By a wedding/Sheva Brachos:[1]
Chuppah: Some Rishonim[2] record that one is to establish a division between men and women by the Chuppah. However, it suffices to have a Mechitza of ten Tefach between the sides and it is not necessary for it to completely block the sight of the women.[3] Practically, however, the widespread custom of many generations is for there not to be a Mechitza by a Chuppa, and so was done with the participation of Gedolei Yisrael. Nonetheless, it is proper for there to be some separation between them.[4]
Wedding: Some Poskim[5] rule it is forbidden to recite Shehasimcha Bemiono by the Sheva Brachos of a meal which contained mixed seating of men and woman, or a lack of Mechitza between the sections, being that the evil inclination is found in this event. [According to this opinion, it is forbidden to have mixed seating by the meal and a Mechitza is required between the men and the women.[6]] Other Poskim[7], however, rule that it is permitted to have a wedding meal or Sheva Brachos without a Mechitza, and one may say Shehasimcha Bemiono by the Sheva Brachos of such a meal.[8] Practically, although in previous times there was leniency in this matter even among some segments of Orthodox Jewry even by a wedding[9], nonetheless, in today’s times the widespread custom amongst Chareidi Jewry is to have a Mechitza by the wedding venue for separating the men and women, and so is the opinion of the Rebbe that it is an actual requirement according to Shulchan Aruch according to all opinions, as the basis of the leniency of the lenient opinion is no longer applicable.[10]
Participating in mixed wedding: Despite the above requirement for a Mechitza by a wedding, some Poskim[11] conclude that it remains permitted to participate in a wedding meal without a Mechitza [which follows the lenient approach] so long as the dancing is separate and the women are dressed modestly [and some require also that there not be mixed seating]. However, if one strongly suspects that he will be challenged with looking at the beauty of the women by the wedding which is forbidden and can lead him to even greater sin, then it is better for him not to attend such a wedding, even if there is a separate seating [due to the mingling that happens outside of the hall], and certainly if there is no Mechitza at all.[12]
The benefits of having a Mechitza and detriment of not having one:[13] Being careful in this matter of having a Mechitza between the men and women by the wedding allows one to recite the blessing of Shehasimcha Bemiono, which draws down the blessing of G-d to the celebration so the couple lead a happy, healthy, and blessed life together. Performing the venue without a Mechitza forfeits this blessing and can negatively affect the couple and their future together, heaven forbid. Accordingly, even though it is accepted among some segments of Orthodox Jewry to perform the wedding venue without a Mechitza, practically, this is not to be done, and has led to many Tzaros.[14]
Mixed Dancing:[15] It is absolutely forbidden for men and women to dance together, and with each other, whether a married woman is dancing with another man that is not her husband, or a single girl and boy are dancing together. [The concept of mixed dancing is the exact opposite of the concept of the wedding. A wedding celebrates the unity of a man and woman to be sanctified to each other. Mixed dancing emphasizes the exact opposite, as a married woman dances with another man, and single boys and girl dance with each other without needing marriage. When G-d in heaven sees that this marriage has led to this type of joy it can have a negative impact.[16]]
Mechitza by Dancing:[17] According to all opinions, it is forbidden for men to watch women dancing and therefore a Mechitza is required.
Sheva Brachos meal: Ideally, the question of whether a Mechitza is necessary between men and women by a Sheva Brachos meal, is subject to the same debate in the Poskim mentioned regarding a wedding meal[18], by which the Rebbe concluded to be stringent and so is the widespread custom by a wedding meal, and the same should apply to a Sheva Brachos meal.[19] [Nonetheless, for some reason, many are more lenient by a Sheva Brachos meal to not have a formal Mechitza between the men and women. This especially applies if it is not open for acquaintances and friends and is only attended by the immediate families.] Some Poskim[20] rule that by a Sheva Brachos it suffices to have a Mechitza of ten Tefach between the sides and it is not necessary for it to completely block the sight of the women, and in such a case one may say Shehasimcha Bimiono.
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[1] See Igros Moshe 1:41; Y.D. 4:24-3; Yabia Omer E.H. 3:19; Bnei Banim 1:35; Shulchan Menachem 6:50; Pardesh Chabad ibid; Hiskashrus 588
[2] Rashi Kiddushin 81a “A place of gathering of groups of men and women, or for a Drasha or for a Chuppah”
[3] See Kiddushin ibid and Rashi ibid; Seridei Eish 1:77
[4] Kesav Sofer E.H. 47
[5] Beis Shmuel 62:11 regarding same room; Bach E.H. 62 regarding same room; Sefer Chassidim 393 and 1120 regarding mixed seating; Sefer Haminhagim Tirana regarding lack of Mechitza which allow men and women to see each other; Kitzur SHU”A 149:1; M”B 415:2
[6] See HaPardes Rashi p. 72 “It is forbidden to gather women with men whether by a meal, or by dancing or by any matter, and rather men are to be alone and women are to be alone.”; Kitzur SHU”A 149:1 “One needs to beware that men and women do not eat in the same room”; Lev Avraham 1:135; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 651; Om Ani Choma 1:24 in name of 34 Gedolei Yerushalayim in 1926; Igros Kodesh 9:1, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50, Shidduchin Unissuin p. 151; Likkutei Sichos 9:333; Letter printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50 p. 224“That which you were told that the mixture of men and woman by a wedding meal only negates the saying of Shehasimcha Bimiono, and is not intrinsically forbidden, and those who are careful to have a divider is a mere act of piety which cannot be enforced on any, is absolutely preposterous. The entire reason for the negation of saying Shehasimcha Bimino by a mixed wedding venue is because the evil inclination rules in that setting. Now, for whom amongst Israel is it permitted to allow the evil inclination to rule heaven forbid, and one should not lengthen an obvious matter.”; Hiskashrus 588:11; This obligation, is similar to the law recorded that it was an obligation to appoint a police patrol by the holidays that to make sure that intermingling does not occur. [See Admur 529:13; Michaber 529:4; Rambam Hilchos Yom Tov 6:21]; Yabia Omer E.H. 3:19 that initially one should have a Mechitza by a wedding; Bnei Banim 1:35 in his first approach rules that while mixed seating is forbidden, separate seating without a Mechitza is permitted
Other opinions: Some Poskim argue that even according to the above opinion of the Bach, one can say that there is no prohibition in the mixed seating, as they only negate the saying of Shehasimcha Bimiono, and if indeed the mixed seating itself was intrinsically prohibited, then why didn’t they scream against it and protest its occurrence in their city. Likewise, one can argue that even according to the Sefer Chassidim that the intermingling itself is forbidden, perhaps having separate seating suffices and having actual dividers is not necessary. However, according to the Sefer Minhagim Tirana and Beis Shmuel ibid, it is clear that a blocking divider is necessary. [See Hiskashrus 588:11; Bnei Banim 1:35]
[7] Levush O.C. Vol. 2 [Levush Hachor] Minhagim 36 [end of Sefer, last Halacha], brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah E.H. 62:18, in possible defense of the custom to be lenient, after quoting the Sefer Chassidim ibid he concludes “today we are no longer accustomed to be careful in this, and possibly the reason for this is because today’s women are much more accustomed to be found amongst men, and hence there is not as much sinful thought caused by this, as we consider them like a “white geese” [see Brachos 20b] due to having become accustomed to then being amongst us, and since they have become used to it, they have become used to it and may G-d bless us to see the joy of the coming of our Redeemer and the building of our holy temple.” [See Hiskashrus 588:11 that perhaps even the Levush ibid only referred to a small Sheva Brachos meal, but not to a Wedding meal]; Beis Meir E.H. 62; Igros Moshe O.C. 1:41 “I question whether there is a prohibition and I more lean to say that there is not”; Y.D. 4:24-3 “A wedding is a private event, and a Mechitza is only needed by a public event”; Yabia Omer E.H. 3:19 that although initially one should have a Mechitza by a wedding, nonetheless, Bedieved one may rely on the Heter of the Levush; Bnei Banim 1:35 in length who proves that a Mechitza is not required although in his first approach rules that mixed seating remains forbidden, although in his final approach he concludes that even this is not a clear prohibition; Other opinions brought above regarding a Mechitza even though they agree Shehasimcha Bimiono should not be said
[8] The reason: As in today’s times men are very accustomed to being around women and hence are not led to sinful thoughts as a result of seeing them, and hence Shehasimcha Bimiono may be recited even by a mixed crowd. [Levush ibid] Alternatively, independent of the above, a Mechitza is not needed by a wedding being that it is only required by a public event, while a wedding is a private event, and is similar to the Pesach sacrifice meal which had to be eaten in a group of men and women without a Mechitza dividing them. [Igros Moshe ibid]
