Erev Rosh Hashanah laws and customs & Cemetery visitation laws & Eruv Tavshilin Laws

Erev Rosh Hashanah

The theme of the day:

• The night before Erev Rosh Hashanah was considered the Wacht Nacht of the High Holidays. “I do not remember that people went to sleep at a normal hour. Each person began his preparations for Erev R”H which introduces the days of judgment.”
• One is to spend this day learning Torah, doing Mitzvos, and doing Teshuvah. One is to increase in saying Tehillim throughout the day, and repent in order so his prayers of Rosh Hashanah are clean and pure.
• It is customary on Erev Rosh Hashanah to accept upon oneself a Mitzvah which one will keep more carefully. One is to accept the new Hiddur with saying “Bli Neder” in order to avoid it becoming a vow.
• It is proper to begin doing repentance of sins between man and his fellow, which includes asking for forgiveness, prior to Rosh Hashanah. One should not delay doing so until Erev Yom Kippur.
• Those that are accustomed to give charity every single day of the week are to give charity on Erev Rosh Hashanah also on behalf of the two days of Rosh Hashanah.
• On Erev Rosh Hashanah, close to the entrance of the Holiday, the Rabbeim would spend some time speaking with their wives.

Fasting:

• It is accustomed to fast on Erev Rosh Hashanah until midday. Those who are weak and are unable to fast do not need to do so. Many people today are accustomed to being lenient regarding this fast.

Tachanun:

• Tachanun is omitted from Shacharis, however in Selichos Tachanun is recited even if one is reciting Selichos after Alos.
• By the Mincha prior to Erev Rosh Hashanah [28th of Elul] Tachanun is recited.
• In Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita of the night of Erev Rosh Hashanah Tachanun is recited.
• On Erev Rosh Hashanah Lamnatzeiach is omitted from between Ashrei and Uva Letziyon. However, it is recited after Davening.
• Keil Erech Apayim is omitted from Davening on Erev R”H that falls on Monday.
• The Psalm of Tefila Ledavid is omitted on all days that Tachanun is not recited.

Blowing Shofar:

• One does not blow the Shofar on Erev Rosh Hashanah.
• This applies beginning from the night of Erev Rosh Hashanah [the night of the 29th of Elul].
• This applies even when Rosh Hashanah falls on Shabbos.
• It is forbidden to blow the Shofar, even for practice, in an open area. One is however allowed to practice blowing the Shofar in a closed room. This applies whether one is learning how to blow or is trying to get used to blowing from a new Shofar. However, one may not blow the Shofar for no reason even in a closed room.

Hataras Nedarim:

• One says Hataras Nedarim after Shacharis before midday. If one did not do so he may perform Hataras Nedarim up until nightfall [Tzeis Hakochavim] of Rosh Hashanah.
• It is proper to say Hataras Nedarim with a group of ten men. If this is not possible one is to say Hataras Nedarim in front of three men which are listening and annulling his vow.
• It is proper for every person to review the laws of vows prior to performing Hataras Nedarim as there are many vows that cannot be revoked.
• The custom today is that the individual requesting the annulment remains standing while the judges remain seated throughout the process.
• Women do not say Hataras Nedarim on Erev Rosh Hashanah. One’s wife may appoint her husband to nullify the vows for her, having the husband mention this during the annulment.
• Children do not perform Hataras Nedarim.
• One must read the annulment of vows in a language that he understands.
• In a pressing situation one may allow multiple individuals to read the request simultaneously.
• If one remembers a vow that he made he must mention the vow that he is requesting to revoke to one of the judges. Not all vows have the ability to be revoked by the tribunal. Such vows hence remain intact even after performing Hataras Nedarim. Thus a case that one remembers a vow that he made [and thus mentions the vow to a member of the tribunal], the people annulling the vow must know the laws involved in whether such a vow may be annulled and how to do a Pesach and Charata for the vow.
• Not all vows are uprooted through the stipulation made during Hataras Nedarim. This depends on whether one remembered the stipulation at the time of making the vow.

Visiting the gravesite of Tzaddikim on Erev Rosh Hashanah:

• It is customary of some communities to visit the gravesite of a Tzaddik on Erev Rosh Hashanah after Shacharis and increase in supplication while there.
• The Chabad custom is to visit the gravesite of the Rabbeim on Erev Rosh Hashanah. Those that live nearby go to the Ohel of the [Rebbe] and Rebbe Rayatz in Queens.
• One is not to eat any food prior to visiting a grave site. Nevertheless, one is to be particular to drink before visiting.
• One who is impure due to nocturnal emission [Keri], or any release of seed, may not visit a cemetery until he immerses in a Mikveh.
• One who has not visited a cemetery [in thirty days] is to recite the following blessing upon seeing it:

ברוך אתה יי אלקינו מלך העולם אשר יצר אתכם בדין וזן אתכם בדין וכלכל אתכם בדין והמית אתכם בדין ויודע מספר כלכם והוא עתיד להחיותכם ולקיים אתכם בדין: ברוך אתה יי מחייה המתים: [1]

• One is to distribute charity at the gravesite [prior to Davening there].
• At the grave of a Tzaddik one is to pray to Hashem to answer his prayers in the merit of the Tzaddikim. Likewise, one may ask the Tzaddik to intervene on one’s behalf and pray to G-d for the matters which he needs. It is customary to recite a compilation of Psalm’s and prayers assembled in the booklet entitled “Maanah Lashon” upon visiting a gravesite of a Tzaddik.[2] It is likewise customary to write a Pa”n and read it by the Ohel, tearing it upon concluding its reading and placing it near the burial site. It is best to read the Pan towards the area of the Tzaddik’s holy feet. If there are two Tzaddikim buried there, then it is to be read in between the graves by the feet of the Tzaddikim.
• One may not enter a cemetery with Tzitzis that are revealed. Thus, one is to stick his Tzitzis into his pants prior to entering into the cemetery.
• Many have the custom of encircling the grave. The Rebbe would circle the grave one time prior to leaving.
• As a sign of respect, it is accustomed to remove the shoes prior to entering into the Rebbe’s Ohel.
• Many are accustomed to place a hand on the grave upon praying. One is to specifically place his left hand on the grave.
• One is to wash one’s hands three times inconsecutively after leaving the cemetery. One is to wash his hands prior to entering into a house.
• Some are accustomed to throw grass or earth behind their back after leaving a cemetery.

Not to eat a meal past the 10th hour:

• It is a Mitzvah to refrain from beginning a meal past the 10th Zmaniyos hour of Erev Yom Tov, just as is the law regarding Erev Shabbos. This is approximately three hours before sunset. The above is only with regards to a set meal [i.e. 55 grams of bread] however it is permitted to eat a mere snack up until sunset and there is no need to refrain from doing so.
• If one transgressed or forgot and did not eat prior to the 10th hour, then he may eat a meal past the 10th hour.

Baking Challahs:

• One is to bake Challahs for Yom Tov which will be used for Lechem Mishneh and is not to buy them at the bakery as is done during the week.
• One is to bake at least the amount that requires one to remove Challah from the dough.

Haircut

• It is a Mitzvah upon a person to get a haircut on Erev Rosh Hashanah in honor of Yom Tov, in order so one does not enter into the holiday looking unbefitting.
• It is permitted to get a haircut throughout the entire Erev R”H, even past the time of Mincha. However, some Poskim rule that [despite the above ruling] one is to beware to take a haircut prior to midday.
• It is forbidden to get a haircut prior to Davening.
• One is to intend upon getting a haircut that he is removing the powers of severity and is fulfilling the Mitzvah of having Peiyos and the Mitzvah of paying a worker for his job on the same day and the Mitzvah of honoring Yom Tov. One can fulfill a total of fourteen Mitzvos when he gets a haircut.

Cutting the nails:

• It is a Mitzvah to cut one’s nails on Erev Rosh Hashanah in honor of Yom Tov, just as is the law on Erev Shabbos.
• One is to cut his nails prior to immersing.

Bathing on Erev Rosh Hashanah:

• It is a Mitzvah to bathe one’s body in hot water on Erev Rosh Hashanah in honor of Yom Tov.

Immersing in a Mikveh on Erev Rosh Hashanah:

• It is a customary to immerse in a Mikvah on Erev Rosh Hashanah.
• One is to only go to Mikveh after midday, or at the very least past the 5th hour of the day. If one cannot immerse at that time, then he may immerse anytime in the morning.
• One is to cut his nails prior to immersing.
• One should immerse three times in the water.
• Although during the regular year it is not required to remove a Chatzitza from the body prior to immersion nevertheless regarding the immersion of Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur one is to remove all Chatzitzas from the body. Thus, one is to clean his body with hot water and comb through his hair prior to immersion in order to remove any intervals.
• It is permitted to shower after Mikveh, although some are stringent not to do so.
• Based on the teachings of the Arizal one should not dry the Mikveh water off his body after immersing. It suffices for one to leave his feet wet in order to fulfill this directive.
• If a Mikveh is not available: See the “Supplement on Men immersing in a Mikveh” provided in the back of the Sefer for the full details of this matter!

Yom Tov Clothing:

• The custom today is to wear ones regular Yom Tov clothing.
• Some have the custom to wear a Kittle on Rosh Hashanah. This is not the Chabad custom.

