9. The effect on the children that is a direct result of the quality and holiness of the intimacy:[1]

*The section below is a collection of teachings from various Sefarim, including Sifrei Chassidus, on the effects sanctified intimacy has on the child conceived. Some of this material might sound a little harsh and too personal for some couples; some may call these teachings, “a Mussar overdose.” It is not our intent, G-d forbid, to cause any hurtful feelings in the heart of any couple, and it is only for G-d to judge where each person is holding and what can be expected of them. Certainly, especially in our generation, G-d understands man’s challenges, and does not require us to be perfect parents in order to have good children. The purpose of this section is for parents from here onwards to understand the importance of their sanctification and try, one step at a time, to elevate and refine their intimacy, not only for themselves but also for the benefit that it can have on their children. See the end of this Halacha where we explain that doing so can work retroactively to clean a child of bad traits that were created by unsanctified intimacy.   

The soul of a child is created specifically at the time of conception and not afterwards.[2] From this it is understood that the quality of the semen of the father (its spiritual sanctification and motivation) has a direct effect on the creation of the soul of the child, as will be explained below. In fact, the Ramban and other sages of Kabbalah promise to be a guarantor, that if one sanctifies himself properly, he will merit having male children who are Tzadikim.[3] However, lack of sanctification can create a blemished child, who will have many challenges with his Yetzer Hara. Those who do not sanctify themselves during intimacy, and rather act like the gentiles in their intimacy, desecrate G-d’s name and bring children who have spiritual challenges into the world.[4] Accordingly, the Sh’lah Hakadosh writes,[5] “One must guard and fulfill all the words of the Tur in O.C. 240 and E.H. 25. Do not ignore anything that is mentioned there. One must know by heart every word that is written there. Regarding the mysticism of intercourse, I command you to study chapter 16 in Reishis Chochma from beginning to end many times. My sons, I guarantee you that if you study the above two chapters in the Tur and chapter 16 in Reishis Chochma many times until you have become an expert in them and do not swerve from their words, then praised you will be in this world and the next. You will have good children with holy souls.”

A. Children with refined character, physical features, personality and self-control versus rebellious children:

The effects of sanctification: When both the husband and wife sanctify themselves during intimacy they merit having good children who are Tzadikim.[6] The Rambam states,[7] whoever is careful to keep the detailed laws of intimacy, not only has he managed to sanctify and purify his soul, and character, but also if he has children, those children will be beautiful people and people with shame, who are fit for wisdom and piety. However, those who follow the acts of the rest of the world who walk in darkness, they will have children just like them. [Indeed, the Rambam himself was born with the sanctification of his father Maiman, and hence although the Rambam himself did not contain a soul from Atzilus, he managed to comprehend until the world of Beriyah.[8]]

The effects of an animalistic intimacy without sanctification: Parents who do not sanctify themselves during intimacy cause much spiritual damage to their children,[9] including causing their children to be brazen,[10] intellectually challenged, to have lack of desire to serve G-d, and to be indulgent in material lusts and transgressions.[11] Such children can end up becoming abominable Resha’im.[12] Such children can end up becoming heretics who leave K’lal Yisrael.[13] Such parents can be held liable for their children’s behavior.[14] On such parents the verse states that they are “destroying their way on the earth [i.e. wasting seed]” and are considered as if they are fattening a calf for idolatry by having damaged children.[15] It is for this reason Chazal[16] state that a Rasha may be called a Rasha Ben Rasha even if in truth his father is a Tzadik, as the father is an accomplice in his sin.[17]]

Creates power of self-control in child and prevents him from sinning with women:[18] The Zohar states that the refinement of the parents during intimacy effects that the child will have greater capability to control his evil inclination and not indulge in sinful behavior. Thus, even if they become exposed to beautiful women they will not come to sin.

