Standing or sitting in their designated area:[1]

A. Standing in one’s parents designated place for standing:[2]

One may not stand in the area that is designated for his father [or mother[3]] to stand when having discussions with friends [i.e. Sod Zikeinim][4], or in the designated area that he stands when praying.[5] [This applies even if the parent is not present.[6] This applies even if the child plans to stand there alone, without any company.[7] However, one may stand in the area at home that his father (or mother) usually sits in, as this does not contain any belittlement.[8] However, even at home, one may not stand in the area designated for his father to stand in at home.[9] Some Poskim[10], however, rule that the entire limitation against standing in a designated standing area for a parent to stand when in discussion with friends only applies if his father is a respected individual, and not if his father is a mere simple person.]

After death:[11] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to stand in their designated area of standing at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their Shtender in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to use it.[12]]

B. Sitting in one’s parents’ designated place for sitting:[13]

One may not sit in the designated area that his father [or mother[14]] lye [or sit] at home [or in Shul, or at work[15], or a club, or any other area[16]].[17] [This applies even if the child plans to sit there alone, without any company, and without eating anything, as the sitting in it of itself is intrinsically forbidden in the area that his parent usually sits.[18] This prohibition applies even when one’s parent is not present.[19] However, one may stand in the area at home that his father (or mother) usually sits in, as this does not contain any belittlement.[20] Some learn that the above restriction only applies if there is more than one seating area available, however, if there is only one sitting area available, then there is no issue with one sitting there when the parent isn’t there.[21] Certainly, a child may sit in his parents sitting area if the parent gives him permission to do so.]

After death:[22] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to sit in their designated area of sitting at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their seat in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to sit in its place.[23]]

 

Q&A May a child sit in a temporary designated area for his parents to sit, such as in a vacation  rental home or hotel?[24] Seemingly, one may not do so. May a child sit in the driver’s seat of his father’s car?[25] Some write that it is permitted to do so whether the purpose of sitting there is to drive a car, or simply to rest.[26]   May a child sit in his father’s office seat? No, unless the parent gives them permission to do so. May a child sit in his father’s designated seat on the couch? No, unless the parent gives them permission to do so. May a child sit in his father’s designated loveseat? No, unless the parent gives them permission to do so. May a child stand on the chair where his father usually sits in order to get something?[27] Yes.   May a child lie on his parents’ bed?[28] Seemingly this is forbidden to be done, although some write that one may be lenient in this matter. Practically, one should ask permission from one’s parent before doing so.

C. Sitting in one’s parents designated seat in synagogue:[29]

Based on the above Halacha it is understood that it is forbidden for a son to sit in his father’s seat in Shul synagogue even if his father is not present. The same likewise applies regarding a daughter, that she may not sit in her mother’s designated seat in the woman’s section.

If one’s father only prays there some of the prayers:[30] Even if one’s father only prays one of the daily prayers in that designated seat, nonetheless, the son may not sit in that seat during the prayers that he is not there. Thus, for example, if one’s Father Davens Shacharis in that seat, the son may not sit there even for Shacharis and Mincha. [However, if he only sits in the seat on rare occasion, then there is no prohibition for the son to sit there by other times.[31]]

If one’s father does not mind or gives permission: If one receives permission from his father to sit in his seat in synagogue, then he may do so. Likewise, if one knows that his father does not mind, then he may do so. Accordingly, many today are accustomed to sit in the father’s seat in synagogue when their father isn’t present, as it is assumed that their fathers do not mind.[32] However, some Poskim[33] rule that even if he receives permission from his father he should not sit in his seat in the synagogue being that other people are not aware of this permission. Practically, one may be lenient in a time of need.[34]

One’s father changed seats or changed synagogues:[35] If a father changed seats in the synagogue or has left his previous synagogue and started to pray in a new synagogue, then his son may sit in his previously designated seat from now on, [so long as people in the congregation are aware that the father no longer sits there].

 

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[1] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 pp. 578-583

[2] Michaber 240:2; Rambam Mamrim 6:3; Kiddushin 31b; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 579-580

[3] Rabbeinu Yonah in Sefer Hayirah 186; Shut Maharil 24; Chareidim Asei 1:26; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9

[4] Michaber ibid; Rashi Kiddushin ibid; Tur 240

[5] Michaber ibid; Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 1 4:15-3 in name of Ramah

[6] Ravan Kiddushin 31b; Rishon Letziyon 240:2; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:2; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 615 footnote 509

[7] Taz 240:2; Beir Heiytiv 240:2; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:2

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to do so when not in the presence of others. [Rishon Letziyon 240:2]

[8] Shach 240:1; Taz 240:2; Beis Yosef 240

[9] Implication of Poskim ibid in previous footnote; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9

Other opinions: See Perisha 240:2 in explanation of Beis Yosef that there is no designated standing area at home, and from here the Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 32 understands the above Poskim to rule that at home, one may even stand in the area designated for standing. Vetzaruch Iyun Gadol, on his ruling, as all the Poskim ibid explicitly emphasize the word “to stand in the designated sitting area” which implies that by the designated standing area, it would be forbidden even at home, and so explicitly rules Aruch Hashulchan 240:9.

[10] Aruch Hashulchan 240:9

[11] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shemos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 582 footnotes 207-211

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to do so even after the death. [Yifei Laleiv 5 Y.D. 240:5; Betzel Hachochmah 3:95]

[12] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[13] Michaber 240:2; Rambam Mamrim 6:3; Kiddushin 31b; Tur 240 in name of Ramah; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:3-6

[14] Rabbeinu Yonah in Sefer Hayirah 186; Shut Maharil 24; Chareidim Asei 1:26; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4

[15] In a store with room for only one seat: See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4 footnote 42 that in a store where there is only one place to sit, the son may sit in the same area as his father, as this is not considered a disrespect to the father.

[16] See Bach 240; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9; Otzer Kibbud Av Vaeim p. 111; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4 footnote 41

[17] The reason: As this makes it appear that one is making himself equal to his parent. [Levush 240]

[18] Taz 240:2; Beir Heiytiv 240:2; Rashal in Yam Shel Shlomo Kiddushin 1:65; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:2

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to do so when not in the presence of others. [Rishon Letziyon 240:2]

[19] Implication of Taz ibid and Michaber ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 240; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:2 that one is to suspect of this opinion; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:3

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to sit in one’s parents designated area if there is no one present, including the parent. [Rishon Letziyon 240; Yaskil Avdi Y.D. 21:8]

[20] Shach 240:1; Taz 240:2; Beis Yosef 240

[21] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4 footnote 42

[22] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shenos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 582 footnotes 207-211

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to do so even after the death. [Yifei Laleiv 5 Y.D. 240:5; Betzel Hachochmah 3:95]

[23] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[24] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4 footnote 40

[25] Chayeh Halevi  4:76-12

[26] The reason: As the driver seat of a car is not viewed as a seat of honor and respect.

[27] Shach 240:1; Taz 240:2; Beis Yosef 240

[28] See Meim Loez  Shemos 20:12-23; Sefer Morah Horim 2:19; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:4 footnote 45

[29] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:6

[30] Mivaksheiy Torah 21 p. 271; Rivivos Efraim 48:58

[31] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 90:31; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:6 footnote 54

[32] Aruch Hashulchan 240:9.

[33] Makor Chaim 16

[34] Minchas Yechiel 3:107

[35] Az Nidbaru 8:60; Olas Yitzchak Ratzabi 2:291

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