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It is a [Rabbinical[2]] obligation upon one who sees[3] a funeral procession to participate in the funeral.[4] One who sees a funeral procession and does not participate in escorting the deceased, transgresses the prohibition of “Loeg Lerash/Mocking the dead,” and is liable for excommunication.[5] [This obligation applies even if the burial will not take place at this time, such as the deceased is being buried in another city or country.[6]]
How long must one escort the deceased? One is at the very least to escort the deceased for the distance of four Amos.[7] [Ideally, however, one is to escort the deceased until the cemetery.[8] One is to remain there until after the burial.[9] However, the custom is not to be particular to do so and rather to escort the deceased for four Amos.[10] If the deceased will not have a Minyan or enough helpers, then he must escort him until the cemetery.[11] Those who only escort four Amos, the custom is not to leave the area until the deceased is out of site.[12]]
Minimal number of participants:[13] Although from the letter of the law, there is no minimal number of participants required for a funeral, and whoever sees the procession is obligated to participate, while whoever does not see it is not required to participate, the custom of Jewry is to make sure that at least a Minyan of ten Jewish males over the age of thirteen are present at the funeral and burial.
Levayah of a woman: The above law and obligation to participate in a funeral procession being witnessed, applies whether the deceased is a man or a woman, and all the details of a funeral apply equally to women.[14] However, some Poskim[15] rule that the Mara Deasra, and Rabbinical leader of a city, is not to escort a woman by her funeral, due to it being a belittlement of his honor. Other Poskim[16], however, negate this opinion, and rule that even a Rabbinical leader is to attend the funeral of a woman, upon witnessing its procession.
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Funeral of an infant: There is no obligation to participate in the funeral of a Nefel [i.e. still born, or baby who died within thirty days].[17] Nevertheless, some Poskim[18] rule that a child who passed away within 30 days of birth, is to have at least three people escort him to the burial. The custom however is for the infant to be brought to the burial alone, only in the presence of the Chevra Kadisha.[19] Funeral of a gentile:[20] One is obligated to escort a gentile by his funeral for a distance of at least four Amos, for the sake of peace. Likewise, a gentile who was one of the Chassidei Umos Haolam must be escorted, as they too have a portion in the world to come. [Nevertheless, it is forbidden to enter a church or other place of worship to participate in the memorial or funeral ceremony.[21] Likewise, one is not to pass in front of the body of the deceased, as is the custom of gentiles. Likewise, one is not to enter the cemetery if it contains crosses.[22]] Funeral of an enemy:[23] One may participate in the funeral of his enemy and escort him. [Nevertheless, he should not carry the coffin.[24]] Funeral of ex-husband or wife:[25] One may participate in the funeral of his/her ex-spouse. This applies even if he or she has remarried. Must one escort the deceased whenever he is seen being moved from one area to another, or only by the funeral procession?[26] One is only required to escort the deceased by the official funeral procession taking place for the deceased, and not when moving the deceased outside of the funeral procession. One who is in a car and sees a funeral:[27] One who is in a car and sees a funeral, is to initially step out of his car and escort the deceased for at least four Amos. If he is unable to get out of his car at this time, then he should remain parked until the funeral passes from in front of him. Asking forgiveness if one could not attend the funeral:[28] If one could not attend the funeral for whatever reason, he is to ask for forgiveness from the deceased and say Tehillim or give charity in his merit during the time of the burial. [If one is inside his house and cannot exit while the funeral is in procession, then he is at the very least to look outside a window that faces the procession until it passes from before him.[29]] |
- One who is in the midst of learning Torah:[30]
One [is obligated[31] to] nullify Torah study for the sake of participating in a funeral procession [if one sees the funeral taking place[32]]. This however depends on the stature of the deceased and amount of people already participating in the funeral. The rule is as follows:
Torah scholar who has students: All people [who see the funeral taking place[33]], even those in the midst of learning Torah, are required to participate in the funeral of a Torah scholar who taught others Torah, irrelevant of how many people are present.
Learned Jew but no students: If the deceased was a learned individual[34], but did not have students and teach others, then even one who is learning must participate in the funeral if there aren’t 600,000 people present [and he sees the funeral taking place[35]].[36]
Ignoramus: If the deceased was not learned, it suffices for there to be ten people by the funeral/burial[37], and all others are not required to nullify their Torah learning in order to attend [even if they see the funeral taking place[38]].[39] In general, one can assume that a deceased has enough participants by his funeral/burial and one is not required to verify this.[40] Some Poskim[41] however rule that in today’s times, all people are considered somewhat learned, and hence one is to nullify his Torah learning to participate in a funeral of even a random Jew.[42] A Rav however is not to stop from teaching his students to participate in the funeral of a random Jew who has enough participants.[43]
Women: Regarding the funeral of a woman, some Poskim[44] rule she has the same status as a learned Jew regarding the obligation to participate, while other Poskim[45] rule she has the status of an unlearned Jew. Practically, the custom by the funeral of a woman is to be lenient and not to nullify Torah study to participate in the funeral [even if one sees the funeral taking place[46]].
Children: There is no obligation to nullify Torah study to participate in the funeral of a child [even if one sees the funeral taking place[47]].[48] Children [and their teacher[49]] who are learning are not to nullify their learning in order to participate in a funeral at all [irrelevant of stature of the deceased].[50] [Nonetheless, many are customary to have children attend the funeral of a very great Sage who passed away.[51]]
Participating in funeral preparations and burial: All the above is in regards to participating in the funeral procession, however regarding helping with funeral preparations and/or burial, one is not to nullify his learning to participate [irrelevant of the stature of the deceased, unless one knows that there is no one dealing with the arrangements].[52] One who is learning Torah is not required to stop his learning to verify regarding any deceased that there are people dealing with the funeral arrangements and burial.[53] This applies even in cities that do not contain a Chevra Kadisha that deal with the needs of the deceased.[54]
Standing during funeral:[55] Even in those circumstances that one is not obligated to escort the deceased, one is nevertheless required to stand in his presence.[56] [If the deceased was a scholar, then one is required to stand in his presence in his own right.[57] Even if the deceased was not a scholar, one is obligated to stand due to the people escorting him who are fulfilling the Mitzvah of Gemilus Chassadim.[58] The custom in Bagdad was that whenever a funeral procession was passing a home, the people in the home would all stand up until the entire procession passed.[59]]
- One who is in the midst of working:[60]
All those who are not learning Torah are obligated to participate in a funeral procession that they see, irrelevant of the stature of the deceased, or the amount of people already present.[61] This applies even to people in middle of work, they must nevertheless stop their work and join the funeral in all cases.
Participating in funeral preparations and burial:[62] The above only applies in regard to attending the funeral procession, however regarding funeral preparation and burial, they are not required to participate so long as the city contains a Chevra Kadisha’s that deal with the needs of the deceased. If, however, no such society exists in one’s city, then all those who are not learning Torah must stop their work and deal with the funeral and burial of the deceased.
