This article is an excerpt from our Sefer
The definition of Shiur Gearah-When may an Avel for the passing of a parent get a haircut?[1]
One who is in mourning for a relative other than his parent may cut his hair after the conclusion of Shloshim. However, one who is in mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut until [thirty days have passed[2] and] he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance.[3]
How long to wait if one is not reprimanded:[4] There is a dispute amongst Poskim[5] as to when this time of reprimanding is reached [in the event that his friends do not reprimand him[6]]. Practically, the custom is that after three months [from the beginning of Aveilus[7]] one may get a haircut [even if he is not reprimanded[8]]. This is formally known as Shiur Gearah.
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Summary: *Includes crucial points explained in Q&A! First month: One who is within the first month of mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut even if he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance. 2nd-3rd month: One who is within the 2nd-3rd month of mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut unless he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance. After third month: One who is three months past the start of the mourning [Aninus] may take a haircut even if he is not reprimanded. Q&A on Shiur Gearah From when does one begin to count the three months? Some Poskim[9] rule the three months begins from the beginning of Aveilus, which means from the time of Aninus and onwards.[10] Other Poskim[11] rule it begins from one’s last haircut. Other Poskim[12] rule one may only be lenient to count from one’s last haircut if his friends reprimanded him. Practically, one is to be stringent to count three months from the beginning of Aveilus.[13] If three months have passed, must one wait until he is reprimanded to cut his hair? No. If three months have passed one may cut his hair even if he is not reprimanded.[14] Nevertheless, some Poskim[15] are stringent to require reprimanding even after three months.
If three months has not yet passed, may he cut his hair if he is reprimanded?[16] If one is reprimanded within thirty days from the mourning, he nevertheless remains prohibited in taking a haircut. If, however, one is reprimanded after thirty days, then one may cut his hair even prior to three months. If one is reprimanded on the thirtieth day, he may take a haircut.[17] Some are accustomed even initially to arrange to have a friend reprimand them after the passing of a few days after the Shloshim, and they then cut their hair.[18] Must three months pass between each successive haircut taken during the 12 months?[19] No. Once three months have passed from the beginning of Aveilus one can take as many haircuts as he desires in close proximity.[20] However, some Poskim[21] are stringent to require there to be three months between each haircut within the first twelve months, [unless it is a time of need, in which case one does not need to wait Shiur Gearah between each haircut[22]]. Q&A on Gearah Must the mourner be reprimanded specifically by a Jew?[23] No. It is valid even if he is reprimanded by a gentile whom one is acquainted with, such as a business partner or coworker. May the Jew ask someone to reprimand him so he can get a haircut?[24] No. However, he may purposely make his long hair visible in order to motivate people to do so. Is the reprimanding valid if the people do not know that he is in mourning?[25] Yes, it is valid even if they are unaware of his state of mourning. |
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[1] Michaber Y.D. 390:4; Moed Katan 22b; See Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26 for a general discussion of this law
[2] Michaber 380:1 and 390:1; See Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50
[3] Michaber ibid; Gemara ibid
[4] Rama 390:4; Agudah; Maharil; Ran
Intent of three months: The Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26 gives four possible explanations into the intent of the Rama to wait 3 months: 1) One cannot cut his hair before three months even if he is reprimanded, and after three months it is allowed even if no one reprimands him. 2) If there is no one around to reprimand him then after three months he may cut his hair. 3) Within three months it does not help to be reprimanded, although after three months, if one is reprimanded, he may get a haircut. 4) One can cut his hair even prior to three months if he is reprimanded, and if he was not reprimanded, he may cut his hair after three months.
Other customs: Some are accustomed that mourners of a parent do not to get a haircut for the entire 12 months, unless there is a need, such as one’s hair is too heavy to carry, or he is acquainted with gentiles and is not considered representable amongst them due to his hair, in which case he may cut his hair. [Rama ibid; See Chayeh Adam 165:27; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12]
[5] Some Poskim rule the Shiur is two months. [Smak] Others rule it is after one month. [See Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 51; Divrei Nechemia ibid; Nitei Gavriel 3:10]
[6] Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50; Daas Kedoshim 390; Nitei Gavriel 3:14
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may only be lenient to cut his hair if his friend reprimands him, if three months have passed from his last haircut. [Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26]
[7] See Q&A!
[8] See Poskim ibid and Q&A!
[9] Conclusion of Maharam Shick Yoreh Deah 371; Daas Torah 390; Maharshag 2:214
[10] Meaning, that even if there were many days that passed between the death and burial, and subsequent start of Shiva, nevertheless one counts from the time of death.
[11] Initial ruling of Maharam Shick ibid; Hisorerus Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 204; Yosef Daas 390; Gesher Hachaim 21:11-3
[12] Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26; See there that he gives 4 possible explanations into the intent of the Rama to wait 3 months: 1) One cannot cut his hair before three months even if he is reprimanded, and after three months it is allowed even if no one reprimands him. 2) If there is no one around to reprimand him then after three months he may cut his hair. 3) Within three months it does not help to be reprimanded, although after three months, if one is reprimanded, he may get a haircut. 4) One can cut his hair even prior to three months if he is reprimanded, and if he was not reprimanded, he may cut his hair after three months.
[13] Nitei Gavriel 4:1; Rav Ginzberg; Rav Levi Garelick
[14] Birkeiy Yosef 390 in name of Rabbeinu Yeshaya Harishon 156 “Those that are particular to wait until they are reprimanded even after Shiur Gearah has passed, are foolish, as it is not the reprimanding that permits the haircut, but the span of time which makes one fit to be reprimanded.”; Mishmeres Shalom
[15] See Divrei Nechemia ibid
[16] Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50; Daas Kedoshim 390; Nitei Gavriel 3:14
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may only be lenient to cut his hair if his friend reprimands him, if three months have passed from his last haircut. [Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26]
[17] Rav Akiva Eiger 390
[18] Sephardic custom recorded in Chaim Sheol 2:23; Shulchan Gavoa 390:12; Or Zarua 2:446; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:2
[19] See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:3
[20] Rav Akiva Eiger 390:4 based on Or Zarua brought in Darkei Moshe; Adnei Paz 8; Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:4; Panim Meiros 2:53; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1137; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 3
[21] Derech Hachaim; Implication of Chasam Sofer Y.D. 247 “It suffices to get a haircut every three months”; Yosef Daas 390; Darkei Hachaim 13:3; Gesher Hachaim 21; See Custom brought in Rama 390:4; Chayeh Adam 165:27; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:156 that it is proper to be stringent; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 3; Nitei Gavriel ibid concludes to be stringent unless it is a time of need
[22] Nitei Gavriel ibid
[23] See Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:3
[24] Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:4
[25] Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:6
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