Writing a “Pan” Pidyon Nefesh:

• It is the custom of Chassidim to write a Pidyon Nefesh on behalf of oneself and one’s family, and then send it to the Rebbe.
• The Pa”n is to be sent to be read at the Ohel or placed into a Sefer of the Rebbe.
• The custom is to write a Pa”n on a blank piece of paper without lines.
• One is to be particular to immerse in a Mikveh prior to writing the Pa”n. Married men are accustomed to write the Pa”n while wearing a Gartel.
• One is to wash his hands prior to writing the Pa”n.
• The Rebbe would write the word “Pan” at the head of the Pa”n when writing a Pa”n to the Rebbe Rayatz, and so is the practice of Chassidim.
• One begins the Pa”n addressing the Rebbe “כ”ק אדמור”.
• One begins the letter with the words “אנא לעורר רחמים רבים עלי”.

The last Mincha:

• One begins saying Tehillim from one hour before Mincha. 
• One is to Daven the Mincha prayer of Erev Rosh Hashanah with intense concentration, slightly lengthening the prayer. This is the last prayer of the year and is the introductory prayer to the Holy day of Rosh Hashanah. For this reason, it is proper to Daven Mincha slightly earlier in the day.
• When Erev Rosh Hashanah falls on Erev Shabbos one recites the paragraph of Hodu and Patach Eliyahu prior to Mincha as usual.
• One does not recite Hodu or Patach Eliyahu prior to Mincha of Erev Rosh Hashanah if it does not fall on Erev Shabbos.

Candle lighting:

• The custom is to light the candles prior to sunset at the same time that they are lit on Erev Shabbos.
• One first lights the candles and then says the blessing of “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam Asher Kidishanu Bimitzvosav Vetzivanu Lehadlik Neir Shel Yom Hazikaron”. This blessing is then followed by the blessing of Shehechiyanu.
• When Erev Rosh Hashanah falls on Erev Shabbos one recites “Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam Asher Kidishanu Bimitzvosav Vetzivanu Lehadlik Neir Shel Shabbos Vishel Yom Hazikaron” and then Shehechiyanu.
• One who did not light the candles prior to sunset is to light the candles at night, on Yom Tov, from a preexisting flame. It is to be lit at the very least prior to the return of the men from Shul.
• Those that have a Yartzite on Rosh Hashanah are to light the Yartzite candle before Yom Tov.
• It is proper to prepare a 24-hour candle on Erev Rosh Hashanah in order to have a preexisting flame available to use on Yom Tov.

Supplement 3: Visiting a Cemetery

*Below is a mere summary of the laws and customs applicable upon visiting a grave. For the full digest of details and sources on these laws-please refer our Sefer “The Laws and Customs of Mourning” Volume 2 Chapter 31!

1. Visiting the gravesite of Tzaddikim on Erev Rosh Hashanah:[3]

It is customary of some communities to visit the gravesite [of a Tzaddik[4]] on Erev Rosh Hashanah [after Shacharis[5]] and increase in supplication while there.[6] [The Chabad custom is to visit the gravesite of the Rabbeim on Erev Rosh Hashanah.[7] Those that live nearby go to the Ohel of the [Rebbe] and Rebbe Rayatz in Queens.[8] One is not required to visit a gravesite if it is an area of danger.[9]]

2. The ceremony followed upon visiting the cemetery:

A. Eating and drinking prior to the visit:

• The Chabad custom is not to eat any food prior to visiting a grave site, although one is to be particular to drink before visiting.

B. Immersing in a Mikveh:

• One who is impure due to nocturnal emission [Keri], or any release of seed, may not visit a cemetery until he immerses in a Mikveh.

C. Davening with a Minyan:

• On the day one visits the Kever of a Tzaddik, one is to be particular to Daven with a Minyan.

D. Washing hands prior to entering the cemetery?

• Some Poskim rule that one is to wash his hands prior to walking into a cemetery. Other Poskim, however, question this ruling and do not require washing beforehand.

E. Saying the blessing of Asher Yatzar Eschem Badin:

• One who has not visited a cemetery [in thirty days] is to recite the following blessing upon seeing it:

ברוך אתה יי אלקינו מלך העולם אשר יצר אתכם בדין וזן אתכם בדין וכלכל אתכם בדין והמית אתכם בדין ויודע מספר כלכם והוא עתיד להחיותכם ולקיים אתכם בדין: ברוך אתה יי מחייה המתים:

• How often is the blessing recited? The blessing said over seeing a cemetery, is not to be repeated within thirty days of the previous sighting and subsequent blessing. For example, if one visited the cemetery on the 1st of Marcheshvan and said the blessing, and then re-saw it again on the 30th of Marcheshvan, a blessing is not repeated. If, however he saw it on the 1st of Kisleiv, the blessing must be repeated.
• If one saw a different cemetery within thirty days: If one saw a different cemetery within thirty days of seeing the previous cemetery, then the blessing is not to be repeated.
• The blessing said upon seeing a grave of a gentile: Upon seeing the grave of a gentile one is to say the verse “Bosha Imchem, Meod Chafra Yoladas-chem. Hinei Acharis Goyim Midbar Tziyah Ve’arava.”
• Where should the blessing be said; inside or outside the cemetery? The blessing may be recited from outside the cemetery, in view of the grave, however, if one plans to enter the cemetery, then he is to delay saying the blessing until he enters within four Amos near the graves.