May stores remain open? Based on the above, stores may remain open after a person in the city has passed away, and while a funeral takes place, so long as there is a Chevra Kadisha in the city which deals with the funeral and burial. [If there is no Chevra Kadisha, then everyone in the town must close their stores and deal with the funeral and burial arrangements.] Nevertheless, if a worker or storeowner sees a funeral procession taking place, then he must join as stated above. [Despite the above, some cities have a Takana that all stores remain closed when a deceased is within the city, until after the burial.[63] This is commonly followed today when a Gadol Biyisrael passes away, that the stores remain closed until after the funeral and burial.[64]]
| Summary A-C: One who sees a funeral procession taking place is obligated to stop whatever he is doing and participate in the funeral, whether the deceased is a man, woman or child, scholar or ignoramus. One is at the very least to escort the deceased for the distance of four Amos. If the deceased will not have a Minyan, or enough helpers, then he must escort him until the cemetery. One who sees a funeral procession and does not participate in escorting the deceased, transgresses the prohibition of “Loeg Lerash/Mocking the dead”, and is liable for excommunication. One who is in the midst of Torah study: The above obligation to attend a funeral procession which one sees taking place applies even if one is in the midst of Torah study, unless there are already 600,00 people present and the deceased did not teach students Torah. If the deceased is a woman or child, one is not required to nullify his Torah learning for the sake of attending the funeral procession even if he sees it taking place. Nevertheless, he is stand up in their honor, so long as the procession can be seen. Children are not to nullify their Torah learning to participate in a funeral. Q&A Is the obligation to participate in a funeral only if one sees the funeral procession taking place or even if one simply knows about its occurrence?[65] The obligation to stop working/learning and participate in a funeral procession only applies when one sees the body of the deceased [or funeral procession taking place[66]]. If, however one does not see the deceased/funeral, but simply knows the time and place of its occurrence, he is not obligated to stop learning or work in order to attend the funeral. |
| May a Chasan and Kallah during the days of Sheva Brachos participate in a funeral/burial? Funeral: A Chasan/Kallah may attend a funeral during Sheva Brachos. Burial: Some Poskim rule a Chasan/Kallah may attend the burial of a relative during Sheva Brachos. However, other Poskim rule that they should avoid attending the burial during Sheva Brachos. See Chapter 13 Halacha 10C for the full details of this matter! |
- What takes precedence, attending a funeral or wedding or Milah?[67]
A wedding takes precedence over a funeral, and hence if both cannot take place at the same time, such as in a small town, one first performs the wedding and then the funeral.[68] However, participating in Nichum Aveilim takes precedence over Simchas Chasan Vikallah, if he is able to do both. If, however, he can only do one or the other, then Simchas Chasan Vikallah takes precedence.
Milah: The Mitzvah of Milah takes precedence over a funeral.
Meis Mitzvah: The burial of a Meis Mitzvah takes precedence over any other Mitzvah.
Attending the funeral:[69] Women are permitted and obligated to attend funerals just like men.[70] Some communities are accustomed for women to attend and walk ahead of the casket. Others are accustomed for the women to attend and walk behind the casket. Now, the custom is for women to follow from behind the casket, and one is not to swerve from this custom.[71] [However, in some communities it is accustomed for women not to attend funerals at all.[72] This is the custom in Jerusalem[73], and Tzefat.[74] This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[75] The Chabad custom is to allow women to attend a funeral, and one is not to be stringent in this matter.[76] The women, however, are to remain stationary and are not to follow the casket as it begins to move.[77] The women are to remain separated from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[78]]
Attending the burial:[79] Women are not to attend the burial that proceeds after the Levaya[80], and if they desire to do so they are to be persuaded not to attend.[81] [This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[82] However, some learn that even according to the Zohar, women may attend the burial so long as they stay behind the men, and the danger is only when the men turn around.[83] Practically, the Chabad custom is to allow women to attend the burial, and they may enter into the cemetery where the burial will take place.[84] The women are to remain separate from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[85]]
Not to look at women during or after the Levaya: See Halacha 4!
