Yichud Laws applicable when out on a Shidduch date

Yichud Laws applicable when out on a Shidduch date:[1]

The observance of the Yichud laws when out on a shidduch is of paramount importance. Several situations can arise during a shidduch that may inadvertently lead to a breach of yichud laws. Awareness and preparation can help individuals navigate these moments.

A. Taking an elevator together:[2]

Whether the Yichud prohibition is applicable in elevators is disputed amongst Poskim. Some Poskim[3] prohibit Yichud in elevators entirely, although the vast majority of Poskim[4] permit it, especially in cases of necessity. Practically, one may follow this ruling, especially in a time of need, such as if the girl is uncomfortable going down the elevator by herself, or one is in a rush.  

Express elevators: Express elevators which climb many floors at once without having stops in-between, then if they take less than 35 seconds to their first stop, then Yichud is not applicable. If they take longer, then they should only be used in a time of need, as stated above.

Late at night or when people are not around:[5] Late-night use of elevators, when public presence is minimal is more severe in terms of Yichud, with some Poskim voicing its prohibition. [Nonetheless, even here one may be lenient in a time of need, as stated above.]

B. Taking a Taxi or Driving Late at Night:[6]

Driving together late at night may transgress Yichud depending on the area and time of night. This applies even if one takes a car service with a driver [i.e. Uber etc], as Yichud at night applies even when there are two men and one womanpresent. Practically, it is only permitted under the following circumstances:

1. One is in a well populated area and there are hence people or other cars outside throughout the area that they will be driving, and it is possible for them to see into the car. If however one is in an area, or at a time of night, that people are no longer outside, and cars are scarcely found on the road, then Yichud would be forbidden.[7] Likewise, if the roads are not well lit [but some light is available] and it is difficult for passerby’s to see inside the car, then Yichud may apply.[8]
2. There are three men, or four women in the car.
3. In a time of need, having two other Kosher men, or three other Kosher women join via video call throughout the ride, is valid.[9]

If the above conditions cannot be met, then they are either to go in separate cars, or make sure to remain in a well populated area within the city, or simply return prior to it being too late at night.

C. Going for a Hike or Walk in an Isolated Area:[10]

Outdoor activities, such as hiking or walking, are often popular choices for shidduch dates. These activities provide opportunities for shared experiences and thoughtful conversations. However, the choice of location plays a crucial role in maintaining adherence to yichud laws, which may apply depending on the area, as Yichud is prohibited even in an open area that is secluded from the public. Practically, one is to avoid remote or secluded trails where interaction might occur out of public view. This applies even during daytime! Instead, one should opt for parks or neighborhoods where other people are present, ensuring visibility and openness. Proximity to other walkers or hikers help one to avoid the Issur of Yichud.

1. Meeting in a private room:[11]

When meeting in a private room, care must be taken to leave the door unlocked and slightly ajar. This especially applies at night when everyone is already asleep. Thus, if they are meeting in the house of one of their parents late at night, they should remain in the living room where anyone can wake up and enter, and not in a private room.

[1] See Chelkas Mechokeik E.H. 55:a; Ahavas Chesed 3:6; Nidchei Yisrael 24; Avnei Yashpei 2:88; Ohel Yaakov 22:194; Nitei Gavriel Yichud 8

[2] See Minchas Yitzchok 4:94-97; Taharas Yom Tov 7; Nitei Gavriel 15:1

^[3] Maharil Diskin in understanding of Minchas Yitzchak 4:94-98; Shevet Halevi 3:182 [in contradiction to his previous response in 2:131, and even this response contains inconsistencies in logic, as brought in Minchas Yitzchak 4:96, as he agrees that if it’s not possible to have Yichud for Shiur Tuma then its Mutar, so why does he prohibit elevators!]

^[4] Igros Moshe E.H. 4:65-16; Chelkas Yaakov 2:14; Minchas Yitzchok 4:94-97 [Mutar in time of need, such as needs to get to work etc]; Many leading Rabbonim brought in Minchas Yitzchak 4:97 and Taharas Yom Tov 7, including: Rav Yelles; Betzel Hachochma; Rav Shternbuch; Shevet Halevi 2:131 [unlike his later response in 3:182]; Mishneh Halachos 4:187; Tzitz Eliezer 6:22-4; Nitei Gavriel 15:1

^[5] See Chelkas Yaakov 2:14 who implies the Heter is due to Pesach Pasuach; Dvar Halacha 15; Nitei Gavriel 15:2-4 in name of Rav of Debritzin, and so writes Rav Dubov in “The laws of Yichud” 144; Ohel Yaakov 136 in name of Poskim

[6] See Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:82; Nitei Gavriel 43-44; “The laws of Yichud” Halachos 160-166; Nitei Gavriel Yichud 8:1

[7] Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:82; Nitei Gavriel 43:2

[8] See Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:82 that at night, when it is difficult for the passebyers to see outside, although there is not a real prohibition of Yichud, nevertheless one is to be stringent when possible.

[9] See Or Leyisrael Monsey 65 p. 61

[10] See regarding the Issur of Yichud during travel outside of the city: Michaber and Rama E.H. 22:5-6; Tur 22:5; Kiddushin 81a; Radbaz 1:121; Devar Halacha 9:17; Nitei Gavriel 20:1-2

[11] See Avnei Yashpei 2:88; Ohel Yaakov 22:194