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1. The law:
It is a great Mitzvah to properly eulogize the deceased.[1] Whoever cries upon the death of a Kosher Jew, Hashem counts the tears and places the tears in his supernal treasure chest. Whoever is lax in eulogizing a Kosher Jew does not merit long days, and is fit to be buried in his lifetime.[2]
Hiring a Maspid:[3] In communities that it is customary to hire a eulogizer, the relatives are obligated to do so.[4]
Two eulogies in single city:[5] One is not to arrange two eulogies simultaneously in a single city, unless there are enough participants for each eulogy.
Where?[6] Torah scholars and their wives may be eulogized in the Beis Midrash. [However, their bodies are not to be placed in the Beis Hamidrash, unless they are leaders of the generation[7], or the Mara Deasra.[8]] However, other people are not to be eulogized in the Beis Hamidrash [even if their bodies are not present[9]]. [The custom is to give the eulogy near the head of the deceased.[10]]
When:[11] Eulogies may be given up until 12 months from the passing. It is not customary, or considered etiquette, to eulogize after 12 months. If the death was only discovered after 12 months, one is exempt from eulogizing. The twelve months do not include the 2nd month of Adar in a leap year. [Eulogies are customarily given during the funeral, prior to the burial. It is however permitted to do so even prior to the Taharah.[12] It is also customary to eulogize the deceased after the burial, during Shiva, Shloshim and the like. It is permitted to give a eulogy at night.[13] Regarding days that a Hesped may not be recited-see Halacha 4!]
One who asked not to be eulogized:[14] If the deceased had asked not to be eulogized, then he is to be obeyed.[15] [If, however, the deceased was one of the leaders of the generation, then one who defies his wishes and eulogizes him, is not to be frowned upon.[16] In all cases, it is permitted to print a Hesped about the deceased.[17]]
| The deceased hears the eulogy of the living:[18] The Talmud Yerushalmi states that the deceased is present and listens to the eulogy, as if it were a dream. He is aware of all that is said before him until he is buried in the ground. The eulogy saves the deceased from Gehinnom:[19] The eulogy helps save the deceased from Gehinnom. |
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Chabad custom-Custom not to eulogize:[20] The Chabad custom is not to give any eulogies[21] and so is the custom of other communities.[22] One is to prevent eulogies from taking place for a deceased who belonged to a community who follows the above custom.[23] Eulogies are not to be given for such a person even by people who are not accustomed to avoid eulogies, and even if the deceased was a Gadol Beyisrael.[24] [Also what people call “parting words” is in truth a Hesped, and is not to be given.[25]] After three days from the start of Shiva, one can eulogize the Niftar by saying stories and sayings regarding him.[26] |
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[1] Michaber Y.D. 344:1; Shabbos 105b
[2] Shach 344:1; Shabbos ibid; Rambam; Gilyon Maharsha 344; See Nitei Gavriel 51:24 footnote 35; See Shabbos ibid, brought in Rashi Yehoshua 24:30, that when the Jewish people did not eulogize Yehoshua properly, the mountain wanted to crush them
[3] Michaber 344:3 regarding a husband hiring a eulogizer for his wife, and a father for his daughter and forcing his son in-law to reimburse costs; 344:9 regarding forcing the heirs to pay for the eulogy; Mishneh Kesubos 46b; Sanhedrin 46b; Shach 344:7 explains we only force the heirs to pay if they inherited money/valuables from the deceased, otherwise we don’t even force the children to pay, as rules Michaber 348:2. In 344:3 Michaber depends this ruling on the custom while in 344:9 no custom is mentioned. Seemingly, back then it was accustomed to always pay a eulogizer by a funeral.
[4] The reason: As a Hesped is done out of respect for the dead, [and hence it is befitting that his inheritance money be used for his eulogy]. [Taz 344:4; Shach 344:7-88]
[5] Michaber 344:14; See also Michaber 344:15
[6] Michaber 344:19; Tur in name of Rav Haiy Gaon; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 27] that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed for his mothers body to be brought to the Shul
[7] Michaber 344:20 that a “Chacham, Aluf, Vegaon” is entered into the Beis Hamidrash; See Poskim [Chachmas Adam 155:18; Maharam Shick Y.D. 345; Divrei Malkiel 2:93] in Nitei Gavriel 51:17 footnote 24 that the body of a regular Torah scholar may not be entered into the Beis Midrash unless he is a Chacham, Aluf and Gaon; See Nitei Gavriel 51:17 footnote 26 regarding wives of Torah Scholars.