F. Giving charity:

• One is to distribute charity at the gravesite [prior to Davening there].

G. Taking off the shoes:

• As a sign of respect, it is accustomed to remove the shoes prior to entering into the Rebbe’s Ohel.

H. Placing a hand on the grave and Hishtatchus:

• Many are accustomed to place a hand on the grave upon praying. One is to place specifically his left hand on the grave.
• Hishtatchus: Hishtatchus is the general term used for the Mitzvah of visiting a Tzaddik’s grave. It literally means prostrating, as the ideal Mitzvah of being by a Tzaddik’s grave is to prostrate oneself over the grave and recite prayer. It is for this reason that many are accustomed to try to at least touch the grave while visiting.

I. How to pray by the gravesite:

• Where to stand: It is best to stand towards the area of the feet of the interred.
• The prayer on the grave: When one arrives at the grave, some are accustomed to recite the following prayer near the grave “May it be G-d’s will that the resting place of so and so be with honor and may his merit stand for me in my favor” Upon placing the left hand on the grave, one is to say the verse in Yeshayah 58:11:
• “ונחך ה׳ תמיד והשביע בצחצחות נפשך ועצמותך יחליץ והיית כגן רוה וכמוצא מים אשר לא יכזבו מימיו”
• After the above verse is recited, one says “Tishkav Beshalom Ad Ba Menachem Mashmiei Shalom.” [The above prayers are omitted from the Chabad Seder of Maaneh Lashon, and are seemingly not recited according to our custom. Sephardim are accustomed to reciting Hashkavos on the grave, however, the Arizal negated the recital of Hashkavos, and they are thus to be omitted or at least diminished.]
• How to ask for requests by a gravesite: At the grave of a Tzaddik, one is to pray to Hashem to answer his prayers in the merit of the Tzaddikim. Likewise one may ask the Tzaddik to intervene on one’s behalf and pray to G-d for the matters which he needs.
• Maaneh Lashon: It is customary to recite a compilation of Psalm’s and prayers entitled “Maaneh Lashon” upon visiting a gravesite of a Tzaddik. There exist various versions of this compilation. The Chabad Nussach of Maaneh Lashon was compiled by Rabbi Dov Ber of Lubavitch, known as the Mittler Rebbe, on occasion of his visits to the burial site of his father, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, in Haditch. This Maaneh Lashon was reprinted by the Rebbe in the year 1950 shortly after the Histalkus of his father in-law, the Rebbe Rayatz.
• Pan: It is customary to write a Pa”n and read it by the Ohel of the Tzaddik. [One tears it upon concluding its reading and places it near the burial site. It is best to read the Pa”n towards the area of the Tzaddik’s holy feet. If there are two Tzaddikim buried there, then it is to be read in between the graves by the feet.]
• Tehillim: Some are accustomed to reciting the following seven Psalms upon visiting a grave: Tehillim 33, 16, 17, 72, 91, 104, 130. One then says Psalm 119 in accordance to the name of the deceased and the name of his mother, as well as the word Neshamah. The documented Chabad custom, however, is to recite the Psalms printed in the Maaneh Lashon, which include 25, 34, 111, 112, 119 and from 120 until 150. This is then followed by Vayehi Noam, Yosheiv Beseiser, and Ana Bekoach. The Rebbe was witnessed to follow the former custom upon visiting the grave of his brother in-law, the Rashag, by the first Yahrzeit.
• Kaddish: Some are accustomed to reciting Kaddish Yasom after the completion of the Tehillim.
• Keil Malei Rachamim: Some are accustomed to reciting Keil Malei Rachamim after the completion of the Tehillim and the recital of Kaddish Yasom. [Some omit the prayer of Keil Malei Rachamim on days that Tachanun is omitted while others recite it.]
• Crying: One is to avoid crying over the death of the deceased upon visiting the grave, as the Sages allocated three days for crying and not longer.

J. Lighting a Candle:

• It is customary to light a candle on the Kever, being that on it resides the soul of the deceased. Upon lighting the candle, one is to say, “I am lighting this candle in merit of the soul named so and so.” [As soon as the Rebbe reached the part in the Maaneh Lashon of “Hareini Madlik Halamp,” the Rebbe would light a candle.]

K. Encircling the grave:

• Many have the custom of encircling the grave. [The Rebbe would circle the grave one time prior to leaving. One is to encircle it from the right side.]

