Chapter 7: The Sandek[1]

1. General details:

It is a Jewish custom to honor an individual to hold the child on his lap throughout the circumcision. This individual is referred to as the Baal Habris, or Sandek. Customarily, people would place much effort to be chosen as the Sandek and fulfill the Mitzvah of holding the child during the circumcision.[2] [Being that he assists in the circumcision by holding the child, he is considered to have an active part in the circumcision and is included within the Mitzvah.[3]]

 

2. Greatness of position:[4]

Mizbeiach & Ketores:[5] The legs of the Sandik are compared to an altar and he is considered to be offering Ketores.

Greater than the Mohel:[6] The Sandek is an even greater honor than the Mohel, and hence receives precedence in getting an Aliyah to the Torah over the Mohel.

Wealth:[7] Being a Sandek is a Segula for wealth.[8]

Long life:[9] Being a Sandek is a Segula for long life.

Pegam Habris:[10] Being a Sandek is a Segula for Tikkun Pegam Habris.

 

3. Who to honor as Sandek:[11]

One should choose as the Sandek the individual who is most good and righteous in order so he have the proper concentrations upon holding the child during the circumcision, and hence influence that the child be righteous like him. Hence a Sandek should only be chosen due to his righteousness, and not due to one’s friendship with him, unless the friend is in truth also righteous.[12]

Grandfather:[13] Some are accustomed to honor their father with the position of Sandek upon the birth of their firstborn son. The husband’s father is honored to be Sandek for the firstborn son while the wife’s father is honored to be Sandek for the second son.[14] Others are accustomed to honor the husband’s grandfather to be Sandek for the firstborn son.[15] However, since one is required to proceed his own father to be Sandek, over his father’s father, he therefore must receive permission from his father to do so.[16] In the event that the father of the child was the Sandek for his firstborn son, then by their second son the father of the wife receives precedence to be Sandek over the father of the husband.[17]

Woman:[18] A woman is not to be the Sandek if a man is available to do it, being that this is considered Peritzus. Nonetheless, she may help her husband [who is Sandek] and bring the child to the shul and hand him to her husband who will then sit as Sandek. Nonetheless, it is valid if the man does everything himself without the help of the woman. [Practically, it is not customary today for the wife of the Sandek to be involved in the handing of the baby to her husband, although a similar custom is practiced in the form of the Kevatrin.]

Father of the child: It is permitted and praiseworthy for a father to be the Sandek for [one of] his son’s Bris, and so is the custom.[19] Some even learn that it is commensurate to him bein`n g the actual Mohel, and fulfills the Mitzvah of personally circumcising his son.[20] When the father is the Sandek, he says the blessing of Lehachniso while sitting.[21] [However, this should only be done if none of the grandfathers will be offended in not receiving the honor, such as if they will not be present by the Bris, or have already been the Sandek of one of his previous sons, in which case we do not honor him twice.] Regarding whether a father may be a Sandek more than once for his sons, although some Poskim[22] argue for allowance, practically the custom is not to do so, and hence a father can merit himself one time to be the Sandek of one of his sons.[23]

Husband versus wife:[24] If the husband and wife cannot agree on who should be the Sandek, each one desiring to choose their relative, then one is to choose whichever one of the two candidates is the greatest in Torah learning and good deeds. If both are of equal stature, then the husbands relative comes first. [However, by the first two sons, the husband gets to choose his father to be the Sandek, and the wife gets to choose her father to be the Sandek by the second son, as stated above.]

Q&A Must one listen to his parent if he does not want him to be a Sandek for a Bris?[25] No, as it is a Mitzvah to do so, and his parents cannot protest Mitzvah’s.

4. Appointing another Sandek:[26]

Once an individual has been asked by the father to be the Sandek, it is forbidden for the father to go back on his word and ask somebody else to do so, just as we rule in regards to a Mohel.[27]

The second Sandek is more righteous or a greater friend:[28] In the event that one found a more righteous Sandek, or a Sandek who is a greater friend, then one may even initially retract from his original appointment and appoint the more righteous Sandek, or a Sandek who is a greater friend, if one would have definitely appointed him initially if he was around at the time of the appointment of the original Sandek. [This however may only be done at least one or two days before the circumcision and not in close proximity to the circumcision as doing so will shame and embarrass the original Sandek.[29]]

May the second Sandek do so if asked:[30] If the father transgresses and retracts from the appointment and asks another Mohel to do so, then it is permitted for the second Mohel to do so.

