The prohibition against envy, jealousy, and coveting the item of another:[1]

1. Introduction:

The Torah prohibits jealousy and coveting the items of another, as listed as the tenth command of the 10 Commandments. This command is repeated twice in the Torah, once in Parshas Yisro, and the second in Parshas Vaeschanon. The Torah specifies the items which it is forbidden for one to be jealous of, and includes a friend’s house, wife, animal, slave, or any other item of his friend.

Its rampant nature: Jealousy, is arguably one of the most difficult and common emotions that people experience within a society of family and friends and coworkers. Siblings often become jealous of the success, accomplishments, or blessings of other siblings. People often become jealous of the success of their acquaintances, especially in the workforce. People are jealous of other people’s looks, of other people’s career, of other people’s fame, and of other people’s spouses and possessions.

Its trigger: The feeling of jealousy often comes instinctively, without resulting from any prior thoughts speech or action of the person experiencing the feeling. It is a natural human emotion and instinct embedded within the human psyche and animal soul. It is often triggered simply by seeing or hearing something about the person of whom the feelings of jealousy are targeted. The intensity and level of jealousy that one instinctively experiences is dependent on various factors, including one’s ego and temperament, being an extrovert versus an introvert, one’s social standing and own personal successes, one’s self-esteem and insecurities, having tendencies of OCD and obsessive nature, and other factors. Interestingly, women experience more jealousy than men.[2]

Its danger and consequences: Jealousy, and obsessing over it, is indeed a very dangerous emotion that can trigger hatred to the person who one is jealous of, and cause ruining of relationships, family estrangement, and in more severe cases, can lead to stealing and murder, and in marriage can lead to infidelity. It is no wonder that the Torah included this emotion as the 10th command, as controlling it is one of the gateways for preventing infidelity, stealing and murder, which is listed as the sixth through eighth command. Furthermore, even if the jealousy does not lead to any of the above due to one’s control of expressing it, or fear of doing so, nonetheless, it certainly causes the person who inhibits the jealousy to suffer and can sometimes even affect his daily life and productivity, almost similar to depression. Thus, getting rid of jealous behavior and learning how to control the emotion and not even entertain it, is a benefit for the person himself.

The difficulty of getting rid of jealousy: The truth must be asked, is it really possible to get rid of jealousy simply by following the command against jealousy? It’s not like one has a button in his heart to press to turn off the jealous nature. It’s instinctive. How can G-d command us against experiencing an instinct that he embedded within our animal soul? Furthermore, it states in Maimonides that only in the future era will jealousy and competition cease to exist, hence implying that it is here to stay and cannot be ridden of until the future era.[3]

The true definition of the jealousy prohibition: So, in this article we will see that the true halachic definition of the prohibition against jealousy has nothing to do with the emotion of jealousy, but rather with its expression. Indeed, the Torah does not command us not to feel feelings of jealousy, and although it is not virtuous and certainly there are many benefits in working on one’s jealousy, and doing so certainly fulfills the ethical and philosophical spirit of the Torah, it nonetheless does not transgress any prohibition. Linguistically, we can differentiate between jealousy and envy [i.e. Kinah], versus coveting [i.e. Sachmod]. The Torah prohibition against jealousy is specifically against coveting the item of another, and is not a general prohibition against being jealous or envious of another person [i.e. Kinah], which although may not be a proper character trait, is not under any prohibition.

Virtuous jealousy: Furthermore, jealousy and envy of another person’s stature can actually be virtuous if it motivates him to become more productive, and hence it states that “Kinas Sofrim Marbeh Chochmah” that the jealousy and envy amongst Torah scholars and authors of Torah books causes wisdom to increase, as competition is good for productivity.[4] Likewise, it states that even in the future era, and in Gan Eden, people will have envy of others portions in the world to come.[5]

1. The mere feeling of envy or jealousy:

Halacha: In general, there are two negative commands associated with jealousy of the items of another; one dealing with the feelings of the heart [Lo Sisaveh] and the second dealing with bringing the coveted item into one’s possession [Lo Sachmod]. The Poskim[6], however, rule that the feeling of envy or jealousy alone does not transgress any of the negative commands, and likewise, jealousy of an item that a friend has which leads one to purchase that item from a different person [not the friend who one is jealous of] likewise does not transgress any prohibition. Hence, the command against jealousy is very specific to an action of taking the coveted item from the person who has it, either in actuality, or in one’s contemplation, as will be explained in D-E. However, not all Rishonim agree with this position, and some hold that the actual feeling of jealousy in the heart and coveting of the item of another person[7], or expressing it in speech[8], transgresses the prohibition, even without any contemplation of how to get the item from the person. Practically, the ruling in Halacha follows the former approach. Nevertheless, even the simple expression of the idea that one would like to have the item of another, is considered sinful.[9]

Midas Chassidus:[10]  Despite the above letter of the law clarification, it is certainly considered an act of piety for one not to covet the item of another person even in his heart, even if he does not contemplate how to purchase the item from him.

