It is a Mitzvah upon the neighbors to provide food for the mourners in order so they do not partake in their own food.^[2] This Mitzvah applies only towards the first meal of the first day [i.e. Seudas Havraah] and not to any subsequent meals.^[3] [Nevertheless, some are accustomed to provide food also for the other meals.^[4]] Neighbors who do not provide food for the mourner receive a curse and bad omen.^[5] The main Mitzvah of the Seudas Havraah is on the neighbors, and it is incumbent upon them to provide food in order to prevent the mourner from resorting to eating his own food.^[6]

Making a meal swap:^[7] It is permitted for neighbors [who are both sitting Shiva^[8]] to provide each other with food for the first meal. They however may not enter into an agreement that each one will provide the other with food, and rather only if one neighbor already provided the other with food, the neighbor who received the food may return the gesture and provide the other neighbor with food during his Shiva.^[9]

Men serving women in Aveilus and vice versa:^[10] If a woman is in mourning, men are not to provide her the food for her Seudas Havraah.^[11] Rather, other women are to provide her food. [If there are male mourners also in the same home as the woman, then men may provide the meal for the entire family of mourners, which include the women.^[12] Women may provide men who are in mourning with food for the first meal, although some are stringent.^[13]]

Husband serving wife or vice versa:^[14] A husband may not provide his wife who is in mourning food for her Seudas Havraah. She therefore may not eat her husband’s food for her first meal.^[15] [It goes without saying that the wife cannot provide her husband who is in mourning the food for the first meal from her money, as in truth, all her money legally belongs to the husband.]

Parents/children of mourner:^[16] It is permitted for a parent to provide his son or daughter who is in Aveilus the food for their first meal. This applies even if the son/daughter lives at home, so long as they do not pay the parent for room and board. [It is however disputed if a child may provide his parent who is in mourning with food for the first meal if the child rooms and boards by the parent.^[17] Practically, if the child has his own money, he can use that money to provide food for his parents.^[18]]

Serving a guest, or boarder, or employee, or eating in a restaurant:^[19] An employer may not provide the first meal for his employee who is in mourning, if the employer must regularly provide meals for his employee under their contract. [Thus, a Jewish live in-maid would not be allowed to be provided the Seudas Havraah by the family she works for. The same applies for a guest house or hotel, that if the mourner is a paying guest, he cannot be provided the meal by the hotel. The same would apply to a restaurant; that one cannot pay for a meal at a restaurant under the claim that he is eating the restaurants food and not food of his own. Likewise, a boarder who pays for room and board at one’s home cannot be provided this meal by the hosting family. However, a guest, or pauper or orphan, who rooms and boards for free, may be provided this meal by his host.]

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[1] Michaber 378:2

[2] Michaber 378:1; Rosh; Yerushalmi Moed Katan 3:5

[3] Shach 378:1 “There is no Mitzvah involved in the second meal and onwards being that the Avel can now eat his own food”

[4] Some are accustomed for the Aveilim to have food catered by others throughout the entire Shiva. The reason is because it is forbidden to do Melacha during Shiva and the paupers may not have what to eat. [Rabbeinu Yerucham, brought in Beir Hagoleh 378 and Beir Heiytiv 378:6; The Poskim ibid concludes that so is the custom of the Sephardim]

[5] Yerushalmi Moed Katan 3:5; Rosh Moed Katan 89; Beir Hagoleh; Tashbatz 1:168

[6] Taz 378:1

[7] Michaber 378:1; Rosh

[8] Shach 378:2

[9] The reason: As if they pre-stipulated to switch meals it is considered his own food and not his neighbors. Likewise, this can lead to Ribis. [Perisha 378:2]

[10] Michaber 378:2; Rosh end of Moed Katan in name of Maharam

[11] The reason: In order to prevent this from leading to promiscuity.

[12] Aruch Hashulchan 378:2 [regarding husband and wife in Aveilus]; Gesher Hachaim 20:2; Pnei Baruch 7:3; See Tur 378 and Beis Yosef there

[13] See Gesher Hachaim and Pnei Baruch ibid and Nitei Gavriel 83:14 footnote 28

[14] Michaber 378:2; Rosh end of Moed Katan in name of Maharam

[15] The reason: As the husband is obligated to provide his wife with food, and it is hence considered as if it is her food and not her husband’s. [Shach 387:3]

[16] Michaber 378:2

[17] Menachem Aveilim 5 in name of Mishnas Rebbe Eliezer rules it is permitted, as seen from the fact Yaakov Avinu fed Yitzchak lentils. However, the Ruach Chaim 378 lives this matter in question

[18] See Nitei Gavriel 83:25 footnote 43; Pnei Baruch 7:4

[19] Michaber 378:2