Lag Baomer-Part 2-Laws & Customs-Music, weddings & Haircuts & Summary of laws

2. The Customs:

Various traditions exist within the Lag BaOmer celebration. The legal aspect of these customs relates simply to the ceasing of death of the students of Rebbe Akiva, and hence we halt the mourning customs, and mourning associated rituals. On the other hand, various other customs of joy and happiness also exist on this day which represent much more than the simple legal cease of mourning.[1] This is due to the Simcha of the Rashbi who passed away on this day.[2]  

A. Cease of mourning customs:

Ashkenazim: The mourning customs cease to be practiced by Ashkenazim on Lag BaOmer.[3] This applies according to all Ashkenazi customs of the mourning period, including those who continue to practice mourning after Lag Baomer.[4]

Sephardim:[5] Sephardim follow the mourning custom until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer.[6] Hence, they do not get married or cut hair, or cease any of the mourning customs until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer. [This is with exception to listening to music which is permitted even for Sephardim on Lag Baomer due to the Simcha of Rashbi.[7]]

The mourning customs that become permitted on Lag Baomer: One may listen to music, and Ashkenazim may get married and recite Shehechiyanu on Lag Baomer, and from the letter of the law, may also get a haircut. However, those accustomed like the Arizal do not take a haircut on Lag BaOmer, until Erev Shavuos, and so is the Chabad custom.[8] It is permitted to get married on Lag Baomer even according to those who follow the custom of the Arizal regarding haircuts.[9] However some[10] are stringent in this matter. Practically, the Chabad custom is to permit weddings on Lag Baomer.[11] Those who continue the morning period after Lag BaOmer, are to resume the mourning customs beginning from the night of the 34th of the Omer, which is Motzei Lag BaOmer.  

When do the mourning customs cease-night or day?[12] Some Poskim[13] rule that the mourning customs are followed during the night of Lag BaOmer up until after day break. Other Poskim[14], however, rule that the mourning customs cease to be practiced beginning from the night [i.e. Tzeis Hakochavim[15]] of Lag BaOmer. Practically, the main custom follows the latter opinion, and so is the current Chabad custom[16], although some are stringent like the first approach. One may hence get a haircut [unless one follows the Kabalistic custom, as is the Chabad custom] listen to music, get married and recite Shehechiyanu from that time.

Lag Baomer that falls on Sunday:[17] In years that Lag BaOmer falls on Sunday the custom is to get a haircut on Erev Shabbos, in honor of Shabbos. [Those who follow the custom of the Arizal do not take a haircut until Erev Shavuos, as stated above.] [Some Poskim[18] are lenient to even allow weddings on Friday in such a scenario.]

Q&A May an Upsherinish child have his haircut on the night of Lag BaOmer?[19] Yes.[20]   May an Upsherinish child have his haircut on Motzei Lag BaOmer [for those who continue the mourning customs after Lag Baomer]?[21] The hair is to be cut on Lag BaOmer itself. If, however, there is any leftover hair then it may also be cut on Motzei Lag BaOmer.   May the Chuppah take place on Erev Lag BaOmer, before nightfall?[22] No. One is to delay the Chuppah until after nightfall. May the Chuppah take place on Lag Baomer, after sunset [for those who continue the mourning customs after Lag Baomer]? No. The Chuppah must take place before sunset. If, however, for whatever reason the Chuppah was delayed, some Poskim[23] are lenient in a time of great need.   May one play the music of the wedding on Motzei Lag Baomer? Some Poskim[24] rule that if the Chuppah took place on Lag BaOmer, it is permitted to continue with the music on Motzei Lag BaOmer. However, other Poskim[25] are stringent. [Practically, the Rebbe asked Rabbi Groner to visit the wedding halls on Lag Baomer and ask them to stop playing the music starting from sunset.[26]]    Q&A on Avel May an Avel participate in singing and dancing on Lag Baomer? No. May an Avel join a Tahalucha for Lag Baomer if there will be music?[27] Yes. However, he may not participate in a concert or in the dancing. May an Avel go to Meron on Lag Baomer?[28] Yes. However, he may not participate in a concert, or in the dancing. May an Avel join a wedding on Lag Baomer?[29] Some Poskim[30] rule an Avel may join a wedding on Lag Baomer.[31] Practically, one may be lenient by the wedding of a relative in which the Chasan and Kallah will be pained by their absence.

