Parshas Toldos – Parsha Halacha

Parsha Halacha

Rivka was barren and Yitzchak prayed for her to have a child, and Rivka conceived.

Segulos for getting pregnant and having children:[1]

Consulting with a physician and receiving medical treatment:[2] In addition to all of the below Segulos, a couple who is having difficulty in  getting pregnant and having children should seek expert medical advice in this field [i.e. reproductive endocrinologists, otherwise known as fertility doctors, who specialize in infertility].

The Segulos: There are several Segulos recorded in Chazal and Sefarim for the bearing of children. The following are some of the Segulos that are recorded:

  1. Praying to G-d:[3] One who is having difficulty getting pregnant and having children is to pray to G-d and beseech Him to grant one a child.
  2. Trust in G-d:[4] Having faith and trust in G-d that one will merit to have a child is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children. Even one who asked his Rebbe, or Tzaddik for a blessing and received a positive blessing for children, must not forget G-d who is the source of all blessing and is the one who actually gives the child. Trusting only in a man of flesh and blood, including even a Tzaddik, can G-d forbid lead to a miscarriage of the fetus with which the Tzaddik blessed the couple.[5]
  3. Psalm of Mizmor Ledavid Hashem Roiy:[6] Saying the Psalm of Mizmor Ledavid Hashem Roiy [Tehillim 23] prior to marital relations is a Segula for having children.
  4. Do the will of G-d and the will of one’s wife:[7] One who desires children is to do the will of G-d and the will of his wife. He is to do the will of G-d by dispersing charity and do the will of his wife by rejoicing with her during intimacy.
  5. Add in Torah and Mitzvos:[8] Adding in the fulfillment of Torah and Mitzvos is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  6. Taharas Hamishpacha:[9]  Being careful to guard all the detailed laws of Taharas Hamishpacha is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children, as at times the blessing of G-d for having children is obstructed due to lack of observance of Taharas Hamishpacha. This includes being well learned in all the laws of Nida, Hefsek Taharah, Tevila in a Kosher mikvah, and probably observing these detailed laws. If necessary, one should speak with a Rav for the details of these subjects. One should be careful in these matters not just prior to becoming pregnant but always, even after birth.[10] If the husband or wife expresses strong regret about the keeping of the laws of family purity after she already became pregnant, this can G-d forbid cause a miscarriage. Accordingly, one is not to express regret of this matter.[11]
  7. Covering the hair:[12] Having the wife be careful to properly cover her hair, is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  8. Tzenius:[13] Being extra careful in the laws of Tzenius is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  9. Checking the Tefillin and Mezuzos:[14] Checking the Tefillin and Mezuzos to verify that they are 100% Kosher is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  10. Charity:[15] Distributing charity is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children. Charity should be distributed by the wife prior to prayer on every Monday and Thursday, and prior to candle lighting on every Erev Shabbos and Erev Yom Tov. It should be distributed to an institution in the field of Torah education. 
  11. Studying and spreading Chassidus:[16] Learning Toras Hachassidus and spreading its teachings is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children. One should not pass three days without learning Chassidus.
  12. Spreading Judaism:[17] Spreading Judaism and strengthening its observance is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  13. Working in Torah education: Working in the field of Torah education is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  14. Teaching Torah to others:[18] Teaching Torah to other people is a great Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  15. Being involved in love of a fellow Jew:[19] Being involved in activities that express love for a fellow Jew is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  16. Hachanasas Orchim:[20] Fulfilling the Mitzvah of Hachanasas Orchim by feeding guests and the poor, is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  17. Becoming expert in a Misechta of Shas:[21] If one is not a Kohen and is married to the daughter of a Kohen then it is proper for him to become an expert in at least one tractate of Shas. It suffices to be well versed even in a small Misechta, such as Miseches Kallah. Doing so is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  18. To move to Israel:[22] Making Aliyah to the land of Israel is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  19. Not to express regret of the pregnancy:[23] If the husband or wife expresses strong regret about the pregnancy after she already became pregnant, this can G-d forbid cause a miscarriage. Accordingly, one is not to express regret of the pregnancy.
  20. Avoiding making an oath and swear:[24] One who is having difficulty having children should especially be careful not to take an oath or swear even about a truthful matter. Certainly, they should not swear by the life of someone.
  21. Make a Shidduch:[25] Being involved in the making of a Shidduch for a couple is a Segula for getting pregnant and having children.
  22. Forgiveness from past Shidduch:[26] A couple who is having difficulty in getting pregnant and having children should contemplate if during Shidduchim the husband or wife offended someone in a way that requires them to ask for their forgiveness, and if so then they should ask for their forgiveness whether in front of them or not in front of them.
  23. Segula to prevent miscarriage-Not publicizing the pregnancy:[27] A woman who has a history of miscarriage should be especially careful not to publicize her pregnancy until the fifth month with exception to close relatives.
  24. Segula to prevent miscarriage-Avoid heavy items and overexertion:[28] Certainly, a woman who has a history of miscarriages should avoid lifting heavy items, and overexerting herself with extra strenuous activity.

