Chapter 12: Special occasions & Times of Year

1. Bris Milah on a fast day:[1]

If a Bris falls on a fast day, then it is to take place as usual, although without food, as explained next.

Drinking the wine:[2] When a Bris is taking place on a fast day then the wine is to be given to drink to a child [who has reached the age of Chinuch[3]].

Fasting:[4] The Baal Bris [father of the child, Mohel and Sandak[5]] are all required to fast the entire day even though the Bris is taking place that day. Thus, the Seudas Mitzvah is to take place only after the fast.

Taanis Nidche-If the fast was pushed off to Sunday:[6] In the event that the fast fell on Shabbos and was hence pushed off to Sunday, then one who has a Bris taking place on Sunday is not required to fast until night. Rather [after midday[7]] he is to Daven Mincha early. After he Davens Mincha he may then eat. The same applies for all the Baalei Bris [however not for anyone else invited to the Bris, including the Kvatrin, which must fast until night[8]]. [Nevertheless, they are not to make a large meal during the day as is normally done on the day of a Bris, and thus the main meal is to take place at night.[9] Nevertheless, despite the above ruling, some Poskim[10] rule that even on a Taanis Nidche the Baal Bris is to fast the entire day as usual, and so is the custom of certain communities.[11] However most communities are lenient in this matter as is the plain ruling in Shulchan Aruch.[12]]

2. Bris Mila on Tisha B’av:[16]

If a Bris falls on a fast day, then it is to take place as usual, although without food, as explained next.

Drinking the wine:[17] When a Bris is taking place on a fast day, including Tishe Beav, then the wine is to be given to drink to a child [who has reached the age of Chinuch[18]].

Time of Bris:[19] On Tisha b’Av, the Bris is to take place after the Kinos.

Fasting:[20] The Baal Bris [father of the child, Mohel and Sandak[21]] are all required to fast the entire day even though the Bris is taking place that day. Thus, the Seudas Mitzvah is to take place only after the fast.

Taanis Nidche-If the fast was pushed off to Sunday:[22] In the event that the fast fell on Shabbos and was hence pushed off to Sunday, then one who has a Bris taking place on Sunday is not required to fast until night. Rather [after midday[23]] he is to Daven Mincha early. After he Davens Mincha he may then eat. The same applies for all the Baalei Bris [however not for anyone else invited to the Bris, including the Kvatrin, which must fast until night[24]]. [They are to say Havdala prior to eating.[25] Nevertheless, they are not to make a large meal during the day as is normally done on the day of a Bris, and thus the main meal is to take place at night.[26] Nevertheless, despite the above ruling, some Poskim[27] rule that even on a Taanis Nidche the Baal Bris is to fast the entire day as usual, and so is the custom of certain communities.[28] However, most communities are lenient in this matter as the plain ruling in Shulchan Aruch.[29]

3. Bris Mila on Yom Kippur:

When should the Bris take place?[33] The Bris is to take place after the reading of the Torah before Musaf.[34] Some are accustomed to have it take place prior to Ashreiy of Musaf[35], while others first say Ashreiy and then do the Bris.[36] [If taking place after Ashreiy, some Poskim[37] rule that the Sefer Torah is to be returned prior to the Bris.] If the Bris is not taking place in the Shul, then after the Torah reading, the scroll is to be returned to the Aron[38] and the congregation is to go to the location of the Bris. After the Bris, they are to return to Shul for Musaf. [The Seudas Mitzvah is to take place after the fast.]

The wine:[39] Some are accustomed to omit the use of a cup of wine when a Bris takes place on Yom Kippur, as in any event there is no one who is allowed to drink it.[40] Others are accustomed to use a cup of wine, as is the usual practice, and then give it to drink to the child who is being circumcised.[41] He must be given to drink from the cup in addition to the wine that is placed in his mouth by the saying of the words “Bedamayich Chayi.”[42] [However, some Poskim[43] rule that he does not need to drink Malei Lugmav, and even the slightest amount suffices, and so is implied from Admur here.] Others are accustomed to follow the same practice as Tishe Beav, which is to use a cup of wine and give it to drink to any child [who is over the age of Chinuch[44]].[45] Practically, although one is not to follow this latter opinion on Yom Kippur [and is rather to follow the second opinion brought above which is to give the newborn to taste from the wine[46]], nonetheless those who do so do not need to be protested.[47]

4. Bris Milah on Taanis Esther:[48]

When a Bris takes place on Taanis Esther, one may not make a Seudas Mitzvah for the public on Taanis Esther and the meal is hence to take place after the fast.

If the fast was pushed up to Thursday:[49] In the event that the fast fell on Shabbos and was hence pushed up to Thursday, then one who has a Bris taking place on Thursday is to make the meal that day, and is to make up the fast on Friday.[50] All those invited may participate in the meal, even if they are more than ten people, and even if the meal takes place in the morning.[51] They are all however to make up the fast the next day, with exception to the Baalei Bris who are exempt from making up the fast.[52] However some Poskim[53] argue on the above and rule that the meal is to take place on Thursday night after the fast. Practically some Poskim[54] rule like this latter opinion, while others[55] rule one may be lenient like the first opinion.

5. Bris Mila during the Three weeks:

May one dance during the Seudas Mitzvah? Many Poskim[63] rule that [up until the nine days[64]] it is permitted to dance during a Seudas Mitzvah, such as by a Bris, Pidyon Haben, Sheva Brachos, Bar Mitzvah, Siyum Misechta.[65] However, other Poskim[66] rule it is forbidden to dance even on these occasions. Some[67] rule one may dance, although may not listen to music.

Shehechiyanu:[68] One may say Shehechiyanu during a Pidyon Haben [or Bris Mila[69], for those accustomed,] that takes place during the three weeks, as he should not lose out from the Mitzvah. [This applies even on Tisha B’av.[70]]

6. Bris Mila during the Nine days:

Shabbos clothing during a Bris:[71] When a Bris is taking place during the nine days it is accustomed that the father [and mother[72]] of the child, the Mohel and the Sandek [and grandparents[73]] to wear Shabbos clothing. [Furthermore, the custom is for also other close relatives to wear Shabbos clothing.[74]]

Meat and wine:[75] One may eat meat and drink wine[76] during a Bris Mila Seudas Mitzvah which is taking place during the nine days.[77] However, only those who are coming to the meal out of respect for the Baal Hasimcha, or other similar reason, are allowed to eat.[78] However, those joining simply to be allowed to eat meat and drink wine are forbidden to eat meat and wine.[79]

The week of Tisha B’av:[80] Within the week of the Tisha B’av, only ten people, [in addition to relatives[81]], are to eat meat or drink wine during the meal.

Erev Tisha B’av:[82] The above allowance to eat meat and drink wine during a Seudas Mitzvah applies even on Erev Tisha B’av, with exception to the Seudas Hamafsekes. [When having the meal on Erev Tisha B’av, it is proper to eat it in the morning.[83]]

Kos Shel Bracha:[84]  One may say Birchas Hamazon over wine [i.e. Kos Shel Bracha] by a Seudas Mitzvah.

7. Bris Mila on Purim:[85]

It is permitted to perform a Bris [and its subsequent feast] on Purim.[86] [One can fulfill his Purim Seuda obligation with this meal if it is taking place during the day of Purim.[87]]

When is the Bris to be performed on Purim, before or after the Megillah reading?[88] Some Poskim[89] rule one is to perform the Bris and then read the Megillah.[90] Others[91] rule one is to read the Megillah [and complete the Davening] and then perform the Bris. Practically the custom is to perform the Mila and then read the Megillah.[92] If, however, the Bris is not taking place in Shul then it is to be performed after the Davening is complete.[93]

8. Bris during Sukkos-Must it take place in the Sukkah?[96]

The meal of a Bris Mila and the meal eaten by the Yoledes [i.e. Vacht Nacht, which is the night before the Bris[97],] obligated to take place in a Sukkah. This applies, even if there [are a lot of guests participating and therefore there] isn’t a lot of space to sit in the Sukkah, and they are unable to rejoice properly while there, nonetheless they are to eat in the Sukkah.[98] Those people who do not have enough space to eat there should simply not participate at all in the meal.[99]

9. Bris Mila on Rosh Hashanah:

When to make a circumcision:[107] In the event that a Bris Mila falls out on Rosh Hashanah, then if it is planned to take place in Shul, it is to be done after the Torah reading, before the blowing of the Shofar.[108] However if the Bris is planned to take place outside Shul, then it should be done after the prayers have completed[109] [unless the house is near the Shul and it will not cause a great interval[110]]. [When the Bris is taking place in Shul, prior to Tekios, the wine is to be given to a child who has reached the age of Chinuch to drink.[111] The meal however is to take place after the completion of Davening.]

10. Bris Mila on Erev Pesach for Baal Bris Bechor:[126]

It is permitted for a firstborn to participate in a meal of a Bris Mila and thus exempt his fast. The Sandak, father of the son, and the Mohel may eat even before the Bris.[127]

11. Mourner attending Bris:[128]

A. Onen:

If the Onen had a son born to him and his Bris Milah is due to be performed on the day of the burial, some Poskim[129] rule the Bris is to take place prior to the burial. In such a case the Sandek is to recite the blessing [of Lehachniso], and not the father. Other Poskim[130] however rule the Bris is to take place after the burial.[131] Practically, if the burial is able to take place in the morning prior to Shacharis, [or prior to the desired time of the Bris] then the burial should take place beforehand, and if not then the Bris should take place first.[132] [This applies even if the Milah is taking place past the 8th day, it is nevertheless to be preceded to the burial.[133] It is disputed however if this applies even if the father of the child is a Mohel.[134]]

Sandek:[135] An Onen should not be a Sandek.

B. During Shiva:

An Avel during Shiva may not leave the door of his home even for the sake of hearing the blessing of a Bris Milah.[136] He may certainly not participate in a Seudas Bris Milah taking place outside of the Shiva home.[137] This however is with exception to certain cases, as explained below. If the Avel is having a Bris take place in his home [i.e. the Shiva home], then he may participate in the Bris, and may even participate in the meal in his home, [although he is not to sit at the table for the meal together with everyone else].[138]

Father of son: If the Avel’s son is being circumcised during Shiva[139], he may leave his home to participate in the Bris [even if it is taking place on the first day of Shiva[140]].[141] [All the other laws of Shiva continue to apply.[142] He thus may not wear leather shoes[143] and according to some Poskim[144] may also not wear Shabbos clothing, and may not receive an Aliya.[145] These laws apply both to the father and mother of the child.] Regarding if he should make a meal at all in honor of the Bris, some Poskim[146] rule he is not to have a festive meal made on the day of the Bris. Practically, this is not the custom, and rather the meal is made that day.[147] The Avel however may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home.[148] [He is thus to arrange for the meal to take place in his home [i.e. the Shiva home] and he may sit at the table during the meal.[149]]

Mohel:[150] If the Avel is a Mohel, he may leave his house to perform the Milah starting from after [sunrise[151] of] the third day of Shiva, although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home[152] and may not wear leather shoes[153] and according to some Poskim[154] may also not wear Shabbos clothing.] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to perform a Bris unless there is no other Mohel in the city, [in which case it is permitted for him to leave his home to perform the Bris even on the first day of Shiva[155]].[156] [According to all, he may be a Mohel if the Bris is taking place in his home even within the first three days.[157]] It is permitted for the Mohel to cut his nails [even with a vessel[158]] during Shiva for the sake of the Mila. [It is however forbidden for him to cut his hair.[159]] If, however, there is another Mohel available, then it is forbidden [for him to cut his nails, even past three days from Shiva].

Sandek:[160] An Avel during Shiva may be honored with Sandakaus, and be a Sandek by a Bris, starting from after [sunrise[161] of] the third day of Shiva, although he must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. [He also may not participate in the meal unless it takes place inside his home[162], and may not wear leather shoes[163] and according to some Poskim[164] may also not wear Shabbos clothing] However, within the first three days of Shiva, he is not to leave his home to be a Sandek by a Bris.[165] [Some Poskim[166] however rule that all the above is in a case that the Avel was offered to be the Sandek, however, initially, one is not to offer an Avel to be the Sandek even past three days into Shiva. Others[167] rule one may even initially offer him to be the Sandek. According to all, he may be a Sandek if the Bris is taking place in his home even within the first three days.]

 C. Shloshim:[174]

An Avel [of any relative[175]] during Shloshim may not participate in a Seudas Bris Mila that is taking place outside of his home [even if he is invited to the meal[176] and even if the meal is dairy[177]]. [This, however, is with exception to certain cases to be explained below.] However, if the Avel is having a Seudas Bris Mila take place in his home, then he may participate in the meal. [In all cases, the Avel may participate in the actual ceremony of the Bris even outside of his home[178], including the light refreshments given afterwards[179], so long as he does not remain for the meal. One however may not participate while music is playing.[180]]

Bris of one’s child within Shloshim: If an Avel [father or mother] is having a Bris for his son take place during Shloshim, some Poskim[181] rule that he may wear Shabbos clothing until after the Mila. Some Poskim[182] rule he is not to have a festive meal made on the day of the Bris. Practically however, this is not the custom.[183] The Avel may participate in the meal even during Shloshim, if it is taking place inside his home.[184] If the meal is taking place outside of his home-see footnote.[185]

Baal Bris-Mohel and Sandek:[186] If the Avel is a Mohel or Sandek during Shloshim, some Poskim[187] rule he may not wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. The Avel may participate in the meal even during Shloshim if it takes place inside his home.[188] If the meal is taking place elsewhere, some Poskim[189] rule an Avel [of any type] may not participate in the meal, even though he is the Baal Bris. Other Poskim[190], however, rule that if the Baal Bris is an Avel for other relatives, then he may participate in the meal even within the Shloshim, while if he is an Avel for a parent then he may not participate in the meal during Shloshim. Other Poskim[191] rule that even an Avel for a parent may participate in the meal for a Bris during the Shloshim if he is a Baal Bris. [Practically, one may be lenient in this matter if he is an Avel for other relatives.[192]]

Mishameish: An Avel may work in the kitchen or in the waiter’s room during a Seudas Bris Milah. [He, however, is to eat alone in a side room.]

Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for an Avel to be a waiter by a meal that he may not participate in. Other Poskim rule it is permitted for an Avel to be a waiter by a meal, whether a wedding meal or Seudas Bris Milah and the like. Practically, the custom is to be lenient. [This applies even during Shloshim.  However one is to only resort to this leniency if he is a relative of the Baal Hasimcha. It is however absolutely forbidden to participate in the meal. He is rather to eat alone in a side room.]

D. Year of Aveilus:[209]

Some Poskim[210] rule an Avel of a parent during the year of Aveilus may not participate in a Seudas Bris Mila that is taking place outside of his home [even if he is invited to the meal[211] and even if the meal is dairy[212]]. Practically, the custom is for a mourner to avoid eating in any meal of any sort, throughout the period of Aveilus[213], if the meal is taking place outside his home.[214] [This however is with exception to certain cases, as explained below.] However, if the Avel is having a Seudas Bris Mila take place in his home, then he may participate in the meal. [In all cases, the Avel may participate in the actual ceremony of the Bris even outside of his home[215], including the light refreshments given afterwards[216], so long as he does not remain for the meal. One, however, may not participate while music is playing.[217]]

Bris of child:[218] If an Avel is having a Bris for his son take place during the year of Aveilus, he may wear Shabbos clothing until after the Mila. The Avel may participate in the meal even if it takes place outside of his home, if he is after Shloshim.

Mohel and Sandek:[219] If the Avel is a Mohel or Sandek during his year of Aveilus, he may wear Shabbos clothing until after the Mila. The Avel may participate in the meal even if it takes place outside of his home, if he is after Shloshim.

Mishameish: An Avel may work in the kitchen or in the waiter’s room during a Seudas Bris Milah. [He, however, is to eat alone in a side room.]

Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for an Avel to be a waiter by a meal that he may not participate in. Other Poskim rule it is permitted for an Avel to be a waiter by a meal, whether a wedding meal or Seudas Bris Milah and the like. Practically, the custom is to be lenient. [This applies even during Shloshim.  However one is to only resort to this leniency if he is a relative of the Baal Hasimcha. It is however absolutely forbidden to participate in the meal. He is rather to eat alone in a side room.]

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[1] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:17

[2] Admur 621:4 and 6 regarding Tishe Beav; Michaber 559:7; M”A 559:9; Beir Heiytiv 621:11; See Shevach Habris 18:19; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:15

[3] See Admur 190:4; 621:5; M”A 559:9; Beir Heiytiv 621:11

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it may even initially be given to a Katan who is under the age of Chinuch. [2^nd opinion in Admur 190:4]

[4] M”A 559:11 regarding Tisha B’av and all the other 4 Taaneisim and so rules: Radbaz 2:35; M”B 559:35; Beis David 347; Erech Hashulchan 550:1; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:5 and 10; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9

[5] Rama 559:8

[6] Michaber 559:9 regarding Tisha B’av Nidche and certainly the same applies for the other four fast days that are Nidche and so rule: Elya Raba; Chayeh Adam; M”B 559:37; Shaar Hatziyon 559:39; Degul Merivava; Heishiv Moshe 36; Yeshuos Yaakov 559:5; Kitzur SHU”A 125:8; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 17; Igros Moshe 4:69-4; Yabia Omer 1:34; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9 footnote 74

Other opinions: The M”A 559:11 brings in the name of the Kneses Hagedola that the custom is to be stringent regarding all fasts, even Nidche, and to fast until night as usual.

[7] First opinion in M”A 559:13; M”B 559:37

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one must delay Mincha and eating until Mincha Ketana. [2^nd opinion in M”A ibid and so concludes the M”A]

[8] M”B 559:36; P”M 559 A”A 12; This is opposed to the ruling by Taanis Esther that was Nidche to Thursday. See M”B 686:6; Kaf Hachaim 686:27

[9] M”B 559:36 based on M”A 559:11 “Today the custom is that majority of the meals take place at night”; See the following Poskim regarding Taanis Esther Nidche that the meal is to take place after the fast: Taz 686:2; Elya Raba 686:6 brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:27; M”B 686:7; Chayeh Adam 155:3 based on that the custom is like the Taz as we have never seen a meal done during the day of the fast. So rules also Kitzur SHU”A 141:3; Kaf Hachaim 686:27

[10] Kneses Hagedola brought in M”A 559:11; Zechor Leavraham “Taf” brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:10; Divrei Yisrael 150; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9; Regarding Taanis Esther so rules: Zera Emes 3:77; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:28; 549:9, brought also in Piskeiy Teshuvos 686:4

[11] See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[12] Poskim mentioned in first footnote on this Halacha; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[13] Rama 559:8; P”M 559 A”A 12

[14] Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:15; 559:7 in name of Peri Haaretz 2:8; Birkeiy Yosef 559:6; Kaf Hachaim 559:9

[15] SSH”K 62 footnote 116; Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9

[16] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:17

[17] Rama Y.D. 265:4; Admur 621:4 and 6 regarding Tishe Beav; Michaber 559:7 [unlike Y.d. 265:4]; M”A 559:9; Beir Heiytiv 621:11; See Shevach Habris 18:19; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:15

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that no blessing is to be said over the wine on a fast day, with exception to the three fasts other than Yom Kippur and Tishe Beav, and even then, only if the Yoledes is not fasting and can be given the wine to drink. [Michaber Y.D. 265:4]

[18] See Admur 190:4; 621:5; M”A 559:9; Beir Heiytiv 621:11

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it may even initially be given to a Katan who is under the age of Chinuch. [2^nd opinion in Admur 190:4]

[19] Michaber 559:7

[20] M”A 559:11 regarding Tisha B’av and all the other 4 Taaneisim and so rules: Radbaz 2:35; M”B 559:35; Beis David 347; Erech Hashulchan 550:1; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:5 and 10; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9