Determines the type of personality that the child will have: Wouldn’t it be great if you can fill out a list of personality choices for your future child? Well, the Ramban[19] and Ya’avetz in his Siddur[20] writes that if during the intimacy the husband thinks of matters of wisdom and good character traits then he has the power to form these personality traits within the sperm cell and hence have a child carry these traits upon birth. The Ramban[21] states that this was, in fact, done by Avraham Avinu during the intimacy which conceived Yitzchak, and that Avraham intentionally drew down various characteristics within Yitzchak’s soul through his intentions.

Creates handsome and beautiful children:[22] One who sanctifies himself during intimacy merits to have children who have handsome physical features.

B. The soul level of the child and his soul garments:

The soul level is based on the holiness of intimacy:[23] One is to know that in accordance with the state of sanctity of the intimacy, so will be drawn down the soul of the child; if one sanctifies oneself, the resultant child will have a holy soul. If the couple intends their intimacy to become united and have the Shechina dwell in their union, and thus attach to the Shechina, then so too will they have a child who desires to attach to the Shechina.

The garments of the soul are directly affected by the level of holiness maintained during the marital union:[24] The Zohar[25] states that the spiritual level of one’s children is mainly dependent on the sanctification of the parents, specifically during intimacy, in contrast to the children of  ignoramuses which are likewise born as ignoramuses due to their parents. The explanation of this matter is as follows, every soul, whether the Nefesh, Ruach or Neshamah, contains a garment/Levush which it receives from the soul of the essence of its father and mother.[26] All the Mitzvos that the child performs is from that Levush, and even the Shefa [Divine benevolence] that one is given from heaven goes through that garment. Now, if one sanctifies himself during intimacy, then he will draw down a holy garment for his son’s soul. Accordingly, even if one’s son is destined to have a very high soul, he needs his father’s sanctification. [The soul garment referred to here is the “Nefesh Hasichlis,” the intellectual soul, which serves as a medium between the G-dly and animal soul.[27]]

The souls levels are not entirely affected by the holiness of the parents:[28] [Although the Zohar ibid, and Mekubalim[29] state that the soul of the child is affected by the Kedusha of the parents, in truth] this is only regarding the soul garments, however, the soul itself [is not always affected by the parents lack of sanctification,] as at times the soul of an infinitely lofty individual comes to be the son of a low and shameful person, as writes the Arizal.[30] [Nevertheless, the above is only on occasion, as normally, the level of soul that is chosen for the child is measured by the spiritual state of the parents, and hence Tzadikim tend to draw down high and lofty souls for their children, while Resha’im draw down from Nefesh D’Nefesh D’Malchus D’Asiyah, which is the lowest level of holiness of Asiyah.[31] Accordingly, the intent of Admur above is not to state that the soul level of one’s child is not decided based on the spiritual state of the parents and their sanctity of intimacy, but rather that it is not affected or changed by the sanctity and righteousness of the parents, and rather that Hashem merits to grant the son a high soul based on the righteousness of the parents.[32]]

Intimacy in the Diaspora – Removing the soul of the child from the impurity of the gentile nations: The Alter Rebbe teaches[33] that the necessity to sanctify oneself during intimacy especially applies to those who live in the Diaspora, as there exists souls of Kedusha which are swallowed and bound within the angelic ministers of the seventy nations, and are drawn down to parents who have intimacy in the diaspora. Accordingly, parents who live in the diaspora must especially sanctify themselves during intimacy in order that they extract the soul from its cleaving impurity, and remove the good from the bad. [Possibly, this necessity applies even today in Eretz Yisrael, as it is explained that during exile even Eretz Yisrael is considered to be under the governance of the gentile ministering Angels.[34]]

Even gentiles can draw down holy souls:[35] Even gentiles have the ability to draw down souls from holiness during intimacy, if they do so with the right intents. It is possible that they even draw down the soul of a Tzadik, and indeed this is the secret behind converts who come from the gentile nations, as their parents have drawn down holy Jewish souls which then convert to Judaism.