From the Rav’s Desk Question: [Wednesday, 16th Iyar 5781] Is it permitted for one to listen to music starting from sunset of Lag Baomer, or must wait until nighttime [i..e Tzeis Hakochavim]?   Answer: One is to wait and not listen to music until after nightfall.   Explanation: In general, there is a debate in the Poskim regarding if the mourning customs are ceased to be practiced only starting from the morning of Lag Baomer, or from the previous night. Even according to the latter opinion, which is the way we rule in Chabad following the rulings of the Alter Rebbe, one should only begin the celebration and suspension of mourning customs after nightfall, as prior to nightfall it is considered questionably still day and we find regarding many Halachic matters that one should be stringent and treat it like both day and night. Thus, we rule that initially one should not count the Omer until after nightfall. Furthermore, regarding this matter itself we find in the Poskim that on Lag Baomer day one should not play music after sunset, and hence the same would apply to before nightfall on Erev Lag Baomer.   Sources: Nitei Gavriel 48:18; Regarding the dispute if the mourning customs are suspended from the morning or night of Lag Baomer, see: Admur 493:5; Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 3:34; Shaarey Halacha Uminhag 5:55]; Regarding not playing music after sunset of Lag Baomer, see: Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 493, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 493 footnote 1; Maharsham 493 in name of Daas Kedoshim; Minchas Yitzchak 1:111; Shraga Hameir 2:13; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 and footnote 39

Summary of laws of Lag Baomer

• Simcha/Joy: It is accustomed to increase in joy on Lag BaOmer. It is a Mitzvah to rejoice the joy of Rashbi. Due to this, “One is to rejoice with all his heart and soul and make a day of feasting and joy on the 18th of Iyar, and sing praise to Hashem from the book of Tehillim, however he is not to enter into drunkenness and frivolity, Heaven forbid.” This joyous celebration applies even in the Diaspora, although is much more exorbitant in Eretz Yisrael.
• Tachanun: Tachanun [and Lamnatzeiach and Keil Erech Apayim] is omitted on Lag BaOmer. It is omitted beginning from Mincha of the 17th of Iyar [Erev Lag BaOmer]. One who says Tachanun on this day arouses Divine judgment against himself. When Lag Baomer falls on Sunday, Tzidkascha Tzedek is omitted from Mincha of Shabbos.
• Fasting: One is not to fast on Lag Baomer, as is the law regarding any day in which Tachanun is omitted.
• Cease of mourning customs: The mourning customs cease to be practiced on Lag BaOmer. [One may hence listen to music, get married and recite Shehechiyanu on Lag Baomer.] Those accustomed like the Arizal do not take a haircut on Lag BaOmer, until Erev Shavuos, and so is the Chabad custom. [It is permitted to get married on Lag Baomer even according to those who follow the custom of the Arizal regarding haircuts. However, some are stringent in this matter. Practically, the Chabad custom is to permit weddings on Lag Baomer.] Those who continue the morning period after Lag BaOmer, are to resume the mourning customs beginning from the night of the 34th of the Omer, which is Motzei Lag BaOmer.
• When do the mourning customs cease-night or day? The mourning customs cease to be practiced beginning from the night of Lag BaOmer. One may hence get a haircut [unless one follows the Kabalistic custom] listen to music, get married and recite Shehechiyanu from that time.
• Feast: One is to have a festive meal in honor of Lag BaOmer.
• Increase Tehillim: One is to increase in the saying of Tehillim on Lag BaOmer.
• Carobs: It is customary to eat carobs on Lag BaOmer, in memory of the carobs eaten by Rashbi when he was in the cave for 13 years.
• Eggs: It is customary to eat hard boiled eggs on Lag BaOmer. This custom was followed by the Chabad Rabbeim and Chabad Chassidim of many generations. Others however write to specifically not eat eggs on this day in order not to resemble any matter of mourning. It is told that the Rebbe would eat hard boiled eggs that had their shells colored brown during the cooking.
• Bows and arrows: It is customary for children to play with bows and arrows on this day, in commemoration that in the times of Rashbi the rainbow was not seen.
• The Pilgrimage to Meron: The custom of those in Eretz Yisrael is to visit the Kever of the Rashbi on Lag BaOmer. By the Kever one is to rejoice with great jubilance. This is based on an old custom dating thousands of years, to visit the gravesite of a Tzaddik on the day of his passing. This custom was followed by the Arizal, who went with his wife and children to Meron and remained there for three days. He had also once gone there a previous year to perform the Upsherinish of his son in Meron. This custom is rooted in holiness. Thus, those who are able to do so, are to travel to Meron on Lag BaOmer. The community leaders are to arrange transportation from their area to Meron.
• The spiritual preparation for the visit: One must be extremely careful to act appropriately while visiting Rebbe Shimon, and not perform any frivolity matters while there, not to mention matters of sin, Heaven Forefend. This is in contrast to that which we see done today in which people have frivolous parties at the site of the Tzaddik, and certainly this causes the soul of the Tzaddik to flee and be elevated to the upper worlds. If however the visitors come properly spiritually prepared, after repentance, then certainly the Tzaddik partakes in one’s visit and hears his prayers.
• Bon fire: It is customary to light bon fires in honor of Rebbe Shimon and Lag BaOmer. This is done out of celebration, and in memory of Rebbe Shimon, as it is customary to light a candle in the memory of the deceased. Many are accustomed to throw expensive clothing and gold into the fire. However, the Poskim have spoken against such actions due to the prohibition of Baal Tashchis.
• Increasing in Penimiyus Hatorah: Lag BaOmer is an auspicious day for the study of the inner dimensions of the Torah, which was the life and spirit of Rebbe Shimon, the author of the Zohar. On this day, praised is the person who resolves to strengthen in learning Penimiyus Hatorah, with himself and with others.
• Lag BaOmer Parade: It is an old Jewish custom, which is Torah, that on Lag BaOmer, the Yom Hillula of Rashbi, time is spent with Jewish children, both boys and girls. They are taken out to the fields or to a parade, in honor of the Hilulla of Rashbi. In each area the community leaders are to arrange a parade or gathering in honor of Lag BaOmer, each area in accordance to what befits it. The parade is to take place in a public area. The children are to be spoken to of the greatness of Lag BaOmer, and the character of the Rashbi, and that which they can learn from him. They are to be told Pesukim, and give Tzedaka. The event is to be separately attended by both men and women, in the ultimate standards of Tznius.

