 Admur 131:5; See Nitei Gavriel 96; Pnei Baruch 10:28; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:20
 Admur ibid; M”A 131:10; Taz 422:2 and in Y.D. 376:2; Rokeiach 316; Tanya 68; Kneses Hagedola 422:5; Peri Chadash 422:2; Elya Raba 131:9; Kaf Hachaim 131:61
The reason: The reason for this is because the rectal of the verse “Lo Hameisim YeHalleluka-The dead do not praise G-d” within the house of the mourner is making a mock of the deceased. [Admur ibid; Taz 422 ibid in name of Rokeiach] Alternatively, the reason is because the Beis Havel is not a place of Simcha. [Pardes Rashi; Shivlei Haleket 22; Rokeiach ibid] See Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 1
Other opinions: Some are accustomed to reciting Hallel on Rosh Chodesh in the Beis Havel. [Minhag Sefarad brought in Kneses Hagedola and Peri Chadash ibid; Kaf Hachaim ibid]
Deceased is a child: See Gesher Hachaim 20:3 that if the child was below 6 years of age, Hallel is to be recited. See however Nitei Gavriel 96 footnote 4 in name of Makor Chaim that it is omitted even in such a case.
Shiva home is not the house of the deceased: See Darkei Chesed p. 171 who writes that if the Shiva home is not the house of the deceased than Hallel is recited, with exception to the Avel. Vetzaruch Iyun as I have not found such a source for this statement in Poskim, and it is also contrary to the simple meaning of Beis Havel!
 Shulchan Shlomo 131:4; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 96:2
 Darkei Chesed p. 171
 Admur 131:5 in parentheses; Kaf Hachaim 131:61 “So seems to be the main ruling”; See Chikrei Halachos 7:28 that Admur placed this ruling in parentheses due to the dissenting opinions brought next; See Darkei Chesed p. 171 that one is not required to repeat Hallel afterwards
The reason: (As the obligation to recite Hallel applies throughout the day and is not obligated to be said immediately after Shemoneh Esrei. This can be seen from the fact that at times the Sages instituted for it to be said even before the prayer, as explained in 422. It goes without saying that it may be said after the prayer, anytime throughout the day. This applies even for one praying in private on Rosh Chodesh. It was only instituted to be said immediately after the prayers due to “Zerizim Makdimim Lemitzvos”. [It is thus not similar to the saying of Tachanun which is not repeated after leaving the house of the Avel, as Tachanun was instituted to be specifically said after Shemoneh Esrei and hence once it was differed it is no longer said even upon the individuals return home.] Furthermore, [it is not similar to Tachanun as] Tachanun was exempt from being said during its obligatory time due to the mourning of the Avel to which the day is like his holiday. However, Hallel was never exempted from being said and it is simply that it cannot be said in the house of the mourner due to “Loeg Larash”. Therefore, they are required to leave the house and read Hallel just like one who is praying on the road and met a cemetery immediately after Shemoneh Esrei in which case he must move away from the cemetery in order to say Hallel.) [Admur ibid parentheses in original]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is not required to recite Hallel after leaving the Beis Havel. [Implication of M”A 131:10; P”M 131 A”A 10; M”B 131:20; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim ibid; Darkei Chesed p. 171]
 Noda Beyehuda Tinyana Y.D. 215, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:2; Kitzur SHU”A 207:6; Nimukei Orach Chaim 131; Gesher Hachaim 20:3-6; Darkei Chesed p. 171; Poskim in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 120 and Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 2; Pnei Baruch 10:28
Room of deceased: If the person passed away in the room that the Minyan is taking place, then it does not help to ask the Aveilim to leave the room, and rather they are to leave to another room. [Poskim in Pnei Baruch 10:28 footnote 62; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 123; however see Noda Beyehuda ibid that permits it.]
 Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 241; Poskim in Pnei Baruch ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid
 Practically, the Chabad custom should follow the ruling of Admur above that Hallel is completely omitted and the congregants make up its recital after Davening when they return home. The ruling of Admur ibid does not coincide with the ruling of the Noda Beyehuda, being that he states the main reason for omitting Hallel is because the Avel is not in a state of joy, and hence if he leaves Hallel may be said. According to Admur however the reason is because of Loeg Larash, which would prevent it from being said in the Beis Havel even if the Aveilim leave the room; Nevertheless, Rabbi Leibel Groner replied to me regarding the Chabad custom that he has seen both customs performed, and he never inquired from the Rebbe as to what one should do. Rabbi Yosef Simcha Ginsberg replied to me that the custom is like the Noda Beyehuda to have the Avel leave the room and have Hallel recited. So writes also Darkei Chesed ibid
 Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:2 in name of Har Karmel
The reason: As he cannot say “Zeh Hayom LaHashem, Nagila Venismicha Bo”
 Admur ibid; M”A 131:10 in name of Tanya; implication of Rokeiach; Machazik Bracha 683; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 96 footnote 7
Other opinions: Many Poskim rule Hallel is not recited in Shiva home even on Chanukah. [M”A ibid in name of Maharil and final ruling of M”A to only say after return home; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 96 footnote 9]
 The reason: The above law of skipping Hallel in the house of an Avel only applies by Hallel said on Rosh Chodesh being that its obligation is merely due to custom. However, on Chanukah in which Hallel is said as an obligation due to Rabbinical decree, it is recited even in the mourners home, as even the mourner himself is obligated to recite it. [Admur ibid]
 Admur ibid; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 96 footnote 7; However, see Darkei Chesed p. 171 that he is not to recite it, Vetzaruch Iyun!
 See Chapter 25 Halacha 3F!
 Nitei Gavriel 96:12 based on Sevara
 P”M 131 A”A 10; M”B 131:20; Kitzur SHU”A 207:7
 P”M 131 A”A 10; M”B 131:20; Mishmeres Shalom Hei 37; Kitzur SHU”A 207:7 regarding Beis Avel; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 131:63 and Nitei Gavriel 96:6 footnote 10
Ruling of Admur: Tzaruch Iyun from Admur 472:5 in name of Chok Yaakov 480:2 who implies Hallel is not recited in the Shiva home even on Yom Tov and Shabbos unless it is a Hallel of Chova [Sukkos/Chanukanah/first days of Pesach]. This implies that on Rosh Chodesh he does not say Hallel even when it falls on Shabbos.
 Peri Hadama 1:45; Shalmei Tzibur p. 184; Mamar Mordechai 131:12; Kaf Hachaim 131:62; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 10:29; Nitei Gavriel 96:4
 Yosef Daas 378
 Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:2; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 10:30 footnote 67 and Nitei Gavriel 96:7
 Daas Kedoshim 376; Piskeiy Teshuvos 131:20; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 96:9
 M”B 131:20; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 131:63
Ruling of Admur: Tzaruch Iyun from Admur 472:5 in name of Chok Yaakov 480:2 that implies Hallel is not recited in the Shiva home even on Yom Tov and Shabbos unless it is a Hallel of Chova [Sukkos/Chanukanah/first days of Pesach]. This implies that on Rosh Chodesh he does not say Hallel even when it falls on Shabbos.
 See Pnei Baruch 10:21; Nitei Gavriel 98:4
 M”A 131:10; Elya Raba 559:9; Tur 559; Rokeiach 312; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid; See Toras Menachem Reshimos Hayoman p. 413 that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed another person to say it [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273]
 Kneses Hagedola 131in name of Abudarham; Darkei Moshe 385; Mavor Yabok; Kol Bo Derech Hachaim;
 See Pnei Baruch 10:23; Nitei Gavriel 98:5
 Shut Rav Akiva Eiger Tinyana 24; Gesher Hachaim and Pnei Baruch 10:23 that so is the custom; Betzeil Hachochma 4:68; Nitei Gavriel ibid in conclusion; Yoman 1988 that the Rebbe asked Rav Groner to ask a Rav if it is to be said and Rav Groner answered that the Rav said it is said
 Mavor Yabok; Sefer Hachaim; Maharam Shick Y.D. 295
 See Ashel Avraham Tinyana 559 regarding Tishe Beav; Nitei Gavriel 94:10; 98:8 that so is custom
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is to omit it. [See Pischeiy Teshuvah 384:1 in name of Zichron Yitzchak to omit Pitum Haketores; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 18]
 Nitei Gavriel 98:8 that so is the custom
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is to omit it. [Mavor Yabok Anan Haketores 1]
 Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, written by the Rebbe in Reshimos p. 413 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273] was to say it quietly; So was also the Rebbe’s custom, as told to me by Rav Groner “The Rebbe said Tehillim but did say the last Pasuk out loud someone else said it out loud.”; See the Yoman for 1988 that the Rebbe did not say it [at least in a noticeable way]; From the Rebbe’s answer to Rav Tzinner it is implied that the Rebbe held it is not to be said.
 Beir Hagoleh 393 as custom of Sephardim; Mavor Yavok Sifsei Tzedek 7; Kitzur SHU”A 207:5; Sefer Haminhagim p. 36; So was the custom during the Shiva of the Previous Rebbe; See Nitei Gavriel 99:1; Pnei Baruch 10:29
Other customs: Some are accustomed to reciting Psalm 49 before or after Maariv. [Beir Hagoleh ibid; See Gesher Hachaim p. 162; Pnei Baruch ibid] Some are particular not to say this Mizmor during Shiva. [Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1030]
 See Q&A!
 The custom of Rebbe Rayatz, written by the Rebbe in Reshimos p. 413 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:273] was to say it quietly, and have another person conclude it aloud; However, the custom of the Rebbe, as recorded in the Yoman of 1988, was to conclude the verse and then say Kaddish.
 Custom of Rebbe in 1988, see Hiskashrus 789; Nitei Gavriel 99:2
 Daas Kedoshim 376; Custom of Rebbe in 1988, see Hiskashrus 789 [However, see Reshimos p. 413 that Kapital 49 was said also by Mincha of Erev Shabbos, when the Rebbe Rayatz was in Shiva]; Gesher Hachaim p. 162; Nitei Gavriel 99:2; Pnei Baruch 10:29;
 Gesher Hachaim p. 162; Nitei Gavriel 99:2; Pnei Baruch 10:29
 Gesher Hachaim p. 162; Nitei Gavriel ibid; Pnei Baruch 10:29
 Custom of Rebbe in 1988, see Hiskashrus 789; See Shulchan Menachem 5:270 that the Rebbe in 1952, during the Shiva for his brother, said Psalm 49 directly after the Daily Tehillim and said one Kaddish Yasom for both; See Siddur Rav Raskin p. 189 who records a directive of the Rebbe and Rav Dworkin to say it after Mishnayos; See Nitei Gavriel 99:1 that some recite it after Shir Shel Yom in order to diminish in Kaddeishim; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 28] that when the Rebbe Rayatz sat Shiva for his mother the Mishnayos was said after Kapital 49
 Custom of Rebbe in 1988 [However, see Reshimos p. 413 that Kapital 49 was said also by Mincha of Erev Shabbos, when the Rebbe Rayatz was in Shiva]
 Nitei Gavriel 99:1
 Sefer Haminhagim p. 36; Glosses of Rebbe to Sefer Hamamarim 1949 p. 74 and 1950 p. 6; See Nitei Gavriel 99:3-8; Sephardim are accustomed to reciting Hashkava and Tziduk Hadin daily after Davening [Beir Hagoleh 393]
 See Admur 54:4; Ketzos Hashulchan 16:2; Nitei Gavriel 99 footnote 10-11; See there 99:6 that since the Avel may not listen to the Mishnah, therefore he should say a Mishnah from Moed Katan to himself; This however is not the custom-see Ketzos Hashulchan ibid in name of Chayeh Adam; See also Pnei Baruch 10:35 footnote 79
 See Nitei Gavriel 99:8 footnote 18
 Kitzur SHU”A 207:5; Aruch Hashulchan 378:8; See Nitei Gavriel 99:3
 Sefer Haminhagim p. 178 [English]
 See Nitei Gavriel Chapter 97
 So is evident from Michaber 393:3; Daas Kedoshim 400; Nitei Gavriel 97:1; Vetzaruch Iyun from M”B 548:16 who writes that initially he should not be counted for the Minyan
 Shiyurei Bracha 376:4
 P”M 131 M”Z 15; Derech Hachaim; Kitzur SHU”A 25:2; M”B 131:35; Nitei Gavriel 97:9
 See Chikrei Minhagim 4:120 for a lengthy discussion on this subject
 Mor Uketzia 135 based on Michaber Y.D. 344:18 “The entire city is to Daven in the home of the Avel, both during the week and on Shabbos, with exception to Kerias Hatorah of Monday’s, Thursday’s and Shabbos, which is read in Shul.”; Machazik Bracha 135:6; Kaf Hachaim 135:75; Orchos Chaim 135 in name of Meorei Or
 The reason: As people do not treat the Sefer Torah properly, and the Michaber ibid rules that even when a Nasi passes away one is to go to Shul for Kerias Hatorah. [ibid] See however Poskim in next footnote who deflect the arguments of the Mor Uketzia.
