Who is allowed to visit a cemetery-A list of people with questioned visiting restrictions

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People restrictions-Kohanim/Pregnant/Nidda/children/Seven years absence/Baal Keri:

A. Kohen:[1]

See Chapter 9 Halacha 1 for the full details of this matter!

The general prohibition of impurity: It is forbidden for a male[2] Kohen[3] to come into contact with a grave, or the tombstone that rests on a grave.[4] He may not even enter within four Amos of either a corpse[5] or grave[6], unless there is a Mechitza of ten Tefachim surrounding him or the grave.[7] He may not walk under an item which is hovering over a body or grave, such as a tree or tent or building.[8] He may, however, stand outside the building/house that contains the corpse, even within four Amos of its walls, and he may even touch the walls.[9] However, some Poskim[10] are stringent to prohibit standing within four Amos of the walls.

Visiting a cemetery:[11] It is forbidden for a Kohen to enter a cemetery unless he remains at least a four Amos distance from any graves, or walks with a wall like structure that is at least 10 Tefachim high surrounding him, in which case he must only distance himself 4 Tefachim from the graves.[12] In addition, he must beware not to walk under any item that hovers over the graves.[13] If the above is guarded, he may enter even into a gated cemetery.

Car:[14] A Kohen who remains in his car is protected from any impurity, and he may thus enter the cemetery grounds in his car and remain inside it throughout the burial.

Yahrzeit:[15] A Kohen may visit the cemetery of his parent on the day of the Yahrzeit, or other auspicious time, if he stands near the cemetery from the outside. Doing so is considered as if he has visited them.

B. May Kohanim visit Kivrei Tzaddikim?^[16]

Many Poskim^[17] rule it is forbidden for Kohanim to visit the gravesite of Tzaddikim.^[18] Nevertheless, many Kohanim are lenient in this, especially with regards to visiting their Rebbe’s Kever.^[19] Practically a Kohen may not to be lenient^[20] and so is the vintage Chabad custom^[21], and the practical directive given by the Rebbe.^[22] Kohanim who desire to merit the advantage of praying by the gravesite of a Tzaddik are to stand a distance from the cemetery or grave, in view of the grave, and pour their hearts to Hashem from there.^[23]

Mearas Hamachpeila:^[24] It is permitted for Kohanim to visit the burial site of the forefathers in Chevron known as the Mearas Hamachpeila, and so is the practical custom. However, there are Poskim^[25] who are stringent.

Kever Rachel: Kohanim are not to enter into Kever Rachel.^[26] However, some are lenient as stated above.^[27]

Rashbi: Kohanim are not to enter into the building of the Tziyon of Rashbi in Meiron.^[28] Likewise, care must be taken while ascending the mountain, to walk only through the special path for Kohanim.^[29] However, some Poskim are lenient as stated above.^[30]

The Rebbe’s Ohel: The Ohel of the Rebbe is set up in a way that allows Kohanim to access the Ohel through a special path that contains dividers of ten Tefach on each side.^[31] It is forbidden for Kohanim to extend their hand past these dividers. The Kever itself is unroofed^[32] and is surrounded by a short wall [of at least ten Tefach] which is a distance of at least four Tefach from the grave. This allows the Kohanim to stand anywhere near the wall.^[33] It is permitted for them to stand even in the front area of the Kever where the tombstone is found.^[34] Nevertheless, care must be taken not to extend the hand past the wall surrounding the Kever. Thus, when throwing the Pa”n, the Kohen is to do so from behind the wall or give it to a friend to do so.^[35]

C. Pregnant wife of Kohen and other pregnant women visiting cemeteries:^[36]

Not married to Kohen: From the letter of the law, it is permitted for a pregnant woman to enter a cemetery.^[37] However, many women are accustomed not to visit a cemetery when they are pregnant.^[38] Those who have received such a custom are to abide by it.^[39] However, it is permitted for them to visit the grave of a Tzaddik, or the grave of a loved one, on the day of the Yahrzeit and the like.^[40] Many women are lenient in all cases, as is the letter of the law.^[41]