5. Being a Sandek twice:[31]

It is customary not to honor the same individual twice as Sandek, to be the Sandek for more than one son of an individual.[32] [This is practiced even today.[33] Some are stringent in this even if the child has died.[34] However, there is no issue for one to be Sandek twice on behalf of sons of different individuals.[35] However, some Poskim[36] are stringent in this matter. If one is unsure if a person has already been honored to be the Sandek for one of his sons, he is to be stringent.[37]]

Child died r”l: Some Poskim[38] rule that if the previous son has died r”l then it is permitted for the person who was the Sandek for their son to be the Sandek also for the second son. Other Poskim[39], however, rule that even in such a case one should not be a Sandek for a second son.

Father of child: Some Poskim[40] rule that this restriction applies even to the father of the child that he should not be a Sandek for more than one of his sons, and so is the Chabad custom. Other Poskim[41], however, rule that there is no issue for a father [and some say even other relatives[42]] to be a Sandek for more than one of his sons.

Is the prohibition on the Sandek himself: Some Poskim[43] rule that this prohibition only applies to the father of the child, that he may not honor the same person to be Sandek twice. However, if a person was offered to be Sandek for a second son, then there is no prohibition for him to do so. Other Poskim[44], however, rule that the worry applies both to the father of the child and to the Sandek himself, and hence he is to refuse being Sandek for more than one child.

Rav of city:[45] Some Poskim[46] rule that the Rav of the community may be Sandek for more than one son of the same father, and so is the Chabad custom.[47] Other Poskim[48], however, are stringent even in such a case.

6. Preparation & Attire:

Tevila:[49] It is customary for the Sandek to immerse in a Mikveh in the morning in honor of the Bris.

Aliya: The Sandek is considered a Chiyuv on the Shabbos before the Mila or Shabbos of the Mila and on the day of the Bris [if it falls on a  Monday or Thursday[50]].[51] Nevertheless, the custom today is not to be particular in this matter, and not to treat them as a Chiyuv for an Aliya, and rather they are given a different honor, such as Hagbah.[52] The Sandek is an even greater position than the Mohel, and hence receives precedence in getting an Aliyah to the Torah over the Mohel.[53]

Haircut:[54] It is customary for the Sandek to get a haircut in honor of the Bris.

Shabbos clothing:[55] It is customary for the Sandek wear Shabbos clothing for the Bris.

Tallis:[56] It is customary for the Sandek to wear a Tallis. [This was likewise the custom of the Rebbe Rayatz and Rebbe, who wore a Tallis upon being honored with Sandakaus.[57] According to Chabad custom, the Tallis is worn without a blessing if one had it in mind at the time of the wearing by Shacharis to also include the wearing of the Tallis by the Bris.[58]] On Tisha b’Av, if the Bris is taking place in the morning then a Tallis is not to be worn, although one is not to protest against one who does so.

Concentration:[59] At the time of the circumcision, the father of the child, Mohel, and Sandek are to prepare their minds and thoughts for the Mitzvah. In addition to the seriousness of the moment they should also be filled with joy that G-d has merited them to fulfill such a great Mitzvah which is similar to offering a sacrifice before G-d of which there is no greater level. If the Mohel has proper concentration, this will make a large effect above in heaven and this child will not hurriedly sin and the blood of the circumcision will be marked in the chambers of heaven near the throne of G-d.