The mystery behind Resha’im being born to Tzadikim and Tzadikim being born to Resha’im:[36] It is due to the above that we sometimes find Tzadikim who have children that are Resha’im, and find Resha’im who have children that are Tzadikim. Tzadikim who control themselves constantly from engaging in forbidden sexual pleasure (i.e. Shemiras Eiynayim, Niddah, Zera Levatala, etc.), sometimes due to their powerful suppressed lust, permit themselves to engage in animalistic pleasure with their wives during the time of intimacy when they can finally express their suppressed lusts and desires. Despite their general righteousness and self-control, their lack of sanctification during the actual intimacy, and expression of uncontrollable animalistic lust, effects that the child is born with stained garments and can influence him to become a Rasha when he grows up. However, Resha’im who do not control their passions, and perform sexual sins (i.e. Pornography, Zera Levatala, etc.) often do not even desire their wives and are no longer attracted to them and hence when they perform intercourse it is simply for the sake of having children, and not for any other reason. Despite their general evil ways, their sanctification during the actual intimacy, effects that the child is born with pure garments and can influence him to become a Tzaddik when he grows up.

C. Protects the child from physical danger:

The Zohar[37] states that Lilis, the angel of lust, raises the evil spirits that are created as a result of immoral thoughts.[38] The evil spirits[39] eventually take vengeance against the physical children born to the individual, and cause them physical harm. The Torah therefore commanded us to sanctify ourselves during intimacy, as when one does so he receives guardian angels which protect him from the evil spirit.

D. The chil’s future prosperity:[40]

The time of intimacy is a time of judgement, as during that time G-d decides the entire future of the child, whether the child born from that drop of semen will be wealthy or poor, wise or ignorant, strong and healthy or weak and sick. All of the child’s qualities and future are decided at this time. Accordingly, the couple are to enter the intimacy with a feeling of trepidation, and sanctify themselves during the intercourse, knowing that all the future of their descendants is dependent upon it.

E. Children who honor their parents:[41]

There is a well-known statement which attributes the sanctity of the parents during intimacy as a Segula for their children’s future respect of them as parents. The statement goes as follows: those who fulfill chapter 240 in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim and sanctify themselves during intimacy, will merit to have their children fulfill chapter 240 in Yoreh Deah and honor them as parents. However, those who transgress chapter 240 in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim and do not sanctify themselves during intimacy, will have the misfortune to have children who do not fulfill chapter 240 in Yoreh Deah and do not honor their parents. Likewise, it is recorded that one’s own honor of his parents serves as a Segula to receive Divine assistance for him to sanctify himself during intimacy.

Q&A Once the wife has conceived, can sanctification, or lack thereof, influence the child?[42] Yes. Even during pregnancy, sanctification during intimacy can affect the soul of the child, and the same applies if the couple does not sanctify themselves, that it can affect the child negatively.   Must both the husband and wife sanctify themselves and have holy intentions in order for the child to come out with a high soul and holy garments? Yes.[43] Both the husband and wife each independently provide vital parts of the soul garments for the child, and hence each of them needs to sanctify themselves in their thoughts.[44] One provides the child with an Or Makif while the other provides the child with an Or Penimi.[45] Which provides the main effect to the child, the sanctification of the father or mother? Many Sefarim record that the sanctification of the wife has the main affect and therefore she must especially be careful to have pure thoughts, as it is her thoughts that will have the main affect on the child.[46] Likewise, according to the opinions which hold that the mother provides the Makif of the soul, as explained next, her sanctification has an everlasting effect on the child.[47] However, from Rav Chaim Vital in Sha’ar Hagilgulim it is implied that the main effect is from the father and that he causes the most everlasting effect on the child.[48] Practically, Admur concludes that it is the father who provides the main personality effect to the child.[49] See next! The joint effect on the child by the father and mother:[50] As stated above, one parent provides the child with an Or Makif while the other provides the child with an Or Penimi. If both parents sanctified themselves during intimacy, then the child will be a Tzaddik throughout his life. If, however, one of the parents did not sanctify themselves, then either the Or Makif or Or Penimi will be impure and cause the child to be a Rasha for at least some part of his life. If the Or Makif is holy but not the Or Penimi, then although the child will be a Rasha in his youth, he will eventually return to become a Tzaddik. If, however, his Or Makif is impure and Or Penimi is defective, then although he may start off as a righteous person in his youth, he will eventually become a Rasha. Which parent provides the Makif and which the Penimi: While all agree that it is the Or Makif which is of greatest importance for the child, it is disputed as to which parent provides the Or Makif, the mother, or the father.[51] Practically, Admur concludes that it is the father who provides the Or Makif and the mother who provides the Or Penimi.[52] Does it help for people who are Resha’im/sinners to sanctify themselves during intimacy for the sake of baring a holy child?[53] Yes. Even Resha’im who have holy thoughts during intimacy can have a holy child born to them as a result of those thoughts at the time of intimacy. [Nonetheless, in general, the general spiritual state of the father and mother, including their righteousness and form of character, also has an effect on the child  towards his outcome, and not just the sanctification during intimacy.[54] In particular, it is mainly affected by the general state of the mother.[55]] Do Tzadikim need to sanctify themselves during intimacy if they are very careful to control themselves at all times outside of intimacy [i.e. Shemiras Eiynayim, holy thoughts, etc.]?[56] Yes. Even Tzadikim who have holy thoughts and self-control throughout their day must also sanctify themselves during intimacy in order to have a holy child born to them as a result of those thoughts at the time of intimacy. If they do not do so, they can have Resha’im born to them as a result of their improper thoughts. What happens if one has both pure intents and animalistic intents during the intimacy?[57] It is implied that although the highest level would obviously be to have absolute pure intents during intimacy, one who has both pure intents and animalistic intents still helps to sanctify the child on some level.