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[1] Is the ceasing of mourning customs on Lag Baomer also alternatively due to the Hillula of Rashbi? Seemingly yes, as according to all the customs that keep Aveilus after Lag Baomer, they hold that indeed Rebbe Akiva’s students did not stop dying on that day [See P”M 493 M”Z 1 in opinion of Michaber and later on in second Ashkenazi custom]

[2] Likkutei Sichos 3:1102

[3] Admur 493:5 [according to all opinions mentioned there]; Rama 493:2

Other opinions-Custom of Sephardim: The above ruling is only in accordance to the ruling of the Rama ibid that the last of the students stopped dying on the 33^rd day of the Omer. However according to the Michaber 493:2 the mourning custom fully apply up until the morning of the 34^th day of the Omer as in his opinion the last of the students died on the 34^th day of the Omer. This is the custom of the Sephardim, and they hence do not get married or cut hair, or cease any of the mourning customs until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer. [Michaber 493:2; Peri Chadash 493:1; Mamar Mordechai 493:3; Kaf Hachaim 493:25; Yabia Omer 3:26; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 that so is the Sephardic custom]

[4] Admur 493:5-6; Rama ibid “In many communities they are accustomed to get haircuts until Rosh Chodesh Iyar. In such places, they are not to cut their hair after Lag Baomer, even though they may do so on Lag Baomer itself.”

[5] Michaber 493:2; Peri Chadash 493:1; Mamar Mordechai 493:3; Kaf Hachaim 493:25; Yabia Omer 3:26; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 that so is the Sephardic custom

[6] The reason: According to the Michaber 493:2 the mourning custom fully apply up until the morning of the 34th day of the Omer as in his opinion the last of the students died on the 34th day of the Omer.

[7] See Yechaveh Daas 3:30; Nitei Gavriel 53:2

[8] See Chapter 2 Halacha 6

[9] Birkeiy Yosef 493:10; Minchas Elazar 4:60; Devar Moshe 1:31; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:15

[10] Divrei Yoel 1:26; See Birkeiy Yosef and Minchas Elazar ibid for some who are accustomed to avoid even weddings on Lag Baomer; See next footnote that the initial Chabad custom was to avoid weddings on Lag Baomer.

The reason: This is due to the fact that weddings are more severe than a haircut, and if according to the Arizal we avoid haircuts on Lag Baomer, then certainly one is to avoid weddings. [See Poskim ibid] However, in truth, this reason is negated as the Kabalistic reason for avoiding haircuts has nothing to do with mourning. [Minchas Elazar ibid and Birkeiy Yosef ibid] An alternative explanation is that one is to avoid getting married in the second half of the month. [See Michaber Y.D. 179:2; Rama E.H. 64:3]

[11] In the early years the Rebbe answered that one should not get married on Lag BaOmer, but rather on Isru Chag Shavuos. [Igros Kodesh 8 p. 318; See Shulchan Menachem 3:34; 6:37; Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 284] In one letter the Rebbe stated that the Chabad custom is not to get married at all during Sefirah, not even on Lag Baomer. [See Shulchan Menachem 6:37] However in later years the Rebbe authorized weddings on Lag Baomer. [Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703; Shulchan Menachem 3:34] Practically, so was the custom in the Rebbe’s neighborhood to wed on Lag BaOmer. [Hisvadyos 1989 3 p. 178]