 Mor Uketzia ibid that so is custom despite his disapproval; Toras Chaim Sofer 135:16; Magen Giborim 135; Binyan Shel Simcha 5; Even Yaakov 54; Dudaei Hasadeh 47; Kitzur SHU”A 207:5; Kinyan Torah 4:18; Pnei Baruch 10:24; Nitei Gavriel 97:1
 Rama 135:14
 See Toras Menachem Tziyon 1:97; Shulchan Menachem 5:153 footnote 17
 Yalkut Avraham 135; Shaareiy Rachamim on Shaar Ephraim 9:22; Kinyan Torah 4:18; Nitei Gavriel 97:2 that from the letter of the law it is not required; There is no source in the Poskim [earlier than the Poskim mentioned in next footnote] that require reading from the Sefer Torah on three different occasions
 Aruch Hashulchan 135:32; Toras Chaim Sofer 135:16; Siach Yitzchak 1:77 that so was custom in Preshburg; Menuchas Moshe 16 that so is custom; Toras Yekusiel Tinyana 87; Igros Moshe 5:2-13; Pnei Baruch 10:24 that so is custom; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 97:2 footnote 5; See Shulchan Menachem 5:153 footnote 17 for different accounts of the Rebbe regarding Aveilus and that the Rebbe gave an option of how to circumvent the issue of the three readings; In Toras Menachem 1988 1:349 this custom of reading the Sefer Torah on three occasions is mentioned, however not with regards to Beis Havel. See Chikrei Minhagim ibid
 Michaber 384:2; Tur 384 in name of Maharitz Geios; See Ketzos Hashulchan 85:10; Nitei Gavriel 97 and 116; Pnei Baruch 10; 23:23; Piskeiy Teshuvos 135:21
Custom of Rebbeim: The Rebbe Rayatz received an Aliyah on Shabbos and the weekday [i.e. Thursday] during the Aveilus. These Aliyos were not regular Aliyos that the Rebbe received weekly. [Igros Kodesh 6:103; Reshimos Hayoman p. 413, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:270] The Rebbe ibid concludes that since he has not found a reason for the above, therefore he only received an Aliyah on Shabbos during Shiva. [Igros Kodesh ibid] However, in 1965 during the Shiva for his mother, the Rebbe received an Aliyah on a weekday [i.e. Monday] during the Shiva. [Shulchan Menachem ibid footnote 18]
 The reason: As it is forbidden for an Avel to learn Torah. Now, although in Avel is obligated to hear the Torah reading, nevertheless, it is forbidden for him to get an Aliyah, as he may not teach Torah to others, and in previous times the custom was for the person getting the Aliyah to read the Torah out loud. [See Nitei Gavriel 97 footnote 6] Vetzaruch Iyun from M”B 548:16
 Beir Hagoleh ibid
 Rama ibid; Shach 384:3; Hagahos Maimanis 3; Ketzos Hashulchan 85:10
The reason: As otherwise it would be public Aveilus which is forbidden on Shabbos. [Shach ibid]
 Hagahos Maimanis in name of Maharam; Chasam Sofer 352, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 401:3; Ketzos Hashulchan 85:10; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 116:2 footnote 3
 Some Poskim rule the Levi is to also leave the Shul. [Aruch Hashulchan 400:9] Other Poskim rule the Levi may receive the Aliyah. [Minchas Yitzchak 9:130] See Nitei Gavriel 116:3 footnote 5
 Michaber ibid; Ketzos Hashulchan 85:10
The reason: As if he does not go up it would be public Aveilus which is forbidden on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid]
 Michaber ibid that so did Rabbeinu Tam when he sat Shiva. Rabbeinu Tam was accustomed to always receive Shelishi, and during his Shiva he went up on his own for the Aliyah of Shelishi, even though the Gabaiy did not call up him up. He said the reason he did this is because since he receives Shelishi every Shabbos, one who now sees that he is not going up for Shelishi will say that he is not going up due to his Aveilus, and it is forbidden to show public Aveilus on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid]
 Custom of Rebbe and Rebbe Rayatz , brought in Igros Kodesh 6:103, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:270
 Meiri Moed Katan 15a; Nitei Gavriel 97:3
 M”B 135:45 in name of Elya Raba and other Poskim; Shaarei Ephraim 8:9; Ketzos Hashulchan 85:10
 Shaarei Ephraim 8:9; Derech Hachaim
 See Nitei Gavriel 97 footnote 8 in name of Tiferes Yisrael
 Nitei Gavriel 97:6
 Nitei Gavriel 97:11
 Taz 400:1 in name of Rashal 71; Maharit; Kneses Hagedola, Nachalas Shiva 17; Neman Shmuel 39, brought in Birkeiy Yosef 400; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 116 footnote 11 and 136:6
 Peri Chadash; Daas Eish 6 brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 400:5
 The reason: As otherwise it is considered public Aveilus. [ibid]
 See Michaber 384:1 and 395:1; Nitei Gavriel 136:6 and 9 in name of Shaareiy Ephraim 8:101; Zera Emes 2160; Beis Naftali 14
 Chaim Bayad 7:10; Sdei Chemed Chasan Vekallah 16; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:3
 Pischeiy Teshuvos 399:1 in name of Eish Daas; See Nitei Gavriel Sukkos 101:5
 See M”B 548:16
 Taz 402:5 based on Rabbeinu Yechiel in Tur 402; Gilyon Maharsha 384:1; Nitei Gavriel 136:23
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule he may not receive an Aliyah even on Mincha of Shabbos, as we do not say Miktzas Hayom Kekulo on Shabbos. [Bach, brought in Taz ibid; The Taz negates his opinion] Other opinions rule one may receive an Aliyah even in Shacharis, if the Shacharis Minyan is later than the regular Minyan during the week. [Beir Moshe 2:11[
 The reason: As since during the week he does not get an Aliya by Shacharis on the seventh day therefore also on Shabbos he is to wait. [Taz ibid]
 Nitei Gavriel 136:23 and 28 and footnote 36 in name of many Poskim; See Beir Moshe 2:11
 Birkeiy Yosef 400; Dvar Moshe 70; See Michaber 384:1
 Birkeiy Yosef 400; Dvar Moshe 70; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 287:4
 Kitzur SHU”A 219:3; Pnei Baruch 23:23
 Birkeiy Yosef ibid; Dvar Moshe 70; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 23:23
 Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 23:23
 Nitei Gavriel 97:5
 The reason: As this is similar to a case of “Rabim Tzerichim Lo”
 Taz 384:1; Aruch Hashulchan 384:8
 Derisha 384; Pnei Baruch 10:24
 See Nitei Gavriel 98:1
 Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid
 Meishiv Halacha 2:220
 Nitei Gavriel ibid
 Daas Kedoshim 15-6; See Nitei Gavriel 98:2 footnote 5
 Shulchan Aruch 379
 Michaber 378:13; Hagahos Maimanis in name of Yerushalmi
 Admur 167:21; Michaber 167:18; Chochmas Adam 163:16; Aruch Hashulchan 378:13
 Admur ibid; Michaber ibid; Rashba 1:278; Bahag Brachos 6; Rambam; Yalkut Shemoni; Kesef Mishneh in name of Midrash; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 167:26
 Admur ibid; M”A 167:39; Bedek Habayis in name of Rav Manoach; Bahag ibid
The reason: As public mourning is forbidden on Shabbos. [Levushei Serud ibid; P”M 167 A”A 39]
 Admur 189:8; Michaber O.C. 189:2; Y.D. 379:1; Brachos 46b
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that Birchas Aveilim is only recited in the house of an Avel when a Zimun of ten is taking place. [Tosfos Kesubos 5b; Maharam Ravkash 676; Beis Yosef 379 in name of Ramban and Rambam]
