# Chapter 13: How to calculate the days of Shiva-The start and end of Shiva[1]

## 1. When does the Shiva begin?[2]

The transition from the state of Onen to the state of Aveilus begins immediately after the body is buried and the grave is closed with earth.[3] Once the earth has been placed over the body/coffin in a way that one can no longer see the body/coffin, the Shiva officially begins.[4]

Began Shiva before burial:[5] If one began the mourning prior to the completion of the burial, he must restart the mourning after the completion of the burial. [Thus, if he began mourning prior to nightfall on Sunday, and then discovered that the burial was not complete until after nightfall, he begins counting Shiva from Sunday night. If, however, he discovered the burial was completed before nightfall of Sunday, then even though he accidently began keeping it before the burial was complete, he counts Shiva from Sunday.[6]]

Another relative passed away within Shiva:[7] If within the Shiva for one relative, another relative passed away, one begins to count the Shiva for second relative after the burial is complete, even if it is still within the Shiva of the first relative. [Thus, if on the 3rd day of Shiva a second relative passed away and was buried, one does not wait until the end of Shiva for the first relative to begin the Shiva for the second relative, but rather has the 3rd day and onwards count for both relatives, and hence sits Shiva for a total of nine days.] If two relatives passed away and were buried on the same day, then one sits Shiva and Shloshim simultaneously for both relatives starting from the day of burial.[8]

What is the law if one sat Shiva for the wrong relative, such as if he later discovered that in truth it was a different relative who died? See Chapter 12 Halacha 1A!

## 2. The length of Shiva:

Shiva begins right after the burial, and lasts for seven days thereafter. The day of burial is counted as the first day of Shiva even if the burial took place very late into the day. [Furthermore, even if the burial was completed during Bein Hashmashos, the previous day is counted as the first day of Shiva, as brought in Halacha 3.]

Shabbos:[9] The day of Shabbos does not cease the mourning, and the seven days of Aveilus thus includes Shabbos.[10]

The last day of Aveilus: See Chapter 21 Halacha 1 regarding the exact time that the Shiva ends on the seventh day.

Yom Tov breaks Shiva: The arrival of a Yom Tov ends the Shiva as explained in Halacha 11 and Chapter 27 Halacha 1. See there for the full details of this matter!

## 3. When is considered the first day of Shiva for the count of seven days?

Beginning the Shiva customs before sunset/nightfall:[11] Some Poskim[12] rule that although the laws and customs of Aveilus begin to apply as soon as the body is covered with earth, as explained above, nevertheless, it is not considered that one has begun Shiva until he actually follows through in fulfilling some of these customs [i.e. removing the leather shoes; sitting on allow stool]. Thus, for example, if after the burial the relative remained standing near the grave for one hour without doing anything, his personal count of Shiva has not yet begun. The practical ramification is in a case that the burial is taking place close to sunset/nightfall, in which case if one does not begin the customs of Shiva before nighttime, he will lose counting that day as the first day of Shiva. [Thus, it is advisable that before leaving the cemetery, the mourners sit on a low stool or bench, formally initiating the Shiva mourning process. This especially applies when the burial is taking place by sunset, or Bein Hashmashos, in which case one is to quickly begin the custom of Shiva as soon as the body/casket is covered with earth.[13]] However, other Poskim[14] rule that the Shiva begins immediately after leaving the area of the burial even if one did not actually begin doing any of the customs of Shiva, such as the burial took place close to Shabbos [or nighttime] and the relatives went straight to Shul afterwards [without removing their shoes, or sitting on the ground].[15] Practically, Bedieved one may be lenient like this latter opinion to count the Shiva from that day even if one did not practice any of the Shiva customs, although initially he is to be stringent to remove his shoes or sit on the floor.[16] [Nevertheless, in the event that he did not even leave the area of the grave until nightfall, then seemingly all would agree that he cannot count that day as the first day of Shiva.[17]]

Buried Bein Hashmashos:[18] If the burial [covering of the body with earth] was completed during Bein Hashmashos, past sunset but prior to nightfall, Bein Hashmashos is considered like day and the first day of Shiva is counted from that day.[19] [For example, if the burial was completed on Sunday afternoon during Bein Hashmashos, then Sunday is the first day of Shiva and they get up from Shiva on Shabbos.] Lechatchila, the Avel is to do some act of Aveilus prior to nightfall, such as sitting on the ground or removing his leather shoes. Nevertheless, even if he didn’t do any act of Aveilus prior to nightfall, Bein Hashmashos is counted as the first day of Shiva.[20]

Davened Maariv after Plag Hamincha:[21] One who Davened an early Maariv prior to being informed of the death[22], begins counting Shiva [and Shloshim] from the next day, and that day does not count as part of Shiva [or Shloshim]. [Thus, even if the burial took place before nightfall, he only begins the Shiva and Shloshim from the next day. The same applies if he will begin Shiva prior to the burial, such as if he does not plan to attend the burial, as explained in Halacha 7, that he begins from that night if he already Davened Maariv beforehand. The same applies regarding a Shemua Kerova, as explained in Halacha 8F!]

## 4. Cases of exception in which the Shiva begins before, or sometime after, the burial:

In certain situations, the Shiva begins before or sometime after the burial. A competent Rav is to be contacted in all of these cases. The following is a list of these situations:

1. One is planning to rebury the body elsewhere. [See Halacha 5]
2. The body cannot be found or buried. [See Halacha 6]
3. One will not be attending the funeral/burial. [See Halacha 7]
4. One discovered the death only after the burial. [See Halacha 8]
5. One who transgressed and did not keep Aveilus. [See Halacha 9]
6. A Chasan and Kallah [See Halacha 10]
7. A Yom Tov has arrived [See Halacha 11]

*Important note regarding Aninus:

The laws of Aninus and the mourner’s status of an Onen, always ends before one begins Shiva. Thus, in all cases brought below in which we rule that Shiva begins prior to the burial, the state of Aninus also ends at that time. Furthermore, as evident from the Poskim[23], it is possible to have a limbo period where Aninus has ended, but Shiva has not yet begun. See Chapter 3 Halacha 2 for the full details relating to the end of Aninus, and those cases where it ends even prior to the burial.

## 5. Planning to rebury the deceased elsewhere:[24]

If the deceased was unearthed after being buried and was reburied in a new location, then if at the time of the original burial the intent was that he remains buried there forever, the Shiva does not restart after the new burial. This applies even if the unearthing and reburial occurred within the Shiva. If, however, at the original time of burial one already planned to unearth and rebury the deceased elsewhere upon the opportunity arising, then the Shiva is begun after the first burial, and if they unearth and rebury him again within the Shiva, then they restart the count of Shiva. If, however, he was unearthed and reburied only after Shiva, then they do not sit Shiva a second time. If at the time of the original burial one had intent to rebury the deceased elsewhere within the Shiva, then one does not begin Shiva until after the second burial.

## 6. When to start Shiva if the body cannot be buried:[25]

If one is unable to bury the body, then as soon as the person gives up hope in burying the body, Shiva is begun. This applies at all times, whether within thirty days of death or later.[26] Thus, if the body went missing, such as it became lost at sea, or in the jungle, then the moment the relatives give up hope of retrieving the body, they begin counting Shiva and Shloshim.[27] [If, however, the missing person was married, then the relatives do not begin Shiva/Shloshim, until enough proof of death has been provided to the point that his wife may remarry.[28] See Chapter 12 Halacha 12!]

Temporarily giving up hope: Even if one hopes to eventually bury the corpse if the circumstances allow it to be done, if he has given up hope for the body to be buried under the current circumstances, and has thus sealed it in its coffin on wait, then Shiva is to be started right away.[29] For example, if the body was placed in the coffin and a military siege [and possible conquest of the city[30]] is preventing burials from taking place, then the relatives begin sitting Shiva and counting Shloshim from the moment that the coffin is sealed with nails.[31] [If, however, one has not yet sealed the body in its coffin, then although he has temporarily given up hope in burying the body, he does not begin Shiva until he gives up hope entirely.]

War captive:[32] If the body has been captured in war and is not being released by the enemy, then as soon as one gives up hope of a diplomatic solution to receiving the body, one begins to count Shiva and Shloshim. This applies even if military options are available, and have not been ruled out.[33]

Body brought to burial after Shiva:[34] In the event that one gave up hope of burial, and thus sat Shiva, and the body was then found and brought to burial after Shiva, the mourning does not restart. However, the sons [and other relatives[35]] must practice Shiva on the day of the burial [even if they are not present by the burial, but were informed of it[36]], similar to what is done with Likut Atzamos. If they did not discover the burial until the next day, then they do not need to mourn at all.

 When does Shiva begin if the body was burnt to ash r”l?[37] One begins Shiva as soon as he is notified of the tragedy, as there is no Mitzvah to bury the ash of the deceased. [However, some Poskim[38] rule that if a person’s relative was intentionally cremated, then one does not mourn over his passing, and there is no Aninus, Shiva, Kaddish, or Yahrzeit held in his memory. Practically, a Rav is to be contacted in such a case.]

## 7. When to start Shiva if one will not be attending the burial:[39]

### A. Burial taking place within the same city or near the city:[40]

If the burial will be taking place within the city, or close by[41], and a mourning relative will not be attending the burial, then that relative is to wait until the burial is complete and he is informed of its completion[42], to begin Shiva and Shloshim. [The practical ramification is if the burial took place after nightfall, in which case one will only begin counting Shiva from that night. Likewise, if the burial took place by Bein Hashmashos of Yom Tov, they will have to count Shiva from after Yom Tov.[43] Practically, in a time of need, such as Erev Yom Tov, or before night, it suffices to follow the estimated time of burial, and begin Shiva, even if one was not informed.[44]]

### B. Burial taking place in a different country or city:[45]

If a mourning relative will not be attending the burial, and the burial will be taking place in a different country [or city[46]] and he will thus not know when the burial is complete, then [if there is no Halachic status of Gadol Habayis who is going to the burial, as explained next] this mourner is to begin sitting Shiva and counting Shloshim as soon as he is done escorting the deceased on his journey to burial.[47] [This applies even today when the relatives can be instantly informed of the conclusion of the burial through telephone.[48] Thus, if the relative will not be flying to the burial which is in another state or country, but will attend the funeral which is taking place in his city, then as soon as he exits the funeral, he begins counting Shiva.[49] Furthermore, even if both the funeral and burial is taking place in another city or country, and one does not plan to attend either the funeral or the burial, one is to begin sitting Shiva immediately upon making this decision to not attend.[50]] However, all those who plan to attend the burial, delay starting Shiva until the burial is complete [even if the Gadol Habayis is not going to the burial[51], and hence it ends up that the relatives begin and end the Shiva on different days]. [If, however, those attending the burial plan to return during Shiva to the home of the relatives who did not attend, then everyone is to begin the count of Shiva prior to heading out for the burial.[52]] In the event that the remaining relatives began Shiva after escorting the deceased onto his journey, and it then became discovered that the body will not be able be brought to burial for a long time, they nevertheless do not need to stop their Shiva, or sit Shiva again after the burial.[53]

Definition of Gadol Habayis-Family leader:[60] The family leader is defined as the decision maker of the family, of whom everyone follows his decisions, whether it be a brother of the deceased, or his son [i.e. the one in charge of the estate]. Some say even a son who is still a child can be considered the family leader, however, others rule he must be 13 years old to receive this status. [The husband of a deceased woman is considered the family leader in this regard.[61]]

## 8. Discovered the death after the burial:[79]

### A. Discovered during Shiva:[80]

If one did not discover the death of his relative until after the burial, he begins to count Shiva from the time of his discovery, even if the other relatives have already begun the Shiva days earlier, after the burial was complete. This is with exception to a very specific case in which the relative has traveled to the area that the other relatives are sitting Shiva, in which case he joins the count of the other relatives if certain conditions are met, as explained next.