Wife of a Kohen: It is permitted for the pregnant wife of a Kohen to enter a cemetery.^[42] Nonetheless, some Poskim^[43] rule it is proper to be stringent not to do so [even on a Yahrzeit or by Kivrei Tzaddikim]. This especially applies if she knows that the gender of the child is male^[44] or she is at the end of her term and is ready for birth.^[45] Nevertheless, even in such a case, most Poskim rule it is allowed from the letter of the law.^[46]

D. Nidda-May a woman visit a cemetery when she is menstruating?^[47]

It is customary for women to avoid visiting a cemetery during the days that they are a Nidda.^[48] Some Poskim^[49] rule this applies even during the seven clean days, until she immerses in a Mikveh. Other Poskim^[50], however, rule it only applies during the actual flow and hence she may visit a gravesite during the seven clean days [as well as single girls may visit at all times that she is not actively menstruating^[51]]. Practically a woman may be lenient in a time of need to go during her clean days.^[52] Furthermore, if not going will cause her great distress then she may be lenient even when seeing the actual flow.^[53] Nevertheless, in such a case it is best for her to stand four Amos away from the Kever.^[54] Based on above, a woman may be lenient to visit the Kever in the following instances, even while menstruating: 1) Yahrzeit of her parents, or Hakamas Matzeiva.^[55] 2) She is leaving town and not returning for a while.^[56]

Does the above custom apply even to Kivrei Tzaddikim?^[57] Some Poskim^[58] write that the above custom to abstain from visiting a cemetery during Nidda times applies even to Kivrei Tzaddikim. Other Poskim^[59], however, rule it does not apply to Kivrei Tzaddikim. Practically, many women are accustomed to only be stringent during the actual flow and not during the seven clean days [or by a single girl when she is not having her flow].^[60] This is the widespread custom followed by women regarding going on Lag Baomer to Meiron, that they are only stringent when seeing the actual flow.^[61]

E. Children-May one bring children to a cemetery?

There is no Halachic prohibition against bringing children to a grave or cemetery, if the child is not a Kohen. This applies even if the child is of a very young age, such as a newborn.[62] Nevertheless, some are careful to avoid doing so.[63] Practically, one may do so if he so chooses, or in a time of need.  

F. Visiting the grave of a parent after seven years of absence:[64]

Some are accustomed to follow that if they did not visit the grave of a parent within seven years, then they may no longer visit it again.[65] Others[66] are only careful after ten years of absence. Some Poskim[67], however, argue that one may visit a parent’s grave even after absence of many years and there is no need to be particular in the above. Practically, it is permitted to visit a grave of a parent even after the passing of seven years.[68] Nevertheless, when seven years have passed, it is customary to send a messenger [such as the grave keeper] to the grave prior to the child’s visitation, to inform the parent that his child is coming to visit.[69] Likewise, the child is to separate charity in honor of the parent prior to visiting.[70]

Grandparents and other relatives:[71] The above custom is only with regards to the grave of a parent, however the grave of a grandparent, or other relative, may be visited even initially after many years of absence.

G. Baal Keri:^[72]

One who is impure due to nocturnal emission [Keri], or any release of seed, may not visit a cemetery until he immerses in a Mikveh.^[73] [He may, however, stand from a distance of four Amos from the grave/cemetery and pray from there.[74]]

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[1] Michaber 369:1

[2] Kohenes: A female Kohen is not prohibited from defiling herself to Tumas Meis. [Michaber 373:2]

[3] Baal Mum: This prohibition applies even to a Kohen who is a Baal Mum. [Michaber 373:2]

Chalal: A Kohen who is a [Biblical] Chalal is not prohibited from defiling himself to Tumas Meis. [Michaber 373:2] However, a Rabbinical Chalal is Biblically prohibited from defiling himself to Tumas Meis. [Shach 373:2 in name of Bach]