L. Placing a stone on the grave:

• Many have a custom to place a stone on the grave prior to leaving. The reason behind this custom is to leave a sign that one had visited the grave, out of respect for the dead. [It was never witnessed that the Rebbe placed a stone on a grave.]

M. Kissing the Kever:

• Some are accustomed to kiss the Matzeiva prior to leaving the cemetery. This is not the widespread custom.

3. Restrictions applicable while at the gravesite or cemetery:

• This Halacha will discuss the various restrictions, and code of behavior, applicable within a cemetery, or near a grave. There are three forms of restrictions applicable in a cemetery, or near a grave:
• Loeg Larash: Not to do actions that are considered to be mocking the deceased.
• Kalus Rosh: Not to do actions which are frivolous and unbefitting of the serious nature of the cemetery.
• Benefit: Not to benefit from the cemetery.
• A new cemetery: The restrictions only apply in a cemetery which already contains graves, however, a new area designated for burial, and which will eventually serve as a cemetery, does not contain these restrictions.

A. Wearing Tzitzis in a cemetery or near a grave or corpse:

• One may not enter a cemetery while wearing Tzitzis that are revealed to the open. Thus prior to entering into a cemetery one is to tuck his Tzitzis into his pants, or pocket in a way that it will no longer be visible.

B. Wearing Tefillin in a cemetery, or near a grave, or corpse:

• It is forbidden to enter within a four-cubit radius of a corpse or grave while wearing [revealed] Tefillin on one’s head [or arm], as this is considered an act of scoffing the dead [i.e. Loeg Larash].
• May one wear Tallis and Tefillin near the gravesite of a Tzaddik? Yes. However, one may only do so if he is not near the gravesites of any other Jew.
• May one join a funeral wearing Tallis and Tefillin? If one does not enter within four cubits radius of the corpse, then it is permitted to do so if the funeral is taking place in an outside setting. If however the corpse is lying inside a room, then according to some Poskim it is forbidden to enter into that room with revealed Tallis and Tefillin even if one is more than four cubit distance from the corpse.

C. Davening and learning Torah in a cemetery, or near a grave, or corpse:

• It is forbidden to Daven [or say Kaddish], or learn Torah, within four Amos of a corpse, Kever, or within a cemetery.
• It is permitted to Daven or learn Torah in merit of the deceased, and for his benefit, even if one is within four Amos of the grave. Thus, one may recite Tehillim near the grave and learn Mishnayos there in his memory.
• Davening with a Minyan and learning Torah by Kivrei Tzadikim: The custom is to permit Davening and Torah learning near the Kever of a Tzaddik, If, however, the grave is in the midst of other graves without a Mechitza to separate between them, then it is forbidden to Daven there.

D. Bringing a Sefer Torah into a cemetery:

• It is forbidden to bring a Sefer Torah into a cemetery.

E. Greetings/Shalom Aleichem:

• One may not greet others in a cemetery while [a burial is taking place and] the deceased is in the cemetery.
• If there is no corpse in the cemetery, it is permitted to greet others if one is a four distance Amos from any graves [or if there is a Mechitza of 80 centimeters surrounding the grave].

F. Frivolity & Kalus Rosh:

• It is forbidden to act in a lightheaded way, or way of frivolousness [i.e. Kalus Rosh], in a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves.]

G. Going to the bathroom in a cemetery:

• It is forbidden to go to the bathroom in a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves. Thus, the bathrooms are to be built at the edge of the cemetery, away from the graves.]

H. Eating and drinking in a cemetery:

• It is forbidden to eat or drink inside of a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves, as explained in the Q&A. This applies even if one already said a blessing elsewhere and will not have to recite a new blessing in the cemetery. All the more so is it forbidden to say a blessing over food in a cemetery.]
• May one enter food into a cemetery? There is no prohibition against entering food or drink into a cemetery, and the food does not contract impurity or an evil spirit through doing so. It goes without saying that there is no issue with eating foods and drinks that entered a cemetery.
• May one eat or drink in the cemetery if one is a distance of four Amos from any of the graves? No.
• May one eat or drink near Kivrei Tzaddikim? If the grave is inside a cemetery, then it is forbidden to do so due to the other graves that are around. If, however, the Tzaddik’s burial place is in its own grounds, and not within a cemetery, then seemingly it is permitted to eat and drink near the Kever, or inside the Tziyon, and so is the widespread custom.
• May one sleep in a cemetery?

I. Reading and studying:

• It is forbidden to read or study [Torah and perhaps even mundane literature] inside of a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves.]

J. Reading the words on the Matzeiva:

• One is not to read the words on the gravestone/Matzeiva if it contains protruding words. However, words that are flat or engraved may be read.

K. Cheshbonos-Budgeting and accounting:

• It is forbidden to do accounting of one’s finances [or the finances of a public institution] inside of a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves.]