One traveled to the mourning relatives before he began Shiva: If one who is unaware of the death or burial travels to the area that the other relatives are sitting Shiva, then he joins the count of the other relatives for Shiva and Shloshim if the following conditions are met: 1) He traveled to the relatives.[81] 2) The relatives that he traveled to are found in the area of the death or burial.[82] 3) Amongst the relatives that he traveled to is found the family leader[83] [or the majority of the family, if there is no family leader that exists[84]].[85] 4) He was unaware of the death [or did not yet begin Aveilus[86]] prior to traveling to the relatives that are found in the area of death/burial, and thus only discovered the death [or began Aveilus] after arriving to the relatives that are found in the area of the death or burial.[87] [This can occur if one began traveling after hearing of the death but prior to the burial, and arrived after the burial, in which case he did not begin Aveilus until his arrival. If, however, he already heard of the death and burial prior to traveling, then he must begin the Shiva on his own.[88]] 5) The travel from his location[89] until the area of the death or burial [where the relatives are found] is within a day’s distance of travel.[90] He, however, does not need to arrive with one day [i.e. may take a longer route, or make a delay], and so long as there is a potential travel route to arrive within one day it is valid.[91] 6) He arrived within the Shiva. This applies even if he arrived on the last day of Shiva, in which case he joins them and only sits Shiva for that day.[92] This law applies even if the relative does not stay until the end of Shiva by the family leader, and rather returns home in middle, nevertheless he counts together with them.[93] [Based on these conditions, if an individual was not told of the death of his relative right away, such as if he is sick or in a fragile state, and was told within the Shiva, then if he travels to the home of the other relatives, he joins them in the count, if the above conditions are fulfilled.[94]]

 Summary: If one did not discover the death of his relative until after the burial, he begins to count Shiva from the time of his discovery, with exception to if he travels to his relatives who already began Shiva and fulfills all the following conditions, in which case he joins their count: 1. He travels to the relatives.  2. The relatives that he travels to are found in the area of the death or burial.  3. Amongst the relatives that he traveled to is found the family leader [or the majority of the family, if there is no family leader that exists].  4. He did not yet begin Aveilus prior to traveling to the relatives that are found in the area of death/burial, and thus only began Aveilus after arriving to the relatives that are found in the area of the death or burial. 5. The travel from his location until the area of the death or burial [where the relatives are found] is within a day’s distance of travel.  6. He arrived within the Shiva   Case Example: If a sick relative was not told of the death of his relative right away, and was told within the Shiva, then if he travels to the home of the other relatives, he joins them in the count, if the above conditions are fulfilled.

### B. Shemua Kerova-Discovered within thirty days from death:[95]

If a relative only discovered the death and burial after it took place, then if he became informed within thirty days [from the death[96]], he is obligated to perform Keriah and keep seven days of Shiva and thirty days of Shloshim beginning from the day that he was informed.[97] [This is referred to as a Shemua Kerova, or a close hearing.] The Shloshim is counted starting from the day he was informed.[98] The general rule is that for all Halachic matters, the day of being informed is synonymous to the day of the burial.[99] [Nevertheless, regarding the laws of precedence of Kaddish and Chazan, the Shloshim is counted from the day of burial and not from the time that he began his personal count of Shloshim.[100]]

Keriah by a Shemua Kerova:[101] If one heard of the passing and burial of a relative within thirty days [i.e. Shemua Kerova], he remains obligated to perform Keriah. [The Keriah only needs to be performed on the clothing that he is currently wearing at the time of discovery, and does not have to be performed on clothing that he changes into later on.[102] One recites the blessing of Baruch Dayan Haemes by the Keriah, just as is normally done.[103]]

Seudas Havraah:[104] A Seudas Havraah is to be served to the mourner upon hearing the news of his relative’s burial, if he heard of it within 30 days of the death [i.e. Shemua Kerova].

Tefillin:[105] On the day of a Shemua Kerova, one is not to put on Tefillin. [However, the Chabad custom is to wear Tefillin that day. See Chapter 18 Halacha 3 for the full details of this matter!]

Discovered on Shabbos or Yom Tov: See Halacha E!

How to calculate the thirty days of a Shemua Kerova: The thirty days are calculated from the time of death and not from the time of burial.[106] The thirtieth day itself is considered part of the thirty-day calculation, and hence if one became informed on the 30th day he is to keep Shiva and Shloshim starting that day.[107] The days of Yom Tov do not nullify and decrease the thirty day count of Shemua Kerova. Hence, if the person passed way and was buried Erev Yom Tov, and the information arrived to the relative a week after Yom Tov, then he is to keep Shiva and Shloshim starting from after Yom Tov, and the days of Yom Tov are not decreased from this calculation.[108]

 Summary: If a relative only discovered the death and burial after it took place, then if he became informed within thirty days from the death, he is obligated to keep Shiva and Shloshim beginning from the day of being informed of the burial.

### C. Shemua Rechoka-Discovered after thirty days from death:

Shiva for an hour:[109] If a relative only discovered the death and burial after it took place, then if he became informed past thirty days [from the death[110]], then he is only obligated to keep one hour of Aveilus. [This is referred to as a Shemua Rechoka, or a distanced hearing. Some Poskim[111] rule that one does not need to sit Shiva for an actual hour, but even a few minutes suffices.] This applies whether one became informed of the death by day or by night. Thus, for example, if one heard a Shemua Rechoka at night, it suffices for him to sit Shiva for one hour at night, and the Shiva then ceases. This applies even if one heard of the death of his father or mother. By the passing of a parent, this applies even if the child heard of the passing only after many years passed since the death.[112] [By the passing of other relatives, however, some Poskim learn that once 12 months has passed from the time of death, one no longer keeps any customs of mourning, not even for an hour.[113]]

The mourning customs kept during that hour:[114] One who hears a Shemua Rechoka is not required to keep all the laws of Shiva for that one hour, and rather it suffices to simply remove one’s leather shoes [or sit on the floor[115]]. He does not need to perform Atifas Harosh[116], or Kefiyas Hamita[117], and may perform Melacha, bathe, anoint, have marital relations, and learn Torah [if he was not in the midst of doing these actions upon receiving the news]. If, however, he is in any event not wearing shoes[118], then he is to perform another recognizable act of Aveilus, such as Atifas Harosh or Kefiyas Hamita [or sitting on the floor[119]]. Likewise, if upon receiving news of the death he was in the midst of learning Torah, or doing work, or bathing or anointing, then he is to stop doing it for an hour due to the morning, and then resume. In addition to this [stopping from learning etc], one also needs to perform one[120] of the above actions of recognizable Aveilus, such as removing the shoes, or Atifas Harosh, or Kefiyas Hamitah, and simply stopping from doing the above actions does not suffice. If he was wearing Tefillin at the time he received the news, he is not required to remove the Tefillin.[121]

Customs of Shloshim and 12 months-Heard within 12 months from death:[122] By a Shemua Rechoka, one who discovers the death of a relative other than a parent, does not keep any of the Shloshim laws, and hence his mourning period ends after keeping one hour of Shiva. However, one who discovered the death of a parent within 12 months [from the death] is obligated to keep all the laws that apply past Shloshim, such as not to get a haircut until he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance.[123] Likewise, he may not wear ironed clothing until after the first holiday arrives after Shloshim, and the passing of Shiur Gearah [see Chapter 23 Halacha 10]. Likewise, he is not to be greeted by others, or participate in a meal and joyous event, just as is done throughout the 12 months. The 12 months in this regard is calculated from the day of death[124] and not from the day he was informed. [Thus, if one was informed of the death six months after it occurred, he is to keep the above laws for 6 months.]

Customs of Shloshim and 12 months-Heard after 12 months from death:[125] One who discovered the death of a parent after 12 months [from the death] is only obligated to keep one hour[126] of Shiva [as stated above] and does not keep Shloshim or any of the other laws. [However, by other relatives who passed away, some Poskim rule he does not even need to keep an hour of Shiva, once 12 months have passed.[127]]

Keriah by a Shemua Rechoka:[128] If one heard of the passing and burial of a relative that is not a parent, only after thirty days [from the death, i.e. Shemua Rechoka], he is not allowed to perform Keriah.[129] If, however, one heard of the passing of a parent, one remains obligated to perform Keriah upon discovering the news of their passing, irrelevant of how much time passed in the interim. [The Keriah only needs to be performed on the clothing that he is currently wearing at the time of discovery, and does not have to be performed on clothing that he changes into later on.[130]]

Seudas Havraah[131] If one only heard of the death after thirty days from the death [i.e. Shemua Rechoka] then he is not to be served a Seudas Havraah.

Discovered on Shabbos or Yom Tov: See Halacha E!

 Q&A May one recite the blessing of Baruch Dayan Haemes by Shemua Kerova/Rechoka?[132] The blessing is to be recited at the time he receives knowledge of the passing. This applies even if thirty days have passed from the death and burial [i.e. Shemua Rechoka] and even if a full year has passed. If one did not say the blessing right away, the blessing may be said until he no longer feels pain for the death.[133] However, some[134] say that by a Shemua Rechoka one may only say the blessing for the first 24 hours. If one discovered the death within thirty days, but did not practice Aveilus until thirty days have passed from the death, what is the law?[135] If thirty days have passed from the time of being informed, then he does not keep Shiva or Shloshim. If he is still within thirty days of being informed, then it is debated amongst Poskim as to whether he is obligated to mourn Shiva and Shloshim.

### D. Informed of death and unsure as to when the death occurred:

If one was informed of the death of a relative and was not informed as to the date of the death, then some Poskim[136] rule that if it is possible that the relative passed away within thirty days of him being informed, then he is to keep Shiva and Shloshim, as is the rule by a Shemua Kerova. Other Poskim[137], however, rule that one does not need to keep Shiva and Shloshim and is to treat it as a Shemua Rechoka. Practically, we follow the lenient opinion that Shiva and Shloshim is not kept, and rather the laws of Shemua Rechoka are to be followed.[138] [Nevertheless, one must do all in his power to verify the time of death.[139]]

Informed of death thinking is Rechoka and then discovered was Kerova after Shloshim: If one was informed of the death of a relative and did not keep Shiva/Shloshim under the premises that it was already a Shemua Rechoka and then discovered that it was a Shemua Kerova, some Poskim[140] rule that he is now obligated to keep Shiva and Shloshim, even if thirty days have already passed. Other Poskim[141], however, rule that he does not need to mourn Shiva/Shloshim even in such a case, and so is the final ruling.

### E. Informed of death and burial on Shabbos or Yom Tov:

Shemua Kerova:[142] If one became informed of the death and burial of a relative on Shabbos or Yom Tov, then if it is a Shemua Kerova [i.e. it is within thirty days from the death], then he is to practice all the laws of Shiva relevant to Shabbos and Yom Tov for the rest of that day. [see Chapter 20 for the full details of the Shiva laws relevant to Shabbos.] This Shabbos counts as the first day of Shiva [and Shloshim]. At the conclusion of Shabbos, he is to perform Keriah, and continue his count of Shiva until Friday, which is the seventh and last day of Aveilus.[143] [However, regarding Yom Tov the rule is as follows:[144] In the Diaspora, the second day of the last days of Yom Tov also counts as the first day of Shiva. However, in Eretz Yisrael, Yom Tov never counts as part of Shiva, unlike the ruling here regarding Shabbos, and a full seven days of Shiva is kept. See Chapter 27 Halacha 5 for the full details of this law.]