[4] Michaber 369:1

What areas of the grave give off Tumas Ohel: If the grave contains a Chalal Tefach [vacuum of 8 centimeters within], and does not contain a Tefach Pasuach, as is common today for the grave to contain a vacuum between it and the body, and the grave is completely closed off, then the entire grave stone gives off Biblical impurity, even from the areas that do not contain the actual body under them. If, however, the grave does not contain a Challal Tefach, then only the area opposite the body gives off Tumas Ohel. [Taz 372:1; However, see Pischeiy Teshuvah 372:2 that if there is Challal Tefach there is only Rabbinical Tuma] If it contains a vacuum of a Tefach but also contains a Tefach Pasuach, then it only gives off Rabbinical impurity over the grave. [See Shach 372:2]

[5] Michaber 371:5 “It is forbidden to come within four Amos of the corpse or grave”; Derisha, brought in Shach 371:18;

Other opinions regarding funeral: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to be within four Amos of the body of the deceased throughout the funeral [so long as one is not under the same Ohel. It is thus permitted for a Kohen to give a Hesped within four Amos from the body. [Shach 371:18; Rokeiach 315; Yeish Makilin in Perisha ibid; Chochmas Adam 159:14; Kitzur SHU”A 202:8; Nitei Gavriel 130:4] Practically, the custom is to be stringent to distant oneself four Amos from the body due to fear of Ohel Hameis. [Gesher Hachaim p. 79; Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[6] See Pischeiy Teshuvah 371:14 that we measure the four Amos from the corpse and not the grave.

[7] Michaber 371:5; Chochmas Adam 159:14

Is this prohibition Biblical or Rabbinical? The prohibition of being within four Amos of the deceased is a Rabbinical decree. [See Shach 371:18]

[8] Michaber 369:1; 371:1 in greater detail

[9] Rama 371:5

[10] Shach 371:19 in name of Bach

[11] See Nitei Gavriel 130:20

[12] Michaber 371:5

[13] Michaber 369:1; 371:1 in greater detail

[14] Igros Kodesh

[15] Nitei Gavriel 76:11 in name of Dudaei Hasadeh 21; See Makor Chesed 450:2 on Sefer Chassidim 450 that there is Talmudic basis for this custom of a Kohen visiting the grave from a distance, as the Gemara in Bava Basra 58b states that Abayey came to the Kever of Tuvi Bar Masan, and Abayey was a Kohen, as he was from the family of Eily, as stated in Yevamos 105b;  Likewise, in Brachos 18b it states that Shmuel went to the courtyard of the grave, and Shmuel was a Kohen as understood from Megillah 22a

[16] For a thorough analysis on this subject see: Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2:91; Shulchan Menachem 5:330; Ishkavta Derebbe p. 103; Kovetz Beis Aron Veyisrael 76 p. 116 and the sources mentioned there.

Background:

The Ramban [Emor] states that “those which pass away through Neshika do not give off impurity, as only those that die due to the bite of the Nachash have impurity. This then is the meaning that Tzaddikim don’t give impurity.” This is likewise brought in the Zohar [Vayishlach 168]; Chinuch Mitzvas 263; Panim Yafos Chukas; A similar statement is brought in Midrash Mishleiy 9:2 that Eliyahu Hanavi [who is a Kohen] buried Rebbe Akiva. When asked by Rebbe Yehoshua on what basis did he allow himself to deal with the corpse Eliyahu replied “             By my life Rebbe Yehoshua my son, G-d forbid, Tzaddikim do not have impurity and neither do their students.” However, the Tosfos [Bava Metzia 114b] explains that in truth the real allowance was because Rebbe Akiva was considered a Meis Mitzvah. Alternatively, says Tosfos, Eliyahu was not a Kohen at all, but rather from the children of Rachel.