7. Where to sit:[60]

It is customary to prepare a chair for Elijah Hanavi who is referred to as Malach Habris. The baby is placed on this chair when he is circumcised.[61] Some are accustomed for the Sandek to sit on this chair and hold the baby on his lap during the Bris[62], and so is the widespread Chabad custom.[63] Others however hold that the chair should be split into two parts and appear like two chairs.[64] For this reason some are accustomed to have a very wide chair for this purpose.[65] Others are accustomed to have two actual chairs, one for Eliyahu, and one for the Sandek[66], and so directed the Rebbe on one occasion.[67] Others have two chairs placed next to each other and cover them with a sheet so they appear like one chair.[68]

8. How to hold onto the child:[69]

Upon placing the child on the thigh of the Sandek, the Sandek should have his feet rest on a low stool in order to elevate his legs and make his holding of the child be more sturdy and firm. [The stool should not be too high in a way that it causes his legs to be elevated towards his chest and rather they are to be flat.] The two legs of the Sandek are to be pressed against each other in order to prevent the child from falling. He should firmly hold onto the legs of the child to prevent them from moving during the circumcision which is of great danger. All in all, it is the Sandek’s job to assist the Mohel and make it possible for him to perform the circumcision in a safe and valid method.

[1] See Rama Y.D. 265:11; Or Zarua 2:107; Yalkut Shimoni Tehillim 35:6; Maharil Hilchos Mila in name of Midrash Socher Tov; Shevach Habris 17:1-9; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:28-29; See Encyclopedia Talmudit Vol. 4 Erech Bris Mila p. 250 footnotes 61-77

[2] Rama ibid; Hagahos Maimanis 3 Hilchos Mila

[3] See Admur 328:3 and 21 and 340:2; Chacham Tzevi 82; Kelalei Hamila p. 66; Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:35

[4] Shevach Habris 17:2; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:29

[5] Rama Y.D. 265:11 “Every Sandek is like one who offers incense”; Maharil ibid; Chasam Sofer O.C. 159; Eretz Tzevi 1 Hashmatoz p. 293

[6] Rama Y.D. 265:11 “The power of the Sandek is even greater than that of the Mohel, and he hence is to receive precedence to the Torah”;

[7] Maharil ibid; Toras Menachem 5745 3:1958

[8] The reason: As the Sandek is compared to one who offers the incense in the temple, and it states that the offering of the incense would make the person become rich. [Maharil ibid]

[9] Toras Menachem 5745 3:1958

[10] Birkeiy Yosef 265:17; Avodas Hakodesh Tziporen Shamir 6 Kuf; Derech Pikudecha Mitzvah 2:13; Kitzur SHU”A 151:7

[11] Rama 264:1; Levush 264:1; Maharil ibid; Shevach Habris 17:3; See Os Shalom 264:7; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 264:5

[12] Migdal Oz Nachal 9; See Sefer Chassidim 973; Maharil Hilchos Mila; Shelah Hilchos Mila; Shemiras Hanefesh 138; Kaf Hachaim 116:183; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:1; Shevach Habris 17:4

[13] Shevach Habris 17:4; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 264:5 footnote 31

[14] Masa Chaim Falagi Mareeches Sandek 156; Chaim Bayad 75 that so is custom of IZHMIR; Bris Avos 5:13;

[15] Leket Yosher p. 52

The reason: As there is a tradition which states that one who is a Sandek to his great-grandson will not see the face of purgatory. [Leket Yosher ibid]

[16] Leket Yosher p. 52

[17] Chaim Bayad ibid

[18] Rama ibid

[19] Implication of Leket Yosher p. 52; Pela Yoeitz Erech Mila “It is proper for the father of the child to be the Sandek, as he is like an altar to offer his son as a Karban, and it atones for him”; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:74; Chasam sofer O.C. 158 [as is evident from his discussion regarding father doing twice]; Shivim Temarim on Tzavah Os 40; Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:35 in length that it is even better for him to be the Sandek then to be the Mohel even if he knows how to do Milah, and that if he holds the child’s thighs down and helps the Mohel do the Mila, then he himself is considered like the Mohel, as Misayeia Keoseh; Divrei Malkiel 4:86; Otzer Habris Vol. 1 Chapter 3 14:3 [p.197]; Igros Kodesh 12:444; Shevet Hakehasi 10:343; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:30 footnote 269; Shevach Habris 17:6; See Teshuvos Vehanhagos 6:192