L. Grazing animals:

• It is forbidden to graze one’s animals inside of a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves.]

M. Channeling water:

• It is forbidden to channel water through a cemetery. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves.]

N. Using as a shortcut:

• It is forbidden to walk through a cemetery as a short cut to get to the other side. [This applies throughout the entire cemetery, even if one is a distance of four Amos from the graves. It goes without saying that one may not build a road through a cemetery.]

O. Using its earth, flowers, plants, and fruits:

• It is forbidden to collect herbs [i.e. plants and flowers] from a cemetery.
• It is permitted to gather [and eat vegetables and] fruits from trees which are planted in a cemetery, so long as they were not planted [and do not grow] over the actual graves.

P. Sitting on tombstone:

• It is forbidden to sit on a grave due to the prohibition against receiving benefit from it. Likewise, it is forbidden to lean on the grave. See Halacha 10 for the full details of this subject!

Q. Stepping on graves:

• It is forbidden to step on a grave unnecessarily.
• It is permitted for those carrying the body of the deceased during burial to step on other graves if necessary.
• The same applies regarding anyone who desires to reach a certain location in the cemetery, that if necessary, he may step on a grave while walking. [However, one may not sit on the grave, as stated above. Likewise, one may not remain standing on it.]

4. Customs applicable upon leaving a gravesite:

A. Washing the hands after leaving a cemetery:

• One who walks amongst graves [i.e. enters a cemetery] is required to wash his hands [immediately] afterwards [being that the evil spirits escorts the person until he washes]. [One is to wash his hands only after he exits the cemetery, prior to entering a home, as explained in the Q&A.]
• Washing with water: The hands must be cleaned specifically with water. It does not suffice to clean the hands in other ways [such as to rub them on something].
• How many times to wash:Although from the letter of the law washing one time suffices, the custom is to wash one’s hands three times inconsecutively after leaving a cemetery.
• Drying the hands: Some are accustomed not to dry the hands with a towel after the washing and rather let the hands dry on its own. It is noted that this was the custom of the Rebbe.
• Learning Torah and eating/drinking prior to washing: The above washing is only in order to remove impurity, and does not prevent one from studying Torah or praying. [Nevertheless, it is best to wash the hands immediately after the above actions, in order to remove the impurity right away, as stated above.]
• What occurs if one does not wash his hands? If one did not wash his hands after any of the above actions, then if he is a Torah scholar, he will forget his learning. If he is a layman, he will lose his mind.
• May one wash his hands in the cemetery? One is to wash his hands only after first distancing himself four Amos from the cemetery.
• Is one to wash his hands prior to entering a house? Yes.
• If one entered a non-Jewish cemetery, must he wash his hands upon leaving? Some Poskim question whether one is obligated to wash his hands afterwards. Practically, one is to wash his hands afterwards.
• If one entered a cemetery and remained a distance from the graves, is he required to wash his hands upon leaving? Yes.
• If one walked under a tree that grows in a cemetery must he wash his hands afterwards? Some write one is to wash his hands afterwards just like one who entered a cemetery.
• Must one wash his hands after leaving the burial grounds of Tzaddikim? The custom is not to wash hands after leaving the resting place of a Tzaddik unless the Tzaddik is buried in a cemetery, or near other graves.

B. Washing the face after leaving a cemetery:

• Some Poskim write one is to wash his face after leaving a cemetery. Others however write that the custom is not to be particular to do so.

C. Throwing grass, or earth, behind the back after leaving a cemetery:

• Some are accustomed to throw grass, or earth, behind their back after leaving a cemetery. [The Rebbe’s custom: Prior to leaving the Ohel, the Rebbe would tear grass from the ground three times and throw it behind him. This is not to be done on Chol Hamoed.]

D. Immersing in a Mikveh:

• Some are accustomed to immersing in a Mikveh after visiting a cemetery.
• The Rebbe’s customs upon visiting the Ohel: Non-leather shoes: The Rebbe would wear non-leather shoes to the Ohel, similar to the shoes worn on Tishe Beav and Yom Kippur.
• Knocking on the door: The Rebbe would knock on the door of the Ohel twice prior to entering, symbolizing asking permission prior to entering.
• Maaneh Lashon: Immediately upon entering the Ohel, the Rebbe would begin saying the Maaneh Lashon.
• Lights candle: As soon as the Rebbe reached the part in the Maaneh Lashon of “Hareini Madlik Halamp,” the Rebbe would light a candle.
• Reading the Pa”n: The Rebbe would read the Pa”n, tearing off any blank area of paper from the Pa”n, and place the Pa”n in the Ohel.
• Encircling the Ohel: Upon completing the reading of the Pa”n, the Rebbe would encircle the Ohel one time.
• Exiting: Upon exiting, the Rebbe would stop by the door and recite the Yehi Ratzon which concludes the Maaneh Lashon.
• Throwing grass: Prior to entering the car, the Rebbe would tear grass from the ground three times and throw it behind him.