[21] Rama 559:8

[22] Michaber 559:9 regarding Tisha B’av Nidche and certainly the same applies for the other four fast days that are Nidche and so rule: Tur 559:9 in name of Yaavetz Rishon; Hagahos Maimanis 5:4; Mordechai Taanis 630; Elya Raba; Chayeh Adam; M”B 559:37; Shaareiy Tziyon 559:39; Degul Merivava; Heishiv Moshe 36; Yeshuos Yaakov 559:5; Kitzur SHU”A 125:8; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 17; Igros Moshe 4:69-4; Yabia Omer 1:34; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9 footnote 74; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:17

Other opinions: The M”A 559:11 brings in the name of the Kneses Hagedola that the custom is to be stringent regarding all fasts, even Nidche, and to fast until night as usual. See also Yaavetz who argues on the ruling of the Tur and Yaavetz Rishon

[23] First opinion in M”A 559:13; M”B 559:37

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one must delay Mincha and eating until Mincha Ketana. [2^nd opinion in M”A ibid and so concludes the M”A]

[24] M”B 559:36; P”M 559 A”A 12; This is opposed to the ruling by Taanis Esther that was Nidche to Thursday. See M”B 686:6; Kaf Hachaim 686:27

[25] M”B 559:37 based on Degul Merivava

[26] M”B 559:36 based on M”A 559:11 “Today the custom is that majority of the meals take place at night”; See the following Poskim regarding Taanis Esther Nidche that the meal is to take place after the fast:  Taz 686:2; Elya Raba 686:6 brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:27; M”B 686:7; Chayeh Adam 155:3 based on that the custom is like the Taz as we have never seen a meal done during the day of the fast. So rules also Kitzur SHU”A 141:3

[27] Kneses Hagedola brought in M”A 559:11; Zechor Leavraham “Taf” brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:10; Divrei Yisrael 150; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9

[28] See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[29] Poskim mentioned in first footnote on this Halacha; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[30] Rama 559:8; P”M 559 A”A 12

[31] Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:15; 559:7 in name of Peri Haaretz 2:8; Birkeiy Yosef 559:6; Kaf Hachaim 559:9

[32] SSH”K 62 footnote 116; Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9

[33] Admur 621:3; See also Admur 584:9; Piskeiy Teshuvos 284:18

[34] The reason: We do not delay until after the prayer to do the Bris as Zerizin Makdimim Lemitzvos. Rather it takes place after the Torah reading, prior to the Shofar blowing, in order to proximate the Bris of Avraham to Akeidas Yitzchak, as Hashem remembers Akeidas Yitzchak when the Shofar is blown. [Admur 584:9; Levush; Beis Yosef in name of Terumas Hadeshen 266] The Levush explains that due to the Mitzvah of Zerizin Makdimin one is to have the Mila take place before midday and if we delayed the Mila until after Davening it would be delayed past midday. Another reason recorded is because the Shechina resides during the Torah reading and we desire the Shechina to reside also on the child. [Rokeiach 217 brought in Beis Yosef ibid]

[35] Michaber 621:2; Elya Raba 591:2; Mur Uketzia 621; Mateh Efraim 584:26; M”B 621:7

[36] Rama 621:2

[37] Aruch Hashulchan 621:3; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnotes 161-162

Other opinions: Many Poskim rule that even in such a case, the Sefer Torah is to be returned only after the Bris. [Levush 591:1; Ashel Avraham 621] The Sefer Torah is to be held on the Bima. [Mateh Efraim 621:2]

[38] The reason: As it is not respectful for people to leave the Shul while the Sifrei Torah are still out of their set place. [Admur ibid]

[39] Admur 621:4-6; See Shevach Habris 18:19; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:15

[40] Admur 621:4; Michaber O.C. 621:3; Y.D. 265:4;  Rambam; Mordechai; Ran

The reason: Even a child cannot drink it, as although by Tishe Beav we rule leniently that a child may be given to drink being that it is an uncommon event, nevertheless, by Yom Kippur, since the fast is Biblical, we are stringent despite the fact that the event is uncommon. [Admur 621:4]

[41] Admur 621:5; Rama O.C. 621:3; Y.D. 265:4; Mordechai Remez 727

The reason: Now, although in general to be able to make a blessing for a child the child must be of age Chinuch, nevertheless, here since the blessing is done for the sake of the circumcised child, he may be given to drink. [Admur 621:5]

[42] Admur 621:5; M”A 621:3

[43] Taz 265:10; 2^nd opinion in Admur 190:4; Implication of Admur 621:5 “Ketzas”

Opinion of Admur: Some Poskim rule that it is necessary for the child to drink his own personal Malei Lugmav and a mere taste does not suffice. [1^st opinion in Admur 190:4 in parentheses] Vetzaruch Iyun from here

[44] See Admur 621:5; M”A 559:9; Beir Heiytiv 621:11

[45] Admur 621:6; M”A 621:3; Levush 621:3; Tosafus Shabbos 139a; Eiruvin 40b

[46] See Shevach Habris 18:19

[47] Admur 621:6; M”A ibid; Levush ibid

[48] See Rama 686:2; M”A 559:11 regarding Tishe Beav and all the other 4 Taaneisim and so rules: Radbaz 2:35; M”B 559:35; Beis David 347; Erech Hashulchan 550:1; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:5 and 10; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:17

[49] Rama 686:2

Regarding Tishe Beav and the other fasts of scripture: In the event that the fast fell on Shabbos and was hence pushed off to Sunday, then one who has a Bris taking place on Sunday is not required to fast until night. [See Michaber 559:9 regarding Tishe Beav Nidche and certainly the same applies for the other four fast days that are Nidche and so rule: Elya Raba; Chayeh Adam; M”B 559:37; Shaareiy Tziyon 559:39; Degul Merivava; Heishiv Moshe 36; Yeshuos Yaakov 559:5; Kitzur SHU”A 125:8; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 17; Igros Moshe 4:69-4; Yabia Omer 1:34; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9 footnote 74] See however the M”A 559:11 that brings in the name of the Kneses Hagedola that the custom is to be stringent regarding all fasts, even Nidche, and to fast until night as usual.

[50] Rama ibid

[51] M”B 686:7; Shaar Hatziyon 686:13

Regarding the other fasts of scripture: The meal must take place after Mincha. [See M”A 559:13; M”B 559:37]

[52] M”B ibid; Kaf Hachaim 686:28 in name of Chayeh Adam 155:3 and Kitzur SHU”A 141:3 regarding the Baal Bris

[53] Taz 686:2; Elya Raba 686:6 brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:27; M”B 686:7; Regarding the four fasts of scripture so rules: M”A 559:11 in the name of the Kneses Hagedola that the custom is to be stringent regarding all fasts, even Nidche, and to fast until night as usual.

