20. Attending a Simcha:[1]

It is forbidden for an Onen to attend a Simcha, or any joyous meal. This applies even if he waiters at the meal.[2] This applies even on Shabbos. It is certainly forbidden for him to attend a wedding.

A. Bris Milah:

If the Onen had a son born to him and his Bris Milah is due to be performed on the day of the burial, some Poskim[3] rule the Bris is to take place prior to the burial. In such a case the Sandek is to recite the blessing [of Lehachniso], and not the father. Other Poskim[4] however rule the Bris is to take place after the burial.[5] Practically, if the burial is able to take place in the morning prior to Shacharis, [or prior to the desired time of the Bris] then the burial should take place beforehand, and if not then the Bris should take place first.[6] [This applies even if the Milah is taking place past the 8th day, it is nevertheless to be preceded to the burial.[7] It is disputed however if this applies even if the father of the child is a Mohel.[8]]

Sandek:[9] An Onen should not be a Sandek.

B. Pidyon Haben:[10]

An Onen is not to perform the Mitzvah of Pidyon Haben until after the burial.

C. May a relative who is an Onen attend a wedding?[11]

Parents: It is permitted for the father or mother of the Chasan or Kallah to participate in the wedding, even during Aninus, if the needs of the deceased have already been handed to the Chevra Kadisha.[12] This includes attending the Chuppah, and being present by the meal and dancing, although they are not to eat in the meal, and are not to partake in the dancing. They are not required to do any Shimush by the meal.

Grandparents: Grandparents may participate in the Chuppah although are not to participate in the meal.

All other relatives [siblings/uncles/aunts, nieces/nephews; cousins, brother/sister in-laws]: It is forbidden for other relatives to participate in the Chuppah or wedding during Shiva.

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[1] Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:10 in name of Givat Shaul 9

[2] See Givat Shaul ibid that only if this is his Parnasa, may he waiter the meal.

[3] Rashal 70, brought in Taz 341:6; Michaber 360:1 “A corpse and Milah, Milah comes first”; Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 in name of regarding if the father is the Mohel

[4] Rama in Kesav Yad, brought in Taz ibid; Birkeiy Yosef in name of Beis Yehuda 2:70, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 regarding if the father is the Mohel

[5] The reason: In order so the father can say the blessing of Lehachniso, as it is forbidden to say this blessing while he is an Onen. [Rama ibid]

[6] Taz 341:6; Chasam Sofer 325, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20

[7] Teshuvah Meahavah 1:85, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20

[8] Birkeiy Yosef in name of Beis Yehuda 2:70, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 rules the burial is to be preceded if the father is the Mohel; Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:20 implies from Chasam Sofer ibid that the Bris is to be preceded even if the father is the Mohel

[9] See Nitei Gavriel 37:2

[10] See Nitei Gavriel 37:9-10

[11] See Nitei Gavriel 16:16-18; Pnei Baruch 20:

[12] The reason: As it is their day of Simcha and the Chasan and Kallah will be saddened if they are not present. [Gesher ibid]