Daily Tanya Thursday 29th Shevat: Chapter 29 Part 2: Contemplating the sins of his youth

• The Beinoni contains evil which enlivens his body and is thus his natural self: However, by the Beinoni, being that the essence of his animal soul which derives from the side of evil and is invested in his blood and flesh has yet to change and be transformed to good, it therefore ends up that this is his natural conscious state of self and it is the person himself.

(LY) 12th Adar 1

3.      The Beinoni is very distanced from G-d:

• Accordingly, it is clear that the Beinoni is very distanced from G-d to the ultimate distance being that he still contains evil within him and that his evil is his natural trait.
• Lusting after the forbidden: The evil that is found within him is not just capable of lusting after the permitted pleasures but is also capable of lusting after the forbidden pleasures which are against the will of G-d. Now, although he does not actually contemplate transgressing these prohibitions heaven forbid, nonetheless, the mere fact that these forbidden pleasures are not truly repulsive to him as they are by Tzadikim, shows that his natural state is one that contains evil.
• Even worse than the impure animals: Due to the above, it is found that the Beinoni is even worse and more repulsive and abhorrent then even impure animals and reptiles and insects, “As the verse states and I am a worm and not a man.”

4.      The love is not a true love:

• Even when the G-dly soul is able to overcome the animal soul and arouse a love for G-d during prayer, this is not a completely true love being that this love dissipates and disappears after the prayer.

(LY) 13^th  Adar 1

5.      Contemplating the sins of his youth:

• One is especially able to bring himself towards a broken heart through remembering all of the impurities that he caused to his soul due to the sins that he committed in his youth, and the great blemish that he made in the upper worlds.
• The blemish exists even today: The upper worlds are above the concept of time and hence it is found that a blemish that took place in the past is considered as if it has actually taken place today, heaven forbid.
• One can always repent more within his heart: Now, even if one has already fully repented for his previous sins, he should still contemplate the sins of his youth, being that the main aspect of repentance is in the heart and the heart contains many different levels and heights. Furthermore, the level of repentance demanded from an individual is all in accordance to his current state, time and place, as is known to those who know [and hence a level of repentance that was acceptable for this individual in the past may no longer be acceptable for this individual in the current time after he has developed and raised his level of righteousness].
• A sign from heaven that one must repent again on a deeper level: Accordingly, now that one sees that his heart is emotionless and he is unable to ignite within him the light of his G-dly soul, this is a sign that his repentance of the past has no longer been accepted today, and hence his previous sins remain a separation between him and G-d. Alternatively [this may not be a sign that his repentance is no longer acceptable but rather], this is a sign from heaven that they desire from him a higher level of repentance from a greater depth of the heart. It is due to this that King David stated, “my sins are always in front of me.”