This article is an excerpt from our Sefer

Haircut during year of Aveilus:[1]

One who is in mourning for a relative other than his parent may cut his hair after the conclusion of Shloshim. However, one who is in mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut until [thirty days have passed[2] and] he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance.[3] [However, body hair may be cut.[4]]

How long to wait if one is not reprimanded:[5]  There is a dispute amongst Poskim[6] as to when this time of reprimanding is reached [in the event that his friends do not reprimand him[7]]. Practically, the custom is that after three months [from the beginning of Aveilus[8]] one may get a haircut [even if he is not reprimanded[9]]. This is formally known as Shiur Gearah.

Trimming/Shaving the beard:[10] After the Shloshim, it is permitted for all mourners [who are generally accustomed to trim or shave] to trim or shave the beard even if the mourner has not been reprimanded.[11] [This, however, only applies if thirty days have passed from the last time one has shaved or trimmed his beard. Thus, if for whatever reason one trimmed or shaved after the start of Shloshim[12], he would have to wait until thirty days from his last trim/shave to be allowed to trim or shave.[13]]

Women:[14] The Poskim do not explicitly write that a daughter who is in mourning for a father or mother must wait past Shloshim, until Shiur Gearah, in order to cut her hair. Some understand based on this that in truth there is no Shiur Gearah by the hair of a woman, and she may thus cut her hair immediately after the Shloshim. Others, however, suggest that she should wait three months just like a man.

Does a holiday permit a haircut?[15] If during the period of Aveilus, prior to the passing of Shiur Gearah, one reaches a Holiday, the Holiday does not help remove the prohibition against taking a haircut, and it remains in place until the Shiur Gearah is met [or he is reprimanded prior to the Holiday[16] and thirty days have passed[17]].

Combing the hair: It is permitted for an Avel to comb the hair with a comb, even during Shiva. This applies for both men and women. See Chapter 19 Halacha 12 for the full details of this matter!

Summary: *Includes crucial points explained in Q&A! First month: One who is within the first month of mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut even if he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance. 2nd-3rd month: One who is within the 2nd-3rd month of mourning for his father or mother may not take a haircut unless he is reprimanded by his friends for his ill-mannered appearance. After third month: One who is three months past the start of the mourning [Aninus] may take a haircut even if he is not reprimanded. Q&A May a Mohel or Sandek cut his hair in honor of a Bris prior to Shiur Gearah?[18] No. May one cut his hair prior to Shiur Gearah in order to keep his job or be effective in government circles? One is to contact a Rav in such a case.[19] May one cut the hair for medical reasons? Some[20] suggest that it is permitted to do so. May one cut his hair for the sake of a Mitzvah, such as if it contains a worry of Chatzitza by Tefillin? Some Poskim[21] rule that one may cut his hair for the sake of a Mitzvah even prior to the passing of three months and Shiur Gearah. May one shave in order to hide the mourning from a dangerously ill relative?[22] Yes. May a mourner cut his hair after thirty days/Shiur Gearah during the days of Sefirah? See Chapter 27 Halacha 12B in Q&A!

May a mourner cut his hair after thirty days/Shiur Gearah during Bein Hametzarim? See Chapter 27 Halacha 13D! Q&A on Shiur Gearah From when does one begin to count the three months? Some Poskim[23] rule the three months begins from the beginning of Aveilus, which means from the time of Aninus and onwards.[24] Other Poskim[25] rule it begins from one’s last haircut. Other Poskim[26] rule one may only be lenient to count from one’s last haircut if his friends reprimanded him. Practically, one is to be stringent to count three months from the beginning of Aveilus.[27] If three months have passed, must one wait until he is reprimanded to cut his hair? No. If three months have passed one may cut his hair even if he is not reprimanded.[28] Nevertheless, some Poskim[29] are stringent to require reprimanding even after three months. If three months has not yet passed, may he cut his hair if he is reprimanded?[30] If one is reprimanded within thirty days from the mourning, he nevertheless remains prohibited in taking a haircut. If, however, one is reprimanded after thirty days, then one may cut his hair even prior to three months. If one is reprimanded on the thirtieth day, he may take a haircut.[31] Some are accustomed even initially to arrange to have a friend reprimand them after the passing of a few days after the Shloshim, and they then cut their hair.[32] Must three months pass between each successive haircut taken during the 12 months?[33] No. Once three months have passed from the beginning of Aveilus one can take as many haircuts as he desires in close proximity.[34] However, some Poskim[35] are stringent to require there to be three months between each haircut within the first twelve months, [unless it is a time of need, in which case one does not need to wait Shiur Gearah between each haircut[36]]. Q&A on Gearah Must the mourner be reprimanded specifically by a Jew?[37] No. It is valid even if he is reprimanded by a gentile whom one is acquainted with, such as a business partner or coworker. May the Jew ask someone to reprimand him so he can get a haircut?[38] No. However, he may purposely make his long hair visible in order to motivate people to do so. Is the reprimanding valid if the people do not know that he is in mourning?[39] Yes, it is valid even if they are unaware of his state of mourning.