[54] Chayeh Adam 155:3 based on that the custom is like the Taz as we have never seen a meal done during the day of the fast. So rules also Kitzur SHU”A 141:3; Kaf Hachaim 686:27

[55] PM”G 686 M”Z 2; Mor Uketzia; Shvus Yaakov 3:50, brought in M”B 686:7

[56] Rama 559:8; P”M 559 A”A 12

[57] Shaar Hatziyon 686:16 based on Gr”a; Pischeiy Teshuvah; Mishavas Nafesh 7; Nitei Gavriel 25:5; So rule regarding a Chasan: Birkeiy Yosef 686:6 based on Beis David 476 brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 686; Chayeh Adam 155:3; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:16; Kitzur SH”A 141:2; Divreiy Yatziv 2:291; Some Poskim even rule it is forbidden for the Chasan to fast, as it is his Holiday. [Meshivas Nafesh 17; Yechaveh Daas 2:78]

Regarding if the Bris is taking place after the 8^th day: See regarding the four fasts: Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:15; 559:7 in name of Peri Haaretz 2:8; Birkeiy Yosef 559:6; Kaf Hachaim 559:9 [stringent] SSH”K 62 footnote 116; Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9 [lenient]

Ruling by other fasts: By the other fast days it is ruled that the Baalei Bris must nevertheless fast until night as usual. [M”A 559:11 regarding Tishe Beav and all the other 4 Taaneisim and so rules: Radbaz 2:35; M”B 559:35; Beis David 347; Erech Hashulchan 550:1; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 549:5 and 10; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 559:9]

[58] Mahrsham 4:148; Zera Emes 3:77; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:28; 549:9

[59] Kaf Hachaim 686:28; Piskeiy Teshuvos 684:4

[60] M”B 686:7 that even the meal may take place in the morning

[61] Zera Emes 3:77; Poskim brought in Kaf Hachaim 686:28; 549:9, brought also in Piskeiy Teshuvos 686:4

[62] Kaf Hachaim 686:28; Piskeiy Teshuvos 684:4

[63] Kneses Hagedola 551:33; Chaim Sheol 1:21; Oas Chaim Veshalom 265:29 regarding Bris; Mishneh Halachos 6:109 in name of Rav Moshe Feinstein regarding Sheva Brachos; Kaf Hachaim 551:40 [regarding music by Mila] depends this matter on the dispute regarding whether one may build for the need of a Mitzvah [see Rama 551:2 “For the need of a Mitzvah it [building] is all permitted”; The Kaf Hachaim 551:33 brings Poskim who argue on Rama.] The Kaf Hachaim ibid concludes that those which are lenient have upon whom to rely.

Ruling by Sefira: Implication of Admur 493:1; M”A 493:1; M”B 493:3 that the prohibition only applies by “Seudas Reshus” and so rule: Keren Ledavid 119; Igros Moshe 2:95 and in Even Haezer 1:97; Mishneh Halachos 6:109; Yechaveh Daas 6:34

[64] Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:13

[65] See Rashal Baba Kama 7:37 that a Bar Mitzvah is considered a Seudas Mitzvah even if it is not taking place on time, so long as Drasha is recited.

[66] Elya Raba 551:26; Siddur Yaavetz; Initial ruling of Kaf Hachaim ibid; Shraga Hameir 2:13; Orchos Rabbeinu 2:128; Shraga Hameir

Regarding Sefira: So rule regarding Sefira: Maharsham in name of Daas Kedoshim; Minchas Yitzchak 1:111; Shraga Hameir 2:13

[67] Mishneh Halachos ibid; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:13

[68] Michaber 551:17; Beis Yosef 551

[69] Mamar Mordechai 551:16; Kaf Hachaim 551:216

[70] Daas Torah 551; Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:54

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule Shehechiyanu is not to be recited on Tisha B’av. [Gur Aryeh Yehuda Y.D. 116]

[71] Michaber 551:1

[72] Chayeh Adam 133:21; Kitzur SHU”A 122:15; Kaf Hachaim 551:7

[73] Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:1

[74] Shaareiy Teshuvah 551:1; Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 551

[75] Rama 551:10

[76] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:15 regarding drinking the wine

[77] The reason: As the Sages never decreed that one not eat meat and wine by a Seudas Mitzvah during the nine days. [Mateh Yehuda ibid; Kaf Hachaim 551:138]

[78] Rama ibid “All those which are affiliated with the meal”

[79] M”A 551:35; Taz 551:12; Drashos Maharil; M”B 551:76 based on Rama ibid “but not anymore than this amount”; Kaf Hachaim 551:163

[80] Rama ibid

[81] M”A 551:35; Taz 551:12; M”B 551:77

[82] Rama ibid

[83] M”A 551:37; M”B 551:78

[84] M”B 551:71

[85] Rama 693:4; M”B 696:29 based on Rama 696:8

[86] The reason: As these matters do not involve joy to the point we forbid allowing it to coincide with the joy of Purim. [M”B 696:29]

[87] Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:13

[88] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 262:5 footnote 8

[89] Rama 693:4; Terumas Hadeshen 266 [regarding if there is time to do both, brought in M”A 687:5]

[90] The reason: The reason for this is because in the Megillah the verse states “Layehudim Haysa Orah Vesimcha Vesason” and Sason is Milah. As well in order to be a Jew which celebrates Purim one must first perform the Mila. [Darkei Moshe 693:4; Mateh Moshe 1020; Drashos Mahril Purim; M”A 693:3; M”B 693:11]

[91] M”A 687:5; Opinion in Terumas Hadeshen 266; Peri Chadash; Biur Hagr”a; Beis Yosef Yoreh Deah 262 in name of Orchos Chaim; Ridbaz 1:251; Kneses Hagedola 687; Implication of Michaber 687:2; Yifei Laleiv 2:10; Peri Megadim; M”B 687:9; 693:12; See Kaf Hachaim 687:15; 693:30

The reason: As the Mitzvah of Megillah contains Pirsumei Nissa and hence pushes off the Mitzvah of Mila. [ibid]

The law if there is only enough time to either read Megillah or perform the Bris? This matter is disputed in Poskim. The Terumas Hadeshen ibid rules that one is to precede Megillah. Other Poskim however rule one is to precede the Bris. Practically if the Bris is on the eighth day then in such a case one is to perform the Bris and push off the Megillah reading. [P”M 687 A”A 5]

[92] Chayeh Adam 154:6 brought in M”B 687:9; Siddur Yaavetz; Piskeiy Teshuvos 694:8; Luach Kolel Chabad; However see Hiskashrus 1025 footnote 54 that writes one is to do the Bris after the reading, and that so was the custom of the Mohel Yaakov Yosef Raskin.

Custom of Sephardim: See Yalkut Yosef 317 that the custom of Sephardic Jewry is to perform the Bris after the reading. See Kaf Hachaim ibid who rules likewise.