[17] Halachos Ketanos 1:177; Pischeiy Teshuvah 372:2; Alef Hamagen 581:111; Peas Hashulchan 2:18; Kitzur SHU”A 202:14; Tuv Taam Vadaas 2:231; Netza Shorek 108; Sheiris Yehuda [brother of Baal Hatanya] Miluim 35; Igros Kodesh 11:220; 6:348; Likkutei Sichos 18:234 [brought in Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 3:150; Shulchan Menachem 5:330] Shaareiy Tzedek by Chayeh Adam; Divrei Yechezkel 1; Zayis Ranan 2:27; Rav Shmuel Salant [is Biblical prohibition], brought in Tzitz Eliezer 10:1; Ishkavta Derebbe p. 103; See Sdei Chemed Asifas Dinim Eretz Yisrael; Aveilus; Rosh Hashanah that majority of Achronim which he brings are stringent.

The reason: As the burial site of Tzaddikim give off impurity. [Tosfos Bava Metzia 114b]

[18] To touch the grave is a Biblical prohibition. [Rambam Tumas Meis 2:15; Sheiris Yehuda ibid] To be within four Amos of the grave is a Rabbinical prohibition. [Michaber 371:5; Sotah 44a] To be within the same building as the grave [Ohel] is a Biblical prohibition. [Rambam Tumas Meis 2:15; Michaber 371:1] See there however regarding if the Kever is surrounded by a Golel and Dofek.

[19] Brought in Sdei Chemed ibid; Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag ibid; The following Poskim justify the practice of those Kohanim that visit the gravesite of a Tzaddik: Minchas Elazar 3:64 based on Arizal; Mahrash Alfandri 1:23; Pnei David of Chida; Igara Dekala Behaloscha [brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid] that so is the custom of Kohanim in Eretz Yisrael; Sheiris Yehuda ibid mentions that the custom in Eretz Yisrael is to visit the gravesite of the Tanaaim, however he explains the reason is because it was built with Poseiach Tefach and hence the Tuma does not spread.

The reason: The burial grounds of Tzaddikim do not give off Tuma. [Ramban Emor; Zohar Vayishlach 168; Chinuch Mitzvas 263; Panim Yafos Chukas; Midrash Mishleiy 9:2] Alternatively, we assume the Aron is built in a way that the Tuma escapes [Poseiach Tefach] and there are Poskim that say the impurity today is only Rabbinical and hence for the great Mitzvah of Hishtatchus we are lenient. [Minchas Elazar ibid]

Opinion of Arizal: There is a story recorded of the Arizal sending a student which was a Kohen to Daven by the gravesite of one of the Tanaaim. The Minchas Elazar ibid uses this as a proof that it is allowed to do so. See Nitei Gavriel ibid for a list of Poskim who argue on this assertion.

[20] Alef Hamagen ibid; Nitei Gavriel 91:1 that the Poskim conclude it is forbidden.

[21] Teshuvah of the Maharil [printed in Hatamim 6:38; Shut Sheiris Yehuda Hosafos 35] writes that it is a Biblical prohibition even if the person buried is a Tzaddik Gamur, and only regarding the Rabbinical prohibition of being near [within 4 Amos] of the grave can one be lenient due to the great Mitzvah of going to Kivrei Tzaddikim. However even regarding this matter he concludes that one is to fix whatever is able to be fixed and hence he directed that in Haditch a Mechitza is to be established to allow Kohanim to come to the Ohel even Rabbinically. In Lubavitch the Ohel had signs stating “until here may Kohanim walk”. [Rebbe ibid; Ishkavta Derebbe ibid]

[22] Letters printed in Shulchan Menachem ibid and Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag ibid based on Teshuvah of the Maharil and so directed the Rebbe that a Mechitza be built surrounding the Ohel of his father in law. [Ishkavta Derebbe ibid] See also Likkutei Sichos 18:234 footnote 55; Hisvadyos 1951:172; Sichas Yud Shvat 1954

[23] Alef Hamagen 581:11; Certainly, their prayers will be answered in merit of the Tzaddik just as if they were standing near the grave itself. [ibid]; See Makor Chesed 450:2 on Sefer Chassidim 450 that there is Talmudic basis for this custom of a Kohen visiting the grave from a distance, as the Gemara in Bava Basra 58b states that Abayey came to the Kever of Tuvi Bar Masan, and Abayey was a Kohen, as he was from the family of Eily, as stated in Yevamos 105b;  Likewise, in Brachos 18b it states that Shmuel went to the courtyard of the grave, and Shmuel was a Kohen as understood from Megillah 22a

