2. Who to eulogize:

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2. Who to eulogize:

Torah Scholar: A Torah scholar who passed away is to be eulogized within his Beis Midrash throughout the Shiva. However, the other Batei Midrash are to continue their learning.[1] He is to be entered into his Beis Midrash, in the area where he was accustomed to teaching, and is to be eulogized there.[2] He is to be eulogized throughout the funeral procession until he reaches the cemetery.[3]

Women: One is to eulogize a woman properly just as one eulogizes a man.[4] Women are to be eulogized by men and Sages.[5] A Kallah [i.e. wife] is to be praised in accordance to the actions of her husband, as well as the actions of her father.[6]

Children:[7] Children who have passed away r”l are to be eulogized if they are above age 5-6.[8] [Practically, the custom today is not to eulogize a child.[9]] Nevertheless, Tziduk Hadin and Kaddish are recited on any child who passed way after thirty days old.[10] However, the [widespread] custom is not to recite Tziduk Hadin and Kaddish until the child is 12 months old.[11] However, in some communities, the custom is like the former opinion, to say Tziduk Hadin and Kaddish if the child is thirty days old.[12]

Gentile/slave/Stillborn/neonatal death:[13] A gentile, slave, stillborn, neonatal death is not given a eulogy or funeral procession. [However, one is to assist in the burial and their burial needs.[14] One may likewise give a eulogy for a gentile for the sake of Darkei Shalom.[15]]

One who asked not to be eulogized:[16] If the deceased had asked not to be eulogized, then he is to be obeyed.[17] [If however, the deceased was one of the leaders of the generation, then one who defies his wishes and eulogizes him, is not to be frowned upon.[18] In all cases, it is permitted to print a Hesped about the deceased.[19]]

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[1] Michaber 344:18; Moed Katan 22b

[2] Michaber 344:20; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 51:17 footnote 24-26 regarding the definition of a Torah scholar in this regard and whether his deceased wife may be entered into the Beis Midrash

[3] Michaber 344:20; Megillah 28b

[4] Michaber 344:2; Tur 344; Rambam Avel 5; Megillah 28b

[5] Rama 344:2; Tur 344

[6] Michaber 344:7; Miseches Semachos

The reason: As a wife is elevated with her husband and does not descend. [Shach 344:5]

[7] Michaber 344:4; Moed Katan 24b; Brasia in Miseches Semachos

[8] Poor children are eulogized from age five; Children of wealthy families are eulogized from age six, unless their parents are old, in which case they are eulogized from age five, as are the children of paupers. [Michaber ibid] This is because the parents of the children of the poor are more greatly saddened as they have no other joy. However, the wealthy have their money to enjoy. [Shach 344:2; Taz 344:2] The children of the wise and wealthy are to be eulogized with increased praise for their actions. [Michaber 344:5; Miseches Semachos; Rosh] This is done out of respect for their parents. [Shach 344:4] In general, a child is eulogized with praise of his own achievements, if relevant. If he has no achievements, then he is eulogized with praise of his parents, and if they have no praise, then he is praised with the actions of his relatives. [Michaber 344:6; Miseches Semachos]

[9] Beis Hillel 344

[10] Michaber ibid

[11] Rama ibid

[12] Shach 344:3 that so is custom in Lublin, and “apparently so is the custom in other communities and so is the proper custom”

[13] Michaber 344:8

[14] Shach 344:6; Tur 344

[15] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 51 footnote 19

[16] Michaber 344:10; Sanhedrin 46b

[17] The reason: As a Hesped is done out of respect for the dead, and hence the deceased has the right to forfeit it. [Shach 344:8]

[18] Beis Yaakov 83, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1, Gilyon Maharsha 344; Maaseh with Nodah Beyehuda by the funeral of the Pnei Yehoshua who asked not to be eulogized, brought in Teshuvah Meahava 1:174; See Nitei Gavriel 51:8 footnotes 12-13

Other opinions: Some Poskim question the allowance of reciting a eulogy against the wishes of the deceased even if the deceased was a great Torah leader. [Teshuvah Meahava 1:174, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1]

[19] Minchas Elazar 2:63; Nitei Gavriel 51:9

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