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Chapter 13: Aveilus-Death & Mourning related Hazards

 

1. Learning the laws of Aveilus:[1] [Sefer Chassidim/ Achronim]

It is a widespread custom for one whose parents are alive to avoid studying the laws of mourning.[2] It is thus only studied by the community Rabbi [or potential Posek], for him to answer questions to those who ask him on this subject.[3] On the other hand, some Poskim[4] encourage the study of the laws of mourning, calling it a “Meis Mitzvah” of which it is a great Mitzvah to break the custom of abstinence and study it. Likewise, some Poskim[5] learn that the entire avoidance of studying the subject of mourning is only in public, such as in the Yeshiva, however, to study it in private is not to be avoided. Practically, one who desires to learn the subject but fears the danger, is to Daven to Hashem prior to commencing the study that no damage occur to them. Likewise, it is to be studied discreetly without publication.[6] Certainly, Rabbanim who must rule on the laws of Aveilus are to ignore the above custom and study the laws in order to be able to give accurate rulings to those who ask them questions.[7] The Rebbe encouraged Rabbanim to write and publicize Halachos on this subject for the sake of preventing people from transgressing.[8] Some[9] write that a most opportune time to study the laws of Aveilus is in the month of Marcheshvan which lacks any Holidays, and is the month in which Sarah Imeinu died.

Studying Tractate Moed Katan: Some avoid studying the Tractate of Moed Katan due to it containing the laws of Aveilus.[10] Practically, the Poskim[11] encourage the study of this Misechta, calling it a “Meis Mitzvah” of which it is a great Mitzvah to break the custom of abstinence and study it. [Practically, the above widespread custom to avoid learning the subject of mourning only applies to the study of the practical Halachos of mourning. However, there is no widespread custom to abstain from studying the Tractate of Moed Katan, and on the contrary many communities study the entire Shas in order, without skipping any Misechta, including Moed Katan.[12] Nevertheless, some Poskim[13] rule that he should not dwell on the details of this Tractate as one would learn other tractates of Shas [i.e. Girsa and not Iyun].]

2. Corpse:

A. Netilas Yadayim after Touching a corpse:[14] [Shulchan Aruch Harav]

One who touches a corpse is required to wash his hands one time [immediately] afterwards. [The custom is to wash the hands three times inconsecutively, as explained regarding a cemetery.]

 

B. Being in a room with a corpse:[15] [Shulchan Aruch Harav/Achronim]

One who is in the presence of a corpse [but did not touch the corpse] is not required to wash his hands afterwards. Nevertheless, the custom is to wash the hands after entering the same room as a corpse. [This applies even if one was not within four Amos of the body[16]].

C. Shade of a corpse:[17] [Rishonim/Achronim]

One should not sit in the shade of a corpse.

3. The Taharah:

A. On a designated board:[18] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Achronim]

The body of the deceased is to rest flat on a board that has been designated for Taharah by the Chevra Kadisha. This board is to have water poured over it before purifying the body. Some are accustomed to immersing the board in a Mikveh.[19] One must be very careful not to turn over the Taharah board from the side that the body rested during the Taharah, as there is a danger in this matter.[20] After the burial, the board may be overturned.[21] [However, in a town which does not have a cemetery, the board should not be overturned for three days.[22]]

B. Leaving the hands open:[23] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Achronim]

One is to beware that the hands of the deceased remain open and not clutched in a fist.

C. Placing wood pieces in the hand of the deceased:[24] [Achronim]

Some are accustomed to place pieces of wood [called Geflich] into the hands of the deceased and to close the hands.[25] Some Poskim[26], however, negate this custom as it has no source, and goes against the age-old tradition that the hands of the deceased remain open. If they nevertheless desire to do so, the wood should be placed without closing the hands. Practically, the Chabad custom is not to do so at all[27], and even those who do so, many do it after the Taharah, although some delay doing it until the body is lowered into the grave.[28]

D. Positioning the body:[29] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Achronim]

After the Taharah, the body is to be positioned facing the opening of the room, and is not to be replaced in the same area in which the Taharah took place.

E. Leaving the Taharah room/home:[30] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Achronim]

Upon taking the body out of the Taharah room, or home housing the body prior to the funeral, the body is to be the first to leave the room, and all the people inside are then to follow. [However, prior to the exit of the body, it is permitted for people to come and go.[31] Likewise, those people who are needed to carry the body, may be the first to exit in the process of carrying.[32] Some are accustomed to place shattered earthenware by the entrance of the door upon taking the body out.[33] This is not the Chabad custom.[34] The body is to exit with its feet first.[35]]

F. Gentile: [Sefer Chassidim/Achronim]

The Taharah may only be done by [religious[36]] Jews. It is forbidden to be done by a gentile.[37] In general, a gentile is not to touch the deceased at all, whether during the Taharah or afterwards.[38] One is to prevent a gentile from even seeing the body.[39]

 

4. The Burial:

A. Not to place one coffin on top of another: [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One may not bury one casket on top of another casket, and if one did so, we force the upper casket to be removed.[40] Likewise, one is not to place the casket of the deceased on top of another casket that contains a body, and doing is a grave danger.[41]

B. Two enemies being buried near each other:[42] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Two people who hated each other during their lifetime are not to buried together [i.e. near each other].[43]

C. Burying in the cemetery within one’s city versus a different city:[44] [Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

If there is a cemetery within one’s city, it is improper to bury the deceased in another area.[45] This, however, is with exception to if one desires to bury the deceased in Eretz Yisrael[46], or in a family plot that is in a different city.[47] Likewise, if the person instructed prior to his death as to where he desires to be buried [or already purchased a plot], then his wishes are to be respected even if he desired to be buried in a different city.[48] [In the above mitigating circumstances, it is permitted to bury him elsewhere even if doing so is belittling to the deceased, such as that it will delay the burial.[49] This is permitted even in Eretz Yisrael, and hence one who passed away in one city to be buried in another city, in the above mitigating circumstances. This is with exception to Yerushalayim, in which the age old custom, based on the directives of Geonei Eretz Yisrael, is not to bury one who passed away inside Yerushalayim, outside of Yerushalayim.[50] The same tradition applies regarding Chevron, that one who passed away inside Chevron, is not to be buried outside of Chevron, even within Yerushalayim.[51] This applies even if one’s family plot is in Jerusalem. Furthermore, many were accustomed to beware not to bury one who passed away in Tzfas or Tiberius, in a different city.[52] The above is only with regards to burying in a cemetery outside the city. However, if a city contains two cemeteries, one may be buried in the new and modern cemetery within the same city, and doing so does not contain a belittlement to the old cemetery.[53]]

D. Removing the child from a pregnant woman who died:[54] [Achronim]

A woman who died during childbirth is to have her womb opened and the child removed, as perhaps he will be found to be alive. This applies even on Shabbos, even if it entails the performance of Biblical Melacha.[55] Practically, however, the custom is to no longer extract the child from her womb even during the week, being that by the time we unequivocally verify and determine her to be dead, the baby has certainly died.[56] [Nonetheless, if one is able to determine the exact time of death for the mother, as well as whether the baby is still alive, through medical apparatuses, then one may obviously desecrate Shabbos to help save the baby in accordance to the readings of these machines.[57] The above discussion is all in regards to removing the child for the sake of saving his life, however if one knows that the child is dead, then the implication is that there is no need to remove him from the womb and the mother is buried with the child, and so is the custom of some communities.[58] However, it is widely accustomed to always remove the fetus from the womb of a pregnant woman who died even if one knows for certain that the child is dead, as it is a Sakana/danger to bury the woman with her fetus inside.[59] Practically, while spiritual tactics[60] and gentle massaging may be used to have her expel the child after death, one may not surgically remove it, and in a case that the child is not expelled from the womb through the gentle tactics, she is to be buried in that state.[61]]

E. Nefel: [Rishonim/Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Circumcising the Nefel:[62] Any child who died prior to circumcision [including a Nefel], is to be circumcised [by a Jew[63]] prior to the burial.[64] A blessing is not recited over the circumcision. [Some are accustomed to performing the circumcision during the Taharah process, and not by the burial.[65] He is to be circumcised with any sharp material, such as a rock, glass, or knife.[66] The circumcision may be done even at night.[67] Peria is not performed.[68] If the child was buried without a circumcision, it is permitted for the child to be unearthed and circumcised.[69]]

Naming the child:[70] A Nefel, or any child who died prior to circumcision, is to be named at the time of the circumcision.[71] [This applies likewise for a female Nefel, that if she died prior to being named, then she is to be named prior to burial.[72] This applies whether the child was born dead or alive.[73] The custom is to give the child an uncommon name.[74]]

When to bury the Nefel: Some Poskim[75] rule that the Biblical prohibition to delay the burial of the deceased applies even to a stillborn or Nefel. Practically, Lechatchila one is to suspect for this opinion.[76] However, some Poskim[77] rule that there is a danger to the mother to bury the stillborn prior to her recovering from the birth, and hence they delay the burial until she is fully recovered. Other Poskim[78], however, completely negate this and rule that the Nefel is to be buried right away.

 

F. Murder victim burial: [Sefer Chassidim/Achronim]

Burying the victim with a knife:[79] Some are accustomed to burying a murder victim with a knife in his hands, representing the fact that he will avenge his death. It is forbidden to get benefit from this knife if the body becomes unearthed.[80]

The murder weapon:[81] It is forbidden to get benefit from a murder weapon, such as a murder knife, and it is to be buried with the victim.

G. Looking at the face of the deceased:[82] [Talmud/Achronim]

It is forbidden to look at the face of a deceased person. [It is for this reason that his face is to be covered right away. This applies even to a Nefel.[83]]

H. May one kiss the deceased:[84] [Sefer Chassidim/Achronim]

A person is not to kiss his son or daughter who passed away.[85] This applies even to a Nefel.[86] Some Poskim[87] rule one may kiss his father.[88] Other Poskim[89] rule that he may kiss all other relatives who passed away, other than a son or daughter. Other Poskim[90] rule one is not to kiss any person who passed away. [However, some Poskim[91] conclude that one may kiss an Adam Gadol. Practically, the custom today is not to kiss any dead body.[92]]

I. Kissing and falling on the grave:

Some are accustomed to fall upon the grave and kiss the earth after the burial.[93] This is not the widespread custom.[94]

 

J. Holding hands:[95] [Sefer Chassidim/Achronim]

One is not to hold onto the hands of the deceased and say, “Take me with you.” One who does so is considered responsible for his own death.

 

K. Segulos against epidemics:

Checking if the dead have worn out clothing:[96] Whenever there is an epidemic in the city, one should search the clothing of the dead to see if any of their clothing have worn out [and if so, then one is to remove them or switch them] as this is a grave danger. [Alternatively, some explain the issues is not if the garment of the dead has worn out, but rather the issue is if he was buried with worn out garments which is a belittlement for the dead, and is therefore a danger for the community.[97] According to this approach, so long as he was buried with dignified clothing, there is no longer a danger even if it later became worn out after the burial.]

Open hands of dead:[98] Likewise, one is to make sure that their fists are open and not closed, which is also a matter of danger. All these things are permitted to be done to the dead being that it is a matter of danger for the living.

 

5. Funeral-Hazards by a funeral:

A. Not to look at women during, or after, the Levaya:[99] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Not to stand in front of women returning from a funeral:[100] It is forbidden [for men] to stand[101] in front[102] of women at the time that they are returning from the dead [i.e. a funeral] being that the angel of death dances and walks before them.[103] [However, those women who did not attend the funeral do not need to be abstained from.[104] Some Poskim[105] rule that the above adherence is only necessary if the person was killed by the Malach Hamaves, such as due to natural causes. If, however, he is a murder victim, then the Malach Hamaves does not attend the funeral, and there is no need to avoid seeing the women.] (If there are less than seven women present [returning from the funeral], then there is no need to worry so much of this matter.[106])

Not to meet face to face with the women during the funeral:[107] As well, when they [i.e. the women] are escorting the corpse from behind [by the funeral procession] one [i.e. men] should not meet the women face to face. One is to rather walk behind the women [facing their backs] or in front of the women, and upon returning [from the funeral or burial[108]], one should leave using a different rout in order not to meet the women.[109] [In some communities the custom is for the men to leave prior to the women, and for the women to delay and stay by the grave until 15 minutes pass from after the men left.[110] Others are accustomed to do the contrary and have the women leave before the men.] (If there are less than seven women present [by the funeral], then there is no need to worry so much of this matter.[111])

What to do if he saw a woman by the funeral or cannot avoid doing so: If one met a woman [by the funeral, or after the funeral], what can he do to rectify the situation [and avoid the foresaid danger]? He is to skip four Amos [6 feet] from his current position, and if there is a river present, he is to cross it [so the river separates between him and the women]. Alternatively, if there is another route, he is to take that route [and walk away from the women]. If there is a wall, he is to stand behind the wall until the women pass. If this too is not possible [and hence he is forced to stand before the women and see them], then one is to turn his face away from the women and [continuously] say the verse[112] “Vayomer Hashem El HaSatan Yigar Hashem Becha etc.” until all the women pass.[113] (If, however, there are less than seven women present, there is no need to worry so much of this matter.[114])

 

Summary: Throughout the proceedings of the funeral and burial it is forbidden to look at the faces of the women attending the funeral/burial. This applies while the women are at the funeral and when the women return from the funeral or burial.

B. Are women to attend a Levaya/funeral? [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

Attending the funeral:[115] Women are permitted and obligated to attend funerals just like men.[116] Some communities are accustomed for women to attend and walk ahead of the casket. Others are accustomed for the women to attend and walk behind the casket. Now, the custom is for women to follow from behind the casket, and one is not to swerve from this custom.[117] [However, in some communities it is accustomed for women not to attend funerals at all.[118] This is the custom in Jerusalem[119], and Tzfas.[120] This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[121] The Chabad custom is to allow women to attend a funeral, and one is not to be stringent in this matter.[122] The women, however, are to remain stationary and are not to follow the casket as it begins to move.[123] The women are to remain separated from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[124]]

Attending the burial:[125] Women are not to attend the burial that proceeds after the Levaya[126], and if they desire to do so they are to be persuaded not to attend.[127] [This is based on the ruling of the Zohar.[128] However, some learn that even according to the Zohar, women may attend the burial so long as they stay behind the men, and the danger is only when the men turn around.[129] Practically, the Chabad custom is to allow women to attend the burial, and they may enter into the cemetery where the burial will take place.[130] The women are to remain separate from the men throughout the funeral proceedings.[131]]

C. Netilas Yadayim after a Funeral:[132] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

One who attended a funeral is not required to wash his hands afterwards. Nevertheless the custom is to wash hands after attending a funeral.

D. The order to be followed upon leaving a Levaya?[133] [Shulchan Aruch/Achronim]

1. Throwing grass:[134] After the burial, upon leaving the cemetery, one uproots earth and grass[135], and tosses it behind his back. [This is done three times.[136] While doing so one recites the verse “Zechor Ki Afar Anachnu”.[137]] This is not to be done on Chol Hamoed.[138]
2. One is to try to leave the cemetery in a different path than the path he used to enter.[139]
3. Washing hands: One washes his hands three times alternating between hands just like by washing upon awakening in the morning. One is not to enter into a house until after the washing.[140] Some have the custom to say the verse “Kaper Liamcha Yisrael” after washing.[141]
4. Putting down the vessel: One does not take the vessel from another person’s hand and does not hand the vessel to another person. Rather one places it down and the next person takes it.[142] The custom is to place the vessel upside down.[143]
5. Drying hands: One does not dry his hands with a towel and rather lets them dry on its own.[144]
6. Washing face: One is to wash his face.[145] Some recite the verse “Bala Hamaves Lanetzach, Umacha Hashem Elokim Dima Meial Kol Panim Vicherpas Amo Yasir Meial Kol Haaretz Ki Hashem Diber”.[146]
7. Sitting and reciting Yosheiv Biseiser:[147] After the washing one sits down and recites Vayehi Noam and Yosheiv Biseiser seven[148] One is to switch places between each time he recites it.[149] [One is to add one word to the last sentence each time he recites it. Thus the first time he recites it he ends with the word “Ki”. The second time he ends with the word “Ki Malachav”. The third time he ends with the word “Ki Malachav Yitzaveh”. The fourth time he ends with the words “Ki Malachav Yitzaveh Lach”. The fifth time he ends with the words “Lishmorcha”. The sixth time “Lishmorcha Bechol”. The seventh and final time he concludes with “Lishmorcha Bechol Derachecha”.[150]
8. Going to Mikvah: Some have the custom to immerse in a Mikvah after a funeral.[151]

6. Shiva home:

A. Eating foods and taking items from a Shiva home?[152] [Achronim]

Some[153] are accustomed not to eat any food, or take any item, from the Shiva home throughout the seven days of Shiva.[154] Others[155] rule there is no need to be particular in this matter, and that so is the custom of many to eat food in the Shiva home after Shacharis. Some[156] write that the custom to be stringent in this matter [according to the first opinion] only applies to the house in which the person passed away. However, if the person did not pass away in the Shiva home, then there is no need to refrain from eating food in the home. [Practically, the widespread Ashkenazi custom is not to eat any foods in any Shiva home throughout Shiva. While the Sephardic custom is on the contrary, to honor the visitors with food. Many Chabad Rabbanim have testified to this custom of avoiding eating in a Shiva home and that one is to abide by it.[157] However, there are Chassidishe homes that offer the comforters food and drink.[158] Seemingly, on Shabbos there is room to be lenient according to all.[159]]

Lechayim:[160] It is not our custom to offer a Lechayim in the Shiva home during the Shiva, with exception to the seventh day, after Shacharis.

May one eat or drink his own food in the house of the mourner?[161]

The Ashkenazi custom stated above is not to eat any food in the house of the Avel even if it is one’s own food that he brought with him. [Due to this, it is proper, for those who follow this practice, not to bring any food to the house of the Avel even if he desires to eat it later on when he leaves the house.]

 

B. Cover mirrors and pictures:[162] [Achronim]

The custom is to cover all mirrors in the Shiva home.[163] Likewise, the custom is to cover all pictures of people in the Shiva home.[164] [Alternatively, one can simply remove them or turn them around.] Some permit leaving pictures of great Torah sages and Tzaddikim.

Avel is sleeping elsewhere: The above custom of covering mirrors and pictures applies also to the home that an Avel is sleeping in at night, even if it is a different home than the Shiva home.

Shabbos: Some[165] write the custom is to cover the mirrors even on Shabbos. Others[166] write the custom is to remove the covers some time before Shabbos.

Onen: Some[167] write that even an Onen is to cover the mirrors.

 

C. Lighting a candle:[168]

A [single[169]] candle is to be lit throughout the Shiva.[170] [Some are accustomed to light the candle using olive oil, although most people light a wax candle.[171] A seven-day wax or oil candle should be used for this purpose. If one cannot find a seven-day candle, one may use 24-hour candles and light them continuously throughout the Shiva.]

Where:[172] The candle is to be lit in the room, or the home, that the person passed away in. [If this is not possible, such as if they passed away outside their home, it is customary to light the seven-day candle in the Shiva home.[173] This applies whether this is the home of the deceased, or a different home.[174] There is no need however for it to be lit in all the Shiva homes, in case the relatives are sitting Shiva in more than one home.[175] One may however do so if he chooses.]

What to say upon lighting the candle:[176] Upon lighting the candle, one is to say that it is being lit “Leiluiy Nishmas Peloni [i.e. name of deceased] Ben Peloni [i.e. name of father of deceased].”

Who should light the candle:[177] The son [or daughter] of the deceased is to personally light the candle rather than delegating it to someone else to light.

Placing a bowl of water near the candle:[178] Some are accustomed to place a bowl of water near the candle throughout the Shiva.[179] Practically, however, one is not to do so due to the prohibition of Darkei Emori.[180]

7. The Avel-Mourner:

A. Shemira for an Avel-mourner:[181] [Talmud/ Achronim]

A mourner needs to be guarded from Mazikin [and hence is not to be left alone or go outside alone in the marketplace[182]].

B. Not to tell the Avel to sit down:[183] [Talmud/ Shulchan Aruch]

One is not to tell an Avel, or a sick person, to sit down, as it implies that he is to sit and remain in his state of mourning or illness. [One may however tell him that he does not need to stand, or other indirect term.[184] The Avel may tell others to sit down.]

C. Not to arouse judgment:[185] [Shulchan Aruch]

The mourner is not to say regarding his suffering “I have not yet received enough suffering to cover my sins” and other statements of the like [which convey that he is deserving of greater punishment], as one is not to open his mouth for the Satan.

D. Not to say to the Avel what can you do, it was not in your control:[186] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch]

A person is not to tell the Avel “What can you do, as its beyond your control” as this statement sound like blasphemy, as it implied that if it was in his control then he would have changed it. Rather, he is to accept Hashem’s decree with love. [This means to say that the Avel is to accept the tragedy as the will of Hashem, and not be saddened over the fact that he did not have his way.[187]]

E. Distributing bread:[188] [Shulchan Aruch]

 In general, when distributing pieces of bread to those participating in the meal, the bread is to be placed in front of each person, and they then each take the bread from in front of them. If, however, one of the participants is a mourner, the bread is to be placed in the mourner’s hand.[189] This however only apply during the week, while on Shabbos [since] there is no mourning [the bread is placed in front of him].[190]

F. Excessive crying and mourning:[191] [Talmud/Shulchan Aruch]

One is not to excessively mourn the deceased and one who does so it is a sign that he is mourning the death of an additional person.[192]

G. May one drink from the cup of an Avel?[193] [Achronim]

The custom is not to drink from the cup of an Avel unless one washes the cup in-between.[194] This however does not apply on Shabbos.[195] Likewise, women are not accustomed to being careful in this matter.[196] Even men can choose not to be particular in this matter.[197]

H. Removing the torn shirt:[198] [Achronim]

After the Shiva is complete [i.e. after the comforting that follows Shacharis] it is proper to no longer wear the torn garment, even though there is no prohibition found in the letter of the law. One is rather to dispose of it.

8. Seeing a dead man in one’s dream:[199] [Tzavah of Rav Yehuda Hachassid/Achronim]

If one sees a person who passed away in his dream, one should beware not to receive anything from his hands. Likewise, one is to beware not to swear to him or promise him anything. [Likewise, one is not to give any object to the dead man in his dream, although he may give him water and food.[200] In the event one transgressed any of the above, then it suffices to give charity to fix the bad omen of the dream, and it is not necessary to fast. The above, however, only applies to a man who was not considered a Tzadik when he passed away, however, if the person who passed away was considered a Tzadik, then it is a good omen to see him in the dream.[201]]

An enemy who appears in your dream:[202] It is possible for a person who passed away to get revenge against his enemy by appearing to him in a dream and injuring him. This once occurred, and a dead man who was the enemy of an individual appeared to him in a dream and injured his thigh and he then woke up with tremendous pain in that area.

9. Wearing shoes of the deceased:[203] [Sefer Chassidim/Achronim]

One is not to wear the shoes of a deceased person due to fear of danger.[204] [This applies even to the shoes of a Tzaddik.[205] This applies likewise to the shoes of a murder victim.[206]] It is not to be given even to a poor person. It may, however, be sold to a gentile who is purchasing it for personal use [as opposed to buying it for the purpose of re-selling it to a Jew[207]], and one may then give the money to a pauper as charity. [If one does not plan to sell/give them to a gentile to wear, they are to be torn and discarded.[208] This law applies to any shoes worn by the deceased during his lifetime. However, some Poskim[209] rule the above only applies towards the shoes that were worn by the deceased at the time of his/her passing. Other Poskim[210] rule it applies to all shoes that were worn by the deceased throughout his illness, but not towards shoes that were worn prior. Other Poskim[211] rule that if one knows the deceased passed away from a non-contagious disease, it is permitted to be worn in all cases. Other Poskim[212] rule that the entire prohibition refers to shoes made from the leather of an animal which died on its own[213], and not to shoes of a dead person, of which there is no restriction to wear. According to all, shoes which were purchased but never worn by the deceased, are permitted in benefit.[214]

Rain boots:[215] One is not to wear the rain boots of the deceased just as one does not wear his shoes.

Socks: There is no source for restricting the wearing of the socks of the deceased.

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[1] See in length Nitei Gavriel Aveilus Hakdama; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 89:1

[2] Sefer Chassidim 261 calls it a Meis Mitzvah; Letter of Rav Zalman Shimon Dworkin, printed in Koveitz Zalman Shimon p. 64 “It is a widespread custom amongst all Jewry for one who has parents to avoid studying the laws of mourning. It is thus only studied by the community Rabbi [or potential Posek], for him to answer questions to those who ask him on this subject.”

The reason: As they fear it can cause danger, as the verse in Mishlei 3:11 states that one should not despise rebuke, and one may hurry through the study the Tractate [and bring on this danger]. Furthermore, whatever people consider to be of danger, in truth can cause danger simply due to the bad eye they give to it. [See Sefer Chassidim ibid]

[3] Rav Zalman Shimon ibid

[4] Sefer Chassidim 261 regarding Moed Katan “Love the Mitzvah which is similar to a Meis Mitzvah being that no one occupies themselves with it…such as if you see that people in your city avoid studying Moed Katan, you shall learn it and receive much reward corresponding to them all, as it is like a Meis Mitzvah. Love the Tractates and laws that people avoid. Tractate Moed Katan is similar to a lone daughter who is left unmarried due to her occupation as a seamstress for burial garments. Moed Katan approached Hashem and asked Him as to why people do not study the tractate and Hashem replied that it is good to study it.”; Yosef Ometz p. 270 writes against skipping the laws of Aveilus; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:189

[5] Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 245:3

[6] Sefer Chassidim ibid

[7] Nitei Gavriel Hakdama

[8] Maaneh of Rebbe to Rav Gavriel Tzinner regarding his book on Aveilus

[9] Kemach Soles p. 154

[10] Sefer Chassidim ibid

[11] Sefer Chassidim 261 “Love the Mitzvah which is similar to a Meis Mitzvah being that no one occupies themselves with it…such as if you see that people in your city avoid studying Moed Katan, you shall learn it and receive much reward corresponding to them all, as it is like a Meis Mitzvah. Love the Tractates and laws that people avoid. Tractate Moed Katan is similar to a lone daughter who is left unmarried due to her occupation as a seamstress for burial garments. Moed Katan approached Hashem and asked Him as to why people do not study the tractate and Hashem replied that it is good to study it.”; Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 245:3; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:189

[12] Letter of Rav Zalman Shimon Dworkin, printed in Koveitz Zalman Shimon p. 64

[13] Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 245:3; Tav Yehoshua 2:18-4; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:189

^[14] Admur Kama 4:18; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 54:23 footnote 35

[15] Admur Kama 4:18; Ketzos Hashulchan 2:11; also brought in Chayeh Adam 2:5; Kitzur SH”A 2:9

[16] The Peri Megadim 4 A”A 21 writes on the M”A 4:20 that one must be within four Amos of the corpse to require washing. It is however unclear as to whether the P”M refers even to a case that one is within the same room as the corpse. Practically many record that one is to wash his hands when being in the same room as a corps even if one is not within 4 Amos. [See Piskeiy Teshuvos 4:25; Nitei Gavriel 70:1]

[17] Kol Bo 118; Sefer Zechira Inyanei Daled Devarim; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 188:2

[18] Nitei Gavriel 43:6; See Rama 349:3 “The board on which the Taharah took place”; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 187:1

[19] Nitei Gavriel 45:3

[20] Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid 18 [that one may die within 9 days]; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Chochmas Adam 157:8; Kitzur SHU”A 197:6; Aruch Hashulchan 362:8; Darkei Chesed 11:13; Nitei Gavriel 45:11.

[21] Shivim Temarim on Tzavah ibid; Beir Moshe 8:111; Nitei Gavriel 45:11

[22] Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 187:2

[23] Tzavah of Rav Yehuda Hachassid 7; Sefer Chassidim 451; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Kitzur SHU”A 197:5; Darkei Chesed 12:9 in name of Rokeiach, Sefer Chassidim and Rabbeinu Yerucham; See Chochmas Adam Matzeivas Moshe 9 and Pischeiy Teshuvah 352:4; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 26] that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed for a Tzetel to be placed in the right hand of his mother, as she wrote in her will, and for her hands to be closed over it so it does not fall out; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 187:3-4

[24] See Nitei Gavriel 76:14; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 187:5

[25] Chasam Sofer Y.D. 327, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 352:4; Kesav Sofer Y.D. 171; Darkie Chaim Veshalom 985; many Sefarim recorded in Nitei Gavriel 76:14 footnote 27

[26] Chochmas Adam in Matzeivas Moshe 9, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid; Kitzur SHU”A 197:5

[27] Darkei Chesed 12:9 that our custom is not to do so; Nitei Gavriel 76:14 footnote 27 that so is Minhag Chabad

[28] See Nitei Gavriel ibid

[29] Tzavaas Rav Yehuda Hachassid 6; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Kneses Hagedola Y.D. 362; Chochmas Adam 157:8; Kitzur SHU”A 197:6; Aruch Hashulchan 362:8; Darkei Chesed 12:15; Pnei Baruch 4:13; Nitei Gavriel 45:12; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 188:1

[30] Tzavah of Rav Yehuda Hachassid 8; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Rokeiach 316; Rabbeinu Yerucham 28:1; Aruch Hashulchan 358:5; Kitzur SHU”A 197:8; Pnei Baruch 4:15; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 189

[31] Shivim Temarim on Tzavah ibid

[32] Aruch Hashulchan 358:5 in name of Beir Heiytiv; Shivim Temarim; Kitzur SHU”A 197:8; Nitei Gavriel 50:3

[33] See Pnei Baruch 4:16; Nitei Gavriel 50:1

Upon doing so one says: “הפח נשבר ואנחנו נמלטנו ולא יהיה עוד שבר בגבול ישראל”.

[34] Darkei Chesed 15:1

[35] Nitei Gavriel 50:6

[36] Shevet Yehuda Y.D. 352:4; Nitei Gavriel 40:1

[37] Sefer Hachaim 311; Kaf Hachaim 311:32; Darkei Chesed 11:1; Nitei Gavriel 40:1 based on Rashal Beitza 1:10

[38] Radbaz 2:507 regarding Taharah; Mishmeres Shalom Ayin 7; Darkei Chesed 11:1 in name of Harechitza Hagedola of Hillel Hazakein, brought in Lechem Hapanim 352:4 [not found in source]; Nitei Gavriel 40:2; See Admur 526:7 and Michaber 526:4 that even on Yom Tov Sheiyni, a Jew is to be involved in the entire process, and it is not to be done through a gentile even if he is available.

[39] Sefer Chassidim 533 “in the Kever”; Yeish Nochlin; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Rav Akiva Eiger 362; Makor Chesed on Sefer Chassidim ibid; Nitei Gavriel 40:3; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 195:1

[40] Michaber 362:4; Tzavah Reb Yehuda Hachassid 3 that if one does so, someone will certainly die in the city within nine days; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 190

[41] Aruch Hashulchan 358:5 in name of Beir Heiytiv; Nitei Gavriel 50:8

[42] Michaber 362:6; Sefer Chassidim Tzavah 1; Rabbeinu Yerucham; Levush 362:6; See Shvus Yaakov 2:96; Minchas Elazar 4:3; Beir Moshe 8:114; Nitei Gavriel 75:13; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 191:1-4

[43] The reason: As even in their death they will not find tranquility. [Sefer Chassidim ibid]

[44] Michaber 363:2; See Admur 526:18; Nitei Gavriel 131; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 192:1-2

[45] Michaber ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362 in name of Rav Yehuda Hachassid in Tzavah 11; Sefer Chassidim 709 and 450; See Nitei Gavriel 131:3 in name of Gesher Hachaim that today the custom is to no longer be careful in this matter and people are transferred for burial in other cities even if there is a cemetery in the city they passed away.

The reason: As it is a belittlement to those buried in that city that one refuses to be buried there. [Shach 363:4] This causes those buried there to become angry. [Beis Lechem Yehuda ibid]

[46] Michaber ibid

[47] Rama ibid

[48] Rama ibid

[49] See Radbaz 611; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 131 footnote 2

[50] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

The reason: Although there is no law which prohibits one from leaving Jerusalem, this became accustomed to show extra deference to Jerusalem, especially in light of the fact that the Mikdash below is parallel to the Mikdash above. [Gesher Hachaim 27:8]

[51] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

The reason: As the entrance to Gan Eden is in Chevron, and from there the soul of the deceased travels to Gan Eden. [ibid]

[52] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

[53] Tiferes Tzvi 1:59; Pischeiy Teshuvah 363:1

[54] Admur 330:7 “A woman which sat on the birthing stool and died, one is to bring a knife on Shabbos even through a public property, and tear her stomach and take out the baby as perhaps [the baby] will be found alive.”; Michaber 330

[55] The reason for why we suspect that he is alive: Now, although majority of times the infant dies prior to the mother, nevertheless by the danger of a life we do not follow the majority, and at times it is able to live after its mother’s death. Now, although this infant never had a living status, Shabbos is to be desecrated due to doubt just as one who did have a living status. [Admur ibid]

[56] The reason for why today we are no longer accustomed to tear the mothers stomach: The reason that [cutting the mother’s womb] is not in practice today even during the week, is because we are no longer expert in the mother’s death to such close proximity that the child still can live, as [we suspect that] perhaps she fainted, and if her stomach were to be torn she will die, and thus one needs to wait [to verify whether she has died or merely fainted] and until then the child has certainly died. [Admur ibid]

[57] Piskeiy Teshuvos 330:5

[58] Sdei Chemed Aveilus 141; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 193:1 footnote 1

[59] Aruch Hashulchan 330:8 that so is the custom [although states that he does not know the reason why]; All Poskim in next footnote; See Gesher Hachaim 5:6 who negates this custom!

[60] Such as speaking into her ear and asking her to expel the child, promising to circumcise the child and call him a name, and other matters of the like. [See Poskim in next footnote]

[61] See Heishiv Moshe 13; Shvus Yaakov 1:13; Tuv Taam Vadaas 1:285; Maharsham 2:159; Mishmeres Shalom Mem 74; Divrei Chaim 2:137; Arugas Habosem Y.D. 252; Darkei Chesed 13:7; Nitei Gavriel 48:12 and footnotes 15-16; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 193:1

[62] Michaber Y.D. 353:6; 263:5 [if any child died before day 8]; O.C. 526:10; Admur 526:19-20; Rav David Abudarham; Rosh Moed Katan; See Nitei Gavriel 135:24-30

Where to bury the foreskin: Some bury it with the child while others bury it outside the cemetery, as normally done. See Nitei Gavriel 135:30

If the child was born circumcised: See Nitei Gavriel 135:28

[63] Kitzur SHU”A 199:4; Aruch Hashulchan 526:19; See Admur 526:19

[64] The reason: This is done to arouse mercy from heaven, and so the child merit to the resurrection. [Michaber 263:5]

[65] Ruach Chaim 353; Gesher Hachaim 147 that so is the custom; Nitei Gavriel 135:26