[24] This is based on a known tradition handed down from many generations. The reason for the allowance is because the Avos are buried inside a cave within a cave in a way that does not give off impurity. [Heard from Rav Asher Lemel Cohen and that so was the custom of his father [a great Gaon and Posek in Jerusalem] Rav Avraham Hirsh; See Yoreh Deah 371:1; Rambam Tumas Meis 20:1] See Igros Kodesh 11:220 that although in general a Kohen may not enter near the grave of Tzaddikim, regarding entering specific gravesites of Tzaddikim one is to verify by trustworthy people that have a tradition in this matter. Rav Yaakov Bloy z”l of the Eida Hachareidis stated that many are lenient regarding these areas. [Kovetz Beis Aaron Veyisrael 76 p. 116]

[25] Minchas Elazar 3:64 based on Baba Basra 58a [There it states that the Kevarim of the Avos were marked to beware Kohanim from the area]

The reason: As the head of Esav, which was Jewish Heretic, was buried there, and he certainly gives off impurity. However the Tzaddikim themselves don’t give off impurity. [ibid] The Admur of Satmar was stringent like this opinion. [Koveitz Beis Aaron Veyisrael ibid]

[26] Heard directly from Rav Asher Lemel Cohen and that so was the custom of his father [a great Gaon and Posek in Jerusalem] Rav Avraham Hirsh Cohen [unlike that which was printed in his name in Beis Aaron Veyisrael ibid]; Nitei Gavriel 91:2 that so is the ruling of most Gedolei Yisrael [Admurim of Belz; Satmar; Lubavitch; Rav Moshe Feinstein; Minchas Yitzchak; Rav SZ”A.] Zayis Ranan 2:27; Rav Shmuel Salant [is Biblical prohibition], brought in Tzitz Eliezer 10:1; Nisivei Am [Minhagei Yerushalayim Beis Keil] 372; Yalkut Yosef 7:281 in name of Yabia Omer and Yechaveh Daas

[27] See Tzitz Eliezer 16:18 [Many Gedolim allowed Kohanim to visit Kever Rachel]; See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2:91-2 footnote 3 for opinions that allowed going to Kever Rachel; Rav Yaakov Bloy z”l of the Eida Hachareidis stated that many are lenient regarding these areas. [See Kovetz Beis Aaron Veyisrael 76 p. 116]

[28] Nitei Gavriel 91:2 that so is the ruling of most Gedolei Yisrael [Admurim of Belz; Satmar; Lubavitch; Rav Moshe Feinstein; Minchas Yitzchak; Rav SZ”A.]

The Rebbe’s opinion: As stated above, the Rebbe [Igros Kodesh 11:220] writes that every individual Kever requires a particular tradition regarding it. Regarding the Tziyon in Meiron Rav Naftali Hakohen Rot relates that when he had his first private audience with the Rebbe the Rebbe asked him if he enters into the Tziyon of Rashbi. When he answered affirmatively the Rebbe wondered at this with a great exclamation. The Rebbe then asked him why he does so and he did not reply. The Rebbe said that perhaps there is a special arraignment by the Tziyon to allow Kohanim, such as an Ohel within an Ohel. Nonetheless from that point and on Rav Naftali Rot stopped entering into the Tziyon in Meiron. [Koveitz Beis Aaron Veyisrael ibid]

[29] As there are unknown graves buried in many areas of the mountain.

[30] See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2:91-2 footnote 3 that many Kohanim have a tradition that it is permitted to enter and that so was practiced by many Kohanim of esteemed lineage; Torah scholarship and knowledge of Kabala. See there for the opinions that defend the practice of going into the Tziyon. I heard from Rav Asher Lemel Cohen that Kohanim may enter into the building as there is a tradition that the Tziyon was built in a way which allows the impurity to escape [Poseiach Tefach] and hence there is no status of an Ohel.

