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Cease of mourning customs:
The mourning customs cease to be practiced by Ashkenazim on Lag BaOmer.[1] [One may hence listen to music, get married and recite Shehechiyanu on Lag Baomer.] Those accustomed like the Arizal do not take a haircut on Lag BaOmer, until Erev Shavuos, and so is the Chabad custom. [It is permitted to get married on Lag Baomer even according to those who follow the custom of the Arizal regarding haircuts.[2] However some[3] are stringent in this matter. Practically, the Chabad custom is to permit weddings on Lag Baomer.[4]] Those who continue the morning period after Lag BaOmer, are to resume the mourning customs beginning from the night of the 34th of the Omer, which is Motzei Lag BaOmer.
When do the mourning customs cease-night or day?[5] The mourning customs cease to be practiced beginning from the night of Lag BaOmer. One may hence get a haircut [unless one follows the Kabalistic custom, as is the Chabad custom] listen to music, get married and recite Shehechiyanu from that time.
Lag Baomer that falls on Sunday:[6] In years that Lag BaOmer falls on Sunday the custom is to get a haircut on Erev Shabbos, in honor of Shabbos. [Those who follow the custom of the Arizal do not take a haircut until Erev Shavuos, as stated above.] [Some Poskim[7] are lenient to even allow weddings on Friday in such a scenario.]
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Q&A May an Upsherinish child have his haircut on the night of Lag BaOmer?[8] Yes.[9]
May an Upsherinish child have his haircut on Motzei Lag BaOmer [for those who continue the mourning customs after Lag Baomer]?[10] The hair is to be cut on Lag BaOmer itself. If however there is any leftover hair then it may also be cut on Motzei Lag BaOmer.
May the Chuppah take place on Erev Lag BaOmer, before nightfall?[11] No. One is to delay the Chuppah until after nightfall.
May the Chuppah take place on Lag Baomer, after sunset [for those who continue the mourning customs after Lag Baomer]? No. The Chuppah must take place before sunset. If however for whatever reason the Chuppah was delayed, some Poskim[12] are lenient in a time of great need.
May one play the music of the wedding on Motzei Lag Baomer? Some Poskim[13] rule that if the Chuppah took place on Lag BaOmer, it is permitted to continue with the music on Motzei Lag BaOmer. However, other Poskim[14] are stringent. [Practically, the Rebbe asked Rabbi Groner to visit the wedding halls on Lag baomer and ask them to stop playing the music starting from sunset.[15]]
Q&A on Avel May an Avel participate in singing and dancing on Lag Baomer? No.
May an Avel join a Tahalucha for Lag Baomer if there will be music?[16] Yes. However, he may not participate in a concert or in the dancing.
May an Avel go to Meron on Lag Baomer?[17] Yes. However, he may not participate in a concert, or in the dancing.
May an Avel join a wedding on Lag Baomer?[18] Some Poskim[19] rule an Avel may join a wedding on Lag Baomer.[20] Practically, one may be lenient by the wedding of a relative in which the Chasan and Kallah will be pained by their absence. |
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[1] Admur 493:5 [according to all opinions mentioned there]; Rama 493:2
Other opinions-Custom of Sefaradim: The above ruling is only in accordance to the ruling of the Rama ibid that the last of the students stopped dying on the 33rd day of the Omer. However according to the Michaber 493:2 the mourning custom fully apply up until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer as in his opinion the last of the students died on the 34th day of the Omer. This is the custom of the Sefaradim, and they hence do not get married or cut hair, or cease any of the mourning customs until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer. [Michaber 493:2; Peri Chadash 493:1; Mamar Mordechai 493:3; Kaf Hachaim 493:25; Yabia Omer 3:26; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 that so is the Sefardi custom]
[2] Birkeiy Yosef 493:10; Minchas Elazar 4:60; Devar Moshe 1:31; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:15
[3] Divrei Yoel 1:26; See Birkeiy Yosef and Minchas Elazar ibid for some who are accustomed to avoid even weddings on Lag Baomer; See next footnote that the initial Chabad custom was to avoid weddings on Lag Baomer.