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Q&A May a pregnant woman attend a Levaya?[86] From the letter of the law, it is permitted for a pregnant woman to enter a cemetery and attend a Levaya.[87] However, many women are accustomed not to visit a cemetery or attend a Levaya when they are pregnant.[88] Those who have received such a custom are to abide by it.[89] Many women are lenient in all cases, as is the letter of the law.[90] This especially applies if they will be a distance of four Amos from the deceased, and will not be under the same roof. The wife of a Kohen: See Chapter 31 Halacha 7C! May a woman who is a Nidda attend a Levaya? She may attend the funeral although is to avoid entering the cemetery or attending the burial, as explained in Chapter 31 Halacha 5D. |
- May the descendants of the deceased attend the Levayah/burial?[91]
From the letter of the law it is permitted, and a Mitzvah, for the children to attend the funeral and escort the body of their parent[92], and so is the custom of several communities.[93] Nevertheless, many communities are accustomed for the descendants of the deceased not to attend the Levaya[94], and they rather proceed straight to the cemetery for the burial.[95] This is also the Chabad custom.[96] [In Eretz Yisrael, and especially Jerusalem, the custom is for the descendants not to attend neither the funeral or the burial, and they therefore say Kaddish before the body leaves the funeral home, and a Cherem is announced prior to the body leaving the funeral home that no descendants shall escort him.[97] However the descendants may attend the eulogies, and may be present by the Levaya until the casket begins to move. In those communities that the descendants do not attend the funeral but attend the burial [i.e. Chabad], then directly prior to the moving of the casket, the descendants are to exit the funeral and proceed to the cemetery in a different path than the path that will be followed by the funeral proceeding.[98] The descendants are to wait a short distance from the grave, away from the other attendees, and only approach it after the burial is complete, to say Kaddish.[99] While the descendants of the deceased are to respect the community custom in regards to not attending the funeral, there is no need to cause a dispute over this matter if they are adamant to attend.[100]]
Which descendants avoid attendance:[101] The above adherence of not to attend the Levaya applies to both male and female descendants and applies to both children and grandchildren. [It, however, does not apply to son in laws and daughter in laws, and they may attend the funeral and burial.[102] However, some are stringent even with the son/daughter in laws.[103]]
Towards which ancestors does the above apply [male versus female]: According to Chabad custom, the above adherence to not attend the Levaya applies whether the deceased is a male [father/grandfather] or a female [mother/grandmother].[104] However, others are accustomed to allow the descendants to attend the funeral of a mother or grandmother, and the above adherence only applies towards male parents/grandparents.[105]
At the Levaya/burial, may the descendants carry or touch the coffin?[106] [From the letter of the law] the children and relatives are to carry the deceased on their shoulders up until the grave. [However, as explained above, the custom of many is for the children not to carry the parent, and they don’t deal with him at all.[107] Nevertheless, those who continue to do so have upon whom to rely.[108]]
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Summary: The Chabad custom, as well as the custom of other communities, is for the descendants [sons, daughters and grandchildren] not to attend the funeral, and they thus leave the memorial home prior to the start of the funeral and wait for the burial by the cemetery, traveling to the cemetery in a different route than the procession. The descendants are to wait a short distance from the grave, away from the other attendees, and only approach it after the burial is complete, to say Kaddish. Some do not even attend the burial, while others attend even the funeral. Practically, each community is to follow their custom. Q&A May the son in laws and daughter in-laws of the deceased attend the funeral as usual?[109] Yes. The son in laws and daughter in-laws of the deceased may attend the funeral as usual. |
Some Poskim[110] rule one is not to mourn after the passing of the first son, or the oldest son that dies to a parent. Now, although this is a mistaken custom, and a parent is obligated to mourn them[111], nevertheless, due to this, the custom in the Ashkenazi cities became that the father and mother do not attend the funeral of their first son.[112]
- Escorting a casket under transfer:[113]
When a casket of a Jew is being moved from one area to another, then if his skeletal form[114] is still intact, it is an obligation to escort him just as is done by a regular funeral. [This however seemingly only applies by an official funeral procession taking place for the deceased, and not when moving the deceased outside of the funeral procession.[115] When a deceased is being taken to Eretz Yisrael for burial, many are accustomed to make two funerals, one in the Diaspora prior to leaving and the second in Eretz Yisrael, prior to burial. If the plane will be leaving on Motzei Shabbos without enough time for a funeral to take place, the custom is to make a funeral on Erev Shabbos. The deceased is taken outside the building and eulogies, as well as Tehillim, is recited. There is no need to move with the deceased down the block and then return him to the building.[116]]
______________________________________________________________________[1] Michaber chapter 361; See Darkei Chesed 16; Nitei Gavriel 64-65
[2] Rambam Avel 14:1
[3] See Q&A!