[31] This is a recent development. In prior times access was made either through driving a car until the Ohel [Ohel Zaruk-see Igros Kodesh 6:348] or having Levim and Yisraelim surround the Kohen, hence forming a Mechitza. [See Igros Kodesh 3:342; Hiskashrus 884] Later on a special box of ten Tefach high that surrounded the Kohanim would be used to enter through the path until the Tziyon. Recently a Mechitza was put up on both sides hence dividing the path from the impurity of the cemetery completely.

[32] Hence avoiding the prohibition of an Ohel for the Kohanim.

[33] Yoreh Deah 371:5; Igros Kodesh 6:348; Ishkavta Derebbe p. 106

Background

The Michaber ibid states that although it is [Rabbinically] forbidden for a Kohen to be within four Amos of a Kever, nevertheless if it is surrounded by a wall of ten Tefach high then one is only required to distance oneself four Tefach from the Kever.

[34] As when the Tomb stone was built it was distanced more than four Tefach from the body and hence it acts as part of the Mechitza to allow Kohanim to be next to it. [Heard from Rav Asher Lemel Cohen who verified the matter through those in charge of the Ohel.]

[35] Harav Asher Lemel Cohen; the Rebbe would direct Kohanim to be careful regarding these last two matters. [Hiskashrus 884] Regarding if they may touch the wall-see Rama 371 :5 that the Kohen may touch the walls of a house that contains a corpse.

[36] Minchas Yitzchak 10:42; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2:84-4

[37] Pashut as there is no source for forbidding it, and so is proved from the fact the Poskim [below] bring that even the wife of a Kohen that is pregnant may enter a cemetery, and as writes the Kneses Hagedola [brought in Birkeiy Yosef 343:4] that even by the pregnant wife of a Kohen those who are stringent are doing Minhag Borus [custom of ignorance], hence certainly the wife of a Yisrael is allowed.

[38] This custom has no known source. A number of possible reasons are suggested: 1) Perhaps this is due to the fact that it is proper for the pregnant wife of a Kohen to avoid a cemetery, and hence we see that the fetus can receive impurity. Now since we await the rebuilding of the Temple every day the women avoid going to a cemetery, as if the Temple is rebuilt while they are still pregnant they will be able to give over their pure sons to perform the necessary actions required for the Para Aduma. [Minchas Yitzchak ibid; See Parah Mishneh 3:2] 2) Alternatively, it is because they desire to avoid any impurity during the pregnancy. [Nitei Gavriel ibid; See Sheivet Hamussar 24]

[39] Poskim ibid based on Rashba that we do not differ a tradition received from righteous women even if we have 600,000 proofs against it. [brought in Heishiv Moshe 13]

[40] Nitei Gavriel ibid

[41] Heard from Rav Asher Lemel Hakohen

[42] Shach Y.D. 371:1; Rokeiach 366; M”A 343:2; Radbaz 200; Kneses Hagedola [brought in Birkeiy Yosef 343:4-there he writes it’s a Minhag Borus to be stringent] Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 160:1; Kitzur SHU”A 202:15; M”B 343:3; See Pischeiy Teshuvah 371:1; Gilyon Maharsha 371; Darkei Chesed p. 208

The reason: As there is a Safek Sfeika; perhaps the fetus is a female and perhaps it will be a stillborn. [Shach ibid; Rokeiach ibid] Alternatively a fetus cannot receive impurity as it is considered within a Beis Hablia. [M”A ibid; Radbaz 200, brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 371:1; See there that even the Rokeiach agrees to this.] Others however argue that a fetus is considered part of the mother [Yerech Imo] and hence can contract impurity even during pregnancy. [Birkeiy Yosef 343:1]

[43] Birkeiy Yosef 343:4; Kaf Hachaim 343:4; Minchas Yitzchak 1042

The reason: As if in truth the child is a boy he contracts impurity. [This is proven from fact the Rokeiach only allows it due to Safek Sfeika. See previous footnote for the dispute regarding Beis Hablia] Hence, it is proper to initially avoid doing so. [ibid]