Explanation: Although it is customary for the father to honor the child’s grandfather or distinguished individual to be the Sandek, there is no issue whatsoever for the father of the child to be the Sandek of his son, at least for one of his sons, and so is customary of many, and so is evident from all the Poskim who discuss the question of whether the father may be Sandek for more than one of his sons. Furthermore, some Poskim explicitly encourage the father to be the Sandek, and for him to take this honor to himself in order so he merit its greatness which is compared to offering the Ketores incense. Furthermore, some Poskim even rule that it is better that the father be the Sandek than to be the Mohel, even if he is a professional Mohel, in order to merit the greatness of the Sandakaus, which the Poskim rule is even greater than the position of Mohel. Furthermore, they state that when the Sandek holds the child and positions him in a way for the circumcision to take place, then he is considered as an assistant to the Mohel, and hence although it is initially proper for the father to be the Mohel if he knows to do so, if he is the Sandek, it is considered as if he is also actively performing the Milah.

[20] Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:35; See Admur 328:3 and 21 and 340:2; Chacham Tzevi 82; Kelalei Hamila p. 66

[21] Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:28 footnote 253

[22] Siddur Yaavetz; Shivim Temarim on Tzavah Os 40

[23] Chasam Sofer O.C. 158 [that so is the custom, although he questions this on the basis that a Kohen may withhold his Matnaos for himself]; Igros Kodesh 12:444 [in answer to Rav Meir Avtzon a”h who wanted to be a Sandek a second time by one of his sons Mila]; Shevach Habris 17:6

[24] Bris Avos 5:23

[25] Kneses Yechezkal 35

[26] Darkei Moshe 264:4; Beis Yosef 264; See regarding a Mohel: Rama Y.D. 264:1; Pesakim Uteshuvos 264:7-8

[27] The reason: Once a Sandek has been appointed, it is forbidden for one to retract disappointment being that doing so is considered lying. [See Taz 264:5; Shach 264:7; Beis Yosef]

[28] Taz 264:5

[29] Chasam Sofer Y.D. 246

[30] Rama ibid

[31] Rama Y.D. 265:11; Maharil in name of Rabbeinu Peretz; Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 40 [or 35 or 42, depending on print]; Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 265:15; Shemiras Hanefesh 138; Kitzur SHU”A 163:1; Kaf Hachaim 116:183; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:2-8; Shevach Habris 17:6; See Hagahas Yad Shaul on Rama ibid who asks based on this how it was permitted for Yosef to be the Sandek for both of his great-grandsons; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:30; Likkutei Sichos 35 p. 263; Shulchan Menachem 5 p. 126

[32] The reason: This is due to that the Sandek is compared to a priest who offers incense, and each time the incense was offered it was done by a new priest who never before had offered the incense. [Rama ibid; See Shiyurei Bracha 265] Alternatively, this is due to reasons of danger. [See Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 4; Shivim Temarim ibid]

[33] Poskim ibid

Other opinions: Some write that in today’s times we no longer suspect for the above matter and hence one may be a Sandek for two children of the same father. [Shemiras Hanefesh 139; Kaf Hachaim ibid; See Noda Beyehuda Kama Y.D. 86; Yechaveh Daas 3:77; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:10]

[34] See Shivim Temarim ibid; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:7

[35] Shach Y.D. 265:22; Beis Hillel 265; Pesach Eiynayim Yuma 67; Birkeiy Yosef 265:19; See Shiyurei Bracha 265; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:9

[36] Beis Dovid, brought in Birkeiy Yosef ibid

[37] Shivim Temarim ibid; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:8

[38] Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid ibid

[39] Shivim Temarim ibid that according to reason of Maharil and Rama ibid there is no reason to differentiate if the previous child r”l died or not.

[40] Chasam Sofer O.C. 158 [that so is the custom, although he questions this on the basis that a Kohen may withhold his Matanos for himself]; Igros Kodesh 12:434 that Anash are not accustomed to do so [in answer to Rav Meir Avtzon a”h who wanted to be a Sandek a second time by his sons Yona’s second sons Mila]; Shevach Habris 17:6

[41] Migdal Oz 9:5; Siddur Yaavetz; Shivim Temarim on Tzavah Os 40 in implication of Tzavah who writes a “friend” should not do it twice; Yad Shaul Y.D. 265; Zecher Dovid 1:75; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:5

