Daily Halacha: Must One Who Attends a Bris Participate in the Meal? If So, What Must He Eat?

Must One Who Attends a Bris Participate in the Meal? If So, What Must He Eat?

A bris milah is a most beautiful and uplifting occasion, one in which many gather to honor the mitzvah and to show respect and love for a friend or relative. Often, however, bris milah ceremonies take place during work hours, making it difficult for many to remain for the entire event, particularly for the festive meal that follows. There is a well‑known statement, familiar to many, that it is forbidden for one to attend a bris without partaking in the meal, and that one who does so is liable to nidui—excommunication in heaven—a most severe consequence. Because of this, some individuals refrain entirely from attending a bris, fearing that by coming without the ability to stay for the meal, they may unwittingly enter into such a punishment. In this article, we will clarify the precise parameters of this matter. Is this statement accurate? If so, what are its halachic guidelines? What, exactly, must one eat to be considered as having participated—does even a small amount suffice? Is a drink enough? May one fulfill the requirement with something minimal, such as a small piece of cake, a cracker, or even a vegetable dipped in salad dressing? Are there exceptions to this rule? Prior to tackling the subject head on, we will introduce several background laws to this matter.

A. Background laws

The Mitzvah to attend a Bris:^[1] It is a Mitzvah to attend a Bris.^[2] Whoever attends a Bris his sins are atoned for.^[3] Whoever attends a Bris is considered that he has accepted the face of the divine presence.^[4] Whoever attends a Bris receives an additional soul just like on Shabbos and Yom Tov. He merits to fulfill all the Torah.^[5] One may even nullify Torah study for the sake of attending a Bris.^[6]

One who is invited and does not participate:^[7] Any individual who was invited to participate in the festive meal of the Bris, and does not participate in the eating is considered excommunicated in heaven. [The above divine punishment only applies to one who does not participate in the meal itself, however, not to the ceremony of the Bris.^[8]]

Cases of Exception:^[9] The above divine punishment only applies if the participants of the meal are men of stature and fear of heaven whom it is befitting for one to mingle with. [Thus, if one knows that amongst the participants there will be women who are dressed immodestly, or that there will not be a Mechitza during the meal, then one is not required to participate. Likewise, if the atmosphere will be one that is not befitting of a G-d-fearing Jew then he is not required to participate.]

Not to directly invite people to a Bris:^[10] Due to the above punishment for not participating in the meal of Bris when invited, the father should not explicitly invite people to the Bris and should rather simply inform them of the time of the ceremony and the meal. Likewise, the Gabaiy of a shul should not announce that the father is inviting the congregants to the Bris, and rather he should simply state the time and location of the ceremony. [Although in truth there is no issue with inviting people to the ceremony of the Bris, independent of the meal, as the above divine punishment only applies to one who does not participate in the meal itself, nonetheless, the custom is to be stringent even regarding the ceremony.^[11]]

B. The law:[12]

As stated above, one who is invited to a bris and does not participate in the meal is liable for a very severe divine punishment. Taken simply, this would suggest that whenever one is invited to a bris, he must sit down and partake in the full seudas mitzvah together with the guests and the baal simcha— and certainly this would apply if he has already arrived at the bris itself. However, in truth, several significant exceptions and clarifications limit this rule:

• Baal Hasimcha does not care if he remains: Some Poskim[13] rule that this concern applies only when the baal simcha genuinely desires that the person remain for the meal. If the invitation was offered only as a matter of courtesy or respect—as is common today when many are invited and there may not even be room for everyone to sit—then the guest is not obligated to stay.
• Will be a Minyan regardless: Likewise, the above Poskim[14] explain that the Divine liability applies only when a minyan would not be present without him. If a full minyan will be eating and benching even without his participation, he is not required to remain.
• Is Busy: The Poskim[15] rule that if the individual must rush to perform another mitzvah, engage in Torah study, or return to work, or other important errand, the obligation falls away entirely. In such cases, it is sufficient for him to eat something small at the bris or even to take a small amount of food home to eat later.
• Eating snack suffices: Regarding the type of food required, some Poskim[16] maintain that one need not wash for bread. Eating a mezonos item suffices. For this reason, the common custom is to eat a small piece of cake or similar item after the bris, thereby fulfilling the requirement. Additionally, some[17] argue that even mezonos is not strictly necessary. Eating any food of a kezayis—even fruit or vegetables—qualifies one as joining the meal to the extent that he could even be counted for a zimun. Furthermore, perhaps even eating a Kezayis is not necessary, and so long as one takes something, anything, it is valid.
• Women: Some Poskim[18] write that this entire concern applies only to men, not to women. Women, according to this view, are not included in the issue altogether.
• Inappropriate atmosphere: All the above comes in addition to the explicit ruling of the Rama brought above[19], who states that if the atmosphere at the bris lacks proper modesty, may cause improper thoughts, or is otherwise inappropriate for a ben Torah, one is not required to remain for the meal.

