- Coveting another man’s wife:[1]
The prohibition of Lo Sachmod[2] and Lo Sisaveh[3] applies towards coveting another man’s wife, as explicitly stated in Scripture.
The definition of the prohibition of Lo Sachmod: Many Poskim[4] learn that the prohibition is against causing and influencing the husband to divorce his wife in order so he can marry her. However, it is not transgressed if one commits adultery with another man’s wife, which is independently forbidden due to the prohibition of “Lo Sinaf.” Other Poskim[5], however, learn to the contrary, that the prohibition is not transgressed if one influences the husband to divorce his wife in order to marry her. Rather, the prohibition is transgressed if one commits adultery with another man’s wife, with some[6] learning that it is transgressed the moment he brings her into his home, and others[7] learning that it is only transgressed if he has relations with her. According to this latter approach, committing adultery transgresses two negative commands; Lo Sinaf and Lo Sachmod. Other Poskim[8] learn that the prohibition is transgressed the moment one covets another man’s wife even in his mind and heart [and hence according to this approach there is no difference between the prohibition of Lo Sachmod and Lo Sisaveh upon coveting another man’s wife].
The definition of the prohibition of Lo Sachmod:[9] In addition to the coveting prohibition of Lo Sachmod, there is an additional prohibition of Lo Sisaveh. The difference between the two prohibitions are as follows: Although the prohibition of Lo Sachmod is not transgressed until one actually takes the wife of his friend [either in an adulterous relationship or after convincing him to divorce his wife, as explained above], nonetheless, from the moment that he begins to covet another man’s wife in his heart and thinks of ways of having her [either in an adulterous relationship or after convincing him to divorce his wife, as explained above], then he transgresses the negative command of Lo Sisaveh.[10] [However, if one simply covets the wife in his heart and desires her but does not actively contemplate a plan of how to get her from the husband, then according to many Poskim, this prohibition is not transgressed.]
Arrusa:[11] The prohibition of Lo Sachmod and Lo Sisaveh applies even towards a man’s Arrusa, whom she is Halachically engaged to, even if they have yet to wed.
Single:[12] The prohibition of Lo Sachmod and Lo Sisaveh does not apply towards a single girl, and hence is permitted for one to apply pressure to a girl to have her agree to marry him.
Man’s daughter:[13] The prohibition of Lo Sachmod and Lo Sisaveh does not apply towards a man’s daughter and hence it is permitted for one to apply pressure to the father of a girl until he agrees to give his daughter to him for marriage.
Not to cause others to be jealous:[14] It is forbidden for a man to beautify himself in order so he appear attractive in the eyes of a married woman and cause her to be infatuated with him in her heart. Likewise, it is forbidden for one to praise the beauty of a married woman in front of other men as doing so can lead them to covet her.[15]
May a woman covet another woman’s husband? The prohibition of Lo Sachmod is not transgressed if a woman covets another woman’s husband, as according to Jewish law, polygamy is allowed, and so was done by our matriarchs.
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The Temple was destroyed due to coveting another man’s wife:[16] It states in the prophets that one of the sins committed during the period of the destruction of the temple is that man coveted the house and wife and property of his friend. There was a story that a certain man placed his eye on the wife of his mentor who was teaching him how to be a carpenter. One time this mentor needed to borrow money from his student, and the student requested that he sent his wife to his home to receive the loan money. He remained with his mentors wife for three days after which she was sent back off to him. The mentor went to his students home to look for his wife asking him as to her whereabouts. He replied that he had sent her off right away and that he had heard that she was seduced by young men on the way home. The mentor asked his student as to what he suggests he should do about the situation, to which his student replied that he should divorce his wife. The mentor pushed back on divorce due to that the Kesuba payment was too high, so the student offer to lend his teacher the money to pay the Kesuba of his wife so he can divorce her. Indeed, that is exactly what happened, and the mentor divorced his wife using the money he borrowed from his student. After he divorced his wife, the student went ahead and married her. When it came time for the mentor to pay the debt to his student, he did not have the money to afford the payment, and hence was offered by his student to work for him in his home as a servant in its stead, until the loan is paid. So here they were, the student and his new wife wining and dining, being served and waited by her ex-husband. His eyes would shed a stream of tears while doing so, and the tears would fall into their cups. At that moment the verdict was given for the destruction of the temple.
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[1] Michaber 259:10 and Rambam Gezeila 1:10 regarding Lo Sisaveh; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech “Lo Sachmod” vol. 34 #3 p. 479-484 footnotes 248-297; Completely Omitted from Admur. Vetzaruch Iyun Gadol! Omitted from Michaber 359:10 and Rambam 1:9 regarding Lo Sachmod but included in Michaber ibid and 1:10 regarding Lo Sisaveh! [See Encyclopedia ibid footnote 261]
Lashes: One who covets another man’s wife in a way that transgresses the prohibition of Lo Sachmod is liable for the penalty of lashes. [Minchas Chinuch ibid; Encyclopedia ibid footnote 262-266]
[2] As explicitly stated in Scripture both in Shemos and Devarim; Omitted from Admur, Michaber, and Rambam ibid! See Smeh 359:19
[3] Michaber 259:10; Rambam Gezeila 1:10
[4] Smeh 359:19; Shut Harameh 255; Many Poskim in Encyclopedia ibid footnote 249; See there 248-255; See Gittin 58a, brought next!
[5] Minchas Chinuch ibid; Poskim in Encyclopedia ibid footnotes 258-261
[6] Maharam Shick; Poskim in Encyclopedia ibid footnote 260
[7] Minchas Chinuch ibid;
[8] Poskim in Encyclopedia ibid footnote 261
[9] See Michaber 259:10; Rambam Gezeila 1:10; Encyclopedia ibid pp. 481-483 footnotes 267-279; Omitted from Admur!
[10] The reason: As the prohibition against coveting referred to in the words Lo Sisaveh, applies simply to the desire of the heart. [Admur]
[11] Shut Harameh 255; Encyclopedia ibid footnote 248
[12] Shut Harameh 255; Aruch Hashulchan C.M. 359:11; Encyclopedia ibid p. 483 footnotes 280-285
[13] Mechilta Yisro Parsha 8; Aruch Hashulchan C.M. 359:11; Encyclopedia ibid p. 483-484 footnotes 286-293
[14] Sefer Chassidim 99; Sefer Hayirah; Mishneh Halachos 7:143; Encyclopedia ibid p. 483-484 footnotes 295-297
[15] The reason: as the words Lo Sachmod can be read as Lo Sichameid, which means not to cause others to be jealous.
[16] See Gittin 58a
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