If one’s parents were Resha’im or did not have proper sanctification during intimacy, is there anything the child can do to stop himself from being a Rasha?[58] Yes. All the above negative traits inherited by the child, when the parents do not sanctify themselves during intimacy, are only with regards to his natural personality; he will have a disposition towards evil and bad character. However, certainly the child has the ability, power, and obligation to control as much as he can and follow the Torah and Mitzvos. He thus retains complete freedom of choice to have his mind overcome his instincts.   If one’s parents were Resha’im or did not have proper sanctification during intimacy, is there any Tikkun that the child can do to rectify his soiled soul garments? There is a tradition amongst Chassidim in the name of the Rebbe Rayatz that the Rabbe’im have the ability to change the soul garments of a Chassid, that he received from his parents, and provide him with holier garments.[59] Likewise, the Alter Rebbe writes in Torah Or[60] that toiling during prayer to arouse feelings of love and fear for G-d, washes ones soul garments, which are the Mitzvos. Perhaps, the soul garments which one receives from his parents can also become refined through this, just as if they had sanctified themselves during intimacy. If one’s parents were Resha’im or did not have proper sanctification during intimacy, is there any Tikkun that the parents can do to rectify their child’s soiled soul garments?[61] Yes. If the parents do Teshuvah, and from then onwards sanctify themselves during intimacy, this can effect that the children’s personality changes to the positive, and fix whatever negative influence they had originally received from the unsanctified relations. Accordingly, when a father sees that his child is acting improperly, rather than hitting his child for his behavior or becoming angry with him, he should ‘hit’ himself and be angry at himself for not sanctifying himself during intimacy; he must do complete Teshuvah to help rectify his child’s personality from here onwards.[62]   If, in truth, the righteousness of one’s children is dependent on the righteousness and holiness of the parents, why do we see in history so many righteous people who had wicked children, and on the other hand we see that there are wicked people who have righteous children?[63] There are various reasons and explanations for this phenomenon, including: 1. This is one of the secrets and mysteries of G-d that is not revealed to us. 2. Occasionally, G-d gives Tzadikim a reincarnated struggling soul as a son in order so the son can merit his final Tikkun. Thus, although outwardly the child may struggle and appear evil, in truth, there is a special Tikkun taking place in his soul through the relatively beneficial aspects he receives from his righteous parents. 3. A Torah scholar who does not properly recite Birchas HaTorah may have children who in turn are not Torah scholars. 4. A Torah scholar is judged more meticulously by G-d, therefore, due to subtle sins they may have children who in turn are not Torah scholars.   For the sake of the children:[64] There exists a famous saying, which states, “nothing can stand in the face of love.” The same way that people are willing to sacrifice so much for the sake of being with the person whom they love, so too, we should be able to sacrifice our animalistic pleasure during intimacy for the sake of our future children whom we love so much. If, for example, one knew (G-d forbid) that being intimate with his wife would cause her to develop a terrible disease, he certainly would not do so, and would not even feel a lust for doing so. So too, with one’s own children, if one realizes that the sanctification will affect the child’s very future, the lust will certainly be measured accordingly so that it does not affect the child in a bad way; as what don’t we do for our children, especially on behalf of their physical and spiritual health.