C. Conclusion

In conclusion, there is no universal obligation for every individual who attends a bris to sit down, wash for bread, and remain for the entire meal. Those who are unable to stay may fulfill their participation in the seudas mitzvah by eating something small immediately after the bris—preferably a mezonos item, though if that is not available, or if dietary needs prevent it, any food or drink is sufficient. If one is in a hurry, he may even take a small portion home to eat later. This is especially true when a minyan of participants will remain to wash and eat without him, and when the baal simcha did not specifically request that he stay for the full meal.

D. Examples:

David at His Coworker’s Bris: David stops by a bris held for his coworker, Ari, during his short lunch break. There are already many guests present, and clearly more than enough people to form a minyan for the meal. Ari greets David warmly but does not specifically ask him to stay for the seudah, knowing David must return to work. After the bris, David eats a small piece of cake, wishes Mazal Tov, and leaves. According to the halachic guidelines, David fully satisfied his obligation—he was not required to wash, eat a full meal, or remain until the end.

Moshe Arrives but Must Return to His Yeshiva Shiur: Moshe attends the bris of a close friend but must return quickly to his morning shiur in yeshiva. The baal simcha appreciates Moshe coming but understands he cannot stay. Since a full minyan will be present for the seudah regardless, Moshe takes a small beverage and a cookie immediately after the bris and heads back to his learning. This too fulfills the requirement, as his Torah obligation exempts him from staying, and a small amount of food suffices.

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[1] Shevach Habris 14:3; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:21 and 39

[2] Bris Avos 6:1 based on Tikkunei Zohar Tikkun Ayin

[3] Bnei Yissachar Mamarei Chodesh Tishrei Mamar 4 in name of Midras; See Tosafus Pesachim 114a; Bris Avos 5:31; 6:8

[4] Mavor Yabok Eter Anan Haketores 5; Bris Avos 6:8

[5] Klalei Hamila p. 10; Hagahos Beir Yaakov

[6] Elya Raba 687:3; Zechor Leavraham O.C. 1:40; Bris Avos 6:1; See Koreis Habris 265:60

[7] Rama 265:12; Pischeiy Teshuvah 265:18; Derech Pikudecha Mitzvas Mila; Kitzur SHU”A 163:8; Zocher Habris 25:10-12; Otzer Habris 17:5; Article of Rav A”C Naah in Ohalei Sheim 5:31; Shevach Habris 19:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:39

[8] See Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid

[9] Rama 265:12; Pischeiy Teshuvah 265:18; Derech Pikudecha Mitzvas Mila; Kitzur SHU”A 163:8; Zocher Habris 25:10-12; Otzer Habris 17:5; Article of Rav A”C Naah in Ohalei Sheim 5:31; Shevach Habris 19:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:39

[10] See Pischeiy Teshuvah 265:18; Otzer Habris 17:5; Shevach Habris 19:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:39

[11] See Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid

[12] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:39

[13] Orchos Yosher 20; Yifei Laleiv Y.D.A 3 265:22; Kaf Hachaim 640:56

[14] Orchos Yosher 20; Yifei Laleiv Y.D.A 3 265:22; Kaf Hachaim 640:56

[15] Koreis Habris 265:67; Zocher Habris 25:10-12; Yifei Laleiv Y.D.A 3 265:22; Sefer Hazichronos Lublin Asei 2:2; Yad Eliyahu 6; Chelkas Yaakov 24; Shevet Halevi 8:217; Lehoros Nasan 7:76; See Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid footnote 355

[16] Article of Rav A”C Naah in Ohalei Sheim 5:31

[17] Koreis Habris 265:67; See Shevet Halevi 8:217

[18] Lehoros Nasan 7:76

[19] See also Aruch Hashulchan 265:37 who states that in today’s times it’s almost impossible to escape from there been people run who are not befitting for one to eat a meal with, and hence the entire issue is no longer relevant