Shemua Rechoka:[145] If one became informed of the death and burial of a relative on Shabbos or Yom Tov, then if it is a Shemua Rechoka [i.e. it is past 30 days from the time of death], then he does not need to keep any laws of mourning that Shabbos or Yom Tov. After Shabbos or Yom Tov, he is to mourn for one hour, as stated above in C!

Shabbos or Yom Tov is the 30th day:[146] If one became informed of the death and burial of a relative on Shabbos or Yom Tov, and Shabbos or Yom Tov is the 30th day [from death], then it is treated as a Shemua Rechoka, and he is to only sit one hour[147] of mourning after Shabbos and Yom Tov.[148] Nonetheless, he is to practice all the Shiva laws relevant to Shabbos and Yom Tov for the rest of that day of Shabbos/Yom Tov.[149]

Shemua Kerova and Shabbos is Erev Yom Tov:[150] If one became informed of the death and burial of a relative on Shabbos which is Erev Yom Tov, within 30 days of the death, then he is to keep all the laws of Shiva relevant to Shabbos for the rest of that day of Shabbos, and the Yom Tov then nullifies the rest of Shiva. Hence, after Yom Tov he no longer needs to continue sitting Shiva.

### F. Informed of death and burial after Davening Maariv during Plag Hamincha:[151]

If one Davened an early Maariv and then became informed of the death [and burial] while it is still daytime, then if it’s a Shemua Kerova [i.e. within 30 days from death] he begins counting Shiva from the next day, and that day does not count as part of Shiva.[152] [If, that day is the 30th day from death, then although regarding the start Shiva we count from that night, it is not considered like a Shemua Rechoka, and hence Shiva and Shloshim must be kept.[153]]

## 9. One who transgressed and did not keep Shiva:[154]

An Avel who did not keep Shiva is required to do so anytime within the Shloshim.[155] This applies whether he transgressed purposely or by mistake. [This applies even though he was aware of the passing and burial at the time that it occurred. This applies irrelevant of the relation that he shares with the deceased, whether he is the son, daughter, parent or sibling. Regarding whether if he is to perform Keriah-see Chapter 6 Halacha 1D. In the event that he kept Shiva after the official Shiva, he nevertheless keeps Shloshim from thirty days from the burial.]

If one kept some days of Aveilus but did not keep seven days:[156] The above only applies if one did not keep Shiva at all throughout all seven days of Shiva, if however, he observed some days of Shiva while other days he belittled [and did not observe Aveilus[157]], he is not required to make up those days. Thus, for example, if he did not observe the first day of Shiva, and began observing from day two, he nevertheless counts the seven days from day one.[158] Likewise, if one began sitting Shiva and for whatever reason stopped keeping Aveilus within Shiva, he is not required to make up the missed days after Shiva.[159]

## 10. Chasan and Kallah-When to sit Shiva if relative died right before or after the wedding:[160]

### A. Relative died prior to the wedding:[161]

All relatives, other than father of the Chasan or mother of the of the Kallah, passed away: If the mother of the Chasan, or father of the Kallah, or any other relative which requires mourning[162], passed away before a wedding, then the wedding is to be delayed until the body is buried and the Shiva is completed. This applies even if the death occurred very close to the time of the wedding and rescheduling the wedding will cause a great loss.[163] [This applies even if the death took place after the Badekin.[164]] The burial is to take place right away and not be delayed. Immediately after the burial and Shiva the couple may get married and have the Sheva Brachos.

Father of the Chasan, or mother of the Kallah, passed away:[165] If the father of the Chasan passed away, then if all[166] the food for the wedding had already been cooked and prepared and it is not possible to sell the food and avoid a great loss[167], then the burial is delayed until after the Chuppah and Beilas Mitzvah.[168] Likewise, if the mother of the Kallah passed away and delaying the wedding will cause her a monetary loss of her makeup and ornaments which was already prepared[169], then the burial is delayed until after the Chuppah and the Beilas Mitzvah. [The above only applies if the deceased was not yet buried. If, however, the father/mother was already buried prior to the Chuppah, then they must begin Shiva immediately and delay the wedding until after the Shiva.[170] Likewise if the parent was buried after the Chuppah, but prior to the Beilas Mitzvah, then it is forbidden for them to have the Beilas Mitzvah until after the Shiva, and accordingly some Poskim[171] rule that they are to begin Shiva immediately.] After the initial marital relations of Beilas Mitzvah [in the permitted case above], the Chasan and Kallah separate from each other and are forbidden to have marital relations again [even prior to the burial[172]] until after the Shiva [which is two weeks later, as explained next]. [See Halacha C for the full detailed laws of intimacy and Yichud to be followed by the Chasan and Kallah throughout these two weeks.] After the wedding, the funeral/burial is to take place[173] [with the attendance of the Chasan/Kallah, if they desire[174]], and the Chasan and Kallah practice the seven days of Sheva Brachos. It is permitted for them to [rejoice[175] and] get a haircut and launder their clothing during all seven days.[176] [See Halacha B in Q&A for further details!] After the seven days of Sheva Brachos has ended, the Chasan or Kallah keep the seven days of Shiva. Nonetheless, throughout all the days of Sheva Brachos they are to keep the discreet laws of Aveilus that are kept during the Shabbos of Shiva.[177] The Shloshim is counted starting from the first day of Shiva [and not from the day of burial].[178] All the above only applies if one cannot avoid a great loss if the wedding is rescheduled, if however, it is possible to sell the food and avoid the loss, then it is forbidden to delay the burial and Shiva, and rather the wedding is to be delayed and rescheduled. [Practically, today the custom is to cancel the wedding in all cases that a relative has died, including a father or mother of the Chasan or Kallah.[179]]

 Summary: If a relative of the Chasan or Kallah which requires mourning passed away before the wedding, then the wedding is to be delayed until the body is buried and the Shiva is completed. The custom is to apply this ruling even if the father of the Chasan, or mother of the Kallah, passed away.   Q&A A word of advice-Not to inform the Chasan and Kallah and other relatives:[180] In the event that a relative of the Chasan, Kallah or their parents, passed away right before the wedding, it is permitted, and encouraged, not to inform them of the death, and to delay the burial until after the wedding. The Chasan, Kallah, and all relatives are permitted to participate in the wedding celebration so long as they are not aware of the death. Those who inform them of the news, on him it says “Motzi Diba Hu Kesil/One who spreads bad news is a fool.” A word of advice by a deathly ill relative: In the event that one is told that a relative of the Chasan/Kallah is on his last breaths, they are to hasten the Chuppah and Beilas Mitzvah as soon as possible, in order so the wedding not be delayed, and the Sheva Brachos take place on time.[181] [If, however, the Goses is a parent of the Chasan or Kallah, then it is improper to have the Beilas Mitzvah prior.[182]] The doctors and other relatives are to be informed not to notify the relatives who are attending the wedding of the death, until the wedding is over. May the Chasan and Kallah get married during the Shiva, if delaying the wedding will cause a great loss? In the event that a relative of the Chasan or Kallah passed away before the wedding, the wedding must be postponed even in a case of great loss.[183] [If however the Chasan’s father, or Kallah’s mother passed away and the burial had to take place before the wedding, some Poskim[184] rule they may get married during the Shiva if delaying the wedding further will cause a great loss. Other Poskim[185] however rule it is forbidden to make the wedding during Shiva even in such a case.]

### B. Relative died during Sheva Brachos:[186]

Marital relations have already taken place:[187] If a relative passed away and was buried during the seven days of Sheva Brachos, and the couple already had marital relations, then the Chasan and Kallah are to complete the Sheva Brachos. After the seven days of Sheva Brachos has ended, the Chasan/Kallah is to keep the seven days of Shiva. [The first day of Shiva begins Motzei Sheva Brachos.[188]]

Marital relations have not yet taken place: If a relative passed away and was buried during the seven days of Sheva Brachos, prior to the couple having marital relations, then some Poskim[189] rule that they are to immediately begin Shiva.[190] Other Poskim[191], however, rule that the Chasan and Kallah are to complete the Sheva Brachos, and after the seven days of Sheva Brachos has ended, the Chasan or Kallah keep the seven days of Shiva. According to all, it is forbidden for the couple to have marital relations until after the Shiva.[192] [Practically, the Ashkenazi custom is like the first opinion[193] while the Sephardic custom is like the latter opinion.[194] Nonetheless, even for Ashkenazim, some are accustomed to rule that if the death occurred after several days of Sheva Brachos have been kept, then the Sheva Brachos is to be completed.[195]]

Whenever the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos [in cases stated above in A-B], it is permitted for the Chasan and Kallah to [rejoice[196] and] get a haircut and launder their clothing throughout all seven days of Sheva Brachos.[197] They may likewise cut their nails.[198] Nonetheless, throughout all the remaining days of Sheva Brachos, they are to keep the discreet laws of Aveilus that are kept during the Shabbos of Shiva.[199]

Calculating the Shloshim:[200] The Shloshim is counted starting from the first day of Shiva and not from the day of burial.

Marital relations/Harchakos/Yichud: See Halacha D for the full detailed laws of intimacy and Yichud to be followed by the Chasan and Kallah throughout the remainder of Sheva Brachos and Shiva.

 Q&A Does a Chasan or Kallah keep Aninus prior to the burial if a relative passed away during Sheva Brachos?[201] A Chasan and Kallah do not keep the laws of Aninus during Sheva Brachos. May the Chasan and Kallah decide to forgive their Sheva Brachos and begin Shiva immediately? This matter is disputed amongst Poskim. Some Poskim[202] rule they can forgive their Sheva Brachos and begin Shiva right away. Other Poskim[203], however, rule they cannot forgive their Simcha, and must begin Shiva after Sheva Brachos. If a Yom Tov arrived in middle of the Sheva Brachos, after the death and burial, is the Shiva nullified?[204] In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, and a Yom Tov coincided with the days of Sheva Brachos [i.e. got married a few days before Pesach, Sukkos, Shavuos], then some Poskim[205] rule that the Shiva is nullified due to the Holiday, as is the regular law. Other Poskim[206], however, rule that since they did not actually begin Shiva yet, therefore the Shiva is not nullified by the festival, and the Shiva begins at the conclusion of their Sheva Brachos. Does the law of Gadol Habayis [See Halacha 8A] apply after the Sheva Brachos, when Shiva is begun?[207] Some Poskim[208] rule that the law of Gadol Habayis applies likewise to a case that the Chasan or Kallah will begin Shiva after the Sheva Brachos. Hence, if prior to beginning the Shiva, the Chasan/Kallah travel to the Gadol Habayis, and all the six conditions of Gadol Habayis are fulfilled [see Halacha 8A!] then he joins their count of Shiva, and ends Shiva the same time as them. Other Poskim[209], however, rule that the law of Gadol Habayis does not apply, and he must thus keep a full seven days of Shiva.   Does the Chasan or Kallah perform Keriah during Sheva Brachos?[210] In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, the Chasan or Kallah do not perform Keriah until after the Sheva Brachos, with the start of Shiva.[211] However, some Poskim[212] rule that if the father or mother passed away, then Keriah is performed during the Sheva Brachos.[213] Practically, the directive given is that the Chasan/Kallah do not perform Keriah until after the Sheva Brachos.[214] It, however, may be done in private if the clothing are changed afterwards.[215] When does the Chasan or Kallah recite the blessing of Baruch Dayan Haemes?[216] Even in the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, the blessing of Baruch Dayan Haemes is to be recited during Sheva Brachos, immediately upon discovering the death.[217] However, some are accustomed to delay its recital until the Keriah is performed after Sheva Brachos.   May a Chasan and Kallah participate in the funeral/burial of a relative during the Sheva Brachos? Funeral:[218] A Chasan/Kallah may attend the funeral of a relative during Sheva Brachos.  Burial: Some Poskim[219] rule a Chasan/Kallah may attend the burial of a relative during Sheva Brachos. However, other Poskim[220] rule that they should avoid attending the burial during Sheva Brachos. Kohen: Some Poskim[221] rule that a Chasan who is a Kohen may not defile himself to a deceased relative during Sheva Brachos. May the Chasan/Kallah learn Torah during Sheva Brachos?[222] In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, it is permitted to for the Chasan/Kallah to learn Torah during the Sheva Brachos. May the Chasan get an Aliyah to the Torah during Sheva Brachos?[223] The Chasan may receive an Aliyah to the Torah on Shabbos, as is regularly done. May the Chasan be the Chazan and say Kaddish Yasom during the Sheva Brachos?[224] Yes.   When do the Chasan or Kallah eat the Seudas Havraah?[225] In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, the Chasan or Kallah become obligated in being served the Seudas Havraah on the night after the conclusion of the Sheva Brachos [i.e. Motzei Sheva Brachos].   Are people to be Menachem Avel the Chasan and Kallah during the Sheva Brachos?[226] No. Does the Chasan wear Tefillin on the first day of Shiva?[227] In the event that the Shiva will begin only after the conclusion of Sheva Brachos, the Chasan is to wear Tefillin on the first day of Aveilus with a blessing.