 Michaber ibid; See Shach 379:1 for additional words that must be added
 Admur ibid; Rama 379:1; See Shach 379:2 for additional words that must be added
 Admur ibid; Nussach of Michaber ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the three Gemulos and Hatavos are to be recited in the Beis Havel just like is done throughout the rest of the year, as established the Sages. [Shach ibid]
 Admur ibid
 Michaber 379:4; Tur in name of Ramban
The reason: As it is forbidden to perform public customs of Aveilus on Shabbos. [Michaber ibid; Shach 379:5]
 Michaber 379:2; Kol Bo; See Shach 379:3-4
 Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 28; Maharam Ravkash 676; Elya Raba 189:3; Beir Hagoleh 379; P”M 189 M”Z 1; Machatzis Hashekel 189:2; Kitzur SHU”A 207:7; Yad Avraham 379; Gilyon Maharsha 379; Likkutei Maharich Seder Birchas Hamazon; Kaf Hachaim 189:12; Gesher Hachaim 20:2-13; This blessing was omitted from Admur in Siddur [See Hiskashrus 645]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 188:3
The reason: As we rely on those Poskim who rule that the blessing is only recited when there is a Zimun of ten taking place. [Beir Hagoleh ibid]
Other customs and Sephardic custom: Some are accustomed to reciting this blessing even today. [Sdei Chemed Aveilus 186; Teshuvah Meahava 3:412 that so did the Noda Beyehuda; Misgeres Hashulchan 373; Piskei Maharash Milublin 30; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 100 :3 footnote 7] The Sephardim are accustomed to reciting the above dialect as written in Shulchan Aruch. [Piskeiy Teshuvos 188:3; Rav Mordechai Eliyahu in his glosses on Kitzur SHU”A 207; See Yabia Omer 6:38]
 See Hiskashrus 645 that it is not the widespread custom of Anash and we never heard of the Rebbeim saying it during Aveilus, nevertheless the Nussach was printed in Siddur Torah Or 1987 p. 404
 Michaber 379:5; Mordechai; See Admur 189:8
Should they initially eat together to make a Zimun? Some Poskim rule the mourner is to initially avoid eating in a group of three in order to avoid a Zimun, just as is the law on Erev Tishe Beav. [Rav Shlomo Kluger in Chochmas Shlomo 379 and Kinas Sofrim and Halef Lecha Shlomo 318] Others rule it is to be done even initially. [Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 100:1 footnote 3 and Pnei Baruch 10:13 footnote 23]
 Michaber 379:3; Kol Bo; See Shach 379:3-4
 Omitted from Admur in Siddur
 Sheilas Yaavetz 1:74, brought Pischeiy Teshuvah 379:1
The reason: There is no source for this in the Talmud or Poskim, although it is seemingly based on the saying of the Sages that the Avel sits at the head of the table, and the person who is the head should lead the Zimun. [ibid]
 Shvus Yaakov 1:102; Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3 in name of Chinuch Beis Yehuda 91; Yosef Ometz p. 331; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:204; Kitzur SHU”A 204:4; M”B 201:1; Igros Kodesh 3:372 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306]; Pnei Baruch 35:18; Nitei Gavriel 65:15
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule there is no source or purpose in leading the Zimun past the Shiva, during the 12 months. [Sheilas Yaavetz ibid]
 See Igros Kodesh ibid that when the son is saying Kaddish he did not hear or receive a directive from the Rebbe Rayatz that one is to strive to lead the Zimun.