Rivka gave birth to twins

How many blessings are to be said after the birth of twins?[29]

Twin boys: If one hears of the birth of both sons at the same time, then a single blessing of Hatov Vihameitiv is said on behalf of them both. If, however, one said the blessing prior to hearing of the birth of the second son, then the blessing is to be repeated after hearing of the birth of the second son.

Boy and girl:[30] If one hears of the birth of both the son and daughter at the same time, then a single blessing of Hatov Vihameitiv is said on behalf of them both.

Yitzchak asked Eisav to hunt for him a meal and make it into a delicacy and serve him the food. He will then bless him prior to his death.

Gentile keeping Kibud Av Vaeim:[31]

Although Gentiles were not commanded in the laws of honoring and fearing their father and mother as part of the seven Noahide commands[32], nevertheless, they are practically obligated in showing some degree of reverence to their parents.[33] [Thus, it is forbidden for a Gentile to shame, curse, or hit his parents. Likewise, they are obligated to listen to their instructions, although they are not obligated to feed and clothe them.[34]] A gentile who honors his parents receives reward even if he is not obligated to do so from the letter of the law.[35]

Overcomes the evil of Esav and hastens the redemption:[36]

Esav was renowned for his meticulous honor that he showed his father.[37] Until this day his descendants reap the rewards of his Mitzvah, and due to it were given the power to rule over the Jewish people.[38] Thus, when the Jewish people also properly perform this Mitzvah of honoring their parents, they revoke this permission from the descendants of Esav. This in essence hastens the redemption. It is due to this great power contained within the Mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, that Satan wages war against it and places obstacles in front of children to prevent them from fulfilling it properly.

Yitzchak sent Yaakov to Padan-Aram and Yaakov obeyed the instructions of his father and mother and left.

Living near one’s parents:[39]

It is proper for one to live near his parents in order so one can properly honor them and help them with their needs. This especially applies once parents are old. Nonetheless, this is not necessarily an obligation, and it all depends on the circumstance of the child and parent and the reasons for not living in the same area as the parent [i.e. Chinuch, cheaper housing, marriage].

Traveling from Eretz Yisrael for the sake of one’s parents:[40]

Although in general it is forbidden for a resident of Eretz Yisrael to leave Eretz Yisrael[41], it is permitted for one to leave Eretz Yisrael for the sake of visiting his parents or caring for his parents.[42] [This applies even to a Kohen.[43] It goes without saying that if one’s parents are traveling from Eretz Yisrael for a certain medical or financial need, then it is permitted for one to travel from Eretz Yisrael together with one’s parents in order to escort them and assist them in their journey. However, one may not leave Israel for the sake of meeting the body of a parent which is on its way for burial in Israel.[44]]

Moving to the Diaspora for the sake of one’s parents: Some Poskim[45] rule that it is only permitted for one to temporarily leave Eretz Yisrael for the sake of visiting and caring for his parents, however, he may not do so for permanent basis. Other Poskim[46], however, rule that it is permitted to move to the diaspora even permanently for the sake of caring for one’s parents.

Making Aliyah to Israel while leaving one’s parents in the Diaspora:[47]

If one desires to permanently move to Eretz Yisrael, and his parents do not want him to do so, then some Poskim[48] rule that he is not required to listen to his parents and may go ahead and move to Israel. Certainly, one may move to Israel if his parents do not voice any protest. Other Poskim[49], however, rule to the contrary that one may not leave his parents alone in the Diaspora even for the sake of moving to Israel, and even if they do not protest his move. Practically, if one’s parents need the son to stay with them in order to care for them, then he should not move.[50]

___________________________________________________________

[1] See Shulchan Menachem 6:5; Bayis Hayehbudi p. 487; Sefer Segulas Avraham Erech Banim and Akara for a compilation of tens of Segulos from various Sefarim

