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18. Switching one’s seat:[1]
An Avel is to switch his seat [in his Shul[2]] throughout the first two weeks of Aveilus, up until the third week.[3] If he desires to switch seats also in the third week, he may do so.[4] Today, however, the Ashkenazi custom is to switch seats throughout the entire period of mourning, 12 months for the mourning of a parent and 30 days for the mourning of other relatives. Although this custom has no source, nevertheless, one is not to swerve from the custom, as every place is to follow their custom.[5] [The widespread Sephardi custom, however, is to be lenient, although some Sephardi communities are stringent.]
Shabbos: Some Poskim[6] rule that those Aveilim who are accustomed not to change their seats in Shul on Shabbos are doing the proper thing. [So was the custom of the Arizal.[7]] Other Poskim[8] however rule that even on Shabbos the Avel is to change seats [on the second Shabbos, and according to the custom, throughout the entire period of Aveilus, which is 12 months for a parent and 30 days for other relatives[9]]. Practically, so is the common custom [of Ashkenazi Jewry, and some Sephardic communities[10]] and one is not to swerve from the custom.[11] Some Poskim[12] however rule that this only applies if one arrived to Shul prior to the start of Shabbos, if however the Minyan already recited Kabalas Shabbos, then he is not sit in a different seat than usual.
Yom Tov: If one’s relative passed away on Yom Tov there is no need to switch seats on Yom Tov.[13] [However, if one started Shiva before Yom Tov, then whether one should switch seats on Yom Tov follows the same ruling as switching seats on Shabbos.[14] Some Poskim[15] however rule it is not necessary to switch one’s seating area on Yom Tov even according to the ruling of the Rama.]
Tishe Beav:[16] There is no need for the Avel to switch seats on Tishe Beav.
Onen:[17] An Onen is required to change his seat in Shul even though he is prior to the start of Shiva.
Chabad custom:
Many Chabad Chassidim are accustomed not to change their seating area on Shabbos, as rules the first opinion above.[18] The custom of Russian Jewry [including Chabad] was not to switch areas.[19] During the week, however, one is to switch seating areas in Shul throughout the period of Aveilus [at times that he is not Davening for the Amud] unless stated otherwise by one’s Rav.[20]
Summary: An Avel is to switch his seat in Shul throughout the first two weeks of Aveilus, up until the third week. Furthermore, the custom is to switch seats throughout the entire period of mourning, 12 months for the mourning of a parent, and 30 days for the mourning of other relatives. It is disputed if an Avel is to change their seats in Shul on Shabbos or Yom Tov. Many Chabad Chassidim are accustomed not to change their seating area on Shabbos.
Q&A Is a woman who is an Avel to change her seating area in Shul? This follows the same ruling as men. When, however, she comes to Shul in the midst of Shabbos, she is not to change her seats, as explained above.
Must one change his seating area in his house or other area? Some Poskim[21] rule the Avel is required to change his set place of sitting even in his house [or other area in which he has a set seat, even if it is not a Shul[22]].[23] Nevertheless, the custom is not to make any seating changes in one’s house even during the first two weeks, and certainly not during the 12 months, and practically there is no need to be stringent in this matter.[24] Beis Midrash:[25] It is not necessary for one to switch his seating area in the Beis Midrash while learning.
If one has a set standing area in Shul must he change his standing area? Some Poskim[26] rule he is not required to change his standing area. Other Poskim[27], however, rule he is required to do so.
How far from one’s original seating area is one to sit? Some Poskim[28] rule he is to distance himself at least four Amos from his regular seating area [if doing so is physically possible[29]]. Other Poskim[30] rule it is not necessary, and so long as he sits in a different place than his set place, it is valid even if it is within four Amos.
May one switch to a better seating area?[31] No. One is not to switch to a more important seating area, such as closer to the Aron/Mizarach, or to any other area that one would have switched to irrelevant of the Aveilus.