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[1] See Rambam Dei’os 5:5; Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban [printed in end of Reishis Chochmah]; Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha chapter 16 at length throughout the chapter; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:2-3; Zohar 1 Parshas Vayeira Midrash Hanelam 112a; Zohar 1: p. 112a; 3 p. 49b; Zohar Chadash 11a; Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 431; Tanya end of Chapter 2; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2; Ma’amarei Admur Ha’emtzai Kuntreisim p. 336; Sheyikadeish Atzmo 14:3, 8-11-16

[2] Ma’amarei Admur Hazakein p. 151 “Lehavin Inyan Zivug Haneshamos”

[3] Ramban in Igeres Hakodesh 6 “When you act in the ways that I have instructed you, I am your guarantor that you will have children who are Tzadikim, Chassidim, and who sanctify the name of heaven”; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:22

[4] Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban, printed in Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha chapter 16; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:6; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:1-2

[5] Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos “Kedusha”; Elya Raba 240

[6] Shavuos 18b; Sefer Chassidim 506; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 6:4; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 155 and 159

[7] Rambam Dei’os 5:5; See also Pirush Hamishnayos of Rambam Sanhedrin 7:4; Sheyikadeish Atzmo 14:3

[8] Sefer Hasichos 5691 p. 218

[9] Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha 16:11; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 6:4; See Ramban in Igeres Hakodesh 2 that when a man does not do so L’sheim Shamayim, the Zera is considered a repulsive drop, and Hashem has no portion in it, and he fattens children for idolatry as he plants damaged seeds

[10] Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha 16:11

[11] See Zohar Kedoshim p. 80b; Yalzu Chassidim 167; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos 6:8-9 that the son will grow up to be a Rasha and Chulya Beis 14; Otzer Hasippurim 4:28

[12] Ramban in Igeres Hakodesh 5

[13] Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 6:8

[14] Likkutei Torah Arizal Bereishis 15b “If the son sins, it is calculated on the fathers account”; Yalzu Chassidim ibid; See Sheyikadeish Atzmo 14:16

[15] Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 2; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 6:1; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 3:4

[16] Sanhedrin 52a

[17] Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2

[18] Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha 16:42 in name of Zohar Bereishis 112 and Parshas Vayeira Midrash Hane’elam 112a that Rav Yosef saw young unmarried men walking amongst beautiful women and not sinning and he asked them why they do not fear the Yetzer Hara, to which they replied that they came from a holy union of their parents and hence they need not fear their evil inclination; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 159

[19] Igeres Hakodesh of Ramban Chapter 5

[20] Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 6:8-9; See also Otzer Hasippurim 4:27 in name of Belzer Rebbe

[21] Ramban Igeres Hakodesh chapter 6

[22] See Nedarim 20a; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal 6;

[23] Reishis Chochma 16:4 and 16:11 based on Zohar Shemos 11a and Kedoshim 80a; See Kaf Hachaim 240:21; Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2

[24] Tanya end of Chapter 2; Likkutei Torah of Arizal Ta’amei Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis 15; Sha’ar Hamitzvos Yisro Mitzvas Kibbud Av Va’eim; Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar Kerias Shema She’al Hamitah 11

[25] Zohar 1 p. 112a; 3 p. 49b; Zohar Chadash 11a

[26] See Likkutei Torah of Arizal Ta’amei Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis 15 that the father and mother provide two garments for the soul of the child which assists it in its fulfillment of Torah and Mitzvos, and for this reason it is vital that the parents sanctify themselves during Tashmish in order that the child receive a holy garment.