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[1] 390:4; Moed Katan 22b; See Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26 for a general discussion of this law

The law if one’s parent forgave the child from mourning him: See Chapter 12 Halacha 1

The law if another relative passes away after Shloshim: See Chapter 19 Halacha 12!

The law of a Chasan who is getting married: See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:14

[2] Michaber 380:1 and 390:1; See Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50

[3] Michaber ibid; Gemara ibid

[4]What hair is included in the prohibition? Regarding Shloshim the Michaber 390:1 rules that the prohibition applies to all body hair, whether hair of the head or the face or any other limb of the body, including the pubic area. Regarding after Shloshim, however, the Michaber 380:4 plainly states that one may not do Giluach and does not go into details of whether the prohibition applies to all hairs or not. From the Poskim below who discuss trimming the beard it is evident that ideally this restriction is not limited to the hair of the head. Nonetheless, seemingly, it does not apply to body hair other than the head and face, as the concept of Gearah is only applicable to visible hair. The only other implication would be to say that since there is no Shiur Gearah by body hair, therefore it may never be cut until after 12 months. However, from the fact that no Poskim explicitly mention this great novelty is clearly implied like the former, that one may cut and trim body hair without restriction after the Shloshim.

[5] Rama 390:4; Agudah; Maharil; Ran

Intent of three months: The Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26 gives four possible explanations into the intent of the Rama to wait 3 months: 1) One cannot cut his hair before three months even if he is reprimanded, and after three months it is allowed even if no one reprimands him. 2) If there is no one around to reprimand him then after three months he may cut his hair. 3) Within three months it does not help to be reprimanded, although after three months, if one is reprimanded, he may get a haircut. 4) One can cut his hair even prior to three months if he is reprimanded, and if he was not reprimanded, he may cut his hair after three months.

Other customs: Some are accustomed that mourners of a parent do not to get a haircut for the entire 12 months, unless there is a need, such as one’s hair is too heavy to carry, or he is acquainted with gentiles and is not considered representable amongst them due to his hair, in which case he may cut his hair. [Rama ibid; See Chayeh Adam 165:27; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12]

[6] Some Poskim rule the Shiur is two months. [Smak] Others rule it is after one month. [See Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 51; Divrei Nechemia ibid; Nitei Gavriel 3:10]

[7] Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50; Daas Kedoshim 390; Nitei Gavriel 3:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may only be lenient to cut his hair if his friend reprimands him, if three months have passed from his last haircut. [Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26]

[8] See Q&A!

[9] See Poskim ibid and Q&A!

[10] Chasam Sofer 347; Nodah Beyehuda O.C. 14; Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:4; Maharam Shick 371; Darkei Hachaim 13:4; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:7

[11]The reason: Although the restriction against cutting hair extends past Shloshim for a mourner of a parent, nevertheless by a beard, the Shiur Gearah is reached after thirty days. Thus, if one did not shave throughout the Shloshim [as required] then he may trim or shave his beard. [Chasam Sofer and Poskim ibid]

[12] Such as if he was unaware of the death and burial and then joined the Gadol Habayis; or if he transgressed and shaved.

[13] Implication of Poskim ibid; Furthermore, according to those opinions who require Shiur Gearah between each haircut, here too one would only be allowed to shave or trim once in thirty days throughout the entire 12 months. Practically, however, many Poskim are lenient once the first Shiur Gearah has been reached. See Q&A!