 Sefer Haminhagim p. 45 [English]; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 1:202; Piskei Hasiddur Hakdama that so was the custom of the Tzemach Tzedek; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 308
Other customs: Some write one is to omit this phrase once the parent passes away, and so is the widespread custom of most Jewry. [Siddur Rav Kopel; Daas Kedoshim; Tzelusa Deavraham; Nitei Gavriel 100:9; Piskeiy Teshuvos 189 footnote 4]
 The reason: As each one the Harachamans corresponds to the ten Sefiros, and “mother and father” correspond to Chochma and Bina. [ibid]
 Nitei Gavriel 101:1
 See Beir Heiytiv 426:4; Shaareiy Teshuvah 426:2; Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:1; M”B 426:11; Nitei Gavriel 102:5
 M”A 426:4
 Implication of M”A ibid; Likkut Dinei Rosh Chodesh 12 footnote 56
 Shvus Yaakov 2:11, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:1
 Shaar Ephraim Yoreh Deah 4:95, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:1; M”B 426:11; Biur Halacha 426:2 “Kodem Tishe Beav” concords with his opinion
 Shvus Yaakov 2:11
 Mishneh Halachos 7:290
 Shaar Ephraim ibid brought in M”B 426:11; Birkeiy Yosef Y.D. 393 that one who is lenient to go out at night in a time of need [as rules the Rama 393:2] may likewise be lenient in this regard; P”M 426 A”A 4 based on Michaber Y.D. 393:2; Daas Kedoshim 341:4
 Elya Raba 426:15, brought in P”M ibid; Birkeiy Yosef Y.D. 393 that one who is stringent not to go out at night even in a time of need, is to say Kiddush Levana on his roof; See Divrei Nechemia Y.D. 33:26
 Kaf Hachaim 426:26
 Birkeiy Yosef Y.D. 393 that one who is lenient to go out at night is to be lenient in this regard; P”M 426 A”A 4 based on Michaber Y.D. 393:2
 Divrei Nechemia Y.D. 33:26; Daas Kedoshim ibid
 Shaareiy Ephraim ibid; Beis David 391 [Bistritzky; however see what he wrote in 376]; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 37:11 and 107:8
 2nd opinion in Admur 71:1; Sefer Hachaim 71 brought in Daas Torah 71 and Nitei Gavriel ibid
 The reason: As it is a Mitzvah Overes, and by a Mitzvah Overes all agree that one may be stringent upon himself to say it.
 1st opinion in Admur ibid
 Admur ibid
 See Igros Kodesh 6:103 [brought in Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag Y.D. p. 364 and Shulchan Menachem 5:267] that the Rebbe followed the 2nd opinion in Admur upon the passing of his brother.
 Kaf Hachaim of Rav Chaim Falagi 35:12, brought in Kaf Hachaim 426:26
 Nitei Gavriel 101:2
 M”A 551:42; Sefer Chassidim 840; Birkeiy Yosef 551:15; Kaf Hachaim 551:204; 671:73; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 79 regarding new fruit; Birchas Habayis 24:54; Har Tzevi 1:116 regarding birth; Piskeiy Teshuvos 223:1; 225:9; So rule all Poskim regarding an inheritance: Admur in Seder Birchas Hanehnin 12:8; Michaber 223:2; Rambam Brachos 10:7; Brachos 59b
 Maharam Mintz 43; Taz 671:8; P”M 671 M”Z 8; Machazik Bracha 671:9; Chayeh Adam 154:17; Derech Hachaim 4; M”B 671:44; Shaareiy Teshuvah 671:7; Kaf Hachaim 671:73; See also regarding Megillah: M”B 692:1; Derech Hachaim 2; Kaf Hachaim 692:7
Other opinions: Some Poskim permit the Avel to recite Shehechiyanu even by a public lighting. [Olas Shmuel 106 that he has not seen the world be careful in this matter; Teshuvah Meahava 2:286; Mishmeres Shalom ibid; Gesher Hachaim 23:4; Beis Yitzchak Yoreh Deah 2:158; Minchas Elazar 2:32; See Nitei Gavriel 37:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 692:6]
 Kaf Hachaim Falagi 26:9; Kerem Shlomo; Yifei Laleiv 219:5; Teshuvah Meahavah 3:449; Vayaan Avraham 19; Sdei Chemed 52; Mishemres Shalom 2:37; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 219:9; Nitei Gavriel 102:3; See Halacha 9 regarding Shehechiyanu and Admur in Seder Birchas Hanehnin 12:8 regarding Hatov Vihameitiv
 Kaf Hachaim 219:9; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 219:18 in name of Daas Torah and Orchos Chaim 219
 Sdei Chemed Brachos 2:18; Piskeiy Teshuvos 229:6; Nitei Gavriel 102:2
 Piskeiy Teshuvos 229:6; See Halacha 7 in Q&A regarding Kiddush Levana
 Tur 376:4