[27] Pinyanei Tanya footnote 14 in name of Tzemach Tzedek; See Sefer Ma’amarim 5657 p. 269; Tanya Likkutei Pirushim-Pirush of Rav Shmuel Gronam p. 107; Tanya Im Biur Hashaveh Lekol Nefesh from Shiurim of Rav Yoel Kahn p. 33;; See however Tanya Mevueres p. 113 ands 1^st Pirush in Likkutei Pirushim ibid  who simply explains that this garment is there to help the G-dly soul express itself in this world, similar to how a computer with great hardware needs equally great software in order for its true potential to be maximized.

[28] Tanya ibid; See Biurim of Rav Yoel Kahn, Pinyanei Tanya, Tanya Mevu’eres for the explanation of this statement of Admur in Tanya

[29] Pardes of Ramak 1:5

[30] See Likkutei Torah [Arizal] Parshas Vayeira; Ta’amei Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis

[31] Tanya Chapter 18; Sefer Hama’amarim 5669 “Inyan Hilula D’Rashbi”; Pinyanei Sefer Hatanya [Moshe Link, based on Shiurim of Rav Yoel Kahn]; Tanya Mevu’eres footnote 85; See Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 6:8 that when the couple has evil thoughts they can draw down souls from the evil gentile nations, and the children end up becoming heretics who leave K’lal Yisrael!

[32] Pinyanei Sefer Hatanya [Moshe Link, based on Shiurim of Rav Yoel Kahn]; Taya Mevu’eres footnote 85

[33] Ma’amarei Admur Hazakein 5066 1:243

[34] See Toras Menachem 11:33

[35] Siddur Ya’avetz Mitos Kesef 6:8

[36] Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:11 footnote 14

[37] Zohar 3 76b; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14 footnote 6

[38] See there that there is a spirit called Na’amah which becomes impregnated with the immoral thoughts of man, and the spirits born to her are then raised by Lilis.

[39] See Zohar ibid that the implication is that Na’amah takes the vengeance.

[40] See Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2; Rabbeinu Yona Brachos 5b; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:8 footnote 11

[41] See Hakdamas Rav Margoliyos in Da’as Hakedusha p. 12; Vayaged Yaakov Kedoshim Mitzvah 261 in name of Belzer Rebbe; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:10 footnote 13

[42] See P”M 240 A”A 13 regarding Ben Tesha Midos; Niddah 31a; Binyan Habayis Al Pi Torah 13:9; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:14

[43] Igeres Hakodesh of Ramban Chapter 5; Sefer Chassidim 506; Likkutei Torah of Arizal Ta’amei Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis 15; Sha’ar Hagilgulim Hakdama 10; Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi 2 Seder Has’chiva 42; Siddur Arizal of Rav Yaakov Kopul Mitzvah Periyah Verivya p. 112; See Ramban Igeres Hakodesh chapter 5; Shlah Hakadosh Sha’ar Osiyos Kedushas Zivug; Morah Ba’etzba 2:49; Birkeiy Yosef 240:4; Midbar Kadeimos Mareches Reish 9; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2; Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2; Pela Yoeitz Erev Zivug; Yalzu Chassidim p. 40b; Nachlas Hashulchan 240; See Rebbe Yochanon in Brachos 20a that when the women who left Mikveh would see him they would have children like him, thus proving that also her thoughts have an effect; Shevet Hamussar 24 that she is to think of a Tzaddik during intimacy; Chesed L’Avraham Mayan Sheiyni Nehar 65; Otzer Hasippurim 4:27 in name of Belzer Rebbe; Zohar 3 p. 81 and Biur of Or Hachamah there; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14 footnote 7