[14] See Michaber and Rama 390:5 who argue over Shloshim; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:20 footnote 29 for a discussion on this matter!

[15] Rama 390:4; Michaber O.C. 548:9; Y.D. 399:4; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:7; See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:4 and 6 for leniencies regarding Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Pesach

If one is a Kohen with long hair: See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:3

[16] Yad Shaul 390; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 49; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:2

If one is reprimanded on Yom Tov after 30 days: Some Poskim rule that if one is reprimanded on Yom Tov after the conclusion of Shloshim, then he may get a haircut during Chol Hamoed. [Machazik Bracha 531; Birkeiy Yosef Y.D. 399;] Other Poskim however rule it is forbidden. [Kneses Hagedola and other Poskim brought in Birkeiy Yosef ibid] See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:12

[17]If one is reprimanded before Yom Tov, before 30 days: Some Poskim rule that if one is reprimanded prior to the Holiday he may be lenient to get a haircut even within 30 days. [Nodah Beyehuda O.C. 14, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:4] Practically, the Poskim negate this opinion. [Teshuvah Meahava 1:124; Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]

[18] See Noda Beyehuda Tinyana 14:213, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:1; Many Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:15

The law of a Chasan who is getting married: See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 5:14

[19] See Rama 390:4 regarding leniency of year; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:11 regarding leniency of after Shiva.

[20] See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:13 that it is permitted to cut the hair for medical reasons, such as due to lice.

[21] See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:15 in name of Divrei Sofrim 152

[22] Shevet Halevi Y.D. 213; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:17

[23] Conclusion of Maharam Shick Yoreh Deah 371; Daas Torah 390; Maharshag 2:214

[24] Meaning, that even if there were many days that passed between the death and burial, and subsequent start of Shiva, nevertheless one counts from the time of death.

[25] Initial ruling of Maharam Shick ibid; Hisorerus Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 204; Yosef Daas 390; Gesher Hachaim 21:11-3

[26] Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26; See there that he gives 4 possible explanations into the intent of the Rama to wait 3 months: 1) One cannot cut his hair before three months even if he is reprimanded, and after three months it is allowed even if no one reprimands him. 2) If there is no one around to reprimand him then after three months he may cut his hair. 3) Within three months it does not help to be reprimanded, although after three months, if one is reprimanded, he may get a haircut. 4) One can cut his hair even prior to three months if he is reprimanded, and if he was not reprimanded, he may cut his hair after three months.

[27] Nitei Gavriel 4:1; Rav Ginsberg; Rav Levi Garelick

[28] Birkeiy Yosef 390 in name of Rabbeinu Yeshaya Harishon 156 “Those that are particular to wait until they are reprimanded even after Shiur Gearah has passed, are foolish, as it is not the reprimanding that permits the haircut, but the span of time which makes one fit to be reprimanded.”; Mishmeres Shalom

[29] See Divrei Nechemia ibid

[30] Beis Yosef 390; Rav Akiva Eiger 390 in name of Elya Raba; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Maharshag 2:214; Peri Hasadeh 2:24; Mishmeres Shalom Gimmel 50; Daas Kedoshim 390; Nitei Gavriel 3:14

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may only be lenient to cut his hair if his friend reprimands him, if three months have passed from his last haircut. [Divrei Nechemia Yoreh Deah 26]

[31] Rav Akiva Eiger 390

[32] Sephardic custom recorded in Chaim Sheol 2:23; Shulchan Gavoa 390:12; Or Zarua 2:446; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:2

[33] See Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:3

[34] Rav Akiva Eiger 390:4 based on Or Zarua brought in Darkei Moshe; Adnei Paz 8; Pischeiy Teshuvah 390:4; Panim Meiros 2:53; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 1137; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 3

[35] Derech Hachaim; Implication of Chasam Sofer Y.D. 247 “It suffices to get a haircut every three months”; Yosef Daas 390; Darkei Hachaim 13:3; Gesher Hachaim 21; See Custom brought in Rama 390:4; Chayeh Adam 165:27; Kitzur SHU”A 211:12; Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:156 that it is proper to be stringent; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 3; Nitei Gavriel ibid concludes to be stringent unless it is a time of need

[36] Nitei Gavriel ibid

[37] See Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:3

[38] Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:4

[39] Maharshag 2:214; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 4:6