Honoring grandparents-Do the laws of Kibud Av Vaeim apply to one’s grandparents?

Grandparents-Honoring ones grandparents:[1]

Some Poskim[2] rule that one is not obligated in the honor of his grandfather. Practically, we do not rule this way and one is [Biblically[3]] obligated to honor his father’s father.[4] Nevertheless, one is not obligated in their honor as much in the honor of his own father, as one is more obligated in the honor of his father than the honor of his father’s father.[5] [The same applies regarding one’s mother’s father, that one is obligated in his honor.[6] The same applies for one’s grandmother, whether it be one’s father’s mother or one’s mother’s mother, that one is obligated in her honor.[7] Nonetheless, the honor of one’s paternal grandparents precede those of his maternal grandparents.[8]]

Great-grandparents and beyond:[9] Some Poskim[10] rule that one is obligated also in the honor of his great-grandparents and beyond. Other Poskim[11], however rule that is not obligated in the honor of his great-grandparents and beyond. Practically, one is to be stringent in this matter.

Supporting one’s grandparents:[12] Thus, if a son is not able to afford supporting his parents, then the grandchildren must support them if they can afford it.

After the death of one’s parent: Some Poskim[13] rule that after the death of one’s father [or mother], one is no longer obligated in the command of honoring his grandfather [or grandmother]. However, other Poskim[14] rule that one is obligated in their honor even after his parents death.

After the grandparent passes away:[15] One is obligated to honor his grandparents even after they pass away, such as to say Kaddish on their behalf.

If the grandparent is a Rasha:[16] It is disputed among the Poskim as to whether one is obligated in the honor of a grandparent who is a Rasha in accordance with the opinion that obligates one to honor a parent who is a Rasha.

 

The matters of honor required to be shown to one’s grandparents:[17]

One is required to honor his grandparents just as one is required to honor his parents whether in speech or action. Likewise, one is required to fear one’s grandparents just as one is required to fear his parents. Thus, the following laws apply to one’s grandparents:

  1. One may not sit in his grandparents in place of sitting.
  2. One may not call his grandparents by their first name.
  3. One is to stand up on behalf of his grandparents when he enters their presence.
  4. One is to serve them food and drink.
  5. Some Poskim[18] rule that one is to precede the doing a mitzvah to fulfilling the wishes of one’s grandparents, even though by one’s parents we rule that their wishes are to be preceded if the mitzvah can be done by another.

 

Preceding the honor of one’s father to that of one’s grandfather:[19]

As stated above, one is more obligated to the honor of one’s father than that of his grandfather and hence one is to precede the honor and wishes of one’s father to that of one’s grandfather. However, some Poskim[20] rule that this only applies regarding those matters that the father is not obligated to provide for his own father, however those matters in which one’s father is obligated towards his grandfather, then one is to precede his grandfather to his father.[21] Other Poskim[22], however, argue in this and rule that one is always to precede the honor of his own father to that of his grandfather. Practically, some suggest in order to avoid the debate that the father should explicitly tell his son to precede his grandfather’s wishes over his own.[23]

 

One’s grandparents’ spouse:[24]

There is no obligation for one to honor his grandparents’ spouse, such as if the grandparent remarried after having one’s father or mother.

 

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[1] Rama 240:24; See Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:21; Sotah 49a; Makos 12a; Sheiris Yosef 19; Imrei Sefer Parshas Toldos; Teshuvah Meahavah 1:178; Shtei Halechem 43; See Yad Avraham 240; Gilyon Maharsha 240:15; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:61-62; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 470-475

[2] Maharik Shoresh 44 [30], brought in Rama ibid and Taz 240:20; See Elya Zutah on O.C. Shut 1; See Sotah 49a, Midrash Raba Vayigash 94:6; Tosafus Yevamos 22b; Bava Basra 115a; Kiddushin 30a; Rashi Makos 12a; Beis Hillel 240:4; Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 240; Gilyon Maharsha 240:15; Meiah Shearim 66; Sheiris Yosef 19; Zera Emes 2:148; Shemen Hamor Derush 1; Beis Shmuel E.H. 115:16; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 471 footnotes 1328-1335

[3] Sefer Chassidim 345; Sefer Hapardes 290; Ravayah 841; Menoras Hamaor 4:24; Chareidim Asei 4:3; Bach 240; Implication of Darkei Moshe 240:7; Shut Rama 118; Chadrei Deiah 240; Minchas Elazar 3:33; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1313

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it is merely rabbinical obligation. [Beis Dovid C.M. 3; Torah Lishma 265; Maharshag 2:200; Magen Giborim O.C. 139:2; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1314]