The reason: This is due to the fact that weddings are more severe than a haircut, and if according to the Arizal we avoid haircuts on Lag Baomer, then certainly one is to avoid weddings. [See Poskim ibid] However, in truth, this reason is negated as the Kabalistic reason for avoiding haircuts has nothing to do with mourning. [Minchas Elazar ibid and Birkeiy Yosef ibid] An alternative explanation is that one is to avoid getting married in the second half of the month. [See Michaber Y.D. 179:2; Rama E.H. 64:3]
[4] In the early years the Rebbe answered that one should not get married on Lag BaOmer, but rather on Isru Chag Shavuos. [Igros Kodesh 8 p. 318; See Shulchan Menachem 3:34; 6:37; Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 284] In one letter the Rebbe stated that the Chabad custom is not to get married at all during Sefirah, not even on Lag Baomer. [See Shulchan Menachem 6:37] However in later years the Rebbe authorized weddings on Lag Baomer. [Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703; Shulchan Menachem 3:34] Practically, so was the custom in the Rebbe’s neighborhood to wed on Lag BaOmer. [Hisvadyos 1989 3 p. 178]
[5] 2nd opinion mentioned in 493:5; Peri Chadash 493:2; Mor Uketzial; Machazik Bracha 493:5; Shaarey Teshuvah 493:5; Beir Heiytiv 493:5 in name of Chok Yaakov “Those who do not say Tachanun on Erev Lag BaOmer are likewise to cease the mourning customs by night.”; Lev Chaim 2:97; Mahariy Asaad E.H. 39; Chelkas Yaakov 1:99; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 based on Chasam Sofer 142 that haircuts and weddings have the same law; Igros Moshe 1:159; Rebbe in Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 3:34; Shaarey Halacha Uminhag 5:55] based on Siddur Admur that rules like this opinion, that Tachanun is not said on Erev Lag BaOmer.
Ruling of Admur in Shulchan Aruch and other opinions: The 1st opinion in Admur ibid states that the mourning customs are followed during the night of Lag BaOmer up until after day break, being that Lag BaOmer is the 33rd day of mourning, and even on this day there were some students who died [and hence reached the grand total of 24,000 deaths]. The mourning customs end after daybreak of Lag BaOmer, being we always apply the rule of Miktzas Hayom Kikulo to the last day of mourning, as explained in Yoreh Deah 395:1. According to this opinion, from that time and onwards the mourning customs are no longer followed. [Admur ibid; Rama 493:2] So also rules [to cease the customs only after sunrise]: Kneses Hagedola 493:1; Elya Raba 493:7 [regarding weddings]; Beis David 280; Kitzur SHU”A 120:6; M”B 493:11
The Rebbe’s opinion: In the early years the Rebbe answered that one should abide by this stringent opinion, to not cease the mourning customs until the day of Lag BaOmer. [Igros Kodesh 8 p. 318; See Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 284] However in later years the Rebbe finalized, based on Admur in the Siddur, that the mourning customs cease at night and hence weddings may take place then. [Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703; Shulchan Menachem 3:34] Practically, the Rebbe accepted this as the final ruling and so was the custom in the Rebbe’s neighborhood to wed on the night of Lag BaOmer. [See Hisvadyos 1989 3 p. 178]
[6] Admur 493:5; Rama 493:2 in name of Mahriy Viyal 51
Custom of Sefaradim: According to the ruling of the Michaber one may not get a haircut even in such an occurrence. [Kaf Hachaim 493:32]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to get a haircut on Friday even in such a scenario. [Leket Yosher p. 97; Maharil and Elya Raba 493:9 brought in Kaf Hachaim 493:33-34]
[7] Halef Lecha Shlomo 330; Divrei Malkel 3:23
[8] Nitei Gavriel Upsherinish 12:3
[9] The reason: This is based on our custom above to not recite Tachanun beginning from Erev Lag BaOmer; Furthermore, from the letter of the law a child may have an Upsherinish any time during Sefira, and it is only based on Kabala that we delay it until Lag BaOmer. [See Igros Kodesh 9:58] There is hence no reason to require delaying it until morning. Nevertheless, many are accustomed to only do so after sunrise.
[10] Shevet Hakehasi 4:143; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 footnote 82; Regarding this allowance on Chol Hamoed see: Kapei Aaron 51; Chol Hamoed Kihilchaso 3:6 [p.122]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 531:2; See P”M 531 A”A 12
[11] Nitei Gavriel 48:18
[12] Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 493, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 493 footnote 1
[13] Igros Moshe 97; Nitei Gavriel 48:19
[14] See Maharsham 493 in name of Daas Kedoshim; Minchas Yitzchak 1:111; Shraga Hameir 2:13; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 and footnote 39
[15] Heard from Rabbi Groner, however the dancing may continue
[16] See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 31:10; Heard from Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen
[17] Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 31:10; Heard from Harav Eli Landa; Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen
[18] Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 16:13
[19] Baruch Hashem 120
[20] The reason: As since the Sages differed the mourning of the public for the sake of rejoicing on Lag Baomer then certainly they differed the mourning of an individual. [ibid]
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