Are women to attend a Levaya/funeral?

Attending the funeral:[1] Women are permitted and obligated to attend funerals just like men.[2] Some communities are accustomed for women to attend and walk ahead of the casket. Others are accustomed for the women to attend and walk behind the casket. Now, the custom is for women to follow from behind the casket, and one is not to swerve from this custom.[3] [However, in some communities it is accustomed for women not to attend funerals at all.[4] This is the custom in Jerusalem[5], and Tzefat.[6] This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[7] The Chabad custom is to allow women to attend a funeral, and one is not to be stringent in this matter.[8] The women, however, are to remain stationary and are not to follow the casket as it begins to move.[9] The women are to remain separated from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[10]]

Attending the burial:[11] Women are not to attend the burial that proceeds after the Levaya[12], and if they desire to do so they are to be persuaded not to attend.[13] [This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[14] However, some learn that even according to the Zohar, women may attend the burial so long as they stay behind the men, and the danger is only when the men turn around.[15] Practically, the Chabad custom is to allow women to attend the burial, and they may enter into the cemetery where the burial will take place.[16] The women are to remain separate from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[17]]

Not to look at women during or after the Levaya: See Halacha 4!

Separation of men and women-Not to look at women during, or after, the Levaya:[23]

Throughout the proceedings of the funeral and burial it is forbidden to look at the faces of the women attending the funeral/burial.[24] This applies while the women are at the funeral and when the women return from the funeral or burial.[25] [However, those women who did not attend the funeral do not need to be abstained from.[26] Some Poskim[27] rule that the above adherence is only necessary if the person was killed by the Malach Hamaves, such as due to natural causes. If, however, he is a murder victim, then the Malach Hamaves does not attend the funeral, and there is no need to avoid seeing the women.]

Separation of men and women through the funeral proceedings: For the above reason, the men may not stand in front of the women when they return from the funeral, and they are not to greet them face to face during the funeral. Rather, during the funeral, the men are to follow either in back of the women or in front of them, and after the funeral, the men are not to stand in front of the women [at all, even with their backs to the women[28]]. Upon returning from the funeral or burial[29], the men are to exit through a different route in order not to greet the women. [In some communities the custom is for the men to leave prior to the women, and for the women to delay and stay by the grave until 15 minutes pass from after the men left.[30] Others are accustomed to do the contrary and have the women leave before the men.] (If, however, there are less than seven women present, there is no need to worry so much of this matter.[31])

What to do in case one sees a woman: In the event that one comes face to face with the women, he is to skip four Amos [6 feet] from his current position, and if there is a river present, he is to cross it. Alternatively, if there is another route, he is to take that route. If there is a wall he is to stand behind the wall until the women pass. If this too is not possible, then one is to turn his face away from the women and say the verse “Vayomer Hashem El HaSatan Yigar Hashem Becha etc” until all the women pass. (If, however, there are less than seven women present, there is no need to worry so much of this matter.[32])

[1] Michaber 359:1

[2] See Michaber 359:1; Admur Shemiras Haguf 10; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10; Nitei Gavriel 65:1

[3] Michaber 359:1

[4] Beis Hillel 359 in his understanding of Michaber 359:2; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10 that so is custom of some communities; Teshuvah Meahava 3:359; Nehar Mitzrayim 44; Eretz Chaim 359; See glosses of Beis Lechem Yehuda; Shevet Halevi 2:212; Nitei Gavriel 68:2

[5] So is the widespread custom today, Vetzaruch Iyun, as it is clear from Eretz Chaim ibid as well as Gesher Hachaim that women would attend the funeral.

[6] Eretz Chaim ibid in name of Vayikra Avraham p. 126 that “In Tzefas the custom is that the women do not attend the funeral at all, not in front of the body or behind it, and even the women who are standing outside enter their homes while the body is being carried.”

[7] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!