[2] Igros Kodesh 8:282; 11:278; 13:383; 18:32; Mikdash Melech 3:251

[3] Igros Kodesh 14:383

[4] Igros Kodesh 11:278; 13:185, 14:107, brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:21

[5] Igros Kodesh 29:30

[6] Siddur Admur; Peri Eitz Chaim Shaar Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita 11; Or Tzadikim 27:20; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:23; Kaf Hachaim 240:65

[7] Miseches Kallah, brought in Tur 240; Bava Basra 10b

[8] Igros Kodesh 14:383

[9] Likkutei Sichos 11:126; 12:178; 22:299; Igros Kodesh 11:278; 14:383; 27:427; 28:133; 29:30

[10] Igros Kodesh 28:133

[11] Igros Kodesh 29:30

[12] Igros Kodesh 7:259; 13:210; Yuma 47a; Zohar Parshas Nasso p. 239 “one who is careful in this merits to have illustrious children, and have her husband be blessed with all blessings of above and below, with wealth and grandchildren”, brought in M”A 75:4; Maharam Alshiker 35; Chasam Sofer ibid; M”B 75:14

[13] Igros Kodesh 7:259; 14:383; Yuma 47a; Zohar Parshas Nasso p. 239 “one who is careful in this merits to have illustrious children, and have her husband be blessed with all blessings of above and below, with wealth and grandchildren”, brought in M”A 75:4; Maharam Alshiker 35; Chasam Sofer ibid; M”B 75:14

[14] Likkutei Sichos 12:178; Igros Kodesh 7:259; 11:126; 13:185; 14:383; 18:32; 27:427; Mikdash Melech 3:251

[15] Igros Kodesh 13:185; 14:383; 18:32

[16] Letter of Alter Rebbe, printed in Meiah Shearim 2:32 and Ginzei Nistaros 3:61; Igros Kodesh 5:185; 14:340; Mikdash Melech 3:251

[17] Igros Kodesh 8:282; 14:401

[18] Igros Kodesh 15:389

[19] Igros Kodesh 11:126

[20] Igros Kodesh 19:333

[21] Igros Kodesh 14:383; See Michaber E.H. 2:8; Admur 444:15; Rambam Issurei Biya 21; Rebbe Yochanon Pesachim 49a; Tzemach Tzedek Even Haezer 11; Otzer Haposkim 1:2-8:44; See Shulchan Menachem E.H. 6:247

[22] Likkutei Sichos 22:299; See Yevamos 64a

[23] Igros Kodesh 29:30

[24] Igros Kodesh 11:126

[25] Igros Umaanos Michtav 15, brought in Shulchan Menachem 5:25

[26] Igros Kodesh 11:126; 18:32

[27] Igros Kodesh 11:278

[28] Igros Kodesh 11:278

[29] Piskeiy Teshuvos 223:1

[30] Toras Hayoledes 37:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 223:1 footnote 8

[31] Pesakim Uteshuvos 241:7; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibbud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 375; Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 574 footnote 133-146

[32] Omitted from Sanhedrin 56b; See Kiddushin 31a which implies that a gentile is not commanded in the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av “Ula taught: The extent that one must go to honor one’s parents can be learned from a certain idol worshiper from the city of Ashkelon by the name of Dama the son of Nesina. The sages came to him with a business offer to purchase an item of his that would give him 600,000 gold coins as profit. However, since the key to retrieve the item was under the head of his father who was sleeping, he could not sell the item, as he did not want to awaken his father and cause him pain. Rebbe Eliezer taught the same story, however adding that the item that the sages desire to purchase was a precious stone for the Ephod, and that the next year G-d rewarded the Gentile by having a red cow born to his heard. When the sages approached him regarding the sale of the red cow, he replied that although he could request any money in the world, he only request the amount of money that he lost from not selling the precious stone the previous year due to his desire to honor his parent. Rav Chanina stated that if someone who is not even commanded in the mitzvah receives such reward all the more so will be the reward of one who is commanded and does so.”; Nazir 61a; Rabbeinu Chananel Ben Shmuel and Rabbeinu Baruch on Kiddushin ibid; Rabbeinu Peretz on Nazir ibid; Beis Hillel 241; Yad Avraham 241; Zekan Aron 2 Y.D. 87; Yad Shaul 241:4; Shaareiy Deiah 241:9; Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 127; Likkutei Sichos 5:147 and 154-155; 313-314; 406; Vol. 36 p. 95; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 63-64