### D. The law of intimacy and Yichud in cases that Shiva is delayed until after the Sheva Brachos:[228]

Marital relations: The Chasan and Kallah are forbidden to have marital relations throughout the Sheva Brachos and Shiva. Thus, in the event that the death occurred before the Chuppah, and the burial was delayed until after the Chuppah and first marital relations [as explained in A] then they must separate after that initial marital relations and are forbidden in marital relations for the next two weeks, until after the Shiva. If the death occurred during the days of Sheva Brachos, then they are forbidden to have marital relations from that day and onwards until after the Shiva.

Yichud-Died during Sheva Brachos:[229] If a Chasan/Kallah became an Avel during their seven days of Sheva Brachos, in which case their Shiva begins after the seven days of Sheva Brachos, then if they already had marital relations prior to starting the Shiva, they follow the same restrictions as all other couples during Shiva. Thus, Yichud is permitted between the couple. If, however, the Chasan or Kallah did not have marital relations during the seven days of Sheva Brachos, prior to entering the Shiva, then they are forbidden in Yichud throughout [the remainder of Sheva Brachos[230] and throughout] the days of Aveilus [i.e. Shiva] whether on Shabbos or Yom Tov. Regarding if Yichud is permitted by day, and how many Shomrim are required at night-see next!

Yichud-Died before wedding:[231] In a case that the Chasan/Kallah became an Avel prior to the Chuppah, and we nevertheless allow the Chuppah and marital relations to take place [see Halacha A], they are forbidden in Yichud from after the marital relations until the end of Shiva, for a total of 14 days.[232] [Some Poskim[233], however, rule that this only applies if the Kallah was a Beula. If, however, she was a Besula, then since in any event she is forbidden due to Nidda, Yichud is permitted. Other Poskim[234], however, are stringent even in such a case to prohibit Yichud.]

Yichud by day, and how many Shomrim required: It is disputed amongst the Poskim as to whether Yichud is forbidden also during the day, or only at night.[235] It is likewise disputed as to whether two Shomrim are required at night to break the Yichud if they are sleeping in the same room/home, or only one suffices.[236] Practically, the custom is to require two Shomrim and have a male and female child[237] sleep with them in the room/home, or have them sleep in separate homes.[238]

Harchakos: In all cases that Yichud is forbidden, some Poskim[239] rule that other forms of Harchakos are also forbidden [even if she is not Nidda], such as pouring wine for him, and making his bed, and washing his face, hands, and feet, and the like. Other Poskim[240] however rule that other forms of Harchakos are permitted, including even hugging and kissing, [so long as she is not a Nidda[241]].

## 11. Yom Tov-When to start and end Shiva if Yom Tov coincides:

*See Chapter 27 Halacha 1 and 3-4 for the full details of this subject! To follow is a mere summary:

Shiva began before Yom Tov: If one began sitting Shiva before Yom Tov and Yom Tov then arrived within the Shiva [i.e. Pesach, Shavuos, Sukkos, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur] then the Shiva becomes nullified by the Yom Tov, and after the Yom Tov one only needs to count the remainder of Shloshim. See Chapter 27 Halacha 1 for the full details of these laws.

Shiva did not begin before Yom Tov: In all cases that the Shiva did not begin before the Holiday and was hence not nullified by the Holiday, then the seven days of Shiva only begins once the Holiday [including Chol Hamoed and the last day/s] is over. This applies whether the burial took place before Yom Tov and one was simply not made aware until Yom Tov, or did not have enough time to begin Shiva, or if the burial took place on Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed. However, in the Diaspora where they keep two days of Yom Tov, the Shiva is counted starting from the last day of Yom Tov, and hence they only count six days of Shiva after Yom Tov concludes. Nonetheless, they do not actually sit Shiva on the last day of Yom Tov, and it is treated like a Yom Tov for all matters. Throughout Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed, the mourners are to keep the discreet laws of mourning that are followed on Shabbos during Shiva. See Chapter 27 Halacha 5A for the full details of these laws.

Buried on last day of Yom Tov: If the deceased was buried by a gentile on the first day/days of Yom Tov, or on Chol Hamoed, then the Shiva does not begin until Yom Tov is over, as stated above. However, if the person died on the second day of Yom Tov in the Diaspora, which is the last day of Yom Tov [i.e. 2nd day of Shavuos, Acharon Shel Pesach, Simchas Torah, with exception to 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah] and the burial took place on that day, then it is disputed amongst Poskim as to whether the relatives who are Biblically required to mourn are to already begin Shiva on that day. Practically, the custom of the world is to never begin sitting Shiva on Yom Tov, even if it is the second day of Yom Tov in the Diaspora, and one of the Biblical relatives died and was buried on that same day. Nonetheless, one does begin counting Shiva from that day, and hence one only practices Shiva for another six days after the Holiday. See Chapter 27 Halacha 5A for the full details of these laws.

## 12. Chol Hamoed-When does Shiva begin if the burial took place on Chol Hamoed:

It is permitted to bury the deceased on Chol Hamoed, and it is forbidden to delay the burial, as explained in Chapter 4 Halacha 2-3B. In such a case, the seven days of Shiva is begun only after Yom Tov [i.e. Motzei Simchas Torah/Motzei Acharon Shel Pesach/Motzei Shavuos/Motzei Rosh Hashanah]. See Chapter 27 Halacha 4 regarding all laws related to a death/burial which took place on Chol Hamoed!

________________________________

[1] See Shulchan Aruch 375; Pnei Baruch Chapter 8; Nitei Gavriel Chapter 133-134

[2] See 375:1; Nitei Gavriel 133:1

[3] Michaber 375:1; 2nd opinion in Tur 375:1; Rabbeinu Tam on Moed Katan 26a; Rosh; Geonim; Chochmas Adam 162:2; Kitzur SHU”A 204:1; All Poskim in next footnote! See Admur 71:1 regarding the end of Aninus

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that Setimas Hagolel, which signifies the start of Shiva, is when the Aron is closed with nails and not later on when the body is buried. [1st opinion in Tur ibid; Rashi Moed Katan 27a as explained in Ramban brought in Tur ibid; See Taz 375:1; Shach 373:11; Beis Yosef 375:2; See Aruch Hashulchan 375:1 who explains that in truth there is no dispute]

[4] Taz 375:1 “So long as the Aron is revealed without any earth on top of it”; Aruch Hashulchan 375:1 “When the Aron can no longer be seen”; Beis Lechem Yehuda 375; Halef Lecha Shlomo Y.D. 318; Kinas Sofrim Hashmatos 318; Nitei Gavriel 133:1 footnote 1; See regarding Aninus for a similar ruling: Admur 71:1 “However, as soon as they begin throwing the earth on the body, they are obligated in Shema”; M”A 71:1; Kitzur SHU”A 196:3; Nitei Gavriel 77:12 [However, see Nitei Gavriel 133:1 footnote 1 that in truth the end of Aninus does not signify the start of Aveilus, as Aninus ends when the earth is begun to be thrown on the grave, while Aveilus begins only when the entire body/casket is covered.] See Daas Torah 396 that the mound made on top of the grave is also included in the completion of burial

[5] Rama 375:1; Michaber 375:6; Rosh 27; Chochmas Adam 162:2; Kitzur SHU”A 204:2; Aruch Hashulchan 375:6; Nitei Gavriel 133:5

[6] Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:1 in name of Derech Chaim; Kitzur SHU”A 204:2; Nitei Gavriel 133:6

[7] Michaber 375:10; 402:9

[8] Michaber 402:9

[9] Michaber 400:1; Mishneh Moed Katan 19a

[10] The reason: As some of the laws of mourning are applicable also on Shabbos, such as private mourning laws. [Michaber ibid]

[11] See Nitei Gavriel 133:7-8

[12] See Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:1 in name of Derech Chaim; Halef Lecha Shlomo Y.D. 318 and Kinas Sofrim Hashmatos 318; See Nitei Gavriel 133 footnote 1

[13] See Halef Lecha Shlomo ibid

[14] Beir Heiytiv 375:11 in name of Maharanach 2:51; Gilyon Maharsha 375; Daas Kedoshim 375; Aruch Hashulchan 375:19

[15] The reason: As the act of returning from the burial is itself considered the start of Aveilus. [Poskim ibid] This is not similar to Yom Tov, in which we rule that one must practice some actual custom of Shiva for it to count and be nullified by Yom Tov, as in such a case it is only one day being nullified, and hence a full practice of Shiva is not necessary. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]

[16] Nitei Gavriel 133:8

[17] Implication of all Poskim in lenient opinion who explicitly write that “Hapichas Pneihem” is considered the start of Shiva and hence if even that he did not do, Shiva does not begin even according to them.

[18] Radbaz 268 Chadashos, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:5, regarding Shemua Kerova; Pnei Yehoshua Y.D. 2:37; Dvar Moshe 1:7; Chochmas Shlomo 375:1; Chaim Bayad 125:71; Gesher Hachaim 19:4-1; Shevet Halevi 6:184; Pnei Baruch 8:10; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 123:13; See Mishmeres Shalom Taf-50 that he questions whether the Avel may wear Tefillin with a blessing on the next day.

[19] The reason: As the state of Bein Hashmashos is a Safek, while the laws of mourning are Rabbinical, and Safek Derabanan Lekula. [Poskim ibid]

[20] Pnei Baruch 8:10 and footnote 3; Nitei Gavriel 133:7

[21] Michaber 375:11 in name of Yeish Mi Shemoer; 402:11 as Stam; Shach 375:16 [unlike Levush]; Taz 402:9; Kitzur SHU”A 204:10

Discovered death after accepting Shabbos: See Tuv Taam Vadaas 2:215; Nitei Gavriel 133:14

[22] Davened Maariv after the burial, prior to starting any of the laws of Shiva while it is still daytime: See Nitei Gavriel 133:7 based on Michaber ibid that he begins counting Shiva from the next day, and that day does not count as part of Shiva; Vetzaruch Iyun, as in the case here, he knew of the death and burial prior to Davening Maariv, and hence perhaps those interim moments can Bedieved be considered the first day of Shiva even if he did not yet do any of the customs. Vetzaruch Iyun, as perhaps this only applies if one was by the burial and left the area, in which case we say that Bedieved Chazaras Panim is considered like accepting Aveilus. If, however, one was at home when he discovered the burial, and then Davened Maariv before doing any customs of Aveilus, then even Bedieved he would lose that day according to Michaber ibid. Vetzaruch Iyun!

