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2. Sitting:[1]
A mourner is not required to remain specifically sitting throughout Shiva and may certainly walk or stand if he desires.[2] However, if he desires to sit down then the following regulations apply:
Sitting restrictions: A mourner must sit on the ground during Shiva.[3] He may not sit on a bench, or on a pillow or bedding, unless he is sick or old and it is painful to sit on the ground, in which case he may place a small pillow under him on top of the ground.[4] [It goes without saying that he may not sit on a regular chair, recliner, or couch during Shiva. Practically, the custom is to allow one to sit on a low chair or stool, during the Shiva.[5] Likewise, one may sit on a cushion that is on the ground.[6] The above law applies throughout the entire duration of Shiva, both by day and night.]
Old or sick or pregnant:[7] An old or sick person, a person who is weak, and a pregnant woman, may sit on a regular chair during Shiva.[8]
During visitations/Nichum Aveilim: The mourners/Aveilim are required to sit on the floor [or a low stool[9]] during the time that they are being comforted by others.[10] They are not to be standing or walking around during the visitation of those comforting them.[11] [Practically, it is permitted for the mourners to stand and walk around if there are many visitors, and it is uncomfortable for them to remain sitting throughout all the sessions of comforting.[12] Nevertheless, the Avel is to be particular to sit while the accustomed concluding statement of comfort “Hamakom Yinachem” is recited to them.] The people who come to comfort the mourner are to sit on the ground just as is required of the mourner.[13] Nevertheless, if the mourner forgives his honor, and allows them to sit on regular chairs, it is permitted for them to do so. Practically, the custom today is for the comforters to sit on regular chairs, as it is accepted that the mourners forgive their honor in this regard.[14]
Standing for a Torah scholar/elder:[15] An Avel during Shiva is not obligated [and is not allowed[16]] to stand in the presence of even the Gadol Hador, [and certainly is not obligated to stand for a Torah scholar or elder].[17] [He may however slightly lift up his body in their honor.[18] The comforters, however, are to stand when a Torah scholar or elderly man enters.]
Not to tell the Avel to sit down:[19] One is not to tell an Avel or a sick person to sit down as it implies that he is to sit and remain in his state of mourning or illness. [One may however tell him that he does not need to stand, or other indirect term.[20] The Avel may tell others to sit down.]
| Summary: An Avel is to sit on a low stool during Shiva. He may not sit on a regular chair unless he is sick, or weak, or pregnant. Q&A Must the low stool/chair be less than three Tefachim from the ground? Some sources[21] imply that the stool may not be higher than three Tefachim [24 cm] from the ground.[22] Other sources[23] imply it may not be higher than a Tefach. Other sources[24] however imply that the stool may be higher than three Tefachim [24 cm] from the ground, so long as it is recognizably smaller than a regular chair.
May one sit directly on the floor? Based on Kabala, one is never to sit directly on the ground, and is rather to have an interval between him and the floor.[25] Clothing that one is wearing is not considered a valid interval for this matter.[26] One should be stringent even regarding a tiled floor.[27]
May the mourners sit on regular chairs during the meal? During the times of meals, the Avel is not required to sit directly on the ground, and he may sit on an upside down bed [i.e. Mita Kefuya].[28] Some Poskim[29] rule that it is even permitted for him to sit on a regular chair or bench while eating.[30] Other Poskim[31] however rule it is forbidden to sit on a regular chair or bench even while eating a meal. Practically, one may sit regularly while eating meals if it is difficult to sit on a stool.[32] However the widespread custom is to sit on a low stool even while eating.[33]
May a nursing mother during Shiva sit regularly while nursing?[34] A nursing mother may sit regularly on a chair when she is nursing. May one sit on steps during Shiva?[35] Yes. |
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[1] 387:1; Nitei Gavriel 108 [p. 564]; Pnei Baruch 17:3
[2] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1 in name of Rashal
[3] Michaber ibid; Tosfos Moed Katan 27
The first day of Shiva: Some Poskim rule that an Avel is obligated to sit on a turned over bed on the first day. [Rambam 4:9] Other Poskim, however, rule that it is not necessary to do so, and he may sit on the ground even on the first day, so longa s as he turns over hbis bed. [Raavad on Rambam ibid] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Aveilus p. 62
[4] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha
[5] See Aruch Hashulchan 387:3 in name of Rav Akiva Eiger; Ruach Chaim 387; Daas Kedoshim 387:1; Siddur Daas Kedoshim and Daas Torah 387; Gesher Hachaim 20:5-11 [p. 167]; Nitei Gavriel 108:1; Pnei Baruch 17:3; See regarding Tishe Beav: Mishneh Berurah 559:11; Kaf Hachaim 559:22
[6] See Aruch Hashulchan ibid
[7] Aruch Hashulchan 387:3; Nitei Gavriel 108:4; The Shach ibid extends a leniency of sitting on a cushion towards the old and sick. The Aruch Hashulchan takes this a step further and extends the leniency to sitting regularly.