[44] As then there is no longer a Safek Sfeika according to the Rokeiach [as learns Birkeiy Yosef ibid], although according to many Poskim this would still remain permitted being that the fetus is considered within a Beis Hablia, as brought from M”A ibid and Radbaz ibid and so is evident from other Poskim mentioned in next footnote] See Even Yisrael 8:77 that deals with this question in regards to giving birth in a hospital that is not careful about Tumas Meis. He concludes there that ultrasounds are not 100% accurate, and that it is for the needs of a Yoledes who is in Sakana and hence she may choose to go to whatever hospital she wishes. Nevertheless, she is not initially to take an ultrasound and hence remove the Safek Sfeika. This is all with regards to which hospital to give birth and does not relate to a pregnant woman entering a Beis Hakevaros if she knows the child is male. It is understood that in such a case there are more Poskim who rule stringently.

[45] Sheilas Yaavetz 2:174 forbids in such a case [as the child may be born]; opinion in Darkei Chesed p. 208; Most Poskim however permit even in such a case, as the Safek Sfeika still remains. [M”B 343:3; Radbaz ibid brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid, that this was the original case of allowance written by the Rokeiach; Betzeil Hachochmah 3:105]

[46] See previous footnotes; and so ruled to me Harav Asher Lemel Cohen that practically it is not accustomed to be stringent.

[47] See Taharah Kehalacha 14:129; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus Vol. 2 84; Piskeiy Teshuvos 88:9

[48] Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 195:19 in name of Chamudei Daniel; Chayeh Adam 3:38; Aruch Hashulchan 195:28; Kaf Hachaim 88:12; Kitzur Dinei Taharah 3:25

The reason: This is due to the impurity found in a cemetery which can attach itself to the woman during Nidda. [Peri Hasadeh 4:94] See Hakdama of Shut Mahram Shick for a frightening episode that occurred with the daughter of the Mahram Shick when she visited her mother’s grave despite being a Nidda, and against the wishes of her father. The Mahram Shick testifies that he had to use G-d’s holy names in order to save her from damage.
Dam Besulin: A Kallah may visit a cemetery when she is seeing blood of Dam Besulin. [See Divrei Moshe 1:54]

Dam Tohar: A woman after birth may go to a cemetery when seeing Dam Tohar [after her first Mikveh, before 40/80 days pass from birth of boy/girl]. [See Daas Torah 88]

[49] Chayeh Adam 3:38; M”B 88:7; Kaf Hachaim 88:12; Shiureiy Shevet Halevy p. 274; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; See Nitei Gavriel ibid who also brings from: Tirosh Veyitzhar 146; Taharas Yisrael 195:51; Kneses Yechezkal Sefaradi “Nun” 89; Maharam Shick in Hakdama.

[50] Shulchan Melachim Dinei Nidda Veyoledes 5 [p. 35]; Peri Hasadeh 4:93 [questions Chayeh Adam]; Taharah Kehalacha ibid footnote 279; See Nitei Gavriel ibid that also brings from: Chemdas Moshe 62; Leket Hakemach 88; Beir Mordechai 195; Divrei Shalom 4:154; Poskim brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 73 and that so is Minhag Yerushalayim

[51] See Shulchan Melachim ibid “As otherwise any single girl or woman, whether she is still a Besula or is widowed or divorced will never be able to go to a cemetery”

[52] Shiureiy Shevet Halevi p. 274; Taharah Kehalacha ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[53] Daas Torah 88 in name of Chemdas Moshe 62; Shulchan Melachim Dinei Nidda Veyoledes 5 [p. 35]; Nitei Gavriel ibid; Taharah Kehalacha ibid

[54] Shiureiy Shevet Halevi ibid; Nitei Gavriel ibid; Taharah Kehalacha ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[55] Shulchan Melachim ibid; Nitei Gavriel ibid; Taharah Kehalacha

[56] Shulchan Melachim ibid; See Orchos Chaim 88 in name of Maharsham, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 76

