From the Rav’s Desk: Should women recite Havdalah

Women saying Havdalah – Obligation, Allowance, and Order

Question:

I am a mother of young children, and my husband—who travels a lot for business—is not always home for Shabbos. In such situations, I would like to understand what the proper hanhaga is:

1. Personally saying Havdalah: Am I allowed to make Havdalah myself when my husband is away, or is it preferable—or required—for me to hear Havdalah from a man, if that is an option?
2. The order: If I do make Havdalah, should I recite all the brachos—Hagafen, Besamim, Me’orei Ha’eish, and Hamavdil—or are any omitted?
3. Hadlakas HaNer: Regarding the bracha of Borei Me’orei Ha’eish, is it necessary to place my hands by the flame during the bracha, as is customary, or is lighting the ner alone sufficient?

Answer:

According to the final Halachic conclusion, women are halachically obligated in the mitzvah of Havdalah. Thus, a woman may recite Havdalah for herself and does not need to hear it from a man to fulfill her obligation. However, some women follow a stringent approach to always be Yotzei Havdalah from a man. Practically all women who do not have an explicit custom otherwise, may be instructed to recite Havdalah on behalf of themselves and to then drink the wine. [However, they may not recite Havdalah on behalf of other men, due to the above debate as to their obligation status.]

Regarding the structure of Havdalah, the order and content of the brachos remain the same. She should recite all four blessings:

1. Borei Pri HaGafen (over the wine),
2. Borei Minei Besamim (over the spices),
3. Borei Me’orei Ha’eish (over the flame), without looking at their nails upon saying the blessing of Meoreiy Haeish. Nonetheless, they are required to be close enough to the candle to be able to see it and benefit from it at the time that the blessing is said
4. HaMavdil Bein Kodesh Lechol (the concluding Havdalah blessing).
5. Drinking the wine: After the conclusion of the blessings, she must drink the wine as usual.

Explanation

There is a dispute among the Poskim regarding whether women are obligated in Havdalah. Some hold it is a Biblical obligation and women are equally obligated as men. Others maintain it is Rabbinic, and some Poskim even exempt women from the Mitzvah entirely. Because of this debate, there are differing opinions as to whether women may recite Havdalah themselves or should only fulfill their obligation by hearing it from a man. Indeed, some authorities require that Havdalah be recited by men on behalf of women. However, according to the final halachic ruling of the Alter Rebbe Mishneh Berurah, and other leading authorities—and this was also the custom among many Sephardic communities—a woman may indeed recite Havdalah for herself and fulfill her obligation in this manner, just as a man does. However, she may not recite Havdalah for a man. Furthermore, some women follow the stringent approach to always be Yotzei Havdalah from a man.

The Order of Blessings: When a woman recites Havdalah, she should include all the standard blessings. There is no distinction in the order or content of the brachos between men and women.

Borei Me’orei Ha’eish: Regarding the blessing over the flame, some Poskim exempt women, but the majority rule that women are equally obligated and should recite the blessing when performing Havdalah themselves. Nonetheless, the custom is that women do not look at their nails during the blessing of Me’orei Ha’eish, though they must be close enough to the flame to benefit from its light, as required by halacha. Some suggest the reason for this is because before the sin of the tree of knowledge Adam was clothed in nails, and the sin which was caused by Chava caused him to lose these nails and have them remain only on the fingers, therefore they do not look at them.

Drinking the wine: It is accustomed for women not to drink from the leftover Havdalah wine of someone else who made Havdalah. The reason for this is because the tree of knowledge was a grape vine, and it is due to Chava eating from it that all women were punished to receive Nida blood. It is therefore improper for women to drink from this wine. However, this only applies when hearing Havdalah from someone else, however, if a woman makes Havdalah herself, she must drink the wine.

Why some people think that women may not make Havdalah themselves and the myth of beard growth:

It is important to clarify the source of the common notion that women should not recite Havdalah themselves. In many cases, this belief does not stem from a deep familiarity with the halachic debate among the Poskim which we just explained, and their desire to follow the stringency of the Rama, but rather from a popular folk tale or rumor. One such myth claims that if a woman drinks from the Havdalah wine, she will grow a beard. The likely origin of this saying is the traditional association of Havdalah with the role of the man in the home who naturally has a beard, leading to the idea that a woman performing Havdalah or drinking the wine would somehow take on a “masculine” role of beard growth. However, this notion has no basis in halacha. The true reason for the custom that women do not drink from the Havdalah wine when they are not the ones reciting Havdalah is unrelated to this myth. Instead, it is based on other halachic and kabbalistic considerations, as discussed by the Poskim, and as we recorded above. When a woman does recite Havdalah herself, she is required to drink the wine, and there is no prohibition or concern of “growing a beard.” In summary, the idea that a woman should not recite Havdalah or drink the wine due to concerns about “becoming the man of the house” or growing a beard is unfounded. The halachic discussion is rooted in established sources and not in folklore.