[23] See Shach 340:13; Kitzur SHU”A 204:3; Vetzaruch Iyun from Igros Kodesh 6:103 who states that no Poskim rule that there exists a state where one is not an Onen nor an Avel in Shiva, as Shach ibid clearly rules that Aveilus does not yet begin

[24] Michaber 375:3

[25] Michaber 345:7; 375:4-7

[26] Shach 375:6

[27] Michaber 375:7

[28] Shach 375:7 and Taz 375:3 in implication of Michaber ibid who writes “Mayim Sheyeish Lahem Sof”; Rama E.H. 17:5; Beis Yosef 375 in name of Ittur in name of Teshuvos Harif

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that so long as the word of his death has spread, and the relatives give up hope of finding the body, they begin Shiva even though the wife may not yet Halachically remarry. [Rav Haiy and Sherira Gaon, brought in Tur 375, Shach ibid]

[29] See Michaber 375:4; Rosh Moed Katan 56; Mordechai 900; Shach 375:5; Beis Yosef 375; Bach 375; See next sentence and footnotes there

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that in truth according to Rabbeinu Tam [brought in Halacha 1] we never begin Shiva and Shloshim until the earth burial is complete unless one gives up hope of burial, and this is not considered like giving up hope. Rather, the reason why in the case of Rebbe Klunemous they ruled to begin Shiva right away is because they in truth hold like Rashi that the closing of the casket signifies the start of Aveilus. [See Bach 375 in length for how he uses this to answer the seeming contradiction in the Michaber; The Shach ibid negates this explanation]

[30] See Shach ibid

[31] Michaber 375:4 “Although they plan to bury him in the cemetery after the siege is lifted, the closing of the casket is considered like burial in this regard”; Based on story that happened with Rebbe Klunemous Hazakein, brought in Rosh Moed Katan 56, Mordechai 900, Beis Yosef 375:4; Shach 375:5; See however Bach ibid brought in previous footnote

The reason: As once he seals the coffin, it is considered as if he gave up hope of burial, even if he desires to bury the corpse afterwards, as one has no idea if this will become possible, and it is hence as if the coffin is his place of burial. [Shach 375:5, unlike explanation of Bach ibid]

[32] See Michaber 375:5 regarding Harugei Malchus, and the same would apply here

[33] The reason: As it is not common to perform a military operation simply to retrieve a body, and it is likewise filled with danger and possible sin. [See Beis Yosef 375:5; Beis Hillel 375:5]

[34] Michaber 375:7; Taz 375:2 in name of Rebbe Yaakov and Ramban based on story that happened that a Jew’s murdered body was thrown and lost in a river on the 10th of Teves and his son gave up hope before Adar, and the body was then discovered after the Shiva and buried.

[35] See Shach 375:8-9 as rules Michaber 403:1 and 5 regarding Likut Atzamos that all mourning relatives must mourn and not just the sons

[36] Shach 375:9

[37] Chelkas Yaakov 1:32; Gesher Hachaim 16:8-5; Pnei Baruch 8:4

[38] Darkei Chesed 10:6; Nitei Gavriel ibid

[39] See Michaber 375:2; Shach 375:2

[40] Shach 375:1 and 10 in implication of Michaber 375:2 and Rama 375:7; Beis Yosef 375; Ramban; Chochmas Adam 162:5; Kitzur SHU”A 204:2; Nitei Gavriel 133:2

[41] Shach ibid; Ramban; Beis Yosef 375; See Beir Heiytiv 375:1; Nitei Gavriel 133:3 and Q&A below for exact definition

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that as soon as the procession leaves the city, they begin to count Shiva. [See Beir Heiytiv ibid in name of Bahag; Radbaz 4:63 who is lenient on Erev Yom Tov and Erev Shabbos to allow them to begin the Shiva immediately]

[42] See Shach ibid;

[43] Shach ibid; Beir Heiytiv 375:1

[44] See Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:1 in name of Derech Chaim; Tuv Taam Vadaas 2:215; Radbaz 4:63; Chochmas Adam 169:14; Matzeivas Moshe 9; Kitzur SHU”A 204:2; Aruch Hashulchan 341:10; Nitei Gavriel 133:2; 11-12; 119:2; Vol. 2 3:8; See next!

The law if the mourners who stayed home were not informed that the burial took place before Yom Tov and did not begin Shiva: In the event that some relatives went to the funeral/burial within the city, or its outskirts, while others remained home, then some Poskim rule that if the burial ended before Yom Tov, then the Shiva is nullified even for the relatives who stayed home and did not keep Aveilus due to not being informed on time that the burial was complete. [Radbaz 63; Matzeivas Moshe 9; Nitei Gavriel 119:2; Vol. 2 3:8; See Sdei Chemed Aveilus 14] Other Poskim, however, rule that the Aveilus is only nullified in such a case if one kept some laws of Aveilus before night, even though they were unaware at the time if the burial already took place at that time. [See Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:1 in name of Derech Chaim] From other Poskim it is implied that the Aveilus is never nullified. [Shach 375:1; Beir Heiytiv 375:1]

[45] Michaber 375:2; 399:14; Rambam Aveilus 1:5-6

Contradiction from Aninus: Many Poskim rule that the relatives enter into the state of Aninus even if they are in a different city than the deceased and do not plan to attend the burial. [Stam opinion in Admur 71:1 and that so is custom; Michaber 341:1 as explained in Shach 341:5; Taz 71:1; Rosh Brachos 55 and 3:3; Aruch Hashulchan 341:10; See Shulchan Menachem 5:267] This seemingly contradicts the unanimous ruling here that they begin Shiva as soon as they turn their face from the funeral procession. Perhaps, however, one can answer that when one will be attending the funeral, and seeing the deceased go on his journey, then the act of Chazaras Panim is considered like the burial, and that is the Halacha stated here. However, if they are not even attending the funeral, such as if one is in a different country then the person who passed away, then the above Poskim rule that Aninus continues until burial, at which time Shiva begins. [See Meishiv Davar 2:72 who clearly writes this differentiation; Aruch Hashulchan 341:10; See Rebbe in Shulchan Menachem 5:267 who writes that according to Admur ibid he would have had to keep Aninus until the burial; Vetzaruch Iyun as to the logic of this differentiation] The above is only according to these opinions, however, according to the dissenting opinions regarding Aninus, it is possible that even in this case where they will not be attending the funeral or burial the Shiva should begin right away. See Q&A!

[46] See Nitei Gavriel 133:3

[47] As soon as he turns around, to head back from escorting the deceased, he is to remove his shoes and begin the Shiva. Michaber 399:14 writes that as soon as the coffin can no longer be seen outside the city, they are to begin the Shiva.

[48] See Q&A for dispute on this matter and the final ruling is as written here!

[49] See Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:170 that as soon as the plane takes off with the deceased, the Shiva begins.

[50] See Q&A for the dispute on this matter and the final ruling is as written here!

[51] See below regarding Gadol Habayis

[52] See Shach 375:12; Gloss of Rav Akiva Eiger 375:2 based on Shach ibid; Chochmas Adam 162:15; Misgeres Hashulchan 204:1 [unlike Kitzur SHU”A 204 in Lechem Hapanim who negates the Shach ibid for no reason]; Nitei Gavriel 133:9; 11

When do they end Aninus: Seemingly Aninus continues until the actual burial, and it is only the joining of the count with the other relatives that is gained if they plan to return.

[53] Rama 375:7

The reason: As since they were Halachically allowed to begin the Shiva, they no longer have to stop it. [Rama ibid]

[54] Michaber 375:2

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that we do not follow the Gadol Habayis in this matter. [See Kitzur SHU”A 204:3 in Lechem Hapanim]

[55] When does Aninus end for those remaining home? See chapter 3 Halacha 2B for a dispute in this matter! Practically, we rule that the laws of Aninus continue until burial.

[56] Shach 375:3; Raavan p. 38; Aruch Hashulchan 375:10; Nitei Gavriel 134:2

The reason: As it is illogical to suggest that the remaining relatives will stay in limbo without starting Aveilus for so many days until the burial takes place. [Shach ibid]

[57] However, Aninus seemingly continues until the actual burial, and it is only the joining of the count with the other relatives that is gained if he plans to return.

[58] Shach 375:12; Gloss of Rav Akiva Eiger 375:2 based on Shach ibid; Chochmas Adam 162:15-16; Misgeres Hashulchan 204:1 [unlike Kitzur SHU”A 204 in Lechem Hapanim who negates the Shach ibid for no reason]; Nitei Gavriel 133:9; 134:1 that so is the accustomed ruling; 134:5 and 10-11

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the Gadol Habayis is to start the count after burial even in such a case. [See Kitzur SHU”A 204:3 in Lechem Hapanim; So ruled Igros Moshe Y.D. 4:60-5 that only if he is returning to the Gadol Habayis does he count with them. Vetzaruch Iyun!]

[59] Shach 375:2; Beis Yosef 375 in name of Tosfos Moed Katan 22a; Kitzur SHU”A 204:3; Nitei Gavriel 134:4

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that if the family leader will not be attending, then all the relatives are to begin Shiva at the same time as him, even if they will be attending the burial. [Tur 375; Bach 375; Ramban in Toras Hadam p. 47; Rosh Moed Katan based on his version of Yerushalmi; Opinion in Chochmas Adam 162:3; See Shach ibid] Nitei Gavriel 134:4 concludes that one may be lenient like this opinion in a time of need

[60] Michaber ibid; See Pnei Baruch 8 footnote 16 and Nitei Gavriel 133:13-18; 27; 29 and many Poskim in footnote 40 for many details regarding this definition; To note that the concept of Gadol Habayis is also brought in Michaber 375:8 regarding one who traveled to the home of the Gadol Habayis in middle of Shiva, however there the definition is slightly different. [See Halacha 8; Gloss of Rav Akiva Eiger 375:8; Vetzaruch Iyun from Igros Moshe Y.D. 4:60-5 who learns that they have an identical ruling, and hence the Gadol Habayis is only applicable by dependents who are supported by the Gadol Habayis. Vetzaruch Iyun]

[61] Shach 375:4 in name of Rashba; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 133:13-18

[62] Nitei Gavriel 133:4

[63] For general knowledge on this subject see Nitei Gavriel Aveilus chapter 11:3 and chapter 14:2-3; 133:10; 15; Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 3:136; Koveitz Habracha 8 for an answer of Rav Farkash; Shearim Hametzuyanim Behalacha 196:5

Background: The case under discussion in the Michaber 375:2, and throughout this Halacha, is with regards to one who attended the funeral, escorted the deceased relative, and then returned home while the deceased traveled to its destination country for burial. The question is thus asked regarding the law in a case where the relative is not found in the area of the deceased and will hence not be attending neither a funeral or burial, and will not be escorting the deceased. Do we say that in such a case there is no “Chazaras Panim” and hence no basis to begin the Shiva prior to burial, or do we say that it makes no difference? Practically, this matter is dependent on the dispute recorded regarding whether a person is an Onen is such a situation, and if Shiva begins right after Aninus ends, without any limbo period in-between.

[64] Stam opinion in Admur 71:1 and that so is custom [as writes Rebbe in Igros Kodesh 6:103 that in such a case according to Admur ibid one remains an Onen until burial]; Michaber 341:1 as explained in Shach 341:5; Taz 71:1; Rosh Brachos 55 and 3:3; Aruch Hashulchan 341:10 “Practically, we must rule like the Tur and Michaber and therefore if one was informed by telegram of the death of his relative, he remains an Onen until after the estimated time of burial”; See Meishiv Davar 2:72 that the law stated in Michaber 375:2 that one begins Aveilus early if not attending the burial only applies if one escorted the deceased from his city; See Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag ibid

[65] The following Poskim rule this way whenever the needs of the corpse have been handed to another: Michaber 341:3; Bach brought in Shach 341:5; 2nd opinion in Admur 71:1; The following Poskim rule this way whenever the relative is not in the same city as the corpse: 2nd opinion in Admur ibid; Bach 71 and 341 and Rabbeinu Tam, brought in Shach ibid; Ravaya 58; Mordechai Brachos 3; The following Poskim rule this way whenever the relative is both not in the same city as the corpse and others are taking care of the burial needs and he does not plan to attend the funeral: Noda Beyehuda Tinyana 211, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:21; So rules also Kitzur SHU”A 196:4; Yosef Daas 341; M”A 548:8; Imreiy Yosher 1:51; Maharsham 2:260; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 14 p. 3456; Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253; Shevet Halevi 3:168; Cheishev Haeifod 2:152; Sefer Kol Bo [Greenwald]; Rav Pesach Tzvi Frank, brought in Chazon Lamoed; Nitei Gavriel 14:4; 16:2 in Kuntrus; 133:10; 15;

[66] All Poskim brought in footnote regarding final ruling, which include some of the Poskim in previous footnote who explicitly write to begin Shiva; Vetzaruch Iyun if they apply here the law of Gadol Habayis, however, seemingly it should apply

[67] Meishiv Davar 2:72 “It is obvious that one who does not attend the funeral and escort the Meis that he does not begin Aveilus until after the actual burial, unlike the law in Michaber 375:2”; Imreiy Yosher 1:51; Shevet Sofer Y.D. 102, brought in Igros Kodesh 6:103; Pnei Meivin Y.D. 253; Minchas Yechiel 3:78; See Yabia Omer 4:28 that one may follow this opinion in a time of need; Opinions in Nitei Gavriel 133:15 footnote 25

[68] Maharsham 2:26; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 14 p. 3456; Sefer Kol Bo [Greenwald] in name of Maharsham ibid; Teshuvah Shileima 2:20; Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253 “They begin mourning immediately since they will not be traveling with them”; Shevet Halevi 3:168 “The main opinion is to begin Shiva immediately upon receiving knowledge”; Cheishev Haeifod 2:152; Chelkas Yaakov 1:108; Eidus Yisrael 51 that so ruled Rav Henkin; Chazon Lamoed 11 that so ruled Rav Pesach Tzvi Frank; Rebbe in Igros Kodesh 6:103 [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:267 and Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 3:136] where the Rebbe states regarding the passing of his brother in 1952 that “I followed the ruling of the Achronim that one begins Aveilus immediately”; Nitei Gavriel 133:10 and 15 footnote 19  and 26-27 that so rule the Gedolei Haposkim in Eretz Yisrael and the Diaspora; Rav Yaakov Roza, head of Chevra Kadisha in Eretz Hakodesh; So ruled to me Rav Asher Lemel Cohen via Telephone; Rav Yosef Simcha Ginsberg in email answer; See Yabia Omer 4:28

Wearing Tefillin: See Imrei Yosher ibid, Yabia Omer ibid and Nitei Gavriel 133:16 who write not to put on Tefillin until after the burial. However, according to the Chabad custom, one may wear Tefillin even that day, and so was done by the Rebbe. [See Chapter 18 Halacha 3]

[69] Nitei Gavriel 133:157

[70] See Aruch Hashulchan 375:8; Nitei Gavriel 133:10

[71] Implication of Ramban and Tur who omit the time aspect and mention the aspect of Yiush, brought in Beir Heiytiv 375:1; Nimukeiy Yosef; Maharsham 2:260; Aruch Hashulchan 375:8 that in truth knowing the time of the burial is irrelevant, here and the main aspect is that one removes his mind from the burial; Bnei David p. 91, brought in Nitei Gavriel 133 footnote 17; Igros Moshe 1:253; 2:170; Cheishev Haeifod 2:152;

[72] Implication of wording of Michaber 375:2 and Rambam ibid who mention not knowing the time of burial [see Aruch Hashulchan ibid]; Bach 375 explicitly explains that it refers to a case that he does not know the time of burial; Radbaz 4:63; Shut Maharanach printed in Mayim Amukim 52; Matzor Udevash 26 rules that today one is to wait until a wire comes informing of the burial

[73] Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253; 2:170; Shevet Halevi 3:168; Cheishev Haeifod 2:152; Chelkas Yaakov 1:108; Igros Kodesh 6:103 [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:267 and Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 3:136] the Rebbe states that this is what he did in 1952, although not mentioned explicitly that it makes a difference whether one can or cannot attend the Levaya, in the case of the Rebbes answer the Rebbe was unable to attend the Levaya; Nitei Gavriel 133:10 and 15 footnote 19  and 26-27 that so rule the Gedolei Haposkim in Eretz Yisrael and the Diaspora; Rav Yaakov Roza, head of Chevra Kadisha in Eretz Hakodesh; So ruled to me Rav Asher Lemel Cohen via Telephone; Rav Yosef Simcha Ginsberg in email answer; See Yabia Omer 4:28

[74] See Beir Heiytiv 375:1; Nitei Gavriel 133:3-4

[75] Radbaz 4:63, brought in Beir Heiytiv 375:1 [however he is lenient regarding Erev Shabbos, and Erev Haregel that they can start Shiva right away if the burial took place outside the city]; Zera Emes 3:162; Nehar Mitzrayim 82; See Nitei Gavriel 133 footnote 6

[76] See Beir Heiytiv ibid in name of Bahag; Nitei Gavriel 133 footnote 5 and 17 in name of Bnei David p. 91 and Rabbanim of today

[77] This applies even if the Gadol Habayis went to the burial, as he plans to return to the Shiva home where the remaining relatives are. According to this, then not only are the remaining relatives to begin Shiva at that point, but even the relatives who are participating in the burial, begin counting Shiva from after the funeral, as explained in Shach 375:12.

[78] See Nitei Gavriel 133:4

[79] Michaber 375:8; 396:1

[80] See Michaber 375:8-9; Nitei Gavriel 134:6-

[81] Michaber ibid; This excludes the case that the Gadol Habayis traveled to inform the relative, in which case the relative must count his own Shiva. [Rebbe Akiva Eiger 375:8 in name of Rashba]

[82] Shach 375:11; This excludes the case in which the Gadol Habayis lives in a different city than the area of death/burial, in which case he must count his own Shiva in all cases. [Shach 375:11; Kitzur SHU”A 204:5; Nitei Gavriel 134:19; See Dudaeiy Sadeh 31 that this is because only in the area of death/burial is the soul of the deceased found] See, however Nitei Gavriel 134 footnote 7 that the main aspect here is not regarding the area of death or burial, but the area where the Niftar lived, and hence if the deceased lived in the city of the Gadol Habayis, then even if he passed away and was buried elsewhere, the other family members who come to his city and discover the burial follow his count

[83] Definition of family leader: Some Poskim rule that in this regard, a family leader is defined as the bread winner of the family, such as if a son came to his father after hearing of the death of his brother, and this son lives at home with the father. [Rav Akiva Eiger 375:8 in name of Shemesh Tzedaka Y.D. 58] See above Halacha 7; Igros Moshe Y.D. 4:60-5; Nitei Gavriel 133:13-18; 27; 29 and many Poskim in footnote 40

If family leader was not home and later arrived: See Rama 375:8; Shach 375:12; Beir Heiytiv 375:10; Birkeiy Yosef 375

[84] Gesher Hachaim p. 186; Nitei Gavriel 134:7

[85] Michaber ibid; This excludes a case where a) The family leader is not found by the area of the relatives who are in the area of the death or burial, or b) There is no family leader and majority of the relatives are not by the area of burial/death. or c) The family leader himself is the one traveling to the area of the relatives found in the area of death or burial. In all these cases, the arriving relative counts Shiva on his own. [See Shach 375:12; Beir Heiytiv 375:10; Nitei Gavriel 134:7; 27]

[86] Such as he began to travel to the burial area after hearing of the death, and did not yet begin Aveilus until he arrived there and was informed that the burial already took place; Certainly, this applies if he was only informed of the death after already beginning his travel. See next footnote!

[87] Michaber 375:8; This excludes the case in which the relative discovered the death, and already began Aveilus, prior to arriving to the city of the burial/family leader in which case he counts Shiva on his own, from the time of his discovery. [Michaber 375:9; Shach 375:12; Beir Heiytiv 375:10]

The law if he heard of the death but did not yet begin Aveilus until arrival: See Nitei Gavriel 134:6 footnote 8 and 134:9 for many Poskim who rule the main thing is that he did not yet begin the mourning customs prior to arrival, even if he already discovered the death prior to arriving to Gadol Habayis or area of burial. Thus, if he heard of the death before he went out for travel, and then traveled to the area of the Gadol Habayis, then if he did not yet perform any of the Aveilus customs due to travel and due to not being informed of the burial, he may begin to count with Gadol Habayis. Certainly, this applies if he was only informed of the death after already beginning his travel. Some Poskim, however, argue on this assertion and rule that he must first hear of the death in the area of the burial to be allowed to join their count. Practically, we rule like the former approach to be lenient by Aveilus and allow the arriving relative to join the count of the relatives found in the area of death even if he already heard of the death beforehand, so long as he did not yet begin Aveilus. See Nitei Gavriel ibid!

[88] See Kitzur SHU”A 204:5

Must one inform the relative of the death and burial prior to his arrival if he can do so? See Peri Hasadeh 1:11 and Nitei Gavriel 134:28 that one may delay informing the relative even until the last day and so is the custom of many, in order to save him from needing to keep a full seven days of Shiva

[89] See Nitei Gavriel 134 footnote 13 that it is questionable whether we follow his location at the time of death or at the time of burial.

[90] Michaber ibid; This excludes the case in which he is more than a day’s distance of travel from the relatives who are found in the area of death/burial, in which case he is to count Shiva on his own. [Michaber 375:9; Shach 375:12; Beir Heiytiv 375:10]

Definition of day’s distance: The definition of nearby is 10 Parsaos [Michaber 375:8], which is 8000 Amos. [Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:4]; However, see Nitei Gavriel 134:8 footnote 13 in name of many Poskim that in today’s times that we travel by car, train and plane, we no longer follow the ten Parsa distance in this regard, but rather if one can potentially arrive within one day of the available routes of travel. In light of the worlds current travel speed, this would virtually include within the one-day distance almost all areas of the world. Other Poskim, however, argue and rule that we always follow the ten Parsa distance even if one can arrive within one day through other means. Practically, we rule like the former approach to be lenient by Aveilus and allow the arriving relative to join the count of the relatives found in the area of death if it is a day’s distance of travel by plane, and the other conditions are fulfilled. [Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[91] See Michaber ibid “Even if he arrives on the seventh day”

[92] Michaber ibid; See Nitei Gavriel 133:21-25

[93] Rama 375:8; Kitzur SHU”A 204:5; See Nitei Gavriel 133:26

[94] See Peri Hasadeh 1:11 and Nitei Gavriel 134:28 that one may delay informing the relative even until the last day and so is the custom of many

[95] See Michaber 402:1; Moed Katan 20a; Pnei Baruch 26; Nitei Gavriel volume 2 chapter 38

[96] See end of this Halacha!

