6. Publicizing the death:[1]
There is no obligation to publicize the death of a person, even to the son or daughter of the deceased [even on the day of death, prior to the burial[2]]. On the contrary, one who publicizes such news, on him it says “Motzi Diba Hu Kesil.” The children and relatives of the deceased may even be invited to a wedding feast prior to them being told, being that they do not know.[3] [Likewise, a husband may be intimate with his wife who lost a relative prior to notifying her.[4] The above is all in reference to after the passing. However, prior to the passing, the children are to be told of their parent’s illness in order so they visit him/her prior to their passing.[5]]
Practical directive regarding notifying the children of deceased:[6] As stated above, there is no obligation to publicize the death of a person, even to the son or daughter of the deceased. Nevertheless, despite this ruling, the custom is to notify the male children of the deceased in order for them to say Kaddish, however regarding daughters, there is no custom to notify them. [Practically, the custom today is to inform all the children in order so they participate in the funeral.[7]]
Not to lie: The above is only with regards to initially notifying another of the death, however if one is asked by a person as to the wellbeing of a relative of his and one knows that the relative has passed away, he is not allowed to lie and say the relative is alive.[8] Nevertheless, it is permitted for him to answer in a vague way, not explicitly telling him of his passing, and leaving room for the asker to misunderstand his reply.[9] [Regarding hiding the death from a sick or old relative, see Chapter 12 Halacha 3!]
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Summary: One is not to publicize the news of a death unnecessarily, and there is no obligation to notify people of the death, even if they are close friends or mourning relatives, with exception to the sons [and daughters] of the deceased, of which the custom is to notify them. If asked, one is not to lie about the death but may answer in an unrevealing method.
Q&A May one publicize the death out of respect for the deceased?[10] It is permitted, and encouraged, to publicize the death in order for people to come and pay their final respects by the funeral. Q&A on notification of death on Shabbos/Yom Tov May one notify the children or other relatives of the death on Shabbos? It is forbidden on Shabbos to speak of matters which brings one pain, such as the death of a close friend, and the like.[11] Thus, from the letter of the law, one is not to inform friends and relatives of the death of an individual on Shabbos.[12] Nevertheless, some are accustomed to being lenient to notify the relatives of the death even on Shabbos, through a gentile messenger [i.e. gentile makes a phone call to the relatives and leaves a message on the answering machine], in order so they can head out to the funeral immediately after Shabbos.[13] Practically, however, one may only be lenient in a time of great need, as stated above, otherwise it is forbidden to do so both due to the prohibition of Amira Lenachri, and due to the adherence of not to spread bad news, especially on Shabbos.[14] There is no room to be lenient in this even in the event that one’s Rebbe has died and one desires to spread the news to the world.[15]
May one notify the children or other relatives of the death on Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed? Some Poskim[16] rule that if the death occurred on Yom Tov/Chol Hamoed, it is forbidden to notify even the sons, as this will prevent them from fulfilling the Biblical command of Simchas Yom Tov. Before Yom Tov:[17] One may notify the relatives of the death/burial before Yom Tov so they can begin sitting Shiva and become exempt by Yom Tov.
May one break the news of the death of a relative on Purim?[18] One is not to tell someone of the death of a relative on Purim if he will have to sit Shiva for him. Rather one is to delay the message until after Purim. This applies even to the son of the deceased. [Regarding if this applies even prior to the burial, see footnote.[19]]
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[1] Michaber 402:12; Based on story of Rebbe Chiya in Moed Katan, brought in Taz 402:8
[2] Gilyon Maharsha 402
[3] Michaber ibid
[4] Sefer Chassidim 800; Maharash Halevi Y.D. 27; Gilyon Maharsha 402; Chiddushei Hagirshuni
[5] See Sefer Chassidim 802; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Tzedek 5; Nitei Gavriel 128:1
[6] Rama 402:12; Maryu 13; See Nitei Gavriel 128:5
Chol Hamoed and Purim: Some Poskim rule that if the death occurred on Chol Hamoed, it is forbidden to notify even the sons, as this will prevent them from fulfilling the Biblical command of Simchas Yom Tov. [Panim Meiros 2:191; Pischeiy Teshuvah 402:2; Birkeiy Yosef 402] The same applies with Purim. [ibid]
[7] See Sefer Chassidim 802; Mishnas Yaakov 3:402; Nitei Gavriel 128:9
[8] Michaber ibid
The reason: As the verse states “Midvar Sheker Tirchak. [Michaber ibid]
[9] Taz Y.D. 402:8
[10] Nitei Gavriel 65:22 footnote 28; See Shut Rav Ezriel Hildsheimer 263
[11] Admur 307:5; M”A 307; Sefer Chassidim 110
[12] See Nitei Gavriel 128:10
[13] See Mishnas Yaakov 3:402; Nitei Gavriel 128:13; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 25] that when the Rebbe Rayatz was in Chicago, they were informed of the death of his mother by telephone, on Shabbos, but the Rebbe Rayatz was only told about it on Motzei Shabbos.
[14] Nitei Gavriel 128:16
[15] Nitei Gavriel ibid protests against those who do so
[16] Sefer Chassidim 801; Panim Meiros 2:191; Pischeiy Teshuvah 402:2; Birkeiy Yosef 402; Nitei Gavriel 119:17; 128:10 [see there regarding Shabbos, Purim]
[17] Panim Meiros 2:191; Yosef Daas 402; Nitei Gavriel 128:12
[18] Panim Meiros 1:100; Moed Lekol Chai 31:34; Maharash Engel 6:10; Kaf Hachaim 696:49; Michaber Yoreh Deah 402:12; Nitei Gavriel 128:11; Although the Rama ibid rules to tell the sons in order so they can say Kaddish, nevertheless regarding Purim which contains a dispute if Aveilus applies the above Poskim rule one is to follow the Michaber.
[19] See Gilyon Maharsha 402 that seemingly this applies even prior to the burial. Vetzaruch Iyun. However certainly if there is no one that is taking care of the burial it is an obligation to tell the son in order so he begin to deal with it.
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