[8] Igros Kodesh 31 printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:265 in reply to Rav Ushpal’s suggestion of banning women from attending funerals that “This is not the custom in Chabad and that he should not enter such Chumros into Chabad”

[9] Rav Leibel Groner in reply to the author

[10] Rav Leibel Groner ibid; See Mavor Yabok ibid “The widespread custom in all of Eretz Yisrael that at first the men go, and they appoint guards to prevent any of the women from passing until all the men leave. After the burial, the women remain there for approximately 15 minutes until all the men have left.”

[11] Michaber 359:2; Shach 359:2; See Beis Hillel 359; Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 68:5

[12] So understands Shach ibid in Michaber ibid, in order to avoid a contradiction between Michaber 359:1 and 2. However, Beis Hillel 359 understands that Halacha 1 refers to the Talmudic law, while Halacha 2 refers to the Zoharic ruling, which is that the women are not to attend the funeral at all, even prior to the burial

[13] The reason: As doing so causes danger to the world. [Shach ibid]

[14] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!

[15] Beis Lechem Yehuda 359 in name of Beis Yaakov

[16] Rav Leibel Groner and Rav Eliyahu Landau in reply to the author

[17] Rabbanim and Poskim ibid

[18] See Minchas Yitzchak 10:42; Nitei Gavriel Volume 1 67:7 and Volume 2 84:4

[19] Pashut as there is no source for forbidding it, and so is proved from the fact the Poskim [below] bring that even the wife of a Kohen that is pregnant may enter a cemetery, and as writes the Kneses Hagedola [brought in Birkeiy Yosef 343/4] that even by the pregnant wife of a Kohen those who are stringent are doing Minhag Borus [custom of ignorance], hence certainly the wife of a Yisrael is allowed.

[20] This custom has no known source. A number of possible reasons are suggested: 1) Perhaps this is due to the fact that it is proper for the pregnant wife of a Kohen to avoid a cemetery, and hence we see that the fetus can receive impurity. Now since we await the rebuilding of the Temple every day the women avoid going to a cemetery, as if the Temple is rebuilt while they are still pregnant they will be able to give over their pure sons to perform the necessary actions required for the Para Aduma. [Minchas Yitzchak ibid; See Parah Mishneh 3/2] 2) Alternatively, it is because they desire to avoid any impurity during the pregnancy. [Nitei Gavriel ibid; See Sheivet Hamussar 24]

[21] Poskim ibid based on Rashba that we do not differ a tradition received from righteous women even if we have 600,000 proofs against it. [brought in Heishiv Moshe 13]

[22] Heard from Rav Asher Lemel HaCohen

[23] Admur Shemiras Guf Vinefesh Halacha 10; Brachos 51a; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10; See Shach 359:2; Nitei Gavriel 68:2

[24] The reason: As the angel of death dances and walks in front of the women, and he has permission to cause them damage, as he ascends and prosecutes and descends and takes another life. [Admur ibid; Gemara ibid; Zohar Vayakhel 196]

[25] Admur ibid “And the same applies when they are escorting the body”; See Y.D. Michaber 359:2 “Women are to be prevented from entering the cemetery by a funeral.”; Shach 359:2 “If the women follow after the dead in the cemetery by the funeral, they cause evil to the world Ch”v”; The Poskim learn that the main prohibition and danger is specifically when the women return from the burial, although it also slightly applies during the funeral. [See Kitzur SHU”A 198:10; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68 footnote 9]

[26] Daas Kedoshim 343:3; Nitei Gavriel 68:6

[27] Beis Lechem Yehuda 359 in name of Beis Yaakov 72; Nitei Gavriel 68:5

[28] This implies that after the funeral one should not stand in front of the women, whether he is facing them, or walking in front of them with his back to their faces. This is different than the law of women during the funeral, in which the only restriction is to see them face to face, however, one may walk in front of them, with ones back to their face.

[29] Admur ibid does not differentiate between the two; See also Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:7 footnote 14

[30] Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10 “The widespread custom in all of Eretz Yisrael that at first the men go, and they appoint guards to prevent any of the women from passing until all the men leave. After the burial, the women remain there for approximately 15 minutes until all the men have left.”

[31] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:4 footnote 11

[32] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:4 footnote 11