[4] Michaber 361:1-3
[5] Michaber 343:1 regarding Niduiy if he does not have all his needs; 361:3 regarding Loeg Larash and Niduiy; Brachos 18a
[6] Michaber 361:5; Moed Katan 25a; Tur 361; Darkei Chesed 16:8
[7] Michaber 361:3; Tur 361 in name of Rosh and Rabbeinu Yona; Rashal Kesubos 2:5; Nitei Gavriel 64:2 footnote 2
[8] Chareidim 6; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 1; Shevet Yehuda 361; Yad Eliyahu 53; Yifei Laleiv 361; Minchas Elazar 4:2; Ahavas Chesed 3:5; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 65:4 footnote 6
[9] Ahavas Chesed 3:5
[10] China Vechisda Kesubos 17a; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 65:4 footnote 6
[11] Yad Eliyahu 24, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 361:2; See Shach 361:4; Ahavas Chesed 3:5
[12] See Leket Yosher 2:88; Rashal Kesubos 2:5; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 190; Gesher Hachaim p. 131; Nitei Gavriel 65:24 footnote 31
[13] See Admur 526:22 “It is proper to have a Minyan by the burial”; Yad Eliyahu 24, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 361:2; Michaber 361:1; Shach 361:4; Ahavas Chesed 3:5; Darkei Chesed 16:5 that so is Minhag Yisrael
[14] Taz 355:1; Implication of Perisha 355; Aruch Hashulchan 355:1 that so is main opinion
[15] Shach 355:2 in interpretation of Rama 355:1 [in contrast to interpretation of Taz ibid]; See Aruch Hashulchan ibid
[16] Taz ibid; Aruch Hashulchan ibid
[17] Aruch Hashulchan 344:8; Gesher Hachaim p. 119; Nitei Gavriel 67:6; 135:15
[18] See Michaber 353:4 “Two men and a woman”; Beis Meir 353; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 8; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 65:26 footnote 33
[19] Erech Shaiy Y.D.; Even Yaakov 11; Nitei Gavriel ibid
[20] Beis Yosef 367 in name of Kol Bo, brought in Beir Hagoleh 367 and Beis Hillel 367; Gittin 61a; Shevet Yehuda 361; Aruch Hashulchan 367:1; Mahariy Assad Y.D. 369; Nitei Gavriel 67:11
[21] Chaim Bayad 125:49; Nitei Gavriel 67:11
[22] Meoros Nasan 109; Nitei Gavriel 67:11
[23] Shach 335:2 in name of Bach; Nitei Gavriel 67:8-9
[24] Nitei Gavriel ibid
[25] Nitei Gavriel 67:10
[26] Nitei Gavriel 65:34 based on Michaber 343:1
[27] Nitei Gavriel 67:4 in name of Yad Eliyahu 54 and Minchas Elazar 4:2
[28] Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 21 “If for whatever reason one could not escort the deceased, he should at least pray on his mercy, invoking Divine mercy and say 2-3 chapters of Tehillim.”; Nitei Gavriel 67:1
[29] Yifei Laleiv 7:361; Nitei Gavriel 67:5
[30] Michaber 361:1; Kesubos 17a-b
[31] Shach 361:1 in name of Poskim; Bach 361, brought in Shach 361:5
[32] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[33] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[34] This means that the person knows the Tanach and Mishneh. [Implication of Michaber ibid] or means that he knows either Tanach or Mishneh. [Shach 361:2 in implication of Rama, Beis Yosef and Ritva]
[35] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[36] The reason: As just as the Torah was given with 600,000 people present, so too it is to be returned with 600,000 people present. [Shach 361:3]
[37] Ten people are needed for the recital of Kaddish and Birchas Aveilim. [Shach 361:4]
[38] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[39] Michaber ibid
[40] Michaber ibid, as explained in Taz 361:1 and Shach 361:5 that it is going on an unlearned person
[41] Opinion in Rama ibid; Semag; Beis Yosef in name of Ritva; See Aruch Hashulchan 361:3 that this depends on each generation; See Ahavas Chesed 3:5
[42] Rama ibid
[43] Taz 361:1
[44] Tur in name of Rosh; 1st opinion in Michaber ibid; Regarding the wife of a Torah scholar see: Shulchan Gavoa 361:8; Rashal Kesubos 2:5; Mateh Moshe; Drashos Maharil; Nitei Gavriel 66:4 footnote 5
[45] Ramban in Toras Hadam; 2nd opinion in Michaber ibid
[46] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[47] See Halacha C in Q&A that the obligation only applies if one sees the funeral procession, and not simply if one hears of it.