[44] Arizal ibid

[45] Sha’ar Hagilgulim ibid and Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi ibid writes that the father provides the child with an Or Makif while the mother provides the child with an Or Penimi. However, Siddur Arizal of Rav Yaakov Kopul ibid writes to the contrary that the mother provides the child with an Or Makif while the father provides the child with an Or Penimi; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Gimel 15; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:7 footnote 10 in length

[46] So is implied from Brachos ibid and Shevet Hamussar that it is her thoughts which mainly affect the resultant child and that therefore the main need for Kedusha is upon the wife; Zohar 3:1 that she is more praised than him for sanctifying herself; Siddur Arizal of Rav Yaakov Kopul Mitzvah Periyah Verivya p. 112 “One must be careful that the mother’s sanctification of thought be more than the fathers”; Morah Ba’etzba 2:49 “It is very very dependent on the mother”; Birkeiy Yosef 240:4; Midbar Kadeimos Mareches Reish 9; Yifei Laleiv 240:5; Or Hachaim Hakadosh Tazria 12:2; Pela Yo’eitz Erech Zivug; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:7 footnote 10 in length; See also the following Sefarim that the main effect is from the righteousness and character of the mother: Midrash Shmuel Avos 2:11; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Tzedek 15; Rabbeinu Bechayeh Vayikra 24:11; Kav Hayashar 81; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 178; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:12 footnote 15

The reason: According to Nigleh, seemingly this is because the wife carries and develops the child throughout the nine months of pregnancy, and therefore she has the main effect.

[47] Siddur Arizal of Rav Kopul ibid

[48] See Sha’ar Hagilgulim ibid that if only the father did not sanctify himself the child will eventually be a Rasha, while if only the mother did not sanctify herself , then the child will eventually become a Tzaddik; Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi ibid; Yifei Laleiv 240:5 in name of Naggid Umitzvah; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:7 footnote 10 in length

[49] Ma’amarei Admur Hazakein p. 151 “Lehavin Inyan Zivug Haneshamos” in name of Mekubalim

[50] See Sha’ar Hagilgulim Hakdama 10; Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi 2 Seder Has’chiva 42; Siddur Arizal of Rav Yaakov Kopul Mitzvah Periyah Verivya p. 112; Siddur Yaa’vetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Gimel 15; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:7 footnote 10 in length

[51] Sha’ar Hagilgulim ibid and Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi ibid and Siddur Ya’avetz ibid, writes that the father provides the child with an Or Makif while the mother provides the child with an Or Penimi. However, Siddur Arizal of Rav Yaakov Kopul ibid writes to the contrary that the mother provides the child with an Or Makif while the father provides the child with an Or Penimi

[52] Ma’amarei Admur Hazakein p. 151 “Lehavin Inyan Zivug Haneshamos” in name of Mekubalim; See Sefer Ha’erechin Chabad Erech Av

[53] Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2; Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2; Yalzu Chassidim 370-380; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14 footnote 16

[54] See Midrash Shmuel Avos 2:11; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Tzedek 15; Rabbeinu Bechayeh Vayikra 24:11; Kav Hayashar 81; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:12 footnote 15

[55] Sefarim ibid in previous footnote

[56] Sefer Habris 1 Ma’amar 17:2

[57] See Ma’amarei Admur Ha’emtzai Kuntreisim p. 336 “If they have animalistic lust without any holiness and intent for good at all, then they will have evil children”; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14 footnote 14

[58] Derech Pikudecha Asei 9; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:17

[59] See Hamashpia Vol. 1 p. 205 in name of Rav Shlomo Chaim Kesselman based on Yechidus with Rebbe Rayatz; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:18

[60] Parshas Vayechi p. 92 Ma’amar Osri Lagefen

[61] See Letter of Rebbe in Morah Lador Navuch 3:173; Igros Kodesh 23:376; Otzer Hasippurim 4:27 at length in story with Rav Yehoshua of Belz; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:18

[62] Otzer Hasippurim ibid

[63] See Seder Hayom Seder Hanhagas Halayla; Siddur Ya’avetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 2:2; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:20

[64] See Letter of Rebbe in Morah L’dor Navuch 3:173 regarding Taharas Hamishpacha; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 14:9