1. The Mitzvah and obligation:[1]
2. Its Biblical status:

Honoring and fearing one’s father and mother are each a [separate[2]] positive command in the Torah[3], and honoring one’s parents is famously listed as the fifth of the 10 Commandments. [The command of honoring one’s parents is listed by the Rambam as the 210th Command of the Torah[4], while the command to fear one’s parents is listed by the Rambam as the 211th Command of the Torah.[5]]

The basic difference between the command of honor versus fear:[6] The basic difference between the command to honor one’s parents versus the command to fear one’s parents is that the command to honor one’s parents involves the performance of certain activities out of respect for one’s parents [i.e. Kum Vasei], while the command to fear one’s parents involves the abstaining from performing certain activities being that they are considered disrespectful to one’s parents [i.e. Sheiv Veal Taaseh].

Q&A When were the Jewish people commanded the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents?[7] The Jewish people were commanded the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents when they encamped in Marah and were given several commands.[8] [This occurred several weeks prior to Matan Torah, as they encamped in Marah after traveling for three days after they crossed the Yam Suf.[9]] This is hinted to in the words “Kasher Tzivcha Hasehm Elokecha” which is written in the 10 Commandments, and implies that we were already commanded this mitzvah, as indeed we were previously commanded it during our stay in Marah.   Is the Mitzvah to honor one’s parents considered a Mitzvah between man and G-d [i.e. Bein Adam Lamakom] or between man and his fellow [i.e. Bein Adam Lechaveiro]?[10] Some Poskim[11] learn that the mitzvot honor one’s parents is a mitzvah between man and G-d and not between man and his fellow. Other Poskim[12], however, learn that it is considered a mitzvah between man and his fellow, and not between man and G-d. Other Poskim[13] leave this matter in question. The Rebbe and others learn that it contains both aspects.[14] There are a number of practical ramifications between these two approaches, including if one must ask forgiveness from his parent if he did not properly fulfill the Mitzvah, as will be explained next.   Must one ask forgiveness from his parents if he does not fulfill this Mitzvah properly?[15] This matter is dependent on the above debate. According to the first approach [Bein Adam Lamakom], one is not required to ask forgiveness from his parent. According to the second approach [i.e. Bein Adam Lechaveiro], he is required to ask forgiveness from his parent. [Practically, based on the Rebbe’s conclusion, one is to ask Mechila from his parents if he did not properly respect them.]   Must one have intent to fulfill the Mitzvah of honoring and fearing one’s parents when doing an act of honor or fear in order to fulfill the mitzvah?[16] No. Since the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents is a mitzvah that is between man and his fellow, and the main aspect of it is what the parent receives, therefore, intent is not required in order to fulfill it. Furthermore, even if one explicitly has counter intent to not fulfill the mitzvah by doing a certain act of service for one’s parents, the mitzvah is still considered fulfilled.

1. Its importance:

Being very careful in this Mitzvah:[17] One must be very careful in the honor of his father and mother and in fearing them.[18] [This command to honor and fear one’s parents is weighed by Scripture equal to the Mitzvah to honor and fear G-d, as both verses commanding one to honor and fear his father and mother contains connecting verses which command one to honor and fear G-d. Just as G-d commanded one to honor and fear His great name so too he commanded us to honor and fear our parents.[19] This mitzvah is considered the most severe of severe.[20] People must strengthen themselves in the fulfillment of this mitzvah, as due to our many sins, there are many common transgressions that occur in this command due to lack of knowledge of its details and due to lack of knowledge of its importance. Things have become so bad that is now the parents who need to respect and honor and fear their children as opposed to the opposite.[21] Part of the reason behind why people are lax in this mitzvah, is because people are so accustomed to being with her parents and become accustomed to a relationship that does not involve respect or fear of parental hierarchy.]

Overcomes the evil of Esav and hastens the redemption:[22] Esav was renowned for his meticulous honor that he showed his father.[23] Until this day his descendants reap the rewards of his mitzvah, and due to it were given the power to rule over the Jewish people.[24] Thus, when the Jewish people also properly perform this mitzvah of honoring their parents, they revoke this permission from the descendants of Esav. This in essence hastens the redemption. It is due to this great power contained within the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, that Satan wages war against it and places obstacles in front of children to prevent them from fulfilling it properly.

1. Its greatness and reward:

The greatness of the Mitzvah:[25] Honoring one’s parent is a great positive command in the Torah.

The virtue:[26] One who honors his father and mother, G-d considers as if He has dwelled in that household, and that He was honored.[27] [Indeed, the fulfillment of this mitzvah draws the divine presence onto the Jewish people.[28]]

Is praised:[29] Whoever is most careful and pious and strict in the fulfillment of this mitzvah, is praised.

 Reaps the reward in this world: The Mishneh[30] states that honoring one’s father and mother is one of those Mitzvos listed which one gets to eat from their fruits in this world, and still retains its reward in the next world. Thus, although he will receive reward and even this world, he will not lose out from any of the main designated reward in the next world.[31]

A high place in the Garden of Eden:[32] One who is careful in the mitzvah of honoring his parents, merits a high place in the Garden of Eden on the level of the absolutely righteous.

Long life:[33] One who honors his father and his mother, Scripture[34] promises him long life. Thus, whoever desires a long and healthy life with a proper livelihood and to live with honor and respect should always abide by the will of his father and mother.[35] Accordingly, one should never bemoan the fact that they need to spend so much time in dealing providing and serving their father and mother, as it is in this merit that his life will be lengthened.[36] Some[37] write that the long life which is promised in exchange for honoring one’s parents, is not to be viewed as a reward for the Mitzvah, but is rather a special Segula that this mitzvah has in addition to its reward [just like one gets to benefit from the eating of the food, even when the eating involves a mitzvah, and the reward that he will receive is independent of the benefit].

Hastens the redemption:[38] One who fulfills this mitzvah properly hastens the redemption.

Merits righteous children:[39] One who fulfills the mitzvah of honoring his parents properly, merits to have children who are upright and righteous, G-d-fearing and servants of G-d, who will discover true novelties in Torah, and not cause others to sin

Protected from Ayin Hara:[40] One who fulfills the mitzvah of honoring his parents properly merits to have children who are protected from Ayin Hara

A wicked person:[41] Even a person was considered a Rasha is protected by G-d and receives much reward for fulfilling the command of honoring his parents, as can be seen from Eisav.

Monetary reward:[42] Ula taught: The extent that one must go to honor one’s parents can be learned from a certain idol worshiper from the city of Ashkelon by the name of Dama the son of Nesina. The sages came to him with a business offer to purchase an item of his that would give him 600,000 gold coins as profit. However, since the key to retrieve the item was under the head of his father who was sleeping, he could not sell the item, as he did not want to awaken his father and cause him pain. Rebbe Eliezer taught the same story, however adding that the item that the sages desire to purchase was a precious stone for the Ephod, and that the next year G-d rewarded the Gentile by having a red cow born to his heard. When the sages approached him regarding the sale of the red cow, he replied that although he could request any money in the world, he only request the amount of money that he lost from not selling the precious stone the previous year due to his desire to honor his parent. Rav Chanina stated that if someone who is not even commanded in the mitzvah receives such reward all the more so will be the reward of one who is commanded and does so.

1. The punishment:[43]

One who is not careful in the honor and fear of his parents, can receive many punishments and evils which can befall him, including the following r”l:

• His days are shortened.[44] This is learned from the fact the Torah promised longevity of life for fulfilling this Mitzvah, and from the positive we can learn the negative.[45]
• He is liable for death.[46]
• He is punished greatly in the next world.
• He blemishes the higher spheres.[47]
• He creates obstacles for repenting.[48]

Is cursed by G-d:[49] Whoever shames his father and mother is considered cursed by the mouth of G-d [i.e., Gevura], as the verse[50] states “cursed should be one who shames [i.e., Makleh] his father and mother.” This applies even if one only shamed them with words. This applies even if one only shamed them with a mere hint [and did not explicitly express the shame in words]. [This applies even in one’s thought, and hence it is forbidden to think of one’s parents in a belittling manner even in one’s thought without verbalizing it.[51] One who speaks Lashon Hara about his parents[52] or does things to annoy them and cause them pain transgresses this prohibition.[53] Some Poskim[54] rule that even a person who transgresses those matters included within fearing the parents, such as sitting in their set place or contradicting their words, is included within the scriptural curse. Furthermore, some Poskim[55] rule that even one who simply diminishes in the respect due to them is included within the scriptural curse. However, from other sources[56] it is clear that the scriptural curse is reserved for only for those who actually shame their parents and not simply transgress fulfilling the mitzvah of honor and fear.]

Gouged eyes and eaten by ravens: The punishment for shaming a parent is explicitly written in Scripture[57] a “his eyes will be gouged by ravens of the river and his flesh will be eaten by the children of the Eagles,” and as has been testified to have occurred in the past to a child who shamed his parents.[58]

Ben Sorer Umoreh-Sekila:[59] A Ben Sorer Umoreh is liable for Sekila for the sins he committed against his parents. This law is no longer applicable today and contains so many conditions that it was practically never applied. It is beyond the scope of this book to enter the detailed laws of this subject and for further information, refer to the sources in the footnotes.

1. The Tikkun for one who stumbled in the sin of not properly honoring and fearing his parents:

One who transgress the command of honoring and fearing his parents, is to perform the following Tikkunim for his sin:

• He must ask forgiveness from his parents.[60]
• He must resolve from now on to properly honor and fear his parents.[61]
• He is to fast a certain number of fasts or redeem these fasts with charity according to his level of affordability.[62]

Child before the age of Mitzvos-Does one need to repent for sins that he did as a child: See Halacha ??.

Segulos for helping one fulfill the mitzvah of honoring his parents: One who is having difficulty in fulfilling the mitzvah of honoring his parents, such as one who does not get along with his parents at home, should recite by heart several times a day, morning afternoon and evening, the verses recorded in Scripture regarding the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents. This should be done until the issue was remedied.[63] Alternatively, he should write on a piece of paper the verse in Scripture “honor your father and mother” until the end of the verse and carry this piece of paper with him for some time [except for Shabbos].[64]

__________________________

[1] See Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:1-2; 15; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 371

[2] Sefer Hamitzvos Rambam Asei 211; Semag Asei 113; Hakdamas Bahag; ; Chinuch Mitzvah 33; 212; See Biur of Rav Perlow for why it is listed as two separate commands; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 371 footnote 12

[3] Rama ibid “Mitzvas Asei”; Tur 240; Rambam Mamarim 6:1; Sefer Hamitzvos Mitzvah 210-211; Chinuch Mitzvah 33; 212; Bava Metzia 32a; Chulin 110b; See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 371-372 footnote 14 and 16 for opinions who write that fearing one’s parent is a Lo Sasei

[4] Rambam Sefer Hamitzvos Mitzvah 210; Chinuch lists it as the 33^rd command of the Torah; Semag Asei 112;

[5] Rambam Sefer Hamitzvos Mitzvah 211; Chinuch lists it as the 212^th command of the Torah; Semag Asei 113;

[6] See Karban Aaron on Toras Kohanim Kedoshim 1; Michtam Ledavid Y.D. 32; Toafos Reim on Yireim 222; Malbim on Toras Kohanim ibid; Aruch Hashulchan 240:8; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 372 footnote 14 and 17-20

[7] Braisa Sanhedrin 56b; Seder Olam Raba 5; Rashi Mishpatim 24:3; Beshalach 15:25; Vaeschanon 5:16; Likkutei Sichos 5:147, 153-154; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 375-376

[8] See beshalach 15:25 “Sham Sam Lo Chok Umishpat” and Rebbe Yehuda in Sanhedrin ibid says that Mihspat here refers to Kibbud Av Vaeim

[9] See Beshalach 15:22

[10] See Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 33; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 23; Likkutei Sichos 19:197; Likkutei Sichos 36:90 and 95 and footnote 8; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 374

[11] Ramban Al Hatorah Shemos 20:12-13 that the first five Dibros are Bein Adam Lamakom [However, see Ramban 20:12 from which one can understand that he holds its Bein Adam Lechaveiro, as writes Abarbanel ibid in his opinion. See Likkutei Sichos 36:90 footnote 4]; Implication of Even Ezra Yisro 20:1; Implication of Chizkuni 20:13; Tur Al Hatorah ibid; Ikarim Mamar 3:26; Abarbanel Shemos ibid [writes like Ramban ibid, however then also writes its Ben Adam Lechaveiro]; Shelah Miseches Shavuos 190; Chemdas Yisrael Ner Mitzvah 10; Likkutei Sichos 36:90 and 95 and footnote 8 that it contains both aspects of Bein Adam Lechaveiro and Bein Adam Lamakom; See Keli Yakar and Chizkuni on Yisro ibid

[12] Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Peiah 1:1; Rosh on Mishneh ibid; Kuzari Mamar 3:11; Abarbanel Shemos ibid; Likkutei Sichos 19:197, printed in Shuchan Menachem 4:173 that it is a Mitzvah Bein Adam Lechaveiro; Likkutei Sichos 36:90 and 95 and footnote 8 that it contains both aspects of Bein Adam Lechaveiro and Bein Adam Lamakom; See Keli Yakar On Yisro ibid; See Kiddushin 31a which implies that it is a mitzvah between man and his fellow “Ula taught: After hearing the first two of the 10 Commandments which instructs one to believe in G-d and that serve other deities, the nations of the world said that the 10 Commandments were given by G-d for the sake of His own personal glory. However, after they heard the command to honor one’s parents they retracted and acknowledged the first commands.”; See Yireim Hashaleim p. 5; Rashba 1:18

[13] Minchas Chinuch ibid

[14] Likkutei Sichos 9:XV; 36:90 and 95 and footnote 8; Beir Yehuda on Chareidim p. 72; See Likkutei Sichos 36:96 that there are two aspects in the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, one an intellectual moral aspect which is between man and his fellow, and a second which is between man and God, as through honoring one’s parents one honors God. The Rebbe there explains that only the former aspect is relevant to Gentiles, while the latter aspect is only relevant for Jews, as only by Jews is the infant light of God united with their bodies, and hence does honoring them not consist of idolatry, in contrast to Gentiles in which honoring them with consist of Shituf.

[15] Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 33; See Ben Ish Chaiy Vayelech 1:6; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid; Likkutei Sichos 36:91 footnote 8

[16] Oneg Yom Tov O.C. 19; Sdei Chemed Mareches Mem Kelal 68; Likkutei Sichos 19:197, printed in Shuchan Menachem 4:173, based on Kiddushin 39b which brings the opinion of Rav Yaakov that there is no reward of a mitzvah in this world from the fact that a boy died in the process of climbing down the tree after getting the baby birds on behalf of his father. Now, if intent were to be required to fulfill this mitzvah then there would be no proof from this story as perhaps the son did not have intent to fulfill the mitzvah upon doing so, and hence he was not deserving of the reward of life. The fact that this option is not entertained by the Talmud shows that intent makes no difference in this matter and either way the mitzvah is considered fulfilled; See Sifri Ki Seitei 24:19 for a similar ruling regarding tzedakah the main thing is that the pauper received the charity irrelevant of what intent the giver had; See Malei Haroim Erech Mitzvos Tzerichos Kavana 9 regarding the mitzvah of circumcision that the mitzvah is fulfilled by physically doing the circumcision even if there wasn’t intent to fulfill the mitzvah; Likewise, see Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 1 regarding the mitzvah of having children, that the mitzvah is fulfilled once one has a male and female child even if there was no intent to do so for the sake of the mitzvah

[17] Michaber Y.D. 240:1; Braisa Kiddushin 30b; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 371

[18] The reason: As this command to honor one’s parents is connected with the verse which discusses the honoring of G-d [“Kabed Es Hashem Mihonecha,” Mishleiy 3:9]. [Kiddushin 30b and 32a; Rambam Mamarim 6:1 “This command to honor and fear one’s parents is weighed by Scripture equal to the Mitzvah to honor and fear G-d, as both verses commanding one to honor and fear his father and mother contains connecting verses which command one to honor and fear G-d. Just as G-d commanded one to honor and fear His great name so too he commanded us to honor and fear our parents.”]

[19] Rambam Mamarim 6:1; 6:2 “One who curses his father or mother is liable for death by stoning, as is one who blasphemes G-d, and hence we see that Scripture has made them equal regarding the punishment.”; Kiddushin 30b and 32a “In the verse regarding honoring one’s parents it states “honor your father and mother” and in another verse it states “honor G-d with your money.” We hence see that Scripture has equated the honor of one’s father and mother to the honor of G-d. Regarding fear, the verse states “a man shall fear his father and mother” and in another verse it states that “and Hashem your G-d you shall fear him and Him you shall serve.” Hence we see that Scripture has equated the fear of one’s father and mother to the fear of G-d. Likewise, the verse states that a person who curses his  father or mother is put to death and in another verse it states that one who curses G-d is liable for his sin. Hence, we see that Scripture has equated the cursing of a parent to the cursing of G-d. Nonetheless, regarding hitting a parent it is not possible for it to be equated to G-d being that it is not possible to hit G-d. The reason for this is because there are three partners in the creation of man.”

[20] Tanchuma Parshas Eikev 2; Yerushalmi beginning of Peiah 1:1 and Kiddushin 1:7; See Kiddushin 31b that due to its severity and demanding details, Rebbe Yochanon stated that from a certain perspective, one who has not met his parents benefits from the fact that he will not be subject to being punished for not properly honoring them. Likewise, Rebbe Ze’ira once expressed sorrow that he was an orphan who never met his parents and was never able to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring them, and later after learning of the severity of this mitzvah exclaimed that he is indebted to G-d for not having been challenged with this mitzvah. [Yerushalmi Peiah 1:1]

[21] Yearos Devash 2:2 and 12                                                              

[22] See Noam Elimelech Parshas Vayeitzei; Rachamei Ha’av 2

[23] See Targum Yonason Ben Uziel Vayishlach 32:12; Bereishis Raba 82:14; Devarim Raba 1:5; Zohar 1:146; Likkutei Sichos 36:91 footnote 10

[24] See Tanchuma 8 and Pesikta Rabasi 23 that Moshiach cannot come until Esav receives his reward for honoring his parents

[25] Rambam Mamarim 6:1; Sefer Hamitzvos Rambam Asei 210;  Maharsham O.C. 36 “There is no greater mitzvah than the mitzvah to honor one’s father and mother which is connected with the honor of G-d.”; Hakdamas Bahag; Sefer Hamitzvos Rasag Asei 9; Semag Asei 112; Chinuch 33; See Yerushalmi Peiah 1:7 that this mitzvah of honoring one’s parents in the eyes of G-d is even greater than the mitzvah to honor Him Himself.

[26] Kiddushin 30b

[27] As a man “Ish” and woman “Isha” both contain the Yud and “Kei” of G-d’s name. Thus, it is considered that G-d is dwelling within them, and by them being honored one is likewise honoring Him. When however, there is lack of honor, then G-d does not dwell his name of Yud “Kei” within the parents and they thus remain “Eish” Eish”, fire with fire. The reason that the parents get punished for this is because they brought up a son which does not honor them. [Agados Maharsha]. Based on this perhaps one can explain the connecting between chapter 240 in Orach Chaim and this current chapter which is also 240. As when parents fulfill the proper form of kedusha in their marriage, which is the laws mentioned in 240 Orach Chaim, then they merit that the sons fulfill the laws of Kibud Av Vaeim in 240 Yoreh Deah.

[28] Menoras Hamaor 13

[29] Harash Peiah 1; Yireim Mitzvah 222; Meiri Kiddushin 31b

[30] Peiah 1:1; Kiddushin 39b; Shabbos 127a; See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 373

[31] Meiah Shearim Shaar Vav

[32] Seder Hadoros Erech Rebbe Yehoshua Ben Alam

[33] Is the promise for long life to be taken literally? Although there is an opinion in the Talmud which states that the intent of all the rewards in the Torah for long life is for the world to come and not in this physical world, as can be proven from the fact that there was once a child who on instructions of his father climbed up a tree to shoo away a mother bird, and on his way down he died. Even though two mitzvahs with a promise of long life were performed simultaneously by this child, he still died, hence proving the intent of the reward is only for the next world. [Rebbe Yaakov in Kiddushin 39b; See Rambam Teshuvah 9:1; Likkutei Sichos 19:197] Nonetheless, from the fact that the Mishneh ibid explicitly states that we reap the fruits of this mitzvah in this world implies that we do not rule like this opinion. This is in addition to the fact that it is clearly evident from the Talmud that other opinions disagree with Rebbe Yaakov.

[34] Devarim 5:16

[35] Tana Dvei Eliyahu Raba 26

[36] Rabbeinu Bechayeh Yisro in name of Rav Sadya Gaon

[37] Or Hachaim Hakadosh Shemos 20:12; Ahavas Shalom Kedoshim; Perhaps this indeed is the intent of the Mishneh Peiah ibid regarding eating the fruits in this world while retaining the reward for the next world

[38] Yearos Devash 2:2; See also Radak Shoftim 6:11

[39] See Tanchuma Parshas Kedoshim 15; Midrash Raba Bamidbar 14 regarding Naftali; Pesikta Parshas Bereishis; Menoras Hamaor Elenkava 9; Midrash Rebbe Eliezer Ben Rebbe Yossi Hagelili; Midrash Talpiyos Anaf Kibbud Av Vaeim; Or Hachaim Hakadosh Vayikra 19; Pela Yoetz Erech Kibud Av Vaeim; Megilas Yuchsin Toldos HaMaharal MePrague p. 7; Sefer Meiah Shearim Shaar 5;

[40] Tochachas Chaim Parshas Toldos

[41] Tanchuma Parshas Kedoshim 15; Meiah Shearim Shaar Vav

[42] Kiddushin 31a; Yerushalmi Kiddushin 20b

[43] See Tanchuma Parshas Noach 15; Chareidim Asei 1:37; Sefer Chassidim 342; Chinuch Mitzvah 21 and Pesikta Rabasi 23 “His punishment is very great”; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 372

[44] Rashi Shemos 20:12; Mechilta Shemos 20:12; Pirkei Derebbe Eliezer 39 regarding Yosef; See Sotah 13b; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 373

[45] Mechilta ibid

[46] Derashos Chasam Sofer Shavuos; Midrash Aseres Hadibros Dibbur Hei

[47] Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 33

[48] Rif and Rosh Yuma Chapter 8

[49] Michaber 241:6; Tur 241; Rambam Mamarim 5:15; Pesakim Uteshuvos 241:6; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 372

[50] Devarim 27:16

[51] Sefer Chareidim Asei 1:35; Shiyurei Bracha 241:2; Lev David 19; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:23

[52] Chofetz Chaim Pesicha Asei 10

[53] Meshech Chochmah Parshas Ki Savo

[54] Shaareiy Teshuvah of Rabbeinu Yona3:21; Chareidim 9:35

[55] Chareidim ibid

[56] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 372 footnote 30.

[57] Mishlei 30:17

[58] Sefer Chareidim Asei 1:35

[59] See Rambam Mamarim Chapter 7; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Ben Sorer Umoreh

[60] Chida in Shiyurei Bracha 241:3; Sefer Chassidim 573; Nachal Kadmonim Parshas Shemos; Yosef Ometz 87

Other opinions: Some Poskim question whether one is required to ask forgiveness from his parents if he did not properly honor or fear them, as perhaps this command is between man and G-d and hence one must only ask forgiveness from G-d. [Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 33] However, certainly if one’s parent was offended by the child then according to all opinions the child must ask them for forgiveness as would apply if they offended any other person.

[61] Rambam Hilchos Teshuvah; Shemos Raba 23:3; Zohar 2:217; Yuma 6b

[62] See Shaar Ruach Hakodesh of Rav Chaim Vital Tikkun Ches [fast 26 fasts]; Tikkun Tes [fast 45 fasts, Gematria of Av Eim with Kolel]; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:22 [redeem with charity if weak]; Tanya Igeres Hateshuva chapter 3 [today that we are weak redeem with charity]

How much money to give to charity: One should give money to charity in accordance with his affordability. If one can afford it, he should give the value of 13 grams of silver to charity which is the equivalent of 12 Peshutim, per day of fasts. If one can afford to give more, than he should give more, and if one can’t afford to give the above amount then he should give less, each person according to his capability, as the main thing is to feel the pain of the money. [See Admur 334:28; Rama 334:26; Terumas Hadeshen Pesakim 60; M”A 568:33; Az Nidbaru 5:51; Piskeiy Teshuvos 334:10; Pesakim Uteshuvos Y.D. 240:1 footnote 22] One is to give the charity to poor Torah scholars and other charitable institutions.

[63] Mishivchei Rebbe p. 48

[64] Likkutei Sichos 39:239

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