Is the Rav of the Shul to switch seats?[32] Shabbos/Yom Tov:[33] The Rav of the city is not to change seats on Shabbos.[34] During the week: Some Poskim[35] write that the Rav of the Shul is not to switch seats even during the week, in order not to diminish the respect he is given by the community. However, he is to slightly move his seat during the week.
Is an Avel for a parent who switches places for 12 months, to switch places also on the 1st Yahrzeit? Some Poskim[36] rule that one may return to his original place on the day of the Yahrzeit, starting from Maariv. Nevertheless, the custom of the world is to only switch back to one’s original place after the Yahrzeit.[37]
After the conclusion of the period of Aveilus [30 days; 12 months] is one to return to his original seat?[38] It is not necessary to do so if one wishes to remain in his changed seat. |
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[1] Michaber 393:2; Moed Katan 23a; Pnei Baruch 22
[2] See Q&A
[3] The reason: This is done as a form of exile, as moving areas is exile. One must conclude that the relative died due to one’s sins and hence one is in need of atonement through exile. [Chochmas Shlomo 393, brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 2] Alternatively, the reason is because the attribute of judgment rests on an Avel [and one hence requires changing of places in order to change one’s Mazal]. [Shem Mishimon Y.D. 32, brought in Pnei Baruch ibid] See Nitei Gavriel 12 footnote 20 for various other reasons mentioned behind this Halacha.
The status of the weeks if a Yom Tov nullified Shiva: If Yom Tov has nullified Shiva, then after Yom Tov is considered the 3rd week, with exception to after Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. [See Michaber 399:12]
[4] Rama ibid; Hagahos Maimanis
[5] Rama ibid; See also Shach 399:18
Other customs: Some are not accustomed at all to change seating areas if they are an Avel for other relatives and not a parent. [Makor Chaim 128:3, brought in Nitei Gavriel 2 12:1]
[6] Michaber 393:4; Rambam Avel 13 [brought in Beir Hagoleh]; Birkeiy Yosef 393 “One should follow this opinion even if it opposes the custom of his community, if it won’t lead to people thinking he is being haughty”; Panim Meiros 2:123, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4-5; Maharam Shick 369; Rav Poalim 4:33; Igros Moshe Y.D. 257 that so was custom of his father; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 9; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 12:2 footnote 4
[7] Birkeiy Yosef 393
[8] Rama ibid in name of Nimukei Yosef; Radbaz 2:662;
[9] See Rama 400:2 regarding not to switch on Shabbos within Shloshim [for other relatives]; Shevet Halevi 4:152 that so is custom; Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 10
Other opinions: Some write that one is only to follow the Rama ibid, to switch seating areas on Shabbos, within the Shiva or Shloshim, however not throughout the entire year. [Gesher Hachaim 22:3, brought in Pnei Baruch ibid]
The thirtieth day falls on Shabbos: If the thirtieth day [for other relatives] falls on Shabbos one may switch places beginning from Friday night. [Rama 400:2] The same applies if the thirtieth day falls on Purim. [Beis Lechem Yehuda 401:2]
[10] See next footnote in name of Ruach Chaim and Yifei Laleiv who were father and son from Istanbul, Turkey.
[11] Rama ibid and 400:2; Radbaz ibid; Shach 393:7 defends with ruling of Rama; Biur Hagr”a; Halef Lecha Shlomo 315; Chochmas Adam 167; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15; Aruch Hashulchan 393:3; Ruach Chaim [Falagi] 393 that so is custom of Izmor; Yifei Laleiv 5:397; Eretz Chaim 383 that so is custom of Tzefas; Igros Moshe Y.D. 257; Shevet Halevi 4:152; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 12:2 footnote 3
The reason: As this is not considered a matter of public Aveilus being that often people change seats in Shul for a variety of reasons. [Levush in name of Nemukei Yosef, brought in Shach 393:7] Alternatively, Aveilus that applies during Shloshim applies also during Shabbos. [Shach ibid based on Michaber 400]
[12] Taz O.C. 526, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 394; Nachalas Shiva 73 regarding a Yoledes; Panim Meiros 2:124; brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 393
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one must sit in a different area even if he arrived to Shul on Shabbos. [P”M 526 M”Z 1 based on Elya Raba 547:7; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:6; Shevet Halevi 4:152]
[13] M”A 548:5 in name of Maharam Melublin 107; P”M 548 A”A 5; Gilyon Maharsha 393; See there for the opinion of the Kneses Hagedola
The reason: As the Aveilus has not yet begun and it is thus not proper to begin it during the festival. [ibid]
[14] Clear implication of Poskim ibid; See Nitei Gavriel 12:5 footnote 8 in name of other Poskim and that so is the custom
[15] Gesher Hachaim 23:3-6; See Nitei Gavriel 12:5 footnote 9 in name of Poskim
[16] Pnei Baruch 22:5 in name of Maharil
[17] Implication of M”A 548:5 in name of Maharam Melublin 107; P”M 548 A”A 5; Gilyon Maharsha 393 that only when he became an Onen on Yom Tov does he not need to switch areas.