[42] Yad Shaul Y.D. 265 [i.e. grandfather and other relatives]; However, see Shivim Temarim ibid who negates this and says the allowance is only for the father; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:6 footnote 9 

[43] Yad Shaul Y.D. 265; Mili Dechassidusa

[44] Shivim Temarim 12

[45] Shevach Habris 17:6

[46] Noda Beyehuda Kama Y.D. 86; Chasam Sofer O.C. 158; Shaareiy Teshuvah O.C. 551:3; Y.D. 265:14; Chasam Sofer; Mili Dechassidusa 40; Likkutei Sichos 20:247 based on Targum Yonason on Bereishis 50:23 that Yosef was the Sandek for both of his grandsons; Koveitz Minhagei Chabad Beinyanei Hirayon Vileida p. 23 that the Rebbe Rashab told Rav Elchonan Morozov that it is permitted for one to be a Sandek for more than one son if it is for the benefit and honor of the newborn, and based on this, he honored the Rebbe Rayatz to be the Sandek for two of his sons; Shevach Habris 17:6

[47] The reason: As he has the status of a Kohen Gadol who may be honored more than once to offer the Kerores. [Chasam Sofer ibid; Likkutei Sichos ibid; See Yuma 14a; Rambam Hilchos Keli Hamikdash 5:12]

[48] Shivim Temarim 12

[49] Maharil beginning of Mila; Birkeiy Yosef 265:18; Shevach Habris 17:7

[50] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 136:9 and 11

[51] M”A 282:18; Levush O.C. 282

[52] Shaareiy Efraim 2:1; Biur Halacha 136:1 “Beshabbos Veyom Tov”

[53] Rama Y.D. 265:11 “The power of the Sandek is even greater than that of the Mohel, and he hence is to receive precedence to the Torah”;

[54] Admur 493:4; Migdal Oz Nachal 9; Shevach Habris 17:7

Shevach Habris 16:7

[55] Michaber and Rama 551:1

[56] Pischei Teshuvah 265:13; Mateh Efraim 621:3; Koreis Habris 265:60; Sefer Matamim Erech Mila 59; Zocher Habris 17:16; Shevach Habris 17:7

[57] Shevach Habris ibid footnote 22

[58] See Chapter 9 Halacha 4 for the full details of the subject

[59] Levush 264:1; Migdal Oz Nachal 9, 11, and 12; Zocher Habris 17:15 and 18:16; Shevach Habris 17:9

[60] Michaber 265:11; Siddur Admur; Tur 265; Rokeiach 113; Or Zarua Mila 107; Maharil Hilchos Mila; Pirkei Derebbe Eliezer 29; Mavor Yabok 4:5; Shevach Habris 15:1; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:27; See Encyclopedia Talmudit Vol. 4 Erech Bris Mila p. 249 footnotes 55

[61] The reason: The baby is placed on the chair in order to be blessed by Eliyahu the prophet. [Rokeiach ibid]

[62] Aruch Hashulchan 265:34; Sdei Chemed Mareches Beis Hakeneses 39

[63] Toras Shalom p. 79 that so was done by the Bris of the Rebbe Rashab, in which the Tzemach Tzedek was the Sandek and sat on the chair of Elyahu; Igros Kodesh 4:129, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:110, that he is almost certain that so was done by a Bris in which the Rebbe Rayatz was Sandek; Reshimos of Rav Groner;  Shevach Habris ibid footnote 4; Koveitz Minhagim

[64] Derech Pikudecha Asei 2 Chelek Hamaaseh 13; Yad Haketana Mila 85

[65] Darkei Chaim Veshalom Munkatch 519

[66] Machzor Vitri 505; Orchos Chaim Hilchos Mila; Rokeiach 113; Maharil Hilchos Mila; Implication of Zohar 1:93

[67] Hiskashrus 644 that so directed the Rebbe to one individual

[68] Hiskashrus 645 p. 18 that so directed the Rebbe Rayatz; So was done by Rav Eliyahu Landa by the Bris of my son Eliezer Avraham in 5782

[69] Zocheir Habris 19:11; Bris Avos 12:2; Migdal Oz Nachal Tes; Chosem Kodesh 10:7-8;  Shevach Habris 17:8