[48] Michaber ibid
[49] Aruch Hashulchan 361:3
[50] Michaber ibid; See Tzitz Eliezer 7:49-3 who suggests that until age 20 one has a status of Tinokes Shel Beis Raban
The reason: As we do not nullify children from learning even in order to build a Shul. [Shach 361:6]
[51] Salmas Chaim Y.D. 418; Gesher Hachaim p. 129; Nitei Gavriel 66:7
[52] Michaber 361:2; Shach 361:5 [See Aguda and Bach mentioned there]
[53] Michaber 361:1
The reason: As one can assume that there are others [who are not in the midst of Torah learning] who are dealing with the needs of the deceased. [Tur, brought in Shach 361:5
[54] Michaber ibid that only regarding Melacha one must nullify if there are no Chaburos in the city
[55] Michaber 361:4; Tur 361 in name of Maharitz Geios and Yerushalmi; Kitzur SHU”A 198:8; Nitei Gavriel 67:3
Within four Amos of the deceased: Some Poskim write that the above obligation to stand only applies within four Amos of the deceased. [Shevet Yehuda 361; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 4] Others, however, write it applies even outside of four Amos, so long as one can see the carrying of the deceased. [Yosef Ometz p. 326; Setimas Haposkim]
[56] The reason: As one is obligated to stand in honor of a person fulfilling a Mitzvah, and when a funeral is taking place all the participants are fulfilling the Mitzvah of Gemilus Chassadim. [Taz ibid; Tur ibid; Yerushalmi ibid]
[57] Implication of Taz 361:2 based on story in Moed Katan; Pischeiy Teshuvah 361:3 based on Taz ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is not required to stand in the presence of a deceased scholar. [Yad Eliyahu 54, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]
[58] Taz ibid based on Tur ibid; Yerushalmi ibid
[59] Ben Ish Chaiy Ki Seitzei 2:19
[60] Michaber 343:1 and 361:2; Darkei Chesed 16:4
[61] The reason: As such a distinction was only made regarding one who is learning Torah. [Michaber 361:2]
[62] Michaber 343:1 and 361:2; Aruch Hashulchan 343:3; Minchas Elazar 3:26; Nitei Gavriel 67:2
[63] See Besi Lechem Yehuda 343
[64] Nitei Gavriel 67:2
[65] Emek Sheila Sheilasa 14:3 based on Elya Raba; Chelkas Mechokek E.H. 65:2 regarding Kallah; Minchas Elazar 1:26; Sheilas David; Daas Kedoshim 343:4; Even Yaakov 21; Tzitz Eliezer 7:49; Salmas Chaim 420; Nitei Gavriel 65:1; 66:5 footnote 6; Michaber 361:3 states “One who sees the Meis”
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is obligated to attend the funeral even if he simply knows of the funeral and does not see it. [Beis Shmuel E.H. 65:3; Emek Habracha p. 134; Shaareiy Deiah 361; See Miseches Semachos 11]
[66] It is not clear from Poskim if one must see the actual body or seeing the procession suffices to obligate participation. Nitei Gavriel 65 footnote 4 leaves this matter with a Tzaruch Iyun.