[4] Rama ibid; Darkei Moshe 240:14; Shut Rama 118; Taz 240:20; Shach 240:23; Bach 240; Rashi on Chumash Bereishis 46:1; Midrash Bereishis Raba Parsha 94:5; Nekudos Hakesef on Taz ibid; Hagahos Chasam Sofer 240 based on Rashi Sotah 49a; Chareidim Asei 4:3; Sefer Chassidim 345; Sefer Hapardes 290; Ravayah 841; Menoras Hamaor 4:24; Shvus Yaakov 2:94; Chayeh Adam 67:25; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 345; Chadrei Deiah 240; Minchas Elazar 3:33; Aruch Hashulchan 240:44; Toras Menachem 2:123, printed in Shulchan Menachem 4:175; Vol. 18 p. 165; See Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 471 footnote 1318-1323

The reason: As grandchildren are considered like children. [Poskim ibid] Alternatively, as honoring one’s grandfather is included within the honor of his father. [Shut Rit Viya 59; Yad Shaul 240; Yad Avraham 240; Tuv Taam Vadas Kama 213; Maharsham 2:224]

[5] Rama ibid; Menoras Hamaor 4:24; Chareidim Asei 4:3; Midrash Bereishis Raba Parsha 94:5; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 471 footnote 1324

[6] Shut Harama 118; Shvus Yaakov 2:94; Birkeiy Yosef 240:17 [based on Bava Basra 91b that Rus was brought a chair by Shlomo her great great grandchild]; Shut Rav Akiva Eiger Kama 68; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 345; Aruch Hashulchan 240:44; See Sdei Chemed Mareches Beis 18; Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 129; See Igros Kodesh 2:38 and 54; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1315

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it one is not obligated to follow the laws of respect for his maternal grandparents. [Biur Hagr”a 240:34; Yad Avraham 240; Brought in Igros Kodesh 2:38; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 472 footnote 1336]

[7] Rabbeinu Meyuchas Shemos 20:12; Chareidim Asei 4:3; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 1316-1317

[8] Shvus Yaakov 2:94

[9] See Igros Kodesh 2:38, printed in Shulchan Menachem 4:176 and Likkutei Sichos 20:644; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 475 footnotes 1375

[10] Shvus Yaakov 2:94 based on Bava Basra 91b; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1374; See Poskim in next footnote

[11] Zera Emes 2:148; Leaning approach in Igros Kodesh ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1375; See Mateh Efraim Kaddish Yasom 5 who leaves this matter in question; See also Pischeiy Teshuvah C.M. 247 in length; See M”B 218:16 in name of Elya Raba that the blessing over a miracle occurred in a certain area is not said by the person’s great-grandchildren, which implies that one is not obligated in their honor; However, see Seder Birchas Hanehnin 13:1, Shulchan Hatahor 218:2 and Ketzos Hashulchan 66:1 who argues

[12] Shach 240:23; Bach 240; Tana Dvei Eliyahu Raba 16 that Noach supported his grandparents; See Beis Lechem Yehuda 240:14 that from the letter of the law, one cannot force the grandson to support his grandfather.

[13] Rit Viyal 59; Teshuvas Rav Akiva Eiger Kama 68 in name of Sefer Livyas Chein; Yad Avraham 240; Yad Shaul 240; Tuv Taam Vadas Kama 213; See Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid footnote 527; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 472 footnote 1337

[14] See Sefer Chassidim 345; Shut Rama ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 472 footnote 1339

[15] Shut Rama 118; See Elya Zutah on O.C. Shut 1; Shvus Yaakov 2:94; Teshuvah Meahavah 1:178; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 345

[16] See Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 472 3-474

[17] Chareidim Asei 4:3; Elya Zutah on O.C. Shut 1; Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 240; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 473

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it one is not obligated to follow the same laws of respect for his grandparents as he is required to show his parent. [Shvus Yaakov 2:94; Sheilas Yaavetz 2:129; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 473 footnotes 1346-1354]

[18] Shtei Halechem 43; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 345; Nitei Nemanim Y.D. 47; Mateh Efraim Dinei Kaddish; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 473 footnote 1352

[19] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:62; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 471 footnote 1324 and p. 474 footnotes 1363-1373

[20] Sefer Chassidim 929; Shtei Halechem 43; Livyas Chein Parshas Vayigash, brought in Shut Rav Akiva Eiger Kama 68; Teshuvah Meahavah 1:178; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 474 footnotes 1365-1368

[21] The reason: As since one’s own father is obligated to honor his father which is one’s grandfather, therefore it makes sense that one should precede the honor of his grandfather. [Poskim ibid; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid for all the reasons]

[22] Implication of Rama ibid; Elya Zutah on O.C. Shut 1; Sheilas Yaavetz 2:129; Shut Rit Viya 59; Nachalas Tzvi 242:21; Meishiv Devarim 140; Chelkas Yaakov Y.D. 135; Encyclopedia Talmudit p. 475 footnote 1369

[23] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:62

[24] Rit Viyal 59; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1376

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