5. Which graves to visit-Tzadikim/Reshaim/Relatives:

A. Visiting the gravesite of Tzadikim:

• As stated above, the custom of visiting the burial grounds of a Tzaddik is Biblically sourced, and has been done throughout the generations. It is mentioned in the Talmud, Zohar, the Shulchan Aruch, and later codifiers.

B. Visiting the gravesite of Reshaim and Gentiles:

• Reshaim: One is not to visit the grave of a Rasha, as doing so causes Mazikim [damaging spirits] to attach to him.
• Gentile cemetery: One is to avoid visiting the grave of a gentile.

C. Visiting the gravesite of relatives:

• It is customary to visit the gravesite of deceased relatives, due to the reasons enumerated in Halacha 1B. It is customary to visit their graves on specific dates, as will be explained in the next Halacha.
• Some are accustomed not to visit the graves of their deceased children r”l, even if they are older. This custom, however, does not have any known source, and is not required to be abided by.
• One does not visit the Kever of a Nefel.

D. Visiting the gravesite of one’s Rebbe:

• It is customary to visit the gravesite of one’s Rebbe.

6. Day Restrictions-Night versus day & repeated visitation:

A. May one visit a cemetery at night?

• Some avoid visiting a cemetery at night. However the widespread custom is to visit graves even at night.

B. Visiting a Kever twice in one day:

• One is not allowed to visit the same gravesite twice in one day. [Some write that so long as one is still within four Amos of the grave, then one may return to pray. Furthermore, some write that so long as one has not yet left the cemetery, he may return to the grave.]

7. People restrictions-Kohanim/Pregnant/Nidda/children/Seven years absence/Baal Keri:

A. Kohen:

• It is forbidden for a Kohen to enter a cemetery unless he remains at least a four Amos distance from any graves, or walks with a wall like structure that is at least 10 Tefachim high surrounding him, in which case he must only distance himself 4 Tefachim from the graves. In addition, he must beware not to walk under any item that hovers over the graves. If the above is guarded, he may enter even into a gated cemetery. See Chapter 9 Halacha 1 for the full details of this matter!
• Car: A Kohen who remains in his car is protected from any impurity, and he may thus enter the cemetery grounds in his car and remain inside it throughout the burial.
• Yahrzeit: A Kohen may visit the cemetery of his parent on the day of the Yahrzeit, or other auspicious time, if he stands near the cemetery from the outside. Doing so is considered as if he has visited them.

B. May Kohanim visit Kivrei Tzaddikim?

• A Kohen may not to be lenient and so is the vintage Chabad custom, and the practical directive given by the Rebbe. Kohanim who desire to merit the advantage of praying by the gravesite of a Tzaddik are to stand a distance from the cemetery or grave, in view of the grave, and pour their hearts to Hashem from there.
• Mearas Hamachpeila: It is permitted for Kohanim to visit the burial site of the forefathers in Chevron known as the Mearas Hamachpeila, and so is the practical custom. However, there are Poskim who are stringent.
• Kever Rachel: Kohanim are not to enter into Kever Rachel. However, some are lenient as stated above.
• Rashbi: Kohanim are not to enter into the building of the Tziyon of Rashbi in Meiron. Likewise, care must be taken while ascending the mountain, to walk only through the special path for Kohanim. However, some Poskim are lenient as stated above.
• The Rebbe’s Ohel: The Ohel of the Rebbe is set up in a way that allows Kohanim to access the Ohel through a special path that contains dividers of ten Tefach on each side. It is forbidden for Kohanim to extend their hand past these dividers. The Kever itself is unroofed and is surrounded by a short wall [of at least ten Tefach] which is a distance of at least four Tefach from the grave. This allows the Kohanim to stand anywhere near the wall. It is permitted for them to stand even in the front area of the Kever where the tombstone is found. Nevertheless, care must be taken not to extend the hand past the wall surrounding the Kever. Thus, when throwing the Pa”n, the Kohen is to do so from behind the wall or give it to a friend to do so.

C. Pregnant wife of Kohen and other pregnant women visiting cemeteries:

• Not married to Kohen: Many women are accustomed not to visit a cemetery when they are pregnant. Those who have received such a custom are to abide by it. However, many women are lenient in all cases, as is the letter of the law.
• Wife of a Kohen: It is permitted for the pregnant wife of a Kohen to enter a cemetery. Nonetheless, some Poskim rule it is proper to be stringent not to do so [even on a Yahrzeit or by Kivrei Tzaddikim]. This especially applies if she knows that the gender of the child is male or she is at the end of her term and is ready for birth. Nevertheless, even in such a case, most Poskim rule it is allowed from the letter of the law.