[93] Aruch Hashulchan 694:5

[94] Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:13

[95] Otzer Habris 1:182 in name of Tashbatz 3:8; Yosef Ometz [Kadmon] 1098. [I have not found this mentioned in these sources]

[96] Admur 640:14; Rama 640:6; Maharik 178; M”A 640:13; M”B 640:34; Piskeiy Teshuvos 640:10

[97] See M”A ibid

[98] Admur ibid; M”A ibid that ten people suffice; M”B ibid; See Biur Halacha 640:6 “Useudas Bris”

[99] The reason: Although the meal the takes place after a Bris Mila is considered a Seudas Mitzvah, nonetheless it is not such a great mitzvah to the extent that it’s able to defer the mitzvah of eating in the Sukkah, which is a positive command of the Torah, due to it. [Admur ibid; MA ibid; Maharik ibid]

Other opinions: Some Poskim defend those who are accustomed to eating outside of the Sukkah in such a case, being that there considered like travelers. [Aruch Hashulchan 640:15]

[100] Otzer Habris 1:179 in name of Rav Elyashiv; Piskeiy Teshuvos 640:10; See Moed Lekol Chaiy 20:36

[101] See Moed Lekol Chaiy ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 32

[102] See Biur Halacha 640:6 “Useudas Bris”; Kaf Hachaim 639:59

[103] M”A ibid

[104] P”M 640 A”A 13; Biur Halacha ibid in name of P”M and based on Gr”a; Kaf Hachaim ibid

[105] Biur Halacha 640:6 “Useudas Bris”; Kaf Hachaim 639:58

[106] Elya Raba 640:19; P”M 640 A”A 13; Derech Hachaim 9; M”B ibid; Kaf Hachaim 639:61

[107] Admur 584:9; Michaber 584:4

[108] The reason: We do not delay until after the prayer to do the Bris as Zerizin Makdimim Lemitzvos. Rather it takes place after the Torah reading, prior to the Shofar blowing, in order to proximate the Bris of Avraham to Akeidas Yitzchak, as Hashem remembers Akeidas Yitzchak when the Shofar is blown. [Admur ibid; Levush; Beis Yosef in name of Terumas Hadeshen 266] The Levush explains that due to the Mitzvah of Zerizin Makdimin one is to have the Mila take place before midday and if we delayed the Mila until after Davening it would be delayed past midday. Another reason recorded is because the Shechina resides during the Torah reading and we desire the Shechina to reside also on the child. [Rokeiach 217 brought in Beis Yosef ibid] Another reason is in order not to make an interval between the Tekios of Meumad and Meyushav. [Kaf Hachaim 584:27] Another reason is because the Mitzvah of Mila is Tadir. [Gr”a; M”B 584:11]

[109] Admur ibid; Kneses Hagedola brought in M”A 584:7; M”B 584:11

[110] M”E 584:26; M”B 584:11; Kaf Hachaim 584:28

[111] Piskeiy Teshuvos 584:5 in name of Rav SZ”A

[112] Kneses Hagedola 584; Kaf Hachaim 584:28

[113] Rav Faivesh of Krakow brought in Taz 584:2

[114] Degul Merivava brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 584:4

[115] See Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid; Kaf Hachaim 584:29

[116] M”E 584:27; M”B 584:12; Kaf Hachaim 584:29

[117] See Kaf Hachaim 584:31; Pesakim Uteshuvos 262:5 footnotes 35-36

[118] Levush 584; M”A 584:7

[119] Elya Raba 595:2 brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 584:4

The reason: In order to proximate the Mila to the Torah reading and in order not to make an interval between Ashrei and the Kaddish. [ibid]

[120] Yaavetz in Siddur; Derech Hachaim; Mateh Efraim 584:26; M”B 584:12

[121] Mateh Efraim 596:5

[122] Ketzei Hamateh ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos 584:5

[123] See Leket Yosher p. 52 that the Terumos Hadeshen told someone to name his child after Yitzchak and not after his grandfather being that he and his grandfather are obligated in the honor of Yitzchak.

[124] Minchas Yitzchak 2:75; Orchos Chaim in name of Nachal Eshkol Mila 40; Piskeiy Teshuvos 584:5

[125] Sdei Chemed R”H 2:47

[126] Admur 470:8; Piskeiy Teshuvos 470:6

[127] Admur 470:8; Piskeiy Teshuvos 470:6

[128] Michaber 393:2; Rama 391:2

[129] Rashal 70, brought in Taz 341:6; Michaber 360:1 “A corpse and Milah, Milah comes first”; Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 in name of regarding if the father is the Mohel

[130] Rama in Kesav Yad, brought in Taz ibid; Birkeiy Yosef in name of Beis Yehuda 2:70, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 regarding if the father is the Mohel

[131] The reason: In order so the father can say the blessing of Lehachniso, as it is forbidden to say this blessing while he is an Onen. [Rama ibid]

[132] Taz 341:6; Chasam Sofer 325, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20

[133] Teshuvah Meahavah 1:85, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20

[134] Birkeiy Yosef in name of Beis Yehuda 2:70, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 rules the burial is to be preceded if the father is the Mohel; Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 implies from Chasam Sofer ibid that the Bris is to be preceded even if the father is the Mohel

[135] See Nitei Gavriel 37:2

[136] Michaber ibid

The reason: Although an Avel is obligated in all the Mitzvos, and hearing the blessings of a Chuppah or Milah is also a Mitzvah, nevertheless this obligation only refers to the positive commands that are dependent on the body, such as Tzitzis and Tefillin, or to perform Milah to one’s child, however not to simply perform Gemilas Chesed. [Shach 393:3 in name of Rosh]

[137]  1^st opinion in Rama ibid and that so is custom throughout entire period of Aveilus

[138] 1^st opinion in Rama 391:2 and the final custom recorded; Nitei Gavriel 24:12; See previous Halacha B for a dispute if this applies even during Shiva!

[139] The circumcision of the son is not to be delayed at all from the first opportunity that it can be done, even if it is within the first three days of Shiva and the child is past the 8^th day from birth. [Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:13]

[140] Shach 393:4

[141] Rama 393:3 regarding Baal Bris; Hagahos Ashri; Shach ibid that the father of the child receives an even more lenient ruling and may leave within even three days

May the Avel Daven in the Shul, in the area of the Bris? Regarding a Baal Bris the Rama ibid writes that he may only arrive for the Bris itself and must Daven at home [and not where the Bris is taking place]. However, see Shach ibid who is more lenient regarding a father than a Baal Bris in terms of leaving within three days; See also Pnei Baruch 20:3 and Nitei Gavriel 24:2 footnote 2 in name of Daas Kedoshim 391 and other Poskim who allow the father to Daven in the area of the Bris.