Sources:

Admur 296:19; Shulchan Aruch Michaber Orach Chaim 296:1 and 8; Kaf Hachaim 296:54–55; Ben Ish Chai Vayeitzei 22; Mishnah Berurah Biur Halacha 296:8 “Lo Yavdilu Leatzman”; Mateh Efraim 600:4; Aruch Hashulchan 297:7; Ketzos Hashulchan 96 footnote 12; Igros Moshe C.M. 2:47; Sheivet Haleivi 6:42; 7:77; Tzitz Eliezer 14:43; Piskei Teshuvos 296:20;

See regarding debate if women are Chayav in Havdalah:

Admur 296:19; Shulchan Aruch Michaber Orach Chaim 296:1 and 8; Kaf Hachaim 296:54–55

Chayav Min Hatorah: 1^st opinion in Admur ibid; Stam opinion in Admur 271:1; Stam opinion in Michaber 296:1; Rambam Shabbos 29:1 and Sefer Hamitzvos Mitzvah 155; Chinuch Mitzvah 51b;

Chayav Medirabanon: 2^nd opinion in Admur ibid; Yeish Omrim in Admur 271:1; 2^nd opinion in Michaber 296:8; Tosafus Rabbeinu Yehuda Brachos 20b; Shibulei Haleket 130; Orchos Chaim Havdalah 18; Rabbeinu Tam; Maggid Mishneh in name of Yeish Omrim; Opinion in Meiri Brachos 20b;

Not Chayav: 3^rd opinion in Admur ibid; 1^st opinion in Michaber 296:8; Maggid Mishneh on Rambam ibid; 2^nd opinion in Meiri ibid; Ritva Pesachim 54a;

The final ruling that women are obligated in Havdalah: Admur ibid; However, see Admur 271:1 that he brings the first opinion that Havdalah is Biblical as the Stam opinion, while the second opinion which holds it is Rabbinical he brings as “Yeish Omrim”;

See regarding women personally saying Havdalah for themselves:

Mutar: Admur ibid; Kuntrus Achron 296:3; Bach brought in M”A 296:11; Peri Chadash; Ashel Avraham Butchach; Siddur Yaavetz; Kitzur SH”A 96:3; Aruch Hashulchan 296:5; M”B 296:35

Custom of Sephardim: The Yabi Omer 4:23 rules that according to Michaber women may say Havdalah themselves.

Other Opinions – Some Ashkenazim: Some Poskim rule that women may not say Havdalah themselves, and are rather to hear someone else say it. [Rama 296:8; Taz 296:7; Kaf Hachaim 296:58; Divrei Yatziv 1:135]

See regarding women saying Meorei Haeish:

Obligated and may say: Implication of Admur ibid and all Poskim who conclude that women may say Havdalah themselves and do not mention anywhere that however they are exempt from the blessing over the fire; See all Poskim in next footnote;  See Kaf Hachaim 296:55 who seemingly learns that women are obligated in the blessing over fire according to all opinions, even according to the opinions who exempt them from Havdalah; Ketzos Hashulchan 96 footnote 12; Daas Torah 296; Ben Ish Chaiy Vayeitzei 22; Kaf Hachaim 296:55 [Seemingly he learns that women are obligated in the blessing over fire according to all opinions, even according to the opinions who exempt them from Havdalah]; Igros Moshe C.M. 2:47; Kinyan Torah 1:88; Vayan Yosef 1:124; Beir Moshe 4:28; Kaneh Bosem 3:17; Sheivet Haleivi 6:42; 7:77; Tzitz Eliezer 14:43; Az Nidbaru 10:27; 11:48; Or Letziyon 2:22-3; Yechaveh Daas 4:27; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:266; Moadim Uzmanim 7:255; Piskeiy Teshuvos 296:20; See Nesivos Adam 1:11

Exempt: Biur Halacha 296:8 “Lo Yavdilu Leatzman” that so is implication of all Poskim who rule that women are exempt from Havdalah [2nd opinion in Admur ibid; Orchos Chaim; Taz] and so is implication of M”A 296:11 who omits the blessing of Meoreiy Haeish, and furthermore that even according to the opinion that rules women are obligated in Havdalah, it is possible that they agree but nevertheless women are not obligated in the blessing over fire as it is a time dependent blessing which is not essentially relevant to the obligation of Havdalah. The Biur Halacha ibid concludes “it seems more correct to say that according to all opinions women are not obligated in the blessing over fire” [However, see Kaf Hachaim 296:55 From whom it is evident that he learns on the contrary that everyone agrees women are obligated in the blessing over fire.] The ruling according to the Mishneh Berurah: Even according to those Poskim [M”B in Biur Halacha 296 “Lo Yavdilu Leatzman”] who side that women are exempt from the blessing of fire, they are nevertheless permitted to say the blessing as is the law by all Mitzvos that they are exempt from. [Ketzos Hashulchan 96 footnote 12; Implication of Elya Raba 298:3 who rules that this blessing is Birchas Hanehnin; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 200] However, see Luach Eretz Yisrael of Harav Tukichisky who writes that they are not to say this blessing themselves and rather to hear it from someone else.

See regarding women placing their hands by the fire and look at their nails by the blessing of Meoreiy Haeish:

Ketzos Hashulchan 96 footnote 12; Piskeiy Teshuvos 296:20; Admur 298:21

See regarding women drinking the wine:

M”A 296:4 in name of Shlah

See regarding the negation of the beard growth myth:

Maaseh Ish of Chazon Ish “The custom is that whoever has a beard makes Havdalah, to exclude women, since there is a doubt whether women are obligated in Havdalah. From this, people came to say that whoever drinks the Havdalah wine will grow a beard, and therefore women should not drink the Havdalah wine.”