[97] Michaber 402:1; Moed Katan 20a; Chochmas Adam 171:1; Kitzur SHU”A 206:1

[98] Rama ibid; Shach 402:5

[99] Michaber ibid

[100] Rama 376:4; Maharil

[101] Michaber 340:18; 402:4; Moed Katan 20b; See Nitei Gavriel Volume 2 38:2 regarding a child below Bar Mitzvah and below Chinuch

[102] Shach 340:27

[103] See Halacha C in Q&A!

[104] Michaber 378:12 and 402:3 regarding Shemua Rechoka; Mordechai and Nimukei Yosef in Moed Katan; Beir Hagoleh 402:3 in name of Rosh regarding Shemua Kerova

[105] Taz 402:1; Shach 388:1; Beis Yosef 402 in name of Ramban; Nekudos Hakesef 402 in implication of Michaber 402:2; Masas Binyamin 82

[106] Shach 402:5 in name of Derisha and Bach 399 in name of Rashal; Taz 402:6 that we follow the day of death; Shvus Yaakov 2:100; Elya Raba 548; P”M 548 M”Z 5; Chochmas Adam 171:6; Mahariy Asad 371; Gesher Hachaim p. 264; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 62:3 and Volume 2 38:4 and his final conclusion is to be lenient; Rebbe in Igros Kodesh 6:103 [brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:267] writes that so is the directive of the Rebbe Rayatz to follow the day of death by a Shemua Rechoka

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that we follow the day of burial for a Shemua Rechoka. [Shach in Nekudos Hakesef 402 based on Rabbeinu Yerucham 28:2 argues on the ruling of Rashal that he quoted in Shach 402:5, and concludes with a Tzaruch Iyun; Degul Mirivava 402; Mahariy Viyal 16; Pnei Yehoshua 9; Kitzur SHU”A 206:1; Aruch Hashulchan 402:10; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 38 footnote 12; See Rama 376:4 in name of Maharil that regarding laws of precedence of Kaddish and Chazan, the Shloshim is counted from the day of burial.]

[107] Michaber 402:1; See Perisha 402; See Nitei Gavriel Volume 2 38:6 regarding if he heard the news by Bein Hashmashos

[108] Michaber Y.D. 402:8; O.C. 548:20; Shach 402:5

[109] Michaber 395:1; Rebbe Akiva Moed Katan 20a

[110] See previous Halacha!

[111] Chasam Sofer Y.D. 199; Aruch Hashulchan 402:2; Gesher Hachaim p. 218; Nitei Gavriel 2 39:1; See Chaim Bayad 125:29 who writes a half hour

[112] See Michaber ibid that it applies even after 12 months

[113] See Nitei Gavriel 2 39:16 for dispute in Poskim

[114] Michaber 402:2

[115] Chochmas Adam 171:2; Kitzur SHU”A 206:3; Gesher Hachaim 24:2; Nitei Gavriel 2 39:2

[116] See Chapter 19 Halacha 11I for definition

[117] See Chapter 19 Halacha 3 for definition

[118] Vetzaruch Iyun if he is wearing shoes but they are not made of leather

[119] Chochmas Adam 171:2; Kitzur SHU”A 206:3; Gesher Hachaim 24:2; Nitei Gavriel 2 39:2

[120] It suffices to do any one of these actions, and one is not required to do all three, as stated above. [Michaber ibid

[121] Michaber ibid; [Vetzaruch Iyun if he may even initially put them on, however see Shach 402:2 in reason, who implies he may even put them on.]

The reason: As it is permitted to wear Tefillin during Shiva [past the first day] and the status of the one hour of Shemua Rechoka is certainly not more stringent than day two of Shiva. [Shach 402:2 in name of Ramban]

[122] Michaber 402:1 as explained in Taz 402:2

[123] Is Gearah valid in this case if he is within thirty days of being informed? This matter is disputed amongst Poskim. See Kneses Hagedola 402; Gilyon Maharsha 402:1; Rav Akiva Eiger 402; Nitei Gavriel 2 39:4

[124] Michaber ibid; See Nitei Gavriel 2 39:17 for dispute in Poskim if it is counted from day of death or day of burial

[125] Michaber 402:1 as explained in Taz 402:2; Maharam Merothenberg Semachos Nun

[126] See Taz 402:3; Shach 402:1; Ramban; Michaber 548

[127] See Nitei Gavriel 2 39:16 for dispute in Poskim

[128] Michaber 340:18; 402:4; Moed Katan 20b; See Nitei Gavriel 2 39:9-11

[129] Michaber ibid that one is not to do Keriah; Rama 402:4 that it is forbidden to be stringent and do so; Or Zarua; Kitzur SHU”A 195:3; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 54:1

[130] Shach 340:27

[131] Michaber 378:12 and 402:3 regarding Shemua Rechoka; Mordechai and Nimukei Yosef in Moed Katan; Beir Hagoleh 402:3 in name of Rosh regarding Shemua Kerova

[132] Nitei Gavriel 63:9, in name of Gesher Hachaim 24:2-3, and in volume 2 38:2; 39:10; Pnei Baruch 26:22

[133] See Birchas Habayis 31:5

[134] Gesher Hachaim 24:2-3; Nitei Gavriel 2 39:10

[135] See Nitei Gavriel 2 38:13

[136] Shach 397:1 and in Nekudos Hakesef 397; Bach 397; Maharam Mintz 95 [as writes Shach 397:1, although Taz 397:2 writes that he leaves the matter in question]; Teshuvas Mahariy Ben Lev 2:72; Yerios Haohel 38; Radbaz 1:302; Chadashos 62; Yad Eliyahu 44; Bechos Shur Moed Katan 20b; Poskim brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 397:1; See Poskim in gloss of Rav Akiva Eiger 397

[137] Taz 397:2 in great length; Chacham Tzevi 33; Yad Avraham 397 in name of Birkeiy Yosef; See Poskim brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 397:1; Poskim in Gilyon Maharsha 397

[138] See Mishmeres Shalom Samech 33; Sdei Chemed 13; Nitei Gavriel Volume 2 38:12

[139] Shevet Halevi 10:213; Nitei Gavriel ibid

[140] Maharam Mintz 95 leaves this matter in question, brought in Shach and Taz ibid; Shach 397:1 in the he printed version writes that one is to mourn, however the correct version should read “does not have to mourn” [Nekudos Hakesef 397; Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[141] Taz 397:2 in end; Nekudos Hakesef 397 and that so should have been written in Shach ibid, and it was a misprint

[142] Michaber Y.D. 402:5 and 7; O.C. 548:17; See also Y.D. 399:1

[143] Michaber Y.D. 402:7; O.C. 548:19

Other opinion: Some Poskim rule that Shabbos does not count as the first day, and he is to begin counting Shiva/Shloshim from Sunday, or from after Yom Tov. [Taz 402:5 and Tur 402 in name of Rav Yechiel; See Taz 402:4 in name of Rashal]

[144] See Michaber O.C. 548:2; Y.D. 399:2

[146] Michaber 402:5; Rashba

[147] Michaber ibid “one day”; Taz 402:4 “meaning one hour”

[148] The reason: As since he did not keep a recognized form of Aveilus during the Shloshim, therefore, it is considered a Shemua Rechoka. Now, although he kept Aveilus on Shabbos/Yom Tov for Devarim Shebetzina, nevertheless, this is not enough of an act of mourning to trigger the start of Shiva to be on Shabbos, within the Shloshim. [Taz 402:4; Beis Yosef 402 in name of Rashba]

[149] Michaber ibid; Ramban; See Taz 402:4 for reason these laws must be kept the entire day

[150] Michaber Y.D. 402:10; 399:1; O.C. 548:17

[151] Michaber 375:11 in name of Yeish Mi Shemoer; 402:11 as Stam; Shach 375:16 [unlike Levush]; Taz 402:9; Kitzur SHU”A 204:10

[152] The reason: As it is considered Tarti Desasri to both Daven Maariv and count that day as Shiva after Maariv was prayed. [Taz 402:7]

Tefillin on first day: See Nitei Gavriel Volume 2 38:10 for dispute if Tefillin worn. Practically, the Chabad custom is to always wear it even on first day, as explained in Chapter 18 Halacha 3.

[153] Taz 402:7

[154] Michaber 396:1; Tur in name of Raavad; Based on Moed Katan 20a; Pnei Baruch 25:1

If one was sick and did not keep Shiva and is now healthy within Shloshim-must he/she now keep Shiva: See Pnei Baruch 25:3 footnote 6-7 and Nitei Gavriel 113:18 footnote 35 [brought in Chapter 12 Halacha 3] for a dispute in Poskim of this matter. Practically, if the person kept some matters of Aveilus during the Shiva, it is valid and he:/she is not required to make it up. Regarding if the Regel is Mivatel Aveilus for such a person-see Poskim ibid.

[155] See Pnei Baruch ibid footnote 1; Tiferes Lemoshe 396

[156] Michaber 396:2; Tur 396 in name of Rosh Teshuvah 27; Shach 340:40 and 402:4; Radbaz 521, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 396:1; Pnei Baruch 25:2; See Gilyon Maharsha 396; Igros Moshe 3:155

Must one keep at least majority of the days of Shiva? See Pnei Baruch ibid footnote 4 for a dispute in Poskim of this matter. See Nitei Gavriel 113 footnote 33 in name of Poskim that even if he only kept Shiva for one moment it suffices.

[157] See Pnei Baruch ibid and Nitei Gavriel ibid that some Poskim rule he must keep at least some Aveilus on those days that he belittled the Aveilus, and that he must have kept all the laws of Aveilus on the days that he did not belittle.

[158] Michaber and Poskim ibid; See however Igros Moshe 3:155

[159] Shach 340:40 in name of Ramban and Tur although he concludes “This matter requires research”

[160] See Michaber 342 and 383:1; Kesubos 3b-4a; Pnei Baruch 30

[161] Michaber 343:1; Kesubos 4a

[162] See Chapter 12 for a list of all relatives who require mourning and the cases in which mourning is not required [i.e. infant, non-religious, etc]

[163] The reason: As the Sages did not allow delaying the Shiva, if the Chasan and Kallah have other relatives available who can reorganize the delayed wedding. [Michaber ibid]

[164] Taz 342:1

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that if the Badekening already took place, then one may continue with the Chuppah and Sheva Brachos, and practice Shiva after the seven days of Sheva Brachos. [Derisha 342, brought and negated by Taz ibid] Even according to this opinion, this only applies if the Chasan did the Badekening. [Degul Mirivava 342]

The law if after the Sheva Brachos it will turn into a Shemua Rechokah: See Darkei Hachaim 7:5; Nitei Gavriel 2 38:16

[166] See Shach 342:1 that this is not literal, to mean all the foods, but rather enough foods or dishes to cause a loss. This is unlike Bach 342 who requires all the foods to have already been prepared.

