Daily Halacha Monday 4th Kisleiv: Seder Levaya: Funeral and burial checklist

Funeral and Burial Checklist

1. Items to Bring to the Funeral – Mourners:

• Attire: It is customary for male and female mourners who are one of the seven relatives of the deceased to tear their outer garments at the funeral. The undershirt is not torn; therefore, it is advisable to wear an undershirt beneath inexpensive outer clothing suitable for tearing. If one typically wears a jacket during the week, it is recommended to wear a jacket that can be torn without concern.
• Shoes: Non-leather shoes should be brought to change into after the burial. Regular footwear is worn by the mourners until the conclusion of the burial.
• Charity: A charity box (Tzedakah) should be available for attendees wishing to donate in memory of the deceased.

2. The Memorial Service (Prior to the Procession):

A memorial service is generally conducted before burial, either at the funeral home chapel or gravesite, allowing family and community members to recite Psalms and share reflections on the deceased’s qualities. The order of the memorial service includes:

• Location: Family and community gather at the funeral home, synagogue, or cemetery.
• Casket: The casket [in the diaspora] remains present but closed throughout the service.
• No Food or Music: In accordance with Jewish custom, food, flowers, and music are omitted from the funeral as the occasion is solemn rather than festive.
• Psalms: The rabbi initiates the service by reciting Psalm 16 and Psalm 90.
• Keriah & “Baruch Dayan HaEmes”: The reading of Psalms is followed by the ceremonial tearing of mourners’ garments (Keriah) and recitation of the blessing “Baruch Dayan HaEmes.” Please refer to Chapter 6 for further details.
• Forgiveness: It is customary for family members to request and offer forgiveness to the deceased following Keriah.
• Eulogies: Eulogies may be delivered at this stage. See Chapter 7 for guidance on presenting eulogies.
• Keil Malei Rachamim: Following the eulogies, some conclude with the traditional memorial prayer, “Keil Malei Rachamim.”
• Descendants of the Deceased: Sons, daughters, grandsons, and granddaughters may attend the eulogies. Before the casket is moved, direct descendants exit the service and travel to the cemetery by a different route than the processional path.
• Direct descendants customarily do not carry or touch the casket.

3. The Levaya / Funeral Procession:

• At the conclusion of the memorial service, pallbearers convey the casket, officially initiating the funeral procession toward the grave.
• Psalm 91: During the procession, Psalm 91 is recited seven times. Starting a short distance from the grave (approximately thirty feet), it is customary to pause every four cubits and repeat the Psalm, especially marking certain words in the final verse. This cycle continues for seven repetitions, adding a word to the phrase beginning with “Ki Malachav” each time. On days when Tachanun is not recited, the stops are omitted, though the Psalm is still recited seven times. Some do not observe these pauses when burying a woman.
• Women: Women remain separate from men during the funeral proceedings.
• Avoiding Direct Gaze: Attendees are expected to avoid looking directly at the faces of women during the funeral and burial, including upon returning from the cemetery. Men should avoid facing women directly and use alternate routes when leaving.

4. The Burial:

• Forgiveness: Before lowering the casket, those present should part from the deceased and, if not already done, seek and grant forgiveness for any past grievances.
• Placing the Casket: The casket [or wrapped body in Eretz Yisrael] is laid in the grave by the Chevra Kadisha. While this is being done, psalm 91 is to be recited.
• Filling the Grave: Attending men participate in covering the casket with earth, starting with the upper portion. The shovel should not be handed directly from one individual to another but placed on the ground between users. Earth is added until a small mound forms atop the grave.
• As earth is added, the verse Vehu Rachum Yichaber Avon Vlo Yashchis Vihirba Lihashiv Apo Velo Yair Kol Chamaso is recited three times.
• Once filled, a marker is placed bearing the name and date of passing.
• Tziduk Hadin and Kaddish: “Tziduk Hadin” and the Mourner’s Kaddish are recited at the graveside. The Kaddish is recited in unison at the foot of the grave, facing east. When Tachanun or Tziduk Hadin is omitted, only the regular Mourner’s Kaddish is recited. The Chabad tradition also includes Psalm 49 at this point, even when Tachanun is not said.

5. Post-Burial Traditions:

• Charity: Charitable donations are made in memory of the deceased.
• Footwear: After the burial, both male and female relatives replace leather shoes with non-leather footwear (e.g., slippers or sneakers). This practice is suspended during Chol Hamoed.
• Rows for Comforting: After the Mourner’s Kaddish, Jewish men form two rows (at least five per row), and male mourners walk between them while being consoled with “Hamakom Yinachem Eschem Besoch Shaar Avalei Tziyon Viyerushalayim.” The men then form a single row for women mourners to pass for consolation, avoiding eye contact. Some authorities advise against women passing before the men.
• Departing the Cemetery: Upon leaving, individuals uproot grass and earth, tossing it behind them three times while reciting “Zechor Ki Afar Anachnu.” This is not performed during Chol Hamoed. Exiting via a different route than used for entry is preferred.
• Hand Washing: Hands are washed three times alternately outside the cemetery, and one should not enter a home before doing so. Some also recite “Kaper Liamcha Yisrael” after washing.
• Handling Washing Vessel: The vessel should be put down rather than passed from hand to hand, and is customarily placed upside down.
• Drying Hands: Hands are left to dry naturally, not with a towel.
• Washing Face: Some have the custom to wash the face post-burial, reciting “Bala Hamaves Lanetzach, Umacha Hashem Elokim Dima Meial Kol Panim Vicherpas Amo Yasir Meial Kol Haaretz Ki Hashem Diber”.
• Reciting Yosheiv Biseiser: After the washing, one sits down and recites Vihi Noam and Yosheiv Biseiser seven times. One is to switch places between each time he recites it. [One is to add one word to the last sentence each time he recites it. Thus, the first time he recites it he ends with the word “Ki”. The second time he ends with the word “Ki Malachav”. The third time he ends with the word “Ki Malachav Yitzaveh”. The fourth time he ends with the words “Ki Malachav Yitzaveh Lach”. The fifth time he ends with the words “Lishmorcha”. The sixth time “Lishmorcha Bechol”. The seventh and final time he concludes with “Lishmorcha Bechol Derachecha”.