[8] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 51:17 footnote 25 that a Mara Deasra may be entered into his Beis Midrash
[9] Nitei Gavriel 51:18 footnote 27 in name of Divrei Malkiel 2:93 and other Poskim
[10] Nitei Gavriel 51:19
[11] Taz 344:5 in name of Ramban in Toras Hadam; Chachmas Adam 155:17
[12] Nitei Gavriel 52:1 in name of Rav Moshe Feinstein
[13] See Nitei Gavriel 52:2 footnote 3 that so is custom; However, see Poskim there [Halif Lecha Shlomo 192; Beis David 110] that the world is accustomed to say that at night one does not give eulogies.
[14] Michaber 344:10; Sanhedrin 46b
[15] The reason: As a Hesped is done out of respect for the dead, and hence the deceased has the right to forfeit it. [Shach 344:8]
[16] Beis Yaakov 83, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1, Gilyon Maharsha 344; Maaseh with Nodah Beyehuda by the funeral of the Pnei Yehoshua who asked not to be eulogized, brought in Teshuvah Meahava 1:174; Rav Chaim Falagi in Chelkam Chaim Derush 7 writes that he eulogized Harav Yehoshua Avraham Krispin [the chief Rabbi of Izmir in the 1800’s, and my-the authors-ancestor of six generations back] despite the fact that he instructed not to be eulogized [as recorded in his Sefer Avraham Bimechzah Derush 16], being that he was a Gadol Hador; See Nitei Gavriel 51:8 footnotes 12-13
Other opinions: Some Poskim question the allowance of reciting a eulogy against the wishes of the deceased even if the deceased was a great Torah leader. [Teshuvah Meahava 1:174, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 344:1]
[17] Minchas Elazar 2:63; Nitei Gavriel 51:9
[18] Taz 344:1
[19] Gilyon Maharsha 344
[20] See Chikrei Minhagim 4:118 for a lengthy discussion on this subject
[21] Toras Menachem 1:3 “Chassidim do not say Hespedim”; Hosafos of Sichos Kodesh 5737 2:676 “You are to remain steadfast that a eulogy does not take place being that the deceased was a Lubavitcher” [This was a letter to Rav Shalom Rivkin, after his father Rav Moshe Dovber Rivkin, Rosh Yeshiva of Torah Vadaas, passed away; See Hapardes Kisleiv 5737 that in the end, due to this request, there were no Hespeidim, despite the attendance of all Gedolei Yisrael] Gesher Hachaim 1:13-4 [p. 84]; Letter of Chassid printed in Hagaon Melublin p. 19; The Rebbe Rayatz and Rebbe were not eulogized; The Toras Chesed was not eulogized [Hagaon Melublin p. 97] Rav Shmaryahu Noach of Babrosik was not eulogized as is the Minhag Chassidim. [Sefer Zichron of Rav Binyamin Goredetzky]; See Sefer Chikrei Minhagim 4:118; Nitei Gavriel 51 footnote 21
[22] See Aruch Hashulchan 344:7 and 14 that the giving of eulogies has become very scarce, and is no longer done in any communities with exception to Lita and Zamut; Custom of Rupshitz, Ruzhin, Chernobyl, Viznitz, Gur [brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid]
The reason: a) As if one over exaggerates the praise of the Niftar, it is actually detrimental for his soul, as brought in Michaber 344:1. [Gesher Hachaim ibid; Kuntrus Hayachlieli 15:35] b) As people don’t know how to properly eulogize. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid] c) Due to Ayin Hara that may befall the person if his good deeds are revealed. [Kuntrus Hayachlieli 15:35] d) Not being eulogized properly is a merit for the deceased. [Kuntrus Hayachlieli 15:35] e) It may cause a Kitrug on the Jewish people, as someone may foolishly say that he died in exchange for an evil decree upon Klal Yisrael. [Kuntrus Hayachlieli 15:35] f) It is a Mitzvah to bury the deceased right away, as the soul cannot continue with its journey, either in Gan Eden or as a Gilgul, until the body is buried. Therefore, eulogies are not given in order not to delay the burial. [Chikrei Minhagim 4:118]
[23] See Hosafos of Sichos Kodesh 5737 2:676 that “You are to remain steadfast that a eulogy does not take place being that the deceased was a Lubavitcher”
[24] See Sichos Kodesh ibid and all sources ibid
[25] Pashut; See Sefer Chikrei Minhagim 4:118
[26] Toras Menachem 1:3 that so did the Rebbe after the passing of the Rebbe Rayatz.
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