[33]  Implication of Michaber Y.D. 241:6 who says that a convert is obligated to respect his parents being that he was obligated to do so prior to his conversion [Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 241; However, see Likkutei Sichos Volume 5 p. 154 footnote 38 that from here we learn that he is obligated in not shaming his father and not that he must also respect]; Implication of Megillah 17a that Yaakov as punished for the 22 years that he did not serve his parents [See Likkutei Sichos p. 154 footnote 32]; All Geonim who list Kibbud Av Vaeim as part of the laws a gentile is to keep [brought in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 67-68]; Rashi end of Parshas Noach that Avraham was required to fulfill Kibbud Av and 9:23; Binyamon Zev 169; Zekan Aron 2 Y.D. 87; Igros Haperi Megadim Igeres 3:20, brought in Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 241:9; Nachal Eshkol 2 p. 126; Keli Chemda Yisro 7; Meiah Shearim Shaar 51; Igros Moshe 2:130; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 66; Likkutei Sichos 5:51 footnote 34 that Kibbud Av existed before Matan Torah and therefore Sheim was required to assist his father Noah in assisting with feeding the animals in the ark; Likkutei Sichos 5:142 footnote 5b; p. 147; p. 154 that at the very least they were commanded against shaming their parents and therefore we find that Cham was punished for shaming his father [See Bereishis Raba 36:6; Pirkei Derebbe Eliezer 23; Rashi 9:23] and that is also why Lavan was considered wicked for the fact that he answered prior to his father Besuel [see Rashi Chayeh Sarah 24:50] p. 160-161 that gentiles were only commanded in a certain degree of honoring their parents and not to the full extent of a Jew after the giving of the Torah

The reason: This obligation is due to that a) the Gentiles have accepted upon themselves to honor their parents despite not being commanded in it. [Geonim ibid; Zekan Aron 2 Y.D. 87; Igros Haperi Megadim Igeres 3:20 and Poras Yosef, brought in Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 241:9; Likkutei Sichos 5:147] b) The Gentiles are slightly obligated in honoring their parents in order to show their gratitude and not cause a desecration of G-d’s name. [Keli Chemda Yisro 7; Igros Moshe 2:130; Likkutei Sichos Volume 5 p. 160 footnote 67-68 and page 407 based on Yerushalmi Peiah 1:1] c) The Gentiles accepted this command upon themselves when the Torah was given. [Meiah Shearim Shaar 51] d) Any matter that is required for the settlement of the world is an obligation even upon Gentiles and is included in the command to civilize the world and establish courts of justice [i.e., Dinim]. Hence, even gentiles were commanded in a certain degree of honoring their parents but not to the full extent of the Jewish people after the giving of the Torah in which case honoring one’s parents became a full independent command. [Likkutei Sichos Volume 5 p. 160 and p. 406 based on Ramban and Yerushalmi ibid; Nachal Eshkol ibid; Keli Chemda ibid] e) Any matter which the human mind obligates as a part of morality and civility is obligatory upon gentiles. [Hakdamas Ran Gaon Brachos; Yad Efraim 4 p. 170; Likkutei Sichos Vol. 36 P. 95 footnote 47] See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 376 footnote 67-75; See Likkutei Sichos 36:96 that there are two aspects in the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, one an intellectual moral aspect which is between man and his fellow, and a second which is between man and God, as through honoring one’s parents one honors God. The Rebbe there explains that only the former aspect is relevant to Gentiles, while the latter aspect is only relevant for Jews, as only by Jews is the infant light of God united with their bodies, and hence does honoring them not consist of idolatry, in contrast to Gentiles in which honoring them with consist of Shituf.

[34] Keli Chemda ibid

[35] Kiddushin ibid

[36] See Noam Elimelech Parshas Vayeitzei; Rachamei Ha’av 2

[37] See Targum Yonason Ben Uziel Vayishlach 32:12; Bereishis Raba 82:14; Devarim Raba 1:5; Zohar 1:146; Likkutei Sichos 36:91 footnote 10

[38] See Tanchuma 8 and Pesikta Rabasi 23 that Moshiach cannot come until Esav receives his reward for honoring his parents