[8] The reason: As they are not doing so for pleasure but simply to remove discomfort.
[9] Poskim ibid
[10] Michaber 387:1; Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1; Rashal, brought in Taz ibid
[11] Shach ibid in name of Perisha; Taz ibid; See Leket Yosher p. 91; Hisorerus Teshuvah 193; Nitei Gavriel 88:3 footnote 3
[12] See Divrei Malkiel 92; Nitei Gavriel 88:3 footnote 4
[13] Michaber 387:1; Tur in name of Gemara
[14] Shach 387:1 in name of Perisha; Taz 387:1 in name of Rashal
[15] Rama 376:1
[16] Aruch Hashulchan 376:4; Ramban in Toras Hadam; Rabbeinu Yerucham 25; brought in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 6
[17] The reason: As standing up in such a state of mourning is not considered a Hiddur. [Shvus Yaakov 3:26] Alternatively, because the Aveilim are busy. [Levush, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376] The practical ramification is regarding Tishe Beav. [Gilyon Maharsha ibid] Alternatively, because it is forbidden to tell the Avel to sit down. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]
[18] Teshuvah Meahava 3 376; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 7
[19] Michaber 376:2; Moed Katan 27b
[20] Nitei Gavriel 89:5 in name of Nimukei Yosef Moed Katan 27b and Daas Torah 376:2
[21] Siddur Daas Kedoshim; Taamei Haminhagim 864; Opinions in Daas Torah 387; Nitei Gavriel 108:2; Pnei Baruch 17:3
[22] The reason: As only when the item is within three Tefach from the ground is it considered like the ground itself.
[23] Adnei Paz 552; See Kaf Hachaim 552:40; Nitei Gavriel and Pnei Baruch ibid
[24] Daas Torah in name of Ramban in Toras Hadam; Ruach Chaim 387; Nitei Gavriel 108 footnote 4; See Gesher Hachaim p. 167 who does not write how low the stool must be; See Pnei Baruch ibid
[25] Maharash Shaar Aryeh; Birkeiy Yosef 552:8; Shaareiy Teshuvah 552:3 in name of Birkeiy Yosef ibid; Kaf Hachaim 552:39
Other opinions: From the Maharil brought in Beir Heiytiv 559:3 it is implied he held that one may sit directly on the ground. [Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid] Practically however one is to be stringent in this matter. [Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid; see P”M 559 A”A for how he explains the Maharil; See also next footnotes from Kaf Hachaim which differentiates between a tiled and earth floor]
[26] Shaareiy Teshuvah 552:3 in name of Birkeiy Yosef
[27] Kaf Hachaim ibid suggests that perhaps the above stringency of Kabala is only by an earth floor and thus there is no contradiction between the Maharil and the Maharash however he concludes “When possible one is to be stringent even regarding a tiled floor.”
[28] Michaber 387:1
[29] Maharam Merothenberg 549
[30] The reason: As the concept of Mita Kefuya has been nullified today, and hence just as we permit sleeping on a regular bed, so too we should allow sleeping on a regular bed.
[31] Perisha 387:1; See Divrei Yosef 61; Shemesh Tzedaka 10; Pischeiy Teshuvah 387:1 that an Avel may sit regularly for the Seudas Hamafsekes on Erev Yom Kippur because its Erev Yom Tov, hence implying that in general one may not sit down even during the meal.
[32] Mishnas Yaakov 3:193; See Nitei Gavriel 108:6 and 118 footnote 21 that one may be lenient if it is difficult to eat on a low stool
[33] Heard from Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen that so he witnessed
[34] Nitei Gavriel 108:4
[35] Daas Kedoshim 387; Nitei Gavriel 108:3
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