*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
2. Who commemorates the Yahrzeit?[1]
All family and friends may choose to commemorate the day of the Yahrzeit through prayer, giving charity, and family gatherings, in memory of the deceased. However, the customs of the Yahrzeit enumerated below in this chapter [i.e. Fasting, Siyum Misechta, Kaddish, etc] are kept specifically by the children of the deceased and not by the other relatives. It is, however, customary for a student to commemorate the Yahrzeit of his Rebbe, similar to the Yahrzeit of his parent.[2] See Q&A regarding the Yahrzeit of a child and grandparent. See Chapter 26 Halacha 2 for the full details regarding who says Kaddish.
|
Q&A Is a Yahrzeit commemorated for a child who passed away below Bar Mitzvah?[3] Yes. A Yahrzeit is commemorated on behalf of a child of any age who passed away r”l, as long as the child was over 30 days old.[4] Who is to say the Kaddish?[5] It is best for the father of the child to recite Kaddish for his son if the father’s parents are not alive. If his parents are alive, then he is not to say Kaddish and rather another person is to be hired to do so, unless his parents are Mochel. Should a grandson say Kaddish and Daven for the Amud on the Yahrzeit of a grandparent?[6] Kaddish: If the deceased did not leave a son to say Kaddish for him then a grandson, whether of the son or daughter, is to say Kaddish on his behalf.[7] This however is only allowed if the grandson does not have any parents, or his parents are Mochel and allow him to say Kaddish for the grandfather. If, however, his father or mother is Makpid, he may not say it.[8] If both parents are alive many are accustomed not to say Kaddish even if both parents are Mochel.[9] Davening for Amud:[10] If the deceased did not leave a son to lead the Amud, then a grandson, whether of the son or daughter is to Daven as Chazan on his behalf. This applies even if the grandson cannot say Kaddish for his grandfather being that his parents are alive. Should a husband commemorate the Yahrzeit of his deceased wife if he has since remarried?[11] It is improper to do so. For how many years is a Yahrzeit commemorated? One is to commemorate a Yahrzeit of a parent forever, so long as one lives.[12] [However, some Poskim[13] rule that a Yahrzeit is commemorated for up to 50 years, and not longer.[14] Practically, the custom is like the former opinion.[15]] |
[1] One who caused another person to die, such as in a car accident: See Seridei Eish 3:88 and Nitei Gavriel 72:7 that such a person should fast each year by the Yahrzeit or give money to charity on his behalf, in addition to helping support the persons family.
[2] See Igros Kodesh 4:143
[3] Michaber 344:4 and Shach 344:3 regarding Kaddish of Tziduk Hadin; Igros Kodesh 19:44 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306] that the same applies throughout the year; Tzitz Eliezer 7:86-7; Gesher Hachaim 1:118; Pnei Baruch 34:30; Nitei Gavriel 70:3
Other opinions: Some write that one is not to say Kaddish on behalf of a child below 13 years of age. [Sefarim brought in Igros Kodesh ibid]
[4] The reason: As although a child is not held responsible for wronging, nevertheless, there are many benefits of Kaddish asides for removing him from Gehinnom. See also Noda Beyehuda ibid that a child is punished for wrongdoing.
[5] Igros Kodesh 19:44 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:306]; However, see Igros Kodesh 15:330 that it is best to hire another person to say it rather than the father, although it is unclear from the letter if the person had parents and if the parents were Makpid; See Hiskashrus 644:16
[6] See Toras Menachem 3:7
[7] Mateh Ephraim 3:4; Nitei Gavriel 70:12; So rule regarding Kaddish during the first year: Shut Rama 118, brought in M”A 132:2; Kneses Hagedola 403, brought in Kaf Hachaim 55:28; Beir Heiytiv 132:5; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376; Beis Hillel 376; Teshuvah Meahava 1:17, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 376:7 [See there for the details of Kadima for a grandson]; Gilyon Maharsha 376; Peri Hasadeh 92; Igros Kodesh 12:196 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:296]
[8] See Teshuvas Harama ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule a mother cannot protest the son saying Kaddish for his father’s father. [Teshuvas Shaiy, brought in Beis Lechem Yehuda ibid]
[9] See sources in Chapter 26 Halacha 2
[10] Peri Hasadeh 92 regarding the year of Aveilus; Nitei Gavriel 70:12; Toras Menachem 3:7 that the Rebbe Rashab Davened for the Amud on the Yahrzeit of the Tzemach Tzedek and the Rebbe Rayatz Davened for the Amud on the Yahrzeit of the Rebbe Maharash
[11] Shut Chasam Sofer Y.D. 355 regarding Likkut Atzamos; Sefer Zichros Moshe p. 65 in name of Chasam Sofer that he did not allow his wife to light a candle for her previous husbands Yartziet; Beir Moshe 4:104 based on Michaber 385:2 and Moed Katan 21b and Hagahos Maimanis Hilchos Semachos; Nitei Gavriel 70:21; See Dudaei Hasadeh 14; Gesher Hachaim 31:9; Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 79:10; See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 11:1-3; Ateres Moshe 2:240; Nitei Gavriel 66:332-33; Minchas Moshe 114 [forbidden]; Seridei Eish 2:136; Nitei Gavriel 80:5-6; See Gesher Hachaim 29:8
[12] Rama 376:4 in name of Maharil “On the day of the Yahrzeit of a mother or father, one recites Kaddish forever.”; Rav Poalim 4 So Yesharim 17; Minchas Elazar 4:33 in negation of opinions brought next; See Nitei Gavriel 78:22 footnote 41
The reason: As each year the Neshamah receives an Aliya, forever. [Rav Poalim ibid]
[13] Sefarim brought in Nitei Gavriel 78:22 footnote 40 and that so held the Steipler, Ger, Vizhnitz
[14] The reason: As the Neshamah no longer receives any judgment in Gehinnom. [Sefarim ibid]
[15] Nitei Gavriel 78:22
Leave A Comment?
You must be logged in to post a comment.