[12] See Admur 493:5

[13] 1^st opinion in Admur ibid; Rama 493:2; Kneses Hagedola 493:1; Elya Raba 493:7 [regarding weddings]; Beis David 280; Kitzur SHU”A 120:6; M”B 493:11

Background: The 1^st opinion in Admur ibid states that the mourning customs are followed during the night of Lag BaOmer up until after day break, being that Lag BaOmer is the 33^rd day of mourning, and even on this day there were some students who died [and hence reached the grand total of 24,000 deaths]. The mourning customs end after daybreak of Lag BaOmer, being we always apply the rule of Miktzas Hayom Kikulo to the last day of mourning, as explained in Yoreh Deah 395:1. According to this opinion, from that time and onwards the mourning customs are no longer followed. [Admur ibid; Rama 493:2] So also rules [to cease the customs only after sunrise]: Kneses Hagedola 493:1; Elya Raba 493:7 [regarding weddings]; Beis David 280; Kitzur SHU”A 120:6; M”B 493:11

[14] 2^nd opinion mentioned in Admur 493:5; Peri Chadash 493:2; Mor Uketzial; Machazik Bracha 493:5; Shaarey Teshuvah 493:5; Beir Heiytiv 493:5 in name of Chok Yaakov “Those who do not say Tachanun on Erev Lag BaOmer are likewise to cease the mourning customs by night.”; Lev Chaim 2:97; Mahariy Asaad E.H. 39; Chelkas Yaakov 1:99; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 based on Chasam Sofer 142 that haircuts and weddings have the same law; Igros Moshe 1:159; Rebbe in Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 3:34; Shaarey Halacha Uminhag 5:55] based on Siddur Admur that rules like this opinion, that Tachanun is not said on Erev Lag BaOmer.

[15] Nitei Gavriel 48:18

[16] The Rebbe’s opinion: In the early years the Rebbe answered that one should abide by this stringent opinion, to not cease the mourning customs until the day of Lag BaOmer. [Igros Kodesh 8 p. 318; See Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 284] However in later years the Rebbe finalized, based on Admur in the Siddur, that the mourning customs cease at night and hence weddings may take place then. [Sichas Kodesh 5737 1:703; Shulchan Menachem 3:34] Practically, the Rebbe accepted this as the final ruling and so was the custom in the Rebbe’s neighborhood to wed on the night of Lag BaOmer. [See Hisvadyos 1989 3 p. 178]

[17] Admur 493:5; Rama 493:2 in name of Mahriy Viyal  51

Custom of Sefaradim: According to the ruling of the Michaber one may not get a haircut even in such an occurrence. [Kaf Hachaim 493:32]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden to get a haircut on Friday even in such a scenario. [Leket Yosher p. 97; Maharil and Elya Raba 493:9 brought in Kaf Hachaim 493:33-34]

[18] Halef Lecha Shlomo 330; Divrei Malkel 3:23

[19] Nitei Gavriel Upsherinish 12:3

[20] The reason: This is based on our custom above to not recite Tachanun beginning from Erev Lag BaOmer; Furthermore, from the letter of the law a child may have an Upsherinish any time during Sefira, and it is only based on Kabala that we delay it until Lag BaOmer. [See Igros Kodesh 9:58] There is hence no reason to require delaying it until morning. Nevertheless, many are accustomed to only do so after sunrise. 

[21] Shevet Hakehasi 4:143; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 footnote 82; Regarding this allowance on Chol Hamoed see: Kapei Aaron 51; Chol Hamoed Kihilchaso 3:6 [p.122]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 531:2; See P”M 531 A”A 12

[22] Nitei Gavriel 48:18

[23] Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 493, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 493 footnote 1

[24] Igros Moshe 97; Nitei Gavriel 48:19

[25] See Maharsham 493 in name of Daas Kedoshim; Minchas Yitzchak 1:111; Shraga Hameir 2:13; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 and footnote 39

[26] Heard from Rabbi Groner, however the dancing may continue

[27] See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 31:10; Heard from Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen

[28] Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 31:10; Heard from Harav Eli Landa; Harav Asher Lemel Hakohen

[29] Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 16:13

[30] Baruch Hashem 120

[31] The reason: As since the Sages differed the mourning of the public for the sake of rejoicing on Lag Baomer then certainly they differed the mourning of an individual. [ibid]