[39] See Michaber Y.D. 239:8, based on Teshuvos Harashba Meyuchasos Leramban 272, “If one swore to live by his wife’s family, then even though that by doing so he will nullify honoring his father and mother, it is not considered that he is swearing to nullify a Mitzvah of the Torah”; Binyamin Zev 281; Maharam Shick Y.D. 208; Megillah 17a that Yaakov Avinu was punished for the 22 years that he was away from home; Shemos Raba 34; Sefer Chassidim 564; Minhagei Maharil Likkutim Tzadik; Avnei Nezer O.C. 535:11 “From the above we learn that ideally one is to live next to his parents in order to serve them”; Yifei Laleiv 3 Kuntrus Achron Y.D. 240:4; Meiah Shearim 16 [p. 71]; Ish Matzliach Y.D. 1:30; Lehoros Nasan 5:53-7; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:15 footnote 128; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 379; See Likkutei Sichos 39:298 to not live next to them if doing so will cause a Nissayon in Kibbud Av Vaeim

 [40] Rameh and Meiri and Hamakneh on Kiddushin 31b; Tashbeitz 3:288; Maharsha Chidushei Agados Kiddushin 31b; Minchas Chinuch Mitzvah 212; Pesakim Teshuvos 240:46; See Kiddushin 31b “Rav Assi had an elderly mother and would do whatever she asked. If she asked for jewelry, he would give her jewelry. When she asked for a husband, he replied that he would search for one on her behalf. When however, she asked for a husband like him, he realized that she lost her mind, and he therefore left her for Israel. When he heard that she was coming to see him in Israel he approached Rebbe Yochanon and asked him if he may leave Israel to the Diaspora? He replied that it is forbidden to leave Israel. So, he asked him if it is permitted to leave Israel in order to greet his mother? He replied that he does not know. After some time, Rav Assi asked Rebbe Yochanon a second time the same question, to which he replied that since he sees that he really wants to leave Israel, may God return him to Babylon in peace. Rav Assi approached Rebbe Elazar asked him if Rebbe Yochanon was angry with him and therefore answered him in this manner. Rebbe Elazar replied that since Rebbe Yochanon blessed him, he was therefore serious in his answer not angry. In the end, his mother passed away after he left Israel to greet her, and Rav Assi exclaimed that if he would have known he would have not left Israel.”; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 439 footnotes 494

[41] See Michaber O.C. 511:6; Y.D. 372:1; Rambam Melachim 5:9; Kesubos 11a; Avoda Zara 13a; Kiddushin 31b; M”B 511:14; Birkeiy Yosef 568; Peri Haretz E.H. 3:11; Shaareiy Teshuvah 568:20; Sdei Chemed Eretz Yisrael 37; Nitei Gavriel 90:4; Likkutei Sichos 15:202 footnote 15; 18:399; 25:151; Shulchan Menachem 7:147-148; Sichos Kodesh 5716 34, 2nd day of Chag Shavuos p. 276; Sichas night of Gimel Tamuz p. 290; Igros Kodesh 18:404; Gilyon Kefar Chabad 93 p. 12; 86

[42] The reason: The reason behind all this is because it is permitted for one to leave Eretz Yisrael for the sake of fulfilling a mitzvah, and by visiting one’s parents and certainly by caring for them in the diaspora, one fulfills the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av Vaeim.

[43] Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 906

[44] See Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 footnote 1089-1095

[45] Meiri and Rameh ibid

[46] Tashbeitz ibid; Peas Hashulchan 2:8 in the opinion of Rashi; Beis Shlomo Y.D. 2:94

[47] Pesakim Teshuvos 240:46; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 446 footnote 981-992

[48] Maharam Merothenberg 28; 79; Mabit 1:139, brought in Shiyurei Kneses Hagedola 240:28; Peas Hashulchan 2:21; Mel Tzedakah 26; See Rashi end of Parshas Noach regarding Avraham; Maharsha Kesubos 111a; Mishpitei Aretz 11:5 leaves this matter in question; See Likkutei Sichos 39:298

[49] Beis Shlomo Y.D. 2:94 based on Rishonim who rule that the Mitzvah to live in Israel is not an obligation; Panim Yafos Bereishis 12; Binas Adam on Mishpitei Aretz 11:3; Bereishis Raba 39:7; See Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 75:6; Sefer Hamakneh Kiddushin 31b; Vayoel Moshe Mamar Yishuv Eretz Yisrael 81

[50] Pesakim Teshuvos ibid; See Sefer Nishmas Kol Chaiy 1:48; Maaseh Avraham Y.D. 43

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