D. Nidda-May a woman visit a cemetery when she is menstruating?

• It is customary for women to avoid visiting a cemetery during the days that they are a Nidda.
• A woman may be lenient in a time of need to go during her clean days.
• If not going will cause her great distress then she may be lenient even when seeing the actual flow. Nevertheless, in such a case it is best for her to stand four Amos away from the Kever.
• Based on above, a woman may be lenient to visit the Kever in the following instances, even while menstruating: 1) Yahrzeit of her parents, or Hakamas Matzeiva. 2) She is leaving town and not returning for a while.
• Does the above custom apply even to Kivrei Tzaddikim? Many women are accustomed to only be stringent during the actual flow and not during the seven clean days [or by a single girl when she is not having her flow]. This is the widespread custom followed by women regarding going on Lag Baomer to Meiron, that they are only stringent when seeing the actual flow.

E. Children-May one bring children to a cemetery?

• There is no Halachic prohibition against bringing children to a grave or cemetery, if the child is not a Kohen. This applies even if the child is of a very young age, such as a newborn. Nevertheless, some are careful to avoid doing so. Practically, one may do so if he so chooses, or in a time of need.

F. Visiting the grave of a parent after seven years of absence:

• One who has not visited the grave of a parent in seven years is to send a messenger to the grave to notify the parent of his arrival. Likewise, he is to give charity prior to the visitation.
• Grandparents and other relatives: The above custom is only with regards to the grave of a parent, however the grave of a grandparent, or other relative, may be visited even initially after many years of absence.

G. Baal Keri:

• One who is impure due to nocturnal emission [Keri], or any release of seed, may not visit a cemetery until he immerses in a Mikveh. [He may, however, stand from a distance of four Amos from the grave/cemetery and pray from there.]
• Going alone to a cemetery: One is to avoid going by himself to a cemetery.
• Mental illness: One who suffers from mental illness is to avoid visiting graves and cemeteries.

____________________________________

[1] The following additional Nussach is added in Maaneh Lashon:

אתה גיבור לעולם אדני, מחיה מתים אתה, רב להושיע מכלכל חיים בחסד מחיה מתים ברחמים רבים, סומך נופלים, ורופא חולים, ומתיר אסורים, ומקים אמונתו לישני עפר. מי כמוך בעל גבורות ומי דומה לך, מלך ממית ומחייה ומצמיח ישועה: ונאמן אתה להחיות מתים.

[2] One can download a PDF of the Chabad Maaneh Lashon [Kehos 2000] at: www.hebrewbooks.org:15693

[3] Rama 581:4

Source in Gemara for visiting graves of Tzaddikim: The Gemara in Taanis 16a states that on certain fast days one is to visit a gravesite. One of the reasons mentioned is in order so they pray on our behalf. Likewise in the Gemara in Sota 34b it states that Kalev Davened by the gravesite of our forefathers in Chevron.

[4] M”A 581:16 “That one is to be Mishtateiach on Kivrei Tzaddikim”; Kitzur SHU”A 128:13

[5] Kitzur SHU”A 128:13

The Chabad custom? In Lubavitch the custom was to visit the gravesite immediately after Selichos, prior to Davening Shacharis. [Reshimos Devarim 326; Otzer Minhagei Chabad 43] However the Rabbeim, would visit the gravesite only after midday. [ibid]

[6] The reason: The burial area of a Tzaddik is holy and pure and due to this one’s prayers are accepted above. [Drashos Mahril; Elya Raba 581:39; M”B 581:27; Kaf Hachaim 581:94] The Sefer Chassidim 450 elaborates on the greatness of visiting the grave of one’s forefathers.

Visiting the gravesite of Reshaim: One is not to visit the grave of a Rasha as doing so causes Mazikim [damaging spirits] to attach to him. [Kaf Hachaim 581:90]

[7] This was the vintage custom practiced in Lubavitch, to visit the gravesite of the Rebbeim on Erev Rosh Hashanah. [Koveitz Lubavitch 5:70]  The Rebbe Rashab would travel to the Ohel of his father, the Rebbe Maharash, and the Tzemach Tzedek. The Rebbe Rayatz would visit the Ohel of his father, the Rebbe Rashab, in Rostov. [Otzer Minhagei Chabad 44]

[8] Sefer Haminhagim p. 117 [English] The Rebbe would visit the Ohel of his father in-law the Rebbe Rayatz on Erev Rosh Hashanah after midday. The Rebbe would stay there for many hours until the time of Mincha. While there the Rebbe would read thousands of names that he received from people all over the world to arouse mercy on their behalf. [Otzer Minhagei Chabad 47-48]

[9] Drashos Mahril; Elya Raba 581:39; Kaf Hachaim 581:94