[142] Elya Raba 132:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393

[143] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 in name of Aguda and that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 6 and Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 4 and so he concludes there to be stringent

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father is permitted to wear regular shoes. [Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 3]

[144] One way of learning Rama 391:2 and so learns Darkei Hachaim 14:8; Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father and mother of the son may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. [One way of learning Rama 392:1; Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim]

[145] Nitei Gavriel 24:4; See however Pnei Baruch 20:3 footnote 9 in name of Poskim

[146] Rokeiach, brought in Shach ibid; Derisha 394:6 in name of Rashal, in name of Rokeiach

[147] Shach 394:2; See Darkei Hachaim 14:9

[148] Rama 391:2; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:5 footnote 13; Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6; Nitei Gavriel 24:11 footnote 2

[149] See Nitei Gavriel 24:11

[150] Rama 393:3; Hagahos Ashri; See Pnei Baruch 20: 8

[151] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral; See Kuntrus Matzeivas Moshe [of Chayeh Adam] 4 [Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[152] Rama 391:2; See Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6

[153] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 in name of Aguda and that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 6 and Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 4 and so he concludes there to be stringent

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father is permitted to wear regular shoes. [Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 3]

[154] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; One way of learning Rama 391:2 and so learns Darkei Hachaim 14:8; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the Balei Bris may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. [One way of learning Rama 392:1; Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim; See Shevus Yaakov 2:102, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:3 and Rav Akiva Eiger 490:5 regarding Pidyon Haben]

[155] Shach 393:5

[156] Rama ibid; Shach 393:6

Other opinions in Rama ibid: Some [Poskim] are lenient even within the first three days of Shiva to allow a Mohel leave the home to perform a Bris even if there is another Mohel available in the city. [Rama ibid; Beis Yosef based on his opinion that allows an Avel to go to Shul for hearing the Torah] Practically, since the Rama ibid rules that an Avel may not go to Shul even for the Torah reading, therefore he may also not perform Mila within the first three days if another Mohel is available in the city. Vetzaruch Iyun as to why the Rama recorded this opinion to begin with. [Shach ibid]

In the Mohel’s home: He, however, may perform a Bris in his home even within three days of Shiva. [Pnei Baruch 20:8]

[157] Pnei Baruch 20:8

[158] Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4

[159] Beir Hagoleh ibid based on Darkei Moshe who omitted the word “haircut” and also perhaps here the intent of the Rama in Legaleiach is to remove the nails and not to permit a haircut; Elya Raba 551:28; Panim Meiros 3:57; Pischeiy Teshuvah 393:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 393; Gilyon Maharsha 393

Ruling of Rama ibid: The Rama ibid writes that the Mohel may also “Legaleiach”, which generally means to cut the hair. However the above Poskim explain that in truth this refers to cutting the nails and not the hair.

[160] Rama 393:3 as explained in Shach 393:4; Hagahos Ashri; See Pnei Baruch 20:6

[161] Rama 393:1 regarding an Avel leaving his home for a funeral

[162] Rama 391:2; See Gesher Hachaim 21:8-6

[163] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 in name of Aguda and that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Poskim brought in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 6 and Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 4 and so he concludes there to be stringent

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the father is permitted to wear regular shoes. [Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 3]

[164] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1; One way of learning Rama 391:2 and so learns Darkei Hachaim 14:8; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule the Balei Bris may wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris. [One way of learning Rama 392:1; Pnei Baruch 20:3; Nitei Gavriel 24:3 footnote 6 in name of Poskim; See Shevus Yaakov 2:102, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 389:3 and Rav Akiva Eiger 490:5 regarding Pidyon Haben;]

[165] Rama ibid does not record any lenient opinion regarding a Sandek. [See Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 14]

[166] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 in name of Mahrikash; See Os Shalom 265:27; Pnei Baruch 20:6 footnote 16; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 24 footnote 14

[167] Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 in name of Maharam Mintz 86 in name of Or Zarua; Yad Avraham; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:6 footnote 17

[168] Pnei Baruch 20:3 and Nitei Gavriel 24:1 in name of Poskim

[169] Pnei Baruch 20:4 footnote 12; Nitei Gavriel 23:27

[170] Nitei Gavriel 24:5 in name of Daas Kedoshim 391:4 

[171] Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:4

[172] Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20:7 footnote 18 and Nitei Gavriel 24:9 footnote 17

[173] See Nitei Gavriel 28:3

[174] Rama 391:2 [2^nd opinion in Rama and final ruling of custom]; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 166:2; Kitzur SHU”A 212:1; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23 footnote 12; Even those Poskim who are lenient by a Seudas Mitzvah that does not contain Simcha [see Shach 246:27 in name of Maharam Mintz 119, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 391:1; Degul Merivava 391; Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:5; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Gilyon Maharsha 391; Gesher Hachaim 21; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 29:1 footnote 2] are only lenient after Shloshim!

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted for an Avel to participate in a Seudas Bris Milah. [1^st opinion in Rama ibid; Terumos Hadeshen 251]

Custom of Sephardim: The Sephardim are accustomed to attend any Seudas Mitzvah that does not involve Simcha, even during Shloshim. [Birkeiy Yosef 391:2; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 31:1]

Eating in a side room: See Nitei Gavriel 23:19 based on Rama 391:3 that a waiter may serve food at the meal and then eat next door.

[175] Taz 391:2 that this includes all Aveilim within Shloshim, even an Avel over relatives other than a parent.

An Avel for a married sister and other Rabbinical Aveilim: Some Poskim rule that an Avel over a married sister may participate in any Seudas Mitzvah that does not contain Simcha even during the Shloshim. This leniency applies to all Aveilim of relatives whose Shiva is merely Rabbinical. [Sheilas Yaavetz 2:181; Darkei Hachaim 14:2; Nitei Gavriel 23:23 and Poskim in footnote 34 and 32:8 in name of Gur Aryeh 34 and Daas Torah 391] Other Poskim negate this conclusion. [See Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:2; Taz and Shach ibid make no mention of any differentiation]

[176] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23:7 footnote 13

[177] Maharam Shick Y.D. 366; Nitei Gavriel 23:11

[178] Nitei Gavriel 23:10 in name of Ritva Kesubos 8; Chaim Sheol 21; Gesher Hachaim 21:8; Pnei Baruch 20:23

May the Avel sing Chazanus by the Bris? See Nitei Gavriel 23:29

[179] Teshuvah Meahava 3:413; Nitei Gavriel 23:28

[180] Pnei Baruch ibid

[181] One way of learning Rama 391:2 and so learns Darkei Hachaim 14:8; Birkeiy Yosef 391:1 regarding Sandek; Elya Raba 132:4 that that all laws of Aveilus apply to him just like a Sandek; Darkei Hachaim 14:8 Biur 3 prohibits wearing within Shiva and says he may only wear freshly laundered clothing if another wears it first; Nitei Gavriel 23:21 in name of Maharil Milah; Yifei Nof 156; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and 24:10 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing during the Shloshim. [Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 391:2 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing]

[182] Rokeiach, brought in Shach ibid

[183] Shach 394:2; Chochmas Adam 166:2

[184] Rama 391:2; So is implied from Shach ibid

[185] See Rama 391:2 that prohibits a Baal Bris from joining the meal within Shloshim if it takes place outside his home; See next however regarding the various types of Aveilim that this law refers to, and that practically one may be lenient if he is not an Avel for a parent. Furthermore, perhaps the above ruling of the Rama regarding a Baal Bris does not include the father or mother of the child, and the father of the child may always join the meal even outside of his home, being that it is his Simcha. See Aruch Hashulchan 391:11 and Nitei Gavriel 23:20 who does not limit his participation to if the meal takes place in his home.