[18] See the Rebbe’s reply in next footnote; Rabbi Leibel Groner replied to the following question “Is it our Minhag to change seats during the year of Aveilus? The question applies both during the week and on Shabbos.” Some do and some do not. I was not able to verify our minhag. The Rebbe however did not change seats on Shabbos.
[19] Reply of Rebbe to Rav Gurary [i.e. Rashag], printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 371 and Shulchan Menachem 5:312; Rav Gurary asked the Rebbe if according to our custom the Avel changes seating areas. It is unclear if the question raised was discussing even the weekday or only Shabbos. The Rebbe replied that in Russia he did not see this done, but in Germany he did. In essence, the Rebbe did not give an unequivocal answer regarding the custom of the Rebbeim, and simply replied with the custom of the different countries. It is also unclear, as stated above if the Rebbe’s reply referred even to weekdays.
[20] As the Rama ibid rules that so is the custom throughout the period of Aveilus, and since we have no clear directive that the Chabad custom is not to change areas during the week, therefore one is to follow the ruling of the Rama. However, as Rabbi Groner replied, some are not accustomed to change areas even during the week, and hence one is to follow the ruling of the Rama unless he receives a ruling from his Rav stating otherwise. To note, that up until the start of the third week of Aveilus, changing areas is required from the letter of the law and not just as a custom, and hence the question for a Rav is only with regards to whether one is to switch areas past the second week!
[21] Gilyon Maharsha ibid; Chochmas Adam 167:2 in his ruling of the letter of the law
[22] Chochmas Adam ibid
[23] As the Talmud and Poskim do not mention any stipulation to limit this Halacha to a Shul. [Chochmas Adam ibid]
[24] Chochmas Adam 167:2; Darkei Hachaim 20:7; Pnei Baruch 22:1; Nitei Gavriel 12:15
[25] Nitei Gavriel 12:15 footnote 24
[26] Tzitz Eliezer 7:49 based on Maharam Shick 369; Pnei Baruch 22:1
[27] Lev Avraham 97
[28] Chamudei Daniel, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:7; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15
[29] Gesher Hachaim 22:3
[30] Maharam Shick Y.D. 369; Nitei Gavriel 12:9 that custom is to be lenient
[31] Halef Lecha Shlomo 315; Maharam Shick ibid; Kitzur SHU”A 211:15; Pnei Baruch 22:2 footnote 7; Nitei Gavriel 12:10
[32] See Nitei Gavriel 12:12 footnote 20-21
[33] Ikarei Hadaat Y.D. 36:58; Gilyon Maharsha 393 states that he did not switch seats on Shabbos, with exception to the second Shabbos in which case he did not go to Shul; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 12
[34] The reason: As this will certainly be public Aveilus. [ibid]
[35] Maharam Shick 369; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 22 footnote 13
[36] Shut Magidos [of Peri Megadim] 81; However, see there 89 that he did not actually do this being that he has never seen this done; Pnei Baruch 22:6
[37] See Shut Magidos 89 that he did not actually return to his original place on the Yahrzeit being that he has never seen this done.
[38] Shevet Halevi 4:152
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