[66] See Michaber 263:5; Admur 526:19; Nitei Gavriel 135:25

[67] Nitei Gavriel; 135:27

[68] Nitei Gavriel 135:24

[69] Bechor Shur Sanhedrin 47; Kneses Yechezkal 44, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 353; See Poskim in Rav Akiva Eiger 353

[70] Michaber Y.D. 263:5; 353:6

[71] The reason: This is done to arouse mercy from heaven, and so the child merit the resurrection. [Michaber 263:5; See Tur]

[72] Kitzur SHU”A 199:4; Heishiv Moshe 13; Nitei Gavriel 135:29

[73] Nitei Gavriel 135 footnote 43

[74] Nitei Gavriel 135:29

[75] M”A 526:20, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 357:1; See Gesher Hachaim 1:16-3; Tzitz Eliezer 10:25

Other opinions: Most Poskim rule that a stillborn and Nefel is not obligated to be buried, and from the letter of the law may be discarded. [Implication of Michaber:Rama 526:10; Admur 526:20 “As so long as the child is a still born, there is no belittlement to delay his burial until the evening”; Hagahos Maimanis, brought in M”A 526:20; Chavos Yair 68, brought in Gilyon Maharsha; Noda Beyehuda Kama O.C. 16; Yeshuos Yaakov 526:5; Binyan Tziyon 1:113; See Mishmeres Shalom Lamed 32] Some communities are accustomed to not bury a Nefel until its mother recovers from birth, due to it being a danger for the mother. [Shulchan Gavoa 526:22; Kaf Hachaim 526:94] Practically, we do not follow this approach. [Erez Chaim 357; Darkei Teshuvah 116:43; Nitei Gavriel 135 footnote 27]

[76] Kaf Hachaim 526:92; Ashel Avraham Butchach 342; Nitei Gavriel 129:5; 135:19

[77] Shulchan Gavoa 526:22; See Ruach Chaim 526 and Y.D. 116:10; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 194:1

[78] Darkei Teshuvah 116:43

[79] Sefarim brought in Nitei Gavriel 48 footnote 7

[80] Sefer Chassidim 1013; Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 10

[81] Azharos Nosafos of Rav Yehuda Hachassid in Tzavah 6; See also Sefer Chassidim 1013 and Mavor Yabok ibid; Nitei Gavriel 48:13

[82] Horiyos 13b that it is Kasha Leshichicha; Maharil Semachos; Chupas Eliyahu Raba 3; M”B 2:2; Darkei Chesed p. 32; See Reshimos 5 [printed in Toras Menachem Tziyon p. 26] that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed for his mother’s face to be exposed for a few moment; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 237:2

[83] Nitei Gavriel 135:5

[84] Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:1

[85] Sefer Chassidim 236 and Tzavah Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 4 [33], brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 339; Chochmas Adam 157:8; Kitzur SHU”A 197:7; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 4:17 footnote 34

The reason: Doing so is a great danger. [Kitzur SHU”A ibid]

[86] Nitei Gavriel 135:4

[87] Maavor Yabok Sefas Emes 41 regarding father; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:2 footnote 2

[88] The reason: As it says regarding Yaakov that they cried on him and kissed him. [ibid]

[89] Shaareiy Teshuvah 394:1

[90] Or Hachaim Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 4:17 footnote 34

[91] Hagahos Maharsham on Sefer Chassidim; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:3

[92] Shivim Temarim on Tzavah ibid; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:4

[93] Beis Yosef 376 in name of Kol Bo 114; Raavad in Tamim Deim 185; Orchos Chaim Avel; Mishmeres Shalom Zayin 51; Nitei Gavriel 80:16; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:5

[94] Darkei Moshe ibid

[95] Sefer Chassidim 236; Chochmas Adam 157:8; Kitzur SHU”A 197:7; Nitei Gavriel 4:18; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 197:6

[96] Sefer Chassidim 451; Zivcheiy Tzedek 116:42 in name of elderly Rabbanim; Kaf Hachaim 116:61.

[97] Beis Dovid Y.D. 57

[98] Sefer Chassidim 451; Zivcheiy Tzedek 116:42 in name of elderly Rabbanim; Kaf Hachaim 116:61; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 187:4

^[99] See Admur Shemiras Guf Vinefesh Halacha 10; Brachos 51a; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10; See Shach 359:2; Nitei Gavriel 68:2

[100] Admur Shemiras Guf Vinefesh Halacha 10; Brachos 51a

[101] Vetzaruch Iyun regarding walking

[102] This implies that one should not stand in front of the women, whether he is facing them, or walking in front of them with his back to their faces. This is different than the law of women during the funeral, in which the only restriction is to see them face to face, however, one may walk in front of them, with ones back to their face.

[103] The reason: As the angel of death dances and walks in front of the women, and he has permission to cause them damage, as he ascends and prosecutes [against the person] and descends and takes another life. [Admur ibid; Gemara ibid; Zohar Vayakhel 196]

[104] Daas Kedoshim 343:3; Nitei Gavriel 68:6

[105] Beis Lechem Yehuda 359 in name of Beis Yaakov 72; Nitei Gavriel 68:5; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 196:2

[106] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:4 footnote 11

[107] Admur ibid “And the same applies when they are escorting the body”; See Y.D. Michaber 359:2 “Women are to be prevented from entering the cemetery by a funeral.”; Shach 359:2 “If the women follow after the dead in the cemetery by the funeral, they cause evil to the world Ch”v”; The Poskim learn that the main prohibition and danger is specifically when the women return from the burial, although it also slightly applies during the funeral. [See Kitzur SHU”A 198:10; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68 footnote 9]

[108] Admur ibid does not differentiate between the two; See also Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:7 footnote 14

[109] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid

[110] Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10 “The widespread custom in all of Eretz Yisrael that at first the men go, and they appoint guards to prevent any of the women from passing until all the men leave. After the burial, the women remain there for approximately 15 minutes until all the men have left.”

[111] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:4 footnote 11

[112] Zecharia 3:2

[113] Admur ibid; Brachos ibid

[114] Admur ibid; Zohar ibid; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 68:4 footnote 11; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 196:3

[115] Michaber 359:1; Shevet Halevi 2:212; Imreiy Yaakov 10:42; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 196:1

[116] See Michaber 359:1; Admur Shemiras Haguf 10; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10; Nitei Gavriel 65:1

[117] Michaber 359:1

[118] Beis Hillel 359 in his understanding of Michaber 359:2; Mavor Yabok Sifsei Rinanos 10 that so is custom of some communities; Teshuvah Meahavah 3:359; Nehar Mitzrayim 44; Eretz Chaim 359; See glosses of Beis Lechem Yehuda; Shevet Halevi 2:212; Nitei Gavriel 68:2

[119] So is the widespread custom today, Vetzaruch Iyun, as it is clear from Eretz Chaim ibid as well as Gesher Hachaim that women would attend the funeral.

[120] Eretz Chaim ibid in name of Vayikra Avraham p. 126 that “In Tzfas the custom is that the women do not attend the funeral at all, not in front of the body or behind it, and even the women who are standing outside enter their homes while the body is being carried.”

[121] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!

[122] Igros Kodesh 31 printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:265 in reply to Rav Ushpal’s suggestion of banning women from attending funerals that “This is not the custom in Chabad and that he should not enter such Chumros into Chabad”

[123] Rav Leibel Groner in reply to the author

[124] Rav Leibel Groner ibid; See Mavor Yabok ibid “The widespread custom in all of Eretz Yisrael that at first the men go, and they appoint guards to prevent any of the women from passing until all the men leave. After the burial, the women remain there for approximately 15 minutes until all the men have left.”

[125] Michaber 359:2; Shach 359:2; See Beis Hillel 359; Gesher Hachaim; Nitei Gavriel 68:5; Imreiy Yaakov 10:42

[126] So understands Shach ibid in Michaber ibid, in order to avoid a contradiction between Michaber 359:1 and 2. However, Beis Hillel 359 understands that Halacha 1 refers to the Talmudic law, while Halacha 2 refers to the Zoharic ruling, which is that the women are not to attend the funeral at all, even prior to the burial

[127] The reason: As doing so causes danger to the world. [Shach ibid]

[128] Beis Hillel 359; See Halacha 4!

[129] Beis Lechem Yehuda 359 in name of Beis Yaakov

[130] Rav Leibel Groner and Rav Eliyahu Landau in reply to the author

[131] Rabbanim and Poskim ibid

[132] Admur Kama 4:18

[133] Gesher Hachaim 16:8; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:4; Kaf Hachaim 4:78-80; Nitei Gavriel 70; Piskeiy Teshuvos 4:25

[134] Michaber Yoreh Deah 376:5

[135] One is to uproot the grass together with its earth. [Gesher Hachaim 16:9]

[136] This represents that in the future the dead will be purified with three items: water, earth, and hyssop. [Chochmas Adam 158:29; Nitei Gavriel 80:2]

[137] A number of Poskim write one is to recite the verse “Zechor Ki Afar Anachnu” [Chochmas Adam 158:29; Gesher Hachaim ibid] However some write to say: Vayatzitzu Meir Kieisev Haaretz. [Nitei Gavriel 80:2; see Chochmas Adam ibid]

[138] Michaber 547:12 as is understood by Mamar Mordechai ibid and Kneses Hagedola 376; Kaf Hachaim 547:43 in name of Shulchan Gavoa 547:23; M”B 547:25 that so is the custom; Chol Hamoed Kehilchasa 12:20

Other Poskim: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to do so. [Hamabit 27; Elya Raba:Zuta 547, brought in Beir Heiytiv 547:7]

[139] Gesher Hachaim p. 93; Zoharei Chamah  Vayakhel p. 212; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 196:4

[140] Rama 376:4 “And the custom of our fathers is Torah”. Brought in M”B 4:44

Entering a Beis Midrash or Shul: Some allow entering into a Beis Midrash. [Nitei Gavriel 70:5 and so is the Chabad custom]

[141] Gesher Hachaim ibid

[142] Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:4; Rav Akiva Eiger 376; Chochmas Adam 144:30; Elya Raba 224:7; Kaf Hachaim 4:79; Gesher Hachaim ibid

[143] Nitei Gavriel 70:2, and so is the Chabad custom. [ibid] Some say this is because we are particular not to leave any water in the vessel. [See Maavor Yabok 19; Piskeiy Teshuvos 4 footnote 246]

[144] Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:4 as the custom of Jerusalem; Shiyurei Kneses Hagedola 376:10; Gesher Hachaim ibid

Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule it is not necessary to avoid drying the hands after washing. [Ikarei Daat 35:7; Siddur Beis Oveid; Gilyon Maharsha; See Kaf Hachaim 4:78; Ben Ish Chaiy Toldos 16 rules one may be lenient to dry the hands in a cold area.]

[145] M”A 4:20 in name of Teshuvos Maharil; Kneses Hagedola 376:12 brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376; Gesher Hachaim ibid.

Darkei Moshe 376:7 write this is no longer the custom

[146] Beis Lechem Yehuda 376; Gesher Hachaim ibid

[147] Rama 376:4; Gesher Hachaim 16:8 writes it is no longer the custom to perform this procedure with exception to the relatives of the person who passed away.

[148] The amount of times one is to sit: The Rama writes one is to sit seven times. However he then concludes “In these countries they are accustomed to only sit three times after washing.” The Shach 376:6 brings the Levush, Perisha and Rashal which rule it is to be said seven times. Gesher Hachaim ibid writes it is said three times.

[149] This is done in order to banish the evil spirits which escort a person until he sits down. [Rama ibid in name of Maharil 23] Every time one sits the evil spirits are expelled from the person. [Beis Lechem Yehuda ibid]

[150] Marshal in name of grandfather brought in Taz  376:3 and so rules Levush

[151] Shulchan Hatahor; Pela Yoetz “Taharah”; Moed Kol Chaiy 12 brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos 4 footnote 243

[152] See Nitei Gavriel 92:1; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 202:1

[153] Elya Raba O.C. 224:7; Rav Akiva Eiger 376; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376 that so is the custom in these provinces; Aruch Hashulchan 376:11; Mishmeres Shalom Mem 60; Keser Shem Tov p. 684; Kaf Hachaim 224:46

[154] The reason: As there is a spirit of impurity that resides in the house of the Avel throughout the seven days. [ibid]

[155] Yosef Ometz p. 330; Nohegg Katzon Yosef p. 50; Ikarei Hadaat 34:30; Chaim Bayad 125; Yabia Omer 4:35; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Nishmas Yisrael p. 130

[156] Nitei Gavriel ibid in name of Misgeres Hashulchan 376 and Even Yaakov 42

[157] Rav Eli Landau stated that his father was very careful in this matter, and so he saw accustomed amongst Chassidim to be careful; Rav Yaroslavsky stated the custom is to be stringent; Rav Gluckowsky stated the Chabad custom is to be stringent; Rav A.L. Hakohen told me the custom in all Ashkenazi circles is to be stringent in this.

[158] Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Rabbi Leibel Groner in a correspondence related that he witnessed in many Chassidishe homes to offer Lechayim and Mezonos after Shacharis.

[159] See Shivlei Haleket 23 that the adherence of not drinking form the cup of an Avel does not apply on Shabbos; See Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 21

[160] See Toras Menachem-Reshimos Hayoman p. 414 that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed the Rebbe to have Lechayim distributed only on the 7^th day; See also Toras Menachem 5750 p. 3 footnote 3 Bilti Mugah that the Rebbe stated “Some are accustomed to give a Tikkun of Yash and Mezonos in the Shiva home. However, I have not seen this done in Beis Harav, and in its stead, I will tell stories.”; See Shulchan Menachem 5:282 footnote 5

[161] See Keser Shem Tov ibid

[162] See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 202:2

[163] Drashos Chasam Sofer 2:387; Darkei Hachaim 32:6; Chelek Levi 132; Ginzei Yosef 143; Darkei Chesed p. 33; Nitei Gavriel 92:6; Pnei Baruch 10:4

The reason: Several reasons are recorded behind the above custom: 1) This is in exchange of the law of turning over the beds, which is done in order to diminish the area that was used as a medium to create children. We thus cover mirrors which is also a medium for a couple. [Drashos Chasam Sofer 2:387 based on Yerushalmi Moed Katan 5] 2) Alternatively, it is done in order so one does not pray in front of a mirror. [Chelek Levi 132] 3) Alternatively, it is done because evil spirits are found in the home during Shiva, and we do not want their image visible in the mirror. [Ginzei Yosef 143] 4) Alternatively, it is done because when a person looks at a mirror, spirits are able to enter into his image found in the mirror and cause him damage after death. Therefore, we cover it during Shiva as there are more spirits found at this time. [See Gesher Hachaim in name of Yearos Devash, brought in Darkei Chesed ibid] Alternatively, it is done to diminish in joy. [Dibburei Emes 387]

[164] Darkei Chesed p. 33 based on Yerushalmi ibid; Pnei Baruch 10:4; Nitei Gavriel 92:6

[165] Nitei Gavriel 115:14

[166] Nachamu Ami p. 51

[167] Darkei Chesed p. 33 says to cover at time of Petira; Nitei Gavriel 25:7, however, see Nitei Gavriel 80:15 that he contradicts himself

[168] See Nitei Gavriel 92:2-5

[169] Reply of Rav Groner that five candles are only lit for Davening and not throughout the Shiva

[170] Shivlei Haleket 21; Tanya 67; Nachalas Shiva 73; Chasam Sofer 1:142; Torah Lishma 520; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 6-7

The reason: Souls receive pleasure from light. [Rabbeinu Bechayeh Terumah] The candle helps to sooth the soul, which returns to the home where it lived and mourns there for seven days. [Torah Lishma ibid]

[171] See Gesher Hachaim p. 198 that based on Zohar some use olive oil candles; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 6

[172] Torah Lishma ibid; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 7 that the main Nachas Ruach for the Neshama is in the home of the passing and not the Shiva home [if they are two different homes], or even the home of the deceased if that is not where he passed away; Lashon Chachamim 28 writes it is actually troublesome for the Neshama to have the candles lit in another home

[173] Nitei Gavriel ibid and Poskim in footnote 9; See however Torah Lishma ibid and other Poskim in Nitei Gavriel footnote 7 and 9 that there is no point of lighting the candle in a different home.

[174] See Nitei Gavriel ibid

[175] See Poskim in previous footnotes; Rav Groner replied to me that the candle lit throughout the year is only lit in the house of the Niftar.

[176] Torah Lishma ibid

[177] Torah Lishma ibid

[178] See Nitei Gavriel 92:4

[179] Minhagei Worms p. 102; Leket Yosher p. 96; See Nitei Gavriel 92 footnote 12

[180] Lechem Hapanim 376 in name of Maaneh Lashon; Chochmas Adam in Matzeivas Moshe 13; Aruch Hashulchan 376:11; Darkei Chaim Veshalom 994; Misgeres Hashulchan 376; See Michaber 350

[181] M”A 239:7; M”B 239:9; Brachos 54b; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 180; Pnei Baruch 21:4; Nitei Gavriel 92:10; However see Terumos Hadeshen 290 “If he goes alone or two or three people go with him”

[182] Hagahos Yaavetz; Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 64:3

[183] Michaber 376:2; Moed Katan 27b

[184] Nitei Gavriel 89:5 in name of Nimukei Yosef Moed Katan 27b and Daas Torah 376:2

[185] Rama 376:2

[186] Rama 376:2; Baba Kama 38a; See Taz 376:1 for an explanation of this statement, and the difference between how David said it and others

[187] Taz ibid

[188] Admur 167:21; Michaber 167:18; Chochmas Adam 163:16; Aruch Hashulchan 378:13

[189] Admur ibid; Michaber ibid; Rashba 1:278; Bahag Brachos 6; Rambam; Yalkut Shimoni; Kesef Mishneh in name of Midrash; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 167:26

[190] Admur ibid; M”A 167:39; Bedek Habayis in name of Rav Manoach; Bahag ibid

The reason: As public mourning is forbidden on Shabbos. [Levushei Serud ibid; P”M 167 A”A 39]

[191] Michaber 394:1; Moed Katan 27b; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 198

[192] Michaber ibid; Gemara ibid that a certain woman who mourned excessively had seven children pass away; Iyun Yaakov ibid

[193] See Nitei Gavriel 92:8; Pnei Baruch 10:12

[194] Bach 403 in name of Rokeiach; Shivlei Haleket 23; Mavor Yabok 35

[195] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[196] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[197] Shivlei Haleket ibid “In all these matters there is no need to be careful” a different Nussach reads “In all these matters it is proper not to be particular, as the verse states Tamim Tihyeh Im Havaya Elokecha.”

[198] Darkei Chaim Veshalom 981 being that wearing this garment arouses Divine judgment; See Michaber 340:14; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 202:3

[199] Tzavaas Rebbe Yehuda Hachassid 13; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 200:1-5

[200] Mili Dechassidusa on Tzavah ibid

[201] Mili Dechassidusa on Tzavah ibid; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 200 footnote 3

[202] Sefer Chassidim 708; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 201

[203] Sefer Chassidim 454; Keser Shem Tov 683; Kaf Hachaim Y.D. 116:141; Gesher Hachaim 8:1; Nitei Gavriel 132:5; Imreiy Yaakov Likkutim 10:8; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 715; Shulchan Menachem 4:31 that some are careful in this

[204] The reason: As the shoes contain the sweat of his feat. [Keser Shem Tov ibid] And thus possibly contain a contagious disease. [Igros Moshe 3:133] See Brachos 57b “If one has a dream that the deceased has come to take his objects, it is a good omen, with exception to his shoes” [Koreis Bris 137a]; See also Gittin 68b that Ashmadaiy told Beniyahu Ben Yehoyada “He is making shoes for seven years and he won’t even live for seven days” This implies that the shoes are not even worn by his son, as otherwise it would be inherited and Ashmadaiy would have no claim. [Makor Chesed on Sefer Chassidim ibid]

[205] Nitei Gavriel 132:6

[206] Nitei Gavriel 132:7; Sefer Koreis Habris; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 71:2

[207] Kaf Hachaim ibid

[208] Keser Shem Tov ibid; However, see Atzei Levanon 46 that doing so is Baal Tashchis

[209] Atzei Levanon 46 that even those who are stringent, should only be stringent in this case; Daas Torah 116:5; Imreiy Yaakov Likkutim 10:8; See Makor Chesed on Sefer Chassidim ibid

[210] Mishmeres Shalom Samech 11

[211] Igros Moshe 3:133; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 71:2

[212] Atzei Levanon 46; Atzmos Yosef, brought in Mishmeres Shalom Samech 11; Beis David 31; Gesher Hachaim in name of Rav Pesach Frank; brought in Igros Moshe 3:133 [but negated]; See Makor Chesed on Sefer Chassidim ibid; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 71:1 footnote 2

[213] The reason: As perhaps the animal was bitten by a snake, and the venom is absorbed in its skin. [ibid; See Chulin 94a]

[214] Nitei Gavriel 132:9

[215] Mishmeres Shalom Samech 11; Nitei Gavriel 132:8

Other opinions: Some are lenient to permit wearing the rainboots of the deceased. [Koreis Habris; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 71:4

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