[167] If, however, it is possible to sell the food and avoid the loss, then it is forbidden to delay the burial and Shiva, and rather the wedding is to be delayed and rescheduled. [Michaber ibid]

[168] The reason: Although we do not delay the burial/Shiva just in order to avoid a monetary loss, nevertheless, in this case it is allowed, as since the father of the Chasan has passed away he will not have anyone else available to help him in return to prepare for the wedding. [See Rama ibid]

If another relative also passed away: The above rule applies even if another relative also passed away, such as a relative of the Kallah. [See Pischeiy Teshuvah 342:2]

[169] The loss refers to loss of her ornaments and makeup which was already prepared and thus cannot have its use delayed, as by this form of loss, the Kallah whose mother has just died will not have anyone to do these preparations for her. [Rama ibid]

[170] See Shach 342:2 in name of Ramban in Toras Habayis p. 24; Taz 342:2

The reason: As the Sages only allowed the Chuppah and Beilas Mitzvah to take place during the period of Aninus, and to then delay the Aveilus of Shiva, but not for it to take place during the period of Shiva which is more severe. [Shach ibid; Taz ibid]

[171] Taz 342:1; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2 in name of Rosh, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that they are to first keep the seven days of Sheva Brachos, and only then keep Shiva. [Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2 in name of Maharitz Geios and other Poskim, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342]

[172] Shach 342:3 in name of Ramban

[173] See Michaber ibid that the deceased is brought to the room and only afterwards is he buried

[174] See Shvus Yaakov 2:102 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 242:2

[175] See Shach 342:4

[176] Michaber 343:1; See Shach 342:4 that this applies even on the first day as the main ruling follows the Poskim who rule that the first day is Rabbinical

Other opinions: According to those Poskim who rule that the first day of Aveilus is Biblical, it is forbidden to do actions of Simcha on the first day if it is both the day of death and burial. [See Shach ibid; Taz 342:1 suspects for this opinion]

[177] Michaber ibid “Devarim Shebitzina”; See Chapter 20 for the full details of this matter.

[178] Michaber ibid; See Shach 342:10

[179] Shach in Nekudos Hakesef 342; Rashal Kesubos 4; Beir Heiytiv 342:3; Chasam Sofer 348 that so is custom today of all; Pischeiy Teshuvah 342:2; Chochmas Adam 154:3; Kitzur SHU”A 213:3; Aruch Hashulchan 342:5; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:1; See Chochmas Adam 140

The reason: As today there are always other relatives and friends available to help the couple with the wedding, and hence the loss of the father or mother will not cause the wedding to be delayed indefinitely. [Shach ibid]

[180] See Michaber 402:12; Nitei Gavriel 16:25 and Nessuin 111:6; Chapter 12 Halacha 2

[181] Chochmas Adam 154:5; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:5

[182] Chochmas Adam ibid based on Sefer Chassidim 744

[183] Taz 392:5 in name of Rabbeinu Tam that we never allow an Avel to marry during the Shiva even if the needs of the wedding have already been prepared and delaying it will cause a great loss

[184] Meir Nesivim 79, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 392:6

[185] Tuv Taam Vadaas Gimel 245 vehemently negates this allowance; Many Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 15:1 footnote 1 and so he concludes; See Pnei Baruch 32 footnote 7; Igros Moshe 227

[186] See Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 22:2, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342:1

The law by an Alman and Almana: See Rav Akiva Eiger 342 who implies that perhaps they always finish their Sheva Brachos; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:10 footnote 16

[187] Taz 342:1 [see also Taz 399:2]; Rav Akiva Eiger 342; Degul Mirivava 342; Rambam 11:7; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2 in name of bother sets of Poskim, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342, implies that all the Poskim agree that when relations have taken place, all they are to first complete the Sheva Brachos before sitting Shiva; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:8

[188] See Kneses Hagedola 342; Daas Kedoshim 342:3; Har Tzevi Y.D. 265; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 114:8

[189] Taz 342:1; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2 in name of Rosh, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342; Chochmas Adam 155:3; Kitzur SHU”A 213:3-4; Siddur Yaavetz; Darkei Hachaim 5:13; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:2 footnote 3

Is there a difference between the first day of Sheva Brachos versus the other days according to this opinion: Some learn that if the death occurred a few days into Sheva Brachos, then the Sheva Brachos is to be completed even according to this opinion. [See Gesher Hachaim ibid; Mayim Rabim 60; Kesav Sofer ibid; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:2 footnote 5]

[190] The reason: As a) It is unfair to the Kallah to push off the first marital relations, known as Beilas Mitzvah, for the remainder of Sheva Brachos and Shiva. [Taz ibid]; b) The festival status of the Sheva Brachos do not begin until after the Beilas Mitzvah, and hence since it did not yet begin, they cannot delay the Shiva. [Rosh ibid]

[191] Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2 in name of Maharitz Geios and other Poskim, brought in Nekudos Hakesef 342; Derisha 342, brought in Taz ibid [regarding if Badekening was done, and certainly if Chuppah was done]; Kneses Hagedola 342:9; Peri Chadash 342; Zekan Aaron 100; Yaavetz 176; Zera Emes 2:149; Chaim Bayad 108; Kesav Sofer 176 in name of his father the Chasam Sofer; Yabia Omer 6:34; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 11:2 footnote 4

[192] See Taz ibid; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 216; See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 111:3

[193] Gesher Hachaim 19:7; Gavriel Nissuin 111:2 footnote 4

[194] Yabia Omer ibid; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 111:2 footnote 5

[195] See Gesher Hachaim ibid; Mayim Rabim 60; Kesav Sofer ibid; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 111:2 footnote 5

[196] See Shach 342:4

[197] Michaber 343:1; See Shach 342:4 that this applies even on the first day as the main ruling follows the Poskim who rule that the first day is Rabbinical; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 113:6 adds that they may also cut their nails

Other opinions: According to those Poskim who rule that the first day of Aveilus is Biblical, it is forbidden to do actions of Simcha on the first day if it is both the day of death and burial. [See Shach ibid; Taz 342:1 suspects for this opinion]

[198] Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 113:6

[199] Michaber ibid “Devarim Shebitzina”; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:5; See Chapter 20 for the full details of this matter; This is with exception to Torah learning, as stated in Q&A!

[200] Michaber ibid; See Shach 342:10

Relative was buried on Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed: If the passing occurred during Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed then the general rule is that although the Shiva is begun only after the Yom Tov, the Shloshim is begun from the day of burial. Nevertheless, this is with exception to a Chasan/Kallah who begin it only after they complete Sheva Brachos, and not from the day of burial. [Taz O.C. 548:2 and Y.D. 399:2 in negation of Masas Binyamin; Kitzur SHU”A 219:8; M”B 548:27; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 114:1]

[201] Nitei Gavriel 13:5 in name of Ritva and Shita Mekubetzes Kesubos 3b and Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:9; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 216; Gesher Hachaim 19:7; 2:15-3; Unlike ruling brought in name of Rav Moshe Feinstein.

[202] Igros Moshe 226; See Taz 342:1; Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:11 footnote 17

[203] Pnei Yehoshua 2:40; Rav Poalim 4:39; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Nessuin 111:11 footnote 18

[204] See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 114:2

[205] Kneses Hagedola Likkutim in name of Eidus Beyaakov 11, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 342; Mechzeh Avraham 16:29; China Vichisda 1 p. 56; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 184; Mishmeres Shalom Ches 52; Yabia Omer 6:34

[206] Rav Akiva Eiger 342 questions ruling of Poskim ibid and concludes with Tzaruch Iyun; Zera Emes 2:149; Darkei Noam 1:8; Rav Poalim Y.D. 4:39; Gesher Hachaim 19:7

[207] See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 114:3

[208] Sdei Chemed Aveilus 75 and 216; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 8

[209] Tuv Taam Vadaas Telisah 2:238; Yosef Daas Y.D. 375:5; Beis Shlomo 2:221; Eretz Tzvi Teumim Y.D. 59; Beis David Y.D. 176; Chaim Bayad 118

[210] See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:1

[211] Maharil Nessuin; Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 342:4; Beis Lechem Yehuda 342; Zera Emes 2:149; Chochmas Adam 154:4; Kitzur SHU”A 213 in Lechem Hapanim; Yifei Laleiv 342:8; Mishmeres Shalom Kuf 87

[212] Sheilas Yaavetz 2:185; Daas Kedoshim 342; Siddur Beis Oveid 7; Har Tzevi 265

[213] The reason: This is similar to the law that Keriah is done on Chol Hamoed on behalf of a parent. [Poskim ibid]

[214] Sdei Chemed Aveilus 216; Nitei Gavriel ibid

[215] Nitei Gavriel ibid 2 in name of Gesher Hachaim

[216] See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:3

[217] Nitei Gavriel ibid in name of Gesher Hachaim 19:6; Yalkut Yosef Aveilus

[218] See Shvus Yaakov 2:102 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 242:2; Chochmas Adam 154:4; Aruch Hashulchan 342:8; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 14; Sdei Chemed Aveilus 216; Gesher Hachaim 19:7; Betzel Hachochmah 2:44; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:4

[219] See Shvus Yaakov 2:102 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 242:2 from which it is implied that it is permitted to attend even the burial in today’s times being that they are not particular to remain in their homes throughout Sheva Brachos

[220] Sdei Chemed Aveilus 216 in name of Maharil; Ikarei Hadaat 36:12; Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 14; Gesher Hachaim 19:7; Betzel Hachochmah 2:44; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:4

[221] Zekan Aaron 108, brought in Ikarei Hadaat 35:14; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:5 [see footnote 9 for other opinions]

[222] See Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:7 footnote 10

[223] Chaim Bayad 7:10; Sdei Chemed Chasan Vekalah 16; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:3

[224] Igros Moshe O.C. 4:21; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:8

[225] Chaim Bayad 108; Yalkut Yosef; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:6

[226] Gesher Hachaim 19:7; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 112:7; However, see regarding Yom Tov and Chol Hamoed that the mourners may be comforted: Machazik Bracha 287:2; Kaf Hachaim 283:3; Chapter 16 Halacha 2!

[227] Daas Kedoshim 342:4 [see there regarding if burial occurred on last day of Sheva Brachos]; Gesher Hachaim 18:4; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 113:1; So is ruled also regarding if the burial took place during Chol Hamoed, in which case the burial is delayed until after Yom Tov. See Chapter 18 Halacha 3!

[228] Michaber 342:1; 383:2; Kesubos 3b-4a

[229] Michaber 383:2

[230] See B for a dispute as to when they should start the Shiva in such a case.

[231] Michaber 342:1; 383:2

[232] Michaber ibid and ibid “He is to sleep amongst the men while she is to sleep amongst the women”

The reason: As the Sages were lenient and permitted them to enter the Chuppah and have marital relations despite the start of Aninus, and thus allowed him to delay the Aveilus until after the seven days of Sheva Brachos. Now, since this leniency can potentially lead to them being lax in the laws of Aveilus during the Shiva, therefore the Sages were stringent to prohibit Yichud in such a case. However, in a case that the Chasan/Kallah became an Avel only after the Chuppah, since there is no need to be lenient, as the Chuppah has legally preceded the Aveilus, therefore there is no reason to prohibit them in Yichud during the Shiva. [Shach 383:3; 342:6, unlike Levush]

[233] Shach 342:7 in name of Bach; 192:13; Nekudos Hakesef 342 in name of Rosh, Rabbeinu Yerucham, Rama 192, and Beis Yosef

[234] Taz 342:3

[235] Rama 342:1 records two opinions: Some say Yichud is forbidden even by day. [1st opinion in Rama ibid; Tur 342 in name of Rosh]; Others say it is permitted by day. [2nd opinion in Rama ibid; Tur 342 in name of Ravaad]

[236] Rama ibid records two opinions: Some say only one Shomer is required. [1st opinion in Rama ibid; Tur 342 in name of Rosh]; Others say two Shomrim are required. [2nd opinion in Rama ibid; Tur 342 in name of Ravaad]

[237] This refers to a child who is old enough to understand intimacy but will not himself fall prey to it. [Shach 342:9 in name of Bach; See Michaber E.H. 22]

[238] Rama ibid and that if they sleep in separate rooms [i.e. homes] they do not need any Shemirah; Shach 342:8; See Rama 192:4

[239] Shach 342:5 regarding a Kallah being prohibited in Mezigas Hakos and Hatzaas Hamitah; Rabbeinu Yerucham 22:2, Rosh Kesubos

[240] Tur 342 in name of Raavad, brought in Shach ibid; Implication of Rosh and Michaber 342

[241] Taz 342:3