[57] Taharah Kehalacha 14:130

[58] Chibas Yerushalayim Mamar “Ranenu Tzaddikim” 3, brought in Taharah Kehalacha ibid footnote 283; See Nitei Gavriel ibid that also brings from: Kneses Yechezkal Sefaradi “Nun” 89 that in Bagdad the custom was to avoid visiting Kivrei Tzaddikim until they went to Mikveh; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid that so was directive of Chida regarding Kever Rashbi

[59] Beir Mordechai in name of Asher Ledavid p. 35, brought in Taharah Kehalacha ibid footnote 283

[60] Taharah Kehalacha ibid; I was told by Rav Moshe Y. L. Landau, chief Rabbi of Bnei Brak, that practically this is the custom a woman is to follow and hence they are not to go to the Ohel when seeing an actual flow, but they may go during the other days.

[61] Taharah Kehalacha ibid in name of “Elderly women of prestige families” in Yerushalayim.

[62] No such prohibition or warning is mentioned in any of the Poskim

[63] So is accustomed by some families. There is no known source for this adherence, and it is seemingly similar to the adherence of some to not enter a cemetery while pregnant, due to the impurity.

[64] See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 2 85:5-12; Shulchan Menachem 5:328

[65] Custom recorded in Tirosh Veyitzhar 146; Dudaei Sadeh 38; Mishmeres Shalom Hei 132 [however states that if never went before then permitted]; Maharam Brisk 44; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote

The reason: The reason for this is due to worry that the parent will be particular over the fact the child has not visited in so long and may even cause a persecution against the child above. [See Dudaei Sadeh ibid; Pnei Baruch 37 footnote 47]

Women: See Nitei Gavriel 84:9 for a dispute regarding if this applies also to married women who did not visit. See Igros Kodesh 24:338 which involved a question from a woman. It is however unclear if she was single or married.

[66] Afrasakta Deanya 168 in name of Divrei Chaim, however only regarding if all sons did not visit; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid 84:5 footnote 6

[67] Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1012; Shem Mishimon 14 based on story in Zohar; Yosef Daas 355 based on fact Kaleiv visited Kivrei Avos after ten years; Yalkut Daas Vadin p. 159; Hisorerus Teshuvah Y.D. 187; Gesher Hachaim 29:16; Divrei Yoel 104; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid 84:5 footnote 8

[68] Likkutei Sichos 20:647; Toras Menachem 3:267 “The custom used to be not to visit and now the custom is to visit after sending a messenger” [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:328]

[69] Tirosh Veyitzhar 146; Hisorerus Teshuvah Y.D. 187; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 85:11 footnote 15; Likkutei Sichos 20:647 “Some are accustomed to send a messenger and give charity even though this is not necessary”; Toras Menachem 3:267 “The custom used to be not to visit and now the custom is to visit after sending a messenger”; [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:328] This advice was not mentioned in Igros Kodesh 24:338

[70] Likkutei Sichos 20:647 “Some are accustomed to send a messenger and give charity even though this is not necessary”; Igros Kodesh 24:338 “Give charity before and after. [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:328] In the above letter [Igros Kodesh 24:338] the Rebbe advised a woman who had not visited the grave in seven years to a) immerse in a Mikveh that day, before going. b) Fix the Matzeiva or a matter of the like; c) Give charity before and afterwards.

[71] Tirosh Veyitzhar 146; Dudaei Sadeh 38; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 85:12 footnote 17

[72] M”A 559:15 in name of Arizal; Chayeh Adam 138:8; Misgeres Hashulchan 344:16; Alef Hamagen 581:109; Kaf Hachaim 581:90; See Chikrei Minhagim p. 273; Nitei Gavriel 86:3-4

[73] One who visits the cemetery prior to immersion causes the Kelipos to cleave to him. [ibid]

[74] See Chayeh Adam 135:22; M”B ibid

[75] Mishmeres Shalom Hei 29 in name of Yifei Laleiv; Nitei Gavriel 80:7

[76] Mishmeres Shalom Hei 29 in name of Maharsham; Nitei Gavriel 80:8