5. Laws applicable during a eulogy:

Standing versus sitting: There is no requirement to stand during a eulogy, and hence one may be seated.

Conversation: When in the presence of the deceased, it is only permitted to speak of matters relating to the funeral/burial, or his eulogy.[1] It is however forbidden to talk of mundane matters within four cubits of the deceased [if he is outside, or within the same room if he is inside[2]].[3] Therefore, those eulogizers who intend to impress the crowd with their oratory skills, are certainly not doing the proper thing. Many Gedolim were particular on this matter.[4]

Learning Torah: It is forbidden to speak Torah in the presence of the deceased.[5] This prohibition applies even if one is a four cubits distance from the deceased.[6] It is however permitted to speak words of Torah in relation to the deceased, and in respect of the deceased, even within his four cubits.[7] Practically, the custom of eulogizers is to recount Aggadic statements and verses even within four Amos of the deceased as an introduction to the praises to be retold in the eulogy.[8] [One may also learn Mishnayos in his honor and so is the custom.[9]]

Prayer:[10] It is forbidden for participants of a eulogy to Daven or recite Shema in the presence of the deceased. Rather, each participant is to take turns slipping out of the audience in order to say Shema or Daven. If the deceased is not present at the eulogy, it is permitted for the participants to recite Shema or Daven, even if they are in the presence of the Onen. The Onen is to remain silent, and when they stand for Shemoneh Esrei he is to recite a prayer of justification “Yehi Ratzon Milifanecha Hashem Elokaiy Shetigdor Pirtzoseinu Upirtzos Amecha Beis Yisrael.”

Mechitza:[11] It is important that there be separate seating arranged for men and women during the time the eulogy is given.

After the burial:[12] After the burial, the eulogies are to be stopped for the sake of reciting Shema and prayer.

Prayers said after the eulogy:[13] At the conclusion of the eulogy, some recite the prayer of Keil Malei Rachamim. However, Kaddish is not recited.

__________________________________________________________________________

[1] Michaber 344:16; Brachos 3b; Taz 344:5 “Speaking in the presence of the deceased is only permitted out of respect for him, however speech that is not said out of respect for the deceased is certainly forbidden.”

[2] Shach 344:11 in name of Mordechai end of Moed Katan; Beir Hagoleh in name of Mordechai; Beir Heiytiv 344:8; Elya Raba 1:4; M”B 45:2 in name of Ateres Zekeinim; This opinion is omitted from Admur ibid; See Shvus Yaakov 3:8 in name of Rashba, brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 1:2 that the custom is not to be careful against walking four Amos being people consider the entire house as four Amos.

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even in a single room one may speak of mundane matters outside of the four cubits of the corpse. [M”B ibid in name of Magen Giborim]

[3] Shach 344:11 in name of Bach; See Taz 344:5; Chachmas Adam 155:15; Aruch Hashulchan 344:13

Other opinions: It is implied from Michaber ibid that it is permitted to speak mundane matters in his presence, even within four cubits. [Shach ibid]

[4] Taz 344:5

[5] Michaber 344:16

The reason: This is forbidden due to Loeg Larash. [Shach 344:12]

[6] Shach 344:11 in implication of Michaber ibid; Bach 344; Taz 344:5; Tur in name of Rav Haiy Gaon

[7] Michaber 344:17; Nimukei Yosef; Shach ibid in name of Bach and that so is custom

[8] Shach ibid in name of Bach

[9] Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 42 in name of Poskim; Nitei Gavriel 10:8 footnote 15; Vol. 2 76:8; See Birkeiy Yosef 344:7

[10] Michaber 344:12; Admur 72:3 [regarding Shema and Tefila]; Brachos 19a; See Pnei Baruch 4:4 footnote 11 for lenient opinions regarding tefilla

[11] Sukkah 52a; Divrei Malkiel 4:72

[12] Michaber 344:13; Tur in name of Ramban and Sefer Hateruma

[13] See Nitei Gavriel 51:15-16