[67] Michaber 360:1
[68] The reason: As a Mitzvah for the living precedes a Mitzvah for the dead. [Shach 360:1]
[69] Michaber 359:1
[70] See Michaber 359:1; Admur Shemiras Haguf 10; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10; Nitei Gavriel 65:1
[71] Michaber 359:1
[72] Beis Hillel 359 in his understanding of Michaber 359:2; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10 that so is custom of some communities; Teshuvah Meahava 3:359; Nehar Mitzrayim 44; Eretz Chaim 359; See glosses of Beis Lechem Yehuda; Shevet Halevi 2:212; Nitei Gavriel 68:2
[73] So is the widespread custom today, Vetzaruch Iyun, as it is clear from Eretz Chaim ibid as well as Gesher Hachaim that women would attend the funeral.
[74] Eretz Chaim ibid in name of Vayikra Avraham p. 126 that “In Tzefas the custom is that the women do not attend the funeral at all, not in front of the body or behind it, and even the women who are standing outside enter their homes while the body is being carried.”
[75] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!
[76] Igros Kodesh 31 printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:265 in reply to Rav Ushpal’s suggestion of banning women from attending funerals that “This is not the custom in Chabad and that he should not enter such Chumros into Chabad”
[77] Rav Leibel Groner in reply to the author
[78] Rav Leibel Groner ibid; See Mavor Yabok ibid “The widespread custom in all of Eretz Yisrael that at first the men go, and they appoint guards to prevent any of the women from passing until all the men leave. After the burial, the women remain there for approximately 15 minutes until all the men have left.”
[79] Michaber 359:2; Shach 359:2; See Beis Hillel 359; Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 68:5
[80] So understands Shach ibid in Michaber ibid, in order to avoid a contradiction between Michaber 359:1 and 2. However, Beis Hillel 359 understands that Halacha 1 refers to the Talmudic law, while Halacha 2 refers to the Zoharic ruling, which is that the women are not to attend the funeral at all, even prior to the burial
[81] The reason: As doing so causes danger to the world. [Shach ibid]
[82] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!
[83] Beis Lechem Yehuda 359 in name of Beis Yaakov
[84] Rav Leibel Groner and Rav Eliyahu Landau in reply to the author
[85] Rabbanim and Poskim ibid
[86] See Minchas Yitzchak 10:42; Nitei Gavriel Volume 1 67:7 and Volume 2 84:4
[87] Pashut as there is no source for forbidding it, and so is proved from the fact the Poskim [below] bring that even the wife of a Kohen that is pregnant may enter a cemetery, and as writes the Kneses Hagedola [brought in Birkeiy Yosef 343/4] that even by the pregnant wife of a Kohen those who are stringent are doing Minhag Borus [custom of ignorance], hence certainly the wife of a Yisrael is allowed.
[88] This custom has no known source. A number of possible reasons are suggested: 1) Perhaps this is due to the fact that it is proper for the pregnant wife of a Kohen to avoid a cemetery, and hence we see that the fetus can receive impurity. Now since we await the rebuilding of the Temple every day the women avoid going to a cemetery, as if the Temple is rebuilt while they are still pregnant they will be able to give over their pure sons to perform the necessary actions required for the Para Aduma. [Minchas Yitzchak ibid; See Parah Mishneh 3/2] 2) Alternatively, it is because they desire to avoid any impurity during the pregnancy. [Nitei Gavriel ibid; See Sheivet Hamussar 24]
[89] Poskim ibid based on Rashba that we do not differ a tradition received from righteous women even if we have 600,000 proofs against it. [brought in Heishiv Moshe 13]
[90] Heard from Rav Asher Lemel HaCohen
[91] See Pnei Baruch 4:14; Nitei Gavriel chapter 69 for a full analysis on this subject