The ability to control feelings of jealousy:[11] A person should not believe that controlling feelings of jealousy is impossible[12], as the Torah would not command us in something that is impossible to fulfill. Rather, every individual has the choice to control his thoughts and feelings of his heart against coveting another’s items. Only the fools believe otherwise.

The mental exercise to prevent jealousy – G-d gives man exactly what he needs:[13] A person can contemplate that everything that is in the possession of another person, was given to that person by G-d Himself, and it is only relevant for that person to have. Thus, the same way he would not truly covet to marry the daughter of a King or president and become infatuated with this feeling until he achieves his goal, due to it being unrealistic for the kings or presidents daughter to marry a peasant like him, so too, he should view every aspect that someone else has as an impossibility and unrealistic goal to retrieve for himself. One should contemplate that G-d gives man whatever G-d desires him to have and he will not be able to get things that G-d does not want him to have. [Everything that G-d provides a Jew with is for the sake of him using it in divine service. Accordingly, all money that is in the possession of a Jew has an instruction and obligation of being used for a purpose in the service of G-d by that Jew. In the teachings of Chassidus this matter is taken a step deeper, as it is explained there that all the possessions of a Jew contains Divine sparks that relates specifically to his soul.  Accordingly, it is understood that one who covets the item of another and is successful in getting the coveted item from him, then he prevents that person from performing his divine mission with that item and perhaps that item will never receive elevation and rectification, as a result.[14]]

Jealousy results from lack of love for a fellow Jew:[15] The command of Lo Sachmod corresponds to the command of Veahavta Lereiacha Kamocha. The reason for this is because feelings of jealousy can only result if there is lack of love for a fellow Jew. If one indeed fulfills the command of Veahavta Lereicha Komacha then he will automatically be able to also fulfill the command of not coveting the item of his friend.

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[1] See Admur Hilchos Gezeila Ugeneiva Halacha 5; Michaber C.M. 359:10-12; Tur 359:10; Rambam Gezeila 1:9-12; Bava Metzia 5b; Shemos 20:14; Imrei Yaakov on Admur ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech “Lo Sachmod” vol. 34 pp. 449-484; Sefer Lereiacha Kamocha; Piskeiy Teshuvos 156:5 p. 328

[2] Females are predominately associated with emotion, which may be why they are thought of as being more jealous than males.

[3] Rambam end of Hilchos Melachim 5:5

[4] Bava Basra 21a and 22a

[5] Bava Basra 75a; Hayom Yom 19^th Nissan

[6] All Poskim in C-D, including: Admur ibid; Michaber C.M. 359:10 and 12; Tur ibid; Rambam ibid; Sefer Hamitzvos L.S. 265-266; Yireim Mitzvah 115; Mordechai Bava Kama 66; Ralbag Shemos 20:14 and Devarim 5:18; Mechilta Yisro 8; Zohar 3:261; Smeh 359:17; Aruch Hashulchan 359:8; See Har Melech 7:544; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 450 footnote 8

[7] See Even Ezra Shemos 20:1; Yehuda Yaaleh C.M. 33; Semak Mitzvah 19; Kad Hakemach Erech Chemda; Menoras Hamaor; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 451 footnote 20 and 22

[8] See Chizkuni Devarim; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 451 footnote 21

[9] See Derisha C.M. 371:9; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 458 footnote 69

[10] Aruch Hashulchan 359:8

[11] Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 416

[12] Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 416; Even Ezra Shemos 20:14 “Many people question this mitzvah as how is it possible for a person not to covet a beautiful item that he sees..”

[13] Even Ezra Shemos 20:14; See also Seforno 20:14; Perisha 359:10

[14] See Likkutei Sichos Vol. 12 Sicha 2

[15] Ramban 20:14