Forgiving your honor as a parent- Part 2

Forgiving your honor as a parent-Part 2:[1]

Mechila in matters of fear: Some Poskim[2] rule that the ability for a parent to forgive his honor only applies to those matters that a child has to perform out of honor for his parent, however, those matters that a child has to perform due to the Mitzvah to fear his parent, cannot be forgiven by the parent. Other Poskim[3], however, rule that even matters that a child is required to perform out of fear for his parent, may be forgiven by the parent. Thus, it is permitted for a parent to allow a child to sit in his designated place, or to voice an opinion which is contrary to his opinion. Practically, the main ruling is like this opinion.[4]

Mechila of shame or pain: According to all opinions, a parent cannot forgive his shame or pain. Hence, a parent cannot give permission for a child to embarrass him.[5] Likewise, a parent cannot give permission to his child to cause him physical pain.[6]

How to be Mochel [i.e. forgive honor]:[7] The parent must explicitly express to the child that he forgives his honor in a certain matter in order for it to become permitted for the child to be lenient in it. It does not suffice simply for the child to assume that his parent is Mochel because the parent was silent and did not protest the lack of respect. [If, however, the custom of the world is to be lenient in a certain matter of honor, then one can assume that his parent as well is Mochel, even if he did not hear this explicitly from the parent.[8]]

Revoking a Mechila:[9] A parent who forgives a certain honor has the right to later retract this forgiveness, and obligate his child in the honor which he forgave in the past.

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[1] Michaber 240:19; Tur 240:19; Rambam Mamrim 6:8; Kiddushin 32a; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:51

[2] Birkeiy Yosef 240:13 in name of Imrei Noam; Biur Harav Perlow on Rasag Mitzvas Asei 9; Az Nidbaru 11:31

[3] Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 212; Kneses Hagedola 244; Mishkanos Yaakov Parshas Korach based on Setimas Kol Haposkim; Conclusion of Birkeiy Yosef 240:13; Chayeh Adam 67:8 regarding calling another by father’s name; Teshuvah Meahavah 370; Turei Even Megillah 28; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9 regarding sitting in set place in Shul; Chazon Ish Y.D. 19:1; Sefer Limudei Hashem Limud 37 that so is proven from Shut Harashba 1:18

[4] Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid

[5] Sheilasos Sheilta Samech; Shut Harivash 220 in name of Raavad; Bedek Habayis of Beis Yosef 334; Turei Even Megillah 28a; Orchos Chaim Dinei Kibud Av 2; Leket Yosher 2:37; Kesef Mishneh Talmud Torah 7:13; Shut Haranach 69; Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 212

[6] Orchos Chaim Dinei Kibud Av 2; Moshav Zekeinim Vayikra 19; Shiyurei Bracha 240:9; Minchas Yitzchak 1:27; Shevet Halevi 2:112-4;

[7] Beis Lechem Yehuda 242:32; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:51

[8] Yosher Horaiy  6:1; Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid; See Chayeh Adam 67:8; Aruch Hashulchan 240:9

[9] Maharam Shick Y.D. 218; Shevet Halevi 2:111-15; Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid