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Chapter 16: Marital relations-Hazards related to marital relations

*For the full details of laws relating to marital relations in general and health hazards in particular [including both natural hazards and supernatural hazards as recorded in the Poskim], please refer to our corresponding Sefer “Kedushas Habayis-A comprehensive guide to Siman Reish Mem” available for purchase on Amazon.com and through our website.

 

1. Frequency: [Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Not to overindulge:[1]

The seed of man is the strength of his body and the light of his eyes. The more often that one releases seed, the greater the corrosion of the body and the loss of [quality of] life. Whoever overindulges in intercourse brings old age upon himself, weakens his energy, dims his eyes, and causes bad odor to dissipate from his mouth. The hair on his beard, underarms, and feet grow in abundance, and his teeth fall out. Many more pains and illnesses, other than those listed above, also befall him as a result. The doctors and medical scientists relate that one in a 1000 dies from other illnesses, while a thousand die from overindulgence in intercourse. Accordingly, one must be very careful in this matter if he wants to live a healthy life, and he should only have intercourse when his body is healthy and strong, and he has natural erections. [In addition to the above, man’s sperm is garnered from all the limbs of his body; and thus when it is released, it causes fatigue within the entire body.[2]]

Too much intercourse is like too much eating:[3] Intercourse is similar to eating in many ways, including regarding its frequencies. Just as one who eats too much is damaging his body, so too regarding one who engages in too much intercourse.

 

2. Where:

A. In a Bathhouse and bathroom:[4] [Shulchan Aruch]

One may not have relations in a bathhouse [or bathroom].

B. Intimacy in a room that has a light on:[5] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is forbidden to have intercourse in the presence of the light of a candle [or any other source of light, whether it be an electric bulb that contains a filament, a florescent or LED bulb light reaches the marital bed[6]].[7]

The punishment for doing so:[8] One who has intercourse opposite a candle causes the children born to him to have the Nichfin illness [i.e. epilepsy].[9] Likewise, it causes the children to come out hunchbacked and ugly.[10] Rav Chaim Vital relates as follows:[11] it will cause the children to become epileptics when they are young, and if they do not get it when they are young then certainly it will occur to them when they are very old. In fact, the majority of children who die young due to epilepsy is for this reason, being that their parents had intimacy opposite light. This danger applies even if one’s wife is already pregnant, nevertheless, it can cause the child to be born with epilepsy, and therefore one must beware.[12] This danger applies even if one puts up a Mechitza to block the light, so long as it does not completely block the light from entering [as will be explained in B]. The Arizal once related that he saw a great sage from the previous generations who was reincarnated into a goat, due to the above sin that he had had intimacy with light in the room and caused his children to die young.[13] Indeed, it is recorded in the Mekubalim that one who has intercourse in a room with light, is punished to be reincarnated into a goat.[14] [Some Poskim[15] rule that the above dangers are only applicable if the wife can become pregnant or is already pregnant, but does not apply if she is not pregnant and cannot become pregnant due to the intercourse. It is unclear if the above danger is also applicable to electric light, and if other leniencies recorded regarding being naked in front of a candle apply here as well.[16] Nonetheless, even if any leniency would be applicable, it is only regarding the danger, not regarding the permissibility, as the prohibition of having intercourse in front of light would nevertheless remain. Furthermore, from the words of the Arizal recorded above, it is implied that the danger applies in all cases that light can be seen, and none of the leniencies stated, regarding being naked in front of a candle, would apply here.[17]]

3. When:

A. Daytime versus nighttime:[18] [Talmud/Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is forbidden to have marital relations during daytime hours.[19] [One who has relations opposite the sun, causes the children born to have skin ailments.[20] One who has relations during the day has children born with reincarnated souls.[21]]

 

B. Bnei Senuah-Angry with each other or in a state of argument or fighting:[22] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is forbidden to have relations with one’s wife if he became angry with her until he appeases her. [The same applies if they got into an emotional argument or fight.[23]] One may talk with his wife during preparation of intercourse in order to appease her.[24] Lack of doing so can lead to having rebellious children [created from that sinful union, or have rebellious husbands] who go off the path of Torah and Mitzvos, as stated in A.

 

C. When feeling hungry or satiated:[25] [Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

[Due to medical reasons,[26] as well as due to negative effects on a child born from such a union] one is not to have intercourse when he [or she] is hungry or satiated [right after a meal].[27] Rather, one is to do so [some time] after eating, when the food has already begun to be digested [half-way to the point that he is no longer full, but also, not yet hungry[28]]. [This applies to both the husband and the wife.[29] This applies even if one’s wife cannot currently conceive, such as during pregnancy, and it most certainly applies if there is possibility of conception.[30] Seemingly, this adherence is not a letter of the law obligation, but rather a medical and practical advisory.]

Eating a proper diet prior to intimacy:[31] Being that the seed of man is developed from the foods which he eats, it is proper that one be careful to eat light and healthy foods on the day of intimacy, and that he does not overeat. Eating coarse foods will affect the quality of the seed and can cause the children to carry damaging character traits. Accordingly, the foods that one eats on the day of intimacy should also be regulated, this is included in the Mitzvah of Kedusha during Tashmish. Certainly, one who accidentally ate a non-Kosher food should not have intercourse on that day due to this reason, as the sperm created from such foods will be impure and contain evil tendencies. It is for this reason that the laws of childbirth brought in the beginning of Parshas Tazria follows the laws of Kashrus found in the end of Parshas Kedoshim.[32]

 

D. After leaving the bathroom:[33] [Achronim]

One who leaves a bathroom is not to have marital relations [for a certain period of time, as explained next].[34] [While this adherence especially applies if one can become pregnant from the intimacy, or is already pregnant, nonetheless, it should be followed at all times even if the wife cannot become pregnant and is past menopause.[35] This adherence applies to both the husband and the wife, and thus, if either one used the bathroom, the  wait time listed below is to be observed prior to intercourse.[36] This adherence applies even if one did not use the bathroom at all, but simply entered it.[37] This, however, only applies to an actual bathroom, and hence if one went to the bathroom in an open area, such as a field, it does not apply, and no delay is required.[38]]

How much time to wait: Some Poskim[39] write that intercourse is to be avoided for that entire hour. Others,[40] however, rule that one only needs to wait the period of half a Mil, which is 12 or even 9 minutes.[41] Practically, one is to wait 12, and at the very least 9, minutes after using the bathroom prior to intercourse. [This refers to actual intercourse. However, there is no need at all to delay engaging in hugging, kissing and the like until the passing of this time period.]

Q&A After a shower, must one wait a minimum of nine minutes prior to intercourse?[42] No. The above adherence applies specifically to a bathroom. Nonetheless, if one’s shower is found in the same room as one’s toilet, as is common in many homes, then one has to wait nine minutes, as stated above. Is one to wait a minimum of nine minutes prior to intercourse if only his hand entered into the bathroom, such as to close the door? Some Poskim[43] rule one is to do so. However, other Poskim[44] rule that regarding today’s bathrooms one may be lenient.

E. After excessive bathing, spa treatment or Jacuzzi:[45] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One is not to have relations on a day of [excessive[46]] bathing [such as during a spa treatment in which one spent excessive time in a jacuzzi, steam room or sauna]. [Accordingly, some Poskim[47] rule that one should not bathe his entire body in hot water on Erev Shabbos. Other Poskim,[48] however, rule that the above restriction is due to health reasons, however, according to Halacha it remains permitted to have relations even on the day of a spa treatment Hence, we find that Torah scholars would have intimacy on Friday night despite having visited the bathhouse on Erev Shabbos. Other Poskim[49] rule that the above restriction only applies in close proximity to the spa treatment. Thus, it is permitted to have intercourse the night before, or the night after, the spa treatment.[50] Practically, one may bathe in hot water on Erev Shabbos, and it is even a Mitzvah to do so, even though he plans to have relations that night.[51]  Seemingly, this avoidance of intercourse only applies if the husband had a lengthy spa treatment and does not apply when the wife has had one.]

Q&A May one have intimacy after a shower or bath?[52] Yes. The above restriction is only after excessive stay in hot water or steam.

F. After bloodletting and blood tests:[53] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Shulchan Aruch Harav]

One is not to have relations on a day of bloodletting [until he eats something, and his strength returns to him[54]]. [Thus, one is not to have relations after a blood test or blood donation until he eats and regains his strength.[55] Seemingly, this adherence only applies if the husband had a blood test and does not apply when the wife has had one.]

Intercourse after recovering from illness:[56] One who has recovered from an illness is to abstain from intercourse until he fully regains his strength. Lack of waiting until a full recovery can lead to relapse. [In all cases of doubt, one is to seek advice from a doctor.]

 

G. After travel and/or long walk or workout:[57] [Shulchan Aruch]

One is not to have relations on a day of travel, whether it be the day of leaving on a journey or the day of returning from a journey.[58] [This refers to one who is traveling by foot, however, one who travels by transportation [car, bus, ship, plane] may have marital relations on the day of travel, whether before or after, and on the contrary, is obligated to do so, as explained in Chapter 2 Halacha 3C.[59] Furthermore, some Poskim[60] rule that although one who is traveling by foot is not to have relations on the day of travel, nonetheless, he is obligated to do so the night before. Furthermore, some Poskim[61] rule that the above restriction for a foot traveler is due to health reasons, however, according to Halacha it remains permitted to have relations even on the day of foot travel, and hence he must appease his wife if he chooses not to do so.]

Q&A How much of a distance is defined as “travel” in the above regard? Some Poskim[62] rule that it is a distance of 12 Mil which is equivalent to 11.5 kilometers. May one have relations on a day that he walked a long distance, such as the day of a family hike, or long jog and the like?[63] If one walked the above distance of 11.5 kilometers, and is very exhausted from the walk, then he is to avoid relations on the night prior to doing so (if he knew the travel would exhaust him), as well as the night after. [Although some are lenient on the night before, and even on the day of, as stated above.] If one did a major body workout in the gym, or played an intense game of sports, may he have relations that day? If one is very exhausted from the workout or sports game, then he is to avoid relations on the night prior to doing so, as well as the night after. [Although, some are lenient on the night before, and even on the day of, as stated above.]

H. No erection: [Rambam/Achronim]

[From a medical perspective] one is not to have intercourse unless he has constant strong erections even when he is not thinking of the subject, and it weighs down on his thighs.[64] Nonetheless, this restriction is only due to health reasons, however, according to Halacha it remains permitted to have relations even if one has not reached such a state, such as for the sake of fulfilling the Mitzvah of Onah.[65] [Furthermore, even in the event that one has a natural erection, he is to try to re-arouse himself for the sake of the Mitzvah, and not have intercourse simply due to a natural erection which is due to male hormones.[66]]

I. One who woke up with an erection:[67] [Kabbalah/Achronim]

If one wakes up with an erection [such as due to an erotic dream[68]], he is to be very careful to not have intercourse at that time with that erection, Chas Veshalom. If he does so, the children will be blemished.[69] This applies even if his wife is already pregnant, as it nevertheless causes evil spirits to be created. The Zohar[70] states that an erection upon waking up comes from the angel of lust, called Na’ama/Lilis, and if one has a child from its desire, then Lilis will try to harm the child every Rosh Chodesh. [Rather, he is to wait for the erection to die down, and he may then re-arouse it for holy purposes.[71] A known Segula for reducing the excitement and killing the erection is to immediately go face down onto the ground or bed in a push-up position, and press the fingers of both his hands and toes into the ground.[72] If he cannot get the erection to die down, and has reached a state of excitement in which he fears that if he does not immediately have intercourse it will cause him to ejaculate in vain [Zera Levatala], then he is to have intercourse to save himself from this more severe sin.[73]]

J. After bad dream:[74] [Achronim]

Some Poskim[75] rule that one is not to have intimacy after having a bad dream until one fasts for the dream unless it is the night of Mikveh. Practically, since today people are no longer accustomed to fast after a bad dream, there is no issue to have intimacy after a bad dream.[76]

K. Day 90 of pregnancy:[77] [Achronim]

It is forbidden to have intercourse on day 90 of pregnancy, due to danger to the fetus as it can cause miscarriage.[78] Nonetheless, in today’s times, one is not required to be stringent in this matter, and Shomer Pesaim Hashem.[79] [However, according to Kabbalah, this stringency applies even today.[80] Accordingly, some Poskim[81] conclude that it is proper to be stringent even today to avoid intercourse on the 90th day from her last Mikveh night, during pregnancy. However, there is no obligation to specifically calculate the 90th day and only if one happens to know it is it proper to abstain.]

L. 41st day and 81st day after birth:[82] [Achronim]

According to the Talmud, one is to abstain from intimacy on the 41st day after the birth of a boy, and the 81st day after the birth of a girl.[83] The Poskim[84] debate as to whether this applies today, practically, majority of Poskim rule that it is not necessary, and indeed it is no longer customary, to abstain from intimacy on the 41st day after the birth of a boy and the 81st day after the birth of a girl, assuming that she is Tahor during that time.[85] 

M. Baby on bed:[86] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One may not have intercourse on a bed that a baby is sleeping on, even if the child is less than a year old and is sleeping on the end of the bed.

The dangers of doing so:[87] One who does so can cause his child to have the Nichfeh [neurological] illness. [This danger applies to both the living child and a child who could be born from this union.]

N. One who is sick:[88] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

The above obligatory times of Onah only apply to a person who is healthy and is physically able to fulfill his Onah obligations. However, one who is not in a good state of health is only obligated in intercourse at frequencies that he is capable of.[89] Nonetheless, even one who is sick or weak (and cannot have intimacy with his wife) may only delay her intimacy for up to six months.[90] [Furthermore, he remains obligated in showing her other acts of intimacy and affection, even if he cannot have actual intercourse.[91]] Past six months, he must either receive her permission to continue the delay, or he must divorce her and pay her Kesuba.[92] [However, if the illness is curable, then she must bear with him until he is cured.[93] Furthermore, it is proper for her to not demand a divorce from her husband due to his weakness, even if six months have passed; rather, she should wait two to three years and see if the situation improves.[94]]

After bloodletting: See Chapter 5 Halacha 5.

Intercourse after recovering from illness:[95] One who has recovered from an illness is to abstain from intercourse until he fully regains his strength. Lack of waiting until a full recovery can lead to a relapse r”l. [In all cases of doubt, one is to seek advice from a doctor.]

O. May one have marital relations on Nittel Nacht?[96] [Achronim]

Some Poskim[97] rule one is to avoid marital relations on the night of Nittel.[98] This applies even on the night of Mikveh.[99] However, after midnight, one may be lenient on the night of Mikveh.[100] Others[101] however rule that those who are lenient have upon whom to rely on[102], while those that are stringent are blessed. Others, however, completely negate this custom and protest it.[103]

4. Mikveh:

A. Not to purposely delay Mikveh:[104] [Kabbalah/Achronim]

A woman who delays her immersion in order to pain her husband is doing a great sin and causes much evil to occur, unless he the husband does not mind. [This applies even if her Mikveh night coincides with Friday night, Rosh Hashanah, Shavuos, Hoshanah Raba, night of the Seder,[105] and the like. However, it is permitted to delay going to Mikveh for a justifiable reason, such as if the wife is ill, and the like.[106] In all cases that one desires to delay Mikveh, one is to contact a Rav for guidance in this matter.]

B. Not to delay relations on night of Mikveh:[107] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Every man is obligated to have relations with his wife on her night of Mikveh [and if he does not do so, it is a matter of danger[108] of having a Dybbuk attach to her soul[109]]. [This applies even if he already fulfilled his minimum amount of Onah, such as if he is a sailor and is only required to do so once every six months.[110] In addition to this intimacy one is obligated to fulfill his minimum frequency of Onah, as stated above in Halacha 2, and it does not come to subtract from it.[111]]

What to do if she went to Mikveh although they are unable to have relations: If, for whatever reason, the couple cannot have relations that night [i.e. too tired or sick, or baby screaming, etc.], then she is to sleep with a baby [on her bed, or at the very least in her room[112]], or sleep with a knife under her pillow [or mattress[113]].[114] Alternatively, women are accustomed to place a garment belonging to their husbands over them to avoid the danger.[115] Some suggest that the above only applies if the husband does not show her any intimacy, however, if he shows her intimacy of hugging and kissing, then the danger is no longer applicable even if they do not have actual intercourse.[116]

C. Should a woman immerse in a Mikveh if her husband is out of town, or knows that her husband will be unable to be intimate with her due to some other reason?[117] [Achronim]

In the event that the husband is out of town [or the wife knows that her husband will not be intimate with her that night], then she is not to immerse in a Mikveh until her husband returns home and is able to have intimacy with her. This is due to a worry of danger, as an evil Dybbuk can enter her in such a case if she immerses herself despite the foreseen lack of intimacy, as has occurred already in the past. If she immersed, then she is to sleep with a baby, or sleep with a knife under her pillow or mattress. [Alternatively, she may place a garment of her husband over her.[118] Likewise, in a time of need, such as her husband will arrive the next day from the Diaspora and she desires to be pure when he arrives, then she may immerse the night before and do as above.[119]]

D. Not to walk home alone after Mikveh:[120] [Achronim]

It is dangerous for a woman to walk home alone after immersing in a Mikveh. [If, however, she has a lit candle, or flashlight, in her hand, then there is no worry.[121]]

E. Not to meet an animal or ignoramus after Mikveh:[122] [Shulchan Aruch]

Women are to beware after leaving the Mikveh to first meet a friend[123], in order so they do not meet an impure animal [i.e. a dog, donkey, camel, pig, horse, a leper, and the like[124]] or a gentile. [Some are careful in this throughout the entire day of immersion.[125] However, some Poskim rule that meeting a horse is a good thing, as explained next. It is proper for one to not just meet a friend upon leaving the Mikveh, but to actually touch her upon leaving the water.[126]]

The omens:[127] A woman who met a dog after immersion and was then intimate with her husband will have children who are ugly. If she met a donkey the children would be dumb. If she met an ignoramus, the children would likewise be ignoramuses. If she met a horse, it is beneficial for the children, as it is a sign that they will be good orators, and learn and understand Torah without forgetting, and be imposing individuals who need little sleep. [However, some Poskim rule that meeting a horse is a bad omen, as explained above.]

What to do if she met them:[128] In the event that she saw a dog, or donkey, or ignoramus after her immersion, then if she is a G-d fearing woman, then she should re-immerse. [Nonetheless, if she did not look at the dog, or donkey or ignoramus, when they were passing by, such as that she was preoccupied in her thoughts and paid them no attention, then there is no worry or need to re-immerse.[129]]

F. Not to meet a Niddah after Mikveh: [Achronim]

Some Poskim[130] rule that women are to beware after leaving the Mikveh to not meet a Nida. Other Poskim[131], however, rule that it is not a problem.

G. Not to look at a male and female during intimacy:[132] [Achronim]

It is forbidden to look at a male and female during intimacy or mating [even of an animal], and one who does so forgets his learning.

 

H. Not to meet a woman after Mikveh:[133] [Talmud/Achronim]

A man is to beware not to meet a woman after her leaving Mikveh for Tevilas Mitzvah. If he does, then if he has relations first, he will have a spirit of promiscuity, and if she has relations first, she will have a spirit of promiscuity. If this happened, then one should say the verse  in Tehillim 107 “Shofech Buz Al Nedivim.”

5. The Seder:

A. Using the bathroom:[134] [Rambam/Achronim]

Prior to intercourse, the husband and wife should check to make sure that they do not need the bathroom, and are to relieve themselves if they do. [This is both due to health reasons and spiritual reasons.[135] One who is not careful in the above, and has intercourse while withholding his urine or bowels, can have children who wet their bed.[136]]

 

B. Washing hands beforehand:[137] [Kabbalah/Achronim]

[The husband and wife[138]] are to wash their hands properly prior to intimacy [even if they did not sleep beforehand[139]]. [This is similar to the washing of the hands prior to Shemoneh Esrei as a form of purity and sanctification.[140] One must be very careful in this matter.[141] This washing distances the spirit of Lilis from the marital bedroom, and distances bickering and fighting amongst the couple, thus bringing peace and Shalom Bayis into the home.]

 

C. Bnei Temura and Irbuvya-Thinking of another man or woman:[142] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One may not think of another woman during marital relations. This applies even if they are both his wives[143] [and certainly if he thinks of a woman who is not his wife]. [The children born from such a union are close to being considered Mamzeirim.[144]] It causes one to have rebellious children [or to have rebellious husbands] who go off the path of Torah and Mitzvos, as stated in A.[145] [On the other hand, focusing on one’s wife during intimacy causes the children to be born Tzadikim.[146] Likewise, the wife may not think of another man during intercourse, and if she does so, her children become mute r”l.[147] It is most severe if both the husband and wife are thinking of other people.[148]]

The spiritual dangers to the child by having intercourse while thinking of another woman:[149] One who thinks of another woman, or gentile woman, while having intimacy with his wife, causes that she too thinks of him when she is with her gentile husband. This has the spiritual power to cause the souls to be switched and have a heretic be born from the union of the Jewish couple and have a future convert born from the union of the gentile couple. This is the mystical meaning behind Bnei Temura, as the souls of the children become switched. There is nothing that causes greater damage above in heaven than the forbidden thoughts which one has during intimacy. [Thus, spiritually, such a child is considered like a Mamzer, as stated above.]

 

D. Husband on top versus on bottom, or side to side:[150] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is considered brazen [of the wife[151] and a form of Pritzus,[152] and is even dangerous[153]] to have relations with the husband on bottom and the wife on top.[154] It is considered stubborn to have relations with the man and woman side by side.[155]

The dangers of intercourse with the wife on top: Having intercourse with the wife on top can cause the child to be born crippled with a limp [and live a life of pain and mental instability[156]].[157] It can also cause the child to be born with a very brazen personality, and be a Parutz [promiscuous and immodest person].[158] Some learn that according to Kabbalah, having the wife on top can cause the child to be successful regarding material matters but lazy and unsuccessful in spiritual matters.[159]

The dangers of intercourse side by side:[160] Having intercourse in a side by side position is considered an act of stubbornness for the woman, and causes the children to be stubborn and rebellious when they grow up.

E. Standing versus sitting:[161] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One is not to have relations in a standing or sitting position [and it is rather to be done lying down[162]]. [However, in a time of need one may be lenient to do so, if there is no other practical position of intercourse.[163] See Q&A regarding doing it while standing and leaning over the bed.]

The dangers of doing it while standing:[164] Having intercourse while standing is dangerous, as it causes the muscles to spasm and contract.

The dangers of doing it while sitting:[165] Having intercourse while sitting is dangerous, as it causes him to have pain and mental instability.

F. Restrictions on subjects of discussion during intimacy:[166] [Talmud/Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One may not speak to his wife of matters that do not relate to the intercourse and intimacy, neither during the intercourse nor beforehand, in order so he does not think of another woman [and she does not think of another man].

The severity of talking about other matters during this time and its consequence:[167] If one spoke with his wife [of matters unrelated to their intimacy] and then had intercourse, regarding him the verse states, “Maggid L ‘Adam Mah Sicho/Hashem will reveal what he spoke,” as even a light conversation between a man and his wife will be told to him on the day of judgment. [Furthermore, the Talmud[168] records that Rebbe Yochanon ben Dehavaiy stated that he heard from the Malachei Hashareis that children who are deaf are born because the couple talked during intercourse.]

G. Looking at Oso Makom:[169] [Talmud/Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is forbidden for the husband to stare at the vaginal area of his wife.[170] One who does so can cause his future children who are conceived from that intimacy to be born blind r”l.[171]

H. Kissing Oso Makom:[172] [Talmud/Rambam/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

It is forbidden for the husband to kiss the vaginal area.[173] One who does so can cause his future children who are conceived from that intimacy to be born mute r”l.[174]

 

I. Standing up after intercourse:[175] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch Harav/Achronim]

A man should not stand on his feet immediately after intercourse, as doing so can be dangerous. Rather, one is to wait [and sit or lie down] for a short period of time prior to standing up. 

 

J. Netilas Yadayim after Marital relations:[176] [Shulchan Aruch Harav/Achronim]

One who has marital relations is required to wash his hands [immediately] afterwards.[177] [This applies to both the husband and the wife.[178]]

K. Nursing after intercourse:[179] [Kaballah/Achronim]

One who has a nursing child is not to nurse the child after marital relations for approximately two Milin, which is close to an hour [i.e. 36-48 minutes[180]]. [Lack of waiting this amount is dangerous for the child.[181]] At the very least [such as in a time of need[182]] one is to wait the length of one mil [i.e. 18-24 minutes, or according to some Poskim[183] even half a Mil, which is 9 or 12 minutes]. If the child is really crying, then some Poskim[184] rule that one is not to adhere to this matter at all, and may nurse the child right away without fear. Other Poskim,[185] however, are stringent even in such a case that one should always wait one Mil. Practically, one should try to calm the child in other ways, and if one is unable to do so, then one may be lenient to nurse him even prior to the passing of the above amount of time.[186]

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[1] Michaber 240:14; Tur 240:14 and E.H. 25:2; Rambam Deios 4:19; Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 3; Kitzur SHU”A 150:17 and 32:27 “More unhealthy than all the above is overindulgence in intercourse”; Taharas Yisrael 240:80; Biur Halacha 240:14 in the name of Sefer Mazur Uterufa; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 4:2 and 7:2; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:18; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:1

[2] Siddur Yaavetz ibid                                                                                                                            

[3] Tur 240:1; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:1; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef Chulya Gimel 7:17

[4] Michaber 240:15; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[5] Michaber 240:11; Niddah 17a, “One who has intercourse opposite a candle is admonished”; Seder Hayom Hanhagas Halayla; Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 419; Kitzur SHU”A 150:3; Taharas Yisrael 240:69-75; Kaf Hachaim 240:69-78; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:25; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 338-358; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:14-20

[6] See M”B 240:39; Ben Ish Chaiy Vayeira 2:26

[7] Michaber O.C. 240:11; E.H. 25:5; Niddah 17b

The reason: It is forbidden, as perhaps he will see something distasteful about his wife and thus come to transgress, “Ve’ahavta Lirei’acha Kamocha.” [Rav Chisda and Abayey in Niddah ibid regarding daytime; Seder Hayom ibid] Likewise, it is forbidden due to it being brazen and immodest to be visible during intimacy, even if one is in front of one’s own wife. [Seder Hayom ibid; See Maharsha on Niddah ibid] Likewise, it is to be done without light, in order to diminish one’s lust. [Seder Hayom ibid] The practical ramifications between these reasons is regarding a blind person.

[8] See Kaf Hachaim 240:69; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:25; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 31:3

[9] Pesachim 112a; M”A 240:24; Biur Halacha 240:11 “Leur Haner”

[10] Kol Bo118

[11] Sha’ar Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 31:6

[12] M”A 240:24; Arizal in Sha’ar Hakavanos; Sha’ar Hamitzvos Parshas Bereishis; Sh’lah Hakadosh Sha’ar Ha’osyos Erech Kedusha 419

[13] Sha’ar Hamitzvos ibid; Sha’ar Hagilgulim Hakdama 22 p. 21b; Likkutei Torah Re’eh 3 that the Arizal once slaughtered such a goat and had its meat for Shabbos to elevate the soul

[14] Or Tzadikim 27:5; Siddur Rav Shabsi Miroshkov 2 Shechiva p. 42a

[15] Ben Ish Chaiy Vayeira 2:26

[16] See regarding the adjacent Talmudic warning against being naked in front of a candle and whether it applies to electric light: Yabia Omer Y.D. 3:7; Doveiv Meisharim 1:124; Mili Dechassidusa on Tzavah Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 14 and Piskeiy Teshuvos 275 footnote 38 that there is no danger when the candle is covered by glass; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 31 footnote 7

See regarding the adjacent Talmudic warning against being naked in front of a candle that it does not apply if the candle is covered: Mili Dechassidusa on Tzavah Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 14; Mishnas Yosef 9:3; Piskeiy Teshuvos 275 footnote 38; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

See regarding the adjacent Talmudic warning against being naked in front of a candle that it does not apply if one is a distance from the candle: Roshe Bashmayim 6 [four Amos distance]; Makor Chaim 5; Zecher Yosef 28; See Yabia Omer Y.D. 3:7; Tav Yehoshua Shemiras Berias Haguf 17

[17] Sheyikadesh Atzmo 31:6

[18] Michaber O.C. 240:11; E.H. 25:5; Tur 240:11 and E.H. 25:5; Rambam Issurei Biya 21:10; Rav Yochanon Niddah 16; Rav Chisda in Niddah 17a “It is forbidden to have relations during the day”; Rav Huna in Shabbos 86a and Niddah 17a “The Jewish people are holy and do not have relations during the day”; Kesubos 65b; See Megillah 13a “From here we learn Achashverosh’s’ praise, that he did not have relations during the day.” Zohar 1:49 “It is forbidden for a man to have relations during the day”; 140b “The Jewish people are holy and do not have relations during daytime”; 3:225b “It is the practice of the sages to only have relations during the night, in a way of modesty.”; Menoras Hama’or Ner 3 K’lal 6 Chelek 5 Chapter 3; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya 3:6; Kitzur SHU”A 150:3; Taharas Yisrael 240:74; See Kaf Hachaim 240:2 that a non Torah scholar may not have relations during daytime; See Taharas Yisrael 240:74-75; Kaf Hachaim 240:77-80; Igros Moshe E.H. 1:102; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p.  181-194; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:21

[19] The reason: It is forbidden due to it being brazen, immodest and contrary to the guidelines of holiness. [Michaber E.H. ibid “It is Derech Azus”; Rambam ibid; Pirush Hamishnayos Rambam Niddah 10; M”B 240:44; Sha’ar Hatziyon 240:27; Rav Huna in Shabbos and Niddah ibid “The Jewish people are holy”; Zohar 1:140; Raya Mihemna 3:225] Alternatively, it is forbidden as perhaps he will see something distasteful about his wife and thus come to transgress “Ve’ahavta Lirei’acha Kamocha.” [Rav Chisda and Abayey in Niddah ibid; Kaf Hachaim 240:79]

[20] Rokei’ach 317 “Baheres” [Baheres is one of the skin ailments described as Tzara’as]; Kaf Hachaim 240:77

[21] Peri Eitz Chaim 16:11 “One who has relations during the day draws down from only reincarnated souls.”; See Torah Lishma 69 in name of Kabbalah Kuntrus that it is forbidden to have relations during Shabbos day, however, he questions its authenticity and concludes that for one who follows Kabbalah, it is better to avoid it. See also Torah Lishma 70; Midrash Raba Bereishis 64:5; Kaf Hachaim 240:79; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:26

[22] Michaber 240:10; Tur 240:10; Kaf Hachaim 240:68; Taharas Yisrael 240:68; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:11; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 51:4; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:13

[23] Pirush HaRosh on Nedarim 20b; Tur 240 “Bnei Meriva who always fight”; Shita Mekubetzes Nedarim 20b; Levush 240:2; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos 6:7; Tikkunei Zohar Tikkun 56; Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Hakedusha 16; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid footnote 5

[24] Michaber E.H. 25:1; Beis Yosef 240 in name of Raavad; P”M 240 A”A 23; Kaf Hachaim 240:67; Taharas Yisrael 240:68

[25] Michaber 240:15; Tur 240:15 and E.H. 25:2; Rambam Dei’os 4:19; 5:4; Igeres Hakodesh of the Ramban Chapter 3; See Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 4:1-2 part 2 and 7:2; Taharas Yisrael 240:82; Kaf Hachaim 240:88; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:27; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 377; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[26] Kitzur SHU”A 150:15; See coming footnotes

[27] The reason: One is not to have intercourse when hungry, as this can cause the child to be weak and dull headed. Likewise, one is not to have intercourse when one is satiated after eating, doing so can cause the child to be Megusham, as the seed will derive from the waste products of the food and will cause the child to have difficulty in comprehension and a stone heart. [Kesef Mishneh Dei’os 5:4; Igeres Hakodesh of Ramban 1-3; Chesed Leavraham Mayan 4:11; Elya Raba 240:22; Pela Yoetz Zivug; Siddur Yaavetz ibid and 4:3 that if the seed is too warm from the food then the child will have an angry temperament, and if from cold seed due to hunger, he will be stupid; Kaf Hachaim 240:88; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 33 footnote 1] It can also cause the child to have very bad character traits such as anger. [Ramban ibid] Likewise, it is unhealthy for the person to have intercourse when hungry or satiated after a meal, independent of the possible effects on the child. [Kesef Mishneh ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]

[28] Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos 7 1:2; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 33:2

[29] Pela Yoetz Zivug; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 33:1 footnote 1; However, from the Kesef Mishneh, and Poskim ibid, it can be implied that this adherence applies mainly to the husband and not the wife.

[30] See Kesef Mishneh ibid in previous footnote; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 33:1 and 3

[31] Igeres Hakodesh of Ramban Chapters 3 and 4; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 5:1

[32] Ramban ibid; Siddur Yaavetz ibid

[33] M”A 240:29; Seder Hayom p. 2 in name of Zohar; Gittin 70a, “One who leaves a bathroom is not to have relations.; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:3; See Kaf Hachaim 240:27; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:28; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 379-382; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:5; Vetzaruch Iyun if this adherence is viewed as an actual obligation, or a voluntary, or encouraged adherence due to Sakana.

[34] The reason: This is due to the bathroom demon that escorts the person when he leaves the bathroom and blemishes the intimacy, causing the child to be physically defected. [Gittin ibid; Seder Hayom ibid in name of Zohar; Beir Heiytiv ibid; Yad Ephraim 240; Sefer Zechira Zivug that the demon can cause the wife to become baron]

[35] Setimas Kol Haposkim ibid who do not mention the damage of the child as a reason for the restriction, and make no mention that it only applies to intimacy which can lead to pregnancy; See previous footnote that although the main reason is due to damage to the children, nonetheless, in truth, even if pregnancy is not an issue, it should still be avoided due to the “blemish of the intimacy” that the demon can cause, irrelevant of pregnancy.

[36] Beir Moshe 5:1; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[37] Darkei Chayim Veshalom 346; Beir Moshe 5:1; Shraga Hameir 4:84; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 34:2; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid that perhaps one may be lenient with today’s bathrooms that also contain a shower and the like.

So rule regarding the requirement to wash hands after using a bathroom, that it applies even if one did not actually use it: See Peri Megadim 227 A.A. 2; M”B 4:40 in name of Artzos Hachaim and other Teshuvos; Ketzos Hashulchan 2 footnote 29; Chida in Bris Olam 8:23; Kesem Paz on Zohar; Kaf Hachaim [Falagi] 8:18; Amudei Hashulchan 2:14; Ben Ish Chaiy Toldos 16; Soles Belula 7:1; brought in Kaf Hachaim 4:65

The reason: Upon entering a bathroom, the spirit of impurity resides, irrelevant of whether he used it to relieve himself. [Chida in Bris Olam 8:23; Kesem Paz on Zohar; Soles Belula ibid; Kaf Hachaim ibid]

[38] M”A ibid “Beis Hakisei Kavua”; Seder Hayom ibid; Elya Raba 240:1; Kneses Hagedola 240; M”B 240:54; Kaf Hachaim ibid; Beir Moshe ibid; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

Other opinions: Some are stringent even in such a case. [Darkei Chaim Veshalom ibid]

[39] Seder Hayom ibid in name of Zohar in unknown source]; Beir Heiytiv 240:24; Elya Raba 240:1; Olas Tamid 240:7; Or Tzadikim 27:10; Aruch Hashulchan 240:18; Kitzur SHU”A 150:16; Opinion in M”B 240:54 and Taharas Yisrael 240:20; See Yad Ephraim 240 that it does not refer to a literal hour of 60 minutes but rather to that session, and thus even after two Mil [36-48 minutes] it is permitted; See Kitzur Sh’lah Inyanei Zivug which writes that the Shiur is 30 minutes; See Gittin ibid and Poskim in next footnote who seemingly argue and rule that the Shiur is half a Mil, which is 9-12 minutes.

[40] Gittin ibid; Birkeiy Yosef 240:12; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 5; Shulchan Hatahor 240:11; M”B 240:54 in name of Yad Efraim ibid; Misgeres Hashulchan 150:12; Kaf Hachaim 240:27; Divrei Yatziv 1:104; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; See Menoras Hama’or Ner 6 K’lal 1 1:1 that one is to wait a full Shiur Mil

[41] How much is a Mil? Some Poskim rule that a Mil is 18 minutes [1^st opinion in Admur 459:10; Michaber ibid and in Yoreh Deah 69:6; Rama 261:1; Maryu 193; Terumos Hadeshen 123], and hence the total time to wait after using the bathroom is 9 minutes. [Misgeres Hashulchan 150:16] Other Poskim rule that a Mil is 24 minutes [2^nd opinion in Admur 459:10; Rambam in Pirush Hamishnayos Pesachim 3:2], and hence the total time to wait after using the bathroom is 12 minutes. [Shulchan Hatahor 240:11; Taharas Yisrael 240:20; Misgeres Hashulchan 150:16 concludes to wait 9 and at best 112 minutes] Practically, Admur mainly rules like the opinion of 24 minutes. [Admur ibid; See Ketzos Hashulchan 3 Seder Hachnosas Shabbos 5]

[42] Sheyikadesh Atzmo 34:2

[43] So rule regarding the requirement to wash hands in such a case: Kaf Hachaim 3:3 and 4:66; Mishneh Yosef 5:6; Torah Lishma 23; Lev Chaim 4:2; Ruach Chaim 3:3; Yabia Omer 9:108

[44] So rule regarding the requirement to wash hands in such a case: Lehoros Nasan 7:1; Tzitz Eliezer 7:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 4:20 footnote 200; See Daas Torah 4

[45] Michaber 240:15; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7:2; See Ateres Zikeinim that perhaps this applies likewise to the day before and the day after; See Taharas Yisrael; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[46] Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair 240; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 25:3; See Upikadeta Navecha p. 51

[47] Siddur Yaavetz, laws of Erev Shabbos, rules that one is to bathe his hands, feet, and face in hot water; Kitzur SH”A 72 rules that one is not to bathe his entire body in hot water

[48] M”A 240:29; Elya Raba 240:23; M”B 240:54

[49] Elya Raba 240:23; Bach E.H. 25; Perisha E.H. 25; Kneses Hagedola 240

[50] Taharas Yisrael

[51] Setimas Kol Haposkim in 260: See Admur 260:1; Rama 260:1; Gemara Shabbos 25b

Ruling of Yaavetz – Not to enter entire body into hot water: The Yaavetz in his Siddur rules that one is to bathe his hands, feet, and face in hot water. One is not, however, to enter into a bathhouse as doing so can cause difficulty in marital relations, which is supposed to be performed on Friday night, as is written in the laws of Derech Eretz. Practically, Admur does not mention this ruling of the Yaavetz, despite him mentioning other matters [i.e. eating garlic] which are to be done to enhance Tashmish, and we thus see that he does not suspect for this at all. Therefore, it remains a Mitzvah upon all to bathe their entire body in hot water on Erev Shabbos as rules Admur. Furthermore, even according to the Yaavetz, if one’s wife is not pure, one is to bathe his entire body in hot water. Furthermore, even when she is pure, it is likely that the Yaavetz was referring to the bathhouses of the past which consisted of an entire lengthy bathing ritual of sauna, steam room and hot tub. Thus, mere showering in hot water was not being referred to, and hence remains a Mitzvah upon all to perform. To note, however, from Kitzur SH”A 72 which states that the Yaavetz rules that one is not to bathe his entire body in hot water, without mentioning the idea of a bathhouse, as is the original words of the Yaavetz.

[52] Makor Chaim of Chavos Yair 240; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 25:3; See Upikadeta Navecha p. 51

[53] Michaber 240:15; Tur O.C. 240:15 and E.H. 25:2; Admur Hilchos Shemiras Haguf Vinefesh 5; Gittin 70a; Niddah 17a; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 2:2; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[54] Admur ibid; Gittin ibid

[55] Darkei Taharah p. 212; Upikadeta Navecha 4:38; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[56] Tzeida Laderech; Elya Raba 240:22; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos 7 Chulya 2; M”B 240:53; Kaf Hachaim 240:89; Darkei Taharah p. 212; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 2:1

[57] Michaber 240:15; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 5 footnote 4; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[58] See Ateres Zikeinim for how to interpret the day before and after

[59] Gloss on Michaber 240:15 [seemingly not from Rama]; Taz 240:1; Rashal on E.H. 25; Ateres Zikeinim; Elya Raba 240:23; Kaf Hachaim 240:17 concludes to have intimacy the night before travel if not traveling by foot

[60] 1^st approach in M”A 240:29; Rama in Teshuvah 132-2; Levush 240, brought in Taz 240:1; Bach E.H. 25:3; Ateres Zikeinim; Levush 240:15

Other opinions: Some Poskim negate the above understanding and rule that abstaining from intercourse applies even the night before. [Taz 240:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:17 concludes that the night before one is to appease his wife with words]

[61] Conclusion of M”A 240:29 based on Matanos Kehuna on Bereishis Raba Parsha 64; M”B 240:54; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[62] Teshuvah Meahavah 1:34

[63] Darkei Taharah p. 212; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 2:3

[64] Tur 240; Rambam Dei’os 4:19

[65] M”A 240:29

[66] See Mikdash Melech on Zohar Vayikra 43a

[67] Peri Eitz Chaim Sha’ar 16:11; Reishis Chochmah 16:16 in name of Ramak in Or Hachama 96, “One must guard that he does not become aroused and excited by foreign lusts, from Na’ama, as the Zohar states that occasionally Na’ama comes to the world to excite people, and the person is found in a state of lust with her, and he lusts for what he saw in his dream. Now, if he has a child from this union, this child will belong to Na’ama, and when Lilis comes and sees him, she connects with this child, and is with him every Rosh Chodesh and tries to hurt him.”; Or Tzadikim 27:9; Chesed Leavraham Mayan 7 Nahar 25; Elya Raba 240:1; Beir Heiytiv 240:24 in name of Arizal; M”B 240:54; Kav Hayashar 17; Daas Kedusha 7:40; Kaf Hachaim 240:26; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 280-282

[68] M”B ibid Reishis Chochmah ibid

[69] See Chesed Leavraham ibid that it will either cause the children to be born with a soul from Lilis (and he will die during nursing age), or from demons, or will become a rebel of which a stillborn is even better than this.

[70] Acharei Mos 77a

[71] Chesed Leavraham, ibid; Reishis Chochmah 16:19

[72] Reishis Chochmah 16:19, “Stab your nails into the ground or think about the day of death”; Pischeiy Olam 240:41; Kaf Hachaim 240:26; Seemingly, this causes the blood to flow to one’s fingers and drains it from one’s Eiver.

[73] See Darkei Taharah p. 212; Kedushas Habanim 1:16; Kedushas Moshe 2 footnote 100; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[74] See Kaf Hachaim 240:56

[75] M”A 564:1 in name of Sh’lah; Or Hayashar p. 20a

[76] See Kaf Hachaim ibid

[77] M”A 240:5; See Nitei Gavriel 103:2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 13:5; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:8

[78] M”A 240:5; Niddah 31a; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:1; Zohar Shemos 3; Peri Eitz Chaim 16:11; Oar Tzadikim 27:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:22

The reason: One who has relations on this night is considered a murderer, as doing so can kill the child. [M”A ibid in name of Zohar ibid]

[79] M”A 240:5; Abayey in Niddah ibid

The reason: As it is not possible to know definitively which day is the 90^th day of pregnancy. [Niddah ibid] As not always does she become pregnant right after Mikveh. [Aruch Laneir Niddah ibid; Noda Beyehuda; Mishneh Halachos 11:193]

[80] Peri Eitz Chaim ibid, brought in M”A ibid; Kaf Hachaim 240:22

[81] Shevet Halevi 3:113; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8; Nitei Gavriel Niddah 2:103 footnote 3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo ibid

[82] Taz Y.D. 194:2-3; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:8

[83] Recorded in Tur 194

[84] See Taz ibid that according to Bahag it applies even today, as she then finishes her days of Dam Tohar, and it is considered a Veses. However, majority of Poskim rule that its reason is to separate between the intercourse of Dam Tohar and Niddah blood, and hence, since today we no longer permit Dam Tohar, the stringency is irrelevant.

[85] Taz 194:2 “For the above reason, the Shulchan Aruch did not record this ruling and no one suspects for it”; Taz 194:3 “There is no need to separate from intimacy on the 41^st or 81^st night at all, and those who say it’s required, they are a lone opinion, of whom we do not rule like at all.”; Teshuvas Rama 94, brought in Taz 194:3; Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 194:16 that so is the custom

Other opinions: Some Poskim conclude that a Baal Nefesh is to be stringent and abstain on the 41^st day for a boy and 81^st day for a girl. [Shach 194:4

[86] Michaber 240:16; Tur 240:16; Pesachim 112b; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:3; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya 3:7; Kitzur SHU”A 150:16; Taharas Yisrael 240:87; Kaf Hachaim 240:92; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 311-316; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:22

[87] Michaber ibid; Pesachim ibid

[88] See Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 116

[89] Michaber E.H. 76:3; Elya Raba 240:2; M”B 240:3; Kaf Hachaim 240:11; See Beis Shmuel 76:5; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:11

[90] The reason: As the longest interval of Onah that we find is every six months. [Michaber ibid]

[91] See Maharam Melublin 53

[92] Michaber E.H. 76:11

[93] Beis Shmuel 76:17 and Chelkas Mechokeik 76:18 in name of Hagahos Alfasi / Shiltei Giborim in name of Rebbe Yeshayah Hachron and Hagahos Ashri

[94] Mahralbach 29

[95] Tzeida Laderech; Elya Raba 240:22; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos 7 Chulya 2; M”B 240:53; Kaf Hachaim 240:89; Darkei Taharah p. 212; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 2:1; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:3

[96] See Nitei Gavriel Chanukah p. 410; Beir Moshe 4:69; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:10; Shulchan Menachem 6:242; Taharah Kehalacha 21; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 126:4

[97] Chupas Chasanim in name of Tzavah Reb Yehuda Hachassid; Taharas Yisrael 197:2-3; Karban Nisanel; Yimtza Chaim 73:9; See Nitei Gavriel Chanukah p. 410; Beir Moshe 4:69

[98] The reason: As many Poshei Yisrael were born from mothers who conceived on this night. [See Nitei Gavriel ibid] Alternatively, this is because marital relations require purity of mind, and the thinking of Nittel, even negatively, can affect the born child, and due to this worry they forbade marital relations on this night. [Rebbe in Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 4:132; Shulchan Menachem 6:242; Igros Kodesh 4:424]

[99] Taharas Yisrael 197:2-3; Minchas Elazar 5, brought in Zecher Tzadik Levracha; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 825; See Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 4:132; Beir Moshe ibid that so was custom of students of Baal Shem Tov

[100] Darkei Chaim Veshalom ibid; Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 197:2; Taharah Kehalacha 21:9; See Shulchan Menachem ibid.

On a regular night: The Munkatcher rules one is to avoid marital relations even after midnight. [See letter of Rebbe ibid] So is also implied from Taharas Yisrael ibid, and other Poskim. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]

[101] Beir Moshe 4:69

[102] As there is no source in Poskim to prohibit it. [ibid]

[103] Chasam Sofer in Likkutim 20, Koveitz Hateshuvos 31 protested the custom of closing the Mikvas on this night

[104] Zohar Mishpatim 11a, brought in Beis Yosef Y.D. 197, M”B 240:54, and Kaf Hachaim 240:16; Y.D. 116:176; See Sefer Chassidim 506; Elya Raba 240:25; Sh’lah Sha’ar Haosiyos Kedushas Hazivug p. 378; Rashal; Taharas Yisrael 240:90; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 122

[105] See M”A 240:3; Admur 494:3 regarding Shavuos; Chesed Lealafim 240:3; Siddur Yaavetz; Chayeh Adam 130:22; 139:7; Torah Lishma 142; M”B 240:7; Kaf Hachaim 240:5

[106] See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] 7:8

[107] Michaber O.C. 240:1; E.H. 76:4; Tur 240:1 and E.H. 25:2; Admur 613:20 regarding Peru Urevu; Rav Hamnuna Brachos 24a; Beir Heiytiv 240:4; M”B 240:8; Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid (36)  41 “One is not to push off being with his wife on her night of Mikveh”; Kitzur SHU”A 150:8; Kaf Hachaim 240:13; Y.D. 116:177; Reishis Chochmah Sha’ar Gimel Chupas Eliyahu in name of Chazal, that so instructed Rebbe Yehoshua to his son; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:5; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 126

Regarding the general obligation of the wife to immerse in a Mikveh on time: See Michaber Y.D. 197:2; Admur 613:20 that it is forbidden to delay Mikveh due to Bittul Peru Urevu; Y.D. 187:8 that it is forbidden for a woman to delay her Tuma even if her husband is not in the city; All Poskim brought in Halacha 2 regarding a woman not delaying Mikveh; Toras Chaim 240:3, brought in Taharas Habayis 1:105

[108] Implication of Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid ibid; Zera Emes Y.D. 151 in name of Zohar; Yifei Laleiv 240:3; Kinas Sofrim in Hashmatos of Shiyurei Taharah 64; Minchas Yitzchak 6:249; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[109] Shvus Yaakov Y.D. 3:78; Kaf Hachaim 240:14

[110] Implication of Michaber ibid; Beir Heiytiv 240:4; Ma’amar Mordechai 240:1; M”B 240:8; M”A 240:1 regarding if the wife is asking for his attention; Kaf Hachaim 240:20

[111] Possible understanding of Michaber and all Poskim ibid; Suggestion in Ashel Avraham Butchach Tinyana 240:2; Taharas Yisrael 2 240:1-12; Meiy Hada’as Inyanim Shonim 12 p. 55; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 1:1 footnote 1

[112] Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 197:1

[113] Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[114] Shvus Yaakov Y.D. 3   :78; Ruach Chaim 240:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:14.

[115] Ruach Chaim 240:1; Kaf Hachaim 240:13-14; Y.D. 116:177

[116] Mur Ohalos 28; Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid

[117] Shvus Yaakov Y.D. 3:77-78; Kaf Hachaim 240:14; Y.D. 116:178; Betzel Hachochmah 3:71; Shevet Halevi Y.D. 197:1 that so is the custom amongst majority of Jewry; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:5; See regarding that is it not a Mitzvah to go to Mikveh if her husband is not in town: Admur 326:7; 613:20; Michaber 197:2; Rama 197:3; Rabbeinu Tam in Tosafos Niddah 36a and Yuma 8a]; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 126:2

Other rulings of Admur and other Poskim: See Admur Y.D. 187:8 that it is forbidden for a woman to delay her Tuma even if her husband is not in the city, and so rules Shevet Hamussar 24; Darkei Teshuvah 184:64. [See Likkutei Sichos 14:27 footnote 58 that leaves this in Tzaruch Iyun; See Taharah Kahalacha 21:1; See there Biurim 1 for explanation of Admur ibid however practically, the custom is not to immerse when the husband is not in the city, even during the week. [See Piskeiy Teshuvos 240 footnote 45; Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 197:1; Taharah Kehalacha ibid; Mishneh Halachos 9:179; Minchas Yitzchak 6:149]

If will only be away for one day: Some Poskim suggest that if the husband will only be away for one day, then there is no danger in her immersing the night before his arrival. [Taharas Yisrael 198:48; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 126:3]

[118] Kaf Hachaim 240:14; Y.D. 116:178

[119] Shiureiy Shevet Halevi 197:1

[120] Zivcheiy Tzedek Y.D. 116:125; Nishmas Chaim Mamar Shelishi 10; Shemiras Hanefesh 132; Sefer Zechira; Kaf Hachaim 240:15; Y.D. 116:179; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 125

[121] Shemira Meialya 73; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:179

[122] Rama Y.D. 198:48; Shaareiy Dura Niddah 23; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 124

[123] See next Halacha regarding if the woman may be a Niddah

[124] Implication of Rama ibid; Shach Y.D. 198:61; Shaareiy Dura ibid

[125] Shiyurei Kneses Hagedola 197; Darkei Teshuvah 197:151; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 124:3 footnote 6

[126] Maadanei Melech p. 316; Darkei Teshuvah 198:150; Taharas Yisrael 146; See Sidrei Taharah 198:91; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 124

[127] Rokeiach 317; Kol Bo 145; Shach ibid; Kaf Hachaim 240:15; Y.D. 116:180

[128] Rama Y.D. 198:48; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:180

[129] Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:180; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 124:2

[130] Hisorerus Teshuvah 3:17

[131] Peri Hasadeh 4:145; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 124 footnote 4

[132] Chupas Eliyahu Raba 5; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 237:6; See Michaber E.H. 23:3

[133] Pesachim 111a; Shach Y.D. 198:1; Rokeiach; Aruch Hashulchan 116:91; Taharas Yisrael 150; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 125:2 footnote 3; See Brachos 20a regarding Rebbe Yochanon who would do so; Tosafus Pesachim ibid for his three answers to the contradiction in Talmud

[134] Rambam Dei’os 4:19; Tur 240:15 and E.H. 25:2; Levush 240; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 4; Pela Yoetz Zivug; Aruch Hashulchan 240 and E.H. 25; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:22; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 34:1; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:4

[135] Chupas Chasanim p. 161

[136] Kaf Hachaim [Falagi] 4:4; Pela Yoetz Zivug; Daas Hakedusha 7:39; Avraham Anochi 1 Terumah 10

[137] Siddur Admur; Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi; Or Tzadikim 27:13; Sh’lah Sha’ar Haosiyos Kuf p. 103b; Olas Tamid 240:8; Elya Raba 240:16; Beir Heiytiv 240:24; Morah Ba’etzba 50 [regarding after sleep]; Pela Yoetz Zivug [regarding after sleep]; M”B 240:54; Yesod Veshoresh Ha’avoda 8:6; Kaf Hachaim 240:57; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p. 398; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:24

[138] Implication of Sh’lah ibid; Yesod Veshoresh Ha’avoda ibid; See Ben Ish Chaiy Toldos 16

[139] Implication of all Sefarim ibid, unlike Morah Ba’etzba and Pela Yoetz ibid

[140] Yesod Veshoresh Ha’avoda ibid; See Sh’lah Hakadosh ibid; Piskeiy Mishneh Halachos Taharah 25:3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo39 footnote 4

[141] Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi

[142] Michaber O.C. 240:2 and 3 regarding Bnei Temura and Bnei Irbuvya; E.H. 25:10; See M”A 240:6, 9, and 13 that Bnei Temura and Bnei Irbuvya are not exactly the same, as Bnei Temura refers to that he intended for one wife and it was really another wife, while Bnei Irbuvya is that he intended for the correct wife, but simply thought about the other wife or woman; So also explains M”B 240:13 in Michaber 240:2 and M”B 240:16 and 20 in Michaber 240:3; Taharas Yisrael 240:21; Kaf Hachaim 240:29, 33-34, and 38; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p.  515-522, 543; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:10; See Rashbam Pesachim 112a who defines thinking of another woman as Bnei Gerushas Haleiv

How was Yaakov allowed to have relations with Leah if he thought that she was Rachel? As when he saw Leah under the Chupah, he mistook Leah for Rachel [as they seemingly looked similar], and to begin with intended to be with that body. The above restriction is only if at the time of the relations one thinks of a different body of a woman and not if one is mistaken in the identity of the woman. [M”A 240:9; Sha’ar Hatziyon 240:7] Alternatively, in truth for this reason Bnei Reuven did not receive an inheritance in Eretz Yisrael. [M”A ibid in name of Asara Ma’amaros; See Rav Poalim 3:10 who questions this assertion and gives alternative explanations] Alternatively, in truth she did not become pregnant from him on that night, due to this reason. [Elya Raba 240:6 in name of Ra’avad in Baalei Nefesh] Alternatively, since the Torah was yet to be given, they were not required to be careful in this. [Elya Raba ibid in name of Ra’avad ibid] Alternatively, since Leah was thinking only about Yaakov, it is not considered Bnei Temura. [Birkeiy Yosef 240:4 in name of Koveitz Yashan] Alternatively, Yaakov was not thinking at all about anyone or any lust during the intercourse, and was rather spiritually focused on the union of the Sefiros, and hence it was not considered Bnei Temura. [Rav Poalim 3:10] Alternatively, the reason is because Yaakov already suspected that he may be tricked by Lavan and given Leah as a wife, and hence he intended to be with whomever he indeed married in order for the child born from that union not be a Bnei Temura. [Kaf Hachaim 240:33]

How was David’s birth not a Bnei Temura: Yishai, the father of David, had intended to be intimate with his freed maid, when in truth he was intimate with his wife. Nonetheless, this was not considered actual Bnei Temura [See Asara Mamaros Ma’amar Chikur Hadin 3:10], as he fully intended for the woman who he was intimate with and simply mistook her identity for someone else. [M”A ibid regarding Yaakov and Leah and the same could apply here; Pachad Yitzchak Mareches Machshava Tova] Alternatively, Yishai was not thinking at all about anyone or any lust during the intercourse, and was rather spiritually focused on the union of the Sefiros, and hence it was not considered Bnei Temura. [Rav Poalim 3:10]

[143] Michaber 240:2; E.H. 25:10; M”A 240:9; Kaf Hachaim 240:33

[144] See Nedarim 20b; Rashbam Pesachim 112a “His children are close to Mamzeirim”; Sefer Hayirah of Rabbeinu Yonah, “Don’t think of another woman as it almost makes one children Mamzeirim.”; Baal Haturim Kedoshim 19:18; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 55:2 footnote 6

[145] See Siddur Arizal of Rav Shabsi p. 42; Pokeiach Ivrim ibid that the thoughts of a woman about other men during the day can cause her to have evil thoughts at night and cause the children to be born with many character flaws.

[146] Rabbeinu Yonah Brachos 5b

[147] Midrash Tanchuma Naso 7; Rokei’ach 317; Yifei Laleiv 240:8; Sefer Chassidim 515; Kaf Hachaim 240:38; Pokeiach Ivrim [of Mittler Rebbe 9; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 55 footnote 1 and 2; See Birkeiy Yosef 240:4 in name of Koveitz Yashan who implies that in fact it is only considered Bnei Temura if also the wife is thinking of another man, Vetzaruch Iyun.

[148] See Birkeiy Yosef 240:4 in name of Koveitz Yashan

[149] Emek Hamelech Sha’ar Tikkunei Teshuvah 11; Soles Belulah 240:6 in name of Emek Hamelech; Kaf Hachaim 240:34; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 55:2-3

[150] Michaber 240:5; Tur 240:5 and E.H. 25:3; Kallah Rabasi 1:23; Gittin 70a, “She’s on top and he’s on bottom, they receive Deleriya”; Nedarim 31b, “Why is the man’s face towards the ground while the woman’s face is up towards the husband, as each one looks at his area of creation”; Rebbe Yochanon ben Dehavaiy in Nedarim 20a, “The Malachei Hashareis told me four things: The first being that children who are crippled are born that way because their parents had intimacy in a way that turns the table around.” and Rashi, Ran and Rosh, there explains that this refers to the wife on top and husband on bottom; Otzer Hamidrashim Alfa Beisa of Ben Sira p. 47 that Adam had an original wife named Lilis who was created from the earth and she demanded that she be on top; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 1; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 150:1; Aruch Hashulchan 240:10; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:11

Other opinions: The sages in the Gemara are of the opinion that there is no prohibition in having intercourse in other positions, and in essence one may choose any position he desires. [Chochamim in Nedarim ibid, “The Halacha is unlike Rebbe Yochanon Ben Havaiy and rather, whatever a person desires to do with his wife, he may. To what is this similar? To meat in a kitchen. If one wants to eat it salted, he eats it salted. If one wants to eat it roasted, he eats it roasted. If he wants to eat it cooked, he eats it cooked, and the same applies to fish… There was a woman who came before Rebbe and said, ‘Rebbe, I prepared for him a table and he turned it over.’ He said to her, ‘My daughter, The Torah permitted you, and what can I do for you.’ The same story occurred with Rav. A woman came to him and said, ‘Rebbe, I made for him a table and he turned it over.’  Rav replied, ‘Why is it different than the Banisa fish.’” See Sefer Chareidim Teshuvah 2, brought in Sh’lah Sha’ar Ha’osyos Kedusha 361-362, who interprets this turning over of the table as the wife on top and so likewise explains Rashi there. However, others explain this to mean anal intercourse, as explained in Halacha 16A. Whatever the case, if we rule that anal intercourse is permitted then certainly other positions should be permitted.] This implies that there is no danger even involved in doing so, and that the Sages argue on the very concept of the angels who state that it causes limpness. [Implication of Ameimar in Nedarim ibid] However, from other sources it is understood that the Sages only argue that it is technically permitted from the letter of the law, although they agree with the angels that it is indeed dangerous for the children. [See Kallah Rabasi 1:14] Some Poskim rule that the entire warning against other positions only applies on the night of Mikveh, as explained in the main paragraph – see there!

Can the wife become pregnant if she is on top? Some write that it is not possible to become pregnant if the wife is on top. [Sefer Gematrios L’rebbe Yehuda Hachassid Parshas Ki Seitzei] Others, however, negate this. [See Sh’lah Sha’ar Ha’osiyos Kuf; Implication of Nedarim ibid; Elya Raba 240:12 in name of Lechem Chamudos]

[151] Ma’amar Mordechai 240:7 [see reason below for explanation]

[152] Ra’avan Hayarchi on Kallah Rabasi ibid p. 51

[153] Tur 240; Miseches Kallah; Siddur Yaavetz Hanhagas Leil Shabbos 2:1; See Nedarim ibid

[154] The reason: The reason it is considered brazen for the wife to be on top is because the woman is to be the receiver and not the giver, and when she becomes the giver it is considered brazen of her. [Ma’amar Mordechai ibid; See also Ra’avan on Kallah Rabasi ibid that this follows the verse, “Vehu Yimshol Bach”; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 46 footnote 2] Alternatively, the reason is because each one is to stare at his origin, and hence man who was created form earth stares down to the earth, and the wife who was created from man stares up towards man. [Niddah 31b and Rashi there] Alternatively, the reason is because it is difficult for the wife to be on top, and one may not cause his wife pain during intimacy. [See Rosh on Nedarim ibid; Sefer Chassidim 509 that she does not get pleasure when she is on top] Alternatively, the reason is because according to Kabbalah, the Makif comes from the husband and the Penimi from the wife, and if the husband is on top the spiritual wins while if the wife is on top then the physical wins. [Ben Ish Chaiy In Idras Eliyahu; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 46 footnote 4] Alternatively, the reason is because she cannot become pregnant when she is on top. [See Sefer Gematrios L’rebbe Yehuda Hachassid Parshas Ki Seitzei; Einei Haeida 2:18]

[155] The reason: As it shows that she is stubborn against being dominated by the husband and having him on top. [Ma’amar Mordechai 240:7]

[156] See Kallah Rabasi ibid, “It causes the child to be a Hafhafchan [not stable]” and some are Goreis, “It causes the child to be Deliriya” which is translated to mean crazy or in pain

[157] Nedarim ibid as understood by Rashi ibid, Rosh ibid and Ran ibid

The reason: As since he troubled his wife to be on her knees, therefore his child’s legs will be injured. [Rosh ibid] Alternatively, since the change occurred with his thigh, therefore his child’s thigh will be injured. [Ran ibid]

[158] Ra’avan on Kallah Rabasi ibid

[159] Ben Ish Chaiy in Idras Eliyahu in explanation of Arizal who states that the Makif comes from the husband and the Penimi from the wife, and if the husband is on top the spiritual wins while if the wife is on top then the physical wins; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 46 footnote 4

[160] Kallah Rabasi 1:23; Pirush HaRa’avan Hayrchi p. 51; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 46:5

[161] Michaber 240:5; Tur O.C. 240:15 and E.H. 25:2; Gittin 70a; Menoras Hama’or Ner Gimel K’lal Vav 5:3; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 7; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 46:6; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:2

[162] Siddur Ya’avetz ibid; Eiruvin 100b that she becomes a pillow for her husband as explained Rashi ibid

[163] Derech Pikudecha Asei 11; Salmas Chaim 234; Sheyikdesh Atzmo ibid

[164] Gittin ibid “He gets Ivis”; Rashi translates this as Krenpa in Laz, which Sefer Otzer Loazey says means spasms of the muscles.

[165] Gittin ibid “He gets Dalariya”

[166] Michaber O.C. 240:9; E.H. 25:1; Tur 240:9 and E.H. 25:3; Rambam Hilchos Dei’os 5:4; Chagiga 5; Rebbe Yochanon ben Dehavaiy in Nedarim 20a, brought in Tur 240, “The Malachei Hashareis told me four things: The third being that children who are deaf are born that way because the couple talked during intercourse.” [The Gemara ibid 20b concludes that this statement only applies when talking of matters unrelated to the intercourse.]; See Taharas Yisrael 240:67-68; Kallah Rabasi 1:13; Kitzur SHU”A 150:1; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:12

Talking with one’s wife to make sure she is not someone else: One is to talk with one’s wife or check that she has hair prior to intimacy. [Pischeiy Olam 240:28 in name of Chukei Derech; Taharas Yisrael 240:67; Kaf Hachaim 240:66] Seemingly, this is done to make sure that she is truly his wife.

[167] Michaber ibid and ibid

[168] Nedarim 20a, brought in Tur 240

[169] Michaber 240:4; Tur O.C. 240:2 and E.H. 25:8; Ra’avad in Baalei Hanefesh Sha’ar Hakedusha 6; Beis Yosef E.H. 25:2; Rebbe Yochanon ben Dehavaiy in Nedarim 20a, brought in Tur 240, “The Malachei Hashareis told me four things: The fourth being that children who are blind are born that way because the husband looked at her vaginal area.”; Ra’avad in Baalei Hanefesh Sha’ar Hakedusha that so applies even according to the Sages; Kallah Rabasi 1:13; Levush 240:4; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 2; Chochmas Adam 128:7; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 150:5; Aruch Hashulchan 240:10; Kaf Hachaim 240:40; See Taharas Yisrael 240:32; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p.  448; 453; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:9

Other opinions: The Sages state that the Halacha is unlike Rebbe Yochanon, and rather everything that one desires to do with his wife, he may. [Nedarim 20b] Some Poskim conclude like this opinion [Rama E.H. 25:2; Tur E.H. 25:2; Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:9] and some Poskim understand this to mean that according to their opinion [i.e. Chachamim, Rambam etc.] it is permitted to look at the wife’s vaginal area. [Implication of Rama E.H. 25:2 “Any limb he desires,” as explained in Biur Hagr”a 25:15; Beis Yosef E.H. 25:8 and Bach E.H. 25:2 and Perisha E.H. 25:35 in explanation of Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:9, that according to his ruling, like Chachamim, everything that Rebbe Yochanon stated is in truth permitted, which includes looking at her genitals, and so would apply likewise according to the Rama E.H. 25:2; See Lechem Yehuda Dei’os 5:4 which likewise explains Rambam this way; Sefer Ha’eshkol Hilchos Tznius 1:61; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 25:10-11] According to this understanding, it is implied that there is not even any danger involved in doing so, and that the Sages argue on the very concept of the angels who state that it causes blindness. [Implication of Ameimar in Nedarim ibid] However, from other sources it is understood that the Sages only argue that it is technically permitted from the letter of the law, although they agree with the angels that it is indeed dangerous for the children. [See Kallah Rabasi 1:14] Furthermore, other Poskim conclude that even in the opinion of Chachamim, it is forbidden to look at the vagina, and they are only arguing on the allowance of intercourse from the backside. [Tur O.C. 240:4 and E.H. 25:3, brought in Beis Yosef  E.H. 25:2; Ra’avad ibid; See Beis Shmuel and Chochmas Adam ibid who both explain the Rama to be excluding kissing the vagina, and so is implied from the Tur ibid in his understanding of the Rambam ibid; Pnei Moshe E.H. 25:1 that so is also implied from Hagahos Maimanis on Rambam ibid; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 2] See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 44:12-13 footnote 18

[170] The reason: As 1) whoever looks at the vagina area does not have any shame, and 2) transgresses the command of “Hatzneia Leches.” 3) He also removes the trait of shame from his face, thus losing the protection that the feeling of shame has to prevent one from sinning, as the verse states, “And you shall have fear on your face so you do not sin,” and fear here refers to shame. 4) In addition, one incites the evil inclination onto himself. [Michaber ibid; Ra’avad in Baalei Hanefesh Sha’ar Hakedusha 6; Kitzur SHU”A 150:5]

[171] See Nedarim ibid; Kallah Rabasi 1:13; Biur Halacha 240:4 “Assur”

[172] Michaber O.C. 240:4 and Setimas Harama there; Tur O.C. 240:4 and E.H. 25:8 [even though in 25:2 he writes that one may kiss every limb – Darkei Moshe 25:1]; Ra’avad in Baalei Hanefesh Sha’ar Hakedusha 6; Darkei Moshe E.H. 25:1; Beis Shmuel E.H. 25:1; Beir Heiytiv 25:1; Perisha; Ra’avad on Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:9; Rebbe Yochanon ben Dehavaiy in Nedarim 20a, brought in Tur 240, “The Malachei Hashareis told me four things: The second being that children who are mute are born that way because the husband kissed her on the vaginal area.”; Kallah Rabasi 1:13-14; Levush 240:4; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 2; Chochmas Adam 128:3 and 7; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 150:5; Aruch Hashulchan 240:10; Od Yosef Chaiy Shoftim 16; Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:75

Other opinions: The Sages state that the Halacha is unlike Rebbe Yochanon, and rather everything that one desires to do with his wife, he may. [Nedarim 20b] Some Poskim conclude like this opinion [Rama E.H. 25:2; Tur E.H. 25:2; Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:9; Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Sanhedrin 7:4; Yireim brought in Shita Mekubetzes Nedarim 20b that there is no lack of Kedusha involved in doing so; So also rule: Geonim in Shita Mekubetzes ibid; Machzor Vitri 528; Eshkol Tznius p. 34b; Agudah Nedarim 20b; Semag L.S. 126; Kol Bo 75; Levush E.H. 25:2] and some Poskim understand this to mean that according to their opinion [i.e. Chachamim, Rambam etc.] it is permitted to even kiss and lick the vaginal area. [Implication of Rama E.H. 25:2, “Any limb he desires,” as explained in Biur Hagr”a 25:15, and so learns Atzei Arazim 25:1; Beis Yosef E.H. 25:8 and Bach E.H. 25:2 and Perisha E.H. 25:35 in explanation of Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:9, that according to his ruling, like Chachamim, everything that Rebbe Yochanon stated is in truth permitted, which includes kissing and licking her genitals, and so would apply likewise to the Rama E.H. 25:2; See Lechem Yehuda Dei’os 5:4 who likewise explains Rambam this way; Sefer Ha’eshkol Hilchos Tznius 1:61; Semak 285, “Don’t look or stare or kiss her vagina…all this is Midas Chassidus and not according to the letter of the law”; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 25:10-11; Toros Emes E.H. 25; Asher Chanan 6-7:68] According to this understanding, it is implied that there is no danger even involved in doing so, and that the Sages argue on the very concept of the angels which stated that it causes muteness. [Implication of Ameimar in Nedarim ibid] However, from other sources it is understood that the Sages only argue that it is technically permitted from the letter of the law, although they agree with the angels that it is indeed dangerous for the children. [See Kallah Rabasi 1:14; Semak ibid] Furthermore, other Poskim conclude that even in the opinion of Chachamim, it is forbidden to kiss the vagina, and they are only arguing on the allowance of intercourse from the backside. [Tur 240:4 and E.H. 25:8, brought in Beis Yosef E.H. 25:2; Darkei Moshe E.H. 25:1 that even according to Tur ibid one may not kiss Oso Makom; Ra’avad ibid; See Beis Shmuel and Chochmas Adam ibid who both explain the Rama to be excluding kissing the vagina, and so is implied from the Tur ibid in his understanding of the Rambam ibid; Pnei Moshe E.H. 25:1 that so is also implied from Hagahos Maimanis on Rambam ibid; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 2] See Taharas Yisrael 240:33; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p.  455-460; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 127:9

[173] The reason: All the [four] prohibitions transgressed by looking at the area apply here as well, as if by simply looking at it one transgresses the above, then certainly by kissing it. In addition, one also transgresses a [fifth] prohibition of Baal Tishaktzu Nafshoseichem. [Michaber ibid; Ra’avad in Baalei Hanefesh Sha’ar Hakedusha 6; Kitzur SHU”A 150:5; See Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 84:4 that by Baal Tishaktzu we follow the majority of people, however, according to the Peri Chadash 84:3 we follow each individual. See Sdei Chemed 1:183; See also Toros Emes E.H. 25 that there is no Baal Tishaktzu by kissing but only by eating food]

[174] See Nedarim ibid; Kallah Rabasi 1:13; Biur Halacha 240:4 “Vekol Shekein”

[175] Admur C.M. Shemiras Haguf V’Nefesh 5, “One who ate or drank or slept or had marital relations or let blood, after doing any of these, is not to stand up immediately but rather is to wait a little prior to standing.”; Shabbos 129b; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Gimel 2; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:89; See Mayim Chaim 2 O.C. 3; Sheyikadesh Atzmo [Nachmonson-2015] p.  549; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 25:2; 127:23

^[176] Admur Kama 4:18 and Siddur; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 54:23 footnote 37; 127:24

[177] The Reason: The impure spirit resides on the hands upon having marital relations. This applies according to all. See Halacha 2 in footnotes.

[178] Ben Ish Chaiy Toldos 16

[179] M”A 240:29; Bedek Habayis; Zohar Parshas Vayikra p. 119a; Kav Hayashar 17:5; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 12 [rules that even initially one only needs to wait a Mil]; Kitzur SHU”A 150:16; M”B 240:54; See Yad Ephraim ibid; Kaf Hachaim 240:91; Sheyikadesh Atzmo 25:2

[180] How much is a Mil? Some Poskim rule that a Mil is 18 minutes [1^st opinion in Admur 459:10; Michaber ibid and in Yoreh Deah 69:6; Rama 261:1; Maryu 193; Terumos Hadeshen 123], and hence the total time to wait prior to nursing is 36 minutes [See Misgeres Hashulchan 150:16] Other Poskim rule that a Mil is 24 minutes [2^nd opinion in Admur 459:10; Rambam in Pirush Hamishnayos Pesachim 3:2], and hence the total time to wait prior to nursing is 48 minutes [See Shulchan Hatahor 241:5; Kitzur SHU”A ibid; See Taharas Yisrael 240:20; Misgeres Hashulchan 150:16 concludes to wait 9 and at best 112 minutes] Practically, Admur mainly rules like the opinion of 24 minutes. [Admur ibid; See Ketzos Hashulchan 3 Seder Hachnosas Shabbos 5; Piskeiy Teshuvos 240:29]

[181] Or Yakar Vayikra 16; Toras Nassan Ramak p. 149; Shulchan Hatahor 241:5 that it can lead to the Nichfeh illness.

[182] Taharas Yisrael 240:88

[183] Possible understanding of Yad Efraim on M”A ibid; Taharas Yisrael 240:88; See however Sheyikadesh Atzmo 25:3 footnote 2

[184] M”A ibid according to some prints; Siddur Yaavetz Leil Shabbos 3:12; Divrei Yatziv 1:104-2

Other opinions in M”A ibid: Some have a different Girsa in the M”A ibid which makes it read that if the child is crying one may be lenient like the opinion of one Mil, thus removing the source from the M”A above which claims that one may be completely lenient. [Girsa of Machon Yerushalayim; See Sheyikadesh Atzmo 25:3 footnote 2 that so is implied from wording of the Zohar.]

[185] M”A ibid according to some prints [see previous footnote]; Or Tzadikim 27:18; Elya Raba 240:24; Olas Tamid 240:7; Siddur Yaavetz Mosach Hashabbos Mitos Kesef 7 Chulya Beis 12                                                                                      

[186] Siddur Yaavetz ibid that on this the verse states, “And the child [i.e. Moshe] cried and she had mercy on him”

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