[186] Rama 391:3

Person who donates the meal: See Nitei Gavriel 23:26 that he is considered a Baal Bris.

[187] Derech Hachaim 263:5 and Kitzur SHU”A 212:3 in their way of learning Rama 392:1 that within Shloshim the Baalei Bris may not wear Shabbos clothing; See Nitei Gavriel 23:25 and Pnei Baruch 20:14

Other opinions: Other Poskim rule the Baal Bris may wear Shabbos clothing until after the Milah, even within Shloshim. [Darkei Hachaim 14:8]

[188] Rama 391:2

[189] Implication of Rama ibid and so follows the ruling of Shach 391:3 and Nekudos Hakesef ibid that there is no difference between any Aveilim during Shloshim.

[190] Taz 391:3 in his explanation of Rama ibid; Bach, brought in Shach 391:3 and Nekudos Hakesef 391:3; Noda Beyehuda Y.D. 100, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:3 and 7; Degul Merivava 391; Daas Torah 391 in  name of Pnei Yehoshua 2:38; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Aruch Hashulchan 391:11; See Pnei Baruch 20:14 footnote 31

[191] Maharil 116, brought in Taz ibid; However, see Shach in Nekudos Hakesef 391:2 that even the Maharil is not lenient within Shloshim, but rather only after Shloshim; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23:24 footnote 37

[192] Divrei Yaakov 53, brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 37 that we are lenient in matters of Aveilus

[193] Nitei Gavriel 23:1-5 in name of Poskim

[194] Rama 391:2 regarding all meals

[195] See M”A 551:10

[196] Adnei Paz 10; Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:4

[197] Sheilas Yaavetz 2:180; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 28:14

[198] Nitei Gavriel 23:27

[199] See Chochmas Adam 166:2 that by a Seudas Yesoma they may not play music; See however Chaim Sheol 1:84 and other Poskim in Pnei Baruch 20 footnote 12 and Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 46 that one may participate even if music is playing.

[200] See Zera Emes 3:172; Tosfos Moed Katan 22b; Beis Shearim Y.D. 446; See Nitei Gavriel 23:8-9 footnotes 14-16

Tasting a little food: See Nitei Gavriel ibid who permits him to taste a little food based on M”A 551:10, however in my opinion this is incorrect as the Rama 391:2 writes “not to enter the meal” and the M”A ibid is discussing when there is no meal taking place but rather light refreshments.

[201] Nitei Gavriel 23:13 based on Sheilas Yaavetz 2:184

[202] Nitei Gavriel 23:14 in name of Daas Kedoshim

[203] Aruch Hashulchan 391:10; Nitei Gavriel 23:16

[204] Rama 391:4

[205] See Nitei Gavriel 23:24 in name of Zera Emes 3:391 who is stringent and other Poskim who are lenient on the basis that a Kvater is also considered a Sandek; See also Beis Lechem Yehuda 391 who implies he may not participate in the meal.

[206] Beis Lechem Yehuda 391

[207] Nitei Gavriel 23:14 based on Neharei Afarsemon 57; Zichron Yehuda 2:108; Dudaei Sadeh 62

[208] Aruch Hashulchan 391:10-11; Nitei Gavriel 23:21-22 based on Shaareiy Teshuvah 5513 and Ashel Avraham Tinyana 551 and

[209] Rama 391:2

Custom of Sephardim: The Sephardim are accustomed to attend any Seudas Mitzvah that does not involve Simcha, even during Shloshim. [Birkeiy Yosef 391:2; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 31:1]

[210] Rama 391:2 [2^nd opinion in Rama and final ruling of custom]; Mordechai; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 166:2; Kitzur SHU”A 212:1; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23 footnote 12

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted for an Avel to participate in a Seudas Bris Milah. [1^st opinion in Rama ibid; Terumos Hadeshen 251]

Eating in a side room: See Nitei Gavriel 23:19 based on Rama 391:3 that a waiter may serve food at the meal and then eat next door.

[211] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23:7 footnote 13

[212] Maharam Shick Y.D. 366; Nitei Gavriel 23:11

[213] Meaning, within Shloshim for Aveilim of all relatives [Taz ibid; Shach ibid], and within 12 months for an Avel over a parent. [Rama ibid]

[214] Rama ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 166:2; Kitzur SHU”A 212:1; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 23 footnote 12

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even initially it is customary to be lenient to participate in a Seudas Mitzvah after Shloshim if it does not contain Simcha. [Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; See Shach 246:27 in name of Maharam Mintz 119 regarding a Siyum Misechta, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 391:1; Degul Merivava 391; Pischeiy Teshuvah 391:5; Beis Lechem Yehuda 391; Gilyon Maharsha 391; Chochmas Adam 166; Gesher Hachaim 21; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 29:1 footnote 2; See Kitzur SHU”A 212 in Lechem Hapanim 1 who asks on Shach and Poskim ibid based on Rama ibid]

[215] Nitei Gavriel 23:10 in name of Ritva Kesubos 8; Chaim Sheol 21; Gesher Hachaim 21:8; Pnei Baruch 20:23

May the Avel sing Chazanus by the Bris? See Nitei Gavriel 23:29

[216] Teshuvah Meahava 3:413; Nitei Gavriel 23:28

[217] Pnei Baruch ibid

[218] Rama 391:2; Maharil

[219] Rama 391:3; Taz 391:3 that the Rama refers to one who is an Avel for a parent

[220] Nitei Gavriel 23:27

[221] See Chochmas Adam 166:2 that by a Seudas Yesoma they may not play music; See however Chaim Sheol 1:84 and other Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 46 that one may participate even if music is playing.

[222] See Zera Emes 3:172; Tosfos Moed Katan 22b; Beis Shearim Y.D. 446; See Nitei Gavriel 23:8-9 footnotes 14-16

Tasting a little food: See Nitei Gavriel ibid who permits him to taste a little food based on M”A 551:10, however in my opinion this is incorrect as the Rama 391:2 writes “not to enter the meal” and the M”A ibid is discussing when there is no meal taking place but rather light refreshments.