Table of Contents
Can parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, or siblings, act as Shomrim who prevent Yichud?[1]
The laws of Yichud—prohibiting seclusion between a man and a woman who are not married to each other—are central to maintaining modesty and preventing inappropriate relationships. However, Halacha provides exceptions when a legal acting third party (Shomer) is present, breaking the prohibition of Yichud. There are a number of legal acting Shomrim explicitly listed in the Talmud and Shulchan Aruch that help break Yichud, including a mother-in-law of the woman, daughter-in-law of the woman, and sister-in-law of the woman—whether it be her husband’s sister or her husband’s brother’s wife, and a woman’s stepdaughter. These are known as the five women (i.e. Chamisha Nashim).[2] In addition, children of a certain age can also act as valid Shomrim.[3] This article will tackle whether any other blood relatives can act as Shomrim—such as parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, or siblings. Specifically, if a parent and child are together, or two siblings are together, can that help break Yichud with another person of the opposite gender? We will explore the debate among Poskim regarding which relatives qualify as valid Shomrim, the practical rulings, and the final consensus in Jewish law.
- Practical Example – Scenario: A young man needs to visit a female doctor who works from her private home for a medical procedure. He plans to go together with his mother. The question arises: Does the presence of his mother break Yichud, or is this still prohibited?
The Halachic Debate:[4]
There is a fundamental disagreement among the Poskim regarding if any other relative aside for the Chamisha Nashim listed above can serve as valid Shomrim to break Yichud:
Lenient Opinion: Some Poskim[5] rule that any relative of the opposite gender with whom Yichud is permitted, likewise acts as a Shomer to break Yichud when with another person of the opposite gender. According to this view, if Halacha allows seclusion with a certain relative (e.g., a parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, or sibling), then that relative can also serve as a safeguard when another person of the opposite gender is present.[6]
- Scenario: A man needs to meet a female accountant in her private home office. He plans to go together with his adult sister. According to the lenient view since Yichud is permitted between a man and his sister, the sister can act as a valid Shomer. Therefore, the meeting would be allowed even if the door is closed, because her presence breaks Yichud.
Stringent Opinion: Other Poskim[7] rule that only those five relatives explicitly listed in the Talmud and Shulchan Aruch (e.g., mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law) can serve as valid Shomrim. All other relatives—even though Yichud is permitted with them—do not break Yichud when a third party is present.[8] According to this opinion, the only way to avoid Yichud in such cases is through one of the other recognized methods, such as:
- Having enough men or women present so that Yichud does not apply.
- Leaving a door open to the public.
- Ensuring one of the other legally recognized Shomrim is present.
- Scenario: A man needs to visit a female doctor in her home clinic. He plans to go together with his mother. According to the stringent view although Yichud is permitted between a man and his mother, she does not count as a valid Shomer to break Yichud with the doctor. Therefore, the man must take additional precautions—such as leaving the door open to the public or bringing another man—because only the relatives explicitly listed in the Talmud and Shulchan Aruch qualify as Shomrim.
Nighttime Considerations:[9]
Even when one of the above listed additional relatives is considered a valid Shomer, at night, after people typically go to sleep, two Shomrim are required. Therefore, at night, a single relative is not sufficient. For instance, if a son needs to visit a woman in her private home office, it would not be enough for him to go only with his mother. In such a case, an additional Shomer would be required—such as his sister—or one of the other recognized Yichud breakers (e.g., leaving the door open to the public or ensuring multiple people are present). [However, regarding the five women explicitly mentioned in the Talmud as valid Shomrim, it remains permitted to be in Yichud with such a pair even at night, and an addition Shomer is not required.[10]]
The Final Law:[11]
By daytime: The accepted practice among most communities is to follow the lenient opinion: Relatives with whom Yichud is permitted—such as parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, and siblings—are also considered valid Shomrim to break Yichud when another person of the opposite gender is present. This means that if a man is accompanied by his mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, or granddaughter, Yichud with another woman does not apply during the day. Likewise, if a woman is accompanied by her father, grandfather, brother, or son, or grandson, then the prohibition of Yichud with another man does not apply during the day. [It is important to note that if the other man is a kosher Jew, many Poskim agree that Yichud is permitted in this case—even according to the more stringent opinions—since the presence of two kosher men is widely considered a valid safeguard.[12]]
By nighttime: However, this leniency by these type of Shomrim [in contrast to Chameish Nashim] only applies during daytime or early evening. At night, once people normally go to sleep, two of these type of Shomrim, or another Yichud breaker, are required to break Yichud.
Stringent practice – Sephardim: Some authorities—particularly among Sephardic Poskim—are stringent and do not consider any of the above relatives [with exception to the Chameish Nashim] to be a valid Shomer. According to this view, an additional safeguard is required, such as ensuring the area remains open to public view and leniency would only be granted in cases of significant necessity.
Summary:
The accepted ruling is that during the day, parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, and siblings—since Yichud is permitted with them—may act as valid Shomrim to break Yichud when another person of the opposite gender is present. However, this leniency applies only until nightfall; once people normally go to sleep, two such Shomrim or another Yichud breaker (such as leaving the door open or having multiple men present) are required. In contrast, the five women explicitly listed in the Talmud (Chamisha Nashim) remain valid even at night. Some Sephardic authorities are stringent and do not accept these additional relatives as Shomrim, requiring other safeguards and permitting leniency only in cases of great need.
List of Relatives Who May Break Yichud
| Relative | Description/Relation | Status | Notes |
| Yevamos | Sister-in-law through husband (husband’s brother’s wife) | Valid Shomer | All agree, is valid even at night |
| Co-wives | Two wives of the same man | Valid Shomrim | All agree, is valid even at night |
| Mother/Daughter-in-law of the woman | Husband’s mother or son’s wife | Valid Shomrim | All agree, is valid even at night |
| Stepdaughter of the woman | Husband’s daughter | Valid Shomer | All agree, is valid even at night |
| Sister-in-law of the woman | Husband’s sister | Valid Shomer | All agree, is valid even at night |
| Mother of the man | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Daughter of the man | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Granddaughter of the man | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Sister of the man | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Grandmother of the man | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Father of the woman | When they are together with another woman | Disputed | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Son of the woman | When they are together with another man | Disputed [unless other man is Kosher Jew] | |
| Grandson of the woman | When they are together with another man | Disputed [unless other man is Kosher Jew] | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Brother of the woman | When they are together with another man | Disputed [unless other man is Kosher Jew] | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
| Grandfather of the woman | When they are together with another man | Disputed [unless other man is Kosher Jew] | Lenient by day, need two Shomrim at night from sleeping time |
[1] See Igros Moshe 2:15; 4:65-8; Nitei Gavriel 27:4 and Nitei Gavriel Teshuvah 3; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Yichud p. 718 footnotes 1031
[2] Michaber 22:10; Kiddushin 81a; See Taharas Yisrael 22:23; Nitei Gavriel 24:1; The Laws of Yichud p. 60
The reason: Since these women have a contentious relationship and lack mutual trust, they are unlikely to conceal wrongdoing on each other’s behalf. [Michaber ibid; See Yevamos117a]
[3] Michaber E.H. 22:10 “So too, Yichud is permitted with a woman that has a small female child with her who knows the taste of intercourse and does not give herself up for intercourse”; Kiddushin 81b
[4] See Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 22 who leaves this matter in question; Maaseh Eliyahu Mani 107; Taharas Yisrael 22:6; Shaar Shimon Echad 5:8; Orchos Habayis 14:30 footnote 71
[5] Mahariy Viyal 55; Beis Shlomo O.C. 48 [lenient in time of need]; Chaim Veshalom [Falagi] 19; Rei Chaim Parshas Vayeishev; Devar Halacha 8:4 in name of Chazon Ish; Igros Moshe 2:15; E.H. 4:65-8; Tzitz Eliezer 6:14; Nitei Gavriel Teshuvah 3 and 40:1; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1032
[6] The reason: They serve as a safeguard, similar to the role of a spouse, since anyone who has no interest in inappropriate behavior effectively acts as a protective presence. [See Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 22]
[7] Yosef Ometz [Chida] 26; Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H 22:2 in name of Zechor Leavraham 3 Os Yichud; Nesivos Leshabbos E.H. 22:4; Chafetz Chaim [Falagi] 38 Mem [unlike his later ruling in Chaim Veshalom ibid]; Sephardic Rabbanim; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1031
[8] The reason: As the Poskim explicitly mention only Ishto Mishameret (one’s wife as a safeguard). Others may conceal misconduct (Michapeh) and not disclose it to others. [See Ezer Mikodesh E.H. 22]
[9] See Rama Y.D. 192:4; Raavad; Devar Halacha 8:7; Nitei Gavriel 27:8
[10] Taz 22:9; Rashal Kiddushin 4:24; Dvar Halacha 5:23-24; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 24:16 footnote 26; The laws of Yichud ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that at night two Shomrim are required. [Beis Moshe 22:14, brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid]
[11] Igros Moshe 2:15; 4:65-8; Nitei Gavriel 27:4 and Nitei Gavriel Teshuvah 3 p. 381
[12] Rama ibid; Tur 22:5 in name of Rosh; Tana Kama in Kiddushin 80b
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that a woman may not be alone even with many men unless another Yichud breaker is applicable. [Michaber 22:5; Tur 22:5 in name of Rambam Issurei Biyah 22:8; Rebbe Shimon in Kiddushin ibid] The Sephardi custom is like this opinion. [Heard from Harav Yaakov Yosef; Nitei Gavriel 17:2]