[92] See Michaber 340:16; Rama 358:3; Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 28 that from the fact that the sons of the forefathers buried them we see it is a great merit for the sons to be involved in the burial of their father; Maharil Hilchos Semachos that he and his son carried the body of his wife; Mishpitei Uziel Tinayna 3:126 that there is no source for the custom to abstain; Igros Kodesh 20:79; Shulchan Menachem 5:152
[93] See Igros Moshe 5:24; Keser Shem Tov Gagin 2:662 that the sons should escort the father and only certain communities abstained; Nitei Gavriel 69:1 and 3 footnote 7
[94] Shlah Pesachim 103 in name of Rikanti in Taamei Hamitzvos; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 17; Yesod Yosef 13a; Gesher Hachaim 1:12 [custom of Jerusalem]; Custom mentioned in Igros Moshe 5:24; This was accustomed in many communities, to the point that a Cherem would be announced prior to the funeral against any descendants attending the procession. So was the custom by the Shulchan Gavoa; Or Hachaim Hakadaosh; Chida; Rashash; See Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 2-5 for many Gedolei Yisrael who followed this custom
The reason: In order not to invite to the funeral the souls that derived from the father’s spillage of seed in vain. [Zohar Bereishis 54; Shaar Hakavanos 56b]
May they go in front of the casket? In Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 it states they are not to follow the casket, however in the Nussach of the Cherem [of Sdei Chemed] it explicitly states they are not to go in front, in back or by the sides, of the casket, and hence they are not to attend at all, and are rather to go straight to the cemetery before the funeral procession begins. [Igros Kodesh 20:79; Shulchan Menachem 5:152]
[95] This is the widespread custom, as brought in Igros Kodesh 20:79; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 69:2 footnote 6; However, see there that some are accustomed that the descendants do not even go to the cemetery; See Pnei Baruch 4:14
[96] Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 [English]; See Igros Kodesh 20:79; Shulchan Menachem 5:152
[97] Pnei Baruch 4:14; See Nitei Gavriel 69:2
[98] Rav Leibel Groner in reply to the author; Rav Eli Landau, in name of his father; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 69:2 footnote 6 and 69:6 in name of Gesher Hachaim
[99] Rav Eli Landau, in name of his father Rav Yaakov Landau
[100] Mishpitei Uziel Tinyana 120; Nitei Gavriel 69:4
[101] Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 [English]; See Igros Kodesh 20:79; Shulchan Menachem 5:152
[102] Pnei Baruch 4:14; Nitei Gavriel 69:5
[103] See Nitei Gavriel ibid
[104] Sefer Haminhagim p. 177 [English]; See Shulchan Menachem 5:264 that the Rebbe told a descendent not to follow the funeral of his grandmother, and that so was told to Rav Groner. However, see Hiskashrus 309:19 that the Rebbe followed the casket of his mother in 1975. See Nitei Gavriel 69:7 footnote 13 in name of a number of Gedolim
Regarding if women are command against Zera Levatala: See Mishneh and Gemara Nida 13a; Rashi and Rabbeinu Chananel brought in Tosfos Rosh on Nidda 13a; Ramban Nidda ibid; Shut Tzafnas Paneiach [Rogatchaver] 164; Shaar Hakavanos Inyan Drush Layla; Yifei Laleiv 239; Kaf Hachaim 239:3
[105] Nitei Gavriel 69:7 in name of Nachamu Ami and that so is custom in Jerusalem
[106] Rama 358:3; Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 28; See Nitei Gavriel 64:6
[107] Darkei Chesed 11:7 [p. 58]; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 11 in name of many Poskim and that so is custom
[108] Darkei Chesed ibid
[109] Gesher Hachaim p. 112; Nitei Gavriel ibid
[110] Opinion in Rama 374:11; Minhag brought in Kol Bo 114; Rivash 95
[111] Rama ibid; Beis Yosef 374; Rivash ibid; Kol Bo ibid regarding non-Bechoros
[112] Rama ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 374:19; See Nitei Gavriel 69:8
[113] Michaber 361:5; Moed Katan 25a
[114] Literally “Shildo”. A Sheled is a skeleton. See Rashi Nidda 27b who translates it as “Gufo Kayam and he appears whole”
[115] Nitei Gavriel 65:34 based on Michaber 343:1
[116] Nitei Gavriel 65:35
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