[9] Levush ibid that the custom is to be lenient [See, however, Hiskashrus 588:11 that perhaps even the Levush ibid only referred to a small Sheva Brachos meal, but not to a Wedding meal]; See Igros Kodesh 9:1, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50, “I am aware that there are many weddings that have unfortunately taken place without a Mechitza between the men and women, even amongst the Orthodox. However, I also know of the great Tzaros that have come as a result of this.”; Bnei Banim 1:35 that many Gedolei Yisrael attended weddings in which the men and women sat on different tables without a Mechitza; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 651 that so is done in Johannesburg and New York, and many of the Rabbanim join the Chasanas in both cities and some even do so by their own weddings
[10] Om Ani Choma 1:24; Igros Kodesh 9:1, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50, “I have heard that your family opposes having the wedding of your daughter and Chasan in accordance to the rulings of the Shulchan Aruch which requires there to be a Mechitza between the men and women……..The Shulchan Aruch sets the rule that a wedding must be done with a Mechitza” and in footnote 1 “Regarding what the Levush wrote that in today’s times we view the woman like a white geese….. Due to our great sins we see that nowadays this is not the case”; Letter printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50 p. 224
The reason: As today’s women dress more attractive and less modestly than in previous times. Likewise, in previous times the weddings were small family functions, unlike today. [Om Ani Choma 1:24]
[11] Yabia Omer E.H. 3:19 that although initially one should have a Mechitza by a wedding, nonetheless, Bedieved one may rely on the Heter of the Levush; Lev Avraham 1:135 regarding separate seating without Mechitza; Bnei Banim 1:35 even by mixed seating; Sova Semachos 4:15; See Hiskashrus 588:11
Mixed seating wedding: Some Poskim rule that even Bedieved it is forbidden to attend a wedding with both men and women sitting on the same table. [Lev Avraham 1:135; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 651] However, see Bnei Banim 1:35
[12] See Sefer Chassidim 393
[13] See Igros Kodesh 9:1, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50, in great length for strong worded letter in which the Rebbe tries to influence the parents of a couple to agree to have a Mechitza by their children’s wedding and how doing so is connected with the blessing of G-d for the successfulness of the marriage.
[14] Igros Kodesh 9:1, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50, “I am aware that there are many weddings that have unfortunately taken place without a divider between the men and women, even amongst the Orthodox. However, I also know of the great Tzaros that have come as a result of this.”
[15] Binyamon Zev 305; Rashal in Yam Shel Shlomo Gittin 81:18; Shaareiy Teshuvah 529; Otzer Haposkim 21:5; Shulchan Haezer 9:2-6; Zichron Yosef; M”B 415:2; Minchas Yitzchak 5:99-1;Igros Moshe O.C. 2:30; E.H. 1:97; Divrei Yoel 121-122; Igros Kodesh 23:126; 27:420, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50 p. 224; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 12:218; This is based on the law recorded that it was an obligation to appoint a police patrol by the holidays that to make sure that intermingling does not occur. [See Admur 529:13; Michaber 529:4; Rambam Hilchos Yom Tov 6:21] See regarding that any touch of affection to an Erva, such as hugging and kissing, is a Biblical prohibition and is a negative command that carries the penalty of lashes: Michaber E. H. 21:1; Admur Y.D. 184:6 in name of Bach; Shach 157:10; Rambam Issurei Biyah 21 and Minyan Hamitzvos 353, brought in Shach Y.D. 157:10; 195:20 and Beis Shmuel E.H. 20:1 and Beis Yosef 195; So also rules Ran and Nemukei Yosef end of Sanhedrin Perek Ben Sorer Umorer; Semag Lavin 126; Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 188; Harav Lion in Sefder Megillas Esther p. 118
[16] Igros Kodesh 27:420, printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:50 p. 224
[17] Binyamon Zev 305; Otzer Haposkim 21:5; Shulchan Haezer 9:2-6; Seemingly, so is proven from the separation in the Temple by the Simchas Beis Hashoeiva
[18] The original debate was not regarding the wedding meal per se but rather regarding any Sheva Brachos meal and if the blessing of Shehasimcha Bimiono may be recited. Hence, the conclusions brought above regarding the wedding meal should apply likewise regarding any of the Sheva Brachos meal.
[19] See however Hiskashrus 588:11 that perhaps even the Rebbe only referred to a wedding meal, but not to a small Sheva Brachos meal by which one can rely on the Levush ibid
[20] Shevet Halevi 8:281; See Hiskashrus 588:11 that according to the Sefer Chassidim that the intermingling itself is forbidden, perhaps having separate seating suffices and having actual dividers is not necessary. However, according to the Sefer Minhagim